Ohio Fliers, Things I don't Do And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first scorching hot page comes from our friends Linda, LouiseAu and Geniann. Its a bit of a rib tickler and shows us some interesting famous people caricatures makeovers for pets. Check this humorous one out here... _....._ /::::::.\ /xx::::::.\ |#xx|n|:xx| \##x/xxxx#/ | |\-.-.|\#/#####/ | . |.-,-/| /\__V_\'|B""""|\-.-|| :o. /_v_=\ \ \ /, |0| o,o|/ / /==o=|\ \ \|o.- |0|_.O-- |||\_|=_=/]/ ||o.o|| \[\_v_|.-'\.' |(_)=)-=== \]=-=|/ | @ \-' \ '=: \V| m|--e-+------ |=O==| '._|=._\| |\_\_v_E)| '/\ '/==..__ / |//'. | |=>o<=| |-\"\ /-=/ '. | './-\_/-\ |_o| '.___.' _/._/ |-|_ _|._/ \_.| \_/\ /:__o| |o_:\ /:_o| |o_:. /:_o| l42 Pets As Famous People! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petsfamous.html --- ...Teehee! So cute! Thanks Ladies! This next sizzling hot new page comes from our friend Linda. It reaffirms our hope that there is good in all animals even those with a most high predatory nature. Check this stunning one out here... /\ /\ Todd Vargo //\\_//\\ ____ \_ _/ / / / * * \ /^^^] \_\O/_/ [ ] / \_ [ / \ \_ / / [ [ / \/ _/ _[ [ \ /_/ Lioness And Fox! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lionessandfox.html --- ...So heartwarming! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ____ _ |---|| _ ||__________|SSt||___________|| /_ _ _ _ _ _ |:._|'_ _ _ _ _ _ _\`. /_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _\:`. /_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _\::`. /:.___________________________________\:::`-._ _.-'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _`::::::`-.._ _.-' _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ `:::::::::`-._ ,'_:._________________________________________________`:_.::::-';` `.'/ || |:::::`.'/::::::::`.'/::::::::`.'/::::::|.`.'/.| :| || || |::::::||::::::::::||::::::::::||:::::::|..||..| || || || | __ || :: ___ || :: __ || :: |..||;|| || || || | |::| || :: |:::| || :: |::| || :: |.|||:||_____||__ || || | |::| || :: |:::| || :: |::| || :: |.|||:||_|_|_||,( ||_.|| | |::| || :: |:::| || :: |::| || :: |.'||..| _||,| .-'::_.:'.:-.--.-::--.-:.--:-::--.--.--.-::--.--.-:.-::,'.--.'_|| | );||_|__||_|__|_||__|_||::|_||__|__|__|_||__|__|_|;-'|__|_(,' || '- |||| || |. . . ||. . . . . ||. . . . . ||. . . .|::||;''|| ||:' ||||.; _|._._._||._._._._._||._._._._._||._._._.|:'||,, ||,, ''''' ''- ''- ''- ''' ''' The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job," he said and handed the man a check. "Also, in order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie." Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?" "Nope," replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked." -<>- It was the first day of school and the teacher was asking the little boy about his family. "And what does your Daddy do?" "He's a magician." "That must be exciting, what tricks can he do?" "He can saw people in half." "That is clever, and tell me do you have any brothers or sisters?" "Yes, one half brother, and two half sisters." -<>- A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish." The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, "I'd want peace in the Middle East." The genie responds, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting for millennia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits." The programmer then says, "Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask only for sensible changes." At which point the genie responds, "Um, let me see that map again." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ August 22 is Be an Angel Day and National Tooth Fairy Day August 23 is Ride the Wind Day August 24 is Vesuvius Day [marks the date that Mount Vesuvius exploded] August 25 is Kiss and Make Up Day August 26 is National Dog Day and Women's Equality Day August 27 is Global Forgiveness Day and Just Because Day August 28 is Race Your Mouse Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _____ /_..._\ (0[###]0) `' `' -Lester AMC >Judging Distance My 76-year-old father, while still a good driver, has more trouble judging distances than he used to. This sometimes results in driving by sound: He hits something, and then realizes it's there. The cost of repairing bumpers was getting expensive, so we thought a perfect gift would be a reverse-sensor that gave an audible and visual signal when the car was getting too close to something. We had it installed and watched excitedly as Dad backed out of the garage. He was heading straight for a garbage can when the audible signal went off. Dad reached for his cell phone. "Hello?" -<>- ____, / / ] / / ] | ,======--_________,. ' /___] |_____/____|___) _,.> <| | G-ASCI ,. '` |\ | ,. '` | `,_______|____,. '` ^ \ (_) (_) >Ohio Fliers The U.S. Postal Service issued a stamp honoring the one hundredth anniversary of the first flight by the Wright Brothers. The first man in powered flight was from Ohio. The first man to orbit Earth was from Ohio. And the first man on the moon was from Ohio. It sounds like a lot of people are trying to get out of Ohio. -<>- >MENSA Convention MENSA is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was a MENSA Convention in San Francisco and several members lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, this was a job for MENSA! The group debated and presented ideas and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution. "Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker contains ....." "Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." So she unscrewed the caps of both and switched them. -<>- >Missing Baseball There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy who said, "My ball went in your garage. Can I have it back please?" Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. "How do you suppose this ball got in here?" I asked the boy. Taking one look at the ball, and then the window, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must have thrown it right through that hole!" -<>- __________________________________________/ ------------------------------------------| | | |~~~~~~~~~~| | | | | *| *|Bless this|* |* | | |_____|_____| ~Home~ |______|______|____| _________ _________ | `| "Sweep and mop! It's not our | |] job to help clean house! |__________| Mom treats us like slaves!" | | / |_==___==_| | |]__.--@|@--.__\\\\___|_________| | |---(((----//--( oo //oo o oo| | | |()))) // ||\O/ /)| _______ | | | | \_/ (\/ |// \///|| || |jro | |// \\//____|\\ //_|||_______|| |__________|__\\__\/_______(//|__|_________| ///\\ //|| ~~(_)(_) ////(_) >Things I Don't Do 1. I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt. 2. I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip and hurt themselves. I'd feel terrible and they might sue. 3. I don't mind the dust bunnies because ... they are very good company. I have named most of them, and they never disagree with anything I say. 4. I don't disturb cobwebs because ... I want every creature to have a home of their own. 5. I don't Spring Cleaning because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous. 6. I don't put things away because ... we'll never be able to find anything ever again. 7. I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner. 8. I don't iron because ... hey, they say "Permanent Press" right on 'em. 9. I don't stress much on anything because ... "Type A" personalities die young and I think it'd be a lot of fun to stick around and become wrinkled, crusty and cantankerous. (Hey, I'm there already! -Tom) ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) A blind fish with it's seeing eye dog fish! :) () , O -. )', \'._.,-" c '-,_ o ) _,.c cc =[]L] /." ', c __.` -' \('---' '=.____ '-. O \ 0 , \|\_/) \-, |',T( 66,_ o ) '-" \\.___Y) ) ,-.Y _.G snd /-" /.' >CDT driving school The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate. Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your car. Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully. -<>- _)) > *\ _~ `;'\\__-' \_ | ) _ \ \ ejm97 / / `` w w w w >Hole in the ground Ole and Swen are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed at the size of it. The Ole says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is!" Swen says," I don't know. Let's throw somethin' down there, listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom." Ole says, "Hey, there's an old automobile transmission over there. Give me a hand, we'll throw it in and see." So they pick it up and carry it over and count one, two, three and heave it in the hole. They are standing there listening, looking over the edge, when they hear a rustling behind them. As they turn around, they see a goat come crashing through the underbrush, run up to the hole and, without hesitation, jump in headfirst. While they are standing there staring at each other in amazement, peering into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer saunters up. "Say there," says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?" Ole says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' bout a hunnert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this here hole!" The old farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible! I had him chained to a transmission." -<>- >Men & Women Diaries How men and women record things in their diaries... WIFE'S DIARY: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, "Nothing..." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. HUSBAND'S DIARY: A two-foot putt ... WHO misses a stupid two-foot putt! -<>- >Dangerous job A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience and the man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" And the man said, "I was looking for my father." -------- Two airheads go on a fishing vacation. They buy fancy equipment, rent a great cabin, bring enough food to feed a battalion, and start fishing. They fish all week. They catch exactly ONE fish. Depressed, they go home with their paltry catch. Airhead one: "Do you realize this one lousy fish cost us 1500 dollars??" Airhead two: "Wow. Good thing we didn't catch more." ------- A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' Sermon complete, he sat down. The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a barely suppressed smile .. . "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River' Smile - life is too short notto!! If this brightened your day Don't let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile, Keep spreading the Cheer. See you at the river! --- ...HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ( ( ) ( ) ) ) ) ( .-. ( ) /%/ ( __.----.__ ( /%/ .-' __.--.__ `-/%/ (.--' `-//) |`---.______.---'|.---. | | .-. \ | |( \ | | |) | | | | | | | | F F | | / / _________________ | | .'.' .-'.-'o o o `-.`-. | |/ / / /o o o o o`. \ | | / | J o o o o o \ \ | |_) |\\ o o o o o o L \ | | | \`-._ o o o o / \ `-._ _.-' \ `-._>-.__________.-<___.'| """----""" \| | VK `-.____________________.' >Buttered Toast: Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor. It lands butter-side-up. He looks at what he has done in astonishment, for he knows it's a law of nature that buttered toast always falls butter-down. He rushes round to the presbytery to fetch the priest. He tells the priest that he thinks a miracle has happened round at his flat. He won't say what it is but wants Flanagan Flannagan to see it with his own eyes. He brings the priest into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor. "Well," says the priest, "it's pretty obvious what we have here. Someone dropped some buttered toast, and then for some reason flipped it over so that the butter was on top." "No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that." "Well," Fr. Flanagan says, "it's certainly a natural law of the universe that dropped toast never falls butter side up. But it's not for me to say it's a miracle. I'll report the matter to the bishop, and have him send people round, to interview you, take photos, etc." An investigation of some rigor is conducted, not only by priests of the archdiocese, but also by scientists sent from the Archbishop in Dublin. The final ruling is negative, however. It read: "It was certainly an extraordinary event that occurred in Murphy's room, quite outside the normal run of the phenomena. Yet we have to be very cautious before ruling any happening miraculous, ruling out all possible natural explanations. In this case we have declared no miracle. For it possibly resulted from Murphy's having buttered the toast on the wrong side." --- ...Oh My! Sounds like a Pres. Obama ruling! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) 0_ \`. ___ \ \ / __>0 /\ / |/' / / \/ ` ,`'--. / /(___________)_ \ |/ //.-. .-.\\ \ \ 0 // :@ ___ @: \\ \/ ( o ^(___)^ o ) 0 \ \_______/ / /\ '._______.'--. \ /| |<_____> | \ \__|<_____>____/|__ \____<_____>_______/ |<_____> | |<_____> | :<_____>____: / <_____> /| / <_____> / | /___________/ | | | _|__ | | ---||_ | |L\/|/ | | [__] | \|||\|\ | / jgs | | / |___________|/ >Days gone bye My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayonnaise on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning. My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting e. Coli. Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then. The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system. We all took gym, not P.E...and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Keds (only worn in gym) instead of having cross- training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now. Flunking gym was not an option.... Even for stupid kids! I guess P.E. must be much harder than gym. Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything. I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself. I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations. Oh yeah... And where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed! We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat. We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either; because if we did we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home. I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck. To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family.. How could we possibly have known that? We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes. We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever survive? LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA; AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T, SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING! --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Karen! Amazing how much things change! I remember staying outside playing all day until the street lights came on. If I didn't my mom would yell at me for being in the house and tell me to go out and play! I'd go on bike riding adventures to the country and almost get lost but always figured out how to get back home. My bike was my horse complete with reins! Fun times. Today, we have to watch the kids much closer because of the perverts and predators - simply not safe for kids like it used to be - most kids can't go out Trick Or Treating at night any more like we did as kids and it is limited to just a couple hours in the afternoon on one day and only to places with their porch lights on instead of one or two all night events! It's a sad world we live in now. A few evil people ruin it for everyone. =========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: UN-sponsored schools for Palestinians – – – supported by $400 million a year from U.S. taxpayers – – – teach children to kill Jews and wage holy Islamist war http://factsandlogic.org/ad_159/ Lawmakers call for defunding UN schools after film shows Palestinian kids praising ISIS http://tinyurl.com/zptpcf7 Especially watch starting at 14:00 - Astonishing how bad the democrats have been with the black community, woman and minorities! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXga5iYUhSo Latest Excellent Trump Speech - on Thursday! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bd5GWWQRVuE BREAKING: SHOCK - State Department Just Admitted Obama Lied - This Is A HUGE Scandal http://tinyurl.com/jxajnu6 -<>- >From BizarreNews: A teacher was arrested on a charge of public intoxication after allegedly showing up on the first day at her job under the influence of alcohol, according to police in Oklahoma. The Wagoner Police Department said that they have arrested 49-year-old Lorie Ann Hill, after the principal of the Wagoner High School, found her in a classroom without pants. In court, Hill pleaded not guilty to a charge of public intoxication. She was booked into jail and her bail was set at $149. According to the police investigation, the incident unfolded early on Monday morning. Hill showed up for her first day of work while she was intoxicated. She was not wearing pants or shoes. The principal found her sitting is in an empty classroom. The police officer who arrived at the scene, could smell a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage coming from Hill's breath. She admitted to drinking orange juice and vodka on her way to work. She also told police that she had vodka in her car, which was in the school parking lot. *- There Are A Lot of Pantsless Women This Week -* Passengers and flight attendants of a Virgin America flight were surprised to see a woman show up without pants. Passengers took photos of the woman, who was not identified, as she stood at the ticket counter to collect her boarding pass. The photos show the woman dressed in a beige jacket, leaning against the counter as a staff member is seen talking on the phone with a manager. She did not wear any pants and her black underpants was visible, exposing most of her behind. Virgin America encourages all passengers to relax and unwind when flying, and this woman clearly took their advice. A photo of the woman was uploaded on Reddit, where it went viral. *-------- Woman Run Over by Her Own Car --------* A Washington state driver's dashcam recorded the moment a woman got out of her car at a red light and was run over by her own vehicle. The footage recorded by David Alger's dashboard camera at the red light to get out of the Costco parking lot in Burlington shows a woman driving a white vehicle ahead of Alger. The video shows another driver pull up beside the woman and signal her that her gas cap is loose. "She just went to pick up the gas cap and realized the car was moving, so she went back to jump back into the car and grab the steering wheel," Alger said. "And as she grabbed the steering wheel with the car still moving forward, I would imagine the wheel turned to the left and that's when she was dragged underneath the left rear tire and run over. Both legs. Went right up over her buttock and over both legs." Alger, who is seen running to help the woman, said she insisted she was uninjured. "She wanted to take off after the vehicle and run through the intersection and I said, 'Whoa, hold on here. How are you, let me help you, hold on to me.' And she said, 'I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me I'm fine,'" he said. Alger said the woman drove away after being checked out by police and paramedics. *---------- Monkey See, Monkey Fight ----------* An Ohio shopper captured video of an escaped monkey scuffling with a Walmart employee before being reclaimed by an owner in the store's parking lot. A video posted to Facebook shows the monkey struggling with a Walmart employee by the cart return station in the Lancaster store's parking lot. A woman, apparently the monkey's owner, runs up and pulls the two apart. "Let him go, let him go, let him go! If he bites you, they will put him down," the woman says. The woman and monkey then return to a nearby camper, which the primate apparently escaped from earlier. A Walmart representative said the monkey did not bite the employee and the woman was "grateful" to the worker for catching her unusual pet. The Ohio Department of Agriculture said it is working to identify the woman to determine whether she is an Ohio resident and, if so, whether her monkey is properly registered. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .===. _ _ / _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \ \/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ | ( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. _)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ / `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) /\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )( \ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) \|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ | L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) |__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ | | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ |_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) With some misgivings, we left a young baby-sitter in charge of our three energetic youngsters. When we returned a few, hours later, she was sitting alone watching TV. I went to check on the children, and found them in our narrow hallway. By bracing their arms and legs against the walls, two of them had climbed up to the ceiling. "The baby-sitter taught us how," they said gleefully. The sitter joined me, her face a deep red. "Since they had me climbing the walls, I figured they might as well be too," she stammered. -<>- My uncle was giving me the grand tour of his house. The bath- rooms had excessively mirrored walls but his wife preferred not to look at herself in such a compromising position. She even went so far as to place a "modesty plant" so that it obscured the view. Now I don't think there is anything wrong with mirrored walls in the bathroom. I told my uncle: "You should be able to sit and reflect" -<>- A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem. After the visit the man asks, "How much do I owe you?" "My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician. "Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges that much!" "In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred." "Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous." "Well, then, could you afford two hundred?" "Who has that kind of money?" "Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me a hundred and get out of my office, okay?" "I can give you fifty," says the man. "Take it or leave it." "I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?" "Listen, Doctor," says the patient, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive!" -<>- A worker in the reference department of the Library of Congress received a call asking the meaning of the phrase "without recourse." He consulted a legal dictionary and furnished this definition, "Said of a signer of a document when he takes no responsibility for the face of the document." "Thank you," said the voice at the other end of the wire. "I have an autographed photograph of Coolidge. It's signed, "Without recourse, Calvin Coolidge." -<>- According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the Bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. -<>- On a recent trip to Washington, D.C., my brother-in-law overheard a patriotic father pointing out a well-known building to his son. "You see that triangular-shaped octagon over there? That's the Pentagon." ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: /\ _ / \ ...o ...o (_) /\ / \ ...o / \_ / \_ /\ /\ _/ \_ / \ /\ / \__ /\ /\ _ / \ / / # ## # #\#\_/ \ /# ## #\____/ \___ _/ \_/ \__/ _ \_/ #/ ### #\#\ ##/\###\###\#\####\/###/#\#####/#/\####\__/###/\\#######/#\#\##/##/#\##/\## #/#\#\######\##\/\##\#/###/\\#/##/\#\/#\\####//#\##\#//#/\#\##/######//#\## ##/\##\#\#####//##\######//#\###/##\/###\###/######/###/##\###\#/#\#/###/## /###\##\##\#/########\#/#######/###/#####\#/#####//##/#######\##\######/### __- .--~~~~~~~----~~-.__.00_ ____--- ____--- __ d o\ ____--- : . ~o -- : | ' ._'--`-' ___-- -- 9 l l j .--. } j \ Y ____--- o-" o \ | _/~~T-...---~" -. \ __-- _'. \___ | / \ | | / \ \ "._ `\ \_." __- \_;,, \_;,, \_;,, "-,;, ____..---~~ ~~~~~~~~ chs ------------------ Amazing-but-True Facts --------------- I don't know how true this stuff is, but I do know that they are super freakin' weird! I hope you enjoy. - Polar bears can eat as many as 86 penguins in a single sitting. - In the weightlessness of space a frozen pea will explode if it comes in contact with Pepsi. - Smearing a small amount of dog feces on an insect bite will relieve the itching and swelling. - The Boeing 747 is capable of flying upside-down if it weren't for the fact that the wings would shear off when trying to roll it over. - The trucking company Elvis Presley worked at as a young man was owned by Frank Sinatra. - SCUBA divers cannot pass gas at depths of 33 feet or below. - Human saliva has a boiling point three times that of regular water. - The Venezuelan brown bat can detect and dodge individual raindrops in mid-flight, arriving safely back at his cave completely dry. - Never hold your nose and cover your mouth when sneezing, as it can blow out your eyeballs. - Every Labrador retriever dreams about bananas. (Courtesy of Top Five) -<>- >You know you work for the government when... * The process becomes more important than the product * You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about * You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there * You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them. * You fly first class across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money. * You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym. * You understand the rationalization of an acronym composed of acronyms. * You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance. (1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor (2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention * You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards. [From AndyChaps] -<>- | (_) | _.-|_____| ,' ` / \ / | / ; _,' / (_ / '-._ / '-._ (| \\`-._) \\ | (_) | ____ | / ___\ | ,--.; /d\q )| ::._ \;\`- / | ::( `.\ `-' | :::`. `.`-._,| ::: `. `-._,|; ;::: : `-._|__; ;::::: : | ::::::: : | ::::::: : | :::::::.: \ ::::::::: ,--.`._ | |_|__( __) \ jrei |_..__)_)`.____.' >THANK YOU FOR CALLING THE MENTAL HEALTH HOT LINE... If you're obsessive/compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you're co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you. If you're a multiple personality, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you're paranoid and delusional, we already know what you want and who you are. Just stay on the line while we trace your call. If you're schizophrenic, please hold, and a little voice will tell you what to press. If you're depressed, it probably doesn't matter what you press, it won't do you any good anyway. -<>- ______________________________________ | | _.---------|.--. | .-' ` .'/ `` | .-' .' | /| | .-' | / `.__// | .-' _.--/ / | | _ .-' / / | | ._ \ / ` / | | ` . / ` / | | \ \ '/ / | | - \ / /| | | ' .' / | | | ' |.'| | | | | | | | |______________________________________| | |.' | / | / | / ) /| .A/`-. / | AMMMA. `-._ / / AMMMMMMMMA. `-. / / AMMMMMMMMMMMMA. `. / AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA.`. / MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA.`. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA.`. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMV' VK >Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark 1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?" 3. "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind." 4. "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you." 5. "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?" 6. "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me." 7. "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister." 8. "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..." 9. "Thanks for being a part of my life!!!I never knew what evil was before this!" 10. "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again." (www.ahajokes.com/) -<>- ( _________ \ |. |_ ) |. |:| ##--------> |. |/ ) |_________| / __|___|__ ____________(______________[_________]___________ | | | __ ____ _ ______ __ ______ __ __ | | / / / __ \ | / / __/ \ \/ / __ \/ / / / | | / /__/ /_/ / |/ / _/ \ / /_/ / /_/ / | | /____/\____/|___/___/ /_/\____/\____/ | | | | | |_________________________________________________| b'ger --------------------- Oh, Mom Knows --------------------- A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her." ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Why Trump 2? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whytrump2.html Trucks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trucks.html Awesome Bikes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebikes.html Auto MotorPlex! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html Expensive Hotels! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html Play With Harley! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/harley.html Volkner Mobil RV! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv.html Extreme Camping! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html Luxury Golf Carts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golfcarts.html Road Train Trucks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roadtrain.html World's Fastest Cars! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html Amazing Cop Cars 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html World's Tallest Wooden Building http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tallestbuilding.html Stainless VS Gold! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/stainlesscar.html Cute Australian Wildlife! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/australiaanimals.html Chalk Art 9! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/chalkart9.html SubTropolis: Park! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/subtropolisup.html Montreal Mosaicultures 2! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/montrealshow2.html Growing Fruits And Veggies! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/fruitsandveggies.html -<>- >Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :) Fun Pages http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559 -<>- >Follow Me On StumbleUpon: http://tinyurl.com/hvczzjo -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) William Rankin a pilot in the United States Marine Corps is The Man Who Rode Thunder when he ejected from his F8 Crusader on top of a cumulonimbus thunderstorm cloud. He had a very bad day that summer of 1959 by any pilot’s standard as not only did his engine fail but his parachute deployed in the middle of the thunder storm. Surviving an ejection from 47,000 feet into a thunderstorm is truly amazing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=0cqQzcChFG0 Wild Alaska is a wonderful look at some of the stunning scenery and wildlife that can be found along the coastline of Alaska. This video was filmed by nature photographers Aliscia Young and Richard Sidey while on an expedition in July of 2015. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCWqrE1ozsw A great look at the beautiful wildlife and scenery along some rivers in Alaska that only increases my desire to spend a few summer weeks visiting Alaska. Rafting the rivers like this way is a great way to experience Alaska as you'll see plenty of Grizzly bears and have the opportunity to do some amazing fishing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Htacj6a4L3 --- ...Amazing! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Presidential Prayer Team http://www.presidentialprayerteam.com/prayerwall/ Obama Giving Away the Internet? How that Could Affect the World http://tinyurl.com/jomuaek Duck and dog form unlikely friendship http://tinyurl.com/zfsn67a --- ...Sweet! Thanks Melody! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Last night a woman in New York gave birth to a healthy baby girl inside a Walmart. Obviously it's a little embarrassing to give birth in a Walmart, which is why she plans on telling her daughter she was born in a Target." -Jimmy Fallon "Pope Francis has said that atheists are still eligible to go to heaven. To return the favor, atheists said Popes are still eligible to go into a void of nothingness." -Conan O'Brien "A study has found that some people can suffer symptoms of withdrawal when they are forced to stay away from social media sites. This is why I'm not even on Facebook. I update my high school yearbook manually with a pen." -Jimmy Kimmel "For a lot of children, the party known as summer is over today. Don't worry, kids. School will end eventually and then you'll get to go to a different kind of school called work, and it only ends when you get old and die." -Jimmy Kimmel "Pope Francis is now telling married couples to have children, because only having pets could lead to anger or bitterness in old age. As opposed to having kids, which leads to anger AND bitterness in old age." -Jimmy Fallon "Happy birthday to President Obama who just turned 55! He made a wish and blew out the candles, but then when he opened his eyes, he was still president." -Seth Meyers "Expedia released their rankings of the most annoying drivers in America. For the 15th year in a row, the most annoying driver on the road is every driver but you. The survey says the least popular passengers are backseat drivers. I would have said carjackers." -Jimmy Kimmel "A restaurant in China forces customers to solve complex math problems before they can order their meal. The restaurant has no plans to expand to the United States." -Conan O'Brien "New documents reveal that when Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear, the woman he sent it to was a cleaner, not a prostitute as previously thought. You know, because otherwise it would have been weird." -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************