Now Press Control-A ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ .-----. / ` | `. / (`..-------. __ / \ .'.-\. | \_ \ '-' `.-).' (.\`` -( `-.- _ - / `-._ `. __` -` ``--- `. / / / \- `. .` / |`.; / \ - / / ' -( / / / / \ .- / ' / / ' `' ( _-_ _ ( _/\. -' .''BP `--' \ `. `--. | \ | -. \ \ ( ` '. \/``, ` '----------) | `. .' ('--|`\ \ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2010 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2010 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ========================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: Sure I've Gotten Old... I've had 2 Bypass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But.....Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license! ___________________________ / _______ \ || .sss. | F L O R I D A | ||SS"""S | | ||S a\aS | Xxxxx Xxxxxxx | ||S = / | 2892 XxxxxxXx | ||_/ -'__| XXXX, XXX 32708 | |htxx wtxx RR302042 | jgs \____________________________/ ==================================================================== +------------ More Bizarre October Holidays -------------+ October 6 is German-American Day and Come and Take It Day October 7 is National Frappe Day October 8 is American Tag Day October 9 is Moldy Cheese Day October 10 is National Angel Food Cake Day October 11 is It's My Party Day October 12 is International Moment Of Frustration Scream Day October 13 is National Peanut Festival October 14 is Be Bald and Free Day and National Dessert Day October 15 is White Cane Safety Day =============================================================== >-->From our Friend PatDeE :) , , `. | `. ` `. \___ \ ,---._ ,' -`./ ,-" "-/ / o `._ `. | o ,-. _ ` `. , , `-' ,' ` `-----"| '`----" | \ / | \ " `. /_ `._ _/| \ ( ". ' \ \ `.`. . |` \" |\ | `. `.,' . | `. \ | | ,` | | | `-`-" , ` , `. _,' `.--" | | || | .-. | |, `,' ) ___,' \ , / /------" \____," KaK >Just A Weeeeeee bit.... An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman. Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them. The Redneck simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want." The man dated the first daughter. The next day the Redneck asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed." The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went. "Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed." The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry." So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the Ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents. "Well," explained the Redneck... "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell.... pregnant when you met her." --- ...Oh My! Thanks PatDeE! ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) ==O ==O_/ ==O_/ /|\/ /\ \/\ _ / / |\ / |\ | \ \ / / /o _/__|_ _/__|_ _/____ ==O__\/ /o ejm o o o o o o \/ As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers. I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an "ID ten T" error.' I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, "ID ten T" error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.' Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before? 'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.' So I wrote down: ID10T I used to like Eric, the little brat. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. --- ...HaHa! Thanks Johanna! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend DonnaL :) __________ |DAILY NEWS| |&&& ======| |=== ======| |=== == %%$| |[_] ======| |=== ===!##| ejm97 |__________| These newspaper editors stand corrected. From The Silver City (New Mexico) Daily Press: "Due to technical difficulties, Tuesday's page 7 was inadvertently left out and replaced with Monday's page 7. Today, page 5 will feature Tuesday's front page, while page 6 will be the correct page 7 for Tuesday." -<>- . // _.-"""""'//-'""""-._ .', , , , : : ` ` ` `. / , , \'-._ : :_.-'/ ` ` \ / , , :\(_)\ /(_)/ : ` ` \ | , , , \__//\\__/ . . ` ` | | . .:_ : : '--`: : . _: ; :| | : : \\_ _' : _: :__// , , | \ ` ` \ \/ \/\/ \_/ / , , / \ ` ` \_/\_/\_/\_/\/ , , / `._ ` . : : : , , _.' `-..............-' bni In early colonial times, pumpkins were used as an ingredient for the crust of pies, not the filling. Colonists sliced off pumpkin tips; removed seeds and filled the insides with milk, spices and honey. This was baked in hot ashes and is the origin of pumpkin pie. -<>- _|_ | _|_ //_/\ __| ||____ ////////////\ /////////////\\ |^^^^^^^^^^||+| | # # # |||| .... ....". ||||||||||||||||| unknown >Church Signs: Judgement day: Oops! no more choices --- When in doubt L J L Let Jesus Lead --- The Bible is the breakfast of champions. What did you have for breakfast? --- New life in Christ is the ultimate makeover Come to church and get a faith lift --- Feeling down? Look up! (to Jesus) --- Eternity is a long time to be wrong --- (For Easter) No bunny loves you like Jesus --- Jesus is alive: Living proof you can’t keep a God man down --- Without Jesus There would be hell to pay! --- Eternal Life Insurance Free! Sundays 10:00 AM -<>- Lord I Give you My Heart http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvUNkRbi5Rc&feature=fvw -<>- >Real Names That Sound Funny Anita Goodman, Anita Knapp, Anita Mann, Anne Teak, Art Major, Ben Down, Brighton Early, Brock Lee, Chris Cross, Dusty Carr, Crystal Ball, Dan Saul Knight, Don Key, Doris Schutt, Doug Graves, Dr. Croak, Gene Poole, Holly Day, Holly Wood, Jo King, Leigh King, Mona Lott, Lou Pole, Marsha Dimes, Marty Graw, Neal Down, Noah Lott, Ophelia Payne, Paige Turner, Summer Day, Tanya Hyde, Eddy Bull, Tom Morrow, Will Power, Willie Leak, Owen Cash -<>- _____ .---...-. ,' -. `. ,' _____...' / - _ - \ : .' _ _ \\ : ' _)' : | :-(_).(_):: (_ ;) | | -' || \ _ / ; | _ || `..___..' `-'..____.'`' ;._: _; :_ / \ SSt ,' `' `. SSt >Excerpts from 6th grade history tests 1. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. 2. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. 3. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were to 2 singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "a horse divided against itself can not stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 4. Abraham Lincoln was America's greatest precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation . On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in the moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a suposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. 5. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. 6. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this. LOL! Thanks DonnaL! ============================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From WorldNetDaily: Eye-popping power grab: Licensing of U.S. colleges http://tinyurl.com/2amdgku Now 'under God' dropped from Gettysburg Address! http://tinyurl.com/28eu28h You can't advertise with us – you're 'Christian' http://tinyurl.com/27btyuy -<>- >From Patriot News: Help Us Thank Our Wounded Heroes http://tinyurl.com/3yg74uk 2013 Countdown Clock + Free "Obama's Last Day" Bumper Sticker http://tinyurl.com/2a2enka The Most Important Test Of Your Life... http://tinyurl.com/2ubx2y3 VIDEO: Government Spy Vans Are Watching You http://tinyurl.com/297369d -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Cereal box number leads to phone sex line -------- CINCINNATI - Kroger stores in Cincinnati said cereal boxes named for Bengals star Chad Ochocinco are being pulled due to a misprinted phone number leading to a sex line. Store managers said the Ochocinco cereal was supposed to bear the number 1-888-HELP-FTC, which connects to Feed the Children, the charity the cereal is supporting, but customers who attempted to call the number listed on the box, 1-800-HELP- FTC, were instead connected with a phone sex line, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported. "We didn't even know the other number existed," said Tony Sellars, spokesman for Oklahoma City-based Feed The Children, which took respons- ibility for the error. Robert Bailey, president of Rosenhaus Sports, the firm representing Ochocinco, said the player expects the correct number to appear on future boxes of the honey nut cereal. -- Officers: Drunk man drove woman to police ------- CLAWSON, Mich. - Police in Michigan said they arrested a man who was allegedly drunk when he drove an intoxicated woman to the police station for questioning. Investigators said the 35-year-old Clawson woman told police she was too drunk to be interviewed following a Sunday domestic incident between her and her husband and she told an officer who called Monday morning that she was still too drunk to come in, The Macomb Daily of Mount Clemens, Mich., reported Thursday. However, Clawson Police Lt. Scott Sarvello said the woman showed up about 15 minutes later and said she received a ride from a neighbor. The driver, Donald Chamberlain, 40, of Clawson, was stopped a short distance from the police station by an officer who said the vehicle had a cracked windshield. Chamberlain failed field sobriety tests and his blood alcohol content was measured at 0.13, more than the 0.08 legal limit. Chamberlain was arrested and released on a personal bond following his arraignment on a drunken driving charge. He is due back in court Nov. 3. -<>- >From Archive CoffeeBreak: Man says car runs on water A Jacksonville, Fla., man said he has invented a car that runs on tap water and gets "100 miles to the ounce." Anthony Brown said he shut down the fuel injection system of his car and replaced it with a mechanism that runs on any type of water and a small amount of gas, WKMG-TV, Orlando, Fla., reported. "When you separate the water from the oxygen from the hydrogen, it cooks and it cooks down to a brown," Brown said. "We're not having any waste product off of it. Everything is consumed and burned." Brown said any money he makes off the clean car will go toward missionary projects across the globe. "I've just been asking for a way, for the Lord to show me to raise money rapidly and I started to working on this idea," he said. Activists place masks on Rome statues An environmental activist group has claimed responsibility for placing anti-pollution masks over the mouths of about 150 statues in Rome under cover of night. Activists with environmental group Terra! said the masks -- which were found Thursday morning on statues including the likenesses of Roman emperors near the Colosseum and magistrates surrounding Rome's Palace of Justice -- were "protesting together with activists" to raise awareness of carbon dioxide emissions from automobiles, ANSA reported. Terra! has called for new European Commission regulations aimed at reducing emissions. Mysterious substance in fudge not pot A 13-year-old girl told police at Indiana University that a green leafy substance found in fudge she distributed was lavender, not marijuana. Police said the girl told them she had made the lavender fudge for a school project and asked her mother, an employee of the university, if she could pass out the leftovers at the college's Eigenmann Hall, the Bloomington (Ind.) Herald-Times reported. Indiana University Police Department Capt. Jerry Minger said the leafy substance made some of the mother's co-workers suspicious, and one took a sample to police. Minger said the substance tested positive for traces of marijuana. However, the girl came forward after the case was publicized and brought police a sample of the lavender, which registered a "weak reaction" on the marijuana test. Minger said the case is considered closed. =========================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: .--""--.___.._ ( <__> ) `-. |`--..--'| <| | :| / | :|--""-./ `.__ __;' o!O "" Rest Room Hand Dryers My pastor friend told me his chruch installed sanitary, hot-air hand dryers in the rest rooms. After about two weeks I dropped by to see him and noticed workmen taking them out. I asked him why. The pastor confessed that they worked fine, but said when he went in the men's room after the previous Sunday's service he found a scribbled note above one of the hand dryers that read, "For a sample of this week's sermon, push button." Not surprisingly, the dryers were out, paper towell dispensers were back in. -<>- >Tough Weeks Some of you may have noticted that I haven't posted to Sermon Fodder in awhile. It's been a tough couple of weeks on this end. It stated with Beth's PC. The hard drive died. Randy, our computer guy, couldn't pull anything off the old one. Fortunately, I had just backed up some videos and photos of the grandkids playing baseball and softball. However, we lost some of our vacation photos from our recent trip to New York and most of the photos from our trip to California last year. Back up your PC. Do it now. Do not pass go, do not collected $200. Now. I was able to find Beth a new 380 gig Western Digital hard drive for about $70 (shipping included) from newegg.com. They have really good prices. I have several friends in IT who order tons of stuff from them. About the time we got the PC back up and running, I got a call that my last remaining uncle had died. Uncle Helburn was almost 88. A week before he died he put in a full day of work harvesting corn on the farm he'd lived on since about age 9. He thought he was coming down with the flu. After a couple of days of tests it turned out to be cancer. Rather than go through some extreme treatments with about a 5% chance of survival, he chose to go home and spend his last days among the people he loved. Then, my great friend Gary Morse died. Gary had fought cancer and won three times. Round four finally took him from us. You've seen some of Gary's writings from his Men Who Win Ministries on Sermon Fodder from time to time. Gary had been my boss at WKYX-WKYQ Rado in Paducah in the early 1970's. Most of all, he was a great Christian Brother and friend. When he was 21 years old, Gary was hit hard by the suicide of his father. With God's help, he turned that tragedy into a ministry that has had an impact on thousands of men and families. Check out his legacy of work at www.menwhowin.com. About the time I was learning about my uncle's death, I learned that my dear friend Terry has cancer and is starting chemo. Terry is also a friend of Gary Morse and wanted to attend Gary's memorial service Monday night. One problem. Terry was in the hospital for treatments. I pitched in with my friends Kurt, George, and Joe to kidnap Terry, sneak him out of the hospital, and take him to the service. It was a blessing for us all. The greatest part of it was that we wanted to bless Gary's wife and family by our presence at the service. When Gary's wife, Ro, saw us she immeditely started encouraging Terry, reminding him to get psyched up to take on cancer, fight it, and win. Terry wanted to be there to bless her and she ended up blessing him and the rest of us. After the funeral, we took Terry by a local drive-in for milk shakes, then headed back to the hospital. I would appreciate your prayers for Terry. He's in good spirits and has lots of support from a core group of friends. Terry was a great help to me when I went through some tough times. I hope I can do even half as much for him. I came away from the week with a full heart and totally inspired by two great people who lived life large with a simple servant attitude toward those around them. I've also been inspired by my friend Terry and his wonderful courage and attitude toward what will admittedly be a tough fight in coming months and weeks. Best, Keith The Sermon Fodder Guy The Sermon Fodder list shares a regular dose of Christian humor and modern-day parables for personal enjoyment. Our material is often used as sermon illustration material by pastors and Sunday School Teachers. To subscribe send an e-mail to: Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or go to http://www.sermonfodder.com ============================================================= >-->From Laugh And Lift: Quick Jokes _________________________________________________ ________________________ jro|\ | AIM HIGH | | \ ______ | __ | | \ | |fly the \_/__\_/ F117 | | \ | | _______/__\/__\_______ | | | Stealth | "Now this is an | | United States Air Force| educational |[] |________________________| experience!" \ () | / | \ | \\\\ ____ | |\ | | ( oo |\___\ | | \| | \o/ ||___| | \\ | | (/_\)/____\_ | \\| ______|__________________________ |\ ||_____|\__| | \__________\ \ \ | | \ \|__________| \ 888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 >Politically Correct Terms: * Serial-Killer -- Person with difficult-to-meet needs * Dishonest -- Ethically disoriented * Fat -- Horizontally challenged * Bald -- Follicularly challenged * Pregnant -- Parasitically oppressed * Alive -- Temporarily metabolically able * Dead -- Living impaired * Ignorant -- Knowledge-based nonpossessor * Unattractive -- Cosmetically different * Body Odor -- Nondiscretionary fragrance -------- __ _| =\__ /o____o_\ An elderly woman was driving along in her VW Beetle when the motor sputtered. She pulled to the side of the road, got out, and looked under the hood. Several minutes later another woman stopped her car (also a VW Beetle) and asked if she could be of help. The perplexed owner looked from under the hood and said, "it seems as though I don't have a motor." The second woman politely answered, "That's okay, I've got an extra one in the trunk you can have." -------- Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com =============================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: Virus Alert - Joke *tappititaptap...* _ ___ ,'_|_ _|. \|___|__,' ___ ( `.|__,' / \ ) __ /// =( ( \ || `--. '/(__/== -- || | _) ( : / ||_,--' |/mom)``.__ _[__]__ |\ \.-' _(\\ | | ||`.___,-'_-~~]_|_______|_____ ||\.,-' [____________________] ||_`.___. ||. \||| ||_______`.|| \ _ /||| ||| |||||. \ ,-|_|\||| ||| |||||\\_\__ | \_/||| -||+-----||+||+\\_,-'+-----||+---- Ool READ CAREFULLY! VIRUS ALERT!!!!! If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes" delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. (For Goodness sake, man, are you listening?!?!) It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and insert undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences. If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim with whole milk. **WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.** And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you'll fart next time you're making love. Send send send send send................ -<>- _______________________ |\_____________________/| || || || _ _ || || / ) / ) __ |_| || || / -|- / -- | || || `== `== ' || || _____ || ||______________#####__|| jgs |/_____________________\| >Let's bash BOTH sexes What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? -- 45 lbs What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? -- 45 mins. What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? -- Sexual Harassment. What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? -- $3.99 a minute. How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The love is the same, but the dishes pile up. How can you tell if your husband is dead? -- The love is the same, but you get the remote. How many men does it take to change a light bulb? -- None, they just sit there in the dark and complain. What have men and floor tiles got in common? -- If you lay them properly the first tiime, you can walk all over them for life. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? -- Because those men already have boyfriiends. What is a man's view of safe sex? -- A padded headboard. How do men sort their laundry? -- "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable" What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? - After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? - The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What do you call a smart blonde? -- A golden retriever. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? -- The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? -- A battery has a positive side. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? -- Two mothers-in-law. -<>- __,=,__ .~`` .` `.``~. | . . |____ `-;=============;""""` ( (. _).) \ | | \ `-.___.' / '._ _.' /`''''\ / \ | |/\/\/\/|.-. |-|/\/\/\/|;' ) (__/_______| _) #########'._) jgs |==|=|__ ,,,(______)_),,,, ,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,, ,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,, ,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;, >Have Courage When things go wrong as they sometimes will; When the road you're trudging seems all uphill; When the funds are low, and the debts are high And you want to smile, but have to sigh; When care is pressing you down a bit- Rest if you must, but do not quit. Success is failure turned inside out; The silver tint of the clouds of doubt; And you can never tell how close you are It may be near when it seems so far; So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit- It's when things go wrong that you must not quit. -<>- Sometimes we just need to remember _,,_ __ d888888bd888b d88888888888888B 8888888P`Y8888P Y888888 (, \_ ,_Y88( ) Y888888b __\ '8"888P (_ jgs | .---' ~;~~\~ .=. \ (_ _) \ |=| \ _ /| | \ /_\/ | | | .-'--/_/------'-. `-.,___________,.-' | || |___|| |___|| .'""'';.__ (_________)) >WHAT the Rules of Life really are... 1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. 2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape . 3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize" and "You are right." 4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm. 6. The really best advice that your mother ever gave you was, Go! You might meet somebody!" 7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her-believe them. 8. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?' 9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee. 10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance! 11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you. 12. Work is good, but it's not that important. 13. And finally... Be really nice to your friends. You just never know who that one blockhead could be! =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: _.~._ ,~'.~@~.`~. / : _..._ : \ { :,"''))`".: } `C) 9 _ 9 (-'.._,-"7o-.__ ( )(@)( ) /o `. `-.___.-' `-._ / \ \ / `-' ;`-._,-. y ,' `---t.,-. \_____ ,' /---.__\ _( \--------' _,\ ,' `-.__.--' `. \_____ '///,-`-' `-------' hjw A young mother was standing outside a mall holding her six- month-old baby and her sister's three-month-old baby. Two women approached the mother. "Are they twins?" one asked. "No, they're three months apart." "My! You sure had them close together." -<>- We were helping customers when the store optometrist walked by and flirted with a co-worker. Of course, we all had to stop what we were doing to tease her. But she quickly dis- missed the notion of a budding romance. "Can you imagine making out with an optometrist?" she asked. "It would always be, 'Better like this...or like this?'" -<>- After a recent move, I made up a list of companies, agencies, and services that needed to know my new address and phoned each one to ask for the change to be made. Everything went smoothly until I called one of my frequent flier accounts. After I explained to the representative what I wanted to do, the woman told me, "I'm sorry; we can't do that over the phone. You will have to fill out our change-of- address form." "How do I get one of those?" I asked. "We'd be happy to provide you with one," she said pleasantly. "May I have your new address so that I can mail it to you?" -<>- >Now Press Control-A _______________________________________________ Dan _-' .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-. --- `-_ _-'.-.-. .---.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.--. .-.-.`-_ _-'.-.-.-. .---.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-`__`. .-.-.-.`-_ _-'.-.-.-.-. .-----.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-----. .-.-.-.-.`-_ _-'.-.-.-.-.-. .---.-. .-----------------------------. .-.---. .---.-.-.-.`-_ :-----------------------------------------------------------------------------: `---._.--- Dan Strychalski --- Writer --- dski@cameonet.cameo.com.tw ---._.---' A Canadian customer was calling to find out if there was a faster way to trigger menu commands than mousing up to the menus. Agent: Certainly, sir. There are keyboard shortcuts for many of those commands. For example, suppose you want to trigger the Select All command... Caller: Yes, I use that one all the time! How do I do it? Agent: Well, you just press Control-A. Caller (after a pause): Well, that's not working for me. Agent: Do you have a text document open in front of you? Caller: Yes, I sure do. Agent: OK, now press Control-A. Caller: I am, but nothing happens. Agent: The text isn't highlighted? Caller: No, there's no change at all. Agent: That's odd. If you press Control-A the whole document should be highlighted. Try it again. Press Control-A. Tell me exactly what's happening. Caller (nearing his Canadian breaking point): Listen. I'm pressing Control, eh? And nothing's happening, eh? -<>- My new girlfriend, Karen, got a job at a local hardware store. "The owner doesn't want us hanging out with our friends," she said. "If you stop by, tell them you're my brother." On my first visit I walked to the customer service desk and asked the older woman there, "Is Karen around?" When she looked at me quizzically, I added, "I'm her brother." She smiled. "What a nice surprise. I'm Karen's mother." -<>- %%, ,%% %%`%%,%%%%%,%%'%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% `%%, ,%%' `@@ `%%,%%' `@ ,%%' ' %%`%%. `%%.sSSs _ `%%.SSSs .// sSSs `%%.SSSs //\.sSSs' .oOOOOOOOo. SSSs `~ .sSSs' .oOOOOOOOo. .oOO;;;;;;;OOo.SSSsSSSSSs .sSSs'.oOO;;;;;;;OOo. OOOOOOOOo;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;oOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;OOOOOOO `OOO;;;;;;'OOO' `OOO`;;;;;;OOO' `OOOOOOOOO' `OOOOOOOOO' Susie Oviatt After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on her record player. Knowing she was not that technically astute, I called her a few days later to see how she was managing. "Fine. I listened to Shania Twain this morning," she said. "The whole CD?" I asked. "No," she replied, "just one side." ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html Molly The Speckled Pony http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/molly.html Tech Horror Stories http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tech.html Building Advertising Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingads.html Veggie Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/veggie.html Amazing Bus Stops http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bus.html Amazing Stairways http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stairs.html World Of Peacocks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/peacock.html Thinkers And Their Desks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desks.html -<>- >From Our Friend Budha :) To all my Brothers, I have been in some hard times these pass few months, think I'm finally coming out now. Love you all!!! Budha God's Own Lunatics http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_gJTsRSd38 --- ...God Bless You Budha! Thank You! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Replace Ads With Art Images - FireFox http://add-art.org/ History of the Hovercraft http://tinyurl.com/ks5hl7 Stop Telemarketing Phone Calls http://www.phonespamfilter.com/ Wii-hab http://tinyurl.com/l45fod --- ...Cool Links! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Mouse Wont Work http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjsksowl.htm Movie TV Bed http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjkeoel.htm M Rip It Up http://www.buffaloschips.com/gnzxjzkaka.htm The Flies In Florida Are Tough http://www.buffaloschips.com/gajskks.htm Dunk Shot http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghsasjs.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Wal-Mart plans to open 90 stores in China, one of will be a superstore called the Great Wal-Mart of China." --Jay Leno "It's hot out! It's so hot out that I stopped at Ben and Jerry's for a scoop of ice cream and the guy at the counter asked if I wanted that in a cup, cone, or in my pants." --Dave Letterman "Police in North Carolina are looking for a pregnant woman who attempted to rob a bank at gunpoint. FBI sketch artists have just released a sonogram. Be careful everyone she is armed and lactating." -Jimmy Fallon "There's an asteroid heading toward the earth and we're all going to die. There is! Scientists are saying there's a 1 in 45,000 chance of an asteroid hitting the earth in 2036. Now an asteroid is a giant rock. It's headed toward the earth. We should send up a giant piece of paper. We couldn't send scissors; that would be impractical." -Craig Ferguson "According to Newsweek, they've now come out with the carbon diet. An environmentally friendly diet that reduces green- house gases. Let me tell you something. If your diet is so bad that you are causing global warming... just stay out of Taco Bell." -Jay Leno "My grandmother, who's in her nineties, still drives. People hear that and say, "God bless her." But no one will get in the car with her. She has a 1962 Dodge Dart, it has a push- button transmission. At this point it's like a slot machine. She's hit so many motorcycles, there are stencils of motor- cycles painted on the side of the car." --Garry Shandling "Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way." --Harry Hill "Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kind of like being the guy on a date." --Caroline Rhea As a child my mother would always tell me not to sit so close to the TV, that it was bad for my eyes. Now, as an adult I spend 8+ hours a day within 2 feet of a computer screen. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************