No Left Turns... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) We're heating it up with some 'Extreme' SMILES Today! This First HOT one is from our friend Linda. A head shaker for sure! The video is a must watch! ,,, !/:. /::\". !!::: :::::\". ," \:,:: ::::::\ ". ,","\::. \:::::":\ "/""V' :' !::::\ ! \ \ __ "::::\ \ ! \.&&&&, ," __ ", CD,&&&&&&' \ ". "" / \&&&" "",__\_ / _," ,"" ,-,__,/" _," ," `'' ," ,".__, ," ,/"::::::\ / ,"_!:::::::/, / "" _,"\:::::::' ! _," \ "", "-,_(*)&&&&(*)," \ / \", ! ! \ "" ! \ \ , .L ), \ / \ ,::\ \," \ _,,::::" ) )\ ," ___ __,,,:::::"" ," ,":::,-:::--:" ,,::::""""""" ,:_,""__...._"""::::"" (:._ L::::::::::::\\/ """""--,,,--- """" Extreme Rednecks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eredneck.html --- ...LOL! A Fun One! Thanks Linda! This Next Super Sizzler is from our friends Jo Ann and Linda. Maxine is always good for some Smiles. Add the cute video and this one is sure to tire those Smile muscles of yours! ,--------------------------------------------------------------------------. | OV"|OOOOOOOO> U N I T E D S T A T E S OF A M E R I C A O N E D O L L A R -->From TheFunnyBone: ,_ _, |\\`-"""-`//| Kitty Hygiene \ :'.': / /=-(o) (o)-=\.=";```":, |= Y =|':. ': ':`. Please forward to cat lovers \'._.-'-._.'/ ': : : '\ everywhere who, like myself, { '. `'-'` .' } '/.:. ': \ are very concerned about {=. ` '-' ` .=} |:' .: \ =} kitty hygiene. { =. "=_ _=" .= }.=\:' .: | =} \= \ ` / =/'.=`'--; //= } jgs '._ `\=/` _.' (_.-=-=-=-'=.' 1. Thoroughly clean the \,,),,/ ( ,-==-==` toilet. `._) 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. 3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. (You may need to stand on the lid so he can not escape.) CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching for anything they can find. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective. 6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. .--. .--. 7. Stand behind the toilet as / /\ ". _......_ ." /\ \ much as you can and quickly / / ` ` \ \ lift both lids. ( ( /' _ __ `\ ) ) \ /| /0} {0\\ |\ / 8. The now-clean cat will rocket ` | / \/// | ` out of the toilet and run out- \ \ / \ / / side, where he will dry himself. `\ \| .==. |/ /' `\\.' \ / './/' Sincerely, jgs /`'._-^^-_.'`\ The Dog `""` ============================================================ *-- Even More Bizarre May Holidays --* May 21 is National Memo Day and National Waitresses/Waiters Day May 22 is Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day May 23 is Penny Day May 24 is National Escargot Day May 25 is National Tap Dance Day May 26 is Grey Day May 27 is Body Painting Arts Festival May 28 is National Hamburger Day May 29 is End Of The Middle Ages Day May 30 is My Bucket's Got A Hole In It Day May 31 is National Macaroon Day =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend KarenF :) _ _ _ _ _ ( " " " " ) .gggppp. l : :$P_ _T$; | | ( , . ) | _| ; '--' : |_ _/ l)_ ; -- ): |(""" `-' l "------"t-. ___ |-' _.' /"j-.-,t' \ \ .-.C' "..' | ; / .^./ :_"-.\ ; ;' ;":--._;- : : .'. ______j____J____t___Lj________ :_ :_; )) :"-.__ t .-.| ;/ ,-+. ,-----. \ : " "; :"--._"""/ \/ :\ // : : | \ \ _____;C ) ; .; ""-`t'\.'\\Y/ "" |_______; _j / _| /-.-._____: / ; `. '-/ _/// ,--------. |_ _: / """jj'/-/.____.-: : : \ ;.' /\"y / /l |-"""""-; / : / /_ . ;-. ; : \ / / / /_ / ; """"""" : ___:/ // )' : ; ; ; \.'"--' / \ """""--: / |"""" _.; /(.-\ / : : ; ; / /""""---(|/ | )--| """"_.-`..' ; : ; : / """""----' '--..'--""t" : ; : ; / \ ; : ; :.__ / \ / ; : `^$$$pppy tp._.gj / `. "^$$P T$$^' .' ""--._/ bug \__.-" >Jokes A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'" The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper." The father looked at him and said, "Okay, whisper in my ear." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No, arthritis.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Didja hear about the Italian mailman who was charged with sexual harassment? ----He was caught lookin uppa somebodies addressa. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Once there was a woman's brain cell that got trapped in a man's head. She looked around and saw that the whole thing was empty. She called, "Hello, is anyone there? Hello?" Suddenly she heard voices from far away, "We're down here..." Men are all alike, they just have different faces so you can tell them apart. But don't get me wrong. Men are good. They can multitask---- I mean, they read on the toilet. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ cnnno | | | _| |c-OO | _) | | ,--. |-._| |. | 7`-.4. /3 8 / -._k// | f _ /--z|_,| / " `| | j \ | | | | _| |. |" | `-.___.,-| | | || | | | || |-'i | || | t | || | z | || `--` | || | || | || |___|' r--`==-. '--"""" How many optimists does it take to change a light bulb? Who says it's dark? How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 50. 50?!!!! Yeah, 50! Read the contract. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs! How many Yale graduates does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician. How many Boy Bands does it take to change a light bulb? We don't know – light bulbs last longer than most Boy Bands! How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb? We can't know. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother said, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A woman hiking in Yellowstone Park was chased by a grizzly bear and she ran to a ranger station where she was arrested by park rangers. It's illegal to run through the park with a bear behind. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (~~~~~~~~~) | | | | | | .--------.. (()---- | | || (_ | | || | | | || | | -abg | || /\ ..-- '--------'' /\ ||-'' \ / \ \ \// ,, \---. .---------. \./ |~| /__\ \ | ___|_________|__|""-.___ / || | | | |---------- .-----'| | | | | CC.-----. | | | | '-----' | | || What should you do if you're attacked by a gang of clowns? Go for the juggler. What's the worst thing about living on O street? Having to go a block to P. Cross country skiing is easier if you live in a small country. What do mountains talk about? A range of topics. Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? "To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump..." Why can't you starve to death in the desert? Because of all the sand which is there. Why doesn't the Gingerbread Man wear shorts? — Because he has crummy legs. How do the Amish hunt? They sneak up on a deer and build a barn around it. A Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." And the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . Cheese mine." How do you keep a blond at home? Build a circular driveway. There was a blonde who wasn't affected by the high price of gasoline because she always just put in $10 worth. The blonde joined Facebook and saw that her password had to be at least 8 characters long, so she chose: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night. Where do all the blonde jokes come from? Brunettes sitting around on a Saturday night. In what state was Abraham Lincoln born? Naked and screaming like the rest of us. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So this nun with hiccups went to see the doctor and he told her she was pregnant. Really. And was she? No, but it sure cured her hiccups. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (~~~~~~~~) | | | |--.----. (()---. | | | (_ ' | | | | | | | | | | | |..---'' | | .---. /\ /\..---'' | | / \ \ \// \ | | : / \-OO '-' /__\ \| | .-. : (___) 0 // // / | | | \ (_) | //..---------' | | | _____/.__ _/_________(/_|| | | |-| \\ || | ____'-'-'----------O-------------|| | (______________) |==|| | | | | || | | | | || | | | | || |-abg | | | || | | | | || | | | | || | '--------------' '--''----------------' I met him in a chat room and we talked for two hours and ---- I never felt that way before about somebody I'd never met. Then I set up a date via e-mail and we met at a cyber cafe. One thing led to another and we sneaked into a backroom, where she agreed to a download from my hard drive. And afterward we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall and, since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little popup appeared. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There was a pilot coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog when his instruments went out. He was circling around and he saw a tall building with a guy working alone on the top floor. He cut the engine and rolled down the window and yelled, "Hey where am I?" The man said, "You're in an airplane." The pilot made a 275 degree turn and brought the plane in for a perfect landing on the runway 5 miles away just as the fuel has run out. The passengers were amazed and asked how he did it. The pilot said, "It was easy. I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct and absolutely useless, therefore, that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is five miles due East." -<>- ______ |o | ! __ |:`_|---'-. |__|______.-.'_'.-----.| (o)(o)------''._.' (O) LGB >Groaner Story Time... As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors. He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, and duvet cover, the whole works. He ate, drank and slept tractors. On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive a brand new tractor. His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends. The great day came and he went to the factory for the test-drive. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong with the tractor when Joe was driving it and it flipped over, trapping and breaking Joe's leg and fracturing his skull. He was so upset and tried to sue the tractor company for negligence. But the company would have none of it and told him there was no liability and he could get lost! You can imagine he was rather fed up with tractors after this and vowed to shed them from his life completely and forever. Many years later, Joe went into a bar for a drink. Inside, the cigarette and cigar smoke was terrible but through it he saw a beautiful girl seated at the bar on her own. Tears were streaming down her face. Joe asked her what was wrong and shes said that the smoke was making her eyes sting and stream with tears. With that, Joe looked around and then took a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke. He then walked to the far window... and blew all the smoke.out again! He goes back into the bar where the air is now clear and sweet and sits down.Next to the girl. "That was amazing!" she said, "How did you do that?" "No problem", said Joe, . . . . . . . (Wait for it. . . _Scroll down) . . . . . .-'''-. . . _\/___________ ( | |\ | | |___|_|_| | __ | | \/ | OOOO | | ( ) ========()== | | / /\ \--;_| | / /| | |__/ /_____/ __/ | |-| / ~~ ) | | (( ~------..)/ | | | | | | / \_________|__/__ | \ \ | \__________ | | / / | / / -adam gurno | /___/ / /_/.. | / ~'- | ----.. ) | | ~~~ |____| |__| / '-----. |________/ "I'm an extractor fan" -<>- ____ .-'& '-. / \ : o o ; ( (_ ) : ; \ __ / `-._____.-' /`"""`\ / , \ /|/\/\/\ _\ (_|/\/\/\\__) |_______| __)_ |_ (__ jgs (_____|_____) >Stuff About Kids There is only one pretty child in the World and every mother and father has it. Chinese Proverb: Cleaning your house while Your kids are still growing is like clearing Your driveway in the middle of a snowstorm. Parents of teens are the only ones that KNOW Why animals eat their young. I asked Mom and Dad if I was a gifted child... They said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me. Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents Despite every effort to teach them good manners. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually Repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. A child's greatest period of growth is the month After you've purchased new school clothes. The main purpose of holding children's parties Is to remind yourself that there are children Out there more awful than your own. We childproofed our home 3 years Ago and they're still getting in! Grandchildren are God's reward for Not killing your children. When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. You can fool some of the people all of the time And all of the people some of the time, But you can never fool a Mom. I love to give homemade gifts... Which one of my kids do you want? Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy From a baby' has never tried it. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their Life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you Spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up! -<>- ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >Abe And Esther Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!" Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge cheque yet?" "No, sweetheart," she responds. Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?" "Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says. "One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send cheques for the Visa and MasterCard this month?" he asks. "Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either." Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?" Abe answers, "They'll find us!" --- ...LOL! Lots of goodies! Thanks Karen! =============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [politics] >From The TeaParty Economists: $72 Billion of Tax Money Spent on Global Non-Warming Remember when global warming was called global warming? You know: back in 2001, before a decade elapsed in which there was no measurable global warming. It's not called global warming any longer. That was just too embarrassing, because there hasn't been any global warming for a decade. This stable temperature has taken place, despite the fact... READ MORE http://tinyurl.com/bwdrrdr Hasta La Vista: Mexicans Head Back to Mexico. Mexico is no longer a Third World nation. Its increasing urban prosperity is luring rural Mexicans into cities in Mexico rather than the United States. This is permanent. "I think the massive boom in Mexican immigration is over and I don't think it will ever return to the numbers we saw in the 1990s and... READ MORE http://tinyurl.com/d4n7q58 -<>- >From The TeaParty.org Breaking News: CATHOLICS SUE OBAMA http://tinyurl.com/cjehhng Obama's Literary Agent: Obama Born in Kenya http://tinyurl.com/cphtszl -<>- >From BizarreNews: Mexico may be behind the rest of North America in a lot of ways, but in one area they are excelling; child porn. Here in the United States, for example, someone has to put in the time to find the children to be exploited, then there is the investment in candy and Jesus Juice and a safe location has to be found. Meanwhile in Mexico, a group of sixth graders have skipped all of these steps and gone straight to producing a porno themselves. Even so far as putting it up on the Internet. Campeche State Education Department spokesman Omar Kantun said the video was apparently made in an empty classroom during recess. "It is real, the case is real, the video exists," Kantun said. "The Education Department is very concerned." Kantun said the teacher who uses the classroom did not appear to have been present when the video was made. He said no disciplinary action has been taken against any students or teachers as of yet. However, some filmmaking credits may be transferable toward secondary education. Three boys are seen on the video engaging in various kinds of activity recorded on a cellphone by a fourth person, apparently another student. *-- 'Redneck' couple wed in mud pit --* PALATKA, Fla. - A pair of Florida mud-bogging enthusiasts married at the same mud pit where the groom proposed a year ago. Kodie Umphenour, 24, and Carina Pasco, 31, were wed Saturday at the Hog Waller Mud Bog & ATV mud pit in Putnam County in a ceremony described on the invitations as "Our Big Ol' Muddy Redneck Wedding," The St. Augustine Record reported Wednesday. The wedding was preceded by several minutes of mud tossing among guests and independent visitors to the mud pit. ATV riders were asked to silence their engines during the ceremony. The wedding blended the families of Umphenour, who has two children, and Pasco, who has four. Umphenour said the wedding doubled as a honeymoon. "I've got to get back to work Monday," he said. "This is our honeymoon." *-- Man falls through women's bathroom ceiling --* SEATTLE - A woman who went to use a Seattle Central Community College restroom says a man beat her to it -- by falling in through the ceiling. Joy Estill said around 11 a.m. Wednesday, a man smashed through the ceiling of the restroom. "My initial reaction was 'Do you need help?' -- I thought he was a worker," Estill toold KOMO-TV, Seattle. "But then I realized he was not dressed like a worker doing labor; he was dressed like a regular person coming off the street." Estill and other students held the man until security arrived and handcuffed him. He allegedly had a disposable camera in his hand, which led Estill to believe he was taking pictures, but police said he was hiding from officers after earlier trying to break into a locked bathroom in a fast food restaurant using a pocketknife. Police said he fled from officers at the college and climbed into the bathroom ceiling to hide, the report said. *-- World's largest chess piece unveiled --* ST. LOUIS - A Missouri chess club has unveiled the "World's Largest Chess Piece," a 14 1/2-foot tall king weighing 2,280 pounds. The piece, installed on the patio in front of the World Chess Hall of Fame in St. Louis by the Chess Club and Scholastic Center of St. Louis, was formed by R.G. Ross Construction, The (St. Louis) Post-Dispatch reported Monday. "This piece serves as a monument to the chess culture we are creating in St. Louis," club spokesman Mike Wilmering said. Wilmering said the piece, which was unveiled Monday to commemorate the Tuesday start of the 2012 U.S. Chess Championships, which has been hosted by the club since 2009, was certified by Guinness World Records as the largest on the globe. The previous record holder, a 13.1-foot-high king, was built by Mats Allanson in Sweden in 2003. *-- Man sought for pulling women's pants down --* OTTAWA - Police in the Canadian capital Ottawa were seeking a man Tuesday suspected of approaching at least nine women from behind and pulling their pants down. The most recent attack was midday Monday, when an 18-year-old woman walking on a path was approached from behind, The Ottawa Citizen reported. The attacker was unsuccessful, as the woman whirled around and threw coffee in his face, police said. As with the eight other attacks, the 5-foot-6 white man with a goatee in his early 20s casually walked away, the report said. The attacks began April 14 and have targeted women walking alone. In some of the incidents, the women were sexually groped. In one case, the victim was knocked to the ground, police said. There were three separate attacks on April 16, the report said. *-- Man changes name to Tyrannosaurus Rex --* YORK, Neb. - A Nebraska entrepreneur who had his first name legally changed to Tyrannosaurus Rex said he wanted the new moniker for the "name recognition." Tyrannosaurus Rex Joseph Gold, 23, of York, who started the day Monday as Tyler Gold, told Judge Alan Gless in York County District Court he was not trying to hide from creditors or law enforcement by changing his name, the York News- Times reported Tuesday. Gold's official filing with the court said he wanted to change his name "because the [new name] is cooler. Also, as an entrepreneur, name recognition is important and the new name is more recognizable." Gless said he allowed the name change because Gold went through all the proper steps in the process, including formal filing with the court and notice publication. ========================================================= >-->From Our friend Linda :) ,v. _____>o< / |_ (_________) ///,-.-.\\\ _||__|__||_ (_\|_O|_O|/_) )(#__)( ((`---')) _,. \\-.-// ////) \`-'/ (`'//// __/\`-'/\__ _ ) / ,-'|( )o( )|`-. /o`. ,' ,' ||\/>-<\/|| /`-/`. `. ,'`- || /)O_\ || '` `./ /` !||/o.(_)\||!, -..' / .'!|/o_O o(_\|!`-.__.' / .' !|\(_)o Oo/|! /`._.' !||\O.o_o/||! \o | .=!|| `.(.' ||!=. /`-'\ (( \|| o ||/ )) _\ |) )`-||___o___||-'( / `--'\ |//|| | : ||\\| /.--==--.\ |/(X) | : (X)\| o/ ______ \o| |_: | _ [\' `/]| __ ,,,,,| (/ |\`--==--'/||,,,,, | |///| | _ | )/)/`.(' |||oOo| | |///| | (/ | `(_) \) |||OoO| | ''''' | \ `PAINT'/ |''''' _| | _,`-=..=-' | |_| ,'\ | (_/ /( | | \,' | \_) `-.___.-^-.___.-' ,---. |=| |=| ,---. ( # \,,,,&/`-'| |`-'\&,,,,/ # ) \ ) ( / `========'`==' `=='`========' hjw >Red Skelton, For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough, you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean, and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humour. I hope youget a chuckle or two reading them once more. >RED SKELTON'S RECIPE: FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a Little beverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in __California__, and mine is in ____Texas____. 3. I take my wife everywhere.... But she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.* 6. She has an electric blender, electric Toaster and electric bread maker. She said, "There are too many gadgets and no place To sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well Because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "in the lake." 8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!" 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.* 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her First name was Always. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months I don't like to interrupt her.* 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it........these were the good old days When humour didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "God Bless." */'Today is a gift, that is why it is called, The Present.'/* --- ...LOL! A great man! Thanks Linda! -<>- .--------. ____/_____|___ \___ O _ - | _ ,* '--(_)-------(_)--' Dani >No Left Turns! If you have read this before, it is worth reading again. If you haven’t read it, enjoy. Here is a story of an aging couple. Told by their son who was President of NBC NEWS. This is a wonderful piece by Michael Gartner, editor of newspapers large and small and president of NBC News. In 1997 he won the Pulitzer Prize for editorial writing. It is well worth reading. A few good chuckles are guaranteed. My father never drove a car. Well, that's not quite right. I should say I never saw him drive a car. He quit driving in 1927, when he was 25 years old, and the last car he drove was a 1926 Whippet. "In those days," he told me when he was in his 90's, "to drive a car you had to do things with your hands, and do things with your feet, and look every which way, and I decided you could walk through life and enjoy it or drive through life and miss it." At which point my mother, a sometimes salty Irishwoman, chimed in: "Oh, baloney!" she said. "He hit a horse." "Well," my father said, "there was that, too." So my brother and I grew up in a household without a car. The neighbors all had cars -- the Kollingses next door had a green 1941 Dodge, the VanLaninghams across the street a gray 1936 Plymouth, the Hopsons two doors down a black 1941 Ford -- but we had none. My father, a newspaperman in Des Moines , would take the streetcar to work and, often as not, walk the 3 miles home. If he took the streetcar home, my mother and brother and I would walk the three blocks to the streetcar stop, meet him and walk home together. My brother, David, was born in 1935, and I was born in 1938, and sometimes, at dinner, we'd ask how come all the neighbors had cars but we had none. "No one in the family drives," my mother would explain, and that was that. But, sometimes, my father would say, "But as soon as one of you boys turns 16, we'll get one." It was as if he wasn't sure which one of us would turn 16 first. But, sure enough, my brother turned 16 before I did, so in 1951 my parents bought a used 1950 Chevrolet from a friend who ran the parts department at a Chevy dealership downtown.. It was a four-door, white model, stick shift, fender skirts, loaded with everything, and, since my parents didn't drive, it more or less became my brother's car. Having a car but not being able to drive didn't bother my father, but it didn't make sense to my mother.. So in 1952, when she was 43 years old, she asked a friend to teach her to drive. She learned in a nearby cemetery, the place where I learned to drive the following year and where, a generation later, I took my two sons to practice driving. The cemetery probably was my father's idea. "Who can your mother hurt in the cemetery?" I remember him saying more than once. For the next 45 years or so, until she was 90, my mother was the driver in the family. Neither she nor my father had any sense of direction, but he loaded up on maps -- though they seldom left the city limits -- and appointed himself navigator. It seemed to work. Still, they both continued to walk a lot. My mother was a devout Catholic, and my father an equally devout agnostic, an arrangement that didn't seem to bother either of them through their 75 years of marriage. (Yes, 75 years, and they were deeply in love the entire time.) He retired when he was 70, and nearly every morning for the next 20 years or so, he would walk with her the mile to St. Augustine's Church. She would walk down and sit in the front pew, and he would wait in the back until he saw which of the parish's two priests was on duty that morning. If it was the pastor, my father then would go out and take a 2-mile walk, meeting my mother at the end of the service and walking her home. If it was the assistant pastor, he'd take just a 1-mile walk and then head back to the church. He called the priests "Father Fast" and "Father Slow." After he retired, my father almost always accompanied my mother whenever she drove anywhere, even if he had no reason to go along. If she were going to the beauty parlor, he'd sit in the car and read, or go take a stroll or, if it was summer, have her keep the engine running so he could listen to the Cubs game on the radio. In the evening, then, when I'd stop by, he'd explain: "The Cubs lost again. The millionaire on second base made a bad throw to the millionaire on first base, so the multimillionaire on third base scored." If she were going to the grocery store, he would go along to carry the bags out -- and to make sure she loaded up on ice cream. As I said, he was always the navigator, and once, when he was 95 and she was 88 and still driving, he said to me, "Do you want to know the secret of a long life?" "I guess so," I said, knowing it probably would be something bizarre. "No left turns," he said. "What?" I asked. "No left turns," he repeated. "Several years ago, your mother and I read an article that said most accidents that old people are in happen when they turn left in front of oncoming traffic. As you get older, your eyesight worsens, and you can lose your depth perception, it said. So your mother and I decided never again to make a left turn." "What?" I said again. "No left turns," he said. "Think about it. Three rights are the same as a left, and that's a lot safer. So we always make three rights." "You're kidding!" I said, and I turned to my mother for support. "No," she said, "your father is right. We make three rights. It works." But then she added: "Except when your father loses count." I was driving at the time, and I almost drove off the road as I started laughing. "Loses count?" I asked. "Yes," my father admitted, "that sometimes happens. But it's not a problem. You just make seven rights, and you're okay again." I couldn't resist. "Do you ever go for 11?" I asked. "No," he said " If we miss it at seven, we just come home and call it a bad day. Besides, nothing in life is so important it can't be put off another day or another week." My mother was never in an accident, but one evening she handed me her car keys and said she had decided to quit driving. That was in 1999, when she was 90. She lived four more years, until 2003. My father died the next year, at 102. They both died in the bungalow they had moved into in 1937 and bought a few years later for $3,000. (Sixty years later, my brother and I paid $8,000 to have a shower put in the tiny bathroom -- the house had never had one. My father would have died then and there if he knew the shower cost nearly three times what he paid for the house.) He continued to walk daily -- he had me get him a treadmill when he was 101 because he was afraid he'd fall on the icy sidewalks but wanted to keep exercising -- and he was of sound mind and sound body until the moment he died. One September afternoon in 2004, he and my son went with me when I had to give a talk in a neighboring town, and it was clear to all three of us that he was wearing out, though we had the usual wide-ranging conversation about politics and newspapers and things in the news. A few weeks earlier, he had told my son, "You know, Mike, the first hundred years are a lot easier than the second hundred." At one point in our drive that Saturday, he said, "You know, I'm probably not going to live much longer." "You're probably right," I said. "Why would you say that?" He countered, somewhat irritated. "Because you're 102 years old," I said.. "Yes," he said, "you're right." He stayed in bed all the next day. That night, I suggested to my son and daughter that we sit up with him through the night. He appreciated it, he said, though at one point, apparently seeing us look gloomy, he said: "I would like to make an announcement. No one in this room is dead yet" An hour or so later, he spoke his last words: "I want you to know," he said, clearly and lucidly, "that I am in no pain. I am very comfortable. And I have had as happy a life as anyone on this earth could ever have." A short time later, he died. I miss him a lot, and I think about him a lot. I've wondered now and then how it was that my family and I were so lucky that he lived so long.. I can't figure out if it was because he walked through life, Or because he quit taking left turns." Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it & if it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it." ENJOY LIFE NOW - IT HAS AN EXPIRATION DATE! No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you. --Sholem Aleichem --- ...An awesome Classic! Thanks Linda! ================================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ^ | | @#####@ (### ###)-. .(### ###) \ / (### ###) ) (=- .@#####@|_--" /\ \_|l|_/ (\ (=-\ |l| / \ \.___|l|___/ /\ |_| / (=-\._________/\ \ / \._________/ # ---- # # __ # \########/ unknown IN THE NEWS: A bar owner in Colorado has been charged with unlawfully discharging a firearm after shooting his laptop computer. George Doughty is said to have fired four bullets into his Dell computer in the middle of his bar and rest- aurant in Lafayette, Colorado. He then hung the destroyed machine on the wall like a hunting trophy. -<>- No matter how hard my mom tries, every plant or flower she has attempted to grow seems to wither and die an untimely death under her care. But she never gives up hope. While she was visiting home recently, my sister nudged me and pointed to a line of new plants placed by the kitchen window. "Look," she whispered, "death row." -<>- _____ /`.---.`\ / /.---.\ \ ; |/ e e \| ; ; \| ^ |/ | | \_=_/ | |.-"` `"-.| / `'-...-'` \ | | | , | \ './|\.' / ;._(/:\)_.; || : : || || ; : || || : : || || '.' || || + || || || || || |'-.___.-'| | | '-.__ __.-' jgs (_/`\_) Two nuns who worked in a hospital were out driving in the country when they ran out of gas. As they were standing beside their car on the shoulder of the road, a truck approached them. Noticing the nuns in distress, the trucker stopped and offered to help. When the nuns explained they had run out of gas, the trucker said he would be more than happy to drain some from his tank, but he didn't have a bucket or a can. Hearing this, one of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan from the trunk and asked the trucker if it would do. He said it would and proceeded to drain a couple of quarts into the pan. He then handed the pan to the sisters, got back into his truck and waved goodbye. While the nuns were carefully pouring the precious fuel into their gas tank, a cop happened by. He stopped and watched them for a few moments, then said, "Sisters, somehow I don't think that's going to work, but I sure do admire your faith!" -<>- Our son, who's in the Army stationed in Georgia, invited my husband and me for a visit. After driving endlessly through unfamiliar streets in search of an entrance to Fort Stewart, my husband suddenly said, "We're getting closer." "How do you know?" I asked. He pointed to a sign that read, "Sonny's Bar & Grill -- Tank Parking Available." -<>- _,---. (/_/)))) \c e_e) . \ = ) _| ,-` -(_ |o| / `-'\\ |#{) /__| ._ _)y / < \ (\_/ `.\ ____\ ,>>> | .==T=T==.__| | | / | |\ |_______| \ / /\ \ / ,' `. \ / / \ \ <\_\_ \ \ `---` (_`-\_ `---' hjw Jennifer had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went. "Pretty good, I think," replied Jennifer, "but if I go to work there I won't get a vacation until I'm married." Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. "Is that what they told you?" "No",replied Jennifer, "but right on the application it said 'vacation time may notbe taken until you've had your First Anniversary.'" -<>- A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course." There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance." One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those still remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourselves," he said. "You all get 'A's." -<>- _"_ % (< ? ` " __||___ |\___//_\ (' | ') \\ __|\ , / |/ /: / \ :: \| ######o /| ######## \) ######## \ : / \: / -- %%% %% % /:\ |/|, b'ger My boyfriend and I met online and we'd been dating for over a year. I introduced Hans to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we met over the Internet. He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up. Ever the geek, Hans naively replied, "I just used a regular 56K modem." [Contributed to Reader's Digest by Anne McConnell.] -<>- Over the years, my husband and I have usually managed to decode the cute but confusing gender signs sometimes put on restaurants' restroom doors (Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), but every so often we get stumped. Recently my husband Dave wandered off in search of the men's room and found himself confronted by two marked doors. One was labeled "Bronco," and the other was designated "Cactus." Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant employee. "Excuse me; I need to use the restroom," he said, gesturing toward the doors, "Which one should I use?" "Actually, we would prefer you to go there," the employee said, pointing to a door down the hall marked "Men." "Bronco and Cactus are our private dining rooms." -<>- _____ , ___)) / | 6 6 (___( _e ____/ /_ / \ o\_/ \ / /\' _ _)\ /_< )____/\_\ ___oo' ,ooooo,|_/ -//,-( / |=/ | \ \ \ \ )_______\ / ) / ) / / ( | | / \ | _________ |/_______\|________. = = /( )\ b'ger /,/ 7 \\_ Sally purchased an answering machine with a prerecorded mes- sage that used a male voice. She chose not to record a new message. The next Saturday she was "screening" her calls. The phone rang and the machine answered... After the message, there was a pause and the caller hung up. The phone rang a second time -- the same result. Then the phone rang a third time, and the person said: "This is your mother, I think. If I am, please call me." -<>- A refined New Russian comes to a small food shop and sees a new delivery of fresh fruit. "Give me two kilograms of oranges and wrap every orange up in a separate piece of paper, please," he says to the saleswoman. She does. "And three kilograms of cherries, please, and wrap up every berry in a separate piece of paper, too." She does. "And what is that there," he asks pointing out a bushel in the corner. "Raisins," says the saleswoman, "But they are not for sale!" ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Wood Chip Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodart.html Wave Photography Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/waveart.html Value What You Have http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html Aww Animals 7! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals7.html Right Angle Photography http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/anglephoto.html Proud Of Our Troops 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops2.html Ricochet The Surf Dog http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html Parenting No-No's 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting3.html Mabel The Chicken! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chicken.html -<>- >From our Friend Linda :) This is a non-rated video clip of buck naked young 'Republican girls' having fun in the pool. I thought hard before I sent this to you, knowing your high moral standards, but decided you can handle it. Young Republican Girls Gone Wild http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4fUYonpkfE --- ...Wowsers! Luv it! Thanks linda! -<>- >From Our Friend KarenF :) Greener side http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/6dbBfXCMbH4?rel=0 --- ...LOL! Yes, When Christ Returns, what a glory! Thanks KarenF! -<>- >From Our Friend Kay :) ecard http://tinyurl.com/btjjen3 --- ...Awww, just for the SMILES of it! Thank You Kay!! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : eyeball game http://goo.gl/ZnNL ipped : coursera https://www.coursera.org/ ripped : center on wrongful convictions http://goo.gl/QNxR0 --- ...Very interesting! Thanks Wesley! ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things...like love!" --Homer Simpson, capitalist "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'." --Homer Simpson, philosopher "Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will." --Homer Simpson, epicure "Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!" --Homer Simpson, sportsman "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" --George Carlin "Every parent has dreams for a child. In one dream, the kid is saying, "I'm proud to accept this Nobel Prize..." In the other dream, the kid is asking, "D'ya want fries with that?" --Robin Williams "I think everybody has low self-esteem to some degree. Because no one can ever take a compliment. They either totally dismiss it or they confess some really horrible thing about themselves that you would never have known otherwise. You'll tell someone, 'Oh, you have a beautiful smile.' They'll say, 'My back tooth is completely black.' 'Oh, well, that's a beautiful dress you're wearing.' 'It was a dollar.'" --Caroline Rhea "My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right." --Ashleigh Brilliant "I went to see Pavarotti once and I'll tell you this much, he doesn't like it when you join in." --Mick Miller "The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life." --George Carlin >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************