No Cash Moo & More! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) Business as usual around here. I managed to Update the Fun URLs Page... Fun URLS http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/urls.html _ _ __/o'V'o\__ __/o \ : / o\__ /o `. \ : / .' o\ _\ '. /"\ .' /_ /o `-._ '\v/' _.-` o\ \_ `-./ \.-` _/ /o ``---._/ \_.---'' o\ \_________\ /_________/ '\_/' jgs _|_|_ AND our friend Pat sent us a couple of cool pictures for her pet page. She added a couple interesting pets! Find out all about her pets here: Pat's Pet Page: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pets/Patspets.html __________________________________________________________ | | | /-. |____| | | | | | | / _> |\_/| | | | | | | /` / /-. |q p| /£ | | | | | ,| / ((___/ __> ( 0 )"""\ __ | | | | | \/` / } |"^"` | ;`'()__)| | | | | |\ /'\ .--.( || /=\\ | `\:'.`,\| | | | | .' -\\--\\-- \\--------"'" -'"""'---//--"//'. | | DS & jgs We've got quite a few sweet and adorable pets making some wonderful pet pages! View them all from here: Pet Index Page http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pets.html Of Course you are welcome to join in and get your own pet page! . | \/| (\ _ ) )|/| (/ _----. /.'.' .-._________.. .' @ _\ .' '.._______. '. / (_| .') '._____. / '-/ | _.' ALL PETS ARE '.______ ( ) ) \ '..____ '._ ) ) WELCOME! .' __.--\ , , // (( '.' mrf| \/ (_.'( ' \ .' \ ( \ '. \ \ '.) '-'-' Just Send pics and something interesting about your pet(s) and I'll be happy to do up a page for you! Send Pet info and pics to me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ============================ >-->From The FunnyBone: What's Par On This Hole? A golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yards right down the middle. When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler and the ball went sideways into the woods. He was angry, but he went into the woods and hit a very hard 2 iron which hit a tree and bounced back straight at him, striking him in the temple and killing him. At the Pearly Gates St. Peter looked in the big book and said... _ "I see you were a golfer, *"_"* is that correct?" __ /`_`\ __ .' '. | / \ | .' '. "Yes, I am," he , / ')\^_^/(' \ , replied. \`--' . (_.> <._) . '--`/ '.__.' '._/ \_/ \_.' '.__.' St Peter then said, / , _ , \ "Can you drive the ball \ \_/|\_/ / a long distance?" \ //^\\ / \/` `\/ The golfer replied, "You bet. | | After all, I got here in 2, | | didn't I?" | | | | .. ..:::.| | ..::::. .. ..::::..::::... .::::::::| |:::::::::::::::. ::::::::::::::::::.:::::::::::| |:::::::::::::::::. ':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::| |::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::| |::::::::::::::::::' '':::' '::::::::::::::::\_.__./:::::::::::::::'' '':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::' jgs '::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::'' '':::::'' '''::::::'' ==================================================================== +------------------ Bizarre Con-Artists ------------------+ In 1872, veteran prospectors Philip Arnold and John Slack bought $35,000 worth of diamonds in Europe and scattered them on land in Wyoming. They managed to convince the Bank of San Francisco they had discovered a diamond field and made $700,000. Starting in 1921, Oscar Merril Hartzell began a scam sell- ing fake shares in the estate of Sir Francis Drake. He contacted as many families as he could find with the surname Drake and was eventually accused of defrauding 270,000 people. The hoax netted him over $2,000,000. When J. Bam Morrison arrived at Wetumka, Oklahoma in 1950, he claimed to be the advance publicity man for Bohn's United Circus, which, he maintained, was due to hit town in three weeks. He allegedly sold advertising space to local traders... for a circus that didn't exist. By forging signatures, James Addison Reavis was able to claim he was the legal owner of 17,000 square miles of Arizona. The enterprise raked in $300,000 a year until he was arrested in 1895 and he was sentenced to six years in prison. Joseph Weill, who inspired the movie "The Sting," rented abandoned banks and convinced businessmen that he had set up a genuine bank. He waited for them to deposit large sums of money before shutting down and moving on to the next town. This, plus some of his other scams, earned him over $6,000,000. ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) >This is a True Story His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. /|\ [] |"""""""""""--__ /| |\ / | \ || |____________--"" ( |__| ) | ( ) | || | | \ / | .-. | || | | |12| ]( 0 )[ || | | | | / `-' \ || | | | | / /' `\ \ || | | | | | | | | |%%| | | | | | | | | ,'`, | | | | | | | | |||| | | |14| | | | | |||| | | / __ \ \ \ / / |||| | | ( | | ) `-' `-' `--' `-' \| |/ jb He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death. The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. 'I want to repay you,' said the nobleman. 'You saved my son's life.' 'No, I can't accept payment for what I did,' the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel. 'Is that your son?' the nobleman asked. Yes,' the farmer replied proudly. 'I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.' 1+1=2 /\ \ c") ;-/\> || kOs And that he did. Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin. Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia. What saved his life this time? Penicillin The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill. mmmmmm Someone once said: "What goes around comes around". Always ~~~~John-paul --- ...Amazing how things work out! Thanks John-Paul! ============================================================= >-->From BizarreNews: __ (`/\ `=\/\ __...--~~~~~-._ _.-~~~~~--...__ `=\/\ \ / \\ `=\/ V \\ //_\___--~~~~~~-._ | _.-~~~~~~--...__\\ // ) (..----~~~~._\ | /_.~~~~----.....__\\ ===( INK )==========\\|//==================== __ejm\___/________dwb`---`___________________________ I stole the most interesting book off of TZ's desk this morning. It's entitled 'Post Secret' and was compiled by a guy named Frank Warren. A couple years ago he printed up a few thousand post cards asking people for anonymous confessions on any topic they wanted to write about. He handed them out in subway stations and left them in public places for people to pick up. After receiving thousands of responses he finally compiled his book which I am going to steal from right now. Some of these are pretty interesting, although I don't know how honest some of these people are: "I want to be kidnapped, stripped naked, then bound in clear wrap to a signpost in the middle of down- town...and no one can set me free." "When I was a young teenager I used to babysit my next door neighbors son. When he was asleep I would go into their bedroom and go through their bedside drawers. I found a packet of condoms. I put a pin through the middle of each of them, and thus ensured myself another five years of baby- sitting." "When I was 7 I hid under my parents' bed so I could see what my dad's penis looked like after his morning shower." "I put lost socks to good use...I masturbate into them." "I stay in a job I hate because I know I won't pass a drug screening anywhere else. And I do drugs because I hate my job." "I used to get high and watch Lawrence Welk." "I always wait a few days before returning e-mails from my friends because I don't want them to think I have nothing better to do." "I used to think the rhythm was gonna get me." "He wasn't cheating on you. But since you chose to blame me anyway...he will be." If you're thinking about sending me your secret confessions feel free. Just know they won't be anonymous! Bizarrely, Lewis --- ...Anybody who knows ANYTHING about web sites, knows Lewis is talking about stuff from this web site: Post Secret: http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ It's a classic! ================================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: ______ _\ _~-\___ = = ==(____AA____D \_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._ / o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_ `~-.__ ___..----.. ) `---~~\___________/------------````` = ===(_________D -Roland Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one, a reassurance for those who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. And the best one for last.................. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. To subscribe, send a blank mailto:scream_of_the_crop-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ============================================================= >-->In The WorldlyNews: . .. __..---/______//-----. (( ) .".--.```| - /.--. =: ( VROOM! )) (.: {} :__L______: {} :__; __--( __- -_= ) *--* *--* jnh >Good News from AFA: Ford Meets Conditions; AFA Suspends Boycott AFA is suspending its two year boycott of Ford Motor Company. The conditions of the original agreement presented in fall 2005 have been met. We reached the conclusion that Ford had met the conditions of the agreement based on monitoring for several months. Individuals are free to purchase Ford vehicles again. Your support of the boycott played a key role in convincing Ford to cease its significant support of the homosexual agenda. During the 24 months the boycott was in effect, Ford sales dropped an average of 8% per month. The boycott was not entirely responsible for the drop in sales, but it played a very significant role. A total of 780,365 individuals signed AFA's Boycott Ford petition. --- ...This is COOL as Paul and I just started to seriously consider getting a Ford car! We've been holding off and this came just in time! -<>- >ALSO From AFA: \_/ --(_)-- . / \ /_\ |Q| .-----' '-----. __ /____[SCHOOL]___\ ())) | [] .-.-. [] | (((()) ..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb If your child's school observes the homosexual sponsored "Day of Silence," keep your child at home April 25. Friday, April 25, several thousand schools across the nation will be observing "Day of Silence (DOS)." DOS is a nationwide push to promote the homosexual lifestyle in public schools. AFA is joining other family-oriented groups in urging parents to keep their children at home that day if their local school is participating in the DOS project. By remaining silent, the intent of the pro-homosexual students is to disrupt the classes while promoting the homosexual lifestyle. DOS is sponsored by an activist homosexual group, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). DOS leads the students to believe that every person who identifies as a homosexual, bisexual or cross-dresser is a victim of ongoing, unrelenting harassment and hate. Students are taught that homosexuality is a worthy lifestyle, homosexuality has few or no risks, and individuals are born homosexual and cannot change. Those who oppose such teaching are characterized as ignorant and hateful bigots. Click here for Frequently Asked Questions about the Day of Silence: http://tinyurl.com/34b9q2 --- ...I'm not a hateful bigot. I do not believe people are born homosexual. If they think they have always been homosexual, then it was learned behavior at a young age from their environment or from their own curiosity about it and not stopping themselves from dwelling on it. I believe it is a choice as is all sexual deviant behavior. A person chooses to cross the line of what is considered normal. If we teach our children that being homosexual is OK and it is normal, then we teach our children that they can try alternative lifestyles without any feelings of apprehension. Then the limits or boundaries become vague to the child. I would not condone exposing children to this any more then I would condone telling a child that it is OK to experiment with animal sex or play with child molesters or any other sexual deviant behavior. SO WHY WOULD OUR SCHOOLS THINK IT IS OK? Check Out These Teachings for more Godly info on this important subject: CROSSED THE LINE! Recently with the Boy Scout issue, there has been a lot of questions and discussion on whether or not being a gay, a lesbian, or having an "alternative sexual lifestyle' is a sin. To find this out we have to see what God says about it. http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/crossedtheline.html WITHOUT NATURAL AFFECTION I Corinthians 2: 17 -- For we are not as many, which corrupt [adulterate, water down] the Word of God: but as of sincerity, but as of God, in the sight of God, speak we in [of] Christ. http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/withoutnatural.html GAY AGENDA! For six years I (Karen) have worked for a peer education abstinence organization that teaches teens in public and private schools the benefits of abstaining from drugs, alcohol, and sexual activity. http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/gayagenda.html -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: ____ . . / ._ \ |\_,--._/| NO CASH / / \OOO \_/..\_/ *MOOOO* | | _OOO_ )oo( | | / | | \ \\// | | | | ||__________ / / +-30 | | \`. / / | | \ ) ) \ / / +-20 | ||`---( || /|\ / / | | || OO||----' / +-10 | || '.||-----' / \ /__\ /__\ \._____./ drx + Shyny Scottish leaders: Scotch is no 'cash cow' Scottish officials say British Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling is trying to milk Scotch whisky as a "cash cow." Darling is expected to include an increase in taxes on whisky in the budget he is to introduce Wednesday, The Scotsman reports. The tax has remained at its current level for about 10 years. Scottish National Party leaders suggested a tax increase might trigger a border war. "Scotch whisky is already unfairly taxed. It would be entirely wrong to further increase punitive taxation on one of Scotland's premiership industries," said John Swinney, the Scottish finance minister. "The Scotch whisky industry must not be used as a cash cow to solve the Treasury's financial bungling of taxes and the economy." Darling is reportedly considering tax hikes on all liquor. From the government's point of view that could have two desirable results -- raising revenue and discouraging binge drinking. | -x- | v . ._, |_ ., `-._\/ . \ / |/_ \\ _\, y | \// _\_.___\\, \\/ -.\|| `7-,--.`._|| / / , /' `-. `./ / |/_.' | |// |_ / Syrup demonstration frozen-out |- | | =| | | --------------------/ , . \--------._ jg People who turned up at an Indiana park during the weekend to see how maple syrup and sugar are made were disappointed -- it's been too cold for sap to flow. The demonstration was supposed to be done at the Deep River County Park Saturday, but nighttime low temperatures have been below freezing. Volunteer sugar boiler Rick Narjes told the Gary (Ind.) Post-Tribune the sap flows best when nighttime lows are in the 30s and 40s. Many buckets hung from maple trees were full of ice, the newspaper said, since 97 percent of what is collected is water. Volunteer Larry Ard said it takes 40 gallons of sap to get one gallon of syrup or eight pounds of sugar. That's why maple syrup and maple sugar are so expensive. Deep River County Park employee Bill Brissette said it takes at least eight hours to get it 40 gallons of sap. Couple charged with restaurant worm scam A couple was charged with scamming a free meal from an Indiana restaurant after the woman left her purse behind with a jar of worms inside. Tiffany Vance of Merrillville and Christopher Egnatz of St. John were both charged with conversion, unauthorized assumption of ownership of personal property of others, the Gary Post-Tribune reported. The couple were given a free $57 meal at an Applebee's in Schererville, Ind., after Vance pointed out the worms and then left. But a waitress looking for identification in her purse found a small container of bee moth caterpillars, which resemble maggots. The restaurant called police instead of Vance. While an officer was taking a report, Egnatz showed up looking for the purse. Egnatz told police the worm scam was Vance's idea and took the officer to their motel room. Vance claimed that Egnatz had dumped the worms while she was a bystander. -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Golfer allegedly killed bird --------------- ORLANDO, Fla. - A pro golfer could face a $10,000 fine after his golf ball struck and killed a red-shouldered hawk at an Orange County, Fla., course. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission said Nationwide Tour player Tripp Isenhour was filming an instructional video at Grand Cypress Golf Club when he became angered by the bird, which repeatedly interrupted the shoot with its loud calls, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported. Isenhour hit several balls at the tree where the hawk was perched, eventually striking and killing the animal, the commission said. He has been charged with cruelty to animals and killing a migratory bird, both misdemeanors. He could face a fine of up to $10,000 if convicted. A prosecutor has suggested Isenhour be ordered to perform community service at Audubon Center for Birds of Prey. ,____ |---.\ ___ | ` / .-\ ./=) | |"|_/\/| ; |-;| /_| / \_| |/ \ | / \/\( | -- French mayor bans dying -- | / |` ) | / \ _/ | NO DEATH ALLOWED! /--._/ \ | `/|) | / / | | .' | | jgs / \ | (_.-.__.__./ / SARPOURENX, France - A mayor in southwest France has threatened residents of his village of Sarpourenx with severe punishment if they die because there's no room in the cemetery. Mayor Gerard Lalanne posted an ordinance in the council offices advising the village's 260 residents that "all persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish." It added, "Offenders will be severely punished," Homes Worldwide said. The 70-year-old mayor, who is hoping to be re-elected in local elections, told journalists, "It may be a laughing matter for some, but not for me." -- Mounties need help in beef jerky heist ---------- SASKATOON, Saskatchewan - The Royal Canadian Mounted Police in Saskatchewan are concerned a stolen truckload of beef jerky may already have been eaten. A locked delivery truck was vandalized in Saskatoon overnight Feb. 27, and while the value of the loss was only $500, damage to the vehicle was $3,000, the Saskatoon StarPhoenix reported Friday. The haul included a case of pepperoni sticks, a case of beef sticks, two tubes of beef sticks, a case of beef jerky and a case of dill seeds. The RCMP issued an appeal for help in the investigation. The U.S. National Cattlemen's Beef Association said beef jerky has more than doubled in popularity since 1997, the StarPhoenix said. Ginny Miller of Saskatoon's Boryski's Butcher Block told the newspaper beef jerky sells for $22 per pound, compared with New York steak that sells at $9 per pound. ============================================================ >-->Signs Found In The Kitchen _________________________________________________________________ | |__I__I__I__I__I__I__I__I__I_| _- % % |\ | _- |_I__I__I__I__I__I__I__I__I__|-_ % % _| | |__I__I__I__I__I__I__I__I__I_| % % | | - |_I__I__I__I__I__I__I__I__I__| ,j, %w , | | - |__I__I__I__I__I__I__I__I__I_| -_ - / ) \ /%mMmMm.| | |_I__I__I__I__I__I__I__I__I__| //| | ; `.,,' | |-_- / \ w | | `.,;` | | / \ -_ / ( | || | | / \ //\_'/ (.\ -| | /__________________________________\ w \/ - ``' | | |__________________________________| | | | _______________________ | _- - | |_- | | | | _- | | | | _ | | T T T T T | | _-_| | __.'`'`'`''`;__ / | | | | | | | _- | | | | _/U `'.'.,.,".' U | | | (_) | | | | | | | | | | | / \ @ [_]d b _@_ | | | | | | `', `, | | | |_| ____ [ ] | | |_- | | | `') ( )' | | | ______\__/_________[_]__ | | | | | |____(,`)(,(____| | |/________________________\ | | | | | /| `@@(@@)@)' |\ | | || _____ || | | | | | //!\ @@)@@)@@@( /!\\ | | || _-- \ / || /|\| |__lc|__|/_____________________\|__|_||____________/###\___||_||||| -_ _ - _ - _-_ - _ - _ -|| -_ _ - \___/_- || ||||| So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Martha Stewart doesn't live here!! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I clean house every other day. Today is the other day. If you write in the dust, please don't date it! I would cook dinner, but I can't find the can opener! My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it! I came, I saw, I decided to order take out. If you don't like my standards of cooking, lower your standards. Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand! Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives. My next house will have no kitchen, just vending machines. I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump. [www.getamused.com] ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. "Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to retire six over- aged destroyers." To which the husband replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear your mother will be out of work." -<>- Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?" /`-. \ `-._ |`-._ `-._ / `-._ `-._ MAYBE A Dump Truck / / `-._ `-._ / / / `-._ `-._ To CLEAN Up The Town! `-._/ / / `-._ `-._ / `-._/ / / `-._ `-. `-._ `-._/ / / `-._ o) `-._ `-._/ / / /|| //`-._ `-._/ / / || // `-._ `-._/ / || (o. /:`-._ `-._/ || \:`. /:/ `-./ \::\ /:/ ______ \::\':/ .'.-----.'. .--(O)\' /.': (| | /:.-'\::\ / | :`. || | /:/ .o):\ ____.'. [-'-----' | /:/.-'\.'\::\ .' |=| | <=| | _./:/ _.-' `.:| |____.'=| [ | | ____.-' /:/-'_________(o) (_.....---'-.__ | |\ |________ _______________| [_| .------. '._| |'-'--------'---- .------. _|_ [_|__/ .----. \ ___ |[=:=]_:::::::::_/ .----. \___] [___|/ / .. \ \___||___.-----------/ / .. \ \--' | (^v) | | (^v) | LGB \ '' / \ '' / `----' `----' One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord." -<>- My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were driving through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when he walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, ______________ _ / ) \______ (_/ \ \_ ) __ / (___\ \ "shoot the tires out?" (____/ \ (___/ \ s-v ( ____/ -<>- A woman, her husband, and their three rambunctious young sons were in their car waiting at a traffic. The woman glanced over at the car next them, noticing a blissfully happy mother with her baby daughter. Looking at her husband she said, "As soon as I lose my weight from the last baby, I want to try for a daughter." The husband reached up to the dash, grabbed an open box of snacks, and said, "Here, have another cookie." -<>- Doug asks, "I know you're crazy about that little daughter of yours, Bill. What are you going to do when she starts to date?" Bill says, "I figure I'll take the first young man aside, put my arm around his shoulder, and pull him close to me so that only he can hear. Then I'll say, "Do you see that sweet, little young lady? She's my only daughter, and I love her very much. If you were thinking about touching, kissing, or being physically affectionate to her in any way, just remember...I don't mind going back to prison." -<>- Subject: FASHION Many of us [those over 40, WAY over 40, or hovering near 40] are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. .-----------------------. | Sorry...bad-hair-day! | \ |/ , .'-----------------------' /\\(^/, ' @ @ -\ c /\ = \ tre We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen, the following com- binations DO NOT go together and should be avoided: 1. A nose ring and bifocals 2. Spiked hair and bald spots 3. A pierced tongue and dentures 4. Miniskirt and support hose 5. Ankle bracelet and corn pads 6. Speedo's and cellulite 7. A belly ring and a gall bladder scar 8. Unbuttoned disco shirt and a heart monitor 9. Midriff shirt and a midriff bulge 10. Bikinis and liver spots 11. Short shorts and varicose veins 12. Inline skates and a walker Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop! ============================================================= >-->From TheJokester: . \ | / _\|/_ .' ' ' '. ___ _.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-. .'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'` .'.' ||()|()|| .___..-'.' / \ `----'"` / .-. \ (.'.(___).'.) `.__.-.__.' jgs |_| |_| `.`-'.' `"` How To Eat Like A Child Peas: Mash into thin sheet on a plate. Press back of fork into peas, hold fork vertically, prongs up, and lick off peas. Mashed Potatoes: Pat mashed potatoes flat on top. Dig several little depressions. Think of them as ponds or pools. Fill pools with gravy. With fork, sculpt rivers between them. Decorate with peas. Do not eat. Alternate method: Make a large hole in center of mashed potatoes. Pour in ketchup. Stir until potatoes turn pink. Eat as you would peas. Sandwich: Leave the crusts. If your mother says you have to eat them because that's the best part, stuff them into your pocket or between the cushions of the couch. Spaghetti: Wind too many strands on fork and make sure at least two strands dangle down. Open mouth wide and stuff in spaghetti; suck noisily to inhale dangling strands. Clean plate, ask for seconds, and eat only half. When carrying plate to kitchen, hold tilted so that remaining spaghetti slides onto the floor. Ice Cream Cone: Ask for double scoop. Knock the top scoop off while walking out the door of the ice cream parlor. Cry. Lick remaining scoop slowly so that ice cream melts down outside of the cone and over your hand. Stop licking when ice cream is even with top of cone. Eat a hole in bottom of cone and suck the rest of ice cream out of the bottom. When only cone remains with ice cream coating inside, leave cone on car dashboard. Spinach: Divide into little piles. Rearrange into new piles. After five or six maneuvers, sit back and say you are full. Chocolate Chip Cookies: Half-sit, half-lie on bed, propped up by pillow. Read a book. Place cookies next to you on sheet so that crumbs get in bed. As you eat the cookies, remove each chocolate chip and place it on your stomach. When all cookies are consumed, eat chips one by one, allowing two per page. Milkshake: Bite off end of paper covering straw. Blow through straw to shoot paper across the table. Place straw in shake and suck. When shake just reaches your mouth, place a finger over top of straw - the pressure will keep the shake in straw. Lift straw out of shake, put bottom end in mouth, release finger, and swallow. Do this until straw is squashed so you can't suck through it. Ask for another straw. This time shoot paper at the waitress or waiter when they aren't looking. Sip your shake casually until there is about an inch of shake remaining. Then blow through straw until bubbles rise to top of glass. When your father says he's had just about enough, get a stomach ache. -<>- >Big Lobster Tales ,.---._ ,,,, / `, \\\\ / '\_ ; |||| /\/``-.__\;' ::::/\/_ {{`-.__.-'(`(^^(^^^(^ 9 `.=========' {{{{{{ { ( ( ( ( (-----:= {{.-'~~'-.(,(,,(,,,(__6_.'=========. ::::\/\ |||| \/\ ,-'/, //// \ `` _/ ; '''' \ ` .' `---' A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each." Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the waitress, "Five dollars each for lobster tails -- is that correct?" "Yes," she said. "It's our special just for today." "Well," he said, "they must be little lobster tails." "No," she replied, "it's the really big lobster." "Are you sure they aren't green lobster tails -- and a little bit tough?" "No," she said, "it's the really big red lobster." "Big red lobster tails, $5 each?" he said, amazed. "They must be old lobster tails!" "No, they're definitely today's." "Today's big red lobster tails -- $5 each?" he repeated, astounded. "Yes," she insisted. "Well, here's my five dollars," he said. "I'll take one." She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him, and said, "Once upon a time there was a really big red lobster..." -<>- .. ____ / '> >-_- ) )" mrf .\,,.,./. '',"'.-','" Baked Stuffed Chicken 6-7 lb. chicken 1 cup melted butter 1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.) 1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHERS LOW FAT) Salt/pepper to taste Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's butt blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it is done. And, you thought I couldn't cook ........ --- ...That one you WON'T Find Here - Cause I CAN Cook :) Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/urls.html Please share with us your Great Recipes here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ============================================================= >-->From TheMouth: You Might Be A Physics Major... if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically. if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division. if you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force." if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer. if you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver." if you think in "math." if you have a pet named after a scientist. if you can translate English into Binary. if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be any- where in the universe. =============================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: My sister's husband always teases her about her lack of interest in household chores. One day he came home with a gag gift, a refrigerator magnet that read: "Martha Stewart doesn't live here." The next day he came home to find the magnet holding up a slip of paper. The note read: "Neither does Bob Vila." -<>- >A Signature Can Say A Lot Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, and soon he had enough money to send for the wife and children. The work kept him very busy, so he never had time to learn to write, but the bank was happy to do business with him, even though his signature consisted of two X's. He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were transferred to private schools, the family moved into a fancy house (with one staircase going nowhere just for show)...you get the idea. One day his banker, Mr. Smith, asked him to drop by. "So vat's the problem?" Greenberg asked, a bit anxiously. Smith waved a bunch of checks at him. "Perhaps nothing," he said, "but I wanted to be on the safe side. These recent checks of yours are all signed with 3 X's, but your signature of record has just 2." Greenberg looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry about making trouble," he said, "but my vife said that since I'm now such a high class rich guy, I should have a middle name!" -<>- >The Lawyer's Compliment "You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness. -<>- >The Evils of Sin TUBBY TUSTARD! TUBBY TUSTARD! CTHULHU FHTAGN! ___ |\ .---. _ ( o ) |'_\ \ V / | | _| |_ _| |_ _| |_ _| |_ .`_____`. .`_____`. .`_____`. .`_____`. |\ / \ /| |\ / \ /| |\ / \ /| |\ / \ /| ||| @ @ ||| ||| 9 9 ||| ||| 6 6 ||| ||| o o ||| \_\ = /_/ \_\ - /_/ \_\ o /_/ \_\ ._. /_/ .-'-----'-. .-'-----'-. .-'-----'-. .-'-----'-. (_ ___ _) (_ ___ _) (_ ___ _) (_ ___ _) | |___| | | |___| | | |___| | | |___| | | | | | | | | | (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television. [Oh Wait - He didn't say teletubbies - He said Television :] . . . \ / \ / \ / _\/_ _\/_ _\/_ | | | | | | TV repeats. |____| |____| |____| _||_ _||_ _||_ jg "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife mumbled, "and it gets awfully crowded in there." -<>- >Oops, I Got Caught! The young lady walked over to the room where she knew her friend was. "May I see Irving, please?" she asked the woman blocking the door. "We don't allow anyone but relatives to see the patients," replied the woman. "Are you a member of the family?" "Why-er-why, yes. I'm his sister," said the lady. "Oh, I'm so glad to meet you," said the woman. "I'm his mother!" -<>- >To Inspire You I will form good habits. I will greet this day with love in my heart. I will persist until I succeed. I am nature's miracle. I will live this day as if it were my last. I will master my emotions. I will laugh at the world--this too shall pass. Today I will multiply my value a hundred fold...set goals. I will act now. I will pray for guidance. -<>- >Where God Ain't He was just a little boy on the first day of the week. He was wandering home from Sunday School and dawdling along the way. He scuffed his shoes into the grass. He found a caterpillar. He found a fluffy milkweed pod, and blew out all its filler. A bird's nest in a tree overhead, so wisely placed on high, was just another wonder that caught his eager eye. A neighbor watched his zig-zag course and called him from his lawn. He asked him where he'd been and what was going on. I've been to Bible School," he said, and turned a piece of sod. He picked up a wiggly worm, replying: "I've learned a lot about God" "M'm, very fine way, " the neighbor said, "for a boy to spend his time. If you will tell me where God is, I'll give you a brand new dime." Quick as a flash the answer came, nor were his words faint. "I'll give you a dollar, Mister, if you can tell me where God ain't." -<>- >The Error In Copy A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying from copies, not the original manuscripts. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours go by and nobody sees him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks the old monk what's wrong, and in a choked voice came the reply... "The word is "celebrate." -<>- ** Questions and Answers ** Q. Why was the guy fired from the orange juice factory? A. He couldn't concentrate. .-. ## ) * Help - I've Fallen... / _.-+*'`*+-._ / ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' Q. What do you call a cow with no legs? A. Ground beef. Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog? A. Hound beef. Q. Why do cows wear bells? I'm looking for a Chicken. \ _____/\_/\______ "~~~,-.,~. ",~~~~" (, (, ) \ -="=-" \ / \ ,' ,.-: \ `,' `. ,~' ! \ -( :";|' ,+, ' \ \`' C_.',' '`---~--~" (PS) | A. Because their horns don't work. Q. What do you call a cow spying on another cow? ( ) (oo) )\.-----/(O O) - Here MOOO Cow! # ; / u ( . |} ) |/ `.;|/; " " " unknown A. A steak out. Q. Where does a rancher record his inventory? A. In a cattle-log. Q. How do you recognize a dogwood tree? A. By its bark. Q. What goes up and never goes down? A. Your age. Q. What gets bigger the more you take from it? A. A hole. Q. Why do firemen wear RED suspenders? A. To hold up their pants. Duh. Q. If an athlete get's athlete's foot what does an astronaut get? A. Mistle Toe Q. What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? A. Kid's don't eat broccoli. =============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Cat Breeds - Korat http://tinyurl.com/2nxolh ReUse Crafts: http://www.acornstudios.ca/resources/reuse-crafts/ Speaking of Boyscouts - here's some Knots http://www.stellaceleste.com/htm/knots/doublecoinknot.htm -<>- >From The MouthPiece: MAKE YOUR OWN KALEIDOSCOPE http://krazydad.com/makeyourown/index.php MATHEMATICAL IMAGERY http://www.ams.org/mathimagery/ -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Judy w/ Get YourSelf Some Girlfriends http://frommyheart2u.com/friends/getyourselfsomegirlfriends/ NEW PAGE WITH ELVIS http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML2/InMyFathersHouse.html John w/ How Much Is That Doggie In The Window http://heavens-gates.com/50s/howmuchisthatdoggie.html Carol w/Make Me Believe http://www.carolspoetry.com/carol39.html Ken w / Hello God http://gospelman.info/christian/HelloGOD.html Low Fat Fast Food Nutritional Data from National Chains http://lowfatlifestyle.com/fastfood.htm Movie http://www.buffalosjokes.com/041631.htm I'm My Own Grandpa http://www.buffalosjokes.com/041632.htm My Beer http://www.buffalosjokes.com/041633.htm Nazi Checkpoint http://www.buffalosjokes.com/041634.htm Trombone http://www.buffalosjokes.com/3359.htm Commandos http://www.buffalosjokes.com/3390.htm Death of Crazy Frog http://www.buffalosjokes.com/3391.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ======================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "If you enjoy your alcohol, remember this: If you put your old, rotten liver under your pillow, the Beer Fairy will leave you a keg." --Paul Tomkins "The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person." -P. J. O'Rourke "More Americans can name the three stooges than the three branches of government. Well, that's because the three stooges are more likely to get something done." -David Letterman "For those who may not know this: When the preacher says, 'You may now kiss the bride,' he's only speaking to the groom." -David Gunter "My sister was in labor for thirty-six hours. Ow! She got wheeled out of delivery, looked at me, and said, 'Adopt.'" -Caroline Rhea "According to a new medical study, barbecuing is bad for your prostate. Well, I'm glad they got this out in time. I was going to barbecue my prostate this weekend. I had no idea it's bad for you." -Jay Leno "As kids, instead of building sandcastles, we'd make sand sculptures of naked women. It was tricky though, cause we didn't know what naked women looked like. I grew up in Scotland in the 1970s. I was 24 before I saw a woman with her coat off. I thought a cardigan was an erogenous zone." -Craig Ferguson "Today was actually a very lucky day for me. I woke up this morning, and I got an unbelievable e-mail. Apparently, a Nigerian prince left me $47 million. And all I have to do to claim it, is pay a $500 filing fee. So you won't have me to kick around anymore." -Jimmy Kimmel When you grow up Jewish, your parents are always telling you, Nobody’s better than you. Then, usually when you’re about sixteen, they start telling you that you’re no better than anybody else. That’s the whole thing about being Jewish: it’s too hot, but it’s too cold. You don’t want your kids to be certain of anything. If you’re certain of anything, that’s when you get into trouble. That’s the lesson of the Jews. – Roseanne Tell a joke to a comedian and he won’t laugh. He’ll point at you and say, “That’s funny.” – Joan Rivers "It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety." - Isaac Asimov "Give us, we pray, the power to discern clearly right from wrong, and allow all our words and actions to be governed thereby, and by the laws of this land. Especially we pray that our concern shall be for all the people regardless of station, race, or calling." ~~~President Dwight D. Eisenhower >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************