Parachutes, Ants, Super Hero And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle new page is from our friend LouiseAu. It is sure to spike your aww meter and give you plenty of smiles for your day. Be sure to check it out along with the video here too... . --- . / \ | O _ O | | ./ \. | / `-._.-' \ .' / \ `. .-~.-~/ \~-.~-. .-~ ~ | | ~ ~-. `- . | | . -' ~ - | | - ~ \ / unknown ___\ /___ ~;_ >- . . -< _i~ `' `' Lala The Penguin http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lalapenguin.html --- ...So adorably cute! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: __ .-' '-. [nabis] / ) | C o( \ > ) \ / ..`' .-._ / `' ///// / _ \ ( | / |/ ) \\ / _, / / |\ / / / / | \ / / ( ) /\ ' / \ \ ( `-' \ \ Y The junior executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains. Neither one could account for his trouble. Arriving home from work one night, he informed her. "I finally discovered why I've been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra- modern office furniture two weeks ago, and I just learned today that I've been sitting in the wastebasket." -<>- A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again. Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm twelve blocks past my stop already." -<>- An Australian entered a bar and stood beside a Scotsman. "Where are you from, pal?" asked the Scotsman, after they had chatted for a while. "I'm from the finest country in the whole wide world," said the Australian. "Are you?" said the other, "You have a darn funny accent for a Scotsman." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ July 13 is Barbershop Music Appreciation Day, Embrace Your Geekness Day, Fool's Paradise Day, National French Fries Day and National Nitrogen Ice Cream Day July 14 is Bastille Day, Pandemonium Day, National Macaroni and Cheese Day, National Nude Day and Shark Awareness Day July 15 is Be a Dork Day, Cow Appreciation Day, National Hot Dog Day and Tapioca Pudding Day July 16 is Fresh Spinach Day and World Snake Day July 17 is Peach Ice Cream Day, World Emoji Day and Yellow Pig Day July 18 is National Caviar Day July 19 is National Daiquiri Day, National Ice Cream Day and National Raspberry Cake Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ______ _\ _~-\___ = = ==(____AA____D \_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._ / o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_ `~-.__ ___..----.. ) `---~~\___________/------------````` = ===(_________D -Roland >First-Time Flyer The first-time flier was very nervous as he buckled his seat belt before takeoff. He turned to the woman in the next seat and asked, "About how often do jetliners like this crash?" She thought a moment and replied, "Usually, just once." -<>- >Exercise Machine My husband bought an exercise machine to help him shed a few pounds. He set it up in the basement but didn't use it much, so he moved it to the bedroom. It gathered dust there, too, so he put it in the living room. Weeks later I asked how it was going. "I was right," he said. "I do get more exercise now. Every time I close the drapes, I have to walk around the machine." -<>- >Flower Therapy "That's a nice plant," said a woman at the florist's shop, pointing to the flower I was buying. "Yeah, my wife and I had an argument," I admitted. "I was going to buy her a dozen roses, but I don't think she's that mad at me." -<>- >Telemarketing Calls I used to hate it when telemarketers would call but nowadays I welcome them with open arms. Their calls are opportunities for me to turn the tables and inconvenience them instead of them inconveniencing me. Perhaps they have now blacklisted me because I don't get as many calls as I used to but when my caller ID shows "Private Caller" my adrenaline rushes and I am ready to play. One of the new ploys that telemarketers are using is to call you electronically. You pick up the phone to hear a recorded voice say, "Please stay on the line for an important message." They actually expect you to wait on hold while they take their sweet time before getting around to selling you something. The last time I got one of these calls, I put on some classical music and waited for someone to greet me. As soon as I heard the telemarketer say hello, I said in my best radio advertiser voice, "Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line. Our next available representative will be with you shortly." I let the music play and would repeat those phrases at thirty second intervals. Finally I turned off the music and said, "Hello?" "Hello, this is Jane with Allied Travel. How are you today?" "Well, my gouts been acting up, I've got terrible hemorrhoids, I've got poison ivy on the bottom of my feet and I just ate a pizza so the heartburn will be coming on soon." "I'm sorry to hear that sir but I'm calling to tell you about some of our exciting travel packages that ..." I interrupted her, "You don't really care about how I'm doing, do you?" "Why, sure I do?" "You want to come over and throw some horseshoes?" "Well sir, I can't do that right now. I have to call people and tell them about our travel packages." "You can use my phone. Come on over." "I'm afraid I can't do that." "You don't like me do you?" "Of course I like you sir." "So why won't you come over?" "Well, I'm working." "I got some pork rinds and some Pepsi and I could fry up a little fatback if you'd like." "Boy, that sounds real tempting but I'll have to take a rain check on that." "Okay, how about tomorrow then?" "I can't. I'm working." "How about the day after tomorrow then?" "Actually sir, I'm not supposed to get too personal with the people I call." "Why'd you ask me how I was doing then?" "That's just a courtesy." "You don't like me do you?" "Yes sir. I like you just fine." "So ... You want to come over and throw some horseshoes?" (click) -<>- ,.--'`````'--., (\'-.,_____,.-'/) \\-.,_____,.-// ;\\ //| | \\ ___ // | | '-[___]-' | | | | | | | jgs `'-.,_____,.-'' >College Dorm Resident Assistant When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, "Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!" It was then he realized we'd removed the drainpipe beneath his sink. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ____ SSSS____. (WW);;;;;\ `WW'____ | ,_____ UU ||||\ \___/,---. ) UU |||||\____/||| // UU ||||||||||||" // UU |||||||||||' // UU |||||||||" // UU ||||||||' // UU |||||||" // UU ||||||' // UU ||||" // UU |||" // UU ||' // UU |" // ,UU,' || (~~~~~~~~~~~~]""' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ferenc Riesz >SMILES My friend Agnes is an accomplished harpist who frequently plays for weddings, receptions, parties, and other such events. She is also blonde and has an appropriately cherubic face. She was on her way to an engagement at the Peabody Hotel in Memphis, and she stepped into an elevator with her large golden harp. Just before the doors closed, a distinguished gray-haired man stepped on. As the elevator rose, he looked thoughtfully first at her and then her harp and asked, "And just how far up are you going?" ---------- My friend's husband, Ray, is a state trooper and enjoys sharing the excuses people use when stopped for speeding. One day, however, the tables were turned. Ray maintains an aquarium of exotic fish, and a prized specimen had threatened to turn belly up. The off-duty officer called a pet store, and they advised him to immediately purchase a special additive that would correct the water's PH. Ray and his wife jumped into the car and rushed to the store. A state trooper signaled them to pull over. "Go ahead," Ray's wife said. "Tell him you've got a Sick Fish!" ---------- We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and its beautiful maple doors became available for sale as salvage items. We bought several and had them installed in our 19th-century home. Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out, "You know, these doors are from the Piedmont Hotel." He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take towels." ---------- The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest baby. "When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn't lose any of them. Now," she added, looking around at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us." ---------- One day at kindergarten a teacher said to the class of 5-year- olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either." Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2." As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business..." ------- A redneck felt sick and decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him. "I can't seem to find the problem, but I think it has something to do with alcohol." "Well," said the redneck, "then I'll come back when you're sober.' ------- Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!" ---------- A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat." ---------- My kids love surfing the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on sticky notes. One day I noticed their password was "BatmanSupermanRobinJoker". And so I asked why it was so long. Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters." ---------- A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. Little Johnny, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire-truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how many times have you seen a red duck?" Little Johnny replied, "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella." ---------- A sailor meets a pirate in a bar.... A sailor meets a pirate in a bar. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. "How'd you end up with a peg leg?" asks the sailor. "I was swept overboard in a storm," says the pirate. "A shark bit off me whole leg." "Wow!" said the sailor. "What about the hook?" "We were boarding an enemy ship, battling the other seamen with swords. One of them cut me hand clean off." "Incredible!" remarked the sailor. "And the eye patch?" "A seagull dropping fell in me eye," replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. Said the pirate, "It was me first day with the hook." ---------- Sunday School Teacher: "Now Little Johnny, I want you to memorize today's motto, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive." Little Johnny: "Yes ma'am, but I know it already. My father says he has always used that as his motto in his business." Teacher: "Oh, how noble of him! And what is his business?" Little Johnny: "He's a boxer." ---------- Adam and Eve must have had a great marriage. Adam couldn't talk about his Mother's cooking, and Eve couldn't mention all the men she could have married. --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- __ .-'||'-. .' || '. / __||__ \ | /`- -`\ | | | 6 6 | | \/\____7___/\/ .--------:\:I:II:I:/;--------. / \`:I::I:`/ \ | `------' | | \____/ | | , __ _____ , | |======| / / / _ \ |======| |======| / /__ \ <_> / |======| |~~~~~| | <_> \/ <_> \ |~~~~~| | |\ \____/\_____/ /| | \ \| |/ / `\ \ _ _.-=""=-._ _ / /' `\ '`_)\\-++++-//(_`' /' jgs ; (__|| ||__) ; ; ___\ /___ ; '. ---/-=..=-\--- .' `""` `""` >Washington Redskins... No matter which side you are on in the matter of renaming the Washington Redskins, this guy is hilarious... This is an e-mail sent to Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune after an article he published concerning a name change for the Washington Redskins. Dear Mr. Page: I agree with our Native American population. I am highly jilted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward. Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns. The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60's alive. Gone. It's offensive to us white folk. The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men's lives. I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names. Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres. Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates! Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits. Wrong message to our children. The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our children. The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Wrong message to our children. The Milwaukee Brewers. Well that goes without saying. Wrong message to our children. So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of thing the do-nothing Congress loves. As a die-hard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, suggest it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women's athletic teams to something other than "the Beavers (especially when they play Southern California. Do we really want the Trojans sticking it to the Beavers? --- ...Oh for goodness sake! Haha! Thanks LouiseAu! Sure is nuts these days - can't sneeze, cough or clear your throat without it offending people! We're become a world of pansies! -<>- _________ / \ / _ _ _ \ |/ \ / \ / \| \ | _ | / o `(_}' o \/.X.\/ |_| // \\ \\ // U U nmf >Parachutes A plane has five passengers on board: Donald Trump, the Pope, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Nancy Pelosi, and a ten year old school girl. The plane is about to crash and there are only four parachutes. Dr Fauci, said 'I need one, I have to help develop a cure for the global health crisis that is COVID19!' He straps on a parachute and jumps. The pope said 'I need one, I have to help spiritually guide people through the global health crisis that is COVID19!' He takes one and jumps. Pelosi said 'I need one, I'm the smartest woman in the United States.' she takes one and jumps. President Trump pauses for a moment and then turns to the 10- year-old. After a deep sigh, he says tenderly, "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only starting'. The child replies, 'Don’t worry, there are two parachutes left. The smartest woman in the United States took my school backpack. --- ...LOL! Action tells it all! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: . | . \ | / `. \ ' / .' `. .-*""*-. .' "*-._ /.*" "*.\ _.-*" : ; ____ """"': .. ; _.-*" \ `.__.' / "*-._ .' `-.__.-' `. bug .' / . \ `. / | \ ' | ` Don't you feel great after having a beautiful day outside? Everything just seems better, doesn't it? Studies do show that spending time outside is one of the best medicines, just a small amount each day offer tons of benefits. We've all heard that spending time in the sun provides us with Vitamin D, but even if your summer gets off to a soggy start, you can still reap other benefits of being outdoors. I've listed a few below. * Better Sleep Quality Our circadian rhythms are naturally linked to the sun's schedule. Spending too much time indoors can greatly affect our natural rhythms and can be harmful to our sleep patterns. On the flip side, more time spent outdoors, especially in the morning, can improve our sleep. Looking for ways to add outdoor time to your day? Read the paper on your patio, play fetch with your dog, take a stroll around your landscape, or just enjoy the birds chirping! * The sun keeps your bones healthy. That's because your body produces vitamin D when exposed to the sun. The so-called "sunshine vitamin" helps the body absorb calcium, which is essential for bone health. Vitamin D is found in fatty fish like salmon and in fortified dairy products, but it's also naturally produced when the sun shines on skin, triggering a reaction that makes vitamin D from cholesterol. -<>- It might seem like water is the most harmless cleaning agent out there, but there are a few things you should never clean with it. Sometimes it does more damage than good and you need to use cleaning products meant for specific finishes or surfaces. * Wood This includes wood furniture, wood and laminate floors and wooden instruments. Just think about what happens when you leave a glass on your wooden table without a coaster. If water gets into the wood it can cause it to swell and change colors. Use a microfiber cloth or mop and a spray-on cleaning solution designed for what you are cleaning. For wood furniture you can also use lemon oil or a similar product to protect it. * Electronics This should be a no-brainer, but electricity and water do not mix. You should only dry dust electronics. If you do have to clean something that will not come off with a dry cloth, get your cleaning cloth just slightly damp with a light-duty cleaning product then clean the electronics. Never spray any liquid directly onto electronics. * Silver If you try to clean your tarnished silver with water, it will just create more tarnish. The best thing you can do is use silver polish. If you don't have silver polish around, try using ketchup. The mild acidity will help get rid of the tarnish. * Leather If you try to clean leather furniture, bags, or clothing items with water, it will cause streaks and will eventually cause the leather to crack over time. There are specific leather cleaners designed for leather, which will not have these problems. * Brass fixtures or instruments Using water to clean brass fixtures and instruments will remove the lacquer and lead to further tarnish and cause permanent damage. Stick to cleaning with a quality brass polish. --- \ / \ / \.-./ (o\^/o) _ _ _ __ ./ \.\ ( )-( )-( ) .-' '-. {-} \(// || \\/ ( )) '-. //-__||__.-\\. .-' (/ () \)'-._.-' || || \\ MJP (' (' ') ...Having trouble with ants? Check out all these hints to get rid of them! https://tipnut.com/ant-killer/ ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Massive 'Back the Blue' Rallies Taking Place Across the Nation All across America we are seeing rally’s being organized in support of law enforcement. https://tinyurl.com/y8fdafc7 One American Athlete was Praised for Standing During the National Anthem Recently https://tinyurl.com/y89zvxkq Dems Boycott America’s Largest Hispanic-Owned Business https://tinyurl.com/y9hewkb9 ICYMI: Man allegedly ran over Marine veteran and former police officer for being white https://tinyurl.com/ya6tnkqu It will be a hot summer, experts want to end air conditioning https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Whistleblower Exposes Facebook’s Deep State Ties With Mind- Blowing Revelation https://tinyurl.com/y7wvsb5u Dead Cat Gets Voter Registration Form in Mail https://tinyurl.com/y8tyvrtj Family Tragically Drowns After Testing Out New Pool https://tinyurl.com/y8bknncf >From ClintEastwood: It's an honor to make movies that shed a light on just how much our service members sacrifice to protect this country. And as a U.S. Army veteran, it couldn't be more important to me to show my personal support for our military heroes. That’s why I’m so thrilled that The Kroger Co. is partnering with the USO T-shirt campaign, so when you join me in making a donation to the USO through July 31, every dollar will be MATCHED up to a total of $250,000 by The Kroger Co.* — and you’ll get a free 2020 T-shirt. Will you donate $29 now to get your USO T-shirt and have your support doubled for our troops? GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY. GET YOUR T-SHIRT https://tinyurl.com/yclvfb6g Westwing News: First Lady Makes Surprise Visit and Delivers Box Lunches to Women and Children’s Shelter https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ TrumpWomen: https://theusawire.com/category/womens-empowerment/ TrumpDailyReport: Man Uses 120 Gallons of Paint to Turn His Backyard Into a GIANT Trump2020 Banner - Indianapolis Mother Shot Dead Because Someone In Her Group Said “All Lives Matter” https://tinyurl.com/y79tw8rx EpochTimes: https://tinyurl.com/yb9h8ufm Latest From Newsmax: https://www.newsmax.com/t/newsmax Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Fiat Vehicles Recalled, Faulty Air Bag Covers http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: What are the chances? You've stolen a car and you're feeling pretty good about yourself. You made a clean get away and you're cruising down the street looking forward to enjoying your ill-gotten gains when *CRASH* you get run into by another car. Another car that just so happens to be chased by police. Chased by the police for being stolen. Police in Newburg, Oregon said officers responded to a report that someone had just stolen a Toyota Land Cruiser. The officers spotted it moments later, and the driver tried to elude police. But the driver, identified by police as Randy Lee Cooper, crashed into an occupied Buick Regal and was taken into custody. Officers then learned the Buick had also been stolen in an unrelated incident reported about three weeks earlier, police said. The Buick driver, 25-year-old Newberg resident Kristin Nicole Begue, was also arrested. She's accused of driving under the influence of intoxicants and unauthorized use of a motor vehicle, police said. Cooper, a 27-year-old Portland resident, is accused of crimes including unauthorized use of a motor vehicle, attempting to elude police, assault and reckless driving, according to police. -<>- Sometimes it's just better to let Dad win, especially after he's had a few drinks. That probably would have been the best strategy for one Kentucky family who were forced out of their home by gunfire after the patriarch lost at arm wrestling match to his son. Curtis Zimmerman, 55, surrendered to authorities shortly before 8:30 a.m. at his residence, after a nearly 8 hour standoff, the sheriff's office said in a press release. "Deputies learned that Zimmerman was intoxicated and challenged his juvenile son to an arm-wrestling contest. When Zimmerman lost multiple times, he became agitated, which led to a physical altercation with his son," the release said. "Zimmerman grabbed a firearm and as his son was going upstairs, Zimmerman fired two shots inside of the house." Deputies dispatched to the residence about 1 a.m. determined that two of Zimmerman's family members had exited safely and were unharmed. Zimmerman, who was the only one who remained inside the home, refused for hours to obey commands to exit the residence as members of the Hostage Negotiation Team and SWAT Team converged on the residence. The release said Zimmerman told authorities that he fired the shots into the ceiling. After Zimmerman surrendered, he was taken to the hospital to be evaluated. He will be charged with wanton endangerment. *--- Baby on board ---* John and Amber Easterday, along with their two children, took a pontoon boat out on Old Tampa Bay on Saturday, the Fourth of July, when Amber went into labor. Amber immediately called her doctor. "He had told me, 'wait a little bit,' and within 40 minutes from that time I talked to him, the baby was out," she said. "We couldn't make it back to the dock to deliver. My husband had called 911." John says he began delivering his son while the boat headed for shore. John was able to get to the beach where Fire Medic Kenny Sweitzer and Fire Medic Tyler Whitfield were waiting. Just four minutes later, the family welcomed baby Aiden - 10 days early! *--- Hot air balloon makes emergency landing ---* A hot air balloon caused a scene in an Illinois town when it made an emergency landing in the middle of a residential neighborhood. Residents of Lake in the Hills, a far northwest suburb of Chicago, said it is not unusual to see hot air balloons in the sky, but they were shocked when one landed in the middle of a neighborhood. "We looked out our window and here comes the hot air balloon, like right between the homes here. And then they were waving at us and we're waving, like, 'We don't know, this is awfully close," a homeowner whose security camera recorded the landing said. Bob Perkins, who is chief of the ground crew that tracks the balloon, said the emergency landing was conducted after a passenger fainted during the flight. Firefighters said the woman regained consciousness before the landing and was examined by paramedics once the balloon touched down. She declined to be transported to a hospital as a precaution. *--- Man attacked by deadly snake while driving ---* Australia. Police in Queensland said a driver pulled over for speeding on the highway gave officers a good excuse -- he was fighting off one of the world's deadliest snakes. The Police Service said the driver, identified only as Jimmy, 27, was pulled over on the Dawson Highway when an officer clocked him going 76 mph in a 62 mph zone. Jimmy told the officer he had been driving on the highway when he suddenly spotted an eastern brown snake, one of the most venomous species in the world, slithering by his legs. "It just started to wrap around me. Its head just started striking at the [driver's seat] chair, between my legs," Jimmy told police. He told the officer he used a knife to kill the snake, which he was able to show the officer. Jimmy feared he had been bitten by the snake, but paramedics determined the serpent had not successfully broken his skin. The driver was treated for shock. *--- Paraglider takes couch, TV into the sky ---* A Turkish paragliding instructor rigged up a couch and a TV so he could become a "couch potato" hundreds of feet in the air. Hasan Kaval, 29, of Izmir, created a miniature living room, complete with a couch, a lamp and a TV set, and rigged it to a parachute harness to take on the paragliding track at Babadag Air Sports and Recreation Center. The video shows Kaval kick his shoes off over the water and put on some slippers to settle into the sofa and watch cartoons while cruising through the air. Kaval even pulls some snacks and drinks out of his bag to enjoy during his TV time. The rig was able to land safely. Kaval said his stunt was aimed at showing how safe the sport of paragliding can be. --- ...I found the Video For You Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-xXV8M27fg Gave me the Heebie-jeebies! ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: _,,,_ .' `'. / ____ \ | .'_ _\/ / ) a a| .----. / ( > | /| '--. ( ) ._ / || ]| `-. ) _/-.__.'`\ || ]| ::| ( .-'`-. \__ ) || ]| ::| `/ `-./ `. || ]| ::| _ | \ \ \ \| ]| .-' / \| \ \ \ \ L.__ .--'( | |\ `. / / \ ,---|_ \---------, | `\'. '. /`\ \/ .--._|=- |_ /| | \ '. '._ './`\/ .-' '. / | | | `'. `;-:-;`)| |-./ | | /_ `'--./_ ` )/'-------------')/) | \ | `""""----"`\//`""`/,===..'`````````/ ( | | | / `---` `===' / ) | / \ / / ( | | '------. |'--------------------'| ) | \ `-| | / | `--...,______| | ( | | | | | ) ,| | | | | ( /|| | | | | )/ `" / \ | | (/ jgs .' /I\ '.| | /) .-'_.'/ \'. | | / ``` `"""` `| .-------------------.|| `"` `"` Are you ready for even more "Weird Stuff I Overheard In The Office"? I'm not... okay, now I'm ready. Let's do this! 1. The wind is so windy. 2. Geese have friends. Muskrats don't. 3. I can't picture a suicidal person going to bingo. 4. Didn't yesterday feel like today? 5. It smells like somebody's baby. 6. Who made the pot of coffee that almost overflew? 7. Do you see what I say? 8. Godzilla is a monkey, no, like a bear. 9. What day does a leap year fall on? 10. I wouldn't eat a pig that ate Doritos. Last week was a long week. I need a vacation. Enjoy your week! -<>- >I'm Not Paying! Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. "I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent." -<>- >Old Man and Ice Cream A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "No," he replied, "arthritis. -<>- .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' >New Super Hero Did you hear about the new comic book super hero? He's half man and half cow. He's just one of those unexpected Moooooo-tations. -<>- >A Wrecked Car As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened. The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another..." The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Ma'am... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener." -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: Why is it so hard to fool a snake? A: Because you can't pull its leg. ,=====,---. /=====/=====\ |=====|\=====; _j---j_|=====| /,-"0"-.\=====| // | \\====| ||9 o 3|D===| \\ `. //====| \`-.6.-'/=====| `j---j'|=====| |=====|/=====; \=====\=====/ `-----`---' hjw Q: Why did the watch stop? A: He was running fast all week. Q: Why did the ox lose his job on the farm? A: Because he couldn't take a yoke. Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples? A: A high school math problem! Q: What's a ducks favorite drug? A: Quack! Q: What kind of horses go out after dusk? A: Nightmares! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: e$$$ .c. *Crab* 4$$$$ ^$$$$$. $$$$ $$$$$. .$$$$ $$$$$ z$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$b $$$$$$"" *$$$$$$. $$$$$ $$$$$r \ $$$* dc .. '$$$$b 4 $$$F $F $% $$$$$ 4 'r 4$$$L .e$$$$$$$$$$bc $$$$r $ $. '$$$$z$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$..$$$$$ z$ $$$c $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$F .d$$* "$$$. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P z$$$" "$$b$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$d$$* "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P" ^ .d$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" "e .e$$$$*"$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$e.. e" *$$$$P" ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P ""**$$$$ *" $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P .$$"*$$$$$$$$$$$$P**$$e z$P J$$$$$$$$$$$e. "$$c . d$" .$$$$$$*""""*$$$$$F "$$. .P ^%e. $$ 4$$$" ^$$ "$$" "*$* "$b $$" ^ $r $ ". $ Gilo94' ^ My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died really...She was attacked by a giant crab. -<>- I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day. -<>- A tour guide was showing a tour group around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar coin across the Potomac River. "That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!" "You have to remember," answered the guide, "a dollar went a lot farther in those days." -<>- There was a teenage boy who worked in the produce section of the local market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. So he walked into the back and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this here gentleman wants to buy the other half..." The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?" The boy replied, "Canada, Sir." "Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just up-tight, homely women and hockey players up there." "Really," replied the manager, "My wife is from Canada!" The boy replied, "No kidding! What team did she play for?" -<>- "When I married Donna, I could get both hands around her waist," said my husband's grandfather. Pointing at his full-figured wife, he boasted, "Now look how much I got. That's what I call an investment!" -<>- A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's how I always remember." So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat... So every year that you age, she only ages half a year?" My co-worker thought about that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years." -<>- Two guys who worked together were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, the first guy said, "Panty stitcher...I sew the elastic onto women's panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher in her table. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay. The second guy was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Diesel fitter is listed as a skilled job, so the clerk gave the second guy $600 a week. When the first guy found out he was furious. He stormed into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled, and diesel fitters are skilled labor." "What skill?!" yelled the panty stitcher. "I sew the elastic, and he pulls on it and says, "Yep, dese'll fit 'er." -<>- A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the test." There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance." _____ (Uh, oh.) O o . ()()()()()()()() ()()()()()()()()(( / )()(( | _ ()()_() ( _|__\ (_ \ ) @/ )| / ( __) ) / / \ _/ ) (_.,)\ ()) )_ ( | \_ \ \ / \ ( ' / ( __/ / ___) \___---'| \ gol One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourselves," he said. "You all get 'A's." -<>- The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn. I don't buy toilet paper there any more. ========================================================= >-->From Mikey's Funnies: __________________________ /| Art Gallery | / | ____ ____ ____ | / | |o | | , | | _ | | / | | O | |. | |(@) | | / | |_,k,| |_,-,| |\|p | | / /| | | h | | ,; | | | | | / / | | |_z__| |____| |____| | / /@;| | z z | / |Y | z|_{)_______________________| / | / /z /H / /| |/ /z Y / / | / {) d / / %| / /| | |&"| / Y | | / / d | |/ / | / | / | / | / | / |/ An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display. "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The gentleman was your doctor." -<>- An auto mechanic received a repair order: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn and heard a 'clunk.' He then made a left turn and again heard a 'clunk.' Back at the shop he soon discovered the problem. He returned the repair order to the service manager with the notation: "Removed bowling ball from trunk." -<>- ___________________________________ |.-.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.-.| ||(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)|| ||(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)|| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|_|| [_>_______________________________<_] ||"|""|""|""|""|""|""|""|""|""|""|"|| || | | | | | | | | | | | || ||(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)|| ||(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)|| ||(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)|| ||(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)|| ||(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)|| jgs |'-'--'--'--'--'--'--'--'--'--'--'-'| `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""` >MURPHY'S TECHNOLOGY LAWS ~ Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. ~ All's well that ends. ~ A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. ~ New systems generate new problems. ~ The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state. ~ The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman. ~ To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most. ~ After all is said and done, a lot more is said than done. ~ Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling. ~ If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist. ~ Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way. ~ Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer. ========================================================= >-->FromTheMouth: ,---,_ , _> `'-. .--'/ .--'` ._ `/ <_ >,-' ._'.. ..__ . ' '-. .-' .'` `'. '. > / >`-. .-'< \ , '._\ / ; '-._> <_.-' ; '._> `> ,/ /___\ /___\ \_ / `.-|(| \o_/ \o_/ |)|` jgs \; \ ;/ \ .-, )-. / /` .'-'. `\ ;_.-`.___.'-.; >10 Famous Mensa Members 1. Geena Davis - 1988 Academy Award winner (for The Accidental Tourist) and an expert archer! 2. Scott Adams - Creator of the internationally syndicated comic strip "Dilbert." 3. Joyce Carol Oates - Author of dozens of books, including one that won the National Book Award, and a professor at Princeton University. 4. Richard Lederer - Word expert and punster who is a frequent guest on National Public Radio. 5. Norman Schwarzkopf - Planned Operation Desert Storm, the campaign that liberated Kuwait during the Persian Gulf War. 6. Patricia Jennings - Keyboardist for the Pittsburgh Symphony. 7. Buckminster Fuller - Engineer, designer, architect, and writer who once said, "I just invent. Then I wait until man comes around to needing what I've invented." 8. Marilyn vos Savant - Reputed to have the world's highest recorded IQ. Answers brainteasers each week in her Parade magazine column "Ask Marilyn." 9. Isaac Asimov - Best known for his science-fiction writing. Wrote more than 400 books, including mystery stories, humor, history, and several volumes on the Bible and William Shakespeare. 10. Alan Rachins - Played a lawyer on the Emmy Award-winning television program L.A. Law and currently plays Dharma's hippy father on Dharma and Greg. --- ...Just in case you didn't know... Mensa is the largest and oldest high IQ society in the world. It is a non-profit organization open to people who score at the 98th percentile or higher on a standardised, supervised IQ or other approved intelligence test. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mensa_International -<>- __________ |DAILY NEWS| |&&& ======| |=== ======| |=== == %%$| |[_] ======| |=== ===!##| ejm97 |__________| >Actual Newspaper Headlines & Ads AMANA WASHER $100: OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED. FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE: ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. FREE PUPPIES: PART GERMAN SHEPHERD PART DOG TICKLE ME ELMO: NEW IN BOX. HARDLY TICKLED. $700 2 TINKLE ME ELMO DOLLS - BEST OFFER '83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK - $2000 VALENTINES DAY SALE: TY-D-BOL BLUE TOSS-INS STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15 FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER: 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG. GERMAN SHEPHERDL 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE. FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BTH HOME. FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50 NORDIC TRACK: $300 - HARDLY USED - CALL CHUBBIE at: BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING: "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS" SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA: FREE CHOPSTICKS FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG... LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE... BETTER BE A REWARD. HUMMELS: LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!" GEORGIA PEACHES: CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb. CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE: 2 CENTS OR BEST OFFER NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN: FROST FREE! BARBIE COUNTRY RIDE -- (note: most dolls cannot pedal the bike). '93 PONTIAC LEMONS - LOW MILES AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100 KITTENS 8 WEEKS OLD - SEEKING GOOD CHRISTIAN HOME. TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR. THE MOST ROMANTIC LOVE SONGS OF THE '50s: INCLUDING "16 TONS" BY TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRING - $175. JOINING NUDIST COLONY, MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER - $300. LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS - NOT THAT GUILTY. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Dog Days Of Summer!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogdays.html Maria The Goose!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html Stuck Animals!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stuck.html Ladies Unleashed!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ladies.html Did You See That?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html Extreme Camping!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html Life's Little Oops 8!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops8.html Texas Outhouse Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html Look Who's Talking 5!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking5.html MacGyver How To Do It 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver3.html Eagle Sculpture Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eagleart.html Duck Calls For Cops!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mothergoose.html Kids With Animals 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidswithanimals2.html Akiane Child Prodigy!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html Dusan's Wild Life Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dusanart.html Beautiful Exotic Birds 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exoticbirds2.html Australian Cockatoo Story!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cockatoos.html Australian Penguins Rescued!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/penguinrescue2.html Summer Index! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/summerindex.html -<>- TV Trivia Here's another site for all you television buffs. Test your knowledge of shows from "The Honeymooners" to "CSI." http://www.funtrivia.com/dir/23.html Main Street - Pop Songs Medley (International 2015) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdTS6-fbNH0 The Newfangled Four - A Spoonful of Sugar (parody) [from Mary Poppins] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4ppxVjyFmU The Newfangled Four - Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BH2CqE5mNQ Then here's the original for those of us that love it... - Mary Poppins (1964) - "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZNRzc3hWvE -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Take a pictorial trip down memory lane in this nostalgic look back at memories of the 1950s. This decade was a little before my time but I still enjoy looking at the old photos. The soundtrack is comprised of music from Buddy Holly which makes this video even more enjoyable. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4kNeZzNSS8 Master illusionist Stevie Pink levitates his glamorous assistant Chelsea in front of the Britain’s Got Talent judges and a stunned audience. https://youtu.be/4tbwX9aAFWs Spanish magician Younke performs his amazing disappearing tricks at the French TV show 'The world's greatest Cabaret' hosted by Patrick Sebastien. https://youtu.be/wuuTUg27zMo Magician Chris Hannibal demonstrates some wonderful sleight of hand skills as he explains what the Second Oldest Trick is. I was so captivated by his skills and sense of humor that I’m not even sure I caught what the First Oldest Trick is. I was entertained by his cups and balls routine with the miniature soccer balls but the ending to his performance was simply brilliant. https://youtu.be/-XoCvn4fnXw --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu! Getting super drunk and failing a sobriety test is a sure way to end up in jail with an expensive lawyer’s bill. How To Fail A Sobriety Test three different ways as demonstrated by the people that failed the DUI Test. So the next time you decide to go out for a drink let someone else drive so you don’t end up like one of these idiots getting a DUI Test. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2enxp-sSqPA --- ...Oh Gee! HaHa! Thanks LousieAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Urban Outfitters and Anthropologie are rolling out a new payment program which allows online shoppers to pay in installments later rather than in full, called Afterpay. Not to be confused with the program they have at Taco Bell, where you always pay for it later." -Seth Meyers "A group of shareholders at Facebook might be plotting to get rid of Mark Zuckerberg. And their plan would be way more likely to work if Mark wasn't spying on them using Facebook." -Jimmy Fallon "Researchers at the Center for Tobacco Control at Scotland University are working on an invention: Talking packs of cigarettes that warn smokers about the side effects of tobacco. I don't know; that actually might make me START smoking." -Jimmy Kimmel "In Jerusalem, renovation work is beginning on Jesus's burial tomb. It's being listed as 'occupied by previous owner for only three days!'" -Conan O'Brien "A man in Minneapolis, Minnesota, is suing the TSA claiming that overly long airport security lines caused him to miss a flight. Seems like a strange move until you realize there's no jury in the world that will side with the TSA." -James Corden "Since the UK officially voted to leave the European Union it caused the British pound to hit a 31-year low. You could tell Brits were struggling. Today Queen Elizabeth was wearing one of those cardboard crowns from Burger King." -Jimmy Fallon "It's a great day for the Georgia man who won $80 million. I found out who he is; I Googled him. He's a 52-year-old man who lives with his mom. I wonder what he's going to do with his money. He'll probably use it to get a younger, hotter mom. A trophy mom." -- Craig Ferguson "The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'." -- Larry Hardiman Buy a dog a toy and the dog will play with it forever. Buy a cat a toy and the cat will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes. Duct tape is like The Force - It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. I told my suitcases that there will be no vacation this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************