Operation Brass Tax And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->OoooWeeeee!! oo 8 "} > @ < .8 .-._/| .'_'`')`_.' \| ) / (>'/ |_,_ | (,| .' ,'\| `._/ ) \| '`- -- ''-- --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another 2010 Angel! Rita from Weatherford, TX has joined forces to help Keep Shangrala Alive this year with a sweet donation! She is a sweet returning Shangrala Angel! Please bless her by visiting her Watkins web site here: http://www.cinnamonandspice.com/ If you'd like to help too and be counted as a 2010 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News: I am thankful for many things! I am thankful for our angels - those who step forth and support Shangrala with donations and sweet forwards that enable us to bless each other. I am thankful for our freedoms - Freedom of press, freedom of speech, freedom to defend ourselves and loved ones, and especially our freedom to worship. I Thank God for all of these and that we and our children and children's children always have them through Christ Jesus our Lord, AMEN! -<>- >Four [4] Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) The first two are still Smoking they are so HOT!! The first one is spectacular and I am sure you will love it too. It comes from a forward from our friend Johanna. Another most beautiful one! Check it out here... ________ .##@@&&&@@##. ,##@&::%&&%%::&@##. #@&:%%000000000%%:&@# #@&:%00' '00%:&@# #@&:%0' '0%:&@# #@&:%0 0%:&@# #@&:%0 0%:&@# #@&:%0 0%:&@# "" ' " " ' "" Conan Cristales River http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cristales.html --- ...Awesome! Thank You Johanna! This next super hottie is an most adorable one that comes from a forward from our friend Vivian. Check it out here... _|\ _/|_, ,((\\``-\\\\_ ,(()) `))\ ,(())) ,_ \ ((())' | \ ))))) >.__ \ (((' / `-. .c| hjw / `-`' A Mother Horse's Love! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/motherslove2.html --- ...So Sweet! Thank You Viv! Our third hottie comes from our friend Viv too. Another one of those that I just couldn't resist doing up - it is so beautiful! Check it out for a big dose of Ooos and Awws... (\ /) \/ W.Madison \/ (\ /) (X) o00- _ _ -00o (X) (/|\) (')< >(') (/|\) | (@ ) ( @) | \|/|||||||||| ^^ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ^^ ||||wsm|||\|/ ~~~~ ~~~~ Keukenhof Gardens! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kgardens.html --- ...Such a delight - Thank You Viv! -<>- This last one is another one from our dear friend Johanna. One of those that I wasn't aware of but find it really awesome! Check it out here... ____ ____ _,',--.`-. _,',--.`-. <_ ( () ) > ( <_ ( () ) > `-:__;,-' \ `A:__:,-' \ / \ (( ) \-' \ \ ( ) -Shimrod `-'"`-----' From Russia With Love http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teardrop.html --- ...Very moving! Thank You Johanna! =============================================================== >-->From The FunnBone: New Spring Fashion... .--..--. / V \ __|__________|__ '--/// \\\--' Get a Whiff of This Fashion Trend... ( 6 6 ) : ) ; \ == / As Lee Soo-bum nears home after an evening `-.__.-` out with the guys, he shimmies, shakes and __ _(\__/)_ __ occasionally rubs his chest. Then at his /` / \(><)/ \ `\ apartment door, the 39-year-old South / \ |::::| / \ Korean film company executive sniffs, | / /::::\ \ | | smiles in satisfaction and greets his wife. | | / |::::| \ | | Although he's been drinking with colleagues | | \ |'::'| / | | in a smoke-filled bar, Lee doesn't reek of | | \_/ :: \_/ | | booze and cigarettes. | | |____|o | | |_| |____|o |_| In fact, he smells downright sweet. "This |_\ | |o /_| new suit helps keep peace at home, "Lee / \___| L_ |___/ \ says, referring to his fashionable beige ((((|| || ||)))) wool suit. It smells like lavender -- and | || | the more he moves, the stronger the scent | || | becomes. | || | | || | The suit is made with fabric soaked in a | || | chemical that contains scented micro- jgs |___ || ___| capsules, which pop and release the odor __[____||____]__ when the wearer moves -- or gets bumped on ( )( ) crowded subway train. `---'== =='---' Three local fashion houses -- LG Fashion, Essess Heartist and Kolon International -- began selling the scented suits in major department and retail stores earlier this month. So far, Essess has sold 2,500 pine-scented suits, LG 1,000 lavender suits and Kolon 660 peppermint suits. Source -- Associated Press ==================================================================== +----------- Even More Bizarre April Holidays ------------+ April 21 is Kindergarten Day April 22 is National Jelly Bean Day April 23 is Read Me Day and World Laboratory Animal Day April 24 is National Pigs In A Blanket Day April 25 is National Zucchini Bread Day April 26 is Richter Scale Day and National Pretzel Day April 27 is Tell A Story Day April 28 is Great Poetry Reading Day and Kiss-Your-Mate Day April 29 is National Shrimp Scampi Day April 30 is National Honesty Day ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) Wesley sent us a forward of one we already have done up... _ _ / \ / \ )_( )_( | _________________________________________ | | _____|.-----..-----..-----..-----..----..-----.] | | /.--.|||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;||;;;;;|| | | // ||||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;||;;;;;|| | ___...--'|`---'|||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;||;;;;;|| | (= | | -'|||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;||;;;;;||_|__ | _..--' |____.'||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;||;;;;;|'----'|;;;;;||____| |-'.----. _____ |'-----''-----''-----''-----'.----.'-----'|..... |=./ .--. \|=====||___________________________/ .--. \______] '=' :(--): `-----''--------------------------' :(--): `-----' .... `--' ..................................... `--' ..LGB........ ===================\\\\========================================== Advertising Truck Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/truckart.html --- ...Neat reminder! Thank You Wesley! -<>- before my time { missed 3 } - Wesley . `: : : . __.'_ .' : _.--' `-._.' .-'.. .. `. : .-. .--.`. : : : : : : : : :`;; :`; ; : `.`O;' `O;.' : .' .---. .--. ; . : '._ :' ; :: : .-`-.; . .' .': `. ``` `. :-' : : `-.__ ._ _.' : ; : ;``` : `. _.-.' . ``-._ : `.-' : : `-. : _.: ` `-._ `, `._.-' ; `.`-. ;_, _., : `.: ;' ;-' ; : ``.___.' : : ;_..--' `. ; `-.__ ...' : : : jgs :-:__; : : : .-~~~--..__: : :___..---.. .'.' : `, :,' : `; ; `: _.'`._ :,' `~~~'----'' `'-.____....' >Just Testing - Do you Remember? - See How Many You Get Right! 1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways? A. Flintstones vitamins B. The Buttmaster C. Spaghetti D. Wonder Bread E. Orange Juice F. Milk G. Cod Liver Oil 2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was... A. Sugar Ray Robinson B. Roy Orbison C. Gene Autry D. Rudolph Valentino E. Fabian F. Mickey Mantle G. Cassius Clay 3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, 'We have met the enemy and... A. It's you B. He is us C. It's the Grinch D. He wasn't home E. He's really me an F. We quit G. He surrendered 4. Good night David. A. Good nigh Chet B. Sleep well C. Good night Irene D. Good night Gracie E. See you later alligator F. Until tomorrow G. Good night Steve 5. You'll wonder where the yellow went... A. When you use Tide B. When you lose your crayons C. When you clean your tub D. If you paint the room blue E. If you buy a soft water tank F. When you use Lady Clairol G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent 6. Before he was the Skipper's Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's friend... A. Stuart Whitman B. Randolph Scott C. Steve Reeves D. Maynard G. Krebbs E. Corky B. Dork F. Dave the Whale G. Zippy Zoo 7. Liar, liar... A. You're a liar B. Your nose is growing C. Pants on fire D. Join the choir E. Jump up higher F. On the wire G. I'm telling Mom 8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and... A. Wheaties B. Lois Lane C. TV ratings D. World peace E. Red tights F. The American way G. News headlines 9. Hey kids! What time is it? A. It's time for Yogi Bear B. It's time to do your homework C. It's Howdy Doody Time D. It's Time for Romper Room E. It's bedtime F. The Mighty Mouse Hour G. Scoopy Doo Time 10. Lions and tigers and bears... A. Yikes B. Oh no C. Gee whiz D. I'm scared E. Oh my F. Help! Help! G. Let's run 11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone... A. Over 40 B. Wearing a uniform C. Carrying a briefcase D. Over 30 E. You don't know F. Who says, 'Trust me' G. Who eats tofu 12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women's stockings... A. Troy Aikman B. Kenny Stabler C. Joe Namath D. Roger Stauback E. Joe Montana F. Steve Young G. John Elway 13. Brylcream... A. Smear it on B. You'll smell great C. Tame that cowlick D. Grease ball heaven E. It's a dream F. We're your team G. A little dab'll do ya 14. I found my thrill... A. In Blueberry muffins B. With my man, Bill C. Down at the mill D. Over the windowsill E. With thyme and dill F. T oo late to enjoy G. On Blueberry Hill 15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by... A. Clark Gable B. Mary Martin C. Doris Day D. Errol Flynn E. Sally Fields F. Jim Carey G. Jay Leno 16. Name the Beatles... A. John, Steve, George, Ringo B. John, Paul, George, Roscoe C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo D. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo E. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel G. John, Paul, George, Ringo 17. I wonder, wonder, who.. A. Who ate the le ftovers? B. Who did the laundry? C. Was it you? D. Who wrote the book of love? E. Who I am? F. Passed the test? G. Knocked on the door? 18. I'm strong to the finish... A. Cause I eats my broccoli B. Cause I eats me spinach C. Cause I lift weights D. Cause I'm the hero E. And don't you forget it F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me G. To outlast Bruto 19. When it's least expected, you're elected, you're the star today... A. Smile, you're on Candid Camera B. Smile, you're on Star Search C. Smile, you won the lottery D. Smile, we're watching you E. Smile, the world sees you F. Smile, you're a hit G. Smile, you're on TV 20. What do M & M's do? A. Make your tummy happy B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket C. Make you fat D. Melt your heart E. Make you popular F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand G. Come in colors Answers: 1. D - Wonder Bread 2. G - Cassius Clay 3. B - He Is Us 4. A - Good night, Chet 5. G - When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent 6. D - Maynard G. Krebbs 7. C - Pants On Fire 8. F - The American Way 9. C - It's Howdy Doody Time 10. E - Oh My 11. D - Over 30 12. C - Joe Namath 13. G - A little dab'll do ya 14. G - On Blueberry Hill 15. B - Mary Martin 16. G - John, Paul, George, Ringo 17. D - Who wrote the book of Love 18. B - Cause I eats me spinach 19. A - Smile, you're on Candid Camera 20. F - Melt In Your Mouth Not In Your Hand --- ...Thanks Wesley! These were hard - I missed 6! -<>- ___ _.-' ```'--.._ .' `-._ / `. / `. / `. : ( \ | ( \_ ) `. | \__/ '. / ) ; | (___: \ _/__/ ; : | _ ; .' |__) : : |` \ | / / / \ |_ ;| /`\ / / \ ; ) :| ;_ ; / / \_ .-''-. | ) :/ / .- ` .--.' / : _.----._ ` < : -'........'- `. `. `''''` ; `'-.__ ,' ``--. :'-------' jgs : : .' '. >Miscellaneous one-liners { steven wright } After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in? Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds. I like to reminisce with people I don't know. I like to skate on the other side of the ice. I lost a button hole today. I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age. I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot. I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it. I took a baby shower. I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic. I was skydiving horizontally. I washed mud, off of mud. If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? My VCR flashes 01:35, 01:35, 01:35 . . . "So, do you live around here often?" You can't have everything. Where would you put it? --- ...TeeHee! Good Ones! Thanks Wesley! ================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From NewsMax: Ben Stein: Steele Must Go http://tinyurl.com/yyohe6g -<>- >From Patriot Update: Shocking Claim! Kenyan official: Obama born here http://tinyurl.com/y6v2ra2 Remarkable Photos of Nevada Tea Party: CNN reported this event by saying that "dozens" of people showed up. Some of the other networks barely mentioned it at all. http://tinyurl.com/y7tjrdf VIDEO: Stupid In America: What's Wrong with the U.S. Education System?: The video compares the U.S. public education system with that in Europe, and with magnet and charter schools vs. districts where there is no competition. The results are shocking. http://tinyurl.com/y82xz7b -<>- >From Our Friend Del :) Video: Star Parker with Glenn Beck Glenn Beck, panel, and Star Parker discuss the "Road To Socialism" http://www.urbancure.org/article.asp?id=3140 Star Parker http://townhall.com/columnists/StarParker/2010/04/12/why_im_running_for_congress --- ...Good Read! Thanks Del! -<>- >From BizarreNews: If you're a regular reader of Bizarre News you know that I get on political rants every now and then. I try to avoid them for obvious reasons, but when I read a story like this, especially when we are in an economic 'downturn' like we are (to borrow a term from the media), it is impossible not to express outrage! A week before the April 15th tax filing deadline, authorities announced "the largest coordinated takedown of tax preparers in history" calling it "Operation Brass Tax." Undercover IRS agents posed as clients and recorded some of the defendants in The Bronx and Manhattan promising to concoct fake business losses and inflate other deductions, prosecutors said. Among the more outrageous scams include; dead people were claiming tax refunds, the children of strangers listed as dependents and identity theft of people living in Puerto Rico. "In a criminal twist on the old proverb about death and taxes, some of the defendants charged today allegedly even filed for tax refunds using the identities of dead people," said Preet Bharara, Manhattan U.S. Attorney. This story comes right on the tail of the announcement that 47 percent of tax filers in the United States either don't pay any taxes or are getting more money back from the government than they pay! With a nearly $14 trillion debt and budget deficits growing every quarter, the one agency that is supposed to be managing the nation's money is apparently as corrupt as any of the others! It kind of makes you not want to pay your taxes, doesn't it? -<>- -- Cheerleaders punished for urine prank ---------- FORT WORTH, Texas - Officials with a Texas school district said a group of high school cheerleaders was disciplined for giving urine-tainted drinks to teammates. Administ- rators said at least two girls at Fort Worth's Saginaw High School received in-school suspensions and an unspecified number of their fellow cheerleaders received lesser punishments for serving sodas contaminated with a cheerleader's urine to their teammates during a basketball game late last year, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported Thursday. District officials said Principal Ric Canterbury began an investigation after hearing rumors about the incident. They said the girls involved in the prank will be barred from cheerleading events for the remainder of the school year but will be eligible to rejoin the team during the next school year. The father of one of the girls who drank the contaminated soda said the offending cheerleaders should be permanently removed from the team. "They shouldn't be allowed to represent Saginaw," said the parent, who asked not to be named to protect his daughter's anonymity. -- Teen opened beer in deputy's cruiser ---------- FORT WALTON BEACH, Fla. - Sheriff's deputies in Florida said a 19-year-old woman who asked for a ride home was arrested after opening a can of malt liquor in the back of the patrol car. The Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office said Tasha Lee Cantrell, 19, asked Deputy Mitchell Landis for a ride to her Fort Walton Beach home after her friend was pulled over and arrested for driving under the influence, TheSmokingGun.com reported. The police report said Landis heard Cantrell "open a can of some sort" while in the back of his cruiser. "As I looked at my in-car video, I observed Cantrell drinking out of an unknown can," Landis wrote. Landis wrote he stopped the car and Cantrell attempted to hide the can between her legs. He identified the can as containing Steel Reserve, a malt liquor with high alcohol content. Cantrell was arrested and charged with misdemeanor underage drinking. -- Child support 60 years late, woman sues --------- LOS ANGELES - An 81-year-old woman is suing her ex-husband in Los Angeles for the $50-per-month child support she says he was supposed to start paying in 1950. Rosemary Douglas, 81, said she became pregnant in 1950 and the father, Urban Joseph Grass, 52, to whom she was not married, wanted nothing to do with the baby and was ordered to pay $50 per month in child support. She says she never received the money, the Houston Chronicle reported Monday. "He was ordered to do something. He didn't do it," Douglas said. "He didn't challenge it, not legally anyway. I'd always thought about this. It was never far from my mind. Finally I decided, why not? Why not try one more time?" A lawyer for Grass, who now lives in Pearland, Texas, said the 82- year-old was unaware of the order until the lawsuit was filed. Attorney Pedram Mansouri said his client attended only one hearing on the subject before shipping to Korea with the Army and never received a child support order. The suit is seeking $57,000 in unpaid child support. -- Boy, 8, crashes van on gas run ------------- BETHEL, Utah - An 8-year-old Utah boy who tried to help his parents by gassing up the car before they woke up crashed the vehicle about 100 yards from home, the family said. Jordan Winters said his parents were sleeping just before 9 a.m. Friday at their Bethel home and he decided to save them time during the day by taking the family's 2003 Dodge Caravan to a nearby gas station for fueling, WLWT-TV, Cincinnati reported Monday. Winters said he never exceeded 10 mph and was traveling about 5 mph when he crashed into a ditch. "I kept on headed toward the ditch, so I had to turn and then I crashed. I almost crashed into the telephone pole," the boy said. James Crouch, Winters' father, said police decided not to take any action. "He wanted to get gas in the van for us, be nice," Crouch said. "He was still in his jammies." ============================================================== >-->Differences between men and women ///"\ |6 6| \ - / .@@@. __) (__ @6 6@/ \./ \ @ = @ : : : \ _) (_'| : |) ) /' \./ '\ : |_/ / /\ _ /\ \=o==|) \ \ ) (/ /%|%%' '7/ \7%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | | %%|%% |_.._| /_|_\ pjb 1. NAMES If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. 3. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale. 4. BATHROOMS A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. 5. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument. 6.CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. 7. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. 8. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 9. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 10. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) (On The ET-AHEM Side) ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm >Have You Ever Danced? An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio , Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to." A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospect or, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to." There are a few lessons for us all here: Never be arrogant. Don't waste ammunition. Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. Always, always make sure you know who has the power. Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid. -<>- | -+- _ _|_ {@} _|=|_ /___\ /(")\ (") .---'-'---. /((~))\/\ _ .-. /___________\ ~~/@\~~\|_|/ ((_)) | A /^\ A | / \ ||| ((_)) '-' | |"| | /~@~@~\ ||| '-' ldb_|___|_|___|_____/_______\|||___ >Marriage (Part I) Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, And after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing When I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it! Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said: "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be love making Here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not." ****************************************** Marriage (Part II) Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone That reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!" "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone That reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!" ***************************************** Marriage (Part III) Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no Good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After some time he realizes he was nasty and Decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer to the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!" ***************************************** Marriage (Part IV) A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his Wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, Shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four." ***************************************** THE SILENT TREATMENT A man and his wife were having some problems at home And were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife To wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece Of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it Was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he Noticed a piece of paper by the bed.. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." ***************************************** Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. ***************************************** God may have created man before woman, but there Is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. ***************************************** Send this to smart women who need a laugh And to men you think can handle it . -<>- >Boy, I'm rich! ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw Silver in the Hair Gold in the Teeth. Stones in the Kidneys Sugar in the Blood. Lead in the Feet. Iron in the Arteries. And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas. I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth! --- ...LOL! HaHa! Funny Sandi! Thank You! ============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: /\ {.-} ;_.-'\ { _.}_ \.-' / `, \ | / \ | ,/ jgs \|_/ In a misguided burst of creativity, I installed a night-light into a conch shell I found on the beach. My wife took an instant dislike to it, and at the next yard sale, it was the first thing she put out. I felt vindicated when a woman kept coming back to check it out and finally bought it. "That'll look great in your home," I said. "Oh," she replied. "It's not for me." My bridge club is having a charity sale, and we were asked to bring the most hideous thing we could find. What I have here is the winner!" -<>- On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award." -<>- A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume. The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral. The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water and measured the total displacement. The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table. -<>- Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech. "Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don't be mad, okay?" Since I don't have any daughters, I knew the person had dialed my number by mistake. "I'm sorry dear," I replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan." "Wow, Mom," the young woman's voice replied, "I didn't think you'd be this mad!" -<>- I was setting up a large, cast aluminum, decorative sundial in my yard that I had purchased from a garden catalog. A neighbor, an old Florida cracker, was leaning on the fence watching my progress and asked, "What the heck's that for?" I explained, "It's a sun dial, see the sun will hit that small triangular spike and cast a shadow on the face of the sundial. Then, as the sun moves across the sky, the shadow also moves across the calibrated dial, enabling a person to determine the correct time." My neighbor shook his head and muttered,. "Huh, what will they think of next?" -<>- I was examining cantaloupes at the grocery store and turned to the produce clerk, who was refilling the bins. "Choosing a cantaloupe is like picking a mate for marriage," I observed casually. "A person has no idea what he's getting until it's too late." "I know, I know," he replied. "I've had three cantaloupes." -<>- Q: Did you hear about the unique platypus? A: He was unlike all the otters. Q: Did you hear about the robbery in the laundry room? A: Two clothespins held up a pair of pants. ============================================================== >-->From The Jokester: ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc >The Joys Of Owning A Computer... Sometimes it becomes necessary to move your computer to a new location for whatever reason; installing/adding new hardware or just decided to move it for "easier access", for instance (note easier access in quotation marks). Whatever your reason is, this handy guide may help you alleviate some of the stress that always arises in such occasions. Keep in mind that this is a venture only to be undertaken by those who know what they're doing...and masochists. 1. Bone up on your cursing. You will need it later. 2. Pick a *good* spot to locate your computer. Don't be too picky; you will regret having started on this venture soon enough. 3. Disconnect all cables, cords, power sources, umbilical cords and plumbing. Look at the black, gray and white spaghetti mess on the floor and sob. Refer to number 1. While you're at it, it helps to focus on cursing Bill Gates and Steve Jobs for making all this possible. 4. Be sure to dust machine off, since it's been sitting for months in one spot, gathering a dust mound the size of Mt. Rainier. This is especially essential if you have asthma. 5. Now that you've picked a *good* spot, it's time to replace all the cables, cords, etc. Make sure it's in a dark, hard-to-reach location. 6. New computers have color-coded plugs and plugins to make assembly easier. This has no bearing on you since your computer is in a dark, hard-to-reach location and they're all the same color: gray. See number 1. 7. Get a flashlight. Look for new batteries for flashlight you've left in the junk drawer for months. Go to store to buy new flashlight batteries since you don't have any. Rule number 1 is coming in handy now. 8. While inserting various cords and cables, be sure to drop at least one on the floor behind the desk, where it will take a contortionist to retrieve it. 9. Find out that your printer cable is now not long enough to reach the computer (see number 1). Oh well, you didn't use it that much anyway. 10. Once you have all the cables, etc. back in place, turn computer back on. 11. Sit, puzzled why computer isn't working. 12. Plug monitor in. 13. Ponder why keyboard and mouse don't work. 14. Switch keyboard and mouse plugins. 15. Call spouse in to admire your handiwork. 16. Spouse informs you that he/she liked it better where it was, and to move it back. 17. When asked why you're banging your head on the monitor, don't reply. It would only confuse him/her. ================================================================ >-->From TheMouthPiece: __ /,- ||) \\_, ) `--' ejm Things I'd Like to Hear, Just Once >From my auto mechanic: "That part is much less expensive than I thought." "I've never seen anyone maintain his car as well as you do." "You could get that done more cheaply at the garage down the street." "It was just a loose wire. No charge." >From my son's preschool teacher: "Everyone misbehaved today except Michael." "Michael traded his candy bar for carrot sticks." "I wish we had 20 Michaels." >From a store clerk: "The computerized cash register is down. I'll just add up your purchases with a pencil and paper." "I'll take a break after I finish waiting on these customers." "We're sorry we sold you defective merchandise. We'll pick it up at your home and bring you a new one or give you a complete refund, whichever you prefer." >From my doctor: "Of course I'll come by your house to check on you." "Give me a call at home over the weekend if you're not feel- ing better." "Sure, come on by this afternoon, we'll work you in." "I'll call ahead and let them know the most you will pay for that test." "Here, take these samples." "Don't worry about it, there's no charge for that." "I recommend you get a second opinion." >From a contractor: "Whoever worked on this before sure knew what he was doing." "I think I came in a little high on that estimate." >From my dentist: "I think you're flossing too much." "I won't ask you any questions until I take the pick out of your mouth." >From a restaurant server: "I think it's presumptuous for a waiter to volunteer his name, but since you ask, it's Tim." "I was slow and inattentive. I cannot accept any tip." [From The NegaPage] -<>- --__ == o o d ~ --____ `--_ \ \ --___ o \ = ___ _`---__ * * & _______ * \_ * |_ () `--- \ | o |---|---| \ |# _| `-_ | () O # () | _| o | | * () (_)q `-_ | | ---------- () * (_) _| _|o | _O --___ |/ p __ _-- _ ___ (_) (_) \()| () b `-- _____---\ \ (_) _ # _| _| O | --------___ __ __O O o (_) (_) (_) o() () # () ('__`> ___---' o \ * _ \ o b| * ___--- // ^( , \ ~ o (_)()O o * \ & --' _- /:_-/ / ___________ \__\_\_\_\ ~ __ () _-' / /_;\ /____\__________)____________ \ _-' **/ ) \\ / \\ \ `. \ () ,' | | \\ _J \\ \ | (_) ,' | \_J,)| \\ \ ; d ,' \._/' `|_______________,------------+-+-' `.___. \ CLAP! CLAP!!! | | O |_..__.'. \ |||/ _ _ \ O || || \_\_CLAP! CLAP! / | /\`.|_) |CLAP \_\ _ | \__'= | \_ |_ /--\ | . -- / | /\ |_) | clap!---CLAP!-------++--clap-- clap! \_ |_ /--\ | . Clap _ Clap! _ *CLAP!!* Clap / | /\ |_) | Clap! CLAP!! CLAP! CLAP \_ |_ /--\ | . CLAP! Clap! CLAP! Clap! clap \ Clap!! \ clp / , `. \ | / clap ,' `. clap \ | / ,' `. \ | / ,' >You Know You've Been in a Band too Long When... You have to take out your dentures to play. You consider your drill charts a fashion accessory. You can eat Chinese food with your drumsticks. You shake your head and your lips follow three seconds later. You walk with a roll step. You pivot on every corner. You start criticizing the bands on televised parades. Duct tape is an essential part of your instrument/uniform. You have a neckstrap/drum harness tan line. You hear music and you start marking time. You walk behind someone and are in step with them. You can count by eight as easily as by ten. You can remember your music in the middle of an exam, but can't remember what class you're in. You've had a trombone-related head injury. -<>- \_/ --(_)-- . / \ /_\ |Q| .-----' '-----. __ /____[SCHOOL]___\ ())) | [] .-.-. [] | (((()) ..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb >Fun Things To Do During A Final That You Know You're Going To Fail * Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early. * If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. * Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" * On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interest- ing way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. * Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else. * Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! * Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. * Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation. * Try to get people in the room to do the wave. * After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/ her. * Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam. ============================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Chalk Art #3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart3.html Miniture Wonderland http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/modeltrain.html Amazing Gibraltar Airport http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/airroad.html Aww Animals #5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals5.html Garbage Truck Camper http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/garbage.html Zoo Animals http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/zoo.html -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna: Letter to N. Pelos---- WOW!! What a letter! Check his credentials. Then read his letter to Pelosi! Born St. Louis , Missouri , August 21, 1944 Bar Admissions: North Carolina , 1969 U.S. District Court, Eastern, Middle and Western Districts of North Carolina , 1969 U.S. Tax Court Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals Education: Woodford College , 1966 A.B. Mercer University , 1969 J.D. Phi Alpha Delta Vice-Justice, District XIV, 1968 - 1969 Professional Associations and Memberships: North Carolina and American Bar Associations (Member, Sections on: Administrative Law; General Practice; Litigation) 26th Judicial District and North Carolina State Bar Mecklenburg County Bar Association American Association of Justice North Carolina Trial Lawyers Association Captain, U..S. Army, 1969-1971, Vietnam National Defense Medal, 1969 Republic of Viet Nam Service Medal, 1970 Bronze Star Medals (2), 1971 Assistant District Attorney, Mecklenburg County , 1971 - 1974 Charlotte Chamber of Commerce Chairman, Board of Trustees Providence United Methodist Church Board of Directors, Alexander Children's Home Board of Directors, Charlotte Culinary Institute Wofford Alumni Executive Council Scoutmaster, Boy Scouts of America Board of Directors, Boy Scouts of America of Mecklenburg County Board of Directors, Girl Scout Council Life Member, National Eagle Scout Association Life Member, Girl Scouts of America Uploaded to our group photos here: http://tinyurl.com/y7kkz76 --- ...Wowsers! Thank You Johanna -<>- >From Our Friend James :) Windows by J.W.St.Pierre http://community.webtv.net/warnnnnn/doc2 --- ...Thought Provoking - Thanks James! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Cat Chopper: http://www.cat.com/sponsorships/cat-chopper Wood Man http://www.liviodemarchi.com/ stimulus saves first lady’s brother? { don't think so } http://tinyurl.com/ycqc7e7 Pray For America http://tinyurl.com/ycqc7e7 --- ...Can't see that one too often! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Max Porta Potty http://www.buffaloschips.com/gssshdj.htm Men Can't Multitask http://www.buffaloschips.com/gsashsjs.htm Men Invented Everything http://www.buffaloschips.com/gnjjhjk.htm Dog In Pool http://www.buffaloschips.com/fdee.htm Dogs http://www.buffaloschips.com/sddd.htm Don't Smoke here http://www.buffaloschips.com/kdkdd.htm Drill Team For Retired Guys http://www.buffaloschips.com/kkkkkk.htm Earthquake http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsss.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from. I saw something in a program on in Miami, and they were saying, "We've redecorated this building to how it looked over 50 years ago!" And people were going, "No, surely not. No one was alive then!" --Eddie Izzard "Al Gore says that smoking is a major factor in global warm- ing. Cigarettes are a major factor. Unfortunately when Al Gore gives a speech most people leave the room for a cigarette." --Jay Leno "I was coming back from Canada, driving through Customs, and the guy asked, "Do you have any firearms with you?" I said, "What do you need?" --Steven Wright "I married a younger man. Ten years younger than I am. I figure it like this: If you can't find a good man, raise one." --Unknown "I'm very, very jealous. Sometimes I walk down the street and I see a beautiful woman and I think to myself: "I'll bet my boyfriend would like to sleep with her" and I get SO ANGRY. I run right home and smack him, and say, 'How much more of this do you think I can take?'" --Denise Munro "My mom is very possessive. She calls me up and says things like, 'You weren't home last night. Is something gong on?' I say, 'Yeah Mom, I'm cheating on you with another mother.'" --Heidi Joyce >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Pass this on as it should be of interrest to all who served. The study was carried out in Austrialia on their Vietnam Veterans. ABC Nat. Radio Health Report Autralian Vietnam Vets: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/HealthReportVV.mp3 VV ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************