No Running, Jogging Or Touching Your Face... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->OoooWEeeee!! oo 8 "} > @ < .8 .-._/| .'_'`')`_.' \| ) / (>'/ |_,_ | (,| .' ,'\| `._/ ) \| '`- -- ''-- --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another donation from our long time Shangrala Angel, M.D. from MO! She has been stepping up to the plate to help Keep Shangrala Alive with her sweet donations year after year! We sure do thank God for her and all our past wonderful angels! If you'd like to help too and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This flaming hot new page is from our friend Linda. It is a fun one showing how even in the worst of weather, love conquers all. Be sure to check this one out here... .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' | ! | | | | ! | Rainy Day Wedding http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/weddings.html --- ...So Sweet! Thank You Linda! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ---------------------------------------------------------- UUUUUUUUU| HHHHHHHHHH | |AAAAAAAA |UUUU UUUUUU C |HHHHHHHHHHHHH | LLLL |AAAAAAAAAAA |UUUUU UUUUU /\_________ HHHHHH |LLLLLLLLLL |AAAAAAAAAAAAA|UUUUU ==== / |######| ======================================= QQQQ |\ |#####/ PPPPP | UU | IIIIIIIL | TT QQQ / | |<_____ PPPPPP | UUUUUUUU | IIIIIIILLLLL| TTTT === ` ` o o ======================================= VK With his wife sick in bed, a man did the weekly supermarket shopping. By the time he reached the checkout, his cart was overflowing. Behind him in the line was a little old lady with just a loaf of bread and some butter. He turned to her and said: "Is that all you have dear?" Her face lit up, "Yes, it is." "Well," he said, "if I were you I'd have a seat because I'm gonna be a while." -<>- >To avoid bankruptcy, the following companies will now merge: Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become... Honey I'm Home. Knott's Berry Farm and the National Organization for Women merge to become... Knott NOW. PolyGram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become... Polly-Warner-Cracker. John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become... Deere Abi. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to become... Hale Mary Fuller Grace. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ March 9 is Panic Day March 10 is International Find a Pay Phone Booth Day, Middle Name Pride Dayand Purim - begins at sundown, date varies March 11 is Johnny Appleseed Day and Worship of Tools Day March 12 is Girl Scouts Day, Plant a Flower Day and Popcorn Lover's Day March 13 is Blame Someone Else Day, Ear Muff Day, Friday the 13th and Jewel Day March 14 i Genealogy Day, Learn about Butterflies Day, National Potato Chip Day and National Pi Day - Why today? Because today is 3.14, the value of Pi. March 15 is Dumbstruck Day, Everything You Think is Wrong Day and Ides of March ======================================================= >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: , , |\ /| \ `-.\ \/ /.-' / \_ / \ _/ __.--/ __ __ \--.__ * `\__.| (. .) |.__/` | /\ | ___ ) * \ | | / ___ /,--.\ ( ) |_/ \_|.......---''`` ``-./ | \\___// / \ ` | '---' \ ^ ^ / \ \ .-''-._/ , | -.-'``''`` `'<_.-. / | | | \ | \ | | \ \ \ \ | `._\ / _\ / \ \ /'''---/```` '-. \ \ \ | \ / \ | ( ( | U'U'U' | | | | | / / | | | | | _/ .` / / _| _| | / ( _/ / / / ( ---` / ( gnv|___\ |___\ A city kid went to his grandpa's farm for the weekend. He tagged along as Pa did what had to be done around the place, taking it all in. Then Grandpa came across a cow having trouble calving. He didn't know how the whole process would be taken in by the six-year-old, but had no option but to get on with the job of assisting the birth. When the calf had been 'pulled' and the cow was happily cleaning it up, Pa asked the boy if he had any questions about what he had just seen. At first the kid seemed overwhelmed by the experience, but finally asked, "Just how fast was that calf going when it hit the cow's behind?" -<>- A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog playing poker. The guy is amazed that the dog is playing poker. "Bartender, is that a real dog playing poker?" the guy asks. "Yep, real as can be." the bartender replies. "Well is he any good?" the guy asks. "Na, every time he has a good hand he wags his tail." -<>- In his Sunday sermon, the minister used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After the sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied, he harangued the congregation for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This received a response of eighty percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen more minutes and repeated his question. All responded except one elderly gentleman in the rear. "Mr. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "One hundred and one." "Mr. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a man can live to be one hundred and one and not have an enemy in the world." The old man teetered down the aisle, slowly turned to face the congregation, smiled and said, "I outlived every one of them!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ('( \ \ " Help !!! Alligators...." d@b | | @@@@' | ('( Y@P `--.. \ `--' .' `. `---....__/ | / . \ /^^^^\ / .'\ \ /^^\________/0 \ \ \ \ \ ( `~+++,,_____,,++~^^^ -unknown- \ \ \__\ ...V^V^V^V^V^V^\........................... _`--` `--' Allen Mullen `---' >SMILES Two fellows were fishing from a dock when an alligator nipped one of them on the foot. The fisherman screamed, 'An alligator just bit off one of my toes.' 'Which one?' his buddy asked. 'How do I know!' the wounded angler friend said in disgust. 'All alligators look alike to me!' ---------- A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said, "Today, in church I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind." The pastor shouted out, "Cross." Immediately the congregation started singing in unison "The Old Rugged Cross." The Pastor hollered out "Grace." The congregation began to sing "Amazing Grace." The Pastor said "Power." The congregation sang "There is Power in the Blood." The Pastor said "lovemaking" The congregation fell in stunned silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything. Then, all of a sudden way, from in the back of the church, a little 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing "Precious Memories." ---------- Mary goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Mary walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings." "I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist. "Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?" ---------- A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following, "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country, we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our private lives!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta satz? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'." ---------- A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know to say, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house. I will put them with my two male talking parrots that I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship. "Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots immediately say, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!" --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- _ _( } -= _ << \ `.\__/`/\\ -= '--'\\ ` -= // jgs \) >Things To Think About . . . . Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"? Does that screwdriver belong to Philip? Does killing time damage eternity? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why is it that night falls but day breaks? Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop? Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it? Did Noah keep his bees in archives? Do pilots take crash-courses? Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers? Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? How can there be self-help "groups"? How do you get off a non-stop flight? How do you write zero in Roman numerals? If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman? If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them? If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of? If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do? (Not to mention otters, walrus and hippos!) If you jog backwards, will you gain weight? If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child? --- ...All good ponderings! TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu! ,////, /// 6| // _| _/_,-' _.-/'/ \ ,/;, ,-' /' \_ \ / _/ `\ / _/\ ` / | /, `\_/ | \' pb /\_ /` /\ /' /_``--.__/\ `,. / \ |_/` `-._ `\/ `\ `. `-.__/' `\ | `\ \ `\ \ \_\__ \___) Here's another: No Running Or Jogging.... Why do woman go running or jogging when movies that show a female doing that always have her being stalked, kidnapped or killed? ========================================================= |\ | \ | ____________ ____________ | / O * maytag \ / O O maytag \ | |____________| |____________| | | ____________ || | | || ||| | | || ]||| | | /\ ____ || ||| | _______ | [| ||Tide|||____________||| | |#####| | __|__||____||______________||______________|__|#####|___| |#####| jro\ >-->From HandyHints: Let's take another look at the laundry room. I know we come back to the laundry room over and over again in Handy Hints, but there is so much time and money to save there that it deserves a lot of attention. Want to get rid of unpleasant odors sticking to towels or clothing? One of the best tricks is to add a little baking soda to your wash. Baking soda is great at killing odors (which is why it is recommended you put it in your fridge). Your towels should come out smelling fresh again. Baking soda is a good alternative to bleach. Bleach can damage fabrics, but baking soda is a lot gentler and can still have a whitening effect. Regularly clean out your washing machine. Why? If you use a lot of detergent, you are going to get a buildup of soap scum over time. This stuff can get into your pipes. Run an empty cycle now and again with just a cup of white vinegar. This will help to remove soapy residue from your pipes. Don't want to run empty cycles? If you add vinegar to your wash on a regular basis, you don't have to. The vinegar will still deodorize your machine and clean it out. It will deodorize your clothing too. It's also pretty great at getting rid of stains, mold, and more. To get deodorant stains off of your clothing, use white vinegar. Sponge it on, and then wait for a few minutes while the vinegar works its magic. Then use hot water to rinse your clothes off. -<>- | __________ | _ __ _ | | | /_\ / \ /_\ | | | =|= | // | =|= | | | ! \__/ ! | | | _ | | | ___ ___ //' | | | [___] _ :=| |=: __T_||_T__ |p= | | | ~| =)_)= | | [__________] | | | | | (_( |xXx| \_ _/ | | | | | )_) """"" \ / | | | \___| | | | | | | `========, | | | | | __`. .'_________________| |________|__________lc_| `. .' (____) \ _| |_... .;;;;;;;;. \ (________);;;; :;;;;;;;;;;: :::::::' '::::::::' Once you have tackled cleaning and organizing in your laundry, the bathrooms in your house are probably the next big challenge! These quick tips will get your bathrooms looking clean and tidy in no time. Remember, a well-organized bathroom is so much easier to keep sparkly clean. Keep your old toothbrushes. They are great for a million purposes in and out of the bathroom. Use them to clean grout in the bathroom or kitchen. They are also handy for cleaning jewelry, and much, much more. Use kitchen drawer dividers in your bathroom. You know, those same things you use for silverware and other odds and ends. Those dame dividers can be perfect for storing makeup, toothbrushes, floss containers, and other small items in your bathroom drawers. As in the kitchen, they serve the additional function of protecting your drawers from moisture. A really cool solution to extra storage space in your shower is to install an extra shower curtain rod. Put it in the back of your shower, and you can hook a shower caddy right onto it. In fact, this provides plenty of space, so you can store caddies for your whole families overhead this way. No more arguing about the messes everyone is leaving in the shower! Try waxing your bathroom tiles with car polish once a month or so. This prevents the buildup of grime. -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: Use cold water whenever possible. This uses up a lot less energy, which will cut back on your costs, and it will help to preserve the colors in your clothing. Warm water causes colors to bleed, whereas cold water minimizes this impact. Additionally, cold water is much gentler to delicate fabrics. You can make your clothes last years longer this way. -<>- Are you constantly throwing away disposable razors? It seems like they should last longer, doesn't it? Try this cool trick to sharpen a dull shower razor and lengthen its lifetime before you have to replace it. 1. Clean and rinse your disposable razors. When you are done shaving clean between the blades with an old toothbrush to remove hair and residue, and then rinse the blades with a few drops of rubbing alcohol. The blades are steel and the alcohol will keep them from rusting! 2. Strop your razor on your blue jeans. You might have seen a barber 'stropping' a straight razor on a piece of leather in an old movie or TV show. The exact same kind of thing will work on a disposable razor. Simply rub your razor against the denim AWAY from the cutting edge of the blades 20 or 30 strokes. This takes fine nicks out of the blades and keeps them sharp for much longer. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Trump Gives Credit, Thanks God for 3 Years of Achievements and Beating Democrats -"Thank you. Thank you, God!" Trump said as he looked toward heaven. https://tinyurl.com/sdfhfv7 LindseyGraham: Passing the 200th judge marker is a major milestone, and conservatives who care about our Constitution should rejoice! President Trump and I promised to chart a new direction for our nation's courts, and we've DELIVERED! If you want four more years of appointing and confirming conservative judges, please sign here to show that you stand with President Trump and me on this critical effort! https://tinyurl.com/tymfljj Trump Announces Admin Will Begin Withholding Funds From Sanctuary Cities https://tinyurl.com/uk7sosl Christopher Steele Refuses To Cooperate With US Prosecutor Looking Into Origins Of Trump-Russia Probe https://tinyurl.com/vlw78de 19 States Drop 77-page Lawsuit on Trump Administration https://tinyurl.com/tnwx84u American Imprisoned in Cuba Says Bernie Told Him He Doesn't Understand What's So Wrong With Cuba https://tinyurl.com/tf7p5cy Washington State to Make Illegal Immigrants Eligible for Student Loans http://trk.cp20.com/click/g7u1-1tllbu-m8ei1k-d7x9nsh8/ EXCLUSIVE: Sanctuary Authorities Asking Public For Help After Releasing Illegal Alien Charged With Child S-ual Assault https://tinyurl.com/ugogx26 As Supreme Court Ponders Louisiana Abortion Case, Sanders Promises To Ban State Regulation Of Abortion https://tinyurl.com/qufmzye REPORT: Chinese Censors Jumped In To Suppress Online Messages Warning About Coronavirus Spread https://tinyurl.com/rvstjae Pence, Netanyahu, Hundreds Of Members Of Congress Went To Conference Attended By 2 People Who Tested Positive For Coronavirus https://tinyurl.com/wegpagd Women for Trump' Bus Tour Begins! https://tinyurl.com/rfdxqwd WomenForTrump: Melania Shares Update on New Tennis Pavilion https://tinyurl.com/vk9hgyx Job Creation Beats Expectations As Women Workers See Gains https://tinyurl.com/srdbghe CDC: Coronavirus: Resources, Updates, and What You Should Know https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html Surgeon General: Be Cautious, But Not Afraid of Coronavirus -CNN https://tinyurl.com/unnolx5 U.S. Partnership with India 'Has Never Been As Good As It Is Right Now' https://tinyurl.com/r52ywgb GOP Sen. Ron Johnson: Report on Burisma-Biden Connections Is Going to be Released https://tinyurl.com/shbwwbr American Dream for All: 'A Nation That Believes in Redemption' https://www.whitehouse.gov/articles/american-dream-everyone/ Westwing News: https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Vegetables, Salsa, Pajamas http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: Residents of a small village in Italy had the taps in their houses dispensing red wine instead of water due to a fault at a nearby winery. Locals in the village of Settecani, in the Castelvetro are of Modena, said the taps in their kitchens and bathrooms were dispensing red liquid instead of water Wednesday, and many quickly identified it from smell as Lambrusco Grasparossa, a locally-produced wine. Officials at the winery said technicians investigated and discovered a technical fault had caused wine to leak from a silo into water pipes. The high pressure of the wine leak was enough to displace the water in the pipes, resulting in the spilled alcoholic beverage entering the water supply and the homes of nearby residents. The local water board dispatched technicians who were able to repair the issue, causing fresh water to again flow through the pipes. The local council apologized to residents in a Facebook post. Some residents told local media they bottled as much of the wine that came from their taps as possible before the flow returned to normal. -<>- * Police chief buys 64 machine guns for 'demonstration purposes' * Over 2 1/2 years Police Chief Dorain LaCourse of Addyston, Ohio used village funds to buy 64 machine guns. The only problem is Addyston, Ohio only has a population of about 900. LaCourse resigned in the wake of allegations that he kept the money after selling the weapons. "That boggles my mind," said Village Councilman Jason Fry. "I mean, that's like one out of every 10 residents has a machine gun." LaCourse also purchased armor-piercing rounds that are illegal in the state of Ohio and unusable by Addyston police. According to a letter LaCourse ordered weapons under his title as chief and inflated the number of officers in the department to justify the spending. Some of the guns were purchased on gun broker and arms lists as being "new in the box" and not being used for gun demonstration by the police department. *--- Knitting while driving? ---* Police in Ohio are warning of the dangers of distracted driving after a woman was caught on camera knitting behind the wheel. The Columbus Division of Police tweeted a video showing a driver at a stop light knitting behind the wheel of her vehicle. Ohio law classifies distracted driving as a secondary offense, meaning police are not allowed to use it as the sole reason for pulling a driver over, but they can issue tickets for the offense if the traffic stop occurs for another violation. "Distracted driving happens. We just don't want anyone to get injured or worse from someone distracted behind the wheel," the tweet said. *--- Shoplifter makes escape on motorized cart ---* An alleged shoplifter in Michigan made an ultra-low-speed getaway on a motorized Walmart shopping cart "because she didn't feel like walking," police said. Police said they were called when a Walmart customer in Fruitport Township saw Shirley Mason, 46, leave the store's parking lot on a motorized shopping cart, officers located the suspect and an alleged male accomplice about two miles away from the store. Mason, who police said had an outstanding warrant for her arrest stemming from a previous incident at a Walmart store in Roosevelt Park, allegedly had up to $600 worth of stolen goods loaded into the $1,200 motorized cart. The police report said Mason told officers she took the cart "because she didn't feel like walking." Mason was arrested on a charge of organized retail crime in addition to the charge of second-degree retail fraud from the previous incident in Roosevelt Park. *--- Man brings tux-wearing llama to wedding ---* An Ohio man made his sister into a viral star when he brought a tuxedo-clad llama as his plus-one to her wedding. Mendl Weinstock, 21, said he was on a road trip with his older sister, Riva, and some friends about five years ago when his then-single sibling started speculating about the details of her eventual wedding. "I said, 'If you make me come to this wedding, I'm going to bring a llama with me," he reported. "It was just the first thing that popped into my head." Riva Weinstock became engaged in October and shortly after the phone call where she told her brother about the news, she received a text message confirmation that Mendl had booked a llama rental. Mendl posted a photo to Reddit of the resulting scene -- a tuxedo-clad llama standing next to his unamused sister in her bridal gown. The bride said she is planning retribution, possibly at her brother's upcoming college graduation. --- , ~) (_---; ejm 97 /|~|\ / / /| ...The llama was invited kind of... Here's the photo and story I found for you here: https://tinyurl.com/w9pc3b2 AND what about all those U0ninvited Wedding Guests? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/weddingguests.html ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb >Stage Drama During a performance for the high school drama class at the local theatre, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee. He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in the back of the theatre shouted: "Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!" -<>- >What's He Like? A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big tops." -<>- >Q and A Quickies: Q: Why should you always guard your rear while you're in the hospital? A: You're in enema territory. Q: What goes up when the rain comes down? A: An umbrella. _,--._ ,' `. |\ / ,-. ,-. \ /| )o),/ ( ( o )( o ) ) \.(o( /o/// /| `-' `-' |\ \\\o\ / / |\ \( . , )/ /| \ \ | | \o`-/ `\/' \-'o/ | | \ \ `,' `.' / / \. \ `-' ,'| /\ |`. `-' / ,/ \`. `.__,' / / \ \ `.__,' ,'/ \o\ ,' ,' `. `. /o/ \o`---' ,' `. `---'o/ `.____,' -shimrod `.____,' Q: What do you call a surgeon with eight arms? A: A doctopus! (Or Dr. Octopus!) Q: After the flash on his camera malfunctioned, what did Satan get back from the drugstore? A: Prints of darkness. Q: Why did the rooster cross the road? A: To prove he wasn't a chicken. Q: What did the diver say to the ship? A: You're a wreck! Q: Why did the Pope cross the road? A: He crosses everything. .-_ ."'. //, ) " \,'``'`, `. \ . '# ) `"'( ,_,. _ _..'. `"/ `)-. .``)_ `-` _-` `-` `-' /`- \_ , .". ,' ,' .". ' ; /``'-.-`'";. : ' : : ; ` , \ ' ; \ ' `-._. `, / `_.,-,`'-,,,,,-'`-,_` : ," jb `. , . : ; ; ,' _` (_,' Q: What's gray, has four legs and a trunk? A: A mouse on vacation. Q: What happened to the cat who ate a ball of yarn? A: She had mittens! Q: How does a lumberjack start his computer? A: By Logging On! Q: What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do? A: Board! Q: Why do surgeons wear facemasks? A: So if they make a mistake, no one will know who did it. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: __ @@;, ( ; ? : ); _| |_ | | || | | _| |_ | \ \ \/ || \/ ___ / / | __| |\ __||____||___||______/| | ||| | |_______ _________| | ||| ||| |____ | | ____| ||| Design by \ \______ ) | | / ______/ / || | | | | | /___| || Samule J. Neptune || | | |_ /| | |\ _| || || || | \__, / | | | \<__/ | || Halfway through a romantic dinner at a nice, cozy restaurant, my husband smiled and said, "You look so beautiful under these lights." I was falling in love all over again when he added, "We gotta get some of these lights!" -<>- At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Dot you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatist, steadfastly replied, "No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back in my face, I can use it again." -<>- A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engage- ment that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him, he complained, "I forgot my teeth, what am I going to do now!?" The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them on. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair -- try these." The speaker tried them on and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He said, "I have one more pair. Try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that, he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker." -<>- ______________________ | ^F _ ^C | | 100 - | | - 40 | Sunday's | 90 - | | - 30 | overnight | 80 - | | - 25 | temperature in | 70 - | | - 20 | Ottawa, Ontario, | 60 - | | - 15 | Canada. | 50 - | | - 10 | | 40 - | | - 5 | | 30 - | | - 0 | | 20 - | | - -5 | Now | 10 - | | - -10 | That's cold! | 0 - | | - -20 | | -10 - | | - -25 | | -20 - |_| - -30 | | -30 - |*| - -35 | | '***` | | (*****) | | `---' | |____________________| Donald Tucker In the office where I work, there is a constant battle between our technical-support director and customer-service personnel over the room temperature, which is usually too low. The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his position, announced one afternoon, "We need to keep the temperature below seventy-five degrees or the computers will overheat." Thinking that this was just another excuse, one of my shivering colleagues retorted, "Yeah right. So how did they keep the computers from overheating before there was air conditioning?" -<>- Last October my wife bought a magnolia tree from the local nursery, but after only a few weeks the leaves shriveled. It appeared to be on its last legs. My wife took some leaf samples and marched into the nursery to demand an explanation. "I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia," said the manager. "Good," said my wife. "What's it suffering from?" "Autumn," he replied. -<>- ___ ===O. ,`\|/`. "|--+--| | "'./|\,' |-"---| _| [_] |) ()| .< >|) ~|< >_]|) | [_] |_) '=====' gpyy Longtime friends were celebrating their 50th anniversary. One of their sons gave a loving toast, finishing with, "and thank you for having such a beautiful marriage." "Thank you for making it necessary," the father joked. In the silence that followed, his wife whispered, "Not him. He's the second son." ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: ___ / \ _\___/_ '->---<-' ( ^ ^ ) \ # / __/'-'\__ / \/'\/ \ / _/ >o \ / > (_o_ <\ \ \_/\_/ | \__\\ \ _ \_/ / \ \_\(_ mb / \ ) \__/ a:f \ / / \\ mic > \ \ \\ __ _/ / \ __ \\ ( \\_____\_____// ) \\ \__`___( )___/__/ \7 >IF MY BODY WERE A CAR... If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things, even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it -- Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh.... Either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires. -<>- ________ (_]----[_) .~ |.''.| ~. |'..'| `~`----` ldb >PHONES IN CHURCH A man in Topeka, Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country.. He started by flying to San Francisco and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign that read "Calls: $10,000 a minute." Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to GOD. The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Denver, St. Louis, Chicago, Milwaukee, and around the United States, he found more phones, with the same sign, and the same answer from each pastor. Finally, he arrived in Mississippi, upon entering a church in Oxford. Behold - he saw the usual golden telephone. But this time, the sign read "Calls: 35 cents." Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor, "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a direct l line to Heaven and that I could talk to GOD, but in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads only 35 cents a call. Why?" The pastor, smiling benignly, replied, "Son, you're in the South now. You're in God's Country, It's a local call." -<>- ,.,. ((((^)) d e_e b \._./ ,---i`-'i---. / | `-' | \ |__| |__| \ | | | \ \______ | | \/ ) \|| \ |- | |'//\ |___|___| | | | ( | ) {_ |__| (__|__} _>= | =<_ hjw (__._|_.__) A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: "You've got Male!" ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Woman - Darkest Before Dawn!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womandbd.html Eleanore Roosevelt Quotes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eleanorquotes.html Brilliant Women Inventors!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womeninventors.html Got A Nanosecond 3? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano3.html Why God Gave Us Puppies http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whypuppies.html Value What You Have! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html Naval Fleet Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/navalart.html MacGyver - How To Do It 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver4.html Why We Love Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whydog.html Dogs As Best Friends! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestfriend.html Aww Animals 7! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals7.html The Moses Bridge! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mosesbridge.html Kisses Sweeter Than Honey! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kisses.html Great Banyan Tree! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/banyan.html All Occasion Cars! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/allcar.html Spring / St.Pat's Day https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) If you love to see people dancing in the movies then I think you 'll enjoy this video edit featuring Laurel and Hardy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIm2XepYq1o --- ...Sweet! A fun one! Thanks LouiseAu! Don't Touch Your Face - video OK, let's just stick with washing our hands then ... https://youtu.be/mA1wqjaeKj0 --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! Watch the amazing acrobatic performers at Cirque Du Soleil's Kooza'. https://youtu.be/Dh5Ds7M7ryE --- ...Wowsers! Thank LouiseAu! Here's Trump's funny on this I saw the other day https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnuNmYDsGVU -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend Wesley :) eye can learn http://tinyurl.com/ylrafrn --- ...Oh yeah, Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) 50 Reasons We're Living Through the Greatest Period in World History By Morgan Housel http://tinyurl.com/k6c5dkw --- ...Great read! Thanks Geniann! The Lottery Illusion http://tinyurl.com/p7bza94 --- ...Cool! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Some hospital workers in Kenya have been suspended after doctors performed brain surgery on the wrong patient. I guess those brain surgeons weren't exactly rocket scientists." -James Corden "The new Florida weapons bill would allow librarians to arm themselves. Now, in a related story, talking in Florida libraries is down 99 percent." -Conan O'Brien "This week in England, a worker at a factory that makes Coca-Cola cans was caught urinating into the cans. But Coke quickly dealt with the situation by putting a Mountain Dew label on it." -Jimmy Fallon "Researchers at the University of Vermont determined that the world's happiest language is Spanish. German finished fourth, which I find hard to believe. In German, even 'I love you' sounds like a threat." -Jimmy Kimmel "Anheuser-Busch has announced it will begin selling a new organic beer called 'Michelob Ultra Pure Gold.' As in, 'Sorry, all we have left is Michelob Ultra Pure Gold.'" -Seth Meyers "A new study found that a growing number of parents regret the name they gave their baby. They actually have a name for those parents: 'celebrities.'" -Jimmy Fallon "The University of Texas has decided to allow students to carry guns in the classroom. The school says it's a guaranteed way to prevent the possibility of a pop quiz." -Seth Meyers "The CEO of SeaWorld has stepped down. He's going to be getting a $10 million retirement package - if he can jump up and catch it with his mouth." -Conan O'Brien "Whole Foods is looking into the idea of putting tattoo parlors in their grocery stores. Even so, the people walking out of Whole Foods with the biggest sense of regret will still be whoever just paid $8 for an apple." -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************