No Dirty Dish Left Behind... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This sizzling new page is from our own Victor. It is one of God's little surprises set in place just to awe us. Give it time to load and check it out here... . '@(@@@@@@@)@. (@@) ` . ' . @@'((@@@@@@@@@@@)@@@@@)@@@@@@@)@ @@(@@@@@@@@@@))@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@)@@` . @.((@@@@@@@)(@@@@@@@@@@@@@@))@\@@@@@@@@@)@@@ . (@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@)@@@@@@@@@@@\\@@)@@@@@@@@) (@@@@@@@@)@@@@@@@@@@@@@(@@@@@@@@//@@@@@@@@@) ` .@(@@@@)##&&&&&(@@@@@@@@)::_=(@\\@@@@)@@ . .' @@`(@@)###&&&&&!!;;;;;;::-_=@@\\@)@`@. ` @@(@###&&&&!!;;;;;::-=_=@.@\\@@ ' ` @.#####&&&!!;;;::=-_= .@ \\ ####&&&!!;;::=_- ` ###&&!!;;:-_= ##&&!;::_= ##&&!;:= ##&&!:- #&!;:- #&!;= #&!- #&= jgs #&- \\#/' ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tornado and Rainbow! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tornadoandrainbow.html --- ...Simply stunning! Thanks Victor! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: ) .-"(" "-. A True Story... .-|`'---'`| | | | ____ Last April 1st, in a small \| | .'` __ `'. ____ local town, Josh and Big Hoss `\ / | '--' |.'` __ `'. (two rookie policemen) were jgs `"---"` \`------`/| '--' | patrolling the downtown `------' \`------`/ business area. They decided `------` to stop into the local coffee shop for a coffee and a donut. The time was 11:55 AM. Three minutes later, they got a call on their police radio, "Code 33 in process, man in bank dressed as a banana." Well there was only one bank in town, in fact, it was just across from the coffee shop. A code 33 was an "armed robbery" but it was also just 11:58 AM and Josh and Big Hoss decided it was the dispatcher playing a joke on them. So they continued on enjoying their coffee break. At 12:01 PM, they got a second call on their radio, "Repeat, Urgent, code 33 in process, man in bank dressed as a banana." Realizing it was past noon, they rushed across the street, but arrived 30 seconds after the banana split. _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) I am thankful for: .... the mess to clean up after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends. .... the taxes I pay because it means that I'm employed. .... the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat. .... my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine. .... the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking. .... all the complaining I hear about our government because it means we have freedom of speech. .... that lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear. .... the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby. .... the lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home. .... my huge heating bill because it means that I am warm. .... weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means that I have been productive. .... the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am alive. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ ________ .==== [________>< :=== '==== ________ ___,,,,,,, [________>__________\ No Dirty Dish Left Behind! ________ .==. jgs [________>c((_ ) '==' May 18 is International Museum Day and No Dirty Dishes Day May 19 is Boy's Club Day May 20 is Be a Millionaire Day and Pick Strawberries Day May 21 is National Memo Day and National Waiters and Waitresses Day May 22 is International Jazz Day and Lucky Penny Day May 24 is National Escargot Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: >Car Repairs My wife asked me to help one of our neighbors, a young mother whose sailor husband was at sea. Her car had to have a freeze plug replaced; a job that took two days. Then I discovered the battery was dead and the starter was shot, so I fixed those too. Days later I proudly handed the woman her keys saying. "Now your car is good for many more miles." "Thanks," she said. "All I care is that it runs long enough to make it to the dealer. I'm trading it in tomorrow." -<>- >Conflicting Proverbs Actions speak louder than words. The pen is mightier than the sword. Look before you leap. He who hesitates is lost. Many hands make light work. Too many cooks spoil the broth. A silent man is a wise one. A man without words is a man without thoughts. Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Clothes make the man. Don't judge a book by its cover. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Better safe than sorry. The bigger, the better. The best things come in small packages. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Out of sight, out of mind. What will be, will be. Life is what you make it. Cross your bridges when you come to them. Forewarned is forearmed. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. One man's meat is another man's poison. The more, the merrier. Two's company; three's a crowd It's no wonder we're all confused. -<>- >Going to Grandma's My three-year-old son was as excited as he could be to visit his grandma in Florida, especially since it meant taking his first trip on an airplane. We'd just boarded and got buckled in when he looked around the plane and cried. "What is it?" I asked, wondering if he was nervous. More like confused, I realized -- when he asked with surprise, "If ALL these people are going to Grandma's house, will there be any cookies left for me?" -<>- >My Grandpa, the Blacksmith! My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out from his sides and hold them there as long as he could. After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute! Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks. -<>- >The Talk Before my daughter went on her first date, I gave her "the talk." "Sometimes, it's easy to get carried away when you are with a boy," I said. "Remember, a short moment of indiscretion could ruin your life." "Don't worry, Daddy" she said. "I don't plan on ruining my life until I get married." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) \ \ \ / / \ \ \ \/ / \ \ | / \ \ | | \ \ | | \\ \ \ | ---------#----- - ------ \| --------#------ -------- | | \ | | | | | | | | | | | | | _+m#m+_ | | Jp qh | | O O | | Yb dY | | "Y5m2Y" | | | | / /\ \ >SMILES One weekend my friend, a nurse, was looking after her six-year-old nephew when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head. Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night. Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's your name?" Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room. When she went in at 5 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead. It read, "My name is Daniel." ----------- The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not very good at counting money and adding up figures. "Where did you get your finance education?" he asked. "Yale," replied the lad. "Oh, that's quite impressive. And what's your name?" barked the manager. "Yim Yohnston," he replied. --------- Our minister announced that the cost to attend a special social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50." From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only 50 cents?" -------- A young boy who had just gotten his driving permit asked his father if he could use the family car. The father said he could use the car if he studied his Bible diligently -- and got his hair cut. For a week the boy studied his Bible, but didn't get his hair cut. "I'm glad to see you studying your Bible," the father said, "but why didn't you get your hair cut?" "Well, Dad," the boy replied, "Samson had long hair. Moses had long hair. Noah had long hair. And even Jesus had long hair." "Indeed they did," the father answered, "and I'm glad you want to use them as your role models . . . . because they walked everywhere they went." -------- Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to his ol' man. "Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me for sixteen years." -------- Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned." ------- Last year I replaced 8 windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. -------- "I'm very sorry about the loss of your husband. It was a lovely funeral." "He left $40,000 in his will to pay for it." "I'm sure he'd be very pleased." "I'm sure you're right." "Listen, just between us, how much did this really cost?" "All of it. The whole forty thousand." "No! I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?" "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The beverages and food were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone." "$32,500 for a Memorial Stone? My word, how big is it?" Holding up her finger, "Four and a half carats. Isn't it lovely?" -------- I answered my front door and found two little neighbor boys holding a list. "We're on a scavenger hunt. Can you please help us get three grains of wheat, a pork chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so we can earn a dollar." "Wow! Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?" "Our babysitter's boyfriend." ------- A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power. Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane." -------- Early one morning an elderly retired Marine yelled to his wife, "Honey, come see what I created! It's an abstract panorama depicting the seven years of the Obama presidency!" She yelled back to him, "Flush the toilet and come get and eat your breakfast!" ------- _____ "Hmmmmm...." / \ \ ______ /_______\ \ / \ | __ __ | /________\ ( -)_(- ) \__ __/ \---' '---/ ([ -]__[- ]) \ / \__/ \__/ \-----/ \ / __/ \__ __/\____/\__ / \ / \ / \ / \ / /| |\ \ / | | \ jro \ \| |/ / \ | | / >Top 12 Things You Don't Want To Hear During Your Surgery: 12. Has anyone seen my watch? 11. Come back with that! Bad Dog! 10. Wait a minute ... if this is his spleen, then what's that? 9. Hand me that ... uh ... that uh ... thingy over there. 8. Dang! There go the lights again. 7. Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens! 6. Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us. 5. Isn't it a little late for an HMO to say no? 4. Let's hurry, I don't want to miss my tee time. 3. WHAT DO YOU MEAN you want a divorce?!? 2. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out! ... and the Number One Thing You Don't Want To Hear During Your Surgery: 1. Oops! ------- *\o_ _c/* / * * \ <\ *\o/* /> ) c/* / > *\o <\ /> __o */\ /\* c__ * /> <\ * /\* __o_ _c__ */\ * / * * \ * <\ /> *\c/* ejm97 __)__ >Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. __________________________ MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! ______________________ TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me. ______________________________ WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other garbage too. ____________________ THURSDAY: Beavis was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank. _________________________________ FRIDAY: I hate that jerk-off Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobics instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? ______________________________ SATURDAY: Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.. _______________________________ SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!! --- ...LMAO! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Hey, we've all done it; pilfered a little something from work. Some people's transgressions are small, like Post-it Notes or toilet paper. Other people are more ambitious; like the woman who stole pounds of gold, bit-by-bit, from the jeweler she worked for. But few people's larceny is as large-scale or as gross as this man's. Over a period of about 18 months Barry Larson stole an estimated $30,000 worth of dog biscuits from the Purina pet food plant he worked for. So was he selling dog biscuits on the outside? Is there a black market for 'hot' pet food? And how was he getting all of those dog biscuits out of the plant anyway? It turns out he wasn't. He was eating them. "We noticed a few months ago that something was wrong with our dog biscuit production," said Purina spokesman, Keith Schopp. "When we checked the quantity of ingredients that were used in the production and the number of biscuits that were produced, the numbers just didn't add up! We began installing more security cameras at various strategic locations throughout the factory, and we were finally able to identify the problem. Mr. Larson, who worked in the quality check sector, was eating almost half of the biscuits that went by him." To account for the losses Mr. Larson must have ingested nearly 3,000 dog biscuits per day during his work hours. But there was a good reason for his voraciousness. "Purina has provided us with hours of video evidence in which we see the suspect smoke drugs on his work site, and then eat hundreds of dog biscuits," said Police Captain Brian Tobin. "The images are a little bit disturbing, but very conclusive in terms of evidence. We proceeded with Mr. Larson's arrest this morning for 15 charges of petty theft, and found him to be in possession of 10 grams of cannabis." Larson's ex-girlfriend, Patricia Nelson, told a reporter that she was aware of his "addictions" to both cannabis and dog biscuits, and that she had actually left him when she had found out. "Every night, he came back from work with a really horrible breath," she said. "One day, I came back from work earlier than usual, and surprised him with his mouth full of dog biscuits! I was so disgusted, that I packed my things and left." Odd, I thought dog biscuits were supposed to be good for your breath. -<>- You don't have to be a hardened criminal to know that robbing a bank is risky and dangerous. Even once. If you do it twice you're really pushing your luck. If you do it three times you probably have delusions of being Jesse James. If you do it three times in 30 minutes you're probably this woman. Hillsborough County sheriff's deputies arrested a 50-year-old woman, charging her with robbing three Brandon banks in a span of 30 minutes earlier in the day. The spree started at 3:19 p.m. and ended at 3:43 p.m., deputies said. Cindy Carabeo was charged with three counts of armed robbery. Deputies said a female robber first entered the BB&T bank and handed a written note to a teller saying she had a fire- arm and wanted cash. She was given an undisclosed amount of money before fleeing the building. Sixteen minutes later, the same robber walked into the Wells Fargo bank and repeated the same tactic. She was given an undisclosed amount of cash and fled. Eight minutes after that, the same woman entered the Florida Central Credit Union and again handed the note to the teller saying she was armed and wanted money. Again, she walked out of the bank with an undisclosed amount of cash. Soon afterward, sheriff's detectives pieced together enough information to identify the getaway car's tag number and found it to be registered to Carabeo. Deputies converged on her apartment and arrested her as she drove into the complex. The funny part is that if she had quit after two banks she probably would have gotten away with it. *-- Massachusetts police: Don't chase bears with hatchet while drunk --* NORTH ADAMS, Mass. (UPI) - A Massachusetts police department has a message for citizens: "Chasing bears through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet is strongly not advised." The North Adams Police Department said in a Facebook post the incident "really did happen" Monday and "the hatchet man was taken into protective custody due to his incapacitation from the consumption of alcoholic beverage." "The North Adams Police Department is urging everyone to NOT chase bears through the woods with a dull hatchet, drunk," the post said. The post urged residents to steer clear of bears rather than "going all Davy Crockett chasing it through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet. It is just a bad idea and not going to end well." Police said they are still working to determine what the man's planned "end game" was if he had caught up to the animal. *-- Florida funeral workers fired after hearse spotted at Dunkin' Donuts --* CLEARWATER, Fla. (UPI) - A Florida funeral home said two employees were fired after a video posted online showed a hearse parked unattended with a veteran's body inside while the workers got coffee. Rob Carpenter, a customer at the Dunkin' Donuts store in New Port Richey, took video when he saw the hearse parked unattended in the store's parking lot with a flag-draped casket inside. Carpenter shared the video with the Veteran Warriors group on Facebook, which brought the video to the attention of Jim Rudolph, president of Clearwater-based Veterans Funeral Care. Rudolph said two employees, a driver and a licensed funeral director, were transporting the body of Lt. Col. Jesse Coleman from Clearwater to Lecanto, a nearly 90-mile distance, and they violated protocol when they went into Dunkin' Donuts to buy coffee. Rudolph said at least one employee is supposed to remain with the hearse at all times during restroom breaks, and procedure for veterans' funerals stipulates no stops are to be made at all. "When a car leaves the funeral home with a flag on it, it's on a stage... and we're in ceremony mode," Rudolph told ABC News. "Going into buy a doughnut with a flag-covered casket in your coach was a terrible lack of judgment." Rudolph said both employees were fired. He said they were remorseful about the incident. "I think if they had the ability to turn back the day, they'd do things different," Rudolph told WFTS-TV. Rudolph said he spoke with Coleman's widow, who was forgiving toward the business and said she did not want the employees to be fired. However, Rudolph said he will not reverse his decision to terminate the employees. "What could they have been thinking?" Rudolph said. "I haven't got the foggiest idea." *-- Man sneezes out rubber end of childhood toy dart after four decades --* CAMBERLEY, England (UPI) - An English man says a piece of a rubber toy that was lost 40 years ago came out of his nose during a sneezing fit. Steve Easton, 51, claims he was playing an Internet game at his home in Camberley when a sneezing fit prompted the emergence of the object from his nostril. Unsure of what he had found, Easton called his mother, 77-year-old Pat Easton, who told him what the object was -- the end sucker piece on a toy rubber dart. Pat Easton said she had decades previously taken Steve, then 7 or 8 years old, to the hospital after he swallowed the toy, but X-rays were inconclusive. "All these years later, it suddenly shot out," she told the BBC. Steve Easton said his ability to breathe and blow his nose feels no different from before. "It's the length of time," he told the BBC. "I'm not the first person this has happened to, but 43 years -- it's quite out there isn't it?" Easton said he carried the object around to show people who were interested in the story, but he has since disposed of it. In a somewhat similar episode in 2011, a man who was shot in the head during New Year's Eve festivities in Naples, Italy, sneezed out a .22 caliber bullet as he waited to be seen by doctors. *-- Cremation simulation: Theme park in China offers 'death ride' --* SHENZHEN, China (UPI) - Forget about thrill rides. How about a shrill ride? The Window of the World theme park in China has a new attraction that some are just dying to ride. It's called Samadhi, and it's designed to give riders the sensation of being dead, cremated, and reborn. First, the visitor goes on a journey through a "morgue." Next, they are placed in a casket and put on a conveyor belt for "cremation" -- which is simulated by a sudden blast of hot air over the rider to simulate flames. The air reaches temperatures up to 105 degrees Fahrenheit. The attraction also uses flashes of light to give the rider "an authentic experience of burning." Finally, an image of a womb is projected onto the ceiling and riders must crawl until they reach a white, padded room -- where they are "reborn." Sound fun? The ride's creators went to great lengths to make the experience as accurate as possible by visiting a real crematorium and lying inside the incinerator. Window of the World is a cultural theme park instead of a regular amusement park. Other attractions featured there include replicas of France's Eiffel Tower and its Arc de Triomphe. When many riders reach the end of the experience they are said to be drenched in sweat. Whether that's a result of the heat -- or being scared to death, is uncertain. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geninann :) I Did Not Have S**... \ \ , | , \ / ,,_--_, \./ ,// _ _\ \./ ;;\ // x x /;;; \ \ | _\ / / \ \ \ o / / / \ `-'\__/-' / \ \/ / | /\ | | |//|| | \/ | .--'-----'-----. /| | / | | | | ,d888b, | | | J8888888L | :F_P: | | 888888888 | >I Miss Bill Clinton... It doesn't matter what party you belong to - this is hilarious. From a show on Canadian TV, where a black comedian said he misses Bill Clinton. "Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a real black man as President. Number 1 - He played the sax. Number 2 - He smoked weed. Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women. Even now? Look at him ... his wife works, and he doesn't! And, he gets a check from the government every month. Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with " Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations' distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water. Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada . When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't know, I never had one." The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know." Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky between the Bushes." --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks Geniann! However, he is making money now with speeches Hillary threw his way at the tune of as much as $200,000.00 each! Hillary and Bill Clinton have made more than $30 million since January 2014 http://www.cnn.com/2015/05/15/politics/hillary-clinton-speeches/ Hillary Clinton is walking the line between being remarkably successful and yet still in touch with the lives of ordinary people. The former secretary of state and potential 2016 presidential candidate has found herself trying to limit blowback to her claim that she and husband Bill were "dead broke" when they left the White House. She made the comment during an interview with ABC’s Diane Sawyer. Sawyer pressed Clinton on a reported haul of $5 million in speaking fees. http://tinyurl.com/lhyy2au -<>- .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' >An "Imported" Cow The only cow in a small town in Texas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a super milk cow up in Antigo, Wisconsin, for $2,000.00. They bought the cow from Wisconsin and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side." The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Wisconsin?" The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Wisconsin?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Wisconsin..." --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: \||/ ,--. | o|o //OO\\ | _| ||c || |(_ | /| `--' `--' azc When my sister's husband died, she went to the bank to put his affairs in order. The young clerk looked up their joint account and then asked, "Which of you is deceased?" -<>- It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased with the card. It read "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2." -<>- A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove, you idiot." -<>- The psychiatrist was not expecting the distraught stranger who staggered into his office and slumped into a chair. "You've got to help me. I'm losing my memory, Doctor," he sobbed. "I once had a successful business, a wife, home and family; I was a respected member of the community. But all that's gone now. Since my memory began failing, I've lost the business - I couldn't remember my clients' names. My wife and children have left me, too; and why shouldn't they? Some nights I wouldn't get home until four or five in the morning. I'd forget where I lived...And it's getting worse. Doctor - it's getting worse!" "This is not an unusual form of neurosis," the psychiatrist said soothingly. "Now tell me, just how long ago did you first become aware of this condition?" "Condition?" The man sat up in his chair. "What condition?" -<>- __i |---| |[_]| |:::| |:::| `\ \ \_=_\ jsm I dialed a wrong number and got the following recording: "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes." -<>- We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our 28-member family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and lightbulbs. "Don't look up there!" my mother screamed. "It's the one thing I was too tired to clean!" "Don't look where?" my brother asked. "There!" my mother pointed. "It's my own personal web sight!" -<>- A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought "The Almighty" had given him two feet. Without hesitation, the son replied, "That's easy, one for the clutch and one for the accelator." -<>- ((" ") <)) <\(> '\| |\ ________/|______| \_________ kOs When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she told her mate. "Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve. -<>- Knowing that photography was a passion of mine, my cousin asked if I'd take her wedding pictures. I agreed, but instantly became a nervous wreck. Would the photos be in focus? Would she like the composition? Could I get a shot of everyone? Finally my wife heard enough. "Stop worrying about it!" she said. "If they'd wanted a real photographer they would have gotten one." -<>- _.----. .----------------" / / \ ( EVEREADY | | |) | `----------------._\ \ / "----' Lester / itz / Nate As team leader of the Police Tactics and Rescue Unit, I directed officers late one night to strategic positions around a building where a dangerous suspect was hiding. Believing the culprit to be on the roof, I decided to have an officer shine his flash-light in that direction on my command. At just the right moment, I whispered to him, "Okay, throw a light on the roof." The officer hurled his flashlight to the top of the building. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Daddy Do-Do http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/daddy.html Desert Skiing!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desertskiing.html Liberty Air Show!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liberty.html Crop Circles 2009!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mystery2.html Butchart Gardens!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bgardens.html Iceland's Volcano!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/volcano.html Cano Cristales River!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cristales.html Scientists Unveil New Species!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newspecies.html What Your GPS Won't Show You!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gps.html Amazing Gibraltar Airport!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/airroad.html Amazing Street-Legal Airplane!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/transition.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) David Blaine spooks Harrison Ford by making a card disappear from a deck and then having it reappear rolled up inside an orange. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rB0wzy-xbwM&feature=player_embedded These magicians are amazing and funny! https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=_Yw7oX5CXhk There is real magic going on here. It's unbelievable. Not surprisingly, this video got over 19 million views. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2KrdBUFeFtY Japanese magician wins talent show. You'd have to be not only a skillful magician to perform these tricks, but also very flexible! Short film. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Uwi-v8N9HOY --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Your Plane Will be ready soon... https://www.youtube.com/embed/SE71NJl-naY?autoplay=1 --- ...Cool to watch! Thanks Genainn! -<>- >From Our Friend melody :) Muslim Demographics - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/embed/6-3X5hIFXYU The Shelf Life of Pantry Foods http://tinyurl.com/lbt9wa8 My Healing Kitchen : Heal Your Medical Condition With Food http://myhealingkitchen.com/ THE SCHOOL FROM HELL: School Tells Kids, Stop Praying to Jesus http://tinyurl.com/mx8xep9 --- ...Sucks! Thanks Melody! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "On this day in 1844 the Young Men's Christian Association, the YMCA, was founded. It was founded by a small group of friends: a construction worker, an Indian chief, a cop, a soldier, a cowboy...they all met at a disco." --Jay Leno "Are you excited about the World Cup? Of course not. You're Americans. We could care less." --David Letterman "They found a sunken Roman city city off the coast of Egypt that is 2,000 years old. They believe is happened during the reign of Emperor Ray Nagin." --Jay Leno "The Senate voted to make English the national language of the United States. The vote drew protests from several im- migrant groups and one governor of California." --Conan O'Brien "I'm very proud to say that everyone in our audience is a member of the United States military. We have the Marines, the Air Force, the Coastguard, the Army, the Navy...the only ones not here are members of the elite Delta Force, they are in Malibu rescuing Britney Spears' baby from the front seat of his mom's car. The baby is locked in back- wards." --Jay Leno "Senator Hillary Clinton is being criticized because she recently called today's college kids 'lazy' and 'uninformed.' A spokesperson for college kids said, 'Whatever, lady from TV.'" --Conan O'Brien "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen." --Albert Einstein "Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey (which is true in both mechanics and politics)" --T-shirt slogan "Just because it takes the Jaws of Life to get my wallet open doesn't mean I'm cheap!" >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************