Oxymorons, Trivia And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our ShangyFunList: Group Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com :) The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This scorching hot new page is from my daughter Tammy. If you are one who appreciates the gentle and sweet nature of some pit bull mixes, then you'll love these heroic dogs. Check out these two heartwarming stories and video here: _ ,:'/ _..._ // ( `""-.._.' \| / 6\___ | 6 4 | / \_ .--' (_'---'`) / `'---`() ,' | , .'` | )\ _.-' ; / | .'` _ / /` / .' '. , | / / / \ ; | | | \ | | .| | | \ `"| /.-' | | | '-..-\ _.;.._ | |.;-. \ <`.._ )) | .;-. )) (__. ` ))-' \_ ))' `'--"` jgs `"""` Pit Bull Heroes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pitbullheroes.html --- ...So awesome. Thanks Tammy! We all miss her pit bull mix, Slade. She called him Houdini at times because he was so good at escaping from his pen. If there was a way, he figured it out! Pit Bulls often get a bad rep due to their owners. If you raise them to be mean, then they are and if you don't understand how strong and determined they can be, then they'll get loose and cause trouble every time. It is up to their human parents to keep them safe. Just like with any dpg, give them love, and they'll return it 10 fold! -<>- __ __ |--| |--| .._ o' o' (()))) _ o' o' //\\\ | __ )) _ _)) ,' ; | __ ((-.-\) o' |--| ,;::::;. (C ) / /^ o' |--| _))'='(\-. o' o' ,:;;;;;::. )\ -'( / / o' o' ( \ :' o o `:: ,-)() /_.')/ . | | .)(. |\ \ ( (_ ) / ( `' /\_) .:izf:,_ . | | | _ _| \ \ :| ,==. |: / , _ / 1 \ .:q568Glip-, \ | \ \/ '-' (__\_\____::\`--'/:: / / / \/ /|\ \-38'^"^`8k=' \L, \__\\[][]____(_\_|::,`--',:: / / /__/ <( \ \8) o o 18-'_ ( / :\o*.-.( '-,': _ :`.| L----' _)/ ))-..__)( J 498:- /] : [ \ | |=| ' |\_____|,/.' //. -38, 7~ P88;-'/ / : | \ \ | | |_| | | || :: (( : : ,`""'`-._,' / : | \ \ ; | | | | \ \_::_)) | : , ,_ / :( | / )) / /| | | | | [ | \_\ _;--==--._ MJP: | / / / / | | | | | Y |CJR (_\____:_ _: : | / / _/ / \ |lf | | CJ|mk | | ,--==--. |_`--==--'_| " `--==--' *~* We Had A Fabulous Month Of Sharing And Caring Last Month! * Please Visit And Share These With Your Friends And Family: Things That Matter! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thingsthatmatter.html Inspirational Life Rules! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liferules.html Christmas 2020! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmas2020.html Santa's Christmas Prayers! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/santaprayers.html Only In Israel 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/israel2.html Only ONE Job 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob5.html Fun With Seniors 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seniorfun2.html Carol Of The Bells! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carolofbells.html Mary, Did You Know? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mary.html _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _( )_ ( ) ( ) _( )_ ( ) ( ) _( )_ ( ` ' )| |_| | _ _ __ ( ` ' )| |_| | _ _ __ ( ` ' ) > < | _ |( ) ( ) /'_ `\ > < | _ |( ) ( ) /'_ `\ > < (_, ,_)| | | || (_) |( (_) |(_, ,_)| | | || (_) |( (_) |(_, ,_) (_) (_) (_)`\___/'`\__ | (_) (_) (_)`\___/'`\__ | (_) ( )_) | ( )_) | \___/' \___/' unknown *~* May God Abundantly Bless All Our Sweet Thoughtful Contributors! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: (*) (*) (__) ^ ^ (__) (oo) | | | @(oo)@ [..] | = | [..]@@ \ | U (-) | | | | (-) U @@@@ || ==<_\=====/_|______=_____|=|____________=__|____\====/_>== || || ) |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ( || ||___)==||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||==(___|| |\====| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |====/| | \ | | | | / | = * = = = = * = candlelight dinner cfbd Bill and Moe had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer business with sales in the millions. Their company employed over two hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes. Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply, former customers disappeared, the business failed, and personal debts forced both into bankruptcy. Bill and Moe blamed each other for the troubles, and they parted on unfriendly terms. Five years later, Bill drove up to a decrepit diner and stopped for a cup of coffee. As he was discreetly wiping some crumbs from the table, a waiter approached. Bill looked up and gasped. "Moe!" he said, shaking his head. "It's a terrible thing, seeing you working in a place as bad as this." "Yeah," Moe said with a smirk. "But at least I don't eat here." -<>- >Top 45 Oxymorons 45. Act naturally 44. Found missing 43. Resident alien 42. Advanced BASIC 41. Genuine imitation 40. Airline food 39. Good grief 38. Same difference 37. Almost exactly 36. Government organization 35. Sanitary landfill 34. Alone together 33. Legally drunk 32. Silent scream 31. Living dead 30. Small crowd 29. Business ethics 28. Soft rock 27. Butt Head 26. Military Intelligence 25. Software documentation 24. New classic 23. Sweet sorrow 22. Childproof 21. "Now, then ..." 20. Synthetic natural gas 19. Passive aggression 18. Taped live 17. Clearly misunderstood 16. Peace force 15. Extinct Life 14. Temporary tax increase 13. Computer jock 12. Plastic glasses 11. Terribly pleased 10. Computer security 9. Political science 8. Tight slacks 7. Definite maybe 6. Pretty ugly 5. Twelve-ounce pound cake 4. Diet ice cream 3. Working vacation 2. Exact estimate 1. Microsoft Works ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ January 4 is National Spaghetti Day and Trivia Day January 5 is National Bird Day January 6 is Bean Day and Cuddle Up Day January 7 is Old Rock Day January 8 is Bubble Bath Day and Male Watcher's Day January 9 is National Cassoulet Day, National Law Enforcement Appreciation Day, National Static Electricity Day, Word Nerd Day and National Take the Stairs Day. January 10 is Bittersweet Chocolate Day, Houseplant Appreciation Day and Peculiar People Day ======================================================= >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: , \. /J ..---.. .-```-. L`\ \-.__.-` L .-`` ``-. / \ | \ \ J .` _. `. J J \ `\ L/ /` \ . \ \ | | \ `, | ``-.o\ /_.-``\ L L L `\ | J , `/\` , | J J `\ / L /( `` )\ J | | , `\ | `\`---.....--`/` | L L | ` | \ (__Y__) / L-.-' J |\ | `-.____.-` / __ | | \ |`. .` ( ) `-._.-` \ | `-.. ..-` `-` `-.___.-` ``---`` NDT >TEN THINGS JESUS NEVER SAID 1. You've gone too far to be saved. 2. I'm so disappointed in you. 3. This wouldn't be happening if you were a better Christian. 4. There are some people you don't need to love. 5. Everyone should believe and act the way you do. 6. It's all up to you. 7. There are some people you don't have to forgive. 8. You've missed My will for your life. 9. I've given up on you. 10. This is a cross you must bear. -<>- A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, she called him on her phone. "Where are you? the wife said. "You know we have lots to do." He replied, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace. I couldn't afford it at the time, and I said that one day I would get it for you?" Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up. "Yes, I do remember that shop" she replied. "Well, I'm in the video game store next to that." -<>- Four expectant fathers were in a Minnesota hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse comes in and tells the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins." "What a coincidence!" the man exclaims. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!" The nurse returns a short while later and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets." "Wow, what a coincidence!" he replies. "I work for the 3M Corporation." When the nurse comes again, she tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets. "Another coincidence!" he tells her. "I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!" At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask him what was wrong. He moans, "I work for Seven-Eleven!" -<>- A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?" -<>- *umph* | _ \ / _ _|#| .-. .-. |#|_ |#|#|______/ /_ .-'-. _\ \______|#|#| [|#|#|------| ( || | || ) |------|#|#|] |#|#| |__|_.-'''-._|__| Pr|#|#| "|#| 59|#|" " " >15 EXERCISES WE'D BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT IN 2021... ~ Jumping on the bandwagon ~ Wading through paperwork ~ Running around in circles ~ Pushing your luck ~ Playing in traffic ~ Spinning your wheels ~ Adding fuel to the fire ~ Beating your head against the wall ~ Climbing the walls ~ Beating your own drum ~ Dragging your heels ~ Jumping to conclusions ~ Grasping at straws ~ Fishing for compliments ~ Throwing your weight around ~ Passing the buck ~ Running with scissors ========================================================= I am the All-Knowing Great One. What is your question? ______ , / \ / \ J__________L |(____)(____)| | /\ | J / \ L J / \ L Dude, where's my car? | /______\ | ' | ____________ | ## J' `L [[# | `------------' | .||> | | dd #################################################dp >-->Happy Trivia Day! :) "Trivia for kids is not just a fun game," says Allie Finkel, licensed clinical social worker and co-owner of Kind Minds Therapy in New York City. "It's also a great way to test their knowledge about various topics, teach them information about the world, and serves as a way to engage them." * _| __ (__ Question _) | * jgs We've got it all going on! Visit these Links to be in the know * For A SUPER Fun Trivia Day :) Amazing Animal Facts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfacts.html Amazing Dream Facts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dreamfacts.html Amazing Football Facts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/footballfacts.html Amazing Human Body http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humanbody.html Amazing Human Progress 1-2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humanprogress.html Amazing McDonald's Trivia http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mcdonaldsfacts.html Amazing Car Facts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviacarfacts.html Amazing Trivia Facts 1-9 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviafacts.html Amazing Trivia Facts UK http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviafactsuk.html Amazing Trivia Facts US http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviafactsus.html Amazing Trivia Facts World http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviafactsworld.html Funny Animal Facts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/zoo2.html Here's More - 50 Fun Trivia Questions for Kids Whether you have a science buff or a Harry Potter fanatic, look no further than this list of trivia questions and answers for kids of all ages that will be fun for little minds to ponder. https://www.parents.com/fun/activities/indoor/trivia-questions-for-kids/ ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) |..| ? ? c >| ? \'/ /><\ unknown >Smiles For Trivia Buffs Here is today's online English class lecture. * "Stewardess" is the longest word typed with only the left hand. * "lollipop" is the longest word typed with your right hand. * No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. * "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt' * Bookkeeper is the only word in the English language with three consecutive sets of letters * The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. * The words 'racecar,' 'kayak', and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). * There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous * There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." * "TYPEWRITER" is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" --- MORE TRIVIA --- Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. Scary thought! A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A snail can sleep for three years. I really would like to know how 'they' found that out Almonds are a member of the peach family. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite! Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. hmmmmmm. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. With more than 19 billion on the planet at any given time, chickens outnumber humans by almost 3-to-1. Bonus!! All the ants in the world weigh more than ALL the Elephants! Even if all the elephants were African bulls, their mass is outmatched 10,000 to 1 in favor of the ants. Now you know (a little) more than you did before!! --- ...Great! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '===================================== ,sSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "( .:. SSS@ =/ \~/ C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________] \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ >MAGA A CNN REPORTER WALKS INTO A NEIGHBORHOOD TAVERN AND IS ABOUT TO ORDER A DRINK WHEN HE SEES A GUY AT THE END OF THE BAR WEARING A "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" HAT. THE CNN GUY SHOUTS OVER TO THE BARTENDER, LOUDLY ENOUGH THAT EVERYONE IN THE BAR COULD HEAR, "DRINKS FOR EVERYONE IN HERE, BARTENDER, EXCEPT FOR THAT TRUMP SUPPORTER." AFTER THE DRINKS WERE HANDED OUT THE TRUMP GUY GIVES THE CNN GUY A BIG SMILE, WAVES AT HIM AND SAYS, IN AN EQUALLY LOUD VOICE, "THANK YOU!" THIS INFURIATES THE CNN REPORTER. SO HE ONCE AGAIN LOUDLY ORDERS DRINKS FOR EVERYONE EXCEPT THE GUY WEARING THE TRUMP HAT. AS BEFORE, THIS DOESN'T SEEM TO BOTHER THE TRUMP GUY. HE JUST CONTINUES TO SMILE AND AGAIN YELLS, "THANK YOU!" THE AGGRAVATED CNN REPORTER ASKS THE BARTENDER, "WHAT THE HECK IS THE MATTER WITH THAT TRUMP SUPPORTER? I'VE ORDERED TWO ROUNDS OF DRINKS FOR BUT HIM AND ALL THE SILLY ASS DOES IS SMILE AND THANK ME. IS HE NUTS?" "NOPE," REPLIES THE BARTENDER. "HE OWNS THE PLACE." --- ...LMAO! Good one! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >ANSWERS FROM CARP ENJOY!!!! HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR... HOPE WE HAVE MORE TO SMILE ABOUT in 2021!!!!! ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw From :CARP - Canadian Association of Retired People Q: Where can single men over the age of 70 find younger women who are interested in them? A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction. Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live. Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-70 year-old husband? A: Tell him you're pregnant. Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles? A: Take off your glasses. Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face? A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out. Q: Why should 70-plus year old people use valet parking? A: Valets don't forget where they park your car Q: Is it common for 70-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? A: Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving it is the problem. Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly? A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon Q: Where should 70-plus year olds look for eye glasses? A: On their foreheads Q: What is the most common remark made by 70-plus year olds when they enter antique stores? A: "Gosh, I remember these!" --- ...Thanks! A Very Happy Blessed New Year to you too! :) TeeHee! A great Classic! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- . . /:\ . '"-"""-"' ( . . ) .o0 a PEZ head ! \ (_) / \_v_/ /\-----/\ \|-----|/CJ | | | _ | | |_) | | | | | | | | | _ | | |_ | | |_ | | | | | | __ | | / | | /_ | | | | | Pru|_____| '-------' >One of Maxine's Best! Absolutely Excellent Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not try to blame others. HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT senior citizens who took: The melody out of music, The pride out of appearance, The courtesy out of driving, The romance out of love, The commitment out of marriage, The responsibility out of parenthood The togetherness out of the family, The learning out of education, The service out of patriotism, The Golden Rule from rulers, The nativity scene out of cities, The civility out of behavior, The refinement out of language, The dedication out of employment, The prudence out of spending, The ambition out of achievement or God out of government and school. And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others! And, we DO understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country. Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts, as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts, as the American Flag passes by in a parade! YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN! I'm the life of the party..... Even if it lasts until 8 p.m. I'm very good at opening childproof caps..... With a hammer. I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. I'm smiling all the time, because I can't hear a thing you're saying. I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere. I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg. I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps. Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life! Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I wouldn't send it back to them. Or, maybe I should send it to all my friends anyway. They won't remember, even if they did send it. Spread the laughter Share the cheer Let's be happy While we're here. MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA AND MAY AMERICA CONTINUE TO THANK GOD!! Go Green - Recycle Congress!!!! --- ...HaHa! Gotta Love Maxine! Thanks LouiseAu! ..::''''::.. .:::. .;'' ``;. .... ::::: :: :: :: :: ,;' .;: () ..: `:::' :: :: :: :: ::. ..:,:;.,:;. . :: .::::. `:' :: .:' :: :: `:. :: '''::, :: :: :: `:: :: ;: .:: : :: : : :: ,:'; ::; :: :: :: :: :: ::,::''. . :: `:. .:' :: `:,,,,;;' ,;; ,;;, ;;, ,;;, ,;;, `:,,,,:' :;: `;..``::::''..;' ``::,,,,::'' We've Got More Humor With Maxine - Just go to these links: Maxine On Holidays http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineholidays.html Maxine Humor 1-3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxinehumor.html Maxine On Jesus http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonjesus.html Maxine On the Economy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineeconomy.html Maxine On Winter http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonwinter.html ========================================================= Dexter ,-. .'\ _ ,' \ .' (_) J '-._ /\ .' (,_) / _ / ,'# )_ _\_ (_) / '_Y' /_.,' \ ( _') \ | _ / ,'\/ . | '. __) \ |'.Y / # ) --' / _.-' __) .' _._\,' ,'__,' / _\ / \ .' ,'-_ / _.-' _\ / \.' ' (_ _.-' _.-' \/ \ _.-' _.-' '-. ./ -' .-' '-.-'/ | \o _.-'####/ | \o_.-' \#####/ |_.-#\ \###/ ######\ \/' Ralf Stauder # #####`-. >-->From HandyHints: Witch Hazel was first discovered by Native Americans. Now its anti-inflammatory, antibacterial, possibly anti-viral, and astringent properties make it a popular ingredient in many cosmetic and topical products. But you don't necessarily need the expensive product to get the benefits from witch hazel for many common problems from skin irritations to an itchy scalp. Just be careful! At high concentrations it can cause more irritation than it cures. * Treat hemorrhoids Witch hazel is really effective at soothing the main symptoms of hemorrhoids: itching, redness, pain, and swelling. It can stop some minor bleeding as well. To use, swab the area with a cotton pad soaked in witch hazel. * Reduce acne Witch hazel is a common ingredient in skin toners. Its antimicrobial properties as well as the ability to reduce oil and inflammation make it well suited to manage acne. * Treat eczema and skin rashes It may seem counterintuitive to use an astringent on the rashy patches of eczema, but when paired with something soothing witch hazel's astringent properties may help to reduce inflammation. * Calm an itchy or sensitive scalp A study in the International Journal of Trichology found that using a witch hazel-based shampoo and tonic on the scalp could help reduce irritation and sensitivity. This was especially helpful for patients who were treating their hair loss with minoxidil, which could lead to an irritated scalp. -<>- Sometimes the most basic formulas are the most effective when it comes to cleaning. Case in point: All of these DIY cleaners are made out of only two (yes, two!) ingredients - and you probably have every one of them in your pantry right now. * Dish Soap + Baking Soda The next time your elbow grease isn't enough to scrub off baked-on food, sprinkle baking soda on top of your dish detergent to pump up your cleaner and add more friction to your scrubbing situation. * Dish Soap + Vinegar Add three drops of dish soap to a bowl of vinegar to attract those annoying flies in your home that are impossible to get rid of. The detergent will cut surface tension, so the flies will sink and drown. Just toss the cup once your home is fruit fly-free. -<>- * Lift the worst carpet stains... It's dish liquid to the rescue. Dissolve one tablespoon of dish liquid into two cups of warm water, and blot the stain with a clean white cloth dipped into the solution. Repeat until the stain absorbs into the cloth and disappears from the carpet. Then sponge with plain cold water, and blot dry with a clean cloth. *Solve smelly sneakers problem real quick Black teabags Black tea contains tannins, which will work to kill the bacteria that builds up in your shoes and helps to eliminate the smell. Put the tea bag in boiling water for 2-3 minutes. Remove the tea bag and let it cool. Place it in your shoe for about an hour for a natural shoe deodorizer. After you remove it, clean up any excess liquid left on the shoe. Good, old, faithful baking soda Don't feel like putting wet tea bags in your shoes? A smelly shoe or sneaker is no match for the power of baking soda. Liberally sprinkle soda in the offending loafer or lace-up and let it sit overnight. Dump out the powder in the morning. Be careful when using baking soda with leather shoes, however; repeated applications can dry them out. * Make a stove simmer My crafty and cleaning obsessed mother taught me this great hint that I'd like to share. Simmer water in a small saucepan and add orange, lemon, or lime slices with some herbs like mint or lavender. The heat permeates the sweet scent throughout the house. It is an easy trick that is handy before parties or just because it's Saturday and you are cleaning. Get creative with your scents as well... here are some other things you can add to simmering water: Cinnamon sticks, Fresh ginger, Pine sprigs, Whole cloves, Chai tea bags, Vanilla or Almond extract ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Justice with Judge Jeanine Pirro https://www.bitchute.com/hashtag/judgejeanine/ CENSORSHIP: Facebook Deletes 1.7 Million Member Group ‘Joe Biden Is Not My President!’ With NO WARNING Or Explanation / Yugoslavian Woman Explains How Communists Rose To Power In Her Country, Issues Warning To All Americans / Raphael Warnock Senate Candidate Who Supports Castro and Obama’s Rev Jeremiah Wright Says America Needs to Repent for Supporting Trump and Its ‘Worship of Whiteness’ / Democrat Controlled House Of Representatives Stripping All Gender References From Use / Statue Of Abraham Lincoln, Republican President Who Freed The Slaves, Removed From Boston Park For “Perpetuating Harmful Prejudices” / Iran Sends Warning President Trump And “Anyone Else” Linked To Killing Of Soleimani: You “Will Not Be Safe On Earth” / House Prayer to Open 117th Congress Ends With Amen and Awoman” https://thescoop.us/ WikiLeaks Founder will Stay in England, No Extradition for Assange / Murder and Violence Reach Epidemic Proportions in the US / New EEOC Guidance Makes it Easier for Employers to Mandate Vaccine / COVID Restrictions Causing CA Illegal Aliens to Return to Mexico / Venezuela Plans Digital Economy so Gov’t Can Track Citizens / The New Congress Convenes: Senate in Limbo, House is Close AND More: https://reliablenewsnow.com/ TOP Election Lawyer Drops BOMBSHELL On MSNBC Live On National Television / Soldier, 16-year-old charged in Fort Drum infantryman’s slaying / Virginia Walmart shooting leaves three injured, including a sheriff’s deputy And More: https://www.tacticalshit.com/ Distance Learning Is Causing Kids All Over America To Fail – Especially Those With Disabilities https://mommyunderground.com/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/ Latest From Deep State Journal: https://deepstatejournal.com/ Latest From 2020 Conservative: http://2020conservative.com/ Latest From Independent Minute: https://independentminute.com/ Latest From TPN News: https://threepercenternation.com/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Sausage, Cupcakes, Clothing http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: Even Arnold Schwarzenegger knew you don't stow away on an airplane in the wheel well. Jumping from a moving jet is better than freezing to death in the unpressurized under- belly at 45,000 feet. But maybe the movie 'Commando' isn't very popular in Indonesia, because a man there took a free ride in the landing gear of an aircraft this week, and actually survived the high-altitude flight of nearly two hours in thin air and sub-zero temperatures. Mario Stevan Ambarita, 21, was spotted staggering around the tarmac at Jakarta airport, shortly after the Garuda Indonesia domestic flight landed from Sumatra Island to the north. "The case was quite a surprise to us," Garuda CEO Arif Wibowo told reporters. The stowaway scaled a 8-foot fence to reach the aircraft, where he tucked himself into the rear wheel housing. He collapsed after the flight and was taken to hospital with a bleeding ear and other light injuries before spending the night in a police cell. According to local media reports, Ambarita had spent up to a year studying aircraft taking off and landing, had learned from the Internet how to hide in the wheel well and had made an unsuccessful attempt in the past to hitch a free plane ride. -<>- Remember the scare film from 1939; Reefer Madness? It was propaganda designed to show parents that if they let their kids smoke 'Mary-Jane' they would turn into s&x-addicted, violent sociopaths. Even back then the movie was laughable to all but the most naive audiences, and now we are able to look back on it as the ignorant paranoia that it is... except that it totally isn't! A recent incident in South Dakota makes the mayhem depicted in Reefer Madness look like mischievous hijinks. The story starts with a teenager smoking pot with two friends in the basement of his father's house. Mistake no. 1; don't smoke pot indoors if there is a risk of being detected. That smell is impossible to hide. So the father discovered them and ordered the two friends to leave, but when his son wanted to leave with his friends his father refused to let him go. That's when a scuffle broke out. Dad was able to hold both of them while he called the police, but no arrests or report was made because he just wanted his son's friends to leave. You would think that narrowly avoiding arrest for possession and consumption of marijuana would be enough adventure for a couple of teens for one night, but these two, cranked up on the sticky-icky, immediately went to round up 20 of their watery-eyed friends and laid in wait for the dad. When he went outside to move a car parked in his driveway, the mob surrounded the car and started beating on it and smashing the windows. Finding himself in a scene out of a horror movie, the victim threw that hooptie in gear and took off across the lawn. One neighbor said, "All of a sudden, I saw a car going 30 to 40 mph hit the curb. All you could see is headlights and kids running all over, then I saw a kid get hit while he was coming off the curb. That's when they switched to start chasing each other in their cars." The neighbor called police to report the incident. He tried to get the plates of the vehicles the teens were in but was unsuccessful. "Then it was just constant cars flying down these roads. They were hitting and swerving at each other. You don't even see this stuff on TV." Eventually, the mob dispersed. The victim was able to identify a few of the teens but didn't know most of them. One witness said he thinks both the teens and the victim should be arrested. He said the victim was trying to run the teens over and could have handled the situation better. *--- Free pistol with set of golf clubs ---* An Arizona man who was surveying the bag of a recently purchased used set of golf clubs says he found a loaded pistol inside one of its pouches. Mel Grewing and his wife, Cheryl, originally spotted the clubs in a thrift store in Sedona. Though he already owned a set, Grewing purchased the clubs and brought them to the couple's seasonal home in Bullhead City. While searching the golf bag's pouches for extra balls, tees and other accessories, Grewing says he found a Browning Arms .22-calber match-shooting pistol. A loaded magazine was inserted and the safety was off, he said. "If a child would have pulled that out and pulled the trigger, something (tragic) could have happened," Grewing said. The Grewings already own similar firearms and say they are recreational target shooters. The couple took the pistol to the Bullhead City Police Department, which found through a search of federal databases that the weapon was not reported stolen and was not registered to an owner. Grewing said he and his wife would keep the gun. "If no owner is located or contact attempts have failed, the gun may be released to its finder," department spokeswoman Emily Fromelt said. *-- Australian woman assaults officer with breast milk --* An Australian woman was denied bail after she allegedly squirted breast milk on a police officer's head, arms and clothes. Authorities said Erica Leeder, 26, of Calista, Western Australia, was being searched at the Fremantle police station after being arrested on an unspecified warrant. Police said Leeder, who was nude from the waist up during the search, grabbed her own breast and squirted milk onto the forehead, arms and clothes of the female officer conducting the search. Leeder appeared in Fremantle Magistrate's Court on a charge of assaulting a public officer. She was denied bail and ordered to undergo a mental health evaluation prior to her next court appearance. The magistrate said a previous conviction for assaulting a police officer factored into the decision to deny bail. The Western Australia Police Union said the assault charge from the incident was partially due to the possibility of spreading disease from the breast milk. *--- Tattoo gets man fired from Home Depot ---* A former Home Depot employee says the company fired him over a tattoo of his ex-girlfriend's name -- "Isis," a name derived from a fabled Egyptian goddess. The letters of the inner-lip tattoo are written in capitalized form -- "ISIS" -- giving it the exact spelling of an acronym used to reference the Islamic State, an army of Muslim extremists. "I honestly didn't know what the acronym meant until just recently," Kirk Soccorsco said. While working as a Home Depot tool demonstrator in Patchogue, N.Y., Soccorsco said, he overheard the term during a conversation and showed his tattoo to a co- worker. Home Depot and the Florida marketing firm that paid Soccorsco fired him soon after. Home Depot spokesman Stephen Holmes told reported that the termination was "a personnel matter and the decision wasn't just based on the tattoo." Soccorsco contends that he is not a terrorist and that he got the tattoo four years ago. He said he is no longer with the woman whose name is depicted. "I feel a little lost," he said. "It was a good-paying job." Soccorsco is reportedly considering legal action against Home Depot. *--- The old 'pet rat in a restaurant' ploy ---* Security camera footage from a British restaurant recorded the moment a man set his pet rat on the ground in an attempt to scam a free meal. Christopher Baker, 28, pleaded guilty to a charge of fraud by false representation after he released his pet rat at the Borneo Bistro in Sunderland, England, and demanded a refund for his meal. Kevin Smith, the restaurant's owner, said he reviewed security footage after noticing the black and white rat seemed suspiciously clean and tame. "Mr. Smith perhaps smelled a rat at this particular point and he retrieved the rat from the floor. It was a black and white rat, very calm. It did not appear to be wild at all. Acorn Pest Control attended and they said it appeared to be a pet," prosecutor Lee Poppett said. "Mr. Smith viewed the CCTV and saw the defendant fiddling in his pocket. He waited until a family moved from the table next to him and retrieved what appeared to be a rat from his pocket and dropped it on the floor. He then jumped out of his seat." Smith had harsh words for Baker after the trial. "He is just the scum of the earth," Smith told the Sunderland Echo. "I find it unbelievable that someone could be willing to go to those lengths for a free meal." ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: .'''. '(("""))' '((O.O))' '; o ;' .("|((, / | || (_ | |/ ,'..,' : ScS @[.,..' \ `, | | | >You're Getting Fat! When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what is growing in your butt?" -<>- >Ponderous Notions What was the best thing before sliced bread? If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs? If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? What do they use to ship styrofoam? -<>- >My Secret Helen and Amanda were discussing their busy schedules. Helen said, "Amanda, I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a rose. I have to know: what's your secret?" "My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six o'clock sharp." "You wake up at six o'clock?" "Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it is, and go back to sleep for another four hours." -<>- >Resolutions You Can Keep O o ,-. .:\ '`-. |:| __ b `;-( ,' | ( \|||_ ,-----(.-''--``-------. /_______`'______________\ / SSt\ Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point: Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. Stop exercising. Waste of time. Read less. Makes you think. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. Get in a whole NEW rut! Personal goal: bring back disco. Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Get further in debt. Break at least one traffic law. Get wired with high-speed net connections at home. Associate with even worse business clients. Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them. Wait around for opportunity. Focus on the faults of others. Mope about my faults. Never make New Year's resolutions again. -<>- >Q and A Quickies _ (O\ /( ) \\ MJP Q: Why did the tadpole feel lonely? A: Because he was newt to the area! Q: What do Scottish toads play? A: Hop-scotch! Q: Who did the mortician invite to his party? A: Anyone he could dig up! Q: What came after the stone age and the bronze age? A: The sausage! Q: What did the computer do at lunchtime? A: Had a byte! Q: How do you know a kid who's watches too much TV? A: You ask a five-year-old what sound a duck makes, and he answered "AFLAC!" _...--. _____......----' .' _..-'' .' .' ./ _.--._.' .' | .-' .-.' / .' _.-. . \ ' .' .' .' _ .-. / `./ : .' .' .' .--' `. | \ |`. | .' _.' .' .' `.' `-' \ / |.' .' _.' .-' .' `-. ` .' .' .' .' `-.._ _ _ _ .-. : / /o _.-' LGB .--' .' \ | .'-.__..-' /.. .` / .' .' . ' /.'/.' / | `---' _.' ' /.' .' /.'/.' ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: /\ __ \ .-':::. \ :::::|\ |,\:::'/ \ `.:::-' \ `-. \ ___ `-. | .-'';:::. `-.-' / ',''.;;;\ | ','','.''| |\ ' ,',' /' `.`-.___.-;' `--._.-' AsH My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently. "Good!" I exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to go out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first." "Great!" she replied. "I'll ride with you." -<>- I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?" -<>- When our client's dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. "Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find," he told me. At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk. "Believe it or not," I said, "this is for a sick dog." As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, "These are for my cats." -<>- One friend complained to another, "All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "If it's that bad, why don't you just leave him?" asked the second friend. "I'm seriously considering it, but I'd like to lose another 15 pounds first." -<>- A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's how I always remember." So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat, So every year that you age, she only ages half a year?" My co-worker thought about that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years." -<>- ___________________________ | ____ | || _ \ ___ __ _ ___ ___ | || |_) / _ \/ _` |/ __/ _ \ | || __/ __/ (_| | (_| __/ | ||_| \___|\__,_|\___\___| | |___________________________| | | .,:;:;,. | :;.' `.::: | %%%%%%%%%&' | : o o :` .\ p : c : .' \ ) :`. - .': .' .` ;::`--'::: .' .'| _.:;:oooo::;._ .' .' ." :::.__.;:: "' .' ' ::: ::: .' . .' ' . .-|-. .' . ' . | . : ' , `./|\.' : . . `"' : ' : : . ': : .____' : : ' ' :______________: '''' :`-.' -,.._`; :'.-.-`_.-.,': :-'.'_`'.-,.,: :.-`_.-_.-` -: : -'.'`,`.,`-; :'.` -'_'. _.: ;-`.,-`-','._: ;`- `-`- '. _: :-.`,_.`'.-.`: :,-'.`-.',-_': :._,`-''.,-.-; ;.-`--`.-,.,`: :,.-`._'.`-._: :`.'.-_.''.`.: `-.'`-'.---.-` `..' `..' mh >Signs and symptoms of inner peace: * A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences. * An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment. * A loss of interest in judging other people. * A loss of interest in judging self. * A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others. * A loss of interest in conflict. * A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.) * Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation. * Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature. * Frequent attacks of smiling. * An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen. * An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it. WARNING: If you have some or all of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition of inner peace may be so far advanced as to not be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed only at your own risk. ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: ( * ) * ) * ( ) ( ( ( ) ( ) ) * ) ) ( ( ( ( * ) H ) ) [ ] ( ( * |-| * ) ( * ) |_| . ) ( | | . ) / \ . ' . * ( |_____| ' . . ) | ___ | \~~~/ ' . ( * | \ / | \_/ \~~~/ ) | _Y_ | | \_/ ( * jgs |-----| __|__ | * `-----` __|__ __, ,__) __, ,__) __, ,__) (--|__| _ ,_ ,_ (--|\ | _ (--\ | _ _ ,_ _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| \|(/_(_|_) \|(/_(_|| ( | | ,_| ( (__| >New Year Thoughts: "Remind yourself regularly that you are better than you think you are. Successful people are not superhuman. Success does not require a super-intellect. Nor is there anything mystical about success. And success isn't based on luck. Successful people are just ordinary folks who have developed belief in themselves and what they do. Never -- yes, never -- sell yourself short." -- David J. Schwartz ** "Don't fool yourselves. For if a person just listens and doesn't obey, he is like a man looking at his face in a mirror; as soon as he walks away, he can't see himself anymore or remember what he looks like" (James 1:22–24, TLB) ** Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:13, NIV ** -<>- >What You Give Away You only get to keep what you give away It's a universal law: You have to give before you get. You must plant your seeds before you reap the harvest. The more you sow, the more you'll reap. In giving to others, you'll find yourself blessed. The law works to give you back more than you have sown. The giver's harvest is always full. Those that obtain have little. Those who scatter have much. Nature does not give to those who will not spend. -<>- >Slow Down Therapy 1. Slow down; God is still in heaven. You are not responsible for doing it all yourself, right now. 2. Remember a happy, peaceful time in your past. Rest there. Each moment has richness that takes a lifetime to savor. 3. Set your own pace. When someone is pushing you, it's OK to tell them they're pushing. 4. Take nothing for granted: watch water flow, the corn grow, the leaves blow, your neighbor mow. 5. Taste your food. God gives it to delight as well as to nourish. 6. Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set. They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed. 7. Quit planning how you're going to use what you know, learn, or possess. God's gifts just are; be grateful and their purpose will be clear. 8. When you talk with someone, don't think about what you'll say next. Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them. 9. Talk and play with children. It will bring out the unhurried little person inside you. 10. Create a place in your home...at your work...in your heart...where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it. 11. Allow yourself time to be lazy and unproductive. Rest isn't luxury; it's a necessity. 12. Listen to the wind blow. It carries a message of yesterday and tomorrow-and now. NOW counts. 13. Rest on your laurels. They bring comfort whatever their size, age, or condition. 14. Talk slower. Talk less. Don't talk. Communication isn't measured by words. 15. Give yourself permission to be late sometimes. Life is for living, not scheduling. 16. Listen to the song of a bird; the complete song. Music and nature are gifts, but only if you are willing to receive them. 17. Take time just to think. Action is good and necessary, but it's fruitful only if we muse, ponder, and mull. 18. Make time for play-the things you like to do. Whatever your age, your inner child needs re-creation. 19. Watch and listen to the night sky. It speaks. 20. Listen to the words you speak, especially in prayer. 21. Learn to stand back and let others take their turn as leaders.There will always be new opportunities for you to step out in front again. 22. Divide big jobs into little jobs. If God took six days to create the universe, can you hope to do any better? 23. When you find yourself rushing and anxious, stop. Ask yourself "WHY?" you are rushing and anxious. The reasons may improve your self-understanding. 24. Take time to read the Bible. Thoughtful reading is enriching reading. 25. Direct your life with purposeful choices, not with speed and efficiency. The best musician is one who plays with expression and meaning, not the one who finishes first. 26. Take a day off alone; make a retreat. You can learn from monks and hermits without becoming one. 27. Pet a furry friend. You will give and get the gift of now. 28. Work with your hands. It frees the mind. 29. Take time to wonder. Without wonder, life is merely existence. 30. Sit in the dark. It will teach you to see and hear, taste and smell. 31. Once in a while, turn down the lights, the volume, the throttle, the invitations. Less really can be more. 32. Let go. Nothing is usually the hardest thing to do - but often it is the best. 33. Take a walk-but don't go anywhere. If you walk just to get somewhere, you sacrifice the walking. 34. Count your friends. If you have one, you are lucky. If you have more, you are blessed. Bless them in return. 35. Count your blessings - one at a time and slowly ~ author unknown -<>- ___ ,-'" "`-. ,'_ `. / / \ ,- \ __ | \_0 --- | / | | | \ \ `--.______,-/ | ___) \ ,--"" ,/ | / _ \ \-_____,- / \__-/ \ | `. ,' \___/ < ´--------' \__/\ | Wny \__// >On with the Smiles - Quotes "Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for." -- Dag Hammarskjold Many of us have heard opportunity knocking at our door, but by the time we unhooked the chain, pushed back the bolt, turned two locks, and shut off the burglar alarm - it was gone! -- Anonymous "We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking only to learn that it is God shaking them." -- Charles West Work is a mysterious thing; many of us claim to hate it, but it takes a grip on us that is so fierce that it captures emotions and loyalties we never knew were there. -- Bob Greene, Writer "Everyday do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow." -- Doug Firebaugh "In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker." -- Woody Allen "Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional." -- Roger Crawford "We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible." -- Chretien Malesherbes "No man is an island, but some of us are pretty long peninsulas." -- Ashleigh Brilliant "The trouble with using experience as a guide is that the final exam often comes first and then the lesson." -<>- , `.-- .,-"" . ._,' . _,. `. , / .'.oo`.. `. `- .__.-' :: .; "-()-"`. \.-. / doida ; /'". ,"`'. "-- "-" .': : `----' "-" ' >What Do You Think For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grand-children. She had even produced a plastic, foldout photo album of all nine of them. She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation and said, "Oh, I've done all the talking. I am so sorry. I know you certainly must have something to say. Please, forgive me. You go ahead now. Tell me . . . what do you think of my grandchildren?" His answer was: "Solly, no speeka da Anglees." -<>- _.._ .-" "-. / ,- -. \ : ' o o ` ; ; . , : : :-.__.-: ; \ :_: :_: / bug `-._ _.-' "" >Why Exercise? It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where she is. The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass. -<>- HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH'H`HHHHH'H`HHHHHHHH HHHHHbodHHHHHbodHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHH'`HHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHooHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHP`HHHHHH'`HHHHHHHH HHHHHHb """" dHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHboooooodHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Krogg >Rules For Housekeeping 1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh. 2. Dust bunnies can evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption. 3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone. 4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?" 5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this. 6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand sewn play animals for underprivileged children. 7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive." 8. If dusting is really out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist, "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes." 9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident ... I haven't had the heart to clean it." 10. Mix one quarter cup pine scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..." -<>- oooo$$$$$$$$$$$$oooo oo$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$o oo$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$o o$$$$$$$$$$ee$$$$$$$$$$$ee$$$$$$$$$$o o$$$$$$$$$eeee$$$$$$$$$$$$$eeee$$$$$$$$$o o$$$$$$$$$ee"' $$$$$$$$$$$ '"ee$$$$$$$$$$o $$$$$$$$eee $$$$$$$$$$$ "eee$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$o o$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!$$$$$$$$$$$$o $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!j$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!j$$$$$$$$$$$ o$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!j$$$$$$$$$$o $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!$$$$$$$$$$$" $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$"" '"$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" $$$$$$$$$$f"" d$$$$$$$$$b ""q$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$" d$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b "$$$$$$$" "$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b $$$$$ "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$"" ""$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" ""$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$"" """$$$$$$$"""" unknown >Murphy's Laws Of Combat 1. You Are not a superman. 2. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. 3. Don't look conspicuous--it draws fire (that's why aircraft carriers are called bomb magnets). 4. When in doubt, empty your magazine. 5. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are. 6. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. 7. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush. 8. No plan survives the first contact intact. 9. All 5 second grenade fuses will burn down in 3 seconds. 10. Try to look unimportant because the bad guys may be low on ammo. 11. If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short. 12. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack. 13. The important things are always simple. 14. The simple things are always hard. 15. The easy way is always mined. 16. If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat. 17. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy. 18. Incoming fire has the right-of-way. 19. Friendly fire, isn't. 20. If the enemy is in range, so are you. 21. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. 22. Beer math is 2 beers x 37 men = 49 cases. 23. Body count math is 2 guerrillas plus 1 portable plus 2 pigs = 37 enemy killed in action. 24. Things that must be together to work usually cannot be shipped together. 25. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately. 26. Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing. 27. Tracers work both ways. 28. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire. 29. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out. 30. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take. 31. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right. 32. Professional soldiers are predictable but the world is full of amateurs. 33. Murphy was a grunt. -<>- ,--. ,--. ( O ) ( O ) `--' \ `--' \ _ >-. / /| `-.__.' Krogg >Bald Is Beautiful: * He never worried about his baldness. He was born that way. * Frank is very upset and frustrated tonight; he spent 40 minutes blowdrying his hair and forgot to bring it with him! * His hair was as white as snow, but somebody shoveled it off. * The most delightful advantage to being bald: One can hear snowflakes. -<>- >Retired Professors See Red How about the two old men, one a retired professor of psychology and the other a retired professor of history. Their wives had talked them into a two week stay at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting around on the porch of the hotel watching the sun set. The history professor said to the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?" To which the professor of psychology said, "Yes, I think it's the wicker chairs!" -<>- >Did You Ever Hear A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of a man having two wives, haven't you?" -<>- ............. .... .... .. .. .. .. . ___ ___ . . / , \ / , \ . . \___/ \___/ . .. . .. . .. O . . | | . . \ / . . \ / . .. \______________/ .. .. \_____\ \ \/ .. .... | \ |.... ...... | | | Derek S. Tan \___/ >GOVERNMENT WORK RULES 1) If it rings, put it on hold. 2) If it clunks, call the repairman. 3) If it whistles, ignore it. 4) If it's a friend, stop work and chat. 5) If it's the Boss, look busy. 6) If it talks, take notes. 7) If it's handwritten, type it. 8) If it's typed, copy it. 9) If it's copied, file it. 10) If it's Friday, FORGET IT!!! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Cameo Dogs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cameodogs.html Pucker Up, Baby!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babypucker.html Fairy Tale Homes!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fairytale.html Feeding The Eagles!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglefeeding.html Bobcat On A Cactus!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bobcatoncactus.html Fire Rainbow Cloud!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firerainbow.html Real Fantasy Trees 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trees2.html Spain's Wood Festival!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodfestival.html Arrows Across America!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/arrows.html Underwater River In Mexico!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underriver.html Pandas After The Earthquake!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pandae.html Giethoorn - The Venice Of Holland! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gvillage.html Amazing Homes Around The World!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahouse.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) During the filming of the BBC/PBS series 'Spy In The Wild' there were also some funny moments captured on camera. https://youtu.be/ZWkzzIaVXko Our world is a beautiful and amazing place filled with wonderful scenes if you take the time to look for them. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lt2JfJdGSY --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "More millennials are looking to get rid of extra piercings and even remove their tattoos. Researchers say it's due to a new phenomenon occurring among millennials called turning 30." -Jimmy Fallon "A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door." -Seth Meyers "A study has confirmed that eating less increases your lifespan. The study goes on to advise the residents of Wisconsin to get their affairs in order." -Conan O'Brien "An olive oil bar has opened in Brooklyn. It offers more than 40 different kinds of olive oil. If you'd like to know more, wait until your girlfriend drags you there." -Seth Meyers "It is officially one week until Christmas. That means if you're a guy, you have six days until you have to start shopping." -Conan O'Brien "A restaurant here in New York is serving a grilled cheese- flavored martini. Or as parents put it, 'Finally, a way to get my kids to finish their martinis.'" -Jimmy Fallon "In China, an animal trainer taught his monkeys kung fu but then they turned on him using their best kung fu moves. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times only teach your monkeys your worst Kung Fu moves." -Conan O'Brien "Scientists said yesterday that the T. rex may have had teeth serrated like a steak knife, which may have helped it eat meat more efficiently. Experts believe the T. rex evolved the knife-like teeth after having so much trouble using regular silverware." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $26 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all web site list readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe **********************************************************************