Only An Aussie Man And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press! :) This smokin hot one comes from a forward from our friend Sharon. These endangered cubs sure are cute! Check them out here... _ __ _ ;' '',) /;6 , ;/ (Y)_:., | `-', :; \ |; ,.:\ /:.; ;;) |:;,.'| :/ / |: / ; / /:;\ `| "// /_,: | |./,| _/: \.'|,|/| | /:.,:.|,|"| |:| /:;:|:,/;|:| |'| snd |',:| \_ \ |_|;\_ /;\_ /\_)) \_))\_)) (;(________ '''''`'''~` Tierpark Leopard Cubs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopardcubs.html --- ...Awww, they are so adorable! Thanks Sharon! ================ >-->From Our Friends At TruthOrTradition.com :) , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >LIVE VIDEO TEACHING: Join us Wednesday night at 8pm ET 30 minutes of teaching on the Spiritual Battle Model of Life. Plus, time for questions afterwards. http://www.truthortradition.com/emails/livestream-2012-5/index.html ============================================================== >-->From TheFunnyBone: The Cat To English Dictionary CAT PHRASE - MEANING ,_ _, Miaow - Feed me. |\\`-"""-`//| \ :'.': / meeow - Pet me. /=- -=\.=";```":, |= Y =|':. ': ':`. mrooww - I love you. \'._.-'-._.'/ ': : : '\ { '. `'-'` .' } '/.:. ': \ miioo-oo-oo - I am in love {=. ` '-' ` .=} |:' .: \ =} and must meet my betrothed { =. "=_ _=" .= }.=\:' .: | =} outside beneath the hedge. \= \ ` / =/'.=`'--; //= } Don't wait up. '._ `\=/` _.' (_.-=-=-=-'=.' \,,),,/ ( ,-==-==` mrow - I feel like making noise. `._) jgs rrrow-mawww - Please, the time is come to tidy the cat box. rrrow-miawww - I have remedied the cat box untidiness by shoveling the contents as far out of the box as was practical. miaowmiaow - Play with me. miaowmioaw - Have you noticed the shortage of available cat toys in this room? mioawmioaw - Since I can find nothing better to play with, I shall see what happens when I sharpen my claws on this handy piece of furniture. raowwwww - I think I shall now spend time licking the most private parts of my anatomy. mrowwwww - (only heard in males) I am (\ now recalling, with sorrow, that some of )) )\\ my private parts did not return with me (( / .( from that visit to the vet. \\.-"```"'` =_/= > , / roww-maww-roww - I am so glad to see \ )__.\ | that you have returned home with both > / / ||\\ arms full of groceries. I will now rub jgs \\ \\ \\ \\ myself against your legs and attempt to `" `" `" `" trip you as you walk towards the kitchen. mmeww - I believe I have heard a burglar. If you would like to go and beat him senseless, I shall be happy to keep your spot in the bed warm. gakk-ak-ak - My digestive passages seem to have formed a hair ball. Wherever could this have come from? I shall leave it here upon the carpeting. , \)\_ mow - Snuggling is a good idea. / '. .---._ =P ^ ` '. moww - Shedding is pretty good, too. `--. / \ .-'( \ | mowww! - I was enjoying snuggling (.-' )-..__> , ; and shedding in the warm clean laundry (_.--`` (__.-/ / until you removed me so unkindly. .-.__.-'.' jgs '-...-' .-o=o-. , /=o=o=o=\ .--. miaow! miaow! - I have _|\|=o=O=o=O=| \ discovered that, although one __.' a`\=o=o=o=(`\ / may be able to wedge his body '. a 4/`|.-""'`\ \ ;'`) .---. through the gap behind the stove \ .' / .--' |_.' / .-._) and into that little drawer `) _.' / /`-.__.' / filled with pots and pans, the jgs `'-.____; /'-.___.-' reverse path is slightly more `"""` difficult to navigate. mraakk! - Oh, small bird! Please come over here. .--. ssssroww! - I believe that I ." o \__ have found a woodchuck. I shall _.-" ,( ` now act terribly brave. _.-" ,;;| _.-=" _," ,,;;;' mmmmmmm - If I sit in the .-"`_.-"``-..,,;;;;:' sunshine for another week or so, `"'` `\`\ I think I shall be satisfied. jgs /^\\\ ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) @ ) (_m_\ \\" _.`~. `(#'/.\) .>' (_--, _=/d . ^\ ~~ \)-' ' / | ptr ##'##'#after a:f############## ################################# >Will Rogers I'm sure you've heard some of these sayings before but I'll bet you didn't know they were all authored by Will Rogers. -- "Never squat while wearing your spurs" Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known. Enjoy the following: 1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. 2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. 4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 5. Always drink upstream from the herd. 6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. 7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket. 8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. 9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. 12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ABOUT GROWING OLDER... First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved. Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young. Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been. Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf. And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old. --- ...TeeHee! That's Right! Thanks Linda! -<>- o o o o |\/ \^/ \/| |,-------.| ,-.(|) (|),-. \_*._ ' '_.* _/ /`-.`--' .-'\ ,--./ `---' \,--. \ |( ) ( )| / hjw \ | || || | / `97 \ | /|\ /|\ | / / \-._ _,-/ \ //| \\ `---' // |\\ /,-.,-.\ /,-.,-.\ o o o o o o >A Bad attitude We are all at different paths In our lives, But no matter where we go, We take a little of Each other every where! Opportunity may knock once, But temptation bangs On your front door forever. A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You ain't going no where Till you change it. The best thing About the future Is that it comes only One day at a time. Out of difficulties grow miracles. Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice At the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow. Only those who risk going too far Can possibly find out How far one can go. Though no one can go back and Make a brand new start, Anybody can start from NOW And make a brand new ending. We may not have it all together, But together we have it all. ~~unknown --- ...Awww, flipping it to the 'Orangy Side!' - Love It! Thanks Linda! -<>- _ |_| | |_/ _ _ (_) _ | | | (` \) . | \ (` (` |) (_ (_) ,-.(_) | o o o / | `-' _ (_) * .|, * O -x- '|` \ \ |// | * ( %%%)%%%/%%% % -+- O _ %\%%%%%%%%(%%%%%/ | %%%%%%%%%%)%%%)%(%%\ _ %%/ __^_ _^__ \%%% (_) _|_ ) |"\=(((@))=((@)))=/"|% | ( %\_( ,`--'(_)`--'. )_/ % \ ) /%%( /______I______\ )% ) ) , _/%%%%\\\_|_|_|_|_|_///%%% ,----.-._ ( / %% %%\ `|_|_|_|_|' /%\%%\ / __ `.``. \( -%% %%%%`---.___,---'%%%% ) / / _`.__))))____` ( %% % %% \ ( @)__,._ :%## % % \ .' )`-----.%## / `' ,' Stef >Hey! I got mine! Did you get yours yet? Check your Mailbox! Just wanted to let you know - today I received my 2012 Social Security Stimulus Package. It contained two tomato seeds, cornbread mix, a prayer rug, a machine to blow smoke, 10 discount coupons to KFC and an "Obama Hope & Change" bumper sticker. The directions were in Spanish. Hope you get yours soon! --- ...LMAO! Thanks Linda! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) ,"=-. / _),`'". ( /a( ), ) ) C = = ?/ ( )) (_ o-< ) ( `-' \; ( \_ ( | \ ) )| \_/} \ \ \(_;/-|_) )/) `._,--/ / / `!__!! ( (_o)) ---`-._, )--- ------( / |---- | ( | :__/|\_; \ |/ )(\_ /_)--` gpyy \_! Boy we’ve come a long way Virginia (that’s one of mother’s sayings, I don’t have a clue who Virginia is), but read below and see how silly our world is changing and not for the good. You should know that by today's standards none of us were ever supposed to make it. >HIGH SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2012 Scenario 1: Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack. 1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack. 2012 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers. Scenario 2: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. 1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies. 2012 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it. Scenario 3: Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students. 1957 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again. 2012 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The family gets extra money (SSI) from the government because Jeffrey has a disability. Scenario 4: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt. 1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.. 2012 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse, Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist. Scenario 5: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school. 1957 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.. 2012 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons. Scenario 6: Pedro fails high school English. 1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college. 2012 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum.. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English. Scenario 7: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed. 1957 - Ants die. 2012 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents - and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. Scenario 8: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, . Mary hugs him to comfort him. 1957 In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing. 2012 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy. The School is charged for endangering a child by letting Johnny run during recess. Johnny's parents win a big tax-payer paid lawsuit. This should hit every email inbox to show how stupid we have become! --- ...Yeah - You got that right! Thanks Bunni! =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) ... ;::::; ;::::; :; ;:::::' :; ;:::::; ;. ,:::::' ; OOO\ ::::::; ; OOOOO\ ;:::::; ; OOOOOOOO ,;::::::; ;' / OOOOOOO ;:::::::::`. ,,,;. / / DOOOOOO .';:::::::::::::::::;, / / DOOOO ,::::::;::::::;;;;::::;, / / DOOO ;`::::::`'::::::;;;::::: ,#/ / DOOO :`:::::::`;::::::;;::: ;::# / DOOO ::`:::::::`;:::::::: ;::::# / DOO `:`:::::::`;:::::: ;::::::#/ DOO :::`:::::::`;; ;:::::::::## OO ::::`:::::::`;::::::::;:::# OO `:::::`::::::::::::;'`:;::# O `:::::`::::::::;' / / `:# ::::::`:::::;' / / `# unknown >Proof Of Death: Finally, we have conclusive evidence that Osama bin Laden and Muammar Gaddafi are dead. Yesterday, they both registered to vote in Chicago. --- ...LMAO! Thanks PatDeE! ============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From the TeaParty: David vs. Goliath, AARP vs. AMAC 2 years later http://tinyurl.com/cyl2pdw Breaking News: 'James Madison is turning over in his grave' http://tinyurl.com/cupa3xq -<>- >From Our Friend EdLaF :) Sheriff Joe's Obama Investigation Biggest Scandal in America http://tinyurl.com/d5j9vq3 --- ...Interesting! Thanks EdLaF! -<>- >From PatriotUpdate: How to Buy Gasoline for 20 Cents a Gallon http://tinyurl.com/clk3paf -<>- >From BizarreNews: People die all the time. The world is a dangerous place. More dangerous for some than others. If you are a cop or a fire fighter or a fisherman in Alaska, there is an expectation of danger, even death. But if you work in a warehouse you don't expect to be killed, and certainly not by beans. That is exactly what happened to a 56-year-old man in Colorado who was buried under a 20-foot mound of pinto beans. Raymond Segura Jr. died at the Kelley Bean Company after efforts to reach him alive were unsuccessful. Dozens of rescue workers and even four inmates from the county jail spent an hour digging through a mound of the legumes to get to the trapped worker, but he was dead when crews reached him. Tragic, certainly, but not nearly as bizarre as the death of a California woman who died last week from a chainsaw injury. Now a chainsaw injury isn't all that bizarre. Chain- saws are dangerous things to begin with. You don't often see a woman swinging one around, but it is not completely out of the ordinary. No, this death is bizarre because the authorities have con- cluded that it was a suicide. That's right, the 47-year-old was found with a fatal chainsaw wound to her neck and the LA County Coroner's Office determined it was self-inflicted. Of all the ways to kill yourself; drugs, hanging, jumping off of a bridge, putting a pistol in your mouth, and dozens of other perfectly effective ways to punch your own ticket, why would you try to chop your own head off with a chainsaw? Maybe I'm just a coward. *-- Minn. firefighters douse flames in drag --* PADUA, Minn. - Two male firefighters didn't let their off-the-shoulder, floor-length dresses stop them from doing their duty during the weekend, Minnesota fire officials say. Sauk Centre Fire Chief John Egan told WCCO-TV, Minneapolis, the two Sedan Fire Department firefighters were dressed in drag for Saturday's parade in Padua. Despite the "hot" numbers they were wearing -- one a bright coral gown and the other turquoise -- the two firefighters jumped into action when flames erupted from a nearby pickup truck and spread to a second vehicle. They used a fire hose to extinguish the blaze. *-- Urologists offer pizza with a vasectomy --* SANDWHICH, Mass. - A Cape Cod, Mass., urologist is offer- ing a free pizza to men who are seeking vasectomies in March, officials said. The Urology Associates of Cape Cod is running TV commercials offering a free pizza with a vasectomy, the Cape Cod (Mass.) Times reported Thursday. March Madness is also tied into the deal as a way of enticing men to undergo the procedure, which requires men to sit on the couch and rest for a few days. The ads feature an attractive woman playing with a basketball and a voice over that asks: "Hey guys! Want to watch the college basketball tournament guilt-free?" Then, the free pizza with a vasectomy offer is presented. "You know you've been thinking about a vasectomy, anyway. Now's the time to get it done," the voice over says. Urology Associates of Cape Cod administrator Evan Cohen said March is the busiest time of year for vasectomies for his practice, with perhaps 45 to 60 being performed. He said he hopes the pizza pro- motion -- a free one-topping pizza from Surf's Up Pizza and Seafood in Sandwich -- drums up some extra business. "It does actually come with one topping. Maybe you can put some meatballs on it," joked Cohen. *-- Man wore only sheer hose on lower body --* ROCHESTER HILLS, Mich. - Authorities in Michigan said a man being sought for 10 indecent exposure incidents was seen wearing nothing but sheer pantyhose on his lower body. The Oakland County Sheriff's Office said the man has been seen wearing nothing over his genitals but the sheer pantyhose 10 times in the Detroit area, most recently last week at Salon Bliss in Rochester Hills, the Detroit Free Press reported Tuesday. Workers at the salon said the man asked about getting a Brazilian wax. "The man walked to both sides of the counter, apparently so that everyone could clearly see him," the sheriff's office said in a news release. Deputies said the man, who also wore a button-up shirt, a baseball hat and slippers during last week's incident, is also believed to be behind similar indecent exposure incidents in Canton, Auburn Hills, Bloomfield Township, Chesterfield Township and West Bloomfield. The suspect was described as in his 50s or 60s and about 6 feet tall with a pot belly. *-- Woman finds feather in McNuggets --* ELKHART, Ind. - An Indiana woman said she found what she believes to be a feather in one of the chicken McNuggets she purchased from McDonald's. Raquel House said she bought the four-piece McNuggets Tuesday from the McDonald's on Cassopolis Street in Elkhart and she discovered the feather-like object when she took a bite from the second nugget, WBND-TV, South Bend, reported Thursday. "I started to feel like there was hair in my mouth, and that's when I saw that there was white hair on my tongue; and I looked at my food, and there was feathers coming off the nugget," House said. She said the incident has left her feeling nauseous. "I was really upset, I mean, now I've kind of calmed down but to me this is just being a responsible citizen in our community and that's just letting people know what's going on," House said. Harry Smith, owner of the McDonald's franchise in Elkhart, said Tuesday the matter is being investigated. "We take matters regarding food safety and quality very seriously and caution anyone from jumping to conclusions. Upon learning about this claim, we immediately began the process of collecting the facts. Our customer's health and safety is paramount," he said. --- ...Around here they raised the nugget price from 20 cents each to 25 cents each so I'm boycotting them any way! That's like if $4 gas would jump to $5 over night! Outrageous! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Sharon :) :e 'M$\ sf$$br J\J\J$L$L :d )fM$$$$$r ..P*\ .4MJP '*\ sed"""""" ser d$$$F .M\ ..JM$$$B$$$$BJ$MR ... dF nMMM$$$R$$$$$$$h"$ks$$"$$r J\.. .MMM8$$$$$LM$P\..'**\ *\ d :d$r "M$$$$br'$M\d$R J\MM\ *L *M$B8MM$B.** :fd$> :fhr 'MRM$$M$$" MJ$> '5J5..M8$$> :fMM d$Fd$$R$$F 4M$P .$$*.J*$$** M4$> '$>dRdF MMM\ *L*B. Rosemary Lyndall Wemm :$$F ?k"Re .$$P\ **'$$B... :e$F" '"""" >Only an Aussie man can make you feel like a woman A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning. One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried. Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?' For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane. He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest. She gasped... Then, he spoke... 'Iron this -- and then get me a beer.' --- ...LOL! Thanks Sharon! ===================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: Did you hear the new California quarter's reverse side features a bear, a miner, a condor, a redwood, and poppies? The engraving depicts the bear observing the miner as he cooks the condor over a redwood fire he made after smoking a distillate of the poppies. -<>- .-----. .'`-. / ,-- | .- `-. ,' ,-' `. _.-' ,-.`.) ; / ,=---`--+' .- -. `. ( \ ,' =,- ,' ( o ) | /\ : : / =,-' / \-' ;(o : \ | ' ; ( `--' \ ; \ | = | \`--+ --. `( `+ =/ : : `. `. \ ' =/ \ `--. '-. `. `. \ =; `._ : ( `-. `. `. \ = ; `._.' `-.-`-._\ `-. \= ' _.-'_) (::::) `+ -. `--7' `--`..' ( : .' ; \ | | / \ | _.-| +---' `--+ `. \ \ /`. '-.-\ `--. / /#### `----.' ( ,-'############\ \\/###############; \###############/ kOs |--------------| _.--------- :::::::::::::::|_.-'' ::::::::::_.-'' .-''..'---'-------'' We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a baby boomer from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me." By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?" "No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car." -<>- My daughter Marina worked in my law office while she attended graduate school. One morning a call came in for her. I said she wasn't in yet and offered to take a message. The caller said she'd phone back later. At 11:00 a.m., the caller tried again, and I reported that Marina had gone to lunch. The last call came in at 3:30 p.m. "I'm sorry," I said, "she's left for the day. May I take a message?" "Yes," the caller replied. "How can I get a job with you?" -<>- Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde says, "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?" -<>- .-~-. .' '. / \ .-~-. : ; .' '.| | / \ : : ; .-~""~-,/ | /` `'. : | \ \ | / `. .' \ .' jgs `~~~` '-.____.-' One year, my six year old son and twelve year old daughter were in the kitchen helping me boil eggs to color for Easter. The pot of eggs had starting to boil and they were making the strange noises that they sometimes do. My son heard the noise and was walking around the kitchen with his head cocked to one side listening, trying to figure out where the noise was coming from. As he got near the stove and noticed it was coming from the pot of eggs, he asked what was making that sound. Without missing a beat, his older sister answers, "It's the baby chicks screaming!" His eyes nearly popped out of his head! -<>- I went to the registry of motor vehicles to renew my license. When I handed the clerk a check to pay for the license she asked for some identification. I pointed to the renewed picture license that she was holding in her hand. =========================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: .-""""-. |== ==|-. |~~ ~~~|`\\ |LILILI| || | |// | |/ | | jgs __|______|__ [____________] >You Just never know how good you've got it... Summer Could Bring Gas Shortages 9:12 am PST, 5 March 2004 The U.S. Department of Energy says it is "concerned" gas shortages could plague the nation during the upcoming summer months, when driving is heavier due to vacations and other outings. The agency also repeated its earlier concerns about higher gas prices on Thursday, but so far no answers for either dilemma have been forthcoming, USA Today reported. "This administration is extremely concerned" about the near-record gas prices, Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham said. In separate news, the head of the Energy Information Administration, Guy Caruso, told a Senate panel that "many signs are pointing to a tight gasoline market this driving season," repeating the caution about possible shortages from a recent EIA analysis. The average price nationwide for a gallon of regular unleaded gasoline is $1.709. The record was $1.737 Aug. 30 of last year, according to motorist's club AAA. -<>- A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me." "This one's kind of strange..." "Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied. "Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies." "I see." "That afternoon I went again and there were nickels in the bowl." "Uh-huh" "That night," she went on, "there were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!," she implored, "I'm scared out of my wits!" The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's nothing to be scared about." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ (Ready for this?) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ "You're simply going through the change." -<>- Why didn't President Clinton bring the troops back from the Persian Gulf sooner? Because there were so many husbands away from so many wives it took him months to catch up. -<>- >The Truth About Version Numbers How should a software revision level be interpreted? Here's a quick guide for anyone short of a clue: 0.1 - We've got a really great way to do things. 0.9 - We think it works, but we won't bet our lives on it. 1.0 - Management is on the case; seems like a low risk. 1.01 - Okay, we knew about that; all known bugs are fixed. 1.02 - We've fixed bugs you wouldn't see in 27,000 years, i.e. more than three times the age of the universe. 1.03 - Fixes bugs in the bug fixes. 1.04 - All right, this really does fix all known bugs. 1.05 - Fixes the bugs introduced in revision 1.04. 1.1 - A new crew has been hired to write the documentation. 1.2 - Somebody has actually changed a functional feature. 2.0 - Another new crew has been hired to write software. The old crew is blamed for all previous bugs. 2.01 - The new crew has sent out their resumes to placement agencies. Go back ten squares and return to version 0.1 -<>- &&& && && &&&&. &&& .&&&&& && &&& &&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&& & &` && && .&&&&& &&&; &8 .&&&: && &` & && 8&& & `& && && .&_ oO_&.-.-. && ( __ -/--' &&~ .'-__-'& &&&~`'\`& &&&~` _& &&&&` && &&8&&&& &&&&&&& & &&&&&&& &&;&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& ~~~ .~~~~~ `&&&&&&&&& ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~;!&&&&&&&&&&~/~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~\~~~~&/` \`~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ `~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ >DAFFYNITIONS Catamount: The number of kitties the mama gave birth to (Cynthia MacGregor) Determination: Talking the boss out of firing you. (Ken Pinkham) Daze: The period from dawn to dusk (Stan Kegel) Waterborne: How whales are delivered. (Douglas Ditch) Hexagone: Curse from an Italian has been removed. (Brandy Brandon) Intense: Where Indians lived (Rosalie Moscovitch) Hot flash: A late-breaking news story. (Richard Lederer) Colonnade: A laxative (Cynthia MacGregor) AAAAA: An organization for people who are driven to drink. (Lawrence) Isolate: What the rabbit said in Alice in Wonderland (Stan Kegel) Innuendo: Where you keep the candle burning when you're expecting someone. (Gary Hallock) Independence: Incontinent kinfolk. (Ken Pinkham) Ecstatic: A female chromosome that's going nowhere. (Gary Hallock) Quartz: Two pintz (Stan Kegel) Florescent: Shinny penny on the ground. (Tim Bruening) Docent: A buck attractor (Brandy Brandon) Bonaparte: One piece separated from the rest of the skeleton (Rosalie Moscovitch) Inspire: One who spies on motels and resorts (Douglas Drill) Zebra - What cup size Dolly Parton wear to hold 'em (Ken Pinkham) Lambent: A specialist doctor for the ears, noses etc. of young sheep. (Gunjan Saraf) Literate: To have eaten trash or garbage (Stan Kegel) Grocer: A knight that's getting taller. (Tim Bruening) Armenian: I am trying to tell you (Cynthia MacGregor) Prorate: What call girls charge you. (Douglas Drill) Zinc - What Germans have in ze kitchen (Ken Pinkham) Lucidity: A comical song performed by Ms. Ball. (Gary Hallock) Escalator: What you do if she’s too busy to answer you now. (Rosalie Moscovitch) Yale: What a southern cheerleader does at a football game (Stan Kegel) Submission: Where fish go to church. (Tim Bruening) Harbor: One who plays the instrument associated with the angels. (Cynthia MacGregor) -<>- ,; , ;;;. .;;;;;. .;;';;';. (Mother!) ;;' ; / ,;; Oo ;;. .' ---`- '_.__ ; .' ....-``` . `. . '.. ..;`--- ``.' ````````'-.' ```````````` BP >VERBAL ABUSE Sheriff: I'm not SHERIFF he's a law man or just a hired gun. (Gary Hallock) Mister: You're too late. You just MISTER (Stan Kegel) Fail: If you make Ms. Wray climb the Empire State Building one more time, FAIL be too tired to shoot another scene. (Cynthia MacGregor) Termite: Unless I get better grades this TERMITE be my last at the university (Douglas Drill) Odor: He had to pay what he ODOR the car would be repossessed. (Stan Kegel) Catacomb: "I went to the Douglas/ Hollyfield fight and sat next to Don King: man, someone oughta get that CATACOMB." (Darnell) Felon: When I tried to jump over the bar I FELON my rear. (Douglas Drill) Moraine: The weatherman predicted 3 days MORAINE. (Stan Kegel) Yeti: I didn't see the abominable snowman YETI was there just the same. (Gary Hallock) Organize: The man sitting by the ORGANIZE the preacher strangely from time to time. (Douglas Drill) Jumper: My car battery is dead. Do you have cables so we can JUMPER. (Stan Kegel) Squadron: Just for laughs, the sergeant rode in his jeep and made the rest of the SQUADRON. (Douglas Drill) Morbid: E-Bay states if you include a picture, you will get MORBIDs. (Stan Kegel) Climate: When I saw that mountain, I knew I had to CLIMATE. (Douglas Drill) -<>- , ,;;,. ;;;;;; ;; ;; ; _;; o;o; / __`` ` \ `.\ \ `-...--. .\,\ ./---' .\)'.___.' .\_.- ---' BP >TOM SWIFTIES "1 plan to work in a cemetery," Tom plotted gravely. (Richard Lederer) "This plane is about to crash!" Tom sobbed uncontrollably. (Paul Dickson) “I’m just about through taking your blood sample for testing,” Tom said in vain. (Stan Kegel) "Raise the pitch one half-note," Tom said sharply. (Jason Dias) “I became rich through oil,” Tom boasted crudely. ( Paul Dickson) "I'll tell you who stole the money," Tom sang. (Jason Dias) “This exam is the toughest of the year,” he attested. (Paul Dickson) "It reads the same forwards as backwards," said a pallid Rome. (Jason Dias) “I’m glad I got my headlight fixed,” Tom beamed. (Paul Dickson) "Please God, let me catch a rabbit today," preyed the cat. (Jason Dias) “This isn’t real turtle soup,” said Tom mockingly (Richard Lederer) -<>- >CHIASMS When fathers ignore sons, ignorant sons father. (Leslie Schmeisser) Man: "If you really loved me you'd do what I like." Woman: "If you really loved me you'd like what I do." (Philip Noble) It's better to introduce yourself to someone with whom you'd like to wake up than to wake up with someone to whom you have to introduce yourself. (Jim Blockinger) My job is to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable (Russ) I'd prefer to let the guy who knows what he's doing do what he knows. (Jim Clark) Teachers operate at a higher level of effectiveness when they question answers than when they answer questions. (Dr. Mardy Grothe) -<>- That Was DDDDEEEESSSSPICABLE!!!!! ___ __ _/:::>__ /:/_/::/ _/::> _/:(/:::\_/::/ _):::::::::::::\ _/::::::::::::::::\____ / \:::::::::/ \ | ::/\ :::::::: / \:: | / ::/ \ :::::: / |:::/ /:::| \::::::::/ |:::\ /::::| \::::::/ |::::\ ,------: \::::/ :------, / ___ \0 / \ 0 / ___ \ : ,-' ) ` `---' `---' ( `-, : \_ \ ' ` \_ _/ \____\ \/ \ _______\________ \ ,-' ) \ ,- ,----------- _/ \ ,-' \\ ) _/ (___________/__________\\ / :;;;\___________________) ______,:;;;;;;;;:______ ,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\_ /;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\_ /;;;;;;__;;;; ;;;;;; ;;;;;;;;;;\ Targon >QUOTES AND BLOOPERS A billion here, a couple of billion there - first thing you know it adds up to be real money. (Senator Everett Dirksen) On the appearance of Clayton Moore at a Blue Jays home game - “It's not very often you get to see the Lone Ranger and Toronto in the same night." (Bobby Bragan) At the slightest prevarication he flies off the handle. (Syman Hirsch) Yes, Mr. Tyson. It's not uncommon for prize fighters to suffer this sort of injury. It seems your manager has run off with your money leaving you with a bankruptured spleen. (Gary Hallock) Manchester (NH) Daily Times: "The Lewis County Board of Legislatures have authorized the creation of a petty cash fund for the weekly purchase of dry ice used for incest control" (Claudette Knieriem/ Dave Barry) -<>- >SIGNS ADS AND HEADLINES Harrison (PA) Patriot News : "Smoking organ causes stir at nursing home." (Dolores Evans/Dave Barry) Archaeologist digs up dirt on his wife (Stephan Kramer) Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half (Funny Pics) Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men. (The Sunday Oregonian) Death row inmate released from prison after finding an escape clause in his sentence (Stephen Kramer) Dentist attempts off-shore drilling (Stephen Kramer) Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere else again. (Doug Helsel) Cabinet maker killed in counter offensive (Stephen Kramer) -<>- >Thoughts Most people deserve each other. All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken. The one who snores will fall asleep first. The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding. The gifts you buy your spouse are never as good and apropos as the gifts your neighbor buys their spouse. Never get overly excited about a man/woman by just the way they look from behind. If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the next time they are in need. The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with. Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed. -<>- >Beckham and a special meal When David Beckham got to New York after the match Posh Spice cooked him a special meal including pheasant. David didn't want it as he preferred to get in the jacuzzi. It's not the first time he's thrown the game for an early bath. -<>- ______ .-' . . .'-. / ' \ ' \ | ' \ ' | | : () : | | . . | \ . . . . / `-.______.-' )( / \ / ?? \ (weight) ___)____(___ jgs [____________] >Dieting Buddies Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently. "Great," Sue exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first." "Wonderful," Mary replied. "I'll go with you." ======================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Buy A Dog! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buyadog.html Jesus Clinic! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/clinic.html Maria The Goose! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html Chalk Art 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart5.html Trash Shadow Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/shadowart.html Awesome Hotel! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/qhotel.html Amazing Cop Cars 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html Backpack Cat! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/backpack.html Extreme Camping! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html Elephant Rescue! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephants.html Great Banyan Tree! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/banyan.html -<>- >From Our Friend Brenda :) For the ladies/girls only! (or for guys TO a girlfriend)! After you type your/her name a card comes up with Sorry Sorry Sorry on it, just wait about 10 to 20 seconds, it is really worth the wait and fun too, what people can do with computers today No really, you have to try this..... http://www.obtampons.ca/apology --- ...What a delightful one! Thanks Brenda! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Please, take the time and watch this THIS A VIDEO TAKEN BY A STATE TROOPER DASH CAM. SEE HOW QUICKLY YOUR LIFE COULD CHANGE BY TAKING YOUR EYES OFF THE ROAD FOR A SPLIT SECOND. THINK ABOUT THIS NEXT TIME YOU SEE SOMEONE TEXTING OR READING A BOOK OR PUTTING ON THEIR MAKEUP, WHILE DRIVING. DON'T TEXT AND DRIVE! http://rmirror.net/r/videos/comments/q5hu9/car_accident_nsfl/ --- ...Wow! That was horrific! Thanks for the reminder PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Sharon :) Happiness is... Surfin' FUN! http://tinyurl.com/ckd9rl4 --- ...LOL! Great To Watch! Thanks Sharon! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva/A beautiful video on this page http://silverandgoldandthee.net/C/Grt.html Carolyn with/ Poetry In Motion http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/poetryinmotion.html Willis (Sears) Tower http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/willist.html Woman's Dream http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woman.html Visit Melissa's Online Store You can get anything you want (except for Melissa ) at the online store http://pdhomes.net/mall/babylissa/mySTORES/ISELL4.html If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "It takes time to raise about 25 children. I know, I have two myself. That's plenty. Mine are twins, though. Both of them. They're awfully cute. I can't think of their names. They don't come when I call them anyway." --Victor Borge After playing 18 holes of golf, our foursome was sitting around the clubhouse settling our bets when another golfer stormed in. Fuming after a lousy round, he slammed down his scorecard and announced, "If I wasn't married, I'd give this stupid game up!" "It is officially spring. Al Gore blamed the end of winter on global warming." -Jay Leno "Wal-Mart now classifies its customers into three groups: Brand Aspirationals, Price Sensitive Affluents, and Value- Priced Shoppers. When they heard this, Wal-Mart customers said, 'Which aisle has them big boxes of shampoo?'" -Conan O'Brien "Tomorrow, for the first day of spring, Dunkin Donuts is giving away free iced coffee. So if you're going to commit a crime, tomorrow would probably be the day." -Craig Ferguson "For those who may not know this: When the preacher says, 'You may now kiss the bride,' he's only speaking to the groom." - David Gunter "It's chilly here. But it's terrible weather back East. Another massive snowstorm has hit the Northeast... Or, as environmentalists call it, a 'temporary global warming hiatus.'" -Jay Leno "Today is the first day of spring. Today is the day that the city takes off the manhole covers and puts in the screens." -Dave Letterman >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************