Not A Cow, Perception, And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ###### ########## ###### _\_ ##===----[.].] #( , _\ ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ # )\__| \ / `-._``-' >@ | | | | | | | dp/VK | | *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) I am back! Finally! o o //@@ o @@ ^^ @@@ v @ _____ / \ / | |\____\ / ( X ) | | | | <___=\ | | | \======\ \|_"_| (____ It was a long and stressful week with getting my computer back up and running but here I am! I am on a firmer foundation then before with Windows 7 instead of Windows XP - which was part of the difficulty and time getting back to you all! It is not easy getting things to work under a new operating system. Those of you who sent me emails from 4/20 to 5/5 if you didn't see me use your email, I'd greatly appreciate you sending it to me again. I have lost all emails from that time period. Fortunately, I have all my others that date back as far as 2000. So I am quite pleased that worked out! Huggums to all of you for your patience and understanding! -<>- >HOT Off The "Shangy' Press :) This one my computer just came back into service in time for! Our friends Sheila and Linda had forwarded this to me long ago, but I was saving it for just the right time to do up. Now is the time! Many of you may wonder why I use the 'Tell Me A Story - Tell Me A Story" phrase a lot of the time when sharing stories with you. Turn up your sound and you will hear why when you load this page. It comes from 1953 I think. ,"=-. / _),`'". ( /a( ), ) ) C = = ?/ ( )) (_ o-< ) ( `-' \; ( \_ ( | \ ) )| \_/} \ \ \(_;/-|_) )/) `._,--/ / / `!__!! ( (_o)) For All Mothers And Fathers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mum.html --- ...Super Thanks for this fun one Sheila and Linda! ===================================================================== >-->From TheFunnyBone: Time To Cut The Lawn .--. /-. \ < ^ `D/ Last summer, when the power mower was \_ ( broken and wouldn't run, Jane kept )_/;. hinting to Dick, her husband, that he _ __|_, \\ needed to get it fixed, but somehow ,(_I_______)\ the message wasn't sinking in. //`-----\ \ // \____/\ She finally thought of a // / / clever way to make the // _____ / /\ \ point. When Dick .---n-. //'` `\/ / \ \ arrived home _____|_"_~_|___// /\ \ \ \ that day, / / \ / \ `\__...--' _\__\ \_/\ he found \\\\\\\\\\\'-\__/--===-\__/-'`,,,,,,,,(____\,,,(__/,,,, her seated \\jgs\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ in the tall grass, busily clipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time, then went into the house. Jane thought she had again failed to get his attention. Well, he was gone only a few moments, and when he came out again he handed her a toothbrush saying, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the sidewalks. ==================================================================== +-------------- More Bizarre May Holidays ---------------+ May 11 is Eat What You Want Day and Twilight Zone Day May 12 is Limerick Day May 13 is Leprechaun Day May 14 is National Dance Like A Chicken Day May 15 is National Chocolate Chip Day May 16 is Wear Purple For Peace Day May 17 is Pack Rat Day May 18 is International Museum Day and Visit Your Relatives Day May 19 is Frog Jumping Jubilee Day May 20 is Eliza Doolittle Day (Even More to Come.) ============================================================== >-->From ArcaMaxJokes: ......... .'------.' | Plug and Play | .-----. | | | | | | | __| | | | |;. _______________ / |*`-----'.|.' `; // / `---------' .;' // /| / .''''////////;' // |=| .../ ######### /;/ //| |/ / / ######### // //|| / `-----------' // || /________________________________//| || `--------------------------------' | || : | || | || |__LL__|| || | || : | || | || | || `""' n | || `""' | || M | || | || | || | || `""' `""' MasterMind >Late Again Johnny Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, boss. The wife decided to drive me to the train station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river. Look, my suit is still damp. Then I ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes." "You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes." -<>- >Priestly Visit There was a priest who went into the country to pay a visit to a 92-year-old church member. She welcomed him into the parlor. While she made tea, he looked around and saw a beautiful oak pump organ with a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was half filled with water and a condom was floating on top of it. He dare not say anything. After tea, curiosity got the best of him and the priest asked her about it. She replied, "While in town I found a little foil package on the sidewalk and took it home. The directions on the back said 'keep wet and put on your organ to prevent disease.' And you know, I think it works! I haven't had a cold all winter!" -<>- >Brain Transplant A young girl had been suffering from severe headaches and had tests run by her doctor. The doctor said, "I'm sorry miss, but you have a massive brain tumor." The girl started crying and said to her mom, "I'm only 15 years old. I don't want to die." The doctor said, "Well this is modern medicine. There is an experimental technique for a brain transplant, but it's expensive and not covered by insurance." The girl's mother said, "Don't worry, dear. How much does it cost?" The doctor replied, "Well, a male brain is $1,000,000 and the female brain is $25,000." The mom said, "No problem. But why is the male brain more expensive then the female brain?" The doctor replied, "Because the female brain is USED!" -<>- .-"-. / _ \ | / \ | _|_|_|_|_ "--...-". . "---...--jro"" . . . . (( // _ ('< <') _ . . . \ | /|) (|\ | / \|.'/: :\`.|/ . `._.' `._.' . . || . <| . . . ^^. ^ . . "Yeah, well, I couldn't take anymore, so I told the big bully he could just go and cluck himself." >Lost Chickens The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke pen. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst. "Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly. "But I managed to find all twelve of them." "Well, you did real good, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven." -<>- >Not One for You A drunk walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender does just that, and hands the man the bill. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street. The very next day, the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." The bartender figures that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt. He pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself, and hands the drunk the bill. Again, the drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day, the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill." In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "Nope! You get too violent when you drink." -<>- >Mean Firemen A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato. "Come on! Jump! You gotta jump." say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You are going to pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead. "No! It's brunettes that we can't stand. We're Okay with Redheads." repied the firemen. "Okay." said the redhead, and she jumped. SWISH! The firemen yanked the blanket away, and the lady was flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the blonde stepped to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yelled, "Jump! You have to jump!" "No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away." yelled the blonde. "No! Really! You have to jump. We won't pull the blanket away," answered the firemen. "Look," the blonde said. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away. So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it." -<>- >Long Wait The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. "Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me." "Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went." -<>- /| /| | \ __ _ _ / ; ___ \ \ _.-"-" `~"\ `"--' / _.-' ""-._\ "" ._," ; "\"--._./ _.-' \./ "-""", ) ~" | / ,- .' , ' `o. ; ) \ ;/ ' ; / |/ ' | \ ' | / | J."\ , | " : \ .' : | ,. _) | | / f | |`--"--' \_ \ \ / _/ | \ "-._ _.| ( j/; -'/ \ | "/ ( | /, | | \ | /\ |\_/// / \ / \ | \ \ / / || \ \| | | | || \ \ | | / |\ |_|/ || L \ || || `"' |\ |\ [nabis] ( \. \ `. |_ _\|_ _\ " " >Not a Cow A visitor to a bed-and-breakfast inn in the country awoke early one morning to find the farmer and his family still asleep. Slightly irritated at not having his breakfast even begun yet, he took a glass and went out to the barn to try his hand at milking the cow himself. Later on his way back into the house, he met the farmer and his wife who had just come downstairs to begin the day's work. "What cha doin' out in my barn, fella?" the farmer demanded. The visitor replied, "Well, I woke up at 8 o'clock and you were still asleep, and breakfast wasn't ready, so I thought I would go out and milk the cow myself. It took longer than I thought it would, but after a few minutes she finally filled the glass all at one time." He then took a long drink from his glass and asked, "Say, what kind of cow is that, anyway?" "We don't have a cow, son." the farmer replied. "We have a bull." =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Linda: dp dp || _||_ ' || ` ~/ ) || ( // _)::(_ // ) || ( // ( \/ ) // `-..-' /' PG >Perception... THE SITUATION In Washington , DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule. About 4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk. At 6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again. At 10 minutes: aA 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly. At 45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32. After 1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all. No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music. This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. This experiment raised several questions: *In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? *If so, do we stop to appreciate it? *Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context? One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . .. How many other things are we missing as we rush through life? Enjoy life NOW .. it has an expiration date --- ...AND unexpected beauty - Thanks Linda! ==================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From Patriot Update: Obama Economy is Making You Poor http://tinyurl.com/3po9ysw -<>- >From The TeaParty Happy Mother's Day And More http://tinyurl.com/43llk7e -<>- >From VisionToAmerica: Obama: Nation Can't Drill its Way Out of Soaring Gas Prices http://tinyurl.com/3ercbbc -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- City amends law for disabled kangaroo ---------- BROKEN ARROW, Okla. - An Oklahoma city passed an amendment to its exotic animal ordinance to allow a local women to keep her disabled kangaroo if she meets a set of condit- ions. The Broken Arrow City Council amended the ordinance, which previously did not allow exotic animals in the city, to allow resident Christie Carr to keep Irwin the kangaroo if she meets conditions to be overseen by a review commit- tee made up of veterinarians, exotic animal experts and wildlife sanctuary operators, the Tulsa World reported Thursday. The conditions include obtaining liability insur- ance, which Carr said has been taken care of by an anony- mous donor, and ensuring the animal has a proper enclosure and veterinary care. Carr, a former volunteer at Safari's Interactive Animal Sanctuary in Broken Arrow, said Irwin came home with her after suffering injuries including a broken neck and a brain injury when he ran into a fence post. She said Irwin was initially paralyzed by the injury but can now make a few hops before falling down. Carr welcomed the amendment. "It won't be as easy as it sounds," -- Man with no warrant flees, jumps in river ------- RENSSELAER, N.Y. - Police in New York state said a man who wrongly believed there was a warrant for his arrest jumped from a car, ran across train tracks and jumped into a river. Rensselaer police said a vehicle was pulled over on East Street for a possible traffic violation and a 21- year-old passenger, whose name was not released, ran from the car, ran across tracks near an Amtrak station and jump- ed into the Hudson River, the Albany (N.Y.) Times-Union reported Thursday. Police said the man, who was pulled from the water about 250 feet downstream, erroneously believed there was a warrant for his arrest. "He just took a swim for no reason at all," Deputy Police Chief James Frankoski said. The man, who was taken to Albany Medical Center Hospital for examination, may face charges of trespassing and resisting arrest, police said. Carr said of meeting the conditions. "But it's not 'no.'" -- Woman sues over dominatrix outing ----------- NEW YORK - A New York woman is suing a woman who outed her as a dominatrix in another court case, contending her nursing career was dashed by the revelation. Mia Metzger's city Supreme Court lawsuit alleges her nursing career was ruined by the publicity surrounding the disclosure in Lisa Brockington's sexual harassment lawsuit against John Tuckner, Metzger's boyfriend, the New York Post reported. Brockington, a former office manager for Tuckner, said in her suit against the women's rights lawyer that he was a "self-described, 'testosterone-poisoned' attorney" and wore a slave collar at Metzger's request. Wait, what?! -- Man ticketed for drunken riding ------------ ARVADA , Colo. - Police in Colorado said a cowboy who was having trouble staying on his horse was ticketed for riding an animal while under the influence of alcohol. Brian Drone of Arvada was cited for the Class B traffic violation, which carries a $25 fine, after the rider and his horse were pulled over in a strip mall parking lot, KUSA-TV, Denver, reported Monday. Arvada Police Sgt. Jeff Monzingo said it was his first case of drunken riding in 15 years on the job. "This is kind of a tricky call," Monzingo said. "Unlike in a DUI where you can tow a car, we had to do some- thing with the horse." Monzingo said a local stable owner who knows Drone offered to take the rider and his horse home. Drone said he and his horse, Cricket, were out for a "joyride" when they were pulled over. -- Cereal cam catches office intruder ----------- SYDNEY - An Australian marketing agency said a camera hidden in a cereal box solved the mystery of who had been entering the office at night to eat, sleep and shower. Employees of The Marketing Store in Sydney said they found signs that someone had been coming into the office almost nightly for several weeks and eating about six bowls of cereal each night from the office kitchen, the Sydney Morning Herald reported. Doug Chapman, The Marketing Store's Asia Pacific president, said the woman who runs the office kitchen had the idea of hiding a camera in a cereal box after security tapes failed to yield any signs of the mystery guest. Chapman said the hidden camera recorded the man entering through an overhead ventilation panel and leaving by a fire escape. The man was met by a security guard on his next visit to the office. Bosses called police and warned the man, but no charges were filed. "We didn't want to press charges but we did warn him -- told him it's a bit off-putting for the girls, and those who have to work late night," Chapman said. -- Chinese officials ordered to smoke more ---------- WUHAN, China - A Chinese provincial government has an unusual solution to the economic crisis -- it is ordering local officials to smoke more cigarettes. Officials in central China's Hubei province issued an edict ordering local government officials -- including teachers -- to consume a total of 230,000 packs of locally produced cigarettes, worth about $600,000, The Daily Telegraph reported. The edict said officials who "fail to meet their targets" or are caught smoking cigarettes produced from neighboring provinces would be subject to fines, the British newspaper said. Officials said the edict is aimed at increasing the province's tax revenues and protecting local cigarette manufacturers from outside competition. "The regulation will boost the local economy via the cigarette tax," said Chen Nianzu, a cigarette market supervision official in Gong'an county. A Gong'an county newspaper reported members of a "special task force" raided a local middle school during the afternoon and found three "non-compliant" cigarette butts. The school was not fined, but a teacher said it was subjected to "public criticism" for "undisciplined practices." ============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: _____ , ___)) / | 6 6 (___( _e ____/ /_ / \ o\_/ \ / /\' _ _)\ /_< )____/\_\ ___oo' ,ooooo,|_/ -//,-( / |=/ | \ \ \ \ )_______\ / ) / ) / / ( | | / \ | _________ |/_______\|________. = = /( )\ b'ger /,/ 7 \\_ One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us. "Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I thought. Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You were my third grade teacher." -<>- Woman: "No, I'm telling you, I'm right! He couldn't eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit, and Trix were only supposed to be for kids." Man: "Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person." [A period of silence -- the woman looks down at her food.] Man: "What's wrong?" Woman: "I'm just really getting tired of you always being wrong." -<>- _, _ .' `. ___.>"''-..-. `-. ; .--""" .-._@; ; !_.--..._ .' / .[_@'`'. ; / : .' ; :_.._ `. : ; ;[ _T-" `.'-. `-. \ .-: ; `.`-=_,88p. _.}.-" `-.__.-' \ /L._ Y",P$T888; "" .-'_.-' / ;$$$$$$]8P; \ / / / "Y$$P" ^" fsc ;\_ `.\_._ ]__\ \___; While watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder. "Excuse me," I said, "I can't hear." "I should hope not," she replied sharply. "This is a private conversation." -<>- In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking. "Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?" I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, "How do you spell 'intellectual?'" -<>- As a department head stationed on a Navy vessel, I was con- cerned about one of my senior enlisted men. He was a superb technician, but he had a problem taking orders. One day I took him aside and suggested he try something that had worked for me. "Whenever an officer gives you a directive that you think is stupid," I told him, "just say, 'Yes, sir.' But in your mind, think, 'You're an idiot!' Will this work for you?" He smiled at me and replied, "Yes, sir!" -<>- One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!" ================================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: . . \ \ / \ \| \ | / / , \ \ | | | |/ \ | | |/ / | . \ | \ \ | \ / | | / / / | | /_/ / \_ \ \ \ | |\ | | | / | | | / _/,-'/_,-' / _ _ \ \| \_\_ \| \ \\ | |/ / / / _/ _/,---' / \___\ \_ \__ \ \ | \ \ | / // | / // _/_/__/ __/_ __ _ \_ \ \ | \ \ |/ |/ | | / / / /___/ _/ _/ _ \___ \ / _____/ \_ \__ \ -------.___ -----._______ / _/ __/ \__ \ _____ ----- __ / __/ \ _______ ------' / __ | ___________ ___________ | __ / `| ,-' ___________ '. ,' ___________ `-. |' \ | /` (_,-' _______ `./ \,' _______ `-._) '\ | | | ,-' `._,`-. ,-' `._,`-. | | | |. ,' `. `. ,' `. `. :| | | \ `. `-._____,-,' `. `-._____,-,' / | \ ' `-._______,-' : : `-._______,-' ' / \_. | | ._/ | | | | \ / \ / \ / \ / \ | | / | \,--._,--./ | | _,.--'''`-'''`--.._ | --. ,---. ,---. | ,' __,------------.__ `. ,---. ,---. -- \( \( -- \_|____/_,'\/| | | || |\/`._\__ / -- )/ ) .--.\\ -- \\ .--.\ `-.|__|__|,-' /,--, // -- / \__\)\ .--.\\ \__\) (/__/ //,--, / `---' \ \__\)`---' `---'(/__/ / jrei `---' `---' >You and I..... When you get angry it's because you're ill-tempered ... It just happens that my nerves are bothering me. ============================ When you compliment people it's because you use flattery to get your way ... I only encourage people. ============================ When you take a long time to do a job it's because you're unbearably slow and poky ... I take a long time because I believe in quality workmanship. ============================ When you don't like someone it's because you're prejudiced ... I just happen to be a good judge of human nature. ============================ When you spend your paycheck in 24 hours, it's because you're a spendthrift ... When I do, it's because I'm generous. ============================ When you stay in bed until 11 A.M., it's because you're a lazy good-for-nothing ... When I stay in bed a little longer, it's because I'm totally exhausted. ============================ Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? ============================= If you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities -- remember, things could be a lot worse...... You could be them! -<>- Y | . +._ O / | `#' | / \ ()) a:f d b p .-/-o / /' .--./ / --------< O'-._ ` >Short Takes! **My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead. ========================= My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 10-month-old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapeno is not his favorite. ========================== Have you heard about the new computer screen that fixes itself? It's a Christian Science monitor. ========================== My company posted a notice next to the time clock. It said the company calendar had a typo, that the union-won holiday wasn't really a holiday at all. The company blamed the printer for this mistake. (Nice try.) But that's not the funny part. ..... The first line of the notice said, "Please Take Notice." ... So the guy standing next to me took it. =========================== An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales." The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, "And I, Madam, suggest that you weigh your son." ============================ Did you hear about the two little boys who found themselves in a modern art gallery by mistake? "Quick," said one, "Run! Before they say we did it!" ============================= Waiting for a flight to Rochester, my brother Everett was sitting next to a woman with two boys. The younger one asked, "Mommy, when we get home, will you take us to the zoo?" "Perhaps" she answered. "What does Perhaps, mean?" he asked. The older brother answered, "Not likely to happen." ============================= The man coughed so violently that his false teeth shot across the room and smashed against the wall. "Oh dear," he wailed, "Whatever shall I do? I can't afford a new set." "Don't worry," said a little boy, "I'll get a pair from my Dad for you." The next day the boy came back with the teeth, which fit perfectly. "This is wonderful," said the man. "Your father must be a very good dentist." "Oh, he's not a dentist," replied the boy, "he's an undertaker." ============================= A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' mess saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too." ============================== ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm >The Big City Dance and The Not Too Smart Texan A couple of good ol' boys were talking one day ...( They Were Blonde for sure.) "I ain't much on big town life," said Todd, from the hill country of Texas. "But when my buddy asked me to join him in a dance over to SanAntonio, I said, 'Sure!' And I went along." "How'd you like it?" asked his buddy. "Well, at first I didn't see any ladies to dance with, so I reckoned I was in the wrong place." said Todd. "So you left?" his friend asked. Todd explained, "No, I started lookin' around and come to a door marked 'Ladies'. I opened it and, sure 'nuff, there they was..." +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ mom, you up there? / ,==. |~~~ / 66\ | \c -_) |~~~ `) ( | / \ |~~~ / \ \ | (( /\ \_ |~~~ \\ \ `--`| / / / |~~~ jgs___ (_(___)_| >My Mother Said... HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!" MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?" ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?" BARNEY'S MOTHER: "I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple." GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER: "I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?" LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER: "Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!" ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?" GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!" SUPERMAN'S MOTHER: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?" THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!" ++++++++++++++++++++++++ .---------------. / oLo \ O/_____/________/____\O /__________+__________\ / (#############) \ |[**](#############)[**]| \_______________________/ |_""__|_,-----,_|__""_| | | '-----' | | APC'97 '-' '-' HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM 1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago. 2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York. 3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey. 4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston. 5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles. 6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. 7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy. 8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Seattle. 9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Texas. 10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia. 11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above the steering wheel, driving in the left lane at 35 mph on the Interstate with the left blinker on: Florida. +++++++++++++++++++++++ ___________________________ _|__ _________________ __|__ _|___|| ||_|__ ___|_|| ) ' ||___|_ _|__|| ( ()\( ||_|___ ___|_|| ( ,|,(X)' ||___#_ _|___|| /,)/|`\``\\\ |||__/\ ejm ''---------------'' / `--# . - ------------ . #/ | (( ((( (( ))) )))) )\ | ` - ---- __ -/\ `.__.-# C(__)`\ \____ /_`\/___/ Another Round Of Golf??? MacDermott and MacDuff were sitting in the clubhouse on a raw, blustery day, thawing their beards in front of the fireplace while freezing rain beat against the windows. The pair were silent for a long time over their Irish Coffees. Finally, MacDermott spoke, "That was quite a round of golf. "Aye," MacDuff replied. "Same time next Saturday?" "Aye," said MacDuff, "weather permitting." ================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Self Talk http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/selftalk.html The Sons Of God Of Genesis 6 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/sonsofgenesis6.html Freedom Isn't Free http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedom.html Proud Of Our Troops 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops5.html Chalk Art 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart4.html Matchstick Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/matchstick.html Awesome Hotel http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/qhotel.html Cat In A Box http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catinbox.html Cano Cristales River http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cristales.html Enter At Your Own Risk http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/risky.html Jobs That Suck! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobs.html My Catty Life http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catlife.html Roller Coasters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/coaster.html Tiger Fish http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tigerfish.html World's Largest Things http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/largest.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) A "skit" from one of Red Skelton's 1969 T.V. shows... WOW.....just think about it, he said this on his T.V. show in 1969 & had no clue his words would ever come to fruition. SAD, isn't it? What a wonderful and worthwhile clip to watch and share with all your friends and acquaintances! http://media.causes.com/604250?p_id=42563578 --- ...This is a Great Classic! Thank You PatDeE! All our youth should watch this! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) This will freak you out..........lol Try it!! Cenesthetic Hallucination Follow the instructions to the letter. 1.- Click on the link below 2.- Then Click "click me to get trippy", at the bottom left corner. 3.- Look at the center of the screen for 30 seconds (no cheating), and then 4.- Look at your hand holding the mouse, without moving it away from the mouse. You'll be amazed at what you see. It is called "cenesthetic hallucination". (Whatever) http://www.neave.com/strobe/ --- ...Wowsers! I'm already 'trippy' Haha! Thanks Linda! -<>- This is a pretty cool ad. If you are not a Ford fan, that's ok, but please watch this commercial. It's not what you think, but a great way to promote a product. It can put a tear in your eye. Ford has not accepted a penny from the government bailout and really should be marketing their action. But they have chosen to take a higher road ....a road with class. Enjoy this to the very end. Ford outdid themselves with this commercial. http://www.richhumor.com/wp-filez/PerhapstheBestFordCommercia.wmv --- ...I Loved This One! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: An Intellectual Blonde http://www.buffaloschips.com/klalka.htm Asking For Directions http://www.buffaloschips.com/qiwiopq.htm Baby & Dog http://www.buffaloschips.com/sshssm.htm Baxter Black So Lucky To Be An American http://www.buffaloschips.com/ksksks.htm Beer Pong http://www.buffaloschips.com/jaskal.htm Finalized MTG Minutes http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghjkikl.htm First Day At The Rifle Range http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghjkillo.htm First IT Consultant http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdfde.htm Fishing Boat http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdrese.htm Fitness http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdss.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: Mikey's Thought for the Day: DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID. Think about it... "I am not sure if the President fully grasps the economic issue. Like he was asked today if he has any plans to make the dollar stronger? And he said we were thinking of making it two-ply." --Jay Leno My wife clipped a job listing out of the paper for me. She said it wasn't much to start out... but a huge pay raise. It read, "Salary: 23k to start. 401k after 1 yr." Long, unproductive meetings are often the bane of corporate life. My very funny boss at the software company where I work has come up with what just might be the perfect way to cut business conferences short before they start rambling out of control. There comes a time when he announces, "All those opposed to my plan say, 'I resign.'" End of meeting. "In Texas, pranksters threw a snake into the drive through window at a Taco Bell. Fortunately, the snake was immediately killed by all the rats in the kitchen." -Conan O'Brien "An 18 year-old woman was arrested after spending the past eight months pretending to be a student at Stanford university and living in their dorms, even though she was not enrolled there. She pretended to be a student for eight months. Hey, that's nothing. I pretended to be a student for four years!" -Jay Leno "It's always the same with new inventions. I can remember when calculators came out. We weren't allowed to use them in school. The teachers would say, 'Calculators prevent you from learning arithmetic.' I'd say, 'I'm going into show business.' 'Well, you'll need arithmetic to count your crushed dreams.'" -Craig Ferguson >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************