Only In America & More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News: >Hot off the 'Shangy' Press... This one is so hot it is smokin' In a Blink Of An Eye http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eye.html In A Blink Of An Eye ================================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: ,___ The Man On The Ladies Tee || 1 `'--. ||__..--'` || It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course || and I was beginning my pre-shot routine on #1, || visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice || came over the clubhouse loudspeaker. || __||_\\ \\\/// "Would the gentleman on .'` || `"""----.....___---'` `- the Ladies tee back up to .-||-. () the Men's tee please!!" `""""` __ _.-----.._ I was still deep in my 'jgs--' `\\\-----/// \\\ routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement - "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee." I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mike and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?" ===================================================================== +------------------- Bizarre Holidays --------------------+ December December 1 is National Pie Day and Eat A Red Apple Day December 2 is National Fritters Day December 3 is National Roof-Over-Your-Head Day December 4 is Wear Brown Shoes Day December 5 is National Sacher Torte Day December 6 is National Gazpacho Day and Mitten Tree Day December 7 is National Cotton Candy Day December 8 is Take It In The Ear Day For the rest of the list, go to: Bizarre News ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Maxy's Pal :) Stroke Warning Signs If you notice one or more of these signs, don't wait. Stroke is a medical emergency. Call 9-1-1 or your emergency medical services. Get to a hospital right away! http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4742 --- ...A Good One - Thanks Maxy's Pal! ================================================================== >-->Headlines from My Life Copyright 2003 W. Bruce Cameron — Please do not remove the copyright from this essay My favorite kind of news stories are the ones with a headline like this: Cameron Wins Powerball Lottery. Then I want a brief paragraph, nothing more, describing the circumstances: “Lottery officials announced today that they were ‘stunned’ that the same person could win the Lotto three times in one year.” I’ve often wondered what would happen if this journalistic style—headline, and then paragraph—were applied to the actual events of my life. Like this: --Lumpy Socks Cancel Family Hike A scheduled family hike today was canceled indefinitely when W. Bruce Cameron’s teenaged son announced there were crippling lumps in his socks. Investigation into the cause of these lumps was inconclusive. Replacement socks were called for, which led to a heated discussion among the Cameron children on whose turn it was to do laundry. Eventually the father of the family, speaking on condition of agitation, suggested cleaning his room as an alternative exercise for the son. The son, when reached for comment, rejected this idea because his room was “smelly.” --“Most Popular” Title Still Up For Grabs Controversy erupted this week in a dispute over which Cameron daughter was “Most Popular” back in high school, with both women claiming the title. Official records do not reveal the result of any voting. To support her argument, the younger daughter produced a yearbook and pointed out she had several more signatures in it, but the older daughter countered that she had more actual photographs of herself in hers. Attempts by the father to mediate the dispute were dismissed by both parties on the grounds that he was, in their words, “like the least popular guy in his high school.” --Tape Recording Deemed Insufficient Evidencce W. Bruce Cameron has pronounced a tape recording offered by his son as “insufficient evidence” of snoring. “The snoring on the tape could be anyone,” Cameron stated. “It sounds fake,” he added. --Family Makes Astounding Discovery On a recent stormy afternoon, with a power outage wiping out the television and the phone lines knocked down by the winds, the children of a local family made an astounding discovery. “There are like all these books,” explained the middle child. The children in the family spent more than an hour reading before it was discovered that the cell phone still worked, and then they devoted the rest of the afternoon to arguing over who got to use it. --College Student Declares War The daughter of W. Bruce Cameron announced this weekend a willingness to “go to war” over her father’s attempt to enforce “high-school rules” when she visits home. As a demonstration of the power of her arsenal, the daughter decimated Cameron’s food supplies and bombarded his laundry room with dirty clothes. Later, she tied up his lines of communication with long phone calls to former high-school friends she “hadn’t seen in like forever.” “I was very popular in high school,” Cameron’s daughter states. Unnamed sources inside the family advise she wasn’t as popular as she claims and that her yearbook proves it. --Dog Makes Bid for Freedom In an apparent escape attempt, the Cameron family dog was recently discovered excavating a large hole by some recently planted bushes in the yard. A search of the apprehended animal revealed that he was carrying some civilian clothes, a fake I.D. and an unnamed amount of cash. --Father Can Cook Nothing A local father, fed up with the groaning and fake projectile vomiting that greets his every attempt to prepare dinner, recently challenged his children to name their favorites meals, and he would cook those. “Nothing,” the children were quoted as saying. “He should just order pizza,” his older daughter told the media. Cameron issued a statement saying “we can’t have pizza every night,” but not everyone agrees with this. “You can get all of your nutritional requirements from the toppings, except I don’t like mushrooms,” Cameron’s son explains. “Or vegetables.” “When you order Hawaiian, the pineapple has vitamins,” the older daughter stated. “I don’t like pineapple,” the Cameron son responded. --Columnist not a Newspaper Man Editors of this paper, having read this column, wish to make it clear that Cameron is neither reporter nor journalist, which is why he has no “standards” for what makes a worthy newspaper article. Write to Bruce: http://www.wbrucecameron.com/email_bruce.htm ====================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz, our boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the manager, Ahmed. "Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?" said the guy who answered the phone. "Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed." "This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?" "I thought you just said your name was Ed?" asked my boss. "It is. But whenever I say 'Ahmed,' people think I'm saying, 'I'm Ed.' So I figured it's just easier to be Ed." -<>- Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her." "Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her." "Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me." -<>- _______ /______/"=, [ | "=, "=,, [-----+----"=,* ) (_---_____---_)/ (O) (O) Emiliano Following the birth of our daughter, the nurse told my wife that whe would have to take it easy. So for the next six weeks, "You can't do any lifting, swimming, driving, sex..." My wife stopped her there. "I can't drive for how long?" -<>- _____ /_..._\ (0[###]0) `' `' -Lester AMC During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb. When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him. "Does your dog have a license?" he asked. "Oh, no," the man said, "He doesn't need one; I always do the driving." -<>- This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth." The woman then says: "Ooooohhhh, the pain is so awful! I'd rather have a baby!" To which the dentist replies, "Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair." -<>- [Okay, it's an old one, but I challenge anyone to honestly tell me this joke isn't hilarious.] A Scotsman paying his first visit to the zoo stopped by one of the cages. "An whut animal would that be?" he asked the keeper. "That's a moose from Canada," came the reply. "A moose!" exclaimed the Scotsman, "Hoots man - they must ha' rrrats like elephants ower there!" ============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: W [ ] E, U\ ONLY in America... \ \\|/ |-( )- | V | L `. ___ | \/ / dsi >from AFA: U.S. sues Salvation Army for speaking English The headline is correct. The Federal Government has filed suit against the Salvation Army and is targeting other businesses that require employees to speak English on the job. The Salvation Army Thrift Store being targeted by the Equal Opportunities Commission (EEOC) clearly posted its "speak English" requirements and gave employees one year to learn the language. But the EEOC still filed suit saying this was a "civil rights" violation. And it's getting worse. Last year, over 200 similar charges were filed with the EEOC -- up from just a handful ten years ago. + + Nancy Pelosi sides with EEOC’s anti-English attacks Access our complete Issue Backgrounder here: http://www.grassfire.org/25042/offer.asp?rid=14282578 -<>- >From LifeScript: ___ ___ _____/___\_____ __|___|__ """"("-_-")"""" ( o_o ) ~ /\_)=o~/ _\~-~/_ _ _~ / /\\\///\ ~ / \/|\/ \/\(|_| \__|\\//\ \ ~ / |. .|\_/ __________|//\\/_/___~______\_\_____|_____ _______ |_|) _______ \_____/ \_____/ jro Do You Have a Drinking Problem? You have a few drinks when the occasion calls for it and enjoy a ritual glass of wine with dinner. But lately you’ve noticed that you can’t go even one night without a drink… or two or three. Your spouse is starting to question your drinking habits, but you don’t think there’s any reason to be concerned. Is your alcohol use really under control? If you even have to consider your answer to this question, reading this article could save your life... http://www.lifescript.com/HA/21777_4238409_4249_0.htm -<>- >From ACLJ: Know your rights this Christmas season Your personal, constitutional rights are important to me and the staff at ACLJ. We want to make sure you are fully aware of what is permissible when it comes to celebrating the Christmas holiday according to your religious beliefs. With this in mind, we have prepared an online Christmas Resource Center that I invite you to visit right now. There, you will find answers - clearly spelled out - to the most common questions we receive this time of year regarding your legal rights. Christmas Resource Center http://tinyurl.com/38jz5x -<>- >From BizarreNews: _ _d,:=\-. -._d8"" " k "J _ / Swedes engage in embracing -- a lot _d _| |_ |._ 8 |_ _| =.t d sm |_| 8, d __ . ,. L .8" V /| ) W"\) "" ", _/ "N / "W-^" /"g ' STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Swedes like to conduct random acts of hugging -- a lot, a study by the Swedish Red Cross reported. In its survey of 1,000 Swedes over 16 years old, about 94 percent told the Red Cross they hugged someone during last week, The Local reported. Except for Smaland, an area known for its frugality. There, people were less likely to engage in an embrace, the survey said. The survey also found the older people become, the less they hug. JL :: |/_ : : / -""-/ -- Truck hits snowman, snowman hits car -- : : -__- wkm LAPORTE, Ind. - A LaPorte, Ind., driver who hit a snowman in the street has agreed to pay for the damage the snowman's head inflicted on a neighboring car. Amanda Boes said she saw the gray Ford F-150 pickup accelerate toward the snowman while she was watching out a window, the South Bend (Ind.) Tribune reported. The snowman, which had been built in Boes' front yard but which was moved into the street by unknown culprits overnight, was destroyed by the impact with the truck, she told the newspaper. Its head was thrown into the back of Boes' mother's car and broke the rear window. Neighbor Thomas Ross admitted to driving the truck into the snowman and has agreed to pay the $600 needed to replace the window, the Tribune said. -- Midget remark sparks brawl ----------------- LAS VEGAS - A brawl broke out in a Las Vegas bar this week when a short person dressed in an Oompa Loompa costume took offense at being called a midget. Wee Matt and another short person hired as entertainment were turfed from the Hogs and Heifers Saloon Monday after Wee Matt allegedly punched the patron who called him a midget, the Las Vegas Review-Journal reported Wednesday. Bar owner Michelle Dell said the 4-foot-2, 80-pounder "started swinging and spit on the guy and had to be pulled away" by a member of her security staff. The pair of Oompa Loompas allegedly had been downing shots of tequila prior to the incident. "Roald Dahl would be horrified!" said Dell, referring to the author of the book "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," in which Oompa Loompas are characters. It could be argued there are at least two morals to this real-life story: "Don't call an Oompa Loompa a midget" and "Don't serve an Oompa Loompa shots of tequila." _____ | D | | Program pinpoints toilet locations | | \___| _ || _______ -( (- |_'(-------) '-' | / _____,-\__..__|_____Pr59 LONDON - A British mobile technology firm has developed a satellite system to help cell phone users locate the nearest toilet. SatLav -- named after driving satellite system SatNav -- uses technology similar to the global positioning system to direct users who text the word "toilet" to 80097 to the nearest restroom, The Daily Telegraph reported. The system is currently only available across 8.5 miles of London's Westminister area but could be spread to other regions if it is successful. Robert Thurner, commercial director of SatLav developer Incentivated, said the technology is aimed at "making residents' lives easier." "From today onwards nobody should get caught short again, and we understand how important that is, be it for a young mum with children in tow, older people or friends on a shopping trip or a night out," said Westminster councilor Alan Bradley. ============================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: Blond Father A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!" -<>- _ _V.-o Q. Is one dog year really equal to 7 human years? / |`-' (7_\\ jg A. No. First, dogs develop differently than people. For example, many puppies reach their adult height at 6 months of age and this would correspond to only 3.5 human years if multiplied by 7. Second, dogs mature at different rates. Some scientists believe that 4 to 6 years per human year is more accurate. -<>- There was an old cowhand who owned a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. ”Just when and how much you pay them?” demanded the agent. 'Well,' replied the rancher, 'There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 week plus free room and board. 'The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week plus free room and board. ”Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 80% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.” 'That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,' says the agent. 'That would be me,' replied the rancher. -<>- Q. What is the world's best selling cookie? A. The Oreo. 6 billion are sold each year -- one for every person on the planet. ===================================================================== >-->From The Mouth: Top Ten Signs You Won't Win The New York City Marathon 10. You frequently hear "Outta the way lard ass!" 9. Every couple of miles you stop and ask for directions. 8. You pulled a hamstring filling out the application. 7. Before the race, you eat a PowerBar with extra cheese. 6. You still haven't finished the 2006 New York City Marathon. 5. In trying situations you ask yourself, "What would Rosie O'Donnell do?" 4. Some runners are sponsored by Adidas. You're sponsored by Chips Ahoy. 3. You're frequently mistaken for the fat guy from "Lost." 2. Made you own steroids out of Red Bull and Super Glue. 1. You've been carbo-loading for 30 years. [Late Show with David Letterman] -<>- _ /\,_/\| /==_ ( (Y_.) / /// U ) (__,_____) ) )' > `/ |._ _____ | | | ( \| ( | | | || | ,,-. ),)_/ ., ))_/,,.-,_ b'ger . ,-/,_ Top 20 Dog Names in the United States: 1. Max 1. Maggie 2. Jake 2. Molly 3. Buddy 3. Lady 4. Bailey 4. Sadie 5. Sam 5. Lucy 6. Rocky 6. Daisy 7. Buster 7. Ginger 8. Casey 8. Abby 9. Cody 9. Sasha 10. Duke 10. Sandy 11. Charlie 11. Dakota 12. Jack 12. Katie 13. Harley 13. Annie 14. Rusty 14. Chelsea 15. Toby 15. Princes 16. Murphy 16. Missy 17. Shelby 17. Sophie 18. Sparky 18. Bo 19. Barney 19. Coco 20. Winston 20. Tasha ============================================================== >-->FUN Places to Net Visit: >From LynnLynn's Links: Seedlings http://www.poetrybyken.com/ipoems4/Seedlings.html Great song and singer ... Via Carol http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/Spiritual/LittleSpotInHeaven.html I Hope You Dance http://www.libertyhigh56.net/special%20pages/dancing.htm World Of Wonder http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worldofwonder.html An Award Winner: Great White Shark http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html Take Me Back To The 60's http://objflicks.com/TakeMeBackToTheSixties.htm Crochet Room http://www.crochetinsider.com/octgallery.html Buy A Dog http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/BUYADOG.HTML John w/ The True Meaning Of Christmas http://heavens-gates.com/meaningofchristmas/ Carolyn with/ On A Snowy Christmas Night http://tinyurl.com/2yfdmx Meaning Of Christmas Via Carol http://llerrah.com/truemeaningofchristmas.htm Ring Them Bells http://bcoff43.com/christmas/Ring_Them_Bells.html Oh No! http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011155.htm Alarm http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011156.htm Cool Parrot http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011157.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to: LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "In a recent interview, Arnold Schwarzenegger said cannabis is not a drug. Of course, when Arnold said it, it sounded like, 'Cannibals need a hug.'" -Conan O'Brien "According to the Congressional Budget Office, Social Security will be completely depleted by the year 2052. 2052 - Social Security broke. Once again, I don't think President Bush understands this issue. He said, '2052, that's okay. By then all our old people will already be dead anyway.'" -Jay Leno "Hillary Clinton fainted during a speech. She's fine but what I don't understand is why Bill Clinton was giving mouth-to- mouth to her assistant." -Craig Ferguson "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost "Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick "Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special." - Fran Lebowitz "The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you're not attrac- tive. You are leaking." -Fran Lebowitz "If California can't solve the energy crisis, it will spread to the rest of the nation, and the economy will collapse, and we will become a primitive society where we all run around naked with spears and refuse to attend meetings. Wouldn't that be GREAT?" --Dave Barry Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something which you'd like to have dinner with." -Anonymous woman "An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support." - John Buchan "An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought." - Simon Cameron "The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed." - C. S. Lewis ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSE :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR Send a BLANK email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************