Old Folks And More... :) Shangy!
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>-->4 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Our first steaming hot new page is from our friends Bunni
and PatDeE. It is one that is sure to give you your awww
quota for the day. Check it out here...
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Identity Theft 5!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft5.html
---
...Awww, so cute! An Adorable series! Thanks my Friends!
Our Next Smoking hot new page is from our friends LouiseAu
and Linda. This one will tickle your funny bone as dog owners
put on their thinking caps composing some pretty ingenious
signs for their property.
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Beware Of Dog Signs
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bewareofdog.html
---
...Hilarious! Thanks Ladies.
Our last two flaming hot new pages come from our friend Linda.
With the ability now to easily compile small movies we benefit
by getting a first hand glimpse into how things we have around
us every day are actually done. Give these two pages plenty of
time to load and then be prepared to be amazed!
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Rarely Seen Things 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rarelyseen3.html
Rarely Seen Things 4
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rarelyseen4.html
---
...Fascinating! I love this series! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
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>Old Folks
Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 40, way over 40 or hovering near
40) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're
unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not
we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite
what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations
DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. In-line skates and a walker
13. Thongs and Depends
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
August 8 is Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor's Porch Day
August 9 is Book Lover's Day and Chinese Valentine's Day/Daughter's
Day
August 10 is Lazy Day and National S'mores Day
August 11 is Presidential Joke Day and Son and Daughter Day
August 12 is Middle Child's Day
August 13 is Left Hander's Day
August 14 is National Creamsicle Day and V-J Day [end of WWII]
August 15 Relaxation Day and V-J Day [end of WWII]
August 16 is National Tell a Joke Day
August 17 National Thrift shop Day
August 18 Bad Poetry Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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`-' `-' Stef00 `./ \,'
>Tanning
Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under
the lights a bit long and the protective goggles I wore left a big
white circle around each eye. Gazing at myself in the mirror the
next day, I thought, "Man, I look like a clown."
I had almost convinced myself that I was overreacting until I got
in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt and looked
down to see a toddler staring up at me. He asked, "Are you giving
out balloons?"
-<>-
>Twins
A friend of mine gets peeved when passers-by pat his twin
three-year-olds on the head and ask, "Are they twins?" But he has
found what he considers the perfect reply. "No, they're not," he
says. "I've got two wives."
-------
Tom's note: I have twin sons (they are adults now) and I noticed
that when they were toddlers, most people would ask, "Are they
twins?"
Here's two little boys dressed alike and being transported in
identical strollers. What would you think? Actually, the only
people who noticed that they were twins were the people who had
twins themselves.
-<>-
>Chemical Cooking
The Chemists' Recipe for Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
1.) 532.35 cm3 gluten
2.) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3.) 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4.) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5.) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6.) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7.) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8.) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9.) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10.) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall
heat-transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients
one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor
vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add
ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is
homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three
equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally,
add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care
must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any
temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic
reaction. Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place
the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a
176.6666667C oven for a period of time that is in agreement with
Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55),
or until golden brown. Once the reation is complete, place the sheet
on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to
equilibrium.
-<>-
>Just Speak Louder
(This was seen on the Deaf Joke of the Month web page, and they
claim it came from a Swedish deaf discussion group.)
Two deaf men were talking (signing) on their coffee break, about
being out late the night before. The first man said," My wife was
asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed and not
get into trouble."
The second deaf man said, "Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide
awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and
yelling for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So what did you do?"
"I turned out the light," the second man replied.
-<>-
>Art Project
I am a first-grade teacher and a new empty nester. One night I was
trying out an art project: making a person with simple materials.
I took a coat hanger, attached a paper-plate face, put a shirt on
the hanger and stuffed it. Then I sat it on the couch to see how
it looked.
Later that evening my adult son walked in the door, home for a
surprise visit. Taking one look at my coat-hanger friend sitting
on the couch, he said, "Mom, it's not that bad, is it?"
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
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-Roland
>Jokes
To pass the time while our plane was being de-iced, the flight
attendants played a trivia game with the passengers. They asked
us to guess the total number of years the three of them had
worked for the airlines.
After an attendant collected our estimates, we heard the
announcement: "The correct answer is 26 years. For the two people
who came closest with 28 years, we have prizes. And for the
passenger in seat 12F who guessed 85 years, would you please meet
us at the exit door once we are airborne?"
--------
During our travels as a training team, my husband and I stayed
overnight with a single lady in her mobile home. Before retiring,
my husband thought he should check the hot water provisions since
all three of us needed to attend an early meeting the next morning.
He asked our hostess if there would be enough hot water for more
than one shower in the morning. "I really don't know," she
admitted. "I've never taken two in a row!"
--------
"I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist," said the employer
to the applicant. "Why did you leave?"
"Well," she replied, "I just couldn't win. If I was late to work, I
was hostile. If I was early, I had an anxiety complex. If I was on
time, I was compulsive."
--------
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called
a repairman to take a look at it.
"When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired.
Mr. Gable scowled, "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish
my soup!"
--------
A preacher stood up before his congregation and said, "I have so
much to say, I don't know where to begin."
Someone in the pew shouted, "How about somewhere close to the end."
--------
Few people realize that George Washington was originally from Texas
-- West Texas, to be exact. The family had a lone mesquite tree in
their yard. One day George cut it down. When his father came home,
he saw the tree was cut down and asked George if he had cut down
the lone mesquite tree. George said, "Father, I cannot tell a lie.
I cut down the mesquite tree." Whereupon, his father called out to
Mrs. Washington, "Get packed, dear. We are moving to Virginia.
George is never going to make it in Texas if he can't tell a lie."
---
...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
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>Funnies
Little Rodney, 4 years old, walked down the beach, and as he did,
he spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the
sand. He walked up to her and asked, "Are you a Christian?"
"Yes," she replied.
"Do you read your Bible every day?"
She nodded her head, "Yes."
"Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she answered,
"Yes."
With that he asked his final question, "Will you hold my quarter
while I go swimming?"
--------
Billy, our five-year-old grandson, helped do yardwork and was paid
$4. Later, his mother brought him to the toy store. Billy looked
over a rack of action figures, asked how much they cost, then
remarked, "It's a good thing I'm working." - Contributed by Sandra S.
Jonaitis
--------
My employment search preoccupied our family for months. One day my
husband told our three boys that to make things easier for me, he
had a list of jobs for them. They were all silent until our
six-year-old spoke up: "When are the interviews?" - Contributed by
Brenda Cobb
--------
While replacing some roof tiles, my friend fell from a ladder. His
ankle broken, he called out for help - and his neighbor's four-year-
old came to his side. "Don't worry," she said, disappearing into her
house. Minutes later she returned in her nurse's outfit, carrying a
medical bag. -Contributed by Peter Brooks
-<>-
>The Howling
Several years ago, I had the distinct pleasure once of keeping my
mother's cat Sinbad for 6 days while she was out of town. We decided
it would be easier for her to bring me Sinbad (I live in a different
town and at the time was going to college, so couldn't drive the
half- hour to spend time with him). During the day, he was fine.
He'd sit in the floor-to-ceiling window that I had and look out at
all the movement. As a "country cat" visiting the "big city" (just
an apartment parking lot, but more activity than HE had ever seen),
he found it endlessly fascinating.
And then, there were the nights.
On the first night, I had JUST started to drop off when I hear
this....sound. The closest thing I can come to describing it would be
a banshee (ban-sidhe, however you want to spell it) with a sore
throat. He was WARBLING this hideous sound.
PRRRRRR***OOOOOOOOOWWWWWRRRRRRR***. He did this ALL. NIGHT. LONG.
I tried EVERYTHING from cuddling to threatening to spanking to
feeding to leaving the lights on. NOTHING. WORKED. For 5 days, I had
to get whatever sleep I could steal between his horrible shrieks of
loneliness.
On the 6th night, he was FINE. My mother, of course, doesn't believe
this to this day. How could her sweet adorable fluffy-wuffums
POSSIBLY make a sound quite capable of waking the dead? I must have
been exaggerating.
Copyright © Gary Henderson
January 27, 1998
---
...LOL! Thanks Bunni!
---
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...Every time I would leave our dog at home, I'd come back home
to find my husband and him howling together. They missed me! LOL!
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
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>THE QUESTION:
Do you like getting older?
I can hit the golf ball any way I can and laugh if it goes in
the lake. Them's the breaks. I'm just happy I can still hit that
golf ball.
I am forwarding this to those on my Seniors email list because
it is so well written. Please send back. ( I did ) It's neat.
Don't delete this one, you'll laugh when you see the return
message.
As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of
myself. I've become my own friend.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon;
before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the
computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with
myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 & 70's, and if I,
at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.
I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a
bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I
choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They,
too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life
is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the
important things.
Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart
not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers,
or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But,
broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding,
and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile,
and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair
turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched
into deep grooves on my face.
So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their
hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about
what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've
even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free.
I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever,
but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what
could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat
dessert every single day (if I feel like it).
MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT
FROM THE HEART!
---
...Aww, a good one! Thanks Geniann!
===========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[Politics]
From IntellectualTakeout:
http://tinyurl.com/z2jhfln
From RightAlerts:
http://rightalerts.com/
Report: Crooked Hillary's Shady Server Claims Its First Victim
http://tinyurl.com/zqttkaf
American Action News
http://americanactionnews.com/
Navy Set to Honor Homosexual Predator
http://www.afa.net/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
A teenager was arrested after he managed to get some
information about workers at Hooters in an clever,
albeit illegal way.
Police in Michigan, said that the teenager pretended to be
a police officer when he entered the store.
18-year-old Nicholas M. Fuhst is accused of impersonating
a police officer in order to get the personal information
so he can cozy up to Hooters waitresses on Facebook.
Fuhst walked into the Hooters in Kochville Township, and
announced that he was an undercover officer. He then asked
to see a list of all the people who worked there.
Because apparently Kochville has a habit of hiring teenaged
undercover detectives.
He took some time to look over the list and he circled the
names of the women he was interested in. He then asked for
more information on those specific employees.
That is when workers began to be suspicious and called police.
"He indicated that he went to Hooters because he wanted to
talk to the women to see if they would be friends with him
on Facebook," Chief Assistant Prosecutor Christopher Boyd
said.
Fuhst was arrested, and he faces up to four years in prison
for the felony charge of impersonating a police officer.
-<>-
A skydiver plummeted 25,000 feet without a parachute Saturday
over Simi Valley, Calif. - on purpose.
Luke Aikins landed squarely in the center of a 100-foot by
100-foot, two-tiered net designed to catch him. He was
traveling 120 miles per hour upon landing, CNN reported.
The stunt Aikins calls "Heaven Sent" makes him the world
record holder for the highest jump.
Aikins appeared to soar effortlessly above the California
desert, arms extended for about two minutes.
Just before landing, he rolled on to his back, then plunked
into the net, remaining motionless as it was lowered to the
ground, at which point he stood and hugged his wife.
Using only the air currents, he completed the free fall to
land on the high-tech net.
Aikins said during a broadcast of the stunt that he'd been
preparing for it for two years, The 42-year-old had
previously completed 18,000 parachute jumps and performed
a variety of stunts. He has appeared on Iron Man 3.
"Everyone is calling this my 'coming-out jump,' which is
ironic considering I've been skydiving since the age of 16,"
Aikins said in a press release he issued prior to the jump.
He is a third-generation skydiver and his family owns Skydive
Kapowsin near Tacoma, Wash.
Aikins is also a safety and training advisor for the United
States Parachute Association. He teaches advanced skydiving
techniques to military Special Forces.
*----- Dogs Drive owner's Car Into Walmart -----*
A West Virginia Walmart employee said a car that drove toward
her in the parking lot before colliding with the building
had a presumably unlicensed driver -- a dog. The witness said
she was standing Friday in front of the Walmart in Wayne when
she noticed a car pull out of a parking space and slowly
start rolling toward her. The woman said she thought the
driver might be someone she knew pulling a prank, but she got
out of the way of the vehicle when she saw who was sitting
in the driver's seat -- a dog. The car crashed into the store
at a slow speed and came to a rest. A second dog in the
passenger seat of the car somehow managed to roll down a
window after the crash, the woman said. She said the owner of
the car, an elderly woman, was paged to the front of the
store. The owner said she had left the car running so the air
conditioning would safeguard the dogs from the summer heat.
A Walmart employee said damage to the car and building was
minimal. The dogs were not injured.
*-- Canadian Gunman was Really Terminator Cutout --*
Police in Canada shared that an alert about a man with a gun
turned out to be a case of mistaken identity. Toronto police
tweeted an update about a man with a gun, as they reported
police were on the scene with no injuries. The post was
updated about eight minutes later as police reported that
the "man" was actually a cardboard cutout of Arnold
Schwarzenegger's character from Terminator. "Grange Ave and
Augusta Ave police on scene have located a Terminator cutout
holding a gun," they wrote. Police poked some fun at the
situation by ending the post with the hashtag #IllBeBack.
*------------------- Open Wide -------------------*
You have heard about surgeons occasionally leaving an
instrument or a sponge inside of a patient, but if you
thought you would be safe from this kind of mishap at the
dentist, think again. An Illinois man was awarded $675,000
after a tool his dentist misplaced during a root canal
turned up inside his body a few days later. Janus Pawlowicz
said he went to his long-time dentist, Dr. Beata Kozar-
Warchalowska in Des Plaines, about two years ago for a root
canal procedure, and the dentist told him after the surgery
that one of her tools had gone missing. "The dentist, on
the day of the procedure, knew that she dropped a tool but
didn't know what happened to it. She looked around the room
and couldn't find it," said Rob Kohen, Pawlowicz's attorney
said. "She told me when she found it, she will be calling
me," Pawlowicz said. However, he said he never received a
phone call, and a few days later he was hospitalized with
sharp pains in his stomach. Doctors discovered the dentist's
missing tool had fallen down Pawlowicz's throat and ended up
lodged in his stomach. The tool, called a barbed breach, was
removed via emergency surgery.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friends Cloie And PatDeE :)
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`|__|oo|__|' |__| |__| |__;__;__;__| |__| |__| `|__|oo|__|'
"" "" ___________
"" "" "" / \
/"" WELCOME \
/ "" \
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AMC
>The Fence Test
You can't get any more accurate than this!
This is straight forward country thinking..
by Jeff Foxworthy
Which side of the fence? If you ever wondered which side of the
fence you sit on, this is a great test!
If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned
for everyone.
If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his
situation.
If a Democrat is down-and-out he wonders who is going to take care
of him.
If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
A Democrat demands that those they don't like be shut down.
If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion
silenced.
If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about
shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
If a Democrat decides he needs health care, he demands that the
rest of us pay for his.
If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can
have a good laugh.
A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".
Well, I forwarded it.
---
...LOL! Thanks My Friends!
=============================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
[Politics]
>Obama
Jack Wheeler is a brilliant man who was the author of Reagan's
strategy to break the back of the Soviet Union with the star wars
race and expose their inner weakness. For years he wrote a weekly
intelligence update that was extremely interesting and well
structured and informative. He consults(ed) with several mega
corporations on global trends and the future, etc. He is in
semi-retirement now. He is a true patriot with a no-nonsense
approach to everything. He is also a somewhat well-known mountain
climber and adventurer.
Written by Dr. Jack Wheeler
The O-man, Barack Hussein Obama, is an eloquently tailored empty
suit. No resume, no accomplishments, no experience, no original
ideas, no understanding of how the economy works, no understanding
of how the world works, no balls, nothing but abstract, empty
rhetoric devoid of real substance.
He has no real identity. He is half-white, which he rejects. The
rest of him is mostly Arab, which he hides but is disclosed by his
non-African Arabic surname and his Arabic first and middle names as
a way to triply proclaim his Arabic parentage to people in Kenya.
Only a small part of him is African Black from his Luo grandmother,
which he pretends he is exclusively.
What he isn't, not a genetic drop of, is 'African-American,' the
descendant of enslaved Africans brought to America chained in
slave ships. He hasn't a single ancestor who was a slave. Instead,
his Arab ancestors were slave owners. Slave-trading was the main
Arab business in East Africa for centuries until the British ended
it.
Let that sink in: Obama is not the descendant of slaves, he is the
descendant of slave owners. Thus he makes the perfect Liberal
Messiah.
It's something Hillary doesn't understand - how some complete
neophyte came out of the blue and stole the Dem nomination from
her. Obamamania is beyond politics and reason. It is a true
religious cult, whose adherents reject Christianity yet still
believe in Original Sin, transferring it from the evil of being
human to the evil of being white.
Thus Obama has become the white liberals' Christ, offering
absolution from the Sin of Being White. There is no reason or
logic behind it, no faults or flaws of his can diminish it, no
arguments Hillary could make of any kind can be effective against
it. The absurdity of Hypocrisy Clothed In Human Flesh being their
Savior is all the more cause for liberals to worship him: Credo
quia absurdum, I believe it because it is absurd.
Thank heavens that the voting majority of Americans remain
Christian and are in no desperate need of a phony savior.
He is ridiculous and should not be taken seriously by any
thinking American.
And yet he got elected, not once but twice. Thanks to those that
did not think it was important to vote for freedom and those that
were willing to give up their freedoms for entitlements. Remember
you don't have to be on a southern plantation to be a slave, if
you are dependent on government entitlements you just have a
different slave owner.
PASS THIS ON TO EVERY THINKING AMERICAN YOU KNOW !
---
...This is so true! Thanks PatDeE!
Oh, and the total hypocrisy of this all is that Obama had the
audacity to come out saying Trump was not fit to be President!
Look at him!
In 2008 Obama campaign ad stated that Hillary Clinton 'will say
anything and do nothing,' - now some how she is the most fit!
Politics! Obama has sold America out for it!
http://tinyurl.com/j39e4mc
-<>-
I am not a crook!
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>Origin of Political Parties and the Structure of Society
LESSON #1
For those who don't know about history ... Here is a condensed
version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during
the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster
in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention
of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to
get man to the beer.
These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were
the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum
can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting
around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to
the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of
what is known as the Conservative movement...
Other men who were less skilled at hunting learned to live off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing
the cooking, sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the
beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They
became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy,
group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish
but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are
standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side
note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than
their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists,
dreamers in Hollywood, and group therapists are liberals. Liberals
invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make
the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Coors, Bud or Miller.
They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives
are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction
workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers,
corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline
pilots, and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want
to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why
most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business
of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to
angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded
immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just
to piss them off.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self...
I'm going to have another beer.
-<>-
>EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50
1. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you
have plenty of room at each side.
2. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms
straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as
you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for
just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
Then try 50-lb potato bags, and then eventually try to get
to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and
hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
(I'm at this level.)
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in
each bag.
-<>-
>Retirement
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for a senior who still works
and refuses to retire?
Answer: Nuts
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement,
attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult
kids will want to store stuff there. Or move back in there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break…spiked !
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school
as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work,
but misses the people he worked with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
---
>*SERENITY*
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied..
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?'
the reporter asked
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees,
fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't
hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different
medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm
85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got
my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start
exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for
an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was
over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher
she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes
scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not
as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'
-<>-
>*THE SENILITY PRAYER :*
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6,
maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends
if you can remember who they are!
*Always Remember This:*
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing*
---
...LOL! Thanks PatDeE!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
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"Did you give the prisoner the third degree?" the police
sergeant asked the detective.
"Yeah, we browbeat him pretty good," nodded the other.
"Asked him every question we could think of."
"And did you get a confession?" asked the sergeant.
"Not exactly," explained the officer. "All he'd say was,
'Yes dear,' and dozed off."
-<>-
A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I
born?"
The father answers, "Well son, I guess one day you will need
to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a
chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your
Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.. We sneaked into a secluded
room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to
a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to
upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a
firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button,
nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: "You
got male!"
-<>-
Three guys are debating which of their languages is the most
pleasing to the ear.
The Italian says, "Consider the phrase, 'I love you.' In
Italian, it is: 'Ti amo'. What a lovely sound!"
The French guy says, "True, but in French it is 'Je t'adore'.
An even more beautiful sound!"
"Unt vat's wrong vit: 'Ick leiber dick?" asks the German.
-<>-
At the Olympics a man walked up to a competitor who was
carrying a very long pole.
"Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"
"Nein, I am not a Pole, I am German, but how did you know my
name ist Walter?"
-<>-
"YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY..."
"Everything Comes In Threes" - Not true. In reality, every-
thing comes in ones. Sometimes, when three "ones" come in a
row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way,
in medieval times, it was widely believed that everything
came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took
them longer to recognize the pattern.
"You Can't Take It With You (when you die)" - Well..., that
depends on what it is. If it's your dark blue suit, you can
certainly take it with you. In fact, not only can you take
it with you, you can probably put some things in your pockets.
"You Learn Something New Every Day" - Actually, you learn
something old every day. Just because you've just learned
it, doesn't mean it's new. Other people already knew it,
Columbus is a good example of this.
"You Get What You Pay For" - Clearly this is not true. Have
you been shopping recently? Only a very naive person would
believe that you get what you pay for. In point of fact, if
you check your purchases carefully, you'll find that you get
whatever they feel like giving you. And if corporations get
any more powerful, you soon might not even get that.
"NICE GUYS FINISH LAST" - Not true. Studies have shown that,
on average, nice guys finish third in a field of six.
Actually, short guys finish last. By the way, in medieval
times, it was widely believed that nice guys finished twenty-
sixth. You can see how limited those people were.
-<>-
Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers
burst in.
While one of the robbers takes the money from the tellers,
the other lines the customers, including the lawyers, up
against a wall, and proceeds to take their wallets, watches,
etc.
While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in
lawyer number two's hand. Without looking down, lawyer number
two whispers, "What is this?"
To which the first lawyer replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."
=========================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
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** "I do not want to get to the end of my life and find out that
I have just lived the length of it, I want to have lived the width
of it as well" ~Diane Ackerman
~~~~~~GIVING/ABUNDANCE
** "It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life,
that no man can sincerely try to help another without
helping himself." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
** "Always give without remembering and always receive without
forgetting." -- Brian Tracy
** "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by
what we give." -- Norman MacEwan
** "Giving is the greatest way to receive." -- Rick Beneteau
** 'Laughter can relieve tension, soothe the pain of
disappointment, and strengthen the spirit for the formidable
tasks that always lie ahead.' -Dwight D. Eisenhhower-
-<>-
>** Andy Says... Just Think About This! **
"Americans are definitely getting stronger.
Thirty years ago it took two people to carry ten dollars
worth of groceries. Today, a five year old can do it."
~ Source Unknown
Each day, and the living of it, has to be a conscious creation
in which discipline and order are relieved with some play and
pure foolishness.
-May Sarton
"Real friends are those who, when you feel you've
made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a
permanent job." -- Anonymous
"I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to."
-- Anonymous
"Lead your life so you won't be ashamed to sell the
family parrot to the town gossip." -- Anonymous
-<>-
>Simple rules for women that will help us all get along better
(Andy says... some are old... some are new, but it's just for
fun anyway!)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If
it’s up, put it down.
2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not
quests to see If we can find the perfect present
yet again!
3. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live
with it!
4. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the
shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
5. Sunday=sports like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
6. Shopping is N0T a sport and no, we are never
going to think of it that way.
7. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really!
8. Crying is blackmail.
9. Ask for what you want Let us be clear on this
one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do
not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
10 We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently
beforehand.
11. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What
makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which
pairs out of thirty would look good with your dress?
12. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
13. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solv-
ing it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girl-
friends are for.
14. A headache that lasts for l7 months is a problem See
a doctor.
15. Check your oil! Please. (My personal favorite!...hehehe)
16. Anything we said 6 months ago is in-admissable in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.
18. If you wont dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we
meant the other one.
20. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
21. You can either ask us how to do something or tell us how
you want it done....not both! If you already know best how to
do it just do it yourself.
22. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during commercials.
23. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.
24. The relationship is never going to be like it was the
first two months we were going out Get over it! And
quit whining about it to your girlfriends.
25. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what
mauve is.
26. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
27. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our
lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little
we care about you.
28. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we
will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
29. I’m in shape. ROUND is a shape.
-<>-
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>THE SPIDER
I paused last night on my porch to look at a garden spider
Weaving her web. I watched as she gently yet expertly wove the
suspension lines and the lines which would entrap any insects
unwary enough to wander into the gossamer threads. She spent a
great deal of time making sure everything was perfect before
centering herself in the middle of her work.
By morning, as the sun began to creep over the horizon, this
Spider moves to the fringes of her web, so carefully constructed
the night before and snips the supporting lines to let it fall
to the ground. She repeats this every day until the end of her
life.
The spider does not try to hold on to each day's work. Instead,
She lets it fall away so that she may build anew each and every
day.
We should heed her lesson in our lives. Our past failures
should Not be dwelled on so that we can make room for the new
opportunities of success. Each new day brings with it renewed
hope that where we failed yesterday, we will succeed today.
- Author Unknown
-<>-
>Short Takes
"Doc, I always have the feeling that people don't like me and
that they're out to get me. Does that mean I have an inferiority
complex or a persecution complex?"
"Neither. It means your personality stinks."
=========
>Second Opinion
A man has not been feeling well and goes to the doctor for
a check up. After the physical examination and a battery of
blood tests and X-rays, he asks the doctor about his situation.
The doctor replies, "You are very sick. You might not
live longer than perhaps three or four months."
The man, in despair, yet, with a glimpse of hope says, "If you
don't mind, doctor, I would like to have a second opinion."
"Okay," the doctor answers, "you're ugly, too!"
=========
A Swiss guy visiting Sydney, Australia, pulls up at a bus stop
where two locals are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Aussies just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue
to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?"
No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first Aussie
turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a
foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it
didn't do him any good."
-<>-
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>OLD AND CONFUSED
One evening a son was talking to his father about current events.
He asked what he thought about the shootings at schools, the
computer age, and just things in general. The dad replied, "Well,
let me think a minute ... I was born before television, penicillin,
polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the
pill.
There was no radar, credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens.
Man had not invented pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers,
(clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air) electric blankets,
air conditioners, and he hadn't walked on the moon.
Your Mom and I got married first -- and then lived together.
Every family had a father and a mother, and every boy over 14 had
a rifle that his dad taught him how to use and respect. And they
went hunting and fishing together.
Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, 'Sir' and after
I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title,
'Sir.'
Sundays were set aside for going to church as a family, helping
those in need, and visiting with family or neighbors. (I miss that
most)
We were before, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers,
and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten
Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.
We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and
to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living here was a bigger
privilege.
We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a
meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.
Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the
evening breeze started.
Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings
and weekends -- not purchasing condominiums.
We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric
typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to the
Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radio.
And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening
to Tommy Dorsey.
If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk. The
term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.
Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. We had
5 & 10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and
10 cents. Ice cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and
a Pepsi were all a nickel.
And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on
enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.
In my day, 'grass' was mowed, 'coke' was a cold drink, 'pot' was
something your mother cooked in, and 'rock music' was your
grandmother's lullaby.
'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office, 'chip' meant a piece
of wood, 'hardware' was found in a hardware store, and 'software'
wasn't even a word.
And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady
needed a husband to have a baby.
No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a
generation gap ... and I am only in my 70's.
-<>-
>And ON AGING ** (Andy says... A repeat to go along with the above)
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get
old is when we're kids?
If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging
that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a
half." You're never 36 and a half... you're four and a half going
on 5.
You get into your teens; now they can't hold you back. You jump
into the next number. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16."
Then the great day of your life; you become 21. Even the words
sound like a ceremony. You BECOME 21...Yes!!!
Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad
milk. HE TURNED; we had to throw him out. What's wrong? What
changed? You BECOME 21; you TURN 30.
Then you're PUSHING 40.... stay over there. You REACH 50.
So you BECOME 21; you TURN 30; you're PUSHING 40; you REACH 50;
then you MAKE IT to 60.
By then you've built up so much speed, you HIT 70. After that,
it's a day by day thing. You HIT Wednesday...
You get into you're 80's; you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30.
My grandmother won't even buy green bananas. "Well, it's an
investment, you know, and maybe a bad one."
And it doesn't end there...
Into the 90's, you start going backwards. "I was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you
become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half."
And remember - growing old is only mind over matter:
if you don't mind, it don't matter...
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Animation Library
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html
Back In Time
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/backintime.html
Menu Bloopers!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menubloopers.html
Funny, Isn't It?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/funny.html
Life's Little Oops 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops3.html
Sweet Little Pad!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/homepad.html
Mabel The Chicken!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chicken.html
Right Angle!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/anglephoto.html
The Wild Ones
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildones.html
Toyger Mini Tiger!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/minitiger.html
'Why Me'? Moments!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whyme.html
World Of Big Cats!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigcats.html
Mule VS Lion
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mulelion.html
Hoppy The Deer
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hoppy.html
Thailand's Tigers 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tiger2.html
-<>-
>Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :)
Fun Pages
http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
This story comes to us from San Francisco, where a cat has turned
to a life of crime, and has rained terror on the neighborhood,
stealing from the neighbors and collecting quite the heap of
stolen goods, before being caught red pawed on camera!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qSLvkskXFA&feature=player_embedded
Comedy illusionists Scott & Muriel totally amazed and entertained
the audience and judges at the 32nd Monte Carlo International
Circus Festival.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwnXwIGaXco&feature=player_embedded
---
...HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Bunni :)
She sent us ones we have here...
Horticultural exhibitions fills the Montreal Botanical Garden
with blooms. Spectacular living works in two and three dimensions,
produced by the best horticultural artists in the world, creates
an enchantment for the entire family...
Montreal Gardens
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montreal.html
Montreal Mosaicultures Show
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montrealshow.html
Montreal Mosaicultures Show 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montrealshow2.html
---
...Spectacular! Thanks Bunni!
About Dogs and People
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aboutdogs.html
Trivia Facts 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviafacts3.html
A Little More Trivia
Here's some things I didn't know. When you see the picture of Pete
the Pup, the dog with the circle around his eye, it is not hair,
but was placed there by a make up artist. Who was the make up
artist? A young man named Max Factor.
This makes a great trivia question at a party.
Only us vintage people would remember. SPANKY & OUR GANG. Some
things I bet a lot of you didn't know, I certainly didn't!
What ever happened to those people? See here to find out:
http://www.tvparty.com/50rascals3.html
Dogs Hate Baths
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4LnorVVxfw
Dogs Really Hate Baths
http://tinyurl.com/jeucdtu
Dance Alcohol Test Gag
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52YQ05jEIMw
CAT Super Skateboarding Adventure! (With Lyrics)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWnAGuxSGY4&feature=share
---
...LOL! Cool! Thanks Bunni!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"In a survey of 35 cities, Los Angeles ranked second-to-last
in intelligence. Residents of L.A. were outraged after the
report was slowly explained to them." -Conan O'Brien
"A skydiver in California just became the first person to
jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a parachute
and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines calls that,
'Business Class.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"Trump tweeted a photograph last night showing him feasting
on Kentucky Fried Chicken with a knife and fork. I don't
know who's advising him. Who eats KFC with a knife and fork?
I don't even need a plate. The reason it comes in a bucket
is you don't need anything. All you need is a face to eat
KFC." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Verizon has purchased Yahoo and plans to merge it with
AOL. Verizon said its goal is to become the RC Cola of the
internet." -Conan O'Brien
"A new study finds that Americans have on average become
several inches shorter in the past 100 years. But scientists
say it's mainly because we're all looking down at our
phones." -Jimmy Fallon
"Some sad news today in the world of technology, because it
was announced that the last company to commercially produce
VCRs, Funai Electric of Japan, will discontinue selling VHS
cassette tape players this month. For those of you who don't
know what a VCR is, it's that large digital clock underneath
your great-aunt's TV." -James Corden
"Legal experts are saying it's only a matter of time before
someone uses Pokemon Go as an excuse for committing a crime.
At least then we'll get to hear the first lawyer ever to
use the 'Squirtle Defense.'" -Conan O'Brien
"Bill Clinton said he watched all six Police Academy movies
with his daughter Chelsea, which got awkward when Chelsea
was like, 'That wasn't me.'" -James Corden
"A British Airways flight had to make an emergency landing
recently after the cabin strongly smelled like marijuana.
Even worse, the pilot was flying at, like, 5 miles per
hour." -Seth Meyers
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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