Not Raising Hogs And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! ================ >-->Hot Off The "Shangy' Press :) This super hot tottie is from our friend KarenF and goes along with my recent animated gif obsession. It is a darling one sure to give you some smiles! Check it out here... A--A .-./ #\.-. '--;d b;--' \# \/ / \'--'/ |==| | #| |# | / #\ ; # ; | # | /| ,, #|\ /#| || | \ .-.' |# || |# '.-. (.=.),'| ||# |',(.=.) '-' / #)( \ '-' jgs `""` `""` Funny Animal Facts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/zoo2.html --- ...TeeHee! Adorable! Thanks KarenF! I'm on a mission now! I need to modernize the Animated Gallery by consolidating categories that have 50 or more animations in them into a single page. I worked hard and completed another animation page! Now we have a MOTHER'S DAY Page and a MICHAEL JACKSON page You can access them off their index page here: Animated Gallery K-O http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_k-o.html We also have a DANCE page to go along with our BETTY BOOP page and DOLL page available off their main Animation Directory here: Animated Gallery A-E http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html * Note: There are links after this index of great FREE Graphic Sites! ============================================================ >-->From TheFunnyBone: /\ A man answers the phone and has the following || conversation: || || || "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Nancy || has been most difficult - I know I ought _______|| to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, /` `\ you know how she is." | .-"""-. | | / .:::. \ | "Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember | \ ':::' / | you told me that she was a vile creature | '-----' | who would make my life miserable and you | .-"""""-. | begged me not to marry her." | |_______| | | [_][_][_] | "You were perfectly right. You want to | [_] [] [] | speak with her? All right." | [1][2][3] | | [4][5][6] | He looks up from the telephone and calls | [7][8][9] | to his wife in the next room, "Nancy, your | [*][0][#] | mother wants to talk to you!" | ... | jgs\ ':::' / `"""""""""` ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 6 is Beverage Day May 7 is International Tuba Day, Paste Up Day, and National Roast Leg of Lamb Day May 8 is No Socks Day and Have A Coke Day More Info on Coke May 9 is Lost Sock Memorial Day May 10 is Clean Up Your Room Day May 11 is Eat What You Want Day and Twilight Zone Day May 12 is Limerick Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: Hobbit _,,,,_ .(((()()()( ())()()))()) ((,.""-,(()()) \ @ ) @ )/)() .'-. - (C)) ( (_. ` .)) \ .___. .' __`.____.' \_____ /( " /))_\.-' ( `\ / ( _ o/(o " _ \ `. ( /. . o)/o ( \ / ( . o/(o . " .)\ ) ( )( _ o)\o _ . )( ) ( (.' o)/o `. )/ / \ ( . "o((o . . ` _/ ) (/)____o)/o______(c`-.) |)_|__[H]___|___(//)' ( ) : \ ) `'' (_) ( ) \ (_ ) ( . ( ) ( ( ) (\ / ) ) ( ( ( ) ( ( ) ./ \ ( .( ) ( ) ( ) |"^"") ("^"") | / \ | pils ),,,,) |,,,,/ /,,,,( ),,,,( .-',,,,,) /,,,,\ ((((_).-' (_)()))) >Back to School After raising 4 children, and losing my husband, I decided to return to college and get the degree I had started, but never finished. And so, on my first day of college, eager with anticipation, and more than a little nervous, I took a front row seat in my first class in over 40 years, a literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books over the course of the semester, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. He ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book, and began "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student behind me whispered, "Slow down! He's just taking attendance!" -<>- >Better Living Through Chemistry Table of Elements: C = carbon Ho = holmium Co = cobalt La = lanthanum Te = tellurium CHoCoLaTe - Better living through chemistry! -<>- >Delivery Suspicion There was an unexpected knock on my door, and like I always do I first opened the peephole and asked, "Who's there?" "Parcel Post, ma'am. I have a package that needs a signature." "Where's the package?" I asked suspiciously. The deliveryman held it up. "Could I see some ID?" I said, still not convinced. "Lady," he replied wearily, "if I wanted to break into your house, I'd probably just use these." And he pulled out the keys I had left in the door. -<>- >Grading the Fall John was a construction foreman. One day he tumbled from a scaffold, managing to break his fall by grabbing on to parts of the scaffold on the way down. He received only minor scratches. Embarrassed by the fall, he climbed back up to continue working. Then he noticed his co-workers holding up hastily-made signs reading, 9.6, 9.8, and 9.4. -<>- >Kitchen I heard recently about a stay-at-home Mom. One evening she went to a PTA meeting and her husband and her oldest daughter got together and decided they would clean up the kitchen for her. They put away all the food, wiped all the counters, washed all the pots and put them away, put the dishes in the dishwasher and ran it. They swept and mopped the floors and then sat down, awaiting her arrival. Two hours later she returned from the meeting, took off her coat, hung it up, walked through the kitchen into the den, grabbed the remote control, and began watching television. They followed her over to her chair and stood by her side. Finally she felt them looking over her shoulder and looked up at them and said, "What?"¯ Her husband said, "The kitchen."¯ "The kitchen. What?"¯ "The kitchen. We cleaned up the kitchen. Didn't you notice? It's sparkling clean. We cleaned it for you."¯ The woman replied, "Yes, I noticed. Thankless job, isn't it?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend KarenF :) A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones' chests, would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own heart. Their eyes would always light up with awe, but she never got a response equal to four-year old David's comment. Gently she tucked the stethoscope into his ears and placed the disk over his heart. 'Listen', she said...'What do you suppose that is?' He drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap - tap - tapping deep in his chest. Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin and he asked, 'Is that Jesus knocking?' --- ...Awww, so sweet! LOL! Thanks KarenF! ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) .__ _..._ /,-./'.--. ``\. /|/.--./`.o/ /`;\\ |||\ _ `-'_` o|/|| ||\\`.`.__`Y8P_,\|| \\|| `"\"""/---'|| \\| ,-' `.||// \(-'_ `. ,-' [_] .-. \ ; `\| ||-'/ ` \ \ /`""-.`\ | ; | `.-|\_/ | ; ' | \-._ / | | / |`--'| : ;_\_ /| |/ /\|, ) __..; `----' :`.`|/ / / | | ; .' `\' ; \/ : _ : : / / : : _.'`.__.' | fsc \ _.' \ / | | / `---.._ | `\ `.____ \ / | `------' \__|_,' A policeman pulls a driver over for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow into a breathalyzer. "I can't do that, officer, I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube." "OK, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station." "Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup." "Alright, we could get a blood sample." "Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die." "Fine then, just walk this white line." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk." --- ...TeeHee! Well that explains it! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. as soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs. While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. 'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said. He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!' --- ...LOL! Oh My! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you." After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed so that when he died he could grab them on his way to heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement." ------------ Josh sent a letter to his folks. He told about a ten-mile hike he had taken. His father wrote back saying, "In my day, I thought nothing of walking ten miles." Josh wrote back, "To tell the truth, I didn't think much of it either." ------------ A woman said to her friend: "Whenever I'm down in the dumps I buy myself a dress." "Really?" said the friend. "I've always wondered where you got them." ------------ Two cannibals were sitting around the campfire talking. One of the cannibals said, "You know, I just don't like my brother-in-law." To which the other replied, "Then just eat the noodles." ------------ 2 blondes are driving a car on a hilly road. At the top of a very high steep hill, they start going down it very fast. The driver screams, "Oh no! The brakes don't work!" The girl in the passenger seat says, "Don't worry. There's a stop sign ahead. ------------ A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it." -<>- In the fun world of the administration of justice, not all the laughs are in the courtroom. Indeed, giggles and guffaws can erupt at almost any time or place For example: On a bitterly cold winter's day several years ago in Northern British Columbia, an RCMP constable on patrol came across a motorcyclist, who was swathed in protective clothing and helmet, stalled by the roadside. "What's the matter?" asked the Policeman. "Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply. "Pee on it. That'll thaw it out." "Can't." "OK, Watch me and I will show you. Then you'll know how to do it the next time it freezes on you." The constable 'lubricated' the carburetor, as promised. The bike started right up and the rider drove off, waving, A few days later the detachment officers' Commander, received a note of thanks from the father of the motorbike rider. It began: "On behalf of my daughter, who recently was aided by one of your Officers while stranded .....my sincere thanks go out..." (etc.) Moral: NEVER assume just because the rider has pants on, it is also a male rider! --- ...LOL! Good ones! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend JoeL :) Inhofe: DHS ammo grab to ‘dry up’ supply http://www.wnd.com/2013/05/inhofe-dhs-ammo-grab-to-dry-up-ammo --- ...Now that sounds like a government plot to me! Thanks JoeL! -<>- >From BizarreNews: Who says chivalry is dead? Authorities say a South Florida man nearly drowned after jumping into a storm drain seeking a woman's dropped keys - fortified first by chugging a bottle of rum to keep warm. Miami Beach police say 49-year-old Richard Brandenberg told the woman that he had experience working in sewer systems and was willing to go in and look for her keys. Witnesses say Brandenberg then drank a half-pint of rum and smoked a cigarette, telling them it was to keep warm in the cold water. Police say Brandenberg went down twice, emerging each time to have another smoke. He didn't come back up on the third try, and witnesses called 911. Authorities found Brandenberg by popping a nearby manhole cover, then performed CPR to revive him. Brandenberg is recovering at a local hospital. *-- Pen pals remain friends for 66 years --* PETOSKEY, Mich. - A German man and an American woman connected through an international youth program in 1947 said they are still pen pals today. Helen Fortney of East Jordan, Mich., sent her first letter to Kurt Maybaum of Germany at the age of 17, The Petoskey News-Review reported, as part of a program meant to improve world peace through correspondence. Fortney was living in southern Michigan at the time, and the two quickly became friends. "It was a delightful experience because I had never been to Germany," said Fortney. "He would send a lot of pictures and he was very proud of his heritage." Maybaum, who was 20 when he received the first letter, was a soldier during World War II and had spent time as a prisoner of war. Their letters were sometimes a few months apart, or sometimes just a few weeks, the News-Review said. In 1970, after 23 years of writing, Fortney traveled to Amsterdam, Netherlands, and the two met for the first time. Fortney's husband, Matt, served in WWII in the U.S. Army, and he and Maybaum talked about their stories. "They started talking about their experience in the war. It was very moving," Fortney said. *- Florida police bust couple having sex on public beach -* MANALAPAN, Fla. - Police in Florida said a man caught having sex on a public beach said he had been skinny- dipping with a woman and "one thing led to another." The Manalapan Police Department said they responded to a report of a couple having sex on a public beach and they arrived to find Ward Powell, 53, of Boynton Beach, and Tanya Wheeler, 34, of Greenville, S.C., still nude, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported Thursday. Powell told officers he and Wheeler had been skinny dipping in the ocean and "one thing led to another." The man told police he was unable to help himself. Powell and Wheeler were arrested and charged with with lewd behavior and indecent exposure, New Times Broward-Palm Beach reported. *-- Treed truck a mystery to investigators --* SHERWOOD, Ore. - Emergency responders in Oregon said they are baffled as to how a pickup truck ended up wedged about 10 feet up in a tree near the highway. Tualatin Valley Fire & Rescue personnel said the truck was reported Sunday morning in a tree off Highway 99W near Sherwood, KPTV, Portland, Ore., reported Monday. Investigators said there were no occupants at the scene and no one suspected to have been involved in the crash turned up at Providence Newberg hospital. Sensors did not pick up any heat signatures, indicating the truck had been unoccupied in the tree for some time. The incident is being investigated. *-- 40,000-piece jigsaw puzzle falls, breaks into pieces --* WEYMOUTH, England - A British jigsaw puzzle maker is seeking volunteers to help him reassemble a record 40,000-piece puzzle he made to commemorate the queen's Diamond Jubilee. Dave Evens, 60, said he had just completed the 19 1/2-by-8-foot puzzle the day before it fell to the ground and broke into pieces when he was distracted at his Weymouth, England, workshop by a person who had asked him for directions, The Mirror reported Monday. The "absolute disaster," as it was described by Evens' wife, Margaret, was caught on a webcam. Evens said he is seeking volunteers to help him reassemble the plywood puzzle, a montage of photos from Queen Elizabeth's Diamond Jubilee, before it is sent to the queen's Sandringham House in Norfolk for display in a week. "Because it was quite solid and interlocking, parts of the puzzle are still in large sections but there must be well over 6,000 separate pieces to put back together," Evens said. Evens said he sent documentation of the puzzle to Guinness World Records prior to the fall in the hopes of it being certified as the world's largest jigsaw puzzle. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend JoeL :) .::""-, .::""-. /:: \ /:: \ |:: | _..--""""--.._ |:: | '\:.__ / .' '. \:.__ / ||____|.' _..---"````'---. '.||____| ||:. |_.' `'.||:. | ||:.-'` .-----. ';:. | ||/ .' '. \. | || / '-. '. \\ |. | ||:. _| ' \_\_\\/( \ | ||:.\_.-' ) || m `\.--._.-""-; ||:.(_ . '\ __'// m ^_/ / '. _.`. ||:. \__^/` _)```'-...' _ .-'.' '-. ||:..-'__ .' '. . ' '. `'. ||:(_.' .`' _. ' '-. '. . ''-._ ||:. : '. .' '. . ' ' '.` '._ ||:. : '. .' .::""-: .''. ' . . ' ':::''-. ||:. .' ..' . /:: \ '. . '. /:: \ ||:.' .' '. |:: | _.:---""---.._' |:: | ||. : '\:.__ / .' -. .- '. \:.__ / ||: : '. . ||____|_.' .--. .--. '._||____| ||:'.___: '. .' ||:. | ( \/ ) ||:. | ||:___| \ '. : ||:. | '-. .-' ||:. | [[____] '. '.-._||:. | __ '..' __ ||:. | '. : ||:. | (__\ (\/) /__) ||:. | '. : ||:. | ` \/ ` ||:. | '-: ||:. | () ||:. | '._||:. |________________________||:. | jgs ||:___|'-.-'-.-'-.-'-.-'-.-'-.-||:___| [[____] [[____] EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM: 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.' 'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.' 'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said. Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked. 'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!' 'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude, he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?' 'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!' Forget the Shrinks HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO A BARTENDER! May your troubles be less, Your blessings be more And nothing but happiness come through the door! --- ...TeeHee! Sound advice! Thanks JoeL! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) | \ | / \ | / \ | / \.-./ ----- ( )------ /`-'\ / | \ / | \ / | \ | __ | | /| | | |\ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |\ /| | | __ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | David Riley >TEST YOUR REASONING SKILLS 1. Johnny 's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. ...What might she name the third child? 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers....What does he weigh? 3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, ...what was the highest mountain in the world? 4. How much dirt is there in a hole ...that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? 5. What word in the English Language ...is always spelled incorrectly? 6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. ....How is this possible? 7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg.... Why not? 8. What was the President's Name... in 1975? 9. If you were running a race, ...and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? 10. Which is correct to say,... "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"? 11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, ....how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? Here are the Answers 1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April The second child was named May. What was the third child 's name? Answer:Johnny of course. 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh? Answer: Meat. 3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world? Answer: Mt. Everest. 4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? Answer: There is no dirt in a hole. 5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly? Answer: Incorrectly. 6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere. 7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not? Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures. 8. What was the President's Name in 1975? Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama. 9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first. 10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"? Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow. 11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one. IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD 1) You can't count your hair. 2) You can't wash your eyes with soap. 3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out. Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person. Hope you had fun with this. --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: NOT RAISING HOGS _ |\_,,____ ( o__o \/ /(..) \ (_ )--( _) / ""--"" \ ,===,=| |-,,,,-| |==,== |d | WW | WW | |s | | | | | TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C. Dear Sir, My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised. My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1,000 for not raising hogs. If I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane. Now another thing: these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise? Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that, too. In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment, food stamps and medical benefits. Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election! Patriotically Yours, P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese and juice, milk and cereal vultures? -<>- A distraught dog owner called a vet pleading for an immediate appointment. He explained that his dog had a large growth or swelling near the corner of its mouth, so I told him to bring the animal over. When the man came in with his pet, the vet examined the dog as the man stood by, anxiously waiting. At last the doctor turned to him and asked, "Do you have any children?" "Oh, good grief, is it contagious?" the man gasped. "No," the doctor answered. "It's bubble gum." -<>- When I was visiting a friend who lived on the edge of a wilderness preserve, we drove along a rutted trail, and we saw a small creek ahead whose bridge was under water. "We have a serious beaver problem," our friend said. "They build dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers take down the dams, and the beavers rebuild them." As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted by the bridge. It read: BEAVERS 3 RANGERS 0 -<>- _________ /' /| / / |_ / / //| /_________/ ////| | _ _ | 8o////| | /'// )_ | 8///| |/ // // ) | 8o///| / // // //,| / 8//| / // // /// | / 8//| / // // ///__|/ 8//| /.(_)// /// | 8///| (_)' `(_)//| | 8////|___________ (_) /_\ (_)'| | 8/////////////// (_) \"/ (_)'|_| 8///////////// (_)._.(_) d' Hb 8oooooooopb' `(_)' d' H`b d' `b`b d' H `b d' `b `b d' `b d' `b A couple came to the police department, wanting to dispose of some ammunition. They handed the desk officer a wooden box and said that it contained two shells an uncle had given them as souvenirs from World War II. "We didn't know what to do with them," the woman explained. "So all these years, we've kept the shells in the bottom drawer of the china cabinet, away from our children." The officer assured the couple he'd dispose of the ammunition safely. But when he took one out of the box the top came off, revealing a strange black substance. His suspicions aroused, the officer removed the top of the other shell and found a hard white substance. There was no doubt about it. They were souvenir salt and pepper shakers. -<>- When my sister's husband died, she went to the bank to put his affairs in order. The young clerk looked up their joint account and then asked, "Which of you is deceased?" -<>- A salesman was going door to door trying to sell his wares. As he walked up to the next house, he noticed a small boy sitting on the front steps. "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked. "Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home." The kid replied, "She is." The man said, "Then why doesn't she answer the door when I knock? Is she hard of hearing?" "She can't hear it," replied the boy, "because I don't live here." -<>- My kid brother, a strict vegetarian, travels abroad for long periods on business. When he got back from Europe one time, he called our parents' home and told Dad he was about to pay them an unexpected visit. When Dad hung up the phone, he called to mother. "The prodigal son is returning! Kill the fatted zucchini!" -<>- __ | +| ,,,|__| $$$ , , $$C > $$$; _< _______/ /_ ___ | |__` \~/o\ _,]-]___]-----> | / \( ) )\/.-// _( \ ) / \ | //| / ,/ \/ '/ o \ / o \ /______/\_\ \ || / \ || / \ || / / )( \ |/ \| :] [: o| |o /o| |o\ b'ger `-' `-' A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said. "Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked. "No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette." ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: _ _ _ _ . /\\/%\ . /%\/%\ . __.<\\%#//\,_ <%%#/%%\,__ . . <%#/|\\%%%#///\ /^%#%%\///%#\\ ""/%/""\ \""//| |/""'/ /\//"//' . L/'` \ \ ` " / / ``` ` \ \ . / / . . . \ \ / / . . \ \ / / . . . ..:\ \:::/ /:. . . ______________/ \__;\___/\;_/\________________________________ YwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYwYw unknown >The Seven Deadly Sins of Gilligan's Island Years ago, CBS had a popular little series called "Gilligan's Island". There is, however, a dark secret about this "comedy" you may never have realized. The island is a direct represen- tation of Hell. Nobody on the island wants to be there, yet none are able to leave. Each one of the characters represents one of the 7 deadly sins: Ginger represents LUST - she wears skimpy outfits, is obsessed with her looks, and is a borderline nymphomaniac. Mary Ann represents ENVY - she is jealous of Ginger's beauty. The Professor represents PRIDE - he is an annoying know-it-all. Mr. Howell represents GREED - no explanation needed. Mrs. Howell represents SLOTH - she has never lifted a finger to help on any of their escape plans. The Skipper represents two sins: GLUTTONY - again, no explanation needed and ANGER - he violently hits Gilligan on each show. This leaves Gilligan. Gilligan is the person who put them there. He prevents them from leaving by foiling all of their escape plots. Also, it is HIS island. Therefore, Gilligan is... (As seen on humor.about.com) -<>- .-._.--._ / / -. | \ |__ ,-'______.-' '( c-(_)(_)__ \ .._ . ) \ / `-' /\-|\_ /-. \ / ( , o)\ | | o)\ c - _/\\ / \ \=====| | //======| | / =====_/ |/\===/=/ )==)=) (==|=| | |=|______ (_.-. ) ) '--''-' [nabis] >Quirks About Life That You Notice By The Time You Are Fifty ... - Most people deserve each other. - All the good ones, no matter what it iis, are taken. - The one who snores will fall asleep fiirst. - The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding. - If you help a relative in need, he/shee will remember you the next time they are in need. - The probability of meeting someone youu know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with. - Toothaches always start on Friday nighht right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed. -<>- >Funny Classifieds FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG. 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15 TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800 COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE. 83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000 GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE. FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME. NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED CALL CHUBBIE BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS" SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER BE REWARD. HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!" HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100 TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR. EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175. OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300. LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY. GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL. FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb. -<>- _\|/_ /--\ |[]| _] \/ [_ /_ `==' _\ \\| |// l\ __/j `|-'##| |#||#| |#||#| _|#||#|_ `==" "==` as >Deja Vu You've probably heard of "deja vu," the illusion of having previously experienced a situation that is happening now. Here are some related expressions Feel like I've... ...milked this cow before: deja moo ...seen this strange animal before: deja gnu ...smelled this bad odor before: deja phew ...visited this menagerie before: deja zoo ...scared this person away before: deja boo ...read this mystery book before: deja clue ...been in this courtroom before: deja sue ...felt this bad before: deja rue ...felt this sad before: deja blue ...expanded this way before: deja grew ...seen this slime before: deja goo ...learned this stuff before: deja knew ...waited in line before: deja queue ...eaten this dinner before: deja stew ...pursued this person before: deja woo ...forgotten this your name before: deja who ...had this feeling of deja vu before: deja too ...seen these twins before: deja two ...used this beer recipe before: deja brew ...been on this airplane before: deja flew ...came up with this innovation before: deja new ...fed these pigeons before: deja coo ...sketched this portrait before: deja drew ...ended this relationship before: deja through ...felt this ill before: deja flu ...sheared this sheep before: deja ewe ...munched on this gum ball before: deja chew ...sat through this sermon before: deja pew ...played in this wet grass before: deja dew ...admired this scenery before: deja ooo ...lost it under the bed before: deja shoo ...exposed the real facts before: deja true ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Newborn Moose http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moose.html Mule Vs Lion http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mulelion.html Modern Toilet http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moderntoilet.html Kodak Moments http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kmoments.html In The Pink! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/inthepink.html Elephant Hotel http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elhotel.html Creation Museum http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/creationmuseum.htm Friends: Lion, Tiger, And Bear http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liontigerbear.html Rolling On The River! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/river.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Screwdriver-powered cycle designed by DIY fan http://newslite.tv/2011/03/11/screwdriverpowered-cycle-desig.html --- ...Wowsers! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) She sent us one we have here... Mother Squirrel's Love http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/motherslove.html --- ...Awww, a sweet one! Thanks LouiseA! DRUNK PILOT... Some of the most priceless expressions I’ve ever seen!!! What Fear really looks like!!!!! http://www.youtube.com/embed/bAYrcu5_Pko?rel=0 Trick - YOU'LL PROBABLY SCRATCH YOUR HEAD IN WONDER HOW IT WAS DONE WHEN IT'S OVER. http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=nZM4Iu0sosM&vq=medium Lions, tigers and ... hyenas? Oh my, the cuteness! This group of delightful rescued animals loves to play, wrestle and bicker over their food. You won't believe how much fun they're having. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jYPfOL6AuI&feature=player_embedded Cat And Owl Paying! http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Iqmba7npY8g --- ...amazing! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend KarenF :) Animated gifs - Some free! tons available for purchase: http://www.artie.com/gif-anim.htm Boogie Woogie Twins! http://www.youtube.com/embed/C8nFCE1iSk8 --- ...Oh Yeah! What Fun! Thanks KarenF! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: I was actually fired as a Denny's dishwasher. They didn't even know how to fire me -- they had never done it in the history of Denny's. They just sent me out to take out the garbage and locked the door behind me. I'm like, "Let me in." And they're like, "Go to Wendy's!" --Mitch Fatal "I refuse to answer the question on the grounds that I don't know the answer." -Douglas Adams "The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction." --Wayne H. Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't put on his pants. "Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral." --Robert Orben "Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses." --Margaret Millar "And that's the world in a nutshell, an appropriate receptacle." --Stan Dunn "You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do." --Olin Miller >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************