Only In America & More ... :) Shangy!
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>-->In The 'Shangy' News:
>Hot off the 'Shangy' Press...
This one is so hot it is smokin'
In a Blink Of An Eye
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eye.html
In A Blink Of An Eye
=================================================================
>-->From The FunnyBone:
,___ The Man On The Ladies Tee
|| 1 `'--.
||__..--'`
|| It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course
|| and I was beginning my pre-shot routine on #1,
|| visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice
|| came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.
||
__||_\\ \\\/// "Would the gentleman on
.'` || `"""----.....___---'` `- the Ladies tee back up to
.-||-. () the Men's tee please!!"
`""""`
__ _.-----.._ I was still deep in my
'jgs--' `\\\-----/// \\\ routine, seemingly
impervious to the
interruption. Again the announcement - "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S
tee kindly back up to the men's tee."
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window
directly at the person with the mike and shouted back, "Would the
person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second
shot?"
=====================================================================
+------------------- Bizarre Holidays --------------------+
December
December 1 is National Pie Day and Eat A Red Apple Day
December 2 is National Fritters Day
December 3 is National Roof-Over-Your-Head Day
December 4 is Wear Brown Shoes Day
December 5 is National Sacher Torte Day
December 6 is National Gazpacho Day and Mitten Tree Day
December 7 is National Cotton Candy Day
December 8 is Take It In The Ear Day
For the rest of the list, go to:
Bizarre News
==================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Maxy's Pal :)
Stroke Warning Signs
If you notice one or more of these signs, don't wait. Stroke is a
medical emergency. Call 9-1-1 or your emergency medical services.
Get to a hospital right away!
http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4742
---
...A Good One - Thanks Maxy's Pal!
==================================================================
>-->Headlines from My Life
Copyright 2003 W. Bruce Cameron — Please do not remove the copyright
from this essay
My favorite kind of news stories are the ones with a headline like this:
Cameron Wins Powerball Lottery. Then I want a brief paragraph, nothing
more, describing the circumstances: “Lottery officials announced today
that they were ‘stunned’ that the same person could win the Lotto three
times in one year.”
I’ve often wondered what would happen if this journalistic
style—headline, and then paragraph—were applied to the actual events of
my life. Like this:
--Lumpy Socks Cancel Family Hike
A scheduled family hike today was canceled indefinitely when W. Bruce
Cameron’s teenaged son announced there were crippling lumps in his
socks. Investigation into the cause of these lumps was inconclusive.
Replacement socks were called for, which led to a heated discussion
among the Cameron children on whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually the father of the family, speaking on condition of agitation,
suggested cleaning his room as an alternative exercise for the son. The
son, when reached for comment, rejected this idea because his room was
“smelly.”
--“Most Popular” Title Still Up For Grabs
Controversy erupted this week in a dispute over which Cameron daughter
was “Most Popular” back in high school, with both women claiming the
title. Official records do not reveal the result of any voting. To
support her argument, the younger daughter produced a yearbook and
pointed out she had several more signatures in it, but the older
daughter countered that she had more actual photographs of herself in
hers. Attempts by the father to mediate the dispute were dismissed by
both parties on the grounds that he was, in their words, “like the least
popular guy in his high school.”
--Tape Recording Deemed Insufficient Evidencce
W. Bruce Cameron has pronounced a tape recording offered by his son as
“insufficient evidence” of snoring.
“The snoring on the tape could be anyone,” Cameron stated. “It sounds
fake,” he added.
--Family Makes Astounding Discovery
On a recent stormy afternoon, with a power outage wiping out the
television and the phone lines knocked down by the winds, the children
of a local family made an astounding discovery.
“There are like all these books,” explained the middle child.
The children in the family spent more than an hour reading before it was
discovered that the cell phone still worked, and then they devoted the
rest of the afternoon to arguing over who got to use it.
--College Student Declares War
The daughter of W. Bruce Cameron announced this weekend a willingness to
“go to war” over her father’s attempt to enforce “high-school rules”
when she visits home. As a demonstration of the power of her arsenal,
the daughter decimated Cameron’s food supplies and bombarded his laundry
room with dirty clothes. Later, she tied up his lines of communication
with long phone calls to former high-school friends she “hadn’t seen in
like forever.”
“I was very popular in high school,” Cameron’s daughter states.
Unnamed sources inside the family advise she wasn’t as popular as she
claims and that her yearbook proves it.
--Dog Makes Bid for Freedom
In an apparent escape attempt, the Cameron family dog was recently
discovered excavating a large hole by some recently planted bushes in
the yard. A search of the apprehended animal revealed that he was
carrying some civilian clothes, a fake I.D. and an unnamed amount of
cash.
--Father Can Cook Nothing
A local father, fed up with the groaning and fake projectile vomiting
that greets his every attempt to prepare dinner, recently challenged his
children to name their favorites meals, and he would cook those.
“Nothing,” the children were quoted as saying.
“He should just order pizza,” his older daughter told the media.
Cameron issued a statement saying “we can’t have pizza every night,” but
not everyone agrees with this.
“You can get all of your nutritional requirements from the toppings,
except I don’t like mushrooms,” Cameron’s son explains. “Or vegetables.”
“When you order Hawaiian, the pineapple has vitamins,” the older
daughter stated.
“I don’t like pineapple,” the Cameron son responded.
--Columnist not a Newspaper Man
Editors of this paper, having read this column, wish to make it clear
that Cameron is neither reporter nor journalist, which is why he has no
“standards” for what makes a worthy newspaper article.
Write to Bruce:
http://www.wbrucecameron.com/email_bruce.htm
======================================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz,
our boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the
manager, Ahmed.
"Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?" said the guy who
answered the phone.
"Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed."
"This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?"
"I thought you just said your name was Ed?" asked my boss.
"It is. But whenever I say 'Ahmed,' people think I'm saying,
'I'm Ed.' So I figured it's just easier to be Ed."
-<>-
Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the
secret I told you not to tell her."
"Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell
you I told her."
"Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that
she told me."
-<>-
_______
/______/"=,
[ | "=, "=,,
[-----+----"=,* )
(_---_____---_)/
(O) (O)
Emiliano
Following the birth of our daughter, the nurse told my wife
that whe would have to take it easy. So for the next six
weeks, "You can't do any lifting, swimming, driving, sex..."
My wife stopped her there. "I can't drive for how long?"
-<>-
_____
/_..._\
(0[###]0)
`' `' -Lester AMC
During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs,
a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb.
When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer
pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him.
"Does your dog have a license?" he asked.
"Oh, no," the man said, "He doesn't need one; I always do
the driving."
-<>-
This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through
examining her he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I
am going to have to drill a tooth."
The woman then says: "Ooooohhhh, the pain is so awful! I'd
rather have a baby!"
To which the dentist replies, "Make up your mind, I have to
adjust the chair."
-<>-
[Okay, it's an old one, but I challenge anyone to honestly
tell me this joke isn't hilarious.]
A Scotsman paying his first visit to the zoo stopped by one
of the cages.
"An whut animal would that be?" he asked the keeper.
"That's a moose from Canada," came the reply.
"A moose!" exclaimed the Scotsman, "Hoots man - they must ha'
rrrats like elephants ower there!"
==============================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
W
[ ]
E,
U\ ONLY in America...
\ \\|/
|-( )-
| V |
L `. ___
| \/ / dsi
>from AFA: U.S. sues Salvation Army for speaking English
The headline is correct. The Federal Government has filed suit
against the Salvation Army and is targeting other businesses
that require employees to speak English on the job.
The Salvation Army Thrift Store being targeted by the Equal
Opportunities Commission (EEOC) clearly posted its "speak English"
requirements and gave employees one year to learn the language.
But the EEOC still filed suit saying this was a "civil rights"
violation.
And it's getting worse. Last year, over 200 similar charges
were filed with the EEOC -- up from just a handful ten years ago.
+ + Nancy Pelosi sides with EEOC’s anti-English attacks
Access our complete Issue Backgrounder here:
http://www.grassfire.org/25042/offer.asp?rid=14282578
-<>-
>From LifeScript:
___ ___
_____/___\_____ __|___|__
""""("-_-")"""" ( o_o ) ~
/\_)=o~/ _\~-~/_ _ _~
/ /\\\///\ ~ / \/|\/ \/\(|_|
\__|\\//\ \ ~ / |. .|\_/
__________|//\\/_/___~______\_\_____|_____
_______ |_|) _______
\_____/ \_____/
jro
Do You Have a Drinking Problem?
You have a few drinks when the occasion calls for it and enjoy a ritual
glass of wine with dinner. But lately you’ve noticed that you can’t go
even one night without a drink… or two or three. Your spouse is starting
to question your drinking habits, but you don’t think there’s any reason
to be concerned. Is your alcohol use really under control? If you even
have to consider your answer to this question, reading this article
could save your life...
http://www.lifescript.com/HA/21777_4238409_4249_0.htm
-<>-
>From ACLJ: Know your rights this Christmas season
Your personal, constitutional rights are important to me and the staff
at ACLJ.
We want to make sure you are fully aware of what is permissible when it
comes to celebrating the Christmas holiday according to your religious
beliefs.
With this in mind, we have prepared an online Christmas Resource Center
that I invite you to visit right now.
There, you will find answers - clearly spelled out - to the most common
questions we receive this time of year regarding your legal rights.
Christmas Resource Center
http://tinyurl.com/38jz5x
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
_
_d,:=\-.
-._d8"" " k
"J _ / Swedes engage in embracing -- a lot
_d _| |_ |._
8 |_ _| =.t
d sm |_| 8,
d __ . ,. L
.8" V /| ) W"\)
"" ", _/ "N /
"W-^" /"g
'
STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Swedes like to conduct random acts
of hugging -- a lot, a study by the Swedish Red Cross
reported. In its survey of 1,000 Swedes over 16 years
old, about 94 percent told the Red Cross they hugged
someone during last week, The Local reported. Except for
Smaland, an area known for its frugality. There, people
were less likely to engage in an embrace, the survey said.
The survey also found the older people become, the less
they hug.
JL
:: |/_
: : /
-""-/ -- Truck hits snowman, snowman hits car --
: :
-__- wkm
LAPORTE, Ind. - A LaPorte, Ind., driver who hit a snowman
in the street has agreed to pay for the damage the
snowman's head inflicted on a neighboring car. Amanda Boes
said she saw the gray Ford F-150 pickup accelerate toward
the snowman while she was watching out a window, the South
Bend (Ind.) Tribune reported. The snowman, which had been
built in Boes' front yard but which was moved into the
street by unknown culprits overnight, was destroyed by the
impact with the truck, she told the newspaper. Its head was
thrown into the back of Boes' mother's car and broke the
rear window. Neighbor Thomas Ross admitted to driving the
truck into the snowman and has agreed to pay the $600
needed to replace the window, the Tribune said.
-- Midget remark sparks brawl -----------------
LAS VEGAS - A brawl broke out in a Las Vegas bar this week
when a short person dressed in an Oompa Loompa costume
took offense at being called a midget. Wee Matt and another
short person hired as entertainment were turfed from the
Hogs and Heifers Saloon Monday after Wee Matt allegedly
punched the patron who called him a midget, the Las Vegas
Review-Journal reported Wednesday. Bar owner Michelle Dell
said the 4-foot-2, 80-pounder "started swinging and spit
on the guy and had to be pulled away" by a member of her
security staff. The pair of Oompa Loompas allegedly had
been downing shots of tequila prior to the incident.
"Roald Dahl would be horrified!" said Dell, referring to
the author of the book "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,"
in which Oompa Loompas are characters. It could be argued
there are at least two morals to this real-life story:
"Don't call an Oompa Loompa a midget" and "Don't serve an
Oompa Loompa shots of tequila."
_____
| D
| | Program pinpoints toilet locations
| |
\___| _
|| _______ -( (-
|_'(-------) '-'
| /
_____,-\__..__|_____Pr59
LONDON - A British mobile technology firm has developed
a satellite system to help cell phone users locate the
nearest toilet. SatLav -- named after driving satellite
system SatNav -- uses technology similar to the global
positioning system to direct users who text the word
"toilet" to 80097 to the nearest restroom, The Daily
Telegraph reported. The system is currently only available
across 8.5 miles of London's Westminister area but could
be spread to other regions if it is successful. Robert
Thurner, commercial director of SatLav developer
Incentivated, said the technology is aimed at "making
residents' lives easier." "From today onwards nobody
should get caught short again, and we understand how
important that is, be it for a young mum with children
in tow, older people or friends on a shopping trip or a
night out," said Westminster councilor Alan Bradley.
=============================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
Blond Father
A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a
baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband
rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a
trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the
other father!?!"
-<>-
_
_V.-o Q. Is one dog year really equal to 7 human years?
/ |`-'
(7_\\
jg
A. No. First, dogs develop differently than people. For
example, many puppies reach their adult height at 6
months of age and this would correspond to only 3.5
human years if multiplied by 7. Second, dogs mature
at different rates. Some scientists believe that
4 to 6 years per human year is more accurate.
-<>-
There was an old cowhand who owned a small ranch in Montana. The
Montana Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages
to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
”Just when and how much you pay them?” demanded the agent.
'Well,' replied the rancher, 'There's my ranch hand who's been with me
for 3 years. I pay him $600 week plus free room and board.
'The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week
plus free room and board.
”Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does
about 80% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays
his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday
night.”
'That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the rancher.
-<>-
Q. What is the world's best selling cookie?
A. The Oreo. 6 billion are sold each year -- one for every
person on the planet.
=====================================================================
>-->From The Mouth:
Top Ten Signs You Won't Win The New York City Marathon
10. You frequently hear "Outta the way lard ass!"
9. Every couple of miles you stop and ask for directions.
8. You pulled a hamstring filling out the application.
7. Before the race, you eat a PowerBar with extra cheese.
6. You still haven't finished the 2006 New York City
Marathon.
5. In trying situations you ask yourself, "What would
Rosie O'Donnell do?"
4. Some runners are sponsored by Adidas. You're sponsored
by Chips Ahoy.
3. You're frequently mistaken for the fat guy from "Lost."
2. Made you own steroids out of Red Bull and Super Glue.
1. You've been carbo-loading for 30 years.
[Late Show with David Letterman]
-<>-
_
/\,_/\|
/==_ (
(Y_.) / ///
U ) (__,_____) )
)' > `/
|._ _____ |
| | ( \| (
| | | || |
,,-. ),)_/ ., ))_/,,.-,_
b'ger . ,-/,_
Top 20 Dog Names in the United States:
1. Max 1. Maggie
2. Jake 2. Molly
3. Buddy 3. Lady
4. Bailey 4. Sadie
5. Sam 5. Lucy
6. Rocky 6. Daisy
7. Buster 7. Ginger
8. Casey 8. Abby
9. Cody 9. Sasha
10. Duke 10. Sandy
11. Charlie 11. Dakota
12. Jack 12. Katie
13. Harley 13. Annie
14. Rusty 14. Chelsea
15. Toby 15. Princes
16. Murphy 16. Missy
17. Shelby 17. Sophie
18. Sparky 18. Bo
19. Barney 19. Coco
20. Winston 20. Tasha
==============================================================
>-->FUN Places to Net Visit:
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Seedlings
http://www.poetrybyken.com/ipoems4/Seedlings.html
Great song and singer ... Via Carol
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/Spiritual/LittleSpotInHeaven.html
I Hope You Dance
http://www.libertyhigh56.net/special%20pages/dancing.htm
World Of Wonder
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worldofwonder.html
An Award Winner: Great White Shark
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html
Take Me Back To The 60's
http://objflicks.com/TakeMeBackToTheSixties.htm
Crochet Room
http://www.crochetinsider.com/octgallery.html
Buy A Dog
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/BUYADOG.HTML
John w/ The True Meaning Of Christmas
http://heavens-gates.com/meaningofchristmas/
Carolyn with/ On A Snowy Christmas Night
http://tinyurl.com/2yfdmx
Meaning Of Christmas Via Carol
http://llerrah.com/truemeaningofchristmas.htm
Ring Them Bells
http://bcoff43.com/christmas/Ring_Them_Bells.html
Oh No!
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011155.htm
Alarm
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011156.htm
Cool Parrot
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011157.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet,
send a blank e-mail to:
LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
==============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"In a recent interview, Arnold Schwarzenegger said cannabis
is not a drug. Of course, when Arnold said it, it sounded
like, 'Cannibals need a hug.'" -Conan O'Brien
"According to the Congressional Budget Office, Social Security
will be completely depleted by the year 2052. 2052 - Social
Security broke. Once again, I don't think President Bush
understands this issue. He said, '2052, that's okay. By then
all our old people will already be dead anyway.'" -Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton fainted during a speech. She's fine but what
I don't understand is why Bill Clinton was giving mouth-to-
mouth to her assistant." -Craig Ferguson
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about
life: it goes on."
- Robert Frost
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go
insane."
- Philip K. Dick
"Special-interest publications should realize that if
they are attracting enough advertising and readers to
make a profit, the interest is not so special."
- Fran Lebowitz
"The most common error made in matters of appearance is the
belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the
true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places
on your body where this is a possibility, you're not attrac-
tive. You are leaking." -Fran Lebowitz
"If California can't solve the energy crisis, it will spread
to the rest of the nation, and the economy will collapse,
and we will become a primitive society where we all run
around naked with spears and refuse to attend meetings.
Wouldn't that be GREAT?" --Dave Barry
Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and
it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until
they mature into something which you'd like to have dinner
with." -Anonymous woman
"An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of
support."
- John Buchan
"An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will
stay bought."
- Simon Cameron
"The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than
you really are is that you very often succeed."
- C. S. Lewis
---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSE :)Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html
Shangrala
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice
You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair.
We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with
all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806
************************************************************************
-->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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