Panic Day, Parking Meter And A Harley Biker... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This super cool hottie is from our friend Geniann. It has
been another one of those winters that when Spring finally
gets here, we will all be jumping for joy - Thankful for no
more of that nasty four letter word! It was so bad this year
that one fellow was actually selling it on the condition that
it would go somewhere other than near his home! Amazingly
people were gobbling the stuff up! So here's an ode to the
end of the nasty stuff - one last fling before Spring...
() `.. .. `... `.. `.... `.. `..
()-'`-. `.. `..`. `.. `.. `.. `.. `.. `..
`| |\\ `.. `.. `.. `..`.. `..`.. `. `..
' |__| \) `.. `.. `.. `..`.. `..`.. `.. `..
. //\\__ `.. `.. `. `..`.. `..`.. `. `.. `..
(( `--( `.. `..`.. `. .. `.. `.. `. `. `....
. )\ `.. .. `.. `.. `.... `.. `..
,--._
` ,-'`- ;-. `.. `.. `. `.. `..
,: , `. `. `.. `. .. `.. `..
/. ` ,-' . \ `. `.. `. `.. `.. `..
( ; `. ) `... `. `.. `.. `.. `..
| ' , `. | `. `.. `...... `.. `.. `..
( / . ( ) `. `. `.. `.. `.. `..
\ ) `/ `.... `.. `.. `..`........`........
`. / ' ,'
`-:_ _,-' Consider yourself hit by a snowball !!
`--'
-shimrod
Snow Fun 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowfun3.html
---
...I love the creativity in this one! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
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ejm )\ (
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>Prayer Request From Our Friend Bunni :)
Joyce is bleeding internally now and they aren't sure where it's coming
from. They are going to have to go in yet again and find it and fix
it. She is fighting depression because of all these surgeries. This
will be number 3 in less than2 months time and it's just getting to be
too much for her to handle.
We went to see her yesterday and she was a little better but she isn't
getting much sleep because she is so nerved up about yet another
surgery. She called me last night and we talked for a little while but
they had given her morphine for the pain and she keep wanting to go to
sleep so I told her to just hang up the phone and get some rest
Thanks so much for your prayers. She still needs them. She also told
me to tell everyone thanks so much for the prayers.
Hugs........
Bunni
---
...Aww, So sorry to hear Bunni! She is in our prayers! Bless her heart!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
_.._
/` `\
| | Ice Cream Is Good For The Soul
\._ _./
/ `""""` \
| | Last week I took my children to a restaurant.
\._ _./ My six-year-old son asked if he could say
\ `""""` / grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is
\## / good. God is great. Thank You for the food,
\### / and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us
jgs \##/ ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice
\/ for all. Amen!"
Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a
woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today
don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice-cream. Why, I
never!"
Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it
wrong? Is God mad at me?"
As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God
was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the
table.
He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that
was a great prayer."
"Really?" my son asked.
"Cross my heart." Then in a theatrical whisper he added, indicating
the woman whose remark had started this whole thing, "Too bad she
never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the
soul sometimes."
Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son
stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember the
rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and without a word walked
over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told
her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul
sometimes, and my soul is good already."
_ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)
Children's Definition of Marriage
"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give
her back to her parents"
-Eric, AGE 6
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to
the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at
least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one
particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what
the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find
out."
-Anita, AGE 9
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means
you try the next one."
-Kelly, AGE 9
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind. So that's what I'll
do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and kinda handsome."
-Carolyn, AGE 8
"Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore and
you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."
-Carolyn, AGE 8
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife"
-Bert, AGE 5
"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan"
-Kirsten, AGE 10
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
somebody to clean up after them"
-Anita, AGE 9
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I
don't need that kind of trouble."
-Will, AGE 7
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
March 9 is Panic Day
March 10 is Middle Name Pride Day
March 11 is Johnny Appleseed Day
March 12 is Girl Scouts Day and Plant a Flower Day
March 13 is Ear Muff Day and Jewel Day
March 14 is Learn about Butterflies Day, National Potato Chip Day
and National Pi Day- Why today? Because today is 3.14, the value of Pi.
March 15 is Ides of March, Incredible Kid Day and Dumbstruck Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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>Dirt Road
The paving of a main dirt road had finally been completed.
Only days later an elderly man pulled out of a side street into the
path of an oncoming truck traveling on the newly paved road. No one was
hurt, but the vehicles were damaged beyond repair.
A witness to the accident asked the elderly man why he had pulled out
in front of the truck. "Didn't you see it coming?"
"I slowed down and looked both ways," he explained, "but I didn't see
any dust."
-<>-
>Lingering Hug
We had made some changes in our lives.
My husband had lost 50 pounds and after eight years of being a
housewife, I had taken a job in a restaurant.
When I returned home after my first day at work, I gave my husband a
big hug.
He seemed to cling to me longer than usual.
"Did you really miss me that much today, dear?" I asked.
"No," came the reply.
"But you smell so much like pancakes that I hate to let you go."
-<>-
>Parking Meter
I was headed to the dentist's early one morning, but when I pulled up
to a parking meter, I realized I didn't have any change. As I got out
of my car, I saw a parking officer heading my way. I called out to him
that I was going to get some change for the meter and asked him not to
give me a ticket. He said that if the meter wasn't set by the time he
got to it, I would get a ticket.
Quickly running into a nearby coffee shop, I ordered a coffee. The
waitress, seeing the bill in my hand, asked if I had anything smaller.
"No", I said, "I'm sorry, I don't."
"It's your lucky day, then" she said, handing me the coffee. "We don't
have any change, so your coffee is on the house!"
-<>-
>Private Bath
My husband and I found a charming bed-and-breakfast nestled in the
White Mountains of New Hampshire. Though enchanted, I nonetheless had
some questions about the accommodations.
"Does the room have its own bath?" I asked.
Nodding, the proprietor answered, "If no one else shows up, it does."
-<>-
>Unusual Name
Since I was a new patient, I had to fill out an information form for
the doctor's files. The nurse reading it over noticed my unusual name.
"How do you pronounce it?" she asked.
"Na-le-Y-ko," I said, proud of my Ukrainian heritage.
"That sounds real nice," she said, smiling.
"Yes, it is melodious," I agreed.
"So," she asked sweetly, "what part of Melodia is your family from?"
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
'
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.:;. .:. ::. '::.
Not expecting to do well on the economics exam, John was heartened by
the first question: In any given year, and to the nearest ton, how much
wheat does the United States export?
Smiling confidently, John wrote, "In 1492, none."
--------
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her
haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it
sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was
too late to cook up another batch.
She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They
advised Becky to boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests
volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out,
"It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti
sauce turned out."
--------
A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something
wrong with her password. No, it's not the usual caps-lock problem.
"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows
stars," she says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician
explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be
able to read your password."
"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing
behind me."
--------
Jim pulled up to the entrance of the grocery store one Wednesday
afternoon. His wife Maureen had picked up a few things and was waiting
for him. "Hi, honey," Jim cheerfully said as Maureen got into the car.
"How was your day? "I can't believe it," Maureen said. "Our bank's
closing." "What?" Jim asked. "It's closing in two days," Maureen
replied. That can't be," Jim said. "It's a national bank!" "Well it's
true," Maureen came back. "The sign says so." "What sign?" Jim asked.
"Swing by the bank and I'll show you," Maureen replied. Jim headed in
the direction of the bank. "Right there," Maureen said as they drove by
the bank. "See the sign? It says, 'We Will Be Closed For Good Friday!'"
--------
Marty arrives home from work and as soon as he sets foot
in the house, Sadie is on to him, telling him that their
friend Marvin has finally quit smoking.
"Imagine that, Marty," she says, "someone who smoked 3
packs a day for 20 years has stopped smoking all of a
sudden. Now that's what I call will power - something
that you definitely don't have. "But Sadie hadn't finished.
"And that's not all. I hear that Bernie, that drunken
friend of yours, is finally giving up drinking - another
example of the kind of will power that you don't have."
"OK, Sadie," said Marty, "you want to see will power,
do you? Well here's will power. I am going to sleep in
the spare room from now on. I am going to prove to you
that I won't be affected at all by not sleeping with a
woman."
Marty keeps to his word.
One night, when he had been sleeping alone for a week,
there is a knock on his bedroom door.
Marty shouts out, "What do you want?"
Sadie replies, "Marvin has started smoking again."
----------
After Sunday mass, a little boy named Rocco told Father O'Reilly,
"When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," Father O'Reilly replied. "But why?"
"Because," little Rocco responded, "my mamma says you're one of
the poorest preachers we've ever had."
----------
Two blondes were going to the mall.
When they got out of the car, they started tossing the car keys back
and forth.
One of the blondes missed, and the keys flew into the sewer drainpipe.
The other blonde tried to reach it but couldn't.
So, she called a locksmith, and a cop.
When the two got there, the blondes explained what happened, then the
cop tried to reach the keys but couldn't.
Finally the locksmith opened the door.
The blonde that missed the keys in the first place said,
"Whew... for a second there I thought we might have needed to use the
SPARE key."
----------
Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and
a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned.
Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad. Liz: "Heard you went
off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay, but you
look so sad. Why?" Sally: "Cause I just can't get a man." Liz: "Well,
you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods." Sally: "Don't be
so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods 'cause I needed
something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it." Liz:
"I don't understand what you're talking about." Sally: "Well, I went
there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird
cage." Liz: "So, how's that going to help you get a man." Sally: "Well,
I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."
----------
Teacher: Who is the President of United States?
Little Johnny: I don't know Miss
Teacher: You need to focus more on your studies.
Johnny: Please Miss, can I ask a question?
Teacher: Yes.
Johnny: Do U know Angela?
Teacher: No, why?
Johnny : You need to focus more on your husband!
---
...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
Where Icicles Come From...
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If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down
when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first
date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first
date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date
experience.
There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold... and the guy had
taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah .
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and
had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful
until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to
realize that she should not have had that extra latte !! They were
about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of
nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for
a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a
point here she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside
the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her
pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing,
so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her
companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed
was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think
about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of
the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As
she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks
were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen
to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her
flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand
new problem, due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humour of the moment, she
answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a
reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some
assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with
her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst
out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to
compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical
as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.
Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from
the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the
predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was
only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her
first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the
fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize
hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'. And you thought
your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment..... 'This gives a
whole new meaning to being pissed off.'
Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was
sitting next to her on the Leno show.
If you laughed at this pass it on.
Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your
heart, then you are just a sour old fart or tart.
"Have a great day, unless you've made other plans".
---
...LMAO! Good jokes and funny story! Thanks LouiseA!
The Truth?
This urban legend has circulated for a long time and TruthOrFiction.com
classes it as an entertaining tale but with no proof that it ever
really happened.
The folks at the Tonight show say the story did not take place on their
program.
-<>-
.
._O_. .
/_\o/_\ .
/H\ .
(=O=).
U.
unknown
>A Harley biker
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a
little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her
by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter
her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion
square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl,
and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him
endlessly.
A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter, addressing the
Harley rider, says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing
I've seen a man do in my whole life."
The Harley rider replies, "Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was
behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt
right."
The reporter says, "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a
journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the
front page. So, what do you do for a living and what political
affiliation do you have?"
The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed
brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
"U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!"
THAT pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days.
---
...Chuckles! A great classic! Thanks LouiseA!
=======================================================
-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
.
\ | /
_\|/_
.' ' ' '. ___
_.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-.
.'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'`
.'.' ||()|()||
.___..-'.' / \
`----'"` / .-. \
(.'.(___).'.)
`.__.-.__.'
jgs |_| |_|
`.`-'.'
`"`
Hello, and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please
select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the
line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press;
nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the
beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up; our operators are too busy
to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie
down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons; you'll just mess it up.
During National Mental Health Care week, you can do your part by
remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care
...and that is why I sent this to you (.....and of course someone sent
it to me understandably !!!! )
---
...LOL! Thanks PatDeE!
I think the world is unstable! So that tells you where I am!
Only those walking with God have sound minds!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
There is an old joke about two men sitting in a bar when
an attractive woman, a former co-worker of one of the men,
comes in and sits down next to him. She tells him she had
just had a fight with her husband, a police officer, and
was thinking about getting out of the marriage and needed
a shoulder to cry on.
They had been talking intimately for a few minutes when,
as a joke, the second man leaned over to the first and
said, "John, don't look now, but a guy about six-five just
walked in, and he's got a gun."
Without hesitating, John turned to his friend and answered,
"Quick, Ed, kiss me on the mouth!"
Now take this joke and substitute a fast food restaurant
for the bar and you pretty much have today's story.
This happened in Chesapeake, Va. where Dylan Fell arranged
to meet a woman he was dating in a McDonald's parking lot.
Moments later, a Portsmouth police officer arrived.
"She got in. About two minutes into it, a blue car pulled
in behind me to block me in, and I looked in the rear view
mirror, and I said, 'Who is that?' And she said, 'Oh, that's
my husband,'" says Fell.
Unfortunately, Mr. Fell did not have a wingman to kiss on
the mouth at the time.
He says he thought his date was separated from her husband,
and surely didn't know the husband was an officer. But what
happened led to charges and a complaint against police
Sergeant Robert Huntington.
Fell says the sergeant tried to yank him out of his truck
and arrest him for no reason.
"By that time, he reached through the window with both hands
and grabs my shirt, and tries to pull me out this window.
When he had grip of me, he took his left hand and hit me
in my crotch, reaches for what I thought was a gun and I'm
scared for my life and I take off," says Fell.
Hours later, Dylan filed an assault report with Chesapeake
police and then went to Portsmouth police to file an internal
affairs complaint.
Sergeant Huntington is now facing assault charges, but is
still working for the department.
*-- Man sued Applebee's after burning himself while praying --*
WESTAMPTON, N.J. (UPI) - A New Jersey appeals court
rejected a lawsuit from a man who alleged he suffered
burns from his Applebee's fajita when he bowed his head
to pray. Hiram Jimenez's lawsuit alleged he visited the
Westampton restaurant in March 2010 with his brother,
Rafael, and they decided to pray over their food.
Jimenez said he bowed his face over his steak fajita,
which was served on a skillet, and he soon heard a loud
sizzling noise followed by a grease pop that led to a
burning sensation on the left side of his face, including
his eye. Jimenez, who alleged the waitress did not warn
him the food was hot, said he knocked the plate over in
a panic, causing the food to spill on his lap and incite
further burns. None of the burns left any scarring, but
Jimenez filed a lawsuit in state Superior Court, accusing
the restaurant of negligently giving him hot food that
led to serious injury. The Superior Court ruled against
Jimenez, saying the danger caused by the sizzling fajita
skillet was "open and obvious" when Jimenez chose to put
his face near it. The two-judge appeals panel sided with
the lower court. "Here, the danger posed by a plate of
sizzling hot food was self-evident," the ruling stated.
*-- Long Island man busted for using wooden dummy in carpool lane --*
DIX HILL, N.Y. (UPI) - A New York state police officer
said he pulled a car over for speeding in a carpool lane
and discovered the passenger was a wooden dummy in a
hooded sweatshirt. Suffolk County Highway Patrol Officer
Jonathan Abrams said he spotted a car speeding in the
high-occupancy vehicle lane on the Long Island Expressway
in Dix Hill about 6:30 a.m. Friday. Abrams pulled over
James Campbell, 56, and quickly "realized that the front
seat passenger wasn't human," the officer told WABC-TV.
"I was trying not to laugh at the guy because I thought
it was quite silly," Abrams told WNBC-TV. Abrams said
Campbell told him he was using the dummy so he could take
the HOV lane and be on time for his new job. Campbell said
he has been using the dummy to travel in HOV lanes "for
months." He said being cited for speeding and an occupancy
violation has not changed his habits -- Campbell said he
used the dummy to drive in the HOV lane on his way home
Friday.
*-- Alcoholic Russian bears may get rehab help in Romania --*
SOCHI, Russia (UPI) - A pair of Russian bears purported to
have become alcoholics from living outside a Sochi
restaurant for 20 years are being offered rehab in Romania.
The Big Hearts Foundation said the two male bears, which
a February court ruling ordered to be seized from the
owner of the Georgian restaurant in Sochi on March 3,
have been offered a new home at a bear sanctuary outside
Brasov, Romania, where officials said the animals would
be treated for alcohol addiction. "The people there have
worked with dancing bears who had similar problems," Anna
Kogan, head of the Big Hearts Foundation, told the BBC.
"It can be done." The Big Hearts Foundation, based in
Britain, is working with charities, including France's
Brigitte Bardot Foundation, to secure transport for the
animals. Kogan said the charities are seeking help with
the logistics of the bears' move. "It's a very expensive
process to move them abroad," Kogan said. Sergei Zenkov
of the Russian Nature Ministry said the agency would
support moving the Sochi bears to the Romanian sanctuary,
but the animal rights charities would be responsible for
taking care of the necessary paperwork. The Big Hearts
Foundation said the bears "drowned in beer" at the
restaurant for 20 years, as patrons would frequently
pass drinks to the animals. The owner of the restaurant
said "beer is good for the bears because of the Sochi
climate." "There are drunken people who come to the
restaurant, park their cars in front of the bears and
throw things to the animals so that they get drunk and
behave funnily. They are held in cages -- and have been
blinded by the car lights," Kogan told The Independent.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
((" ")
<)) <\(>
'\| |\
________/|______| \_________ kOs
A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My
husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He
doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around
the house organizing things."
The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after
we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and
plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in
its place.'"
The first woman asked, "Did it help?"
Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."
-<>-
[This joke is just plain stupid. Actually, I'm embarrassed
to run it, but I don't have a decent 'groaner' to put in its
place. Not surprisingly, the reader who sent it in did not
provide a name. I apologize in advance.]
The hunched back man decides very reluctantly, that he should
go see a doctor after a few too many people have started to
comment on his back.
DOCTOR: I need for you to get undressed, sir.
(Hunchback removes jacket and then stops)
HUNCHBACK: I really don't like getting undressed, doctor.
DOCTOR: If you want me to examine your back you'll have to
get undressed. (Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his
t-shirt on)
HUNCHBACK: I don't like showing people my back. They always
laugh at me.
DOCTOR: Do you want me to examine your back or not?
(Very reluctantly, the hunchback removes his t-shirt)
DOCTOR: Ah...just how long is it since you were in school?
HUNCHBACK: Gosh, over 20 years, doctor. Why?
DOCTOR: Did you ever wonder all those years what happened
to your backpack?
-<>-
Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were
standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and
diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit
smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time.
Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this
without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for
compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing
instead of these things?"
After a slight pause, she shrugged her shoulders and said,
"Well, my sister's pregnant."
-<>-
A couple is in their bedroom. The man says, "Tonight I am
going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
She responds, "I'll miss you."
-<>-
When my daughter was about 6, my sister was babysitting for
the day. My sister had a soap opera on the tv and during a
love scene, my daughter expressed how gross she thought it
was that a man and a woman were kissing. My sister explained
that when a man and a woman are in love, kissing is not gross.
She then said, "your Mommy and Daddy kiss - they're in love."
My daughter's rebuttal to that was "No they're not - they're
married!" --Christine
[Obviously a fan of Curly Howard who was fond of asking, "Are
you married or happy?"]
-<>-
.-=-.
////"\\
.=. ( 6 6 )
//"\\ \ - /
(/6 6\) _.) (._
)\ = /(-` `:` `\
_(_ ) ( _)-| : |\ \
(_/ `\_/` \ | : |/ /
/ (_ @ _) \\_ : _/ /
\ \)___(/ / |===|_)
\/`"""`\/ | L |
| | | | |
| | | | |
|_____| | | |
||| | | |
||| | | |
||| |_|_|
jgs / Y \ / T \
`"`"` `"`"`
The 5 toughest questions for men are:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is
guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers
incorrectly ( i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public
service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible
responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've
been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm,
wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and
how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer,
which most likely is one of the following:
a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al
Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was
thinking, I would be talking to you!")
Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed
answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, shit loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?
Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about
how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is always: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty..
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about
how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question# 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question.
(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette!")
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@,""""""@@@@@@@@@@@@
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unknown
>To Realize...
To realize
The value of a Family
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
Who has given birth to
A premature baby....
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
You can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend or family member:
LOOSE ONE.
Remember...
Hold on tight to the ones you lov
---
...Great One! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
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:-----:
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Storm
>Top 15 Country Song Titles
15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
8. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like Having You Here
7. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now
6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him
5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer
1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women,
but I've Sure As Heck Woke Up With A Few.
Have A Fun Day!
-<>-
_H_
/___\
\888/
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~U~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
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~ o | ~
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>Only ONE Sale!
A keen immigrant Indian lad applied for a salesman's job at
London's premier downtown department store. In fact, it was
the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.
The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"
"Yes sir, I was a salesman in India", replied the lad.
The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow
and I'll come and see you."
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got
through it. And finally 6:00 PM came around. The boss duly
fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"
"Sir, Just ONE sale." said the young salesman.
"Only one sale?" blurted the boss. "No! No! You see here,
most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. If you want to
keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one
sale! By the way how much was the sale worth?"
"= 93300534.00 pounds" said the young man.
"What"," How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
"Well", said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him
a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large
hook. Then I sell him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down
the coast. So I told him he'd be needing a boat, so I took him
down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner
with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably
wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive
department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer. I then asked
him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation,
I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new
igloo 6-sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we're at
it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases
of beer."
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold
all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!"
"No" answered the salesman, "he came in to buy a headache relief
tablet and I said to him, "Sir, fishing is best remedy for headache."
Boss - "You sit in my chair...
--
...LOL! Thanks Linda!
==========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Amazing Bus Stops
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bus.html
Worlds Fastest Cars!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html
Texas Outhouse Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html
Telephone Sheep Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/phonesheep.html
Worlds Largest Holes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/holes.html
MacGyver - How To Do It!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver.html
Dirty Car Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carart.html
True Fish Tale
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fishrescue.html
Freaky Art Vans!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artvan.html
Unique Car Show
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carshow.html
Highway to Hell
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dirt.html
Amazing Air Cars
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aircars.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
The Japanese dance troupe 'Enra' combines light, music and state-
of-the-art technology in their wondrous performances. This performance
entitled "Pleiades", or the Greek name for the Seven Sisters star
cluster, was directed by notable Japanese artist Nobuyuki Hanabusa.
Enjoy this stunning meeting of music, dance and light in one fantastic
performance!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0813gcZ1Uw8&feature=player_embedded
The Sokolov Troupe from Moscow is defying gravity with their most
amazing teeterboard act.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oC8ZWRqyKSA&feature=player_embedded
With a small plane, we go on a tour over some of the hottest spots in
the US, and unsurprisingly, find a lot of both urban and natural beauty
in the way!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=KcuDdPo0WZk
This magician has a lot of style, but does it cover a lame act, or is
this just part of a brilliant one? In our opinion, the answer is the
latter, as he pulls one of the greatest tricks we've ever seen!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wK86kO8lRf4&feature=player_embedded
---
...Good videos! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
She sent us one we have here...
Notes to God
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cnotes.html
---
...How cute! Thanks Linda!
Funny
http://tinyurl.com/lpe5typ
---
...HaHa! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
Hop It - Simon's Cat - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYdDRTRaWr8
Watch this 12-year-old sing the National Anthem
http://tinyurl.com/lzpult6
---
...Sweet! Thanks Melody!
Momkhana - Wild For Shoes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-j0H5sP-prk#t=20
---
...Now this one was silly! Thanks Melody!
See what I mean about the world being unstable? Seems
just a waste of good tires to me.
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"According to a new study, men are naturally programmed to
want more than one woman even when in monogamous relation-
ships. And the scientists who conducted the study want to
know if they can crash on your couch for a while." -Seth Meyers
"A developer has created a zero-gravity martini glass, which
promises to let astronauts drink cocktails in space without
spilling. Our astronauts are drinking? Guys, the first step
is admitting to Houston that you have a problem." -Seth Meyers
"Music duo Hall & Oates is reportedly suing a company over
a cereal named Haulin' Oats. Though the company says it's
totally different because in their cereal, oats is the star."
-Seth Meyers
"Today is National Grammar Day. But come on, who cares?
Sorry, I mean, WHOM cares?" -Seth Meyers
"Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year-olds
in the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day.
Pediatricians say giving caffeine to toddlers can cause
depression, diabetes, sleep disturbance, and obesity. On the
plus side they get a lot more finger painting done."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"MAC Cosmetics is launching a line of makeup that's inspired
by the new live-action 'Cinderella' movie. Because what girl
doesn't want makeup inspired by a story where the woman turns
into an ugly loser at midnight? " -Jimmy Fallon
"Forbes released its annual list of billionaires. Once again
the richest person on the planet, with $79.2 billion, is Bill
Gates. To put that into perspective, that's enough money to
never have to drink tap water at a restaurant ever again."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"Taco Bell is testing a new product called 'Cap'n Crunch
Delights,' which are balls of sweet dough, covered in crushed
Cap'n Crunch cereal, and filled with a 'milk icing' - you
know, Mexican food." -Seth Meyers
"During the CPAC conference, Rand Paul told the crowd it was
time for a new president and that people need to help make
the change. Of course, most people agreed with him, since
that's how term limits work." -Jimmy Fallon
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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