Older 'n Dirt And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press This red hot new page is from our friends KarenF and Geniann. If you've been craving some eye candy, this one will definitely provide you will enough to amply satisfy you. It is amazing the detail and beauty of God's work. He never ceases to awe us with His divine creation. Be sure to check this one out here... ____ ____ _,',--.`-. _,',--.`-. <_ ( () ) > ( <_ ( () ) > `-:__;,-' \ `A:__:,-' \ / \ (( ) \-' \ \ ( ) -Shimrod `-'"`-----' Nature's Teardrops http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teardrops.html --- ...So stunning! Thank You Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ` {_ \. - - . _____..' ' _ , -`. _ .-' ' _,' _,' ,-' ' ,-' _/ `-, ' ,-' \ _/ ,-' ' ,' \ _' _ `-, ' ' _\' ___/_\___ ` , ' , _,-' \ ,^^##--- ' , \,_,--' \ _/<\_ \ it's even harder ,` \ < to swim with the { ejm \^^- A Salesman was traveling by train with his bride for his honeymoon to Florida. He was talking to an old gentleman with whom he had made an acquaintance. He told him, "I am going with my wife for my honeymoon to spend it in Florida." The gentleman asked, "Are you going to Tampa with her?" "You are darn right that I am going to tamper with her, what a silly question!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ August 26 is National Dog Day and Women's Equality Day August 27 is Global Forgiveness Day and Just Because Day August 28 is Race Your Mouse Day August 29 is More Herbs, Less Salt Day August 30 is Frankenstein Day and Toasted Marshmallow Day August 31 is Internaional Bacon Day, National Eat Outside Day and National Trail Mix Day September 1 is Emma M. Nutt Day, the first woman telephone operator and National Cherry Popover Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` >The Patient Will Live On a busy hospital floor the doctor stops the nurse to brief her on a patient's condition. "This patient is a fellow physician and my favorite golf partner. His injury is serious and I fear he will not be able to play golf again unless you follow my orders exactly." The doctor then began listing orders: "You must give an injection in a different location every twenty minutes followed by a second injection exactly five minutes after the first. He must take two pills at exactly every hour followed by one pill every fifteen minutes for eight hours. He must drink no more and no less than ten ounces of water every twenty-five minutes and must void between. "Soak his arm in warm water for fifteen minutes then place ice for ten minutes and repeat over and over for the rest of the day. Give range of motion every thirty minutes. He requires a back rub and foot rub every hour. Feed him something tasty every hour. Be cheerful and do whatever he asks at all times. "Chart his condition and vital signs every twenty minutes. You must do these things exactly as I ordered or his injury will not heal properly and he will not able to play golf well." The nurse left the doctor and entered the patient's room. She was greeted by an anxious family and an equally anxious patient. Everyone asked the nurse what the doctor had said about the patient. The nurse started, "The doctor said that you will live." Then quickly reviewing the orders, the nurse added, "But you will have to learn a new sport." -<>- >The End of the Ham A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her,"Why did you cut off the end of the ham"? And she replied ,"I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to." Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, "I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it." A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?" Her grandmother replied, "Well dear, otherwise it would never fit into my baking pan." -<>- >Hot Fudge? I went into Dairy Queen the other day and asked for a hot fudge sundae with extra hot fudge. The clerk behind the counter replied, "Sorry. The hot fudge only comes in one temperature." -<>- >Nervous Flyer As a nervous flyer, I was concerned when the plane bumped down three times before coming to a stop in Calgary for a short stopover. I was seated at the back of the plane and heard one flight attendant say to another, "Wow! That was a bad landing!" Imagine my horror when the other flight attendant replied, "Not for him, it wasn't." -<>- >Tools? While assembling furniture for a friend, I asked her five-year-old son to bring me a screwdriver. He said, "Do you want a Daddy screwdriver or a Mommy screwdriver?" "Which one can you get faster?" "The Mommy screwdriver." "Okay. Bring me a Mommy screwdriver." The child came back and handed me a butter knife. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) I am not a crook! \ \ , | , \ / ,,_--_, \./ ,// _ _\ \./ ;;\ // x x /;;; \ \ | _\ / / \ \ \ o / / / \ `-'\__/-' / \ \/ / | /\ | | |//|| | \/ | .--'-----'-----. /| | / | | | | ,d888b, | | | J8888888L | :F_P: | | 888888888 | >SMILES The CEO was scheduled to give the keynote address at an important convention so he asked one of his top employees, Goldberg, to write a punchy, 20 minute speech for him. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour long speech?!" he demanded. "Half the audience walked out before I was finished." Goldberg was baffled. "I wrote you a 20 minute speech," he replied. I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for." ---------- A guy goes to the psychiatrist. "Doctor," says the guy, "I feel as if I'm two different people! Two totally different personalities. Do you think I need help? Can you help me? Am I doing the right thing seeing a psychiatrist?" "Whoah! Whoah! Whoah!" says the doc. "Please, one at a time." ---------- Our supervisor recently made a casual comment about my shaggy mane of hair. He then went on to extol the virtues of a good haircut, which, he insisted, makes an elderly man look younger and a younger man seem more mature. "How would a haircut make a middle-aged man like me appear?" I asked. "Still employed," he answered. ---------- Two college roommates, a blonde and a brunette, were sitting down for breakfast one morning. The brunette noticed the blonde staring into her cereal bowl with a very perplexed look on her face. The brunette asked, "Is something the matter?" The blonde replied, "I'm trying to figure out the message in my Alphabets, but so far all I can make out is OOOOOOO!" The brunette said to her, "Ummm...maybe that's because you're eating Cheerios!" ---------- I went to the bar the other night and told the 'keep, "A glass of your finest Less, please." "'Less'? Never heard of it," he said. "C'mon, sure you have." "No, really, we don't stock it. What is it? Some kind of foreign beer?" "I'm not sure," I replied. "It was my doctor who mentioned it. He said I should 'drink Less.'" ------- The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'" ---------- A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt so she asked, "Johnny, is there anything wrong"? The boy replied, "No, I was going fishing but my dad told me that I needed to go to church". The teacher was very impressed and asked Johnny if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. Johnny replied, "Yes teacher, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us". ---------- The teacher asked her students which state they thought has the most cows. A little girl raised her hand and said Texas. The teacher said, "That is right, you get an 'A'. Now which state do you think has the most sheep?" A little boy raised his hand and said Montana. The teacher said, "That's right, you get an 'A'. Who can tell me which state has the most turkeys?" Little Johnny raised his hand and said, that's easy, "Washington D.C." The teacher gave him an A+. ---------- A man who owned a local grocery store was out delivering orders in his station wagon when he hit and injured a little, old lady. The lady sued and was awarded an amount large enough to drive the man out of business. After difficult times he managed to accumulate enough to try again. But a few months after opening his doors he struck an old gentleman with his delivery truck. The gentleman sued and collected big damages, enough to ruin the merchant yet again. On a peaceful Sunday the grocer was sitting in his living room when his little boy entered and called out, "Father, Father, Mother's been run over by a great big bus." The grocer's eyes filled with tears, and in a voice trembling with emotion he cried, "Thank the Lord, my luck's changed at last." ---------- A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help." "Sure it will." he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers." --- ...HahAhA! Good Ones! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: _________________________ (, ______________________ ) | | || | | @@@@ || @@@@ | | @@@@@@@ || @@@@@@@ | | @@ - - || - @@@@ | | @ c/ || '_ @@@ | | _@| |_ || __\@ \@ | | ( \ )/_\ /_ || _\\ (/ ) @\_/) | | \ \|) / \) || |(__/ / /| | | |\_/ ( -/ || \___/ ----/_| | | / \ || ,: '( | | : _/| || |: \ | | : | || |: ) | | : | || |: | | |_______'____,_|_______|| |_____,_| .---('________________________)--. | / ( |____ __________ _| | /\ ) |___| -o- | |__| -o- | ( \| / |___| -o- | |__| -o- | | /'=. b'ger|________| |__|______| '=>/ \ / \ /|/ ,___/| >Pretty up your skin for pennies. There is an old saying that you pay for packaging. And that's the truth! You can save dollars if you just use a little common sense when buying everyday products. A drugstore's first-aid aisle may hold your key to perfect skin. The secret: witch hazel. It's the main ingredient in many pricey facial toners in the beauty section, but you can also find it sold among the health products for as little as $2. >Whiter teeth for less money! Professional teeth whitening isn't cheap and even the home whitening kits are a bit of a splurge. The good news is that you can whiten your teeth without using either one. Just wet your toothbrush, and dip it into a box of baking soda. Then, brush your teeth, and rinse. Repeat regularly, and you'll have whiter teeth at a price that you won't feel guilty about. Why This Works When mixed with water, baking soda creates a thick paste that's perfect for scrubbing away the stains on your teeth, and because it's applied with a toothbrush, it even does a good job of reaching and removing the stains that form between your teeth -something most whitening kits can't do. >Fridge-freshening baking soda. When that box of baking soda has absorbed as many fridge odors as it can, save it for bathroom cleanups. the Granules still have scrubbing power that you can use to make your porcelain shine. >Empty tissue boxes. Stash plastic grocery bags in a tissue box! The empty pop-up container makes a convenient storage solution that'll have you doing double recycling duty. >T-shirts Why pay for cleaning rags? That's one concept I've never grasped! All you need to do is cut up old t-shirts into rags. The soft material is great for cleaning any surface! It even works on glass. This is one way to reuse household items that can really pay off since cleaning rags wear out so quickly. >Empty Dish Soap Squeeze Bottles Here is a tip for reusing a household item I was dubious about until I tried it. When you use all your dish soap, wash out the bottle and save it. You'll be surprised at the uses for squeeze bottles! They are so convenient for watering house plants. If you have ever spilled water all over the place trying to water a potted plant with a cup you know what I mean. Plus, I didn't think this one would work but, fill one with pancake batter! Use a kitchen funnel to fill the bottle and you will have one perfectly shaped pancake after another! -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: * Ditch the plastic bottles. Invest in a faucet-mounted water filter for as little as $30, and use refillable water bottles. By giving up bottled water, a family of four can save about $1,250 a year. * Recycling Do's and Don'ts FOR PAPER 1. Do: Recycle paper with staples, clips, or spirals intact - the metal will be filtered out by machines later. Don't: Include any paper with food stains (think pizza boxes), as they can contaminate a load. FOR PLASTICS 2. Don't: Forget to remove bottle caps. They're made of a different type of plastic and can mess up a whole batch. Do: Return plastic bags to stores. Find a local spot at plasticbagrecycling.org. FOR GLASS & METAL 3. Do: Rinse out bottles, jars, and cans; throw away (or recycle) caps. Don't: Worry about labels - they'll burn off at the plant. Do: Include washed pie tins and foil, metal bottle caps, wire coat hangers, scrap metal. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Trump Signs Order to Expedite Forgiving Student Loan Debt for Disabled Veterans https://tinyurl.com/y3sc4u8g Tlaib, Omar All About Weakening Israel, They Stay Silent on Hamas, Palestinian Authority “It should come as no shock that Democratic Reps. Ilhan Omar of Minnesota and Rashida Tlaib of Michigan are unwelcome in Israel,” Rep. Lee Zeldin (R-NY) writes. “The two congresswomen attack Israel while remaining silent on Hamas using women and children as human shields, denying humanitarian aid to its own people, calling jihad an obligation, and launching rockets into Israel that kill innocent civilians.” https://tinyurl.com/y3l5kumw American Workers Are Winning -Fox Business https://tinyurl.com/yxkwqufa Justice: 64% of Federal Arrests are Noncitizens, With a 200% Increase -Washington Examiner “Federal arrests of noncitizens have jumped over 200% in the last 20 years and now account for 64% of those arrested,” Paul Bedard reports. “Over that 20-year period, groups such as MS-13 have surged, first in urban areas and recently into rural communities, and drug and human trafficking have also increased over the U.S. -Mexico border.” https://tinyurl.com/y2adw8s8 Gillette Shifts Gears After Failed Toxic Masculinity Campaign https://tinyurl.com/y3kvteoc Shocking Clinton Evidence Revealed That Was Ignored By Comey https://tinyurl.com/y2a5xrn2 The United States has announced that it is joining other countries to regulate the trade of giraffes. https://tinyurl.com/y5sl646v Joe Biden Forgets Which State He’s In During New Hampshire Campaign Stop https://tinyurl.com/yxjcndgz Washington Withdraws From Title X Rather Than Comply With Trump Abortion Rules https://tinyurl.com/y2phjurd ‘Far More Complicated Than I Expected’: Reporter Tries To Buy Gun At Walmart. Leaves Twice Empty-Handed https://tinyurl.com/yxhbo5cx Socialism Themed Monopoly Divides The Internet https://tinyurl.com/y6onfkgt Westwing News: G-7 Summit: Trump Strikes 'Billion-Dollar' Trade Deal with Japan President Trump said the Prime Minister agreed to purchase large sums of American farmers’ corn and “expects the billion-dollar deal to be sealed by the time the U.N. General Assembly meets in mid-September.” https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Pork, Fish, Cookies, Fruit http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: Drug-resistant Salmonella Found in Meat and Cheese http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: Like Fats Domino said, Kansas City has got some crazy little women, but today's story is a little odd even for Kansas City. Police were called with reports of a man dragging around an unconscious, topless woman. When they caught up with him they found something totally unexpected. 911 callers reported that a man appeared to be carrying a "topless, unconscious woman" through downtown Kansas City. He'd slung the woman over his shoulder, let her head bump on a street curb and even looked like he might throw her over a bridge, the callers said. "Savior!" the man yelled while holding the woman near the 12th Street bridge, one caller told police. Cops rushed to the scene and found something "totally unexpected," according to a Kansas City Police Department tweet. The "woman" who callers were scared might be dead was indeed not alive. She was actually a life-size doll the man said he found in a dumpster behind a restaurant a few blocks away, according to police. The officers told the man he shouldn't carry his doll in public anymore. -<>- Two men in Florida who were picking through a pile of trash got into an argument over a discarded pull wagon. That's when the sword came out. Broward Sheriff's Office deputies are searching for a man who was captured on home surveillance video swinging a sword at another man during a dispute over a discarded plastic pull cart. The victim had gone for a jog around his neighborhood when he came across a trash pile in front of a vacant home that another man was rummaging through. A Sheriff's Office spokesperson said the jogger decided to stop and go through the pile as well, and then left with a black heavy-duty pull cart he found. But the other man apparently also wanted the cart and followed him home. The victim's home surveillance cameras captured the man removing a long sword from a red sheath and swinging it at the jogger Gladiator-style as they both wrestled for the cart the front lawn. Police said the jogger eventually told the man the attack was being captured on video and the man left but threatened to return. A short time later, a woman is seen in the video dragging the cart away as she hurled insults at the jogger. The sword-wielding trash picker and the woman were not identified. *--- Brown Recluse Spider Found in Woman's Ear ---* A woman who went to a Missouri doctor complaining of water in her ear was shocked to be told it was actually a highly venomous brown recluse spider. Susie Torres said she thought the discomfort in her left ear was being caused by some water, but she went to a clinic in Kansas City to have it checked out and began to worry when the medical assistant expressed concern. "She ran out and said I'm going to get a couple more people," Torres said. "She then said, 'I think you have an insect in there.'" Torres said she was even more surprised a few minutes later. "She came back in and told me it was a spider," Torres said. "They had a few tools and worked their magic and got it out." Torres said she is taking some precautions while sleeping. "I went and put some cotton balls in my ear last night, because I did not have any ear plugs," said Torres. "I'm pretty terrified of spiders." *--- Man Catches Trout with Two Mouths ---* The big mouth bass can step aside. A woman fishing in upstate New York snapped photos when she reeled in a trout with a unique feature -- two mouths. Debbie Geddes said she was fishing on Lake Champlain with her husband when she reeled in the two-mouthed fish. Photos of the unusual trout went viral after a friend, Adam Facteau, posted them to Facebook. "I've had messages from all over the world, like people asking about this fish and it seems like everybody's got an opinion on what is the cause of this fish having two mouths," Facteau reported. Theories from people who viewed the photos include a genetic mutation and an injury from a swallowed hook. Geddes said she released the fish back into the water after taking the photos. *--- The Wrong Way to Kill Bed Bugs ---* A Wisconsin man who said he was, "trying to put out bed bugs with a cigarette," accidentally set fire to his mattress in a Madison hotel. Guest were evacuated as firefighters responded. As firefighters entered the hotel, a manager notified them that the mattress had already been brought outside. They went outside to ensure the mattress was fully extinguished. A guest at the hotel explained to firefighters that he was trying to put out bed bugs with a cigarette when the mattress caught fire. The fire then activated an automatic sprinkler. Firefighters remained on scene until several rooms impacted by the smoke were fully cleared. Nobody was injured during the incident. The bed bugs did not survive. *--- Moose Crashes Pool Party, Steals Taco ---* This is what you get for living in Alaska. An intrusive moose crashed an Alaska family's pool party and was filmed drinking water from the pool before stealing a taco. Annah Anderson said her daughters were having a pool party in the back yard of their Alaska home when the girls were sent running by an unexpected moose. Anderson's video shows the moose drinking water from the pool. She said the animal also helped itself to some of the girls' food. "Someone crashed my three daughters pool party. One daughter is still pretty upset about her taco being touched," Anderson wrote. The most disgusting part about this story? Being Alaska; they were probably moose tacos. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: (\ /) (v\ /v) (vvv\ /vvv) (vvvvv\ /vvvvv) (vvvvvvv\ /vvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvv\ _---_ /vvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvvvv\/ XII \/vvvvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvvvvv/ / \vvvvvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvvvv/ / \vvvvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvvv|IX @ III |vvvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvvv\ \ /vvvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvvv\ /vvvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvvv\ VI /vvvvvvvvv) (vvvvvvvv-___-vvvvvvvv) (vvvvvv/ \vvvvvv) (vvvvv/ \vvvvv) (vvv/ \vvv) ejm97 (v/ \v) (/ \) >The Time Machine When I was a little boy, a strange man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason. Now at last I've managed to invent a time machine of my own, so I'm going to go back to when he was a little boy so I can punch him and see how he likes it. -<>- >Jokes Under Investigation Thieves broke into the police station last night and stole all the toilets. A police spokesman said the police have nothing to go on. Someone found a hole in the wall surrounding the nudist camp. Police say they are looking into it. -<>- >The Patient/Doctor Relationship The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change." -<>- >Think About It I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. -<>- '."""""""""""""""""`. `. ... `. `. /@ `. `. .'"":_ :"""""".'| .'//)/) ` (/)/)).' | .'/)_/"" __ ""\.' ^ | |"""(((""""((("""| | | | "" "" | U | | | High Quality | P .' | Bananas | .' | | .' | |' """""""""""""""" >Q and A Quickies Q: What's the best thing to put into a pie? A: Your teeth! Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor? A: Because it wasn't peeling well! Q: What is a pretzel's favorite dance? A: The Twist! Q: Where does a judge eat lunch? A: At the food court. Q: Why do bees have sticky hair? A: They use honeycombs. Q: What do bananas do best in gymnastics? A: Splits! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '===================================== ,sSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "( .:. SSS@ =/ \~/ C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________] \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second." A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar. -<>- A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline. -<>- One day in the army I was assigned KP duty. I reported to the Mess Hall and was told by the sergeant in charge that he wanted me to make 100 gallons of soup for tonight's dinner. I told him I didn't know how to make soup. He handed me a book and told me to follow the directions carefully. A couple hours later I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came up and tasted the soup. He took a second spoonful and stood there staring at me. I thought I had really messed up the soup and was waiting for a reprimand. Instead he said, "This tastes good... are you sure you followed the recipe?" -<>- _.-=-._ o~` ' > `. `. , : `"-.__/ `. / :: / .: .:| : .::!. /'| :: :::'!! .: :/' .::/ !! :::/ :::' !! `:"::'''!! !! / :!!. / .-~-: !!! /: :' !!. ::: :' !! |:: | :!!!! `:: : !!!!' |:. `: . '!!! `::. \ `::. !' _.`::.\ :: .-~_____:~~ :' ~~~ .-'__..-~' JaL ~~~ A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!" The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!" The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way. So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is....MOLASSES!" -<>- One shop owner asks another, "So, have you had any responses to your ad that you're looking for a night watchman?" "Yeah, we got robbed last night." -<>- An older man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son: "Don't be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if anything happens to me your mother is going to come and live with you." -<>- A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?" "I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the same thing?" -<>- Dewey was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French." Dewey ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!" "Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?" "I don't know," Dewey replied; "I couldn't understand a word they were saying." -<>- Needing to look up a phone number while at a friend's house, my teenage daughter asked for a phone book. She might as well have asked for a papyrus scroll. "A phone book?" asked her friend. "You know," said my daughter. "A book with numbers in it." "Oh," said her friend as it dawned on her. "You mean a math book." -<>- A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shop- lifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?" -<>- . / \ _\ /_ . . (,'v`.) . . \) ( ) ,' `. ( ) (/ \`. / `-' `-' \ ,'/ : ' _______ ' : | _,-' ,-. `-._ | |,' ( )__`-'__( ) `.| (|,-,'-._ _.-`.-.|) / /<( o)> <( o)>\ \ : : | | : : | | ; : | | | | (.-.) | | | | ,' ___ `. | | ; |)/ ,'---'. \(| : _,-/ |/\( )/\| \-._ _..--'.-( | `-'''-' | )-.`--.._ `. ;`._________,': ,' ,' `/ \'`. `------.------' SSt ' Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a sharp, three-piece tunic. "This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said the first one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first woman. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise King did not hesitate a moment. "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the King's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law." ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: \||/ ,--. | o|o //OO\\ | _| ||c || |(_ | /| `--' `--' azc >Quotes by Goldie Hawn: The uncertainty that darkness brings can humble even the hardest soul. It is not who we meet along life?s highway that matters; it is how we treat them. The two most beautiful words in the English language are "check enclosed." -- Dorothy Parker A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety. ? -- Aesop -<>- After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going to retire. ?But you can?t!? protested the boss. ?Where am I going to find another man of your caliber?? -<>- ______ \ \. |`\_____\ |` | | | | | __-====-__ _| | | (~< >~> \ | | !~~-====-~~/----`+----/ \ \___ / >------\ \ < unknown <_________________> Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School. So they went to the nearest church. Only the janitor was there. One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us? "Sure," said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "Now go out and play." When they got outside, dripping wet, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you." "We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water." "We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle you." The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water!" "Yeah! What do you think that means?" "I think it means we're Pisscopalians.? -<>- >Lil Johnny asks.... Daddy, how was I born? DAD SAYS: Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said: You've Got Male! -<>- ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >Older 'n Dirt! "Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?" "We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow." "C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?" "It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained. "Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it." By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it: Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died. My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger. I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had. I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line. Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was. All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day. Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them. If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it? ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit Dog Day Afternoon! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogday.html Giraffe Manor! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giraffemanor.html Back In Time! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/backintime.html Big Boy Toys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigboytoys.html Truth In Advertising!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ads.html God's Little Love Notes!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/notes.html Who Is Jesus Christ? http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/whoisjesus.html Thailand's Tigers 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tiger2.html Earth In Perspective!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/earth.html Backpack Cat! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/backpack.html Building Advertising Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingads.html Texas Outhouse Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html Endangered Wolf!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolf.html Awesome Bikes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebikes.html Romantic Castles!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/castles.html The Wild Ones!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildones.html Toyger Mini Tiger!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/minitiger.html 'Why Me'? Moments! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whyme.html World Of Big Cats!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigcats.html Mule VS Lion!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mulelion.html Hoppy The Deer!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hoppy.html Extreme US Spas!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/topspas.html Summer Index!- https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) From jazz age sass, to Coco Chanel-inspired chic, to the psychadelic 70s, this is one history lesson you don‘t want to miss! https://youtu.be/M4z90wlwYs8 Ryan Hayashi is a samurai and magician with a great sense of humor. He has won five European magic championships. https://youtu.be/nLuZA_ow79E --- ...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From our Friend Melody What A Wonderful World With David Attenborough http://www.youtube.com/embed/auSo1MyWf8g?rel=0 --- ...Sweet! Thanks Melody! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new study has found that being good-looking can hurt a man's career because the people in charge of hiring see attractive men as a threat. So if you're a man who was recently hired for a new job, congratulations. You're hideous." -James Corden "Experts in Israel are trying to re-create a wine used in the time of Jesus. Apparently, all they need is some water and Jesus." -Conan O'Brien "Costco has to pay Tiffany's $19 million for selling 2,500 fake Tiffany rings. Husbands don't know what's worse, having to tell their wife her ring ISN'T from Tiffany, or that it IS from Costco. 'I've got bad news and worse news...'" -Jimmy Fallon "A new study came out that reveals some dangerous side effects from childbirth. The dangerous side effects women suffer include pelvic injuries, muscle tears, and children." -Conan O'Brien "A new poll found that women in America are angrier about current events than men. And if you want to make them even angrier, just tell them they seem angry." -Jimmy Fallon "The jackpot is up to an enormous sum. Playing the Powerball is a great way to spend quality time with strangers outside gas stations." -Jimmy Kimmel "Nintendo fans are worried about Mario's brother, Luigi, because in a trailer for a new game, he appears as a ghost. They said 30 years of jumping 'groin-first' into a flagpole must've finally caught up to him." -Jimmy Fallon "A beach near San Francisco yesterday hosted the annual world dog surfing championships. And just like last year, the surfers had a really hard time staying on their dogs." -Seth Meyers "A man in Florida was recently arrested after running into a liquor store with a live alligator and chasing people who were shopping there. I'm just going to say it: This emotional support animal thing has officially gone too far." -James Corden >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************