Old People Rock & More ... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
===========================
>-->In The Shangy News:
I managed to scoop this page out of my hat Sunday - Thanks to
our friend Steve! A delightful story caught on camera!
_,-""`""-~`)
(`~ \
| a a \
; o ; ___ _,,,,_ _.-~'.
\ `^` /`_.-"~ `~-;` \
\_ _ .' `, |
|`- \'__/
/ ,_ \ `'-.
/ .-""~~--. `"-, ;_ /
| \ \ | `""`
\__.--'`"-. /_ |'
`"` `~~~---.., |
jgs \ _.-'`-.
\ \
'. /
`"~"`
Polar Bear Encounter
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/polar.html
Polar Bear
-<>-
.=gp.
.'/$$$$
|| "TP"
|| .:
|| .-' |
|| .-' |
|| | !____
|| | .-' .-'
|| '.____.-'(
|| \ / /__\
|| )(
|::| /__\ fsc
|::|
I spent most of the evenings Friday and Sunday on the Bible Study
pages and came to a conclusion - I've got a lot of these! So far
I have 92 of them done but not finished. They refer so much to
each other, that I feel it is important for them to have a menu
available on each of them to access the other teachings. So all
the pages must be done first before I can add the full menu to
them. I still have many more to do. Once these are all done,
you will have a nice selection to pick and choose from according
to your own particular needs and desires.
I suppose that is why I haven't put these up sooner. I've been
wanting to get the Bible Study teachings up for over a year now.
But I knew they would be a challenge. Like they say - a job worth
doing is worth doing well - so I want to make sure to do it right.
For now, all I can say is 'I'm Working on it!' :)
Here are a few more for your Pleasure:
BibleStudy: God's Calling
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/godscalling.html
BibleStudy: Trust In The Lord
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/trustinthelord.html
BibleStudy: Modern Sayings
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/modernsayings.html
-<>-
>I added photos to our group here:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Thank You Maxy's Pal, Del, And Steve for Sharing With Us!!
==================================================================
>-->From The FunnyBone: The Personality Test
A psychology student was to help a professor in conducting a
personality test. The room was set up with various props in order
to move through the assessment quickly. The first person to enter
the room started through the test.
.-'''''-.
"How does this glass of water look to you?" |'-----'|
Person 1: It is half empty |-.....-|
Student writes 'pessimist' in his report. |::. |
|::. |
Person 2 enters the room. |:::. |
|::::. |
"How does this glass of water look to you?" |::::::.|
Person 2: It is half full. jgs `'-----'`
Student writes 'optimist' in his report
Person 3 enters the room.
"How does this glass of water look to you?"
Person 3: Looks like you have twice as much glass as you need there.
The student looks totally blank and goes to consult with the
professor.
"Oh them!", the professor says, "I forgot to warn you about the
engineers! They have no personality."
====================================================================
.-..-.
(-o/\o-)
/`""``""`\
\ /.__.\ /
\ `--` /
`) ('
, /::::\ ,
|'.\::::/.'|
_| ';::;' |_
(::) || (::) _.
"| || |" _(:)
'. || .' /::\
'._||_.' \::/
/::::\ /:::\
\::::/ _\:::/
/::::\_.._ _.._ _.._ _.._/::::\
\::::/::::\/::::\/::::\/::::\::::/
jgs `""`\::::/\::::/\::::/\::::/`""`
`""` `""` `""` `""`
------------------- Bizarre Book Titles --------------------+
Come Again, Nurse
By Jane Grant
Robert Hale, 1960
The Joy of Chickens
By Dennis Nolan
Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 1981
'A history and celebration of the chicken, rare and
common' (Publisher's catalogue)
The Golden Fountain: Complete Guide to Urine Therapy
By Coen van der Kroon
Banbury: Amethyst Books, 1996
What to Say When You Talk to Yourself
By Shad Helmstetter
Scottsdale, Ariz,: Grindle Press, 1982
Life and Love in the Aquarium
By C.H. Peters
New York: Empire Tropical Fish Import Co., 1934
Rubbing Along in Burmese
By Anon
Simla: Directorate of Welfare and
Education, Adjutant General's Branch GHQ, 1944
Careers in Dope
By Dan Waldrof
Englewood Cliffs, NJ:
Prentice-Hall, 1973
Movie Stars in Bathtubs
By Jack Scagnetti
Middle Village, NY: Jonathan David Publishers, 1975
================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Steve :)
>A Five Year Project:
If you like to.......... see"A Five Year Project The reinvention of Bill
Laird's 50 ' Lake Powell Boat".
I'll apologize in advance for the poor quality of some of the
photo's and one I missed downsizing. Many were old Polaroid's. Most
are not bad. This is a longer blog than usual.
http://grantsemporium.blogspot.com/
---
...Cool! A Lot of work done here! Thanks Steve!
-<,,>-
.
_.:/ )
_ .-Q `._
'\(o7/' o(.__ '-.
`.( ).' `_/ )
H ._ '-._.' kOs
w ( \ /
\ '. .' )
Gee, I FEEL KINDA SMART RIGHT NOW !!!
If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and
read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was
selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because i f we were supposed to live forever, then we
would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not
live forever,'
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all
over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like
that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
--Mariah Carey
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,'
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my
body,'
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball
forward.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest
crime rates in the country,'
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a
jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'
--A congressional candidate in Texas .
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
--Al Gore, Vice President
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix '
-- Dan Quayle
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do
we need ?'
--Lee Iacocca
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is
a guy like Norman Einstein.'
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people.'
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor .
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992
because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You
may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from
overseas.'
--Keppel Enderbery
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at
night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the
night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a
record.'
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Feeling smarter yet?
Send it on to your brilliant friends.
_ooo--.
@@@=@MMM\.`,_.',-
_.\X/"/" \ 33,
===A | \ P""B
/@,_ ( __,/""\.M\
|; \"/\"_,/ / .'.A
\,\._><-__./ "V I just did !!
\F _ a_3R"---,.
_>"# _ )
( / .@J /
) / / )
( | \ /,
| \ `,._,/ ___
"=\, ]@7,.n| P @\
7-______. \____., .)
/ / \ \ \WWW/
| | | | ""'
___ / \. ,/ \._
/" """ \ ( """"\
|( ___.-' "--. \)
""-`"""" `--(__)/
Stephen Unwin
-<*->-
IS it - OR Isn't It?
Stop by and help me decide. Let me know what you think.
http://rgrantsemporium.blogspot.com/2007/10/is-it-bushy-or-imposter.ht
----
...Nice! Thanks Steve!
====================================================================
>-->From The SermondFodder:
ALL GIRLS?
_ _ _ _
//|\ //|\ //|\ //|\
c_"/ c_"/ c_"/ c_"/
__/\__ /\__ /\ /\
/ \ /\ \ /\/\ /\/\
/____\ /____\ /____\ /____\
S-v /l ll l\ ll
When my daughter, Kelli, was 3, she and my son, Cody, would say their
nightly prayers, together. As most children do, we have to bless
every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and
past).
For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli
would say, "And all girls."
As this soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this at
the end, my curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why
do you always add the part about all girls?"
Her response, "Because we always finish our prayers by saying 'All
Men'!"
===
>From the Sermon Fodder List. To get a regular
dose of Christian humor and a modern-day parable drop
a note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this
attached if you forward to friends or post it on the net.
==================================================
Worth Repeating....
Who is more irrational? A man who believes in a God he doesn't see,
or a man who is offended by a God he doesn't believe in.
----Christian Comedian Brad Stine
www.bradstine.com
==================================================
October is Pastor Appreciation Montt. I almost forgot.
Here are some ideas for celebrating Clergy Appreciation at
http://www.pastor-appreciation.net/
Yeah, it's late, but not too late.
--the Sermon Fodder Guy
================================================
October is Pastor Appreciation Month
Your Church Needs To Express Love and Appreciation To Be A Healthy
Church
I believe that pastor appreciation is the sign of a healthy church
and healthy churches want to pay tribute to their pastor through
loving acts of appreciation.
Biblically, pastor appreciation is a concept that appears throughout
the pages of scripture.
Ultimately, clergy appreciation by a congregation is an expression of
gratitude to God for their pastor. Honoring the pastor reveals more
about a congregation than it does about the pastor.
Your church's expression of gratitude for your pastor and his or her
ministry efforts can be one of the most effective demonstrations to
your community that your church is indeed a loving church.
May the greatest clergy appreciation gift given by your church be the
gift of a healthy church, ready to share God's love not only with
your pastor but with your community.
31 Daily Pastor Appreciation Gifts In October
31 Unique Pastor Appreciation Gifts
In anticipation of Pastor Appreciation Month, we pass an October
calendar among the church members. Each person who wants to
participate put their name on a specific day that is theirs to
express appreciation to the pastor however they choose.
Creativity Reigns Each October Day
When their special day, the creativity of individual families in many
different expressions of pastor appreciation.
An appreciation e-mail,
Pastor appreciation cards in the mail,
Homemade cookies, a favorite pie or a dozen donuts appear on his desk
each day with an appreciation card,
Coupons with an offer to wash his car,
A box of chocolates or a bag of favorite candy,
Coupons for a homemade meal,
Offers to take out the pastor's family for lunch or dinner,
Coupon books to Wendy's, Burger King, Pizza Hut, or favorite
restaurant.
The only limit is each person's imagination in creatively thinking up
these daily expressions to honor the pastor.
===
by way of The Pearls List
To Subscribe, send an email to: Larryb1939@aol.com and ask to receive
>From Grace Mail. To subscribe drop a note to
pastorjohn@walmsleyblvdumc.org
====================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Becky :)
.---------------.
/ oLo \
O/_____/________/____\O
/__________+__________\
/ (#############) \
|[**](#############)[**]|
\_______________________/
|_""__|_,-----,_|__""_|
| | '-----' | | APC'97
'-' '-'
7:45 PM YOU ARE IN your car driving home. Thoughts wander to the game
you want to see or meal you want to eat, when suddenly a sound unlike
any you've ever heard fills the air. The sound is high above you. A
trumpet? A choir? A choir of trumpets? You don't know, but you want to
know. So you pull over, get out of your car, and look up. As you do, you
see you aren't the only curious one. The roadside has become a parking
lot. Car doors are open, and people are staring at the sky. Shoppers are
racing out of the grocery store. The Little League baseball game across
the street has come to a halt. Players and parents are searching the
clouds. And what they see, and what you see, has never before been seen.
MMMMm MMMMMMMMMMM mMMMMMMMMMMMm
MMMMMMM mMMMMMMMMMm MMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMm MMMMMMMMM mMMMMMMMMMm
MMMMMMMMM mMMMMMMMm MMMMMMMMM
mMMMMMMMMm MMMMMMM mMMMMMMMMm
MMMMMMMM mMMMMMm MMMMMMMM 0
mMMMMMm MMMMM mMMMMMm o@@@o
MMMMM mMMMm MMMMM o@@@@@@o mmm
mMMMm MMM mMMMm o@@@@@@@@@MMMMM
@oo MMM mMm MMM o@@@@@@@@@@@@ooMM
@@@@o mMm M mMm o@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@o MhhhHHHHHHHHhhhM o@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@o hhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh oo@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@oo hHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh oo@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ooHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHoo@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ooHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHoo@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ooHHHHHHHHHoo@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@Chad Lemon@
As if the sky were a curtain, the drapes of the atmosphere part. A
brilliant light spills onto the earth. There are no shadows. None.
From every hue ever seen and a million more never seen. Riding on the
flow is an endless fleet of angels. They pass through the curtains one
myriad at a time, until they occupy every square inch of the sky.
North. South. East. West.
Thousands of silvery wings rise and fall in unison, and over the sound
of the trumpets, you can hear the cherubim and seraphim chanting, Holy,
holy, holy. The final flank of angels is followed by twenty-four
silver-bearded elders and a multitude of souls who join the angels in
worship.
Presently the movement stops and the trumpets are silent, leaving only
the triumphant triplet: Holy, holy, holy. Between each word is a pause.
With each word, a profound reverence. You hear your voice join in the
chorus. You don't know why you say the words, but you know you must.
Suddenly, the heavens are quiet. All is quiet. The angels turn, you
turn, the entire world turns and there He is. Jesus.
Through waves of light you see the silhouetted figure of Christ the
King. He is atop a great stallion, and the stallion is atop a billowing
cloud. He opens his mouth, and you are surrounded by his declaration:
I am the Alpha and the Omega.
The angels bow their heads. The elders remove their crowns. And before
you is a figure so consuming that you know, instantly you know: Nothing
else matters. Forget stock markets and school reports. Sales meetings
and football games. Nothing is newsworthy.. All that mattered, matters
no more.... for Christ has come.
This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, he saw me,
and he asked: My child, what is your greatest wish for today?
I responded: 'Lord please; take care of the person who is reading this
message, their family and their special friends. They deserve it and I
love them very much'.
The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginnings but not
its end.
This message works on the day you receive it.
To some it may sound dumb, but the person who sent this to me was
impressed with its timing. Let us see if it is true.
ANGELS EXIST, but sometimes, since they don't all have wings we call
them FRIENDS, SUCH AS YOU.
Pass this on to your true friends. SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU
TODAY. SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR OR NEEDING.
---
...Interesting and a sweet reminder! Thanks Becky!
====================================================================
>-->From Our Friends Del, Casey & MrWu :)
_|_
|
_|_
//_/\
__| ||____
////////////\
/////////////\\
|^^^^^^^^^^||+|
| # # # ||||
.... ....".
|||||||||||||||||
unknown
>Church humor
WAKE UP
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell
him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not
going."
"Why not?" she asked.
I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like
me, and two, I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU
SHOULD go to church. 1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!"
THE PICNIC
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual
4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the
rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion,
but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden!
You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've
tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham.
Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At
your wedding."
THE USHER
An elderly woman walked into the local country church.
The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the
flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said.
"The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No." he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No." she said.
"Good," he answered.
SHOW AND TELL
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell"
assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share
with the class that represented their religion.
The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My
name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."
The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My
name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."
The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My
name is Tommy. I am Baptist, and this is a casserole.
TWENTY TO ONE
A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed
twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck
up a conversation. The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels
all over the country. "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty
proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City , the finest
restaurants in New York , performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to
the Caribbean ." "Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an
exciting life!" "So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been
throughout your lifetime?"
The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist
Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church ..."
The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"
GOAT FOR DINNER
A young couple invited their pastor to Sunday dinner.
While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister
was visiting with their young son and asked what they were having for
dinner.
"Goat", said the boy.
"Goat?', asked the pastor? "Are you sure?"
"Oh yes", answered the boy. "This morning my dad told my mom
"This is as good a day as any to have the old goat for dinner."
---
...TeeHee!
-<,,>-
>A conversation between a Customer and Bank of America Bank:
The Bank: Bank of America, can I help you?
Customer: Yes, I want to cancel my account. I don't want to do business
with you any longer.
The Bank: Why?
Customer: You're giving credit to illegal immigrants and I don't think
it's right. I'm taking my business elsewhere.
The Bank: Well, Mr. Customer, we don't want to see you do that, but we
can't stop you. I'll help you close the account. What is your account
number?
Customer: (gives account number)
The Bank: For security purposes and for your protection, can you please
give me the last four digits of your social security number?
Customer: No.
The Bank: Mr. Customer, I need to verify your information, but in order
to help you, I'll need verification of who you are.
Customer: Why should I give you my social security number? The reason
I'm closing my account is that your bank is issuing credit cards to
illegal immigrants who don't have social security numbers. You are
targeting that audience and want their business. Let's say I'm an
illegal immigrant and you've given me a credit card. I have a question
about it and call for assistance. You wouldn't be asking me for a Social
Security number, would you?
The Bank: No sir, I wouldn't.
Customer: Why not?
The Bank: Because you would have pressed '2' to speak in Spanish. We
don't ask for that information when calling in on the Spanish line.
I provided "snopes" for doubters:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/immigration/bankofamerica.asp
Now I hope the following 14 reasons are forwarded over and over again
until they are read so many times that the reader gets sick of reading
them. I have included the URL's for verification of the following facts.
1. $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal aliens each
year. http://tinyurl.com/zob77
2. $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance programs such
as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens.
http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html
3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for illegal aliens.
4. $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and secondary school
education for children here illegally and they cannot speak a word of
English! http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/
5. $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the
American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html
6. $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html
7. 30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html
8. $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for Welfare &
social services by the American taxpayers.
http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.html
9. $200 Billion Dollars a year in suppressed American wages are caused
by the illegal aliens.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html
10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime rate that's
two and a half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In particular,
their children, are going to make a huge additional crime problem in
the US http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0606/12/ldt.01.html
11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION illegal aliens
that crossed our Southern Border also, as many as 19,500 illegal aliens
from Terrorist Countries. Millions of pounds of drugs, cocaine, meth,
heroine and marijuana, crossed into the U. S from the Southern border.
Homeland Security Report:
12. The National Policy Institute, "estimated that the total cost of
mass deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion or an average
cost of between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five year period."
http://www.nationalpolicyinstitute.org/pdf/deportation.pdf
13. In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in remittances back to
their countries of origin. http://www.rense.com/general75/niht.htm
14. "The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One Million Sex Crimes
Committed by Illegal Immigrants in The United States."
http://www.drdsk.com/articleshtml
The total cost is a whooping $ 338.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR of your
tax payer money.
If this doesn't bother you then just delete the message, but on the
other hand, if it does raise the hair on the back of your neck, then
forward it to every human in the country including every representative
in Washington, DC four time a week for a month.
God Bless You And Yours.
-<**>-
>ARE YOU TOO BUSY
_
_( )_
( (o___
| _ 7
\ (") Too Busy for a Friend..
/ \ \
( ) )
| \ __/
| |
( /
\ /
) /(_
| (___)
\___)
kurt scaletta
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other
students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between
each name.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about
each of their classmates and write it down.
It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment,
and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a
separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about
that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire
class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I
meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much."
were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if
they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't
matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were
happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and his
teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen
a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so
mature.
The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him
took a last walk by the coffin The teacher was the last one to bless the
coffin.
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up
to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes."
Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."
After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a
luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to
speak with his teacher.
"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of
his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you
might recognize it."
Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook
paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The
teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she
had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about
him.
"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see,
Mark treasured it ."
All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled
rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top
drawer of my desk at home."
Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."
"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her
wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group "I carry this
with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she
continued: "I think we all saved our lists."
That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark
and for all his friends who would never see him again .
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life
will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.
So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special
and important. Tell them, before it is too late.
And One Way To Accomplish This Is: Send this message on. If you do not
send it, you will have, once again passed up the wonderful opportunity
to do something nice and beautiful .
If you've received this, it is because someone cares for you and it
means there is probably at least someone for whom you care.
If you're "too busy " to take those few minutes right now to forward
this message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn't do that
little thing that would make a difference in your relationships?
The more people that you send this to, the better you'll be at reaching
out to those you care about.
Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others
comes back into your own.
May Your Day Be As Blessed
As You Are Special
---
...Sweet Classic! Thanks Del!
-<^^>-
Just giving you some ideas, in the event that you have to fill out
a job application!
|_________________________________________________________|
|jrei_'__.__'_|_''__'__.__'_|_''__'__.__'_|_''__'__.__'_|.|
|:. :. |. .:::::. :. |;.;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:;;;;;;;;;;':|.|
|::'. : :::::'::'. |;;;;.;;;;;;;;;;;:;;;;;;;;;;;;'::::|:|
|____'_|_''__'__.__'_|;;;;;;;.;_;;__;;;;;;_;;;_;':::::::|'|
|. .:::::. :. |. .:::|;;;;;;;;| ____________ |::::::::| |
| :::::'::'. : :::::|;;:;;;;;| |::::::::::''| |::.:::::|'|
|_''__'__. ' '_''__'|;;;;:;;;| |:: .--. ::':::::|_|
|:. :. |. ||||| . :. |;;;;;;;;| |:: ( )) ) :::.:::|.|
|::'. : |o o| :'. |;:;:;;;;| |:: '==' :|'-::::|:|
|_.__'_|_' \_/ _.__'_|;;;:;;;;| |:' .'|| :|T |:::|_|
|. .:::::. | |. .:::|;;;;;;;;| |'_______ | || ::'-::::| |
| :::::'::'.| : :::::|;;;;;;;;|___________ '.() :::.:'::|'|
|_''__'__._ |_|_''__'|;::''' || ''':::|_|
| | || |
| | .:: |
| | |
|_________________________________________________________|
>Wal Mart APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen
submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so
funny...
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least
one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But
seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying here in the first place
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael
Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer
and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens
and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to
a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be
here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would
be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already
be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell
me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the
Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks
I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be
doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF
YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
***Old People Rock!
---
..DITTO! Thanks Del!
====================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Maxy's Pal :)
|_____________________________________ |
|====================================|`--._ ,-'|
|------------------------------------| | |
|__________ 1 S T B A N K | | | |
|_____ __| _______________ | | | |
|#####| | |_ _________ _| | | -'| |
|#####| | || | | | | || | | | |
|#####| | || | | | | || | | ` ,###. " | |
|#####| |________|| | | | | ||_______| | |###| | |
|#####| _________ | | | | | | _______| ___|___ |###| .\_|-.__|
|#####||__.::|_.:||_|_|_|_|_||.::|__.| |"!"""""""""/ \""""|""""!"|
|#####||.::|__.::|___________|__.::|_| |"!"""""""""\|___|/""""|""""!"|
|###''||__.::|__.::|__.::|__.::|__.::| |"!""""""""" | | """"|"""""!"|
|' ||:|__.::|__.::|__.::|__.::|__.|' | | | |
| |_|_| |
|________________________________________________________________|
Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year
old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it
published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored
to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between
presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed
to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight
years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and
letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank
has become.
From now on I choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer
be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person
to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact
which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN
number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows: IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING,
PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH!
#1 To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to
nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later
date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be
put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press * for English.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, music noise will
play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I
wish you a happy, ... if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year??
Your Humble Client
_ _ _ _ _
(Remember: This was written by a 86 year old woman)
'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE " US SENIORS"
---
...Yeppers - Ditto - They ROCK! Thanks Maxy's Pal!
==================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
...Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...
)
(.)
.|.
l7J Mrs. Fields
| |
_.--| |--._
.-'; ;`-'& ; `&. NOT For Christmas!!
& & ; & ; ; \
\ ; & &_/
F"""---...---"""J
| | | | | | | | |
J | | | | | | | F
`---.|.|.|.---'
>Mrs. Fields has become the first company to ban Christmas from their
products and promotion for this year.
When Diane H. of Michigan called Mrs. Fields and asked to speak with a
supervisor in customer service about why they banned Christmas, the
supervisor told Diane that they do not offer anything with Merry
Christmas because they don't want to offend anyone.
Take a look at Mrs. Fields Holiday Gift Preview by clicking here. In the
"search" bar, type in the word "Christmas." But don't expect to find any
reference to Christmas. (If you do, it has been added since this letter
was written.)
Mrs. Fields wants the business of Christians who celebrate Christmas,
but they don’t mind if they offend Christians.
Take Action
* Visit here to send an email to Mrs. Fields:
http://tinyurl.com/3dhf4t
Tell the company that since they don’t mind offending Christians, you
will not be purchasing their products this Christmas. Ask them to please
use Christmas in their promotion next year.
* Please forward this to your friends and family and urge them
not to buy Mrs. Fields goodies this Christmas.
* Participate in our The Plan They Can’t Ban Christmas project.
Click here for details:
http://tinyurl.com/2s9lot
Sincerely,
Donald E. Wildmon, Founder & Chairman
American Family Association
---
... Say BYE BYE To some of the Best Cupcakes on the market!
-<>-
...Goes along with FORD... Bye Bye Mustang
>Ford Boycott continues to be effective; Sales drop 21% in September
Ford Motor Company sales dropped 21% in September compared to that
month's sales a year ago. Ford sales have dropped in 17 of the 19 months
since AFA began a boycott of the company. AFA began boycotting Ford in
March 2006 when the company reneged on a pledge to stop supporting
homosexual organizations and same-sex marriage.
While not totally responsible for the decline in sales, the boycott is
having an impact. When the boycott began, Ford was approximately in the
same financial condition as that of General Motors and Chrysler. But
because of the boycott, Ford is now in much more of a serious financial
situation than GM and Chrysler.
Ford continues to consider support for the homosexual agenda and
same-sex marriage more important than making a profit for the company.
Ford has rebuffed repeated attempts by AFA asking the company to remain
neutral in the culture war.
Take Action
* If you haven't already done so, please sign the Boycott
Ford Pledge - Visit Here:
http://tinyurl.com/38nqg5
* Forward this e-mail to your local Lincoln, Mercury, Volvo, Jaguar,
Land Rover, Mazda or Ford dealer (all owned by Ford). Find their e-mail
address here (click on the auto icon):
http://tinyurl.com/3cjf2u
Ask the dealer to forward it to CEO Alan Mulally.
* Print the Boycott Ford Petition,
http://tinyurl.com/3468o4
and distribute it at Sunday school and church.
* Extremely important! Help us get the word out about
Ford by forwarding this to friends and family! For more
information on Ford's support for the homosexual agenda,
click here.
http://tinyurl.com/38csdh
Sincerely,
Don
Donald E. Wildmon, Founder & Chairman
American Family Association
P.S. Please forward this e-mail message to your family and friends!
---
PLEASE NOTE:
...This IS NOT about a hate gay bashing or anything of that nature.
Simply put, if we want to donate to the Gay Agenda, we can do that
on our own - we do not need Ford jacking up the cost of a vehicle so
profits can be given to help support Gays behind our backs. I for one
would never agree to have my hard earned dollars go to help fund them.
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- 3-year-old grounded after toy car joyride ---------
OMRO, Wis. - A three-year-old Wisconsin boy apparently
born to drive jumped the gun this week when he went
tooling along a busy highway in his battery-powered toy
car. Jordan Will was pulled over by police in Omro as
he and a 2-year-old buddy pulled up to an intersection
in Jordan's kid-sized Mustang GT. "Nothing bad happened,
so it's kind of cute now when you look at it, but at the
time, it wasn't cute at all. It was scary. I was really
upset," Doug Will, his father, told WISN-TV in Milwaukee.
Will said he was asleep when his son and his friend set
off on their joy ride. The boys made it about six blocks,
apparently obeying all the traffic laws, before neighbors
and police were able to halt them. Jordan's ride is now
sidelined. Mr. Will took the battery out.
.::\)`:`,
.:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----,
;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`.
;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\
;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\
:;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~
| `____/ ( { ))())) . .`,
____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . |
/ \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .|
| ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . |
| \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .|
| |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . |
\ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. |
\ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .|
\ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . |
\ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . |
\ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (,
\._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ;
| | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. |
| .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .|
| / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . |
[Defining MARRIAGE Should be a top concern!]
-- Judge rules Arkansas children can marry --------
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - An Arkansas judge has ruled that
because of bad wording in a state law governing marriage,
anyone with parental permission can get married. Passed
in March, state Act 441 was aimed at barring anyone under
18 from getting married with the exception of pregnant
women with parental consent or a judge's order. In July,
when the wording problem was discovered, the state Code
Revision Commission tried to correct the wording by
removing the word "not" from two places where it appeared
in front of the word "pregnant." Wednesday, U.S. Circuit
Judge Tom Keith ruled in Little Rock, Ark., the commission
lacked the authority to make such legislative changes, the
Arkansas Democrat reported. The issue went before the
courts in September when the mother of a 17-year-old girl
who wanted to get married sued a county clerk because she
was denied a marriage license, the report said. Gov. Mike
Beebe had said he has no plans to address the wording
before next year's legislative session, the Arkansas News
said.
.::\)`:`,
.:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----,
;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`.
;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\
;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\
:;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~
| `____/ ( { ))())) . .`,
____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . |
/ \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .|
| ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . |
| \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .|
| |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . |
\ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. |
\ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .|
\ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . |
\ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . |
\ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (,
\._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ;
| | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. |
| .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .|
| / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . |
[I REPEAT - DEFINE MARRIAGE - Between a MAN and A WOMAN!]
-- Researcher: Humans will wed robots -----------
MAASTRICHT , Netherlands - The University of Maastricht in
the Netherlands is awarding a doctorate to a researcher who
wrote a paper on marriages between humans and robots. David
Levy, a British artificial intelligence researcher at the
college, wrote in his thesis, "Intimate Relationships with
Artificial Partners," that trends in robotics and shifting
attitudes on marriage are likely to result in sophisticated
robots that will eventually be seen as suitable marriage
partners. Levy's conclusion was based on about 450 public-
ations in the fields of psychology, sexology, sociology,
robotics, materials science, artificial intelligence,
gender studies and computer-human interaction. The thesis
examines human attitudes toward affection, love and
sexuality and concluded that the findings are just as
applicable to human interaction with robots of the future
as they are to the relationships between humans of today.
-<>-
>From CoffeeBreak
Student wants right to wear Edwards shirt
A Texas high school student is fighting for his right to
wear a John Edwards for President T-shirt in school.
Paul T. Palmer and his parents say he has a First Amendment
right to proclaim his political preferences on his clothes,
The Dallas Morning News reported. The Waxahachie school
board disagrees. "This is not about a hippie-dippy idea --
everyone can wear whatever they want," Paul's lawyer father,
Paul D. Palmer, said. "This is who I support for president.
He has a right to stick that on his shirt." The
15-year-old's battle began Sept. 21 when his football coach
warned him that he was violating Waxahachie High School's
ban on all-black outfits. He called home and his father
brought the Edwards T-shirt to school. When he called home
again, his mother brought him a red T-shirt. Paul said he
decided to challenge the dress code when he was warned
about being dressed entirely in black.
Just 6 percent of U.S. men tying one on
Millions of neckties are hanging or folded unused in the
United States, with a Gallup poll showing just 6 percent
of men wearing them to work anymore. That's a 4 percent
decline since 2002 and dismal news for tie-makers, as almost
70 percent of men said they don't ever wear a tie for any
reason, The Chicago Sun-Times reported from New York. As
open-necked shirts grew in popularity, the Neckwear
Association of America changed its name to the Men's Dress
Furnishings Association in 2003. Its executive director,
Gerald Andersen, told the newspaper about 85 million ties
are still sold in the United States each year, but they're
going to the highest level of executives. Wearing a
raspberry necktie with a paisley pattern for the interview,
Andersen blamed such social changes as "casual Fridays"
and the Internet, which reduced face-to-face business, for
the slump in need and popularity for the necktie.
Student loses spleen to classroom game
An eighth-grader at a New York school was seriously injured
when fellow students threw books at him during a classroom
game. The student, Chaz Carvalho, ended up losing his
spleen, The Staten Island (N.Y.) Advance reported. The
game is called "Quiet." As played by the students at
Dreyfus Intermediate School on Staten Island, students in
a class keep their mouths shut and then hurl their books
at the first to speak. In less extreme versions, the first
to talk is eliminated from the game. On Oct. 3, when Chaz
was hurt, his math class had a substitute teacher. Kuang
Wei Li told the students after they finished their work
they could do whatever they wanted for the rest of the
period. School officials say Li won't receive any
substitute assignments until after the incident has been
investigated. Chaz's mother, Deborah Carvalho, said she
wondered why no one got medical help for her son -- although
part of the problem appears to be that he told the school
nurse and family doctor only that he had a stomach ache.
Two days later, he was discovered to have a ruptured spleen.
=============================================================
>-->From The MouthPiece:
.---.
.--. ___/ \
/ `.-"" `-, ;
; / O O \ /
`. \ /-'
_ J-.__; _.'
(" / `. -=:
`: `, -=|
| F\ i, ; -|
| | | || \_J
fsc mmm! `mmM Mmm'
Top Ten Surprises In Yesterday's Republican Debate
10. McCain answered all questions with his sock puppet
friend "Carl"
9. Debate was held at Chi-Chi's in Dearborn
8. The part where Giuliani slugged an audience member was
odd
7. Mitt Romney proposed a big tax cut for guys named "Mitt"
— that's crazy — who's ever heard of such a thing?
6. Candidates greeted each other with long, passionate kiss
5. No No. 5 — writer seeing hilarious remake of "The
Heartbreak Kid" in theatres now
4. Tom Tancredo admitted even he doesn't know who the hey
he is
3. Eddie Brill claimed the audience was one-third foreigners
2. Wayne Newton was voted off
1. Time limit enforced by Cheney with a shotgun
[From the Late Show with David Letterman]
==============================================================
>-->From JokeCentral:
Southwest Missouri Hangout -
\\ /////
| |
(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
Mike Hertz
>Thanks to all the veterans
As some may or may not know Toni is quite the
song writer. A couple of days ago she handed me
this song and asked what I thought if it.
After reading the words I was choked up and Told
her that in light of the world situation the
words had to be shared.
This song is for all the soldiers thru history
that walked away from family knowing there was a
chance they would never see them again. All in
the name of freedom and the greatest country on
earth.
It is also specialy dedicated to all the loved
ones that watched their soldiers walk away, the
wifes, mothers, fathers and children who waited
day by day praying for thier safe return.
It is not said enough. THANK YOU for the hardship
YOU delt with so that my children can grow up
free.
Not GOODBYE
He turned around to take one last look
Of everything he leaves behind.
He could read your face just like an open book,
As love, fear, and sadness filled your eyes.
If there was any other way
He wouldn't be standing here today.
Across the ocean in a foreign land
Lies a country in great unrest;
And due to actions of a single man
He's called upon to do his best.
If there were any other way
He'd be home with you today.
But he's not letting you go, he's not saying goodbye
But he needs for you to understand
Because he believes, he must fight
For you and all Americans.
I thought you'd like to have the picture that she drew
Today we dropped in the mail.
She sends an angel over you
She knows more than she can tell.
But if there was any other way
She'd have you home with her today.
So every night when she goes to bed
She says her prayers before she sleeps.
And every time the same words are said;
"Please bring Daddy home to me.
And if there's any possible way,
Can you bring him home and home to stay?"
But she's not letting you go, she's not saying goodbye
And she wants you to know she understands;
She proud that you believe and proud that you fight
For her and all Americans.
She's proud that you believe enough to fight
For her and all Americans.
Written by Toni Sprenkle
Copywrite Nov. 18 2003
--- T and W
-<>-
Five Bucks....LOL
A man is walking around New York with his wife.
They find a perfume shop, the wife goes in, and
he waits outside. A hooker comes along and says
to him, "Like to come home with me, buddy?"
"How much?" asks the man.
"One hundred dollars."
"I'll give you five bucks."
The girl laughs at him and walks away. A little
later, the man's wife comes out of the shop and
they continue their walk.
On the first corner they come to there is the
same hooker. She takes one look at the man and
his wife and says, "You see? You see what you get
for five bucks?"
-<>-
The Date
Worried that his son was spending too much money
on dates, a Father asked the boy how much his
last date had cost.
The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh,
about $15 or so I think."
"Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for
finally coming up with an inexpensive evening."
"To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have
done more, but that was all the money she had."
-<>-
Running Away
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the
child rebelled against his father. He got some
of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank
and proudly announced, "I'm running away from
home!"
The father calmly decided to look at the matter
logically. "What if you get hungry?," he said.
"Then I'll come home and eat!," bravely declared
the child.
"And what if you run out of money?"
"I will come home and get some!," readily replied
the child.
The man then made a final attempt, "What if your
clothes get dirty?"
"Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them,"
was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid
is not running away from home; he's going off to
college."
-<>-
>Groaners!
In the early 20th Century, Thomas Edison was
spreading the word about electricity. Once, while
vacationing out West, he stopped at the Sioux
reservation. Edison was shocked to learn that
there was no indoor plumbing, and that he would
have to use an outhouse. In fact, he was told,
the Sioux had to use the outhouse regardless of
the weather. To help the Sioux, Edison installed
lights in the outhouse.
With this kind act, he became the first person to
wire a head for a reservation! (Michael
Balarama)
When young Jose, newly arrived in the United
States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium,
there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by
his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman
found him a perch near the American flag. Later,
Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his
experience. "And the Americans, they are so
friendly!" he concluded.
"Before the game started, they all stood up and
looked at me and asked, 'Jose, can you see?'"
(Bob Sachee)
A recent Honors Graduate of Harvard University's
Geology Department had the good fortune to be
posted to the Hawaiian Volcano Observatory just
as a new eruption started. As the noise
intensified, his only comment was "Magma come
louder!" (Alan B. Combs)
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant
brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was
a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said,
"what is this?" "Why, it's bean soup," she
replied. "I don't care what it has been," he
sputtered. "What is it now?" (Pastor Tim)
So few people know the Bible nowadays. I was
standing downtown waiting on a bus. It was
raining cats and dogs. A lady was standing next
to me so I tried to be friendly and make
conversation. 'If it keeps it up, we'll all have
to buy an ark," I said.
"What's an ark?" she asked.
'You mean you haven't heard about Noah and the
great flood and all those animals?" I asked
incredulously.
"Look, mister," she replied, "I've only been in
town for four days. I've scarcely had time to
read a paper." (Kevin Rayner)
================================================================
>--From The Jokester:
A guy walks into the doctor's office. "Doc, I can't stop singing
'The Green, Green Grass of Home,'" he says.
Replies the doctor, "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" the patient asks.
And the doctor answers, "It's Not Unusual."
-<>-
____ 3
., _ ' `_ _______
--+-[---------.---(-)-----(@)----|-------|---.-----|-------------.-
| ] | |~ |~ (@) _ | | |} |
--+-[-----|---+---|-------|--|--(@)----------+-----|----------|}-+-
|/ | | | | | |~ (@) _ | | _| .. | |
--Y-------|---+---|-------|--|--|---|---(@))-+-|>( )------|---|--+-
/|_ _| | `=_| | | |~ | ~ |>(@) |
|-@-)---(@)---+-----------------|---|---|---+-------------------+-
\_|/ ~ | | | | |
--+-----------"-------------------------|----"-------------------"-
|
._} --jw
Musical Instruments 101
* Since the black keys on a piano are the hardest to learn if you
painted them white would it be easier to learn how to play the piano?
* How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
* Was the piano invented just so the musician would have a place to put
his/her beer?
* Is it true that the reason bagpipe players walk while they play is
that they are trying to get away from the noise?
* Do you get A flat minor if you drop a piano down a mine- shaft?
* What is the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
* Are some instruments in a drum-and-bugle corps purely cymbolic?
* Do people who play the washboard think of it as playing an acoustic
washing machine?
* Why is a mute called a mute when you can still hear the music?
* Did you know that the piano we play today was first called the
'pianoforte'? And that this actually means quietloud? Doesn't this
mean that a small one should be called a piano while a large one should
be called a forte?
* If you buy a set of drums, will there be repercussions?
* Why is Chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but
the hardest thing to eat with?
* How come you always hear about organ donors but there's nary a mention
of piano donors?
* What did bagpipers play before that guy wrote "Amazing Grace"?
* Can you fiddle with a violin?
-<>-
>Funny Answers from Students on Music Exams
,
|\ __
| | |--| __
|/ | | |~'
/|_ () () |
//| \ |\ ()
| \|_ | | \
jgs \_|_/ () |
| |
@' ()
The principal singer of nineteenth-century opera was called
pre-Madonna.
It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and
shake him in rhythm.
Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.
Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.
All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they
sounded like because there are no known descendants.
Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing
without music it is called Acapulco.
A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.
A harp is a nude piano.
The main trouble with a French Horn is that it is too tangled up.
An interval in music is the distance from one piano to the next.
The correct way to find the key to a piece of music is to use a
pitchfork.
Agitato is a state of mind when one's finger slips in the middle of
playing a piece.
Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you'd better
not try to sing.
I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say.
Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.
My favorite composer was Opus. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous
for her church music.
Henry Purcell was a well-known composer few people have ever heard of.
Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster
which he kept up in his attic.
==================================================================
>-->Fun Places To Net Visit :)
Best Movie Mistakes
http://www.moviemistakes.com/best.php
Complete recipes
http://www.completerecipes.com/
Connect The Dots Game
http://www.athey-educational.co.uk/games/game5/game5.htm
Math World
http://mathworld.wolfram.com/
Square America - In The Booth
http://www.squareamerica.com/pb1.htm
-<>-
>From The MouthPiece:
ALL BUT FORGOTTEN OLDIES
If you are a fan of the oldies, you will appreciate this
site. Find any forgotten oldies song with their easy-to-
use alphabetical listing, or search by song title.
Visit:
ALL BUT FORGOTTEN OLDIES
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Carolyn with /The Downy Chicks
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/Fun/TheDownyChicks.html
Do You Remember Me? Via Mary
http://www.roty.com/DoYouRememberMe/DoYouRememberMe.HTML
BibleStudy: Orientalisms Of The Bible 1
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/orientalisms1.html
Ken w / Suppertime
http://gospelman.info/christian/Suppertime.html
Fed issues new Salmonella outbreak info and actions.
Click for details...
http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=250&z=1
Etch-a-Sketch art done by Jeff Gagliardi Via Dianne
http://www.etch-a-sketchartist.com/paintings.php
Heroes of the Old West by Ron Liebermann Via Dianne
http://www.lewrockwell.com/liebermann/liebermann7.html
Grain Harvesting 1931
http://www.vaes.vt.edu/steeles/mccormick/harvest.html
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet,
send a blank e-mail to
LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
=================================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Hillary Clinton's name was mention 12 times the other
night at the Republican debate. Twelve times! Of course,
Hillary was stunned. She's not used to guys yelling out
her name."
- Jay Leno
"Here's a sign of fall: Today, Marion Jones tested
positive for cider."
- David Letterman
"The world's oldest bowler turned 106. When asked how he
feels, the bowler said, 'At 106, I'm just trying to keep
my balls out of the gutter'."
- Conan O'Brien
"Kiefer Sutherland has pleaded no contest to his drunk
driving charge and will serve 48 days in jail starting
in December — 48 days. Or as Paris Hilton calls that,
15 consecutive life sentences."
- Jay Leno
"Former 'Law & Order' star Fred Thompson appeared in
his first presidential debate last night. Political
experts called him 'uneven, flat, and dull.' In other
words, Thompson was the highlight of the debate."
- Conan O'Brien
"Esquire magazine named the sexiest woman alive: Charlize
Theron. She had some tough competition: Scarlett Johansson,
Jessica Alba, Orlando Bloom..."
- Craig Ferguson
---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSEE :)Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html
Shangrala
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Seervice
You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair.
We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with
all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806
************************************************************************
-->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
************************************************************************
>TO SUBSCRIBE:
This Weeks regular Shangy emails
OR
Send a BLANK email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
************************************************************************