Norm, Blondes, Suicides And More... :) Shangy!
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================
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
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================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Our first flaming hot new pages is from our friend Geniann.
She sent us more wonderful photos and information on one
of the seven natural marvels of the world. It is one you
won't want to miss!
__________________
/ _@___@___@___@_ \
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|@| (;/ . .(( |@| .-;;;-.
| | ):( > )) | | (((;(::(\
|@| (;)\ = /( |@| ).`\):):)
| | )):) .'):) | | < (:(:(
|@| .:(:\_(_)( |@| = `\:):\
| | /`::) `\ | | '--')(:(:)
|@\_/___________\_/@| )(::)"(
jgs \___@___@___@___@___/ .' (::))
/ / ;;-`
\/ / |
World's Largest Mirror 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saltlake2.html
---
...Totally mesmerizing! It brings out the kid in me! Thanks Geniann!
Our Next smoking red hot new page is from our friends Brenda and
Deci. It too is most magnificent and will give you plenty of eye
candy for your day.
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`~^_~^~^~-~^_~^~^_~-=========- -~^~^~^-~^~^_~^~^~^~`
`~^~-~~^~^~-^~^_~^~~ -=====- ~^~^~-~^~_~^~^~~^~-~^~`
`jgs^~-~^~~^~-~^~~-~^~^~-~^~~^-~^~^~^-~^~^~^~^~~^~-`
God's Water Paintings 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/water2.html
---
...Plenty of Ooos and awes here! Thanks Brenda and Deci!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
.---.__
/ /6|__\
\ \/--`
/ \\
/ )\
/ _.' /
//~`\\-'
=====//===(=))=========
jgs /`
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had
lost a parrot. The man said that he had indeed lost the bird, but
wanted to know how the caller located him.
The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept
repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the
phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."
-<>-
Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new
computer. The training officer said the computer was able to
withstand nuclear and chemical attacks.
Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and
yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll
have to get rid of that coffee."
The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?"
"Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
July 17 is Global Hug Your Kids Day, Peach Ice Cream Day, World
Emoji Day and Yellow Pig Day
July 18 is National Caviar Day - something's fishy here
July 19 is National Daiquiri Day, National Raspberry Cake Day,
July 20 is National Ice Cream Soda Day, National Lollipop Day,
Moon Day and Ugly Truck Day
July 21 is National Junk Food Day
July 22 is Hammock Day and Ratcatcher's Day
July 23 is National Hot Dog Day, Parent's Day and Vanilla Ice
Cream Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
___________ @ @
/ (@\ @
\___________/ _@
@ _/@ \_____
@/ \__/-="="`
\_ /
<|
<|
jgs <|
`
>Locked Keys in Car
First I had to work late. Then I discovered that I'd locked my keys
in the car. But the last straw was learning that roadside service
couldn't get a locksmith to me for at least two hours.
Finally the guy showed, looking tired and annoyed. As he struggled
with my door, I joked, "Do those Slim Jim tools come in purse-size?"
"Yeah," he muttered. "They're called keys."
-<>-
>Lunch Box
A bricklayer at a construction job routinely complained about the
contents of his lunch box. "I'm sick and tired of getting the same
old thing!" he shouted one day. "Tonight I'll set my wife straight."
The next day the men could hardly wait until lunchtime to hear what
happened.
"You bet I told her off," the bricklayer boasted. "I said, 'No more
of the same old stuff. Be creative!' We had one heck of a fight, but
I got my point across."
He had indeed. In front of an admiring audience, he opened his lunch
box to find that his wife had packed a coconut - and a hammer.
-<>-
>Too Helpful
Working for a judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal
defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful.
To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly
sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in
an ounce.
As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not
yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are 28.3 grams in
an ounce, your honor."
His attorney advised him to plead guilty.
-<>-
>Warning Signs
While vacationing in Alaska, I couldn't help but notice all the
warnings about bears posted in campgrounds, visitors' centers,
and rest areas advising people not to feed the bears, how to
avoid bears, what to do if a bear sees you, what to do if a bear
attacks, and so on.
My favorite, however, was a hand-lettered sign on the door of a
small gas station in a remote area. It said: "Warning! If you are
being chased by a bear, don't come in here!"
-<>-
>Telling Time
I was teaching my Grade 1 class to tell time using a
conventional-style analog clock. "We'll be learning about the hour
hand and the minute hand," I explained.
One of the students interrupted and said, "I don't need to learn
on that kind of clock. My dad bought me this digital watch, and
right now it's ten minutes to 38."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
Norm, How many b'ger do you need
to change a lightbulb?
\
Get lost Ralf. \
\ \
`,
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|/ ? /" (
| , )\ .Y___ /
/__/\ \____ \(__
,- / \_/ \ / (\
|/| / < _____ _> \ |. ||\
-|.|--/___/ ,___/___\------'-----'
'-' |\/ b'ger
>SMILES
"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only
move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted,
it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed
first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps
improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! In much
the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills
brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest
brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and
more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a
few beers."
----------
A girl came skipping home from grade-school one day. "Mommy, Mommy,"
she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could
only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7,8,
9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy,
Mommy," she yelled. "We were saying the alphabet today, and all
the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,
B, C,D, E, F,G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy,
Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we
showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
And she lifted her tank top.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No, honey, it's because you're 25."
----------
A young man was driving along a country road on the way to see his
girl. As he passed a field the idea struck him to stop and pick a
bouquet of flowers. He had barely begun romping through the field
when he became aware of a rather mean looking bull not far away,
with head lowered and an evil look in his eye.
Far away, leaning comfortably on the prudent side of the fence,
stood a farmer taking in the situation. The young man called out to
him, "Hey, mister! Is that bull safe!"
To which the farmer shouted back, "Safe as anything! Can't say the
same about you, though!"
----------
At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist
often chatted with patients before their operations to help them
relax.
One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA
hospital where he had trained.
When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said,
"So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?"
"Well, I suppose," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."
----------
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see his doctor. The
doctor asked him all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long
had they been occurring, etc., when the veterinarian interrupted
him, saying, "Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients
these kind of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by looking.
Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, looked him up and down, wrote out a prescription,
and handed it to him and said, "There you are. Of course, if *that*
doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."
----------
DAD: "Son don't you know what happens to you when you break one of
the Ten Commandments?"
SON: "Sure. You have nine left."
----------
My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other
day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he
went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read:
"I'm the Boss!"
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found
that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
"Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
----------
It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the South.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated
in front of me.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
----------
My husband's skills with do-it-yourself home repairs are at best
mediocre. After spending several evenings trying to fix a leak in
the bathroom, he finally admitted defeat and called a plumber, who
finished the job in ten minutes.
Watching him put away his equipment, my son asked what had been the
problem. "Well," the plumber replied, "your father got hold of
some tools. . . ."
----------
Vito and Juliana were having their usual battle of men vs women.
"Italian men are all stupid," screamed Juliana.
"Oh, yeah?" yelled her husband. "I'll have you know it was an
Italian man who invented the toilet seat!"
"And I'll have you know," said his wife, "it was an Italian woman
who thought of putting a hole in it!"
----------
Morris had just had coronary artery bypass surgery a month
ago and now is at the doctor's office for his final follow up visit.
Of course Morris wants to know when he can start making love again.
The doctor explains to Morris that he would be able to resume his
normal life as soon as he could climb two flights of stairs without
becoming winded.
Morris listens attentively and then says, "What if I look for
women who live on the ground floor?"
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
.---.
/_____\__ .===. _ _
`\/6.6\/--` / _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \
( _ ) \/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ |
,'---', ( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===.
/ _ \ _)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \
/\/ (_) \/\ / `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) .=@=.
\ | (_) | / /\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )( / \
\| |/ \ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) \ 6.6 /
|_____| \|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ ( _ )
| | | | L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) .-'---'-.
| | | |__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ / . . \
\__|__/ | | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ _/ /| , |\ \_
|_|_| |_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` (__/{`"==="`}\__)
jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ /\_ _/\
(___|___) (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) _| /`"`\ |_
( \ / \ / )
\_/ \_/
>Dear Sir,
I have a very complicated benefits question.
Many years ago, I married a widow out of love who had an 18 year
old daughter. After the wedding, my father, a widower, came to
visit a number of times, and he fell in love with my step daughter.
My father eventually married her without my authorization. As a
result my step-daughter became my step mother and my father
became my son in law. My father's wife (also my step daughter) and
my step-mother, gave birth to a son who is my grandchild because I
am the husband of my step daughter's mother. This boy is also my
brother, as the son of my father.
As you can see, my wife became a grandmother, because she is the
mother of my father's wife. Therefore it appears that I am also my
wife's grandchild.
A short time after these events, my wife gave birth to a son, who
became my father's brother-in-law, the step-son of my father's
wife, and my uncle.
My son is also my step mother’s brother, and through my step-
mother, my wife has become a grandmother and I have become my own
grandfather.
In light of the above mentioned, I would like to know the following:
Does my son, who is also my uncle, my father's son-in-law and my
step mother's brother fulfill the requirements for receiving
childcare benefits?
Sincerely yours,
Mohammed
THE ANSWER:
Of course you qualify Mohammed! I have arranged to start mailing
the checks to all of you just as soon as you arrive here in
California.
Yours faithfully
Jerry Brown
-<>-
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_..--..._ _.-' ('.:| . / ` 0 ` \
.' .-' `..' | / .^. |
/ .' \ ' . `._
.'| `. \`...____.----._.'
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// \ | _.-'| |_ `. \
|| | | /\ \_| _ _ |
|| | /. . ' `.`.| || ||
|| / ' ' | . | `.`---'/
.' `. | .' .'`. \ .' / `...'
.' \ \ .'.' `---\ '.-' |
)/\ / /)/ .| \ `. `.\ \
)/ \( / \ | \ | `. `-.
)/ ) | | __ \ \.-` \
| /| ) .-. //' `-| \ _ /
/ _| | `-'.-.\ || `. )_.--'
) \ '-. / '| ''.__.-`\ |
/ `-\ '._|--' \ `.
\ _\ / `---.
LGB /.--` \ \ .''''\
`._..._| `-.' .-. |
'_.'-./.'
>Why Suicide for these Extremists?
Everyone seems to be wondering why Radical Muslim Terrorists
are so quick to commit suicide.
Let’s have a look at the evidence:
- No Christmas
- No Easter
- No Valentine's Day
- No television
- No nude women (except snuck on a computer under da bomb file)
- No football
- No pork chops
- No hot dogs
- No burgers
- No beer
- No bacon
- Rags for clothes
- Towels for hats
- Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower
- More than one wife (& More than one mother in law)
- You can't shave
- Your wife can't shave
- You can't wash off the smell of donkey
- You cook over burning camel dung
- Your wife is picked by someone else for you or she hates you
- Your wife smells worse than your donkey
- When out committing Jihad all ya got is a boy chained to your bed
Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"?
Well no kidding, Sherlock!....
It's not like it could get any worse!
---
...LMAO! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
She's Fuming And an Awesome Sneak Peak of the Museum Of The Bible -
Justice with Judge Jeanine Pirro 7/15/17 - Must See:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGkPdqTL0ZU
Kid Rock Fires First Shots at Democratic Opponent: Were “Sick And
Tired Of Their Bulls***!”
http://tinyurl.com/y8wcckud
The ULTIMATE List That Darns The Hysterical Hypocrisy Of Leftie
Liberals - 42!
http://tinyurl.com/ya8ejhk7
VIDEO: First Class Flight Attendant Caught On Camera Doing One Of
The Most DISGUSTING Things Ever
http://tinyurl.com/yczmsvtj
What did I tell you? Like back in Jesus' day, the far left turn
to name calling, cussing and violence when they are faced with
the sting of the truth and they know they can't win:
Elizabeth Warren Goes After Kid Rock In Smear Campaign
http://tinyurl.com/y8bmlpqe
Vile Stephen Colbert Crossed The Line Over Comments About
Kellyanne Conway
http://tinyurl.com/ybkjcfms
Rosie O’Donnell Makes A VILE Slur Attack On Trump Press Secretary
Sarah Sanders
http://tinyurl.com/y8eqssvo
Hah! What Hypocrites – Women’s Marchers Hired Armed Guards For
Their Protest Against The NRA
http://tinyurl.com/ycpcmpyu
---
...Again, these 'Women's Marchers' don't represent any women I
know!. They are very narrow minded. If you support guns, the bible
or are pro life then you as a women are not allowed to March with
them. The Students for Life found them to be just big leftist
Hypocrites. Like the Black Lives Matter group who appear to be
just as racist as the KKK who are against all nonwhite people, the
BLM are just the opposite. They are just hate groups. They are
racist against any person who is not black and are also strongly
against all police officers! These groups are just a bunch of
haters, hypocrites and liars.
Feeling Safe Yet? TSA Agent Caught On Video Praying To Allah
Outside Seattle Airport
http://tinyurl.com/ya7poofm
---
...I totally believe in Freedom Of Religion - but...
I don't think if you are looking for extremist Muslims boarding
our airlines that it is wise to hire a Muslim to be checking for
them. Like having a Christian looking for an extremist Christian.
Impartiality might not be there. Why take a chance? Plenty of
other jobs this person could do rather then look for people he
is bias for simply by reason of his faith. Like they say, It would
be like a fox guarding the hen house. Just not smart. Give him a
different job! Where has common sense and logic thinking gone?
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
A Texas police officer responded to an unusual plea for help
when a Good Samaritan called 911 to report someone slipped a
note through the receipt slot of an ATM, saying they were
trapped inside.
The incident happened at a Bank of America branch in Corpus
Christi.
Officer Richard OIden arrived at the scene after the repair-
man had pushed out handwritten notes that read: "Please help.
I'm stuck in here, and I don't have my phone. Please call my
boss."
At first, Olden said he thought someone was playing a prank.
Then he heard a faint voice coming from behind the machine
and realized someone was actually inside.
The repairman, who was not identified, had gone inside the
room housing the ATM to fix a broken lock on the door.
Unfortunately, the lock got the better of the worker and
he'd left his cellphone in his truck, rendering him helpless.
The man had apparently put several notes through the machine,
though previous customers either didn't notice them or
thought they were a joke.
When police realized what had happened, they kicked open the
door to the security room, freeing the man inside.
-<>-
It's not easy being a cop...
If you want to commit suicide but don't quite have the guts
to follow through with it, apparently one quick way to help
get the job done is to call the police.
Like last year when a Florida woman called the police because
her boyfriend was drunk and lying in bed playing with a knife.
Two SWAT officers showed up with assault rifles and promptly
shot him dead. Did I mention he was lying in bed?
But never let it be said that the police don't have a sense
of proportion about these things. Like this story of a
disturbed man in Texas.
Police were called when two women observed a mentally ill
man who had doused himself in gasoline and appeared to be
getting ready to set himself on fire.
Officers arrived, got the women out of the home and began
talking to the man. While officers tried to calm him down,
a police spokeswoman said, he poured more gasoline on him-
self and was believed to be holding a lighter in one hand.
Perhaps not wanting to waste all that expensive fuel, the
officers decided the best way to subdue him was to deploy
a taser.
The spark from the weapon set the man off like a torch.
The spokeswoman acknowledged the risk of using an electrical
stun gun near gasoline, but said the man was "very frantic
and erratic and became a danger to everyone in the room."
That being namely himself, seeing as how the police had
already cleared everyone else out.
On the plus side, the man did not die. Officers wrapped him
in a blanket to put out the fire and got the man outside the
home. He was later taken to a hospital.
The officers were also taken to the hospital for smoke
inhalation.
*------------- Birds of a Feather -------------*
A drunk driver in Louisiana was arrested while attempting to
bail out her friend who had earlier been arrested for drunk
driving. Slidell Police Department said officers pulled over
a "car full of drunks" on Saturday night and arrested the
driver, who was charged with a DWI. About an hour after
police secured the offending vehicle in the parking lot and
the passengers took a cab ride home, the woman decided to
return to the scene to pick up the vehicle and get her friend
out of jail. "She then drives drunk to the Slidell Police
Department in order to bail out her friend. Instead of
bailing out her friend, she's was able to join him inside the
jail," police said. Upon arriving at the police department,
the woman was arrested for drunk driving and police hoped she
learned a valuable lesson. "Lesson of the day...don't drive
drunk to a police station in order to bail out your drunk
friend!" police said.
*------- When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go -------*
Police are looking to arrest a man who urinated on a woman
while riding on a train, according to police in New York.
The New York Police Department said that the suspect took
advantage of the 26-year-old victim who was listening to
music with her eyes shut while traveling in the Manhattan
bound J train. The incident unfolded shortly after the
train left the 75th Street Elderts Lane station. The 26-
year-old woman decided to relax and listen to music. She
closed her eyes for a few minutes, until she felt something
hitting her face. When she opened her eyes, the woman saw
the man standing next to her and urinating on her face. The
suspect then fled at the Cypress Hills station in Brooklyn.
*------- Snake Knocks Out Power to 4,790 -------*
A snake that slithered into the wrong section of a South
Carolina electrical substation was blamed for knocking out
power to nearly 4,800 homes, utility officials said. Duke
Energy spokesman Ryan Mosier released a photo showing a
snake dangling from equipment at the Brushy Creek substation
Wednesday after knocking out power to 4,790 customers in
Greenville County. "It's not uncommon, especially this time
of year, to see something like this happen," Mosier said.
Duke Energy spokeswoman Meghan Musgrave Miles said snakes
are blamed for about 100 power outages each year in the six
states where the utility operates. She said the company is
taking steps to prevent future incidents, including retro-
fitting 400,000 transformers with specially designed electric
fences to keep snakes and other animals away.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
..
|\\
.====^^\\==.
|\ || |\ kya
:X"====^^===='
\|XXXXXXXXXX|
"""""""""""
>Picnic
My brother, Tony, agreed to take his young nephews to a neighborhood
Picnic. A few hours later, just as my father was wondering how Tony
Was managing, my mother walked into the room brandishing her cell
Phone, laughing.
Dad took it from her and read aloud the text message she had just
Received:
"Marshmallows burned, ketchup in hair, kids tossing Newspapers on
bonfire, smoke all over. Great party. Kids happy. Never again. Am
smarter. Much smarter."
---
...LOL! Parents always learn the hard way! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
*umph*
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[|#|#|------| ( || | || ) |------|#|#|]
|#|#| |__|_.-'''-._|__| Pr|#|#|
"|#| 59|#|"
" "
>A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong
with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get
into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my husband purchased a week of personal
training at the local health club.Although I am still in great shape
since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I
decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer
named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics
instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
______________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it
was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo
waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair,
dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed
watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class
after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was
already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This
is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
______________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the
air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on
the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made
it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on
the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe
I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I
didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club
parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered
other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that
early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine
that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the
stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would
help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
______________________________
THURSDAY:
B-hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as
his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't
help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my
shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I
ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find
me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine - which I sank.
______________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that jerk Christo more than any human being has ever hated
any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny,
anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part
of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him
with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!
And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn
barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama
coach or the choir director?
______________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly
voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice
made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked
the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven
straight hours of the Weather Channel..
______________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go
and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next
year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a root
canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend
over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
Send this to a friend who needs to laugh. We all need a good laugh
---
...aww the joys of getting in shape! HaHa! Thanks Bunni!
==============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
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________________________
____________------------ -------------_________
unknown
Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other.
The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the
earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks,
"Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first spaceman says, "I don't think so...They have them
aimed at themselves."
-<>-
A guest at dinner noticed the small family dog looking
hungrily at every bite she took. Finally she took a small
piece of meat from her plate and held it up for him.
"Speak!" she said to the dog.
The dog answered, "Under the circumstances, I hardly know
what to say!"
-<>-
We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical
audiotapes, my co-worker came upon the following garbled
diagnosis: "This man has pholenfrometry."
Knowing nothing about that particular condition, she
double-checked with the doctor. After listening to the
tape, he shook his head.
"This man," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from
a tree."
-<>-
I knew I had been in the military too long when my five-year-
old daughter sang her version of "Silent Night." It went like
this: "Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright,
Round yon virgin mother and child, Holy infantry, tender and
mild..."
-<>-
A few years ago we were desperately trying to sell our house,
which was situated on a busy thoroughfare. Our real estate
agent decided to have open-house inspection nearly every day
to promote the sale. We instructed the children not to talk
to anyone about the house.
One evening a man took our seven-year-old daughter aside and
asked if our house had any secrets he should know. Her first
reaction was to smile and ignore his question. But he became
more persistent and, finally, she confessed there was one
secret but she could not tell it to him.
"Now we're getting somewhere," he said. "Tell me the secret.
I promise I won't tell anyone."
She looked him straight in the eye and whispered, "We have
monsters in our sewer."
-<>-
In the office where I work, there is a constant battle
between our technical-support director and customer-service
personnel over the room temperature, which is usually too
low.
The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his
position, announced one afternoon, "We need to keep the
temperature below seventy-five degrees or the computers
will overheat."
Thinking that this was just another excuse, one of my
shivering colleagues retorted, "Yeah right. So how did they
keep the computers from overheating before there was air
conditioning?"
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
.-.
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>My Mother Said...
HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, if I've told you once, I've
told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would
you listen to me? Noooo!"
MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like
other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that
stuff off the ceiling?"
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe?
Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
BARNEY'S MOTHER: "I realize strained plums are your favorite,
Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple."
GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER: "I've got a bill here for a busted chair
from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"
LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER: "Well, all I've got to say is if
you don't get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room,
there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But, Albert, it's your senior
picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel,
mousse, something...?"
SUPERMAN'S MOTHER: "Clark, your father and I have discussed
it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line.
Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone
booths?"
THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented
the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn it off and get to
bed!"
-<>-
_.---.
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`-`---' hjw
>Ten Things a Cat Thinks About
1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans
make noise with their mouths?
3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have
ulterior motives?
5. Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats,
why can't we cats ever get these stupid dogs to do anything
for us?
6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.
7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization
of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent
sofas and can openers in the first place?
9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?
10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just
to let them know who's boss.
-<>-
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BrB (___)(___) (-~~-__/___-~-~).
+Ool
>You Know It's July In Texas When...
* You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
* Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is
hotter than the air inside.
* Airplanes can't land because the asphalt is too soft.
* You discover that it only takes two fingers to drive your
car.
* The swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra
crispy".
* Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
* The strawberries are ripe and the cab drivers are riper.
* Your pool water starts to boil in the sun.
* Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans.
* A scalding hot shower still cools you down.
* You've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man.
* People walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into
flames.
* A $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-
conditioned restaurants.
* You need a spatula and shoe horn to remove your clothing.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
God's Bumper Stickers
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gbumper.html
Bobcat On A Cactus!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bobcatoncactus.html
Extreme Dog Grooming!
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Dog Days Of Summer!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogdays.html
Koala's In A Heatwave!
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Ricochet The Surf Dog!
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Extreme Camping!
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Newborn Moose
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moose.html
Old US City Photos
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/uscities.html
Watermelon Art 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/watermelon2.html
Scott Weaver Toothpick Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/toothpick.html
Auto MotorPlex!
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Most Beautiful Mushrooms!
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Humor In Religion 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion3.html
Parenting No-No's 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting2.html
Beaches In S.Korea!
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Morons At Work!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html
Life's Little Oops 10!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops10.html
Scientists Unveil New Species!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newspecies.html
-<>-
>Follow Me On StumbleUpon Here:
http://tinyurl.com/yby8ekzn
-<>-
>From Our Friend and my son Victor :)
Trump vs CNN - Monday Night Raw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk3-akrCy0A
---
...LOL! That'll Teach CNN! Thanks Victor! Thought they could
bully and shut down a funny Gif - now look what they unleashed!
It's not smart sparring with OUR PRESIDENT! CNN found out...
BOOM! CNN’s Jim Acosta Responds To Trump’s ‘#Fake News is DISTORTING
DEMOCRACY’ Claim – Gets ROASTED
http://tinyurl.com/y85mdy2c
The problem with the 'fake news' is that all these lies do is
make it more difficult to discern the truth from lies - like
smoke and mirrors - what the deceiver and father of all lies
loves doing to us. The devil plays the best game of delusion.
The best way for us to overcome the devil's lies and not be
fooled by him is to do as the bible says ...
Eph.4:
[27] Neither give place to the devil.
Simply means to not to go there - don't give him and his lies
or his works of hate any attention so that you are not deceived
and led into his world of falsehoods.
Many of us get it and simply don't watch them or any of the others.
-<>-
Revisiting...
This dummy knows his stuff
Before you watch it, do you know the answer to the question
"What is the Third Amendment? If not, you'll find out.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/F584p5kJL-U?rel=0
What Happens When A Washcloth is Wrung in Space?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMtXfwk7PXg
-<>-
>From TheMouth:
MYSTERY NET
It’s dusk. Three shadowy figures cautiously make their way along
the wall of a tall, dark and spooky building heading for...? It’s
anyone’s guess where they’re going. Enjoy solving mysteries? Dead
Man’s Curve, Belligerent Bigamist, and Dumb Dr. Dunn are just a few
of the mysteries you might have solved had you been a recent
visitor. But you still have a chance as the stories are periodically
updated. This is a great site to keep the serious mystery fan in the
know, with links and articles featuring the great mystery writers
from Agatha Christie to Nancy Drew.
http://www.mysterynet.com
DEATH CLOCK
Calculate how much time you have left to live. Like the hour-
glass of the Net, the Death Clock will remind you just how
short life is.
http://www.deathclock.com
HOW TO WIN AT CARNIVAL GAMES
Here's a handy guide on beating the carnival games so you can
have the upper hand! Warning: Some adult language:
http://www.retrocrush.com/archive2003/fair/index.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
Kenny Wayne Art
http://www.myraku.com/
---
...Cool art! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
The Blue Diamonds - Ramona
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElHHM9QGOMs
Fabian - 'Tiger' - 1959 45rpm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BL3R6VwV54
Ricky Nelson - Hello Mary-Lou
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLkCWT2neuI
Summertime Blues- Eddie Cochran
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeWC59FJqGc
Solomon King - She Wears My Ring
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvvophW5Eog
---
...Awesome oldies! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little
useless information."
-Oscar Wilde
"Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that
it makes him more pleasing to others."
-Samuel Johnson
"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs comes out next week. So
much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you'll
want to sleep with an intern."
-Craig Kilborn
"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The
good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy
the waking hours much more."
-Woody Allen
"Angelina Jolie decided to name her new son Knox because it
ends in the letter x just like her other sons Maddox and
Pax. Jolie better not have any more sons because the only
two names left are Xerox and Ex-Lax." -Conan O'Brien
"According to a new study, ladies and gentlemen, you can
improve your memory by watching less TV, doing crossword
puzzles, eating more fish – I can't remember all that."
--Dave Letterman
"A German airline is offering nude flights. What a tremendous
idea. How many times have you been on a flight and looked
around and said, 'Gee, if only I could see these people
naked.'" -David Letterman
"They say that kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray,
which is a good thing to remember the next time you get
lonely." -Fred Stoller
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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