Old Fart Pride And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ _..---.._ .' .-'''-. '. / .' _..._'. \ __ : : /`;' ) : : _,="`\ ,--''` ``'.; : |; ,-; : ; __..==""==.,_| `-, `; .\; / ^\ _,.="// '-,_.--._ '.(;_.'__/`_.-'`\ ,.--''`` _..=. `'--.// `` \ `--, '` `- |_\ '-. | `-._ _.;--`-..___,.-'` `'-...-_:',;`==,| \ _.--',=" / /"=;="=, _.' ,=".-'` .' /| ,=" _.--' .-' "=, : .' | ", `;._ .--'.' .-' .' . ; ,;;\_ . '._.'--'` -' / ,;;;._ '-._ .''.__.' `\_ .' '._ / '._ .(` jgs '._ ';./ `;` *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2010 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2010 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->3 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This Too Hot To Handle One is from Our Friend Viv. In Honor Of Woman's Month and our upcoming Easter celebration... Put on your Easter bonnet with this one! _ /`_> / / |/ ____| __ | \.-`` ) |---``\ _.' .-`'---``_.' (__...--`` gnv The Red Hat http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redhat.html --- ...awesome sweet one! Thanks Viv! This Sizzler was just too cute to resist! It comes from a forward from our friend Viv. Be sure to check it out here... Orang-Utan Hospital http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orang.html --- ...A darling one! Thank you Viv! This next one comes from two forwards from our friends Sandi and Wesley. Sure to bring you smiles! Check it out here... God's Little Love Notes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/notes.html --- ...I loved this one! Thank You Sandi And Wesley! ================================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: _, // /)/) (\(\ || / ..\ ).. \ \\.----' ,_Y/ \Y_, '-. \ ( Map of the Cat's Brain ) '. l \_/ | | \/ \ | /`/| // \\ |\_ |_ jgs \_)_)\_)) ((_/(__/_,'. (,----' ` .--------------------+--------------------------+-----------. | Obsession with | Mysterious Adoration of | Barf Gland| | Imaginary Insects | just one spot on the bed | | +-------------+------+--------+-----------------+-----------+ | Search and | Inexorable | Short Circuit | | | Destroy | fear of | that makes purr-| Licking | | lobe for | Vacuum | ing kitty an | Gland | | Expensive | Cleaners | arm-shredding +-----------+ | Imported +---------------+ Maniac in Two | Total | | Textiles, | Can Opener | seconds | drive to | | Ceramics | sonar +-----------------+ be where | +-------------+---------------+ Asthmatic | they are | | Shedding on | * | person locator | forbidden | | vacuumed freshly +----------+-----------------+ to go | | surfaces cortex | Infatuation with people +-----------+ +------------------| who hate cats | Inability | | hatred of dogs +----------------------------| to get | '------------------' | along with| | new cat | * Commitment Spot (gets larger when can-opener '-----------' sonar is activated) (there should be an arrow between licking and barfing) =================================================================== >-->From BizarreNews: Sure, in the United States we have law suits when teenage lesbians aren't allowed to take each other to the high school prom, but in Great Britain the education system is so screwed up they have torturing children down to a science. On the one hand you have the story of a five-year-old kindergartener who climbed a tree in his school yard and refused to come down. Due to the school's strict health and safety policy the teachers were prohibited from helping him down. Instead, staff followed guidelines and retreated inside the school building to "observe from a distance" so the child would not get "distracted and fall". It took 45 minutes before a passer-by noticed the child in the tree and helped him down. And for her trouble the head teacher of the school reported her to the police for tres- passing. Meanwhile, at the middle school level, health and safety policy apparently dictates that the school should emotionally and psychologically torture the students. An "exercise" at a middle school in Worcestershire began when pupils heard that there was a gun in the school. Five minutes later the alarm bell sounded and more than 300 were sent outside and saw three teachers running across the field. They saw a "gunman" in the distance and heard what sounded like gunfire before seeing one of the teachers fall to the ground. Colleagues appeared to attempt to resuscitate him. It was all part of a big role-playing scenario designed to teach the children about forensic science, but by the time teachers got the kids all back in the school's auditorium to explain everything, many of them were already frightened, crying and some even getting sick in the bathrooms. Which is ridiculous! Why should witnessing a brutal murder frighten ten and eleven-year-olds to the point of being sick? Anyway, parents complained, understandably, and in response the school promised that in the future they will tone down their mock murders. So it's all taken care of! Bizarrely, Lewis --- ...Makes ya wonder if this is in our future with Obama's new Health AND Education law dictating our every move? God Help Us - through Christ Jesus Our Lord! Amen! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) _ __/") __ ________(___/__(_ \ \ \ (") _ ( \ ) ) ("/ _ / ) ( ( \") \.|\/|./ _________________\ /________________________________________VK_ >Worms A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars: The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead? Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation: What can you learn from this demonstration? Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said: "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!" That pretty much ended the service. --- ...TeeHee! A Good One! Thanks Wesley! ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) ---\=,__,>,_`-. | : | `"""V#######,,_ `- ""##################' --z--;" /_/ `. `. | | `/"""".`|`|| } }|.""""""""|""""" --'//`/' ` \ '. | : : |: || | | : : | : ,_\---_\._ : `.\ |/ : / : | | || : : : //--'> ___ ``-,_ \ \ `"^ : ` || || | : : '=-`',' / `-, __`-. | : : : : : | | || : --- //7;<\ / ,--._ ` | ., : : | ||| || ' : -/;\'/` -='/|( \ \ %#' : `| ||| | : : : // '\ // | ` | | : : `' : : || # | ||| : ` . : | : | ||#|#| | ': : : : ` '#" : : : | ||,|, || : / : |: || ""' : \\|\ X XX///` :| : | : : | | : : / >\\> <\/\< - _____ (((\\\\\ )_ \\\| / \\|\/ \\( ), & \) ( (( |` \\ ))) _ | \` __| ` | , \ ` , \ | \ ,\ , \ ' \/ \_ \/ \ `_,`-._ ` \ ejm / `-. _ \ ` / ,`. \ === / '== =`. | ==== / | === ` / /========= / | / , /______| / , ======== __-' | = === / ,======= ' - -- ( \ \ \ ` \ ` \ ` \_____ \ / ` _/ / '-- ' >To All My friends (When tomorrow starts without me part ll) When tomorrow starts without me, And I'm not there to see, If the sun should rise and find your eyes, All filled with tears for me; I wish so much you wouldn't cry The way you did today, While thinking of the many things, We didn't get to say. I know how much you love me, As much as I love you, And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too; But when tomorrow starts without me, Please try to understand, That an angel came and called my name, And took me by the hand, And said my place was ready, In heaven far,far above, And that I'd have to leave behind All those I dearly love. But as I turned to walk away, A tear fell from my eye, For all my life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die. I had so much to live for, So much left yet to do, It almost seemed impossible, That I was leaving you. I thought of all the yesterdays, The good ones and the bad, I thought of all the love we shared, And all the fun we had. If I could relive yesterday, Just even for a while, I'd say good-bye and kiss you, And maybe see you smile. But then I fully realized, That this could never be, For emptiness and memories, Would take the place of me. And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow, I thought of you, and when I did, My heart was filled with sorrow. But when I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home. As God looked down, and smiled at me, >From His great golden throne, So when tomorrow starts without me, Don't think we're far apart, For every time you think of me, I'm right here, in your heart. ~With all My Love ~ \o/ (Always --John-Paul) --- ...Thank you John Paul! ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) _ , L\ \/OO\ |/ \ /_\ ` _\ |_ Arjen Pilon >2 blondes with a hammer Lynn and Ruth were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Ruth, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?' Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.' Ruth got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!' --- ...Oh My! Thanks Sandi! ================================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >-->From Patriot Update: Obamacare' cops: $1 billion to force new tax compliance http://tinyurl.com/ycst2s3 States Wage Constitutional ObamaCare Legal War http://tinyurl.com/yhg46n4 Stop President Obama's Socialist Agenda for America http://tinyurl.com/yhhwopj Repeal Barbara Boxer http://tinyurl.com/y9855ud -<>- >From ACLJ: For the latest in the battle over health care and what it means to you, I urge you to view my latest online video report - from the steps of the Supreme Court of the United States! http://tinyurl.com/ybo39z5 We've gone from Congress passing the health care bill to the President signing it into law - and now, the ACLJ is taking it to the courts, challenging its constitutionality. It will ultimately end up at the Supreme Court, where I've argued a number of cases. The ACLJ is already backing several states around the nation that have filed lawsuits, with more to come, and intends to file litigation of our own. I encourage you to visit our brand-new health care website - http://www.aclj.org/healthcare - where you can make your voice heard in a very personal yet public way in Washington. You can either join our Constitutional Committee to Challenge the President and Congress on Health Care, or submit your name to become a potential plaintiff in the ACLJ's upcoming lawsuit - or both! (Check the website to see if you qualify.) Thank you for your ongoing commitment to life and liberty! -<>- >From Liberty Counsel: >Something NEW is happening in America! A spirit of revolution and renewal is awakening people across America. That's why The Freedom Federation is holding a powerful gathering called "The Awakening 2010" at Liberty University on April 15-16. I think you're just the kind of patriotic American who will greatly profit from joining us! Read more below. - Mat The truth is, our nation's Christians have no choice but to stand together in this way. The kinds of pressure we are experiencing from radical homosexual activists, socialist political demagogues, anti-Christian bigots, and those who simply want to cast away all bonds of morality and decency COMPEL us to join together! As Benjamin Franklin said when facing a different kind of tyranny, "We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately." In many ways, pressure against the free expression of our faith is even greater today than it was at the time of our founding. Please click here to explore the Federation's web site and learn about "The Awakening 2010": http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?U=26615&RID=23956676 ++Only God can bring something truly good out of such trying circumstances! -<>- >From Newsmax: Napolitano: Obamacare Will Be Struck Down; Sarah Palin Boosts McCain Breaking from Newsmax.com Judge Napolitano: Supreme Court Will Strike Down Obamacare President Barack Obama is one of the worst presidents ever in terms of respecting constitutional limitations on government, and the states suing the federal government over healthcare reform "have a pretty strong case" and are likely to prevail, according to Fox News judicial analyst Judge Andrew P. Napolitano. Read the Full Story -- Go Here Now http://tinyurl.com/ybgjcrh -<>- >From CCA: Speak Out in Our Latest Issues Survey We are conducting a survey of Christian Coalition of America supporters around the country on one of the most important issues that our nation faces today, and we need your input. Currently, America spends over seven-hundred billion dollars every year to buy foreign oil – in many cases from some countries that hate us or harbor terrorists. That over-reliance on foreign sources of energy puts our country’s national security and our economy at the mercy of others. Whether it’s our economy or national security, so many of our country’s interests converge on our energy policies – and we need a better plan. Take It Here: http://cc.org/webform/america039s_path_progress_survey -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Prison warns convict over fart 'attacks' -------- MALMO, Sweden - The warden of a Swedish jail said a prisoner received an official warning for using flatulence to express his discontent about his situation. Anders Eriksson, warden of the Kirseberg prison in Malmo, said guards filed numerous complaints against the 21-year-old prisoner, whose name was not reported, alleging "a series of concerted attacks" in the form of constant wind-break- ing, Britain's The Daily Telegraph reported. "I have worked within the prisons and probation service since 1986 and I have never experienced a situation where behavior of this sort has led to punishment," Eriksson said in an interview with Sweden's Metro newspaper. Authorities said the prisoner offered an explanation for his behavior. "I had an upset stomach while I was playing cards but did not want to fart there. So I went over to the guards instead," he was quoted as saying. The prisoner was issued an official warning and could face punishment for any future attacks of intentional flatulence, Eriksson said. -- Teenage suspect: 'Don't tell my mom' ---------- SALT LAKE CITY - Police in Utah said a kitchen knife- wielding teenager whose attempt to rob a store failed ran off after asking a clerk not to call police or tell his mother. Salt Lake City police said teen brought items from the Maverik store to the counter and maneuvered to behind the counter while the clerk was ringing up the goods, KTVX-TV, Salt Lake City, reported. Police said the suspect attempted to hold a kitchen knife to the clerk's neck, but the worker turned around and knocked the teenager to the floor. The clerk told police the teenager pleaded with him before fleeing without the knife. "Don't call the cops, I will pay," the suspect was quoted as saying, "don't tell my mom." The worker told police the teenager fled the scene on foot. -- Skunk freed from jar, no one sprayed --------- GRAND JUNCTION, Colo. - Colorado wildlife officials said no one was injured or sprayed when an officer freed a skunk from an empty peanut butter jar. State Division of Wildlife spokesman Randy Hampton said a homeowner called authorities about 10 a.m. Saturday to report the skunk was wandering around the resident's yard with its head apparently stuck in a jar, The (Grand Junction) Daily Sentinel reported Monday. Hampton said the officer used a noose affixed to the end of a 6-foot pole to grip the jar and guide the animal away from the yard. The officer spent about 10 minutes removing the container from the animal's head, Hampton said. The skunk "took off and ran toward a television guy," he said. "Only the media around there were at risk, and nobody was injured or sprayed." Hampton said the skunk likely became stuck while digging through some trash. -- Woman calls 911 on police from jail ---------- NAPERVILLE, Ill. - Police in Illinois said a woman arrested after an altercation with a taxi driver called 911 from jail to say she was "trapped" in the facility. Cmdr. Mike Anders of the Naperville police said Carly Houston, 29, of Chicago, was arrested early Sunday morning after her taxi driver asked her for specific directions to her intended destination and she allegedly "yelled, screamed, cursed and extended (both) middle fingers at the cab driver and threatened bodily harm" against him, the Naperville (Ill.) Sun reported Tuesday. The driver pulled over at a BP gas station, where witnesses were "alarmed and disturbed" by the passenger's behavior, Anders said. Houston was arrested after police arrived and she refused to pay the taxi fare. However, Anders said Houston incurred further charges at the police station when she used an allowed phone call to dial 911 and report she was "trapped inside the detention facility." She was charged with misdemeanor charges of making a false 911 report, theft of labor or services, criminal trespass to land and disorderly conduct. =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >Old Fart Pride I'm passing this on as I did not want to be the only old fart receiving it. Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see. Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the Star Spangled Banner. Old Farts remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them. Old Farts remember World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War , the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam . If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are courtly to women. Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection. Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies. Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren. It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politician's, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country. This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values. We need them now more than ever. Thank God for Old Farts! I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them. --- ...LOL! Thanks Wesley! -<>- Two Jewish men, Sid and Abel, were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. Sid asked Abel, "Are there any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?" Abel replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter." When the waiter came by, Abel asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews? and the waiter said, "I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cooks." He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said "No sir, no Mexican Jews." Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, "Are you absolutely sure?" The waiter, realizing he was dealing with 'Gringos' gave the expected answer, "I weel check again, Senor!" and went back into the kitchen. While the waiter was away, Sid said, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico, Our people are scattered everywhere. The waiter returned and said "Senor, the head cook said there is no Mexican Jews." "Are you certain?" Abel asked once again. "I can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!" Senor, I ask everyone," replied the exasperated waiter, "All we have is orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews, and grape Jews." --- ...Oh my! Thanks Wesley! -<>- Bullying, in 'da playground: ///. // 7 Y `-__.`. .\\ / .----' 7'/ / / \\/ \ /___/ | a=' \ \ /_ / / / \\ \ / .' \\ \ `--` ''-' AsH We mutter and splutter, we fume and we spurt, We mumble and grumble, our feelings get hurt, We can't understand things, our vision gets dim, When all that we need is a moment with HIM. Anonymous --- ...Awww, so true! Thanks Wesley! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) |\ /| |\ /| | \ / | |\\ //| | | | | | \| |/ | \ | | / \ || || / \ |_| / \||_||/ .' '. .' '. | | |o o| / \ /= Y =\ `'-. .-'` `'-.^.-'` _| |_ _| |_ /` `\ /` `\ | / \ | | | |/ \| | ( ) | / \ /\ \ / /\ | .-~-. | | '._)_.' | \ { } / \ / jgs \ '-=-' / \ '.___.' / .--' ;---; '--. .--' \---/ '--. `-------' '-------` `-------' '-------` >UNIVERSAL TRUTHS 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever. 15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice-mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? 16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. 17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. 20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it. 22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. 23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text. 24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year? 29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. 30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. 31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help." -- Ronald Reagan --- ...LOL! Thanks Johanna! The more I learn about Reagan, the more I like him. Not as much as Hanity though. ====================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) .__ _..._ /,-./'.--. ``\. /|/.--./`.o/ /`;\\ |||\ _ `-'_` o|/|| ||\\`.`.__`Y8P_,\|| \\|| `"\"""/---'|| \\| ,-' `.||// \(-'_ `. ,-' [_] .-. \ ; `\| ||-'/ ` \ \ /`""-.`\ | ; | `.-|\_/ | ; ' | \-._ / | | / |`--'| : ;_\_ /| |/ /\|, ) __..; `----' :`.`|/ / / | | ; .' `\' ; \/ : _ : : / / : : _.'`.__.' | fsc \ _.' \ / | | / `---.._ | `\ `.____ \ / | `------' \__|_,' >Help! A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk. -<>- >The Black Bra I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a Mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went. My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you...' Then we made passionate love all night long. The mistress: Me too! I met my lover at his office and I was wearing only a raincoat, black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we made wild love all night. Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said --- ^._.^ _ 'h i' _ /-\|---|/-\ / //\-^-/\\ \ 'What's for dinner there, Batman?' ;_//.=(Y)=.\\_; ; mn :-._.-: nm ; | . || || . | |/' '/_I L_\' '\| ARV --- ...LOL! Thanks Sandi! ================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers for no reason. And then there's me. One day I couldn't stand it any longer. "Why don't you ever bring me flowers?" I asked. "What's the point?" my husband said. "They die after about a week." "So could you," I shot back, "but I still like having you around." -<>- "'That's a great place to work!" shouted my 16-year-old brother after coming home from the first day at his first job. "I get two weeks' paid vacation." "I'm so glad," said my mother. "Yeah," added John. "I can't wait to find out where they send me." -<>- ___________,_____ | | # |=====| | | (_) |=====| |> _ |_____|=====| | [_] | | | | |_____|=====| | | |_____| | ] |_____| | | |_____|=====| | | ___ |_____| |> |[___]| | | |[___]|=====| |_____|=====|_____| jgs [###########] I opened the refrigerator at work to get my lunch. Instead of my dessert, I found this note: "IOU one banana cream. Sorry, it was an emergency. Sharon." -<>- "Guess what I heard today?" a man says to his wife. "What, hon?" she asks. "I heard the mailman has seduced every woman on our block but one!" "Huh," his wife says, "I bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis next-door." -<>- On a spring break trip to Italy, my friends and I were standing just inside St. Peter's Basilica, the second largest church in the world. The tour guide explained, "This church is so large that no man on earth could hit a baseball from one end to the other, not Lou Gehrig, Babe Ruth, or even Mark McGuire." My group stared in silence at the beautiful marble sculptures, intricate paintings, and glorious mosaics all around the enormous building. Then one girl interrupted the silence with an astonished question: "You mean, they actually let them hit baseballs in here?" -<>- .--._ @`-. `-. / \ / .;;::`. |;;::' \ | .;::\ | .:;;;' _.`._ \:;;:' _.-' ) | _.-' _..-' .' _.-'' \ / .-';;;\ ` ` / `-._.@ `-._@ ` (\/) '. .'`'. .'`'. .'.__..____/-..____/`'. .'`/.'`' ` ` ` A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears. "What are you?" asks the cat. "A gnome," comes the reply. "I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, I make annoying music at night to drive them crazy, and I love mischief. And what, may I ask, are you?" The cat replies, "Um, I'm a gnome." ============================================================ >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) Spring's Coming http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/spring.html Are Angels Real? http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/angelsreal.html Blink Of An Eye http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eye.html Friendly Fire: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendly.html Holy Alphabet http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/holyalpha.html Last Day http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/lastday.html Liberty Air Show http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liberty.html Playboy Bunny Calendar http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/calendar.html Who Is This Jesus http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesus.html -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Barbican Estate http://www.barbicanliving.co.uk/ Japanese toys http://www.engrish.com/category/toys/ Japanese 20th Century Book Covers http://tinyurl.com/ln6uuk French Spiderman http://tinyurl.com/mtv5tm $1,300 Diesel Tax Credit http://tinyurl.com/nvpbzu --- ...Good Ones! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >Please Visit These to Help Add Traffic to Shangrala: Lake Fishing 2 http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=41577&s=n Fix-it-up: Kate's Adventure http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=41720&s=n Three Women http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=9017&s=n Funny Dilemma http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40873&s=n Fishing Frenzy Game http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=41574&s=n -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: History of Maple Syrup http://www.vtliving.com/maple/history.shtml National Geographic Magazine - NGM.com Via Wesley http://tinyurl.com/ylqctcr Question Everything Via Wesley http://tinyurl.com/2ybpml Why I Go To Weddings http://www.buffaloschips.com/71609.htm Why Buy Expensive Toys http://www.buffaloschips.com/71610.htm Why Girls Shouldn't Fire Handguns http://www.buffaloschips.com/72101.htm Why I Didn't Make The Olymics http://www.buffaloschips.com/72102.htm Why I Don't Fish http://www.buffaloschips.com/72103.htm Why I Was Never Late For School http://www.buffaloschips.com/72104.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The American College of Cardiology says that over-exercise can be as bad for your heart as no exercise at all. This could affect nearly two Americans." -Jay Leno "A new study says that women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol every day lose more weight than women that don't drink at all. At least, that's what your wife will slur to you after she forgets to pick up the kids from soccer practice." -Jimmy Kimmel "It was a beautiful day here in New York for the Saint Patrick's Day parade — over 60 degrees outside! I guess it's just that old 'Luck o' the Global Warming.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Here in New York, 31 life-sized statues will be placed on rooftops as part of a public art installation. That's good to know, just so I don't spend 30 minutes yelling 'Don't do it!' at a chunk of iron." -Jimmy Fallon "The Miami Herald is reporting that the city of Miami will host the next season of 'Jersey Shore' on MTV. If there's one thing the city of Miami has been lacking, it's half- naked idiots with spray tans." -Jimmy Kimmel "Here in New York City, Mayor Bloomberg is always thinking and he's come up with a plan to save gas, by having people share a cab. Personally, I don't even like sharing a cab with the driver." -David Letterman "Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity." --Frank Leahy "What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left." --Oscar Levant It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to- day basis." --Margaret Bonnano >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Pass this on as it should be of interest to all who served. The study was carried out in Austrialia on their Vietnam Veterans. ABC Nat. Radio Health Report Autralian Vietnam Vets: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/HealthReportVV.mp3 VV ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************