Paraprosdokians And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first smoking hot new page is from our friend LouiseAu. Back from the brink of extinction, the American bison or buffalo just got an official promotion on May 9, 2016 to be the U.S. national mammal. Our new page gives us some most interesting information about it. Check it out here... _.-````'-,_ _,.,_ ,-'` `'-.,_ /) (\ '``-. (( ) ) `\ \) (_/ )\ | /) ' ,' / \ `\ ^' ' ( / )) | _/\ , / ,,`\ ( "` \Y, | \ \ | ````| / \_ \ `)_/ \ \ ) ( > ( > \( \( |/ |/ /_(/_( /_( /_( mic+dwb The Mighty Bison! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bison.html --- ...Wowsers! A pretty awesome beast! Thanks LouiseAu! Our next super hot newbie is from our friends PatDeE and Geniann. It is a jaw dropping stunning one that gives you a teasing glimpse into just how awesome God's creation is! Check it and the heartwarming video out here... ######### ###### ___###___________ _,--"""_________________"""--._ /',--'\\"## __ "//'--.'\ , /\ _ -._ /\ //' ##\\ ,-_,-' \_///\,-'`\\-' \/ \,-' \/ \// _ _\\ ,-._/ //' \\ //'--._M_|H|\\___ ___ _// ___ _\\ ___ | | (| | \\ | | | |// | | | | | | | | ___| | /ooo=oo-o\\oo-oo=oo-//=oo-oo=oo-oo| |=oo=oo___ \"'"'"'"'"'"'"'"'"'"'"'"'"'"'"'"'"'"'"| | \ . / . \ /\ . - ' . / `-. '-.. ' ' , ,,-' ` \ '- ' ,/,-'/ \ \_- ' ' --',-' -' \/ | | _ - - _ . / Na Our Amazing World! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/amazingworld.html --- ...Had me flabbergasted! Thanks PatDeE and Geniann! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: | \ _ / -= (_) =- / \ _\/_ | //o\ _\/_ _____ _ __ __ ____ _ | __/o\\ _ =-=-_-__=_-= _=_=-=_,-'|"'""-|-,_ =- _=-=- -_=-=_,-" | jgs =- =- -=.--" Walking along the beach, Dave tripped over a half-buried kerosene lantern. He rubbed its side and sure enough, a Genie materialized. "I can't grant your wishes," explained the freed spirit. "But I'll give you three gifts for releasing me: a potion to cure ill health, a very large diamond, and a dinner date with a famous movie star. By tomorrow afternoon, you will have received all these gifts." When Dave returned home from work the next evening, he excitedly asked his mother if anything had been delivered. "Yes," she replied. "It's been an unusual day. At 2 p.m., a 55- gallon drum of chicken soup arrived. About a half-hour later, a telegram came saying that a long-lost relative had left you a minor-league baseball stadium. Ten minutes ago, MGM called, inviting you to dinner with Lassie tonight." -<>- - Mom, did you have a computer when you were a kid? - No. - Did you have a DVD player? - No. - A Cell phone? - No. - Mom, have you seen dinosaurs? -<>- .. blaa blaa blaaa... .((())). cornet -> ( \(( ))==> <- pencil t |//_^ ^)" p e y \)_\V/.-. t y p /||| ( _\ _e/ |'\/__.-.\ _ ___.'_(.'_)_/ ,___))___ _ ___/||___t p .'-'-_-_-'-,:y e .'-_-_-_-_-_-/ (__________,(/mrf keyboard(_.-._.-._. >Psychiatric Answering Machine Message. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 16 is Love a Tree Day, National Sea Monkey Day and Wear Purple for Peace Day May 17 is Pack Rat Day May 18 is International Museum Day and Visit Your Relatives Day May 19 is Boy's Club Day May 20 is Be a Millionaire Day and National Bike to Work Day and Pick Strawberries Day May 21 is Armed Forces Day, National Memo Day and National Waiters and Waitresses Day May 22 is Buy a Musical Instrument Day and World Goth Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .-----. .'`-. / ,-- | .- `-. ,' ,-' `. _.-' ,-.`.) ; / ,=---`--+' .- -. `. ( \ ,' =,- ,' ( o ) | /\ : : / =,-' / \-' ;(o : \ | ' ; ( `--' \ ; \ | = | \`--+ --. `( `+ =/ : : `. `. \ ' =/ \ `--. '-. `. `. \ =; `._ : ( `-. `. `. \ = ; `._.' `-.-`-._\ `-. \= ' _.-'_) (::::) `+ -. `--7' `--`..' ( : .' ; \ | | / \ | _.-| +---' `--+ `. \ \ /`. '-.-\ `--. / /#### `----.' ( ,-'############\ \\/###############; \###############/ kOs |--------------| _.--------- :::::::::::::::|_.-'' ::::::::::_.-'' .-''..'---'-------'' >Movie Memorabilia We took the family to one of those restaurants where the walls are plastered with movie memorabilia. I went off to see the hostess about reserving a table. When I returned, I found my 10-year-old granddaughter staring at a poster of Superman standing in a phone booth. She looked puzzled. "She doesn't know who Superman is?" I asked my husband. "Worse," he replied. "She doesn't know what a phone booth is." -<>- >Embarrassing Traffic Stop A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding. Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was. "I think you've paid your debt to society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket. -<>- >Road Condition The road by my house was in bad condition. Every day I dodged potholes on the way to work, so I was relieved to see a construction crew working on the road one morning. Later, on my way home, I noticed the men were gone and no improvement in the road. But where the crew had been working stood a new, bright-yellow sign with the words "Rough Road." -<>- >Slow Truck After impatiently following a slow-moving truck for several miles on a hilly two-lane road, we decided to stop in the next town for lunch and let the truck get far ahead. We had a leisurely meal, and then pulled back onto the road. Just ahead of us was another vehicle pulling out from a different restaurant. It was the same truck. -<>- >Exercise Machine Enticed by a television promotion, my wife ordered a popular exercise machine on a 30-day trial offer. Two weeks later she decided not to buy it, and called UPS to arrange for pickup. The next day the UPS driver arrived at our house. "Oh, no, not another one of these," he said. "All I've been doing is delivering these machines, then picking them up. The only person getting exercise from these things is me!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) >Smiles {} {} ! ! II II ! ! ! I__I__II II__I__I ! I_/|--|--|| ||--|--|\_I .-'"'-. ! /|_/| | || || | |\_|\ ! .-'"'-. /=== \ I//| | | || || | | |\\I /=== \ \== / ! /|/ | | | || || | | | \|\ ! \== / \__ _/ I//| | | | || || | | | |\\I \__ _/ _} {_ ! /|/ | | | | || || | | | | \|\ ! _} {_ {_____} I//| | | | | || || | | | | |\\I {_____} ! ! |= |=/|/ | | | | | || || | | | | | \|\=|- | ! ! _I__I__|= ||/| | | | | | || || | | | | | |\|| |__I__I_ -|--|--|- || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||= |--|--|- _|__|__| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|| ||__|__|__|__|__|__|_||- |__|__|_ -|--|--| ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|| ||--|--|--|--|--|--|-|| |--|--|- | | |= || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||= | | | | | |- || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||= | | | | | |= || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||- | | | _|__|__| || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||= |__|__|_ -|--|--|= || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || |--|--|- _|__|__| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|| ||__|__|__|__|__|__|_||- |__|__|_ -|--|--|= ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|| ||--|--|--|--|--|--|-||= |--|--|- jgs | |- || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||- | | | ~~~~~~~~~~~~^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^~~~~~~~~~~~ Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day. They both go before the angel to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in. The angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, where upon she took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day for eternity." The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen took a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shook it up, and gargled. Then, she spat into the toilette and pulled the lever. The angel said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in." Dolly is outraged and screams, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She simply gargled and she got in. Would you explain that to me?" OK, Do you know the Answer??? NO, well OK, scroll down ..... . . . . . . . . "Sorry, Dolly," said the angel, "but even in heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are." ------- After a hectic and exciting Christmas day, my three-year-old niece, Karen, resisted all attempts by her parents to get her to go to bed. Finally my father-in-law, a Presbyterian minister, suggested that he could get his granddaughter to go to sleep. Very soon he reappeared to announce that Karen was now fast asleep. "How did you do it?" we all asked in amazement. "I began reciting one of my sermons to her," he replied with a sheepish grin. -------- Texas has so many inmates on its Death Row, they finally had to start executing them two at a time. On this day, a cowboy and a biker are brought to receive their sentence. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a Final Request. "Yew betcha, Warden," the cowboy replies. "I'd be mighty grateful if you'd play 'Achy Break Heart' fer me one last time." "Yes, we can do that for you," the Warden says, before turning to the biker. "Do you have a Final Request, too?" "You better believe it," the biker answers. "Kill me FIRST!" -------- Michelle Obama bought Barack a parrot for his birthday. She told her maid, "The bird is so smart, Barack has already taught him to pronounce over two hundred words!" "Wow, that's pretty impressive," replied the maid, "but, you do realize that he just says the words -- he doesn't really understand what they mean." "That's OK," Michelle replied, "Neither does the parrot." -------- It was lunch hour and a group of legal secretaries had sat down together in the company cafeteria to enjoy a meal. However, during a rather heated conversation regarding the intellectual prowess of blondes and brunettes, some unfortunate things were said. "I resent that remark!" said the blonde as she rose from the cafeteria table. "I'll give you 5 seconds to take that back." "Oh yeah?" snarled the dark haired woman, who, upon standing, was head and shoulders above the blonde. "Suppose I don't take it back in five seconds?" "Well..." stammered the blonde, "how much time do you need?" -------- Do you remember back when a lot of little churches built the john behind the pulpit. There was often an outside door as well as an inside door to access it. In such a church in Rocky River, Ohio, (just west of Cleveland where I grew up) the pastor was waxing eloquent on Rev. 3:20. With great pathos he exclaimed that the Lord is standing at the door of your heart and crying, "Let Me in. Let Me in!" He walked over to the aforementioned door just off the pulpit. He knocked on it and again reminded us that God was at our heart's door crying "Let Me in. Let Me in!" when back came the plaintive cry, "Just a minute." ------- Three nurses sadly pass away. They rise up into heaven, and there they approach the gate keeper to plead their case for entering paradise. So the keeper points to the first nurse, who says: "I worked in an emergency room. I treated many people, and always did my best to help. And although sometimes we would lose patients, I still think I deserve to enter." The gate keeper glances at her file and admits her to heaven. The second nurse then says, " I used to work in the operating room, assisting surgeons. It was a lot of stress, and we lost many people, but I always did my best." The keeper glances at her file and motions her to enter. "And you?" He asks the third nurse. "I was a case manager for an HMO. I worked with thousands of patients." She answers confidently. The gate keeper takes a long and careful look at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts entering digits quickly, looking back from time to time at the woman's file. After a few minutes like this, the keeper looks up, smiles at her and says: "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven... for five days!" --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniiann :) (.,------...__ _.'" `. .' .' `, `. `. ` . .' .'/''--...__`. \ . .--.`. ' "-. '. | '' .' _.' .()) .--":/ ''( \_\ ' (()( ''._' ( \ ' ' `. `--' ' `.: . `-.___.' ' `. . _ _ .' ) .____.-' .'`. (--.. .' \ /\ / / `. .' \( \ /|/ `. .' \__/ `. / | o | \ | | | jro Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling. She explained, “I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today.” The first student raised her hand to volunteer. “Marcy,” the teacher said. “You may go first.” Marcy replied, “My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny.” The teacher said, “Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?” Kevin stood up and announced, “My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie.” “Very good,” the teacher told Kevin. Jeff was next, and he said, “My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no…” Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again. Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on Little Johnny to go next. Johnny said, “My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell “accountant.” -<>- /\ /\ (_ \ ( \ (_ `\iRBNMMbn. \_ \VAPRBNMMb \o_)lI<= (=\ / ` ) , _\ ) ) / (_(/ /_ __( \ __ _| _| |_ ,edMMNBRB)\ \_ /(PRBNMMbn. dMMNBRPAV/o(_____)o\VAPRBNMMb fMMWBRYIli\ o o o /rlIPRBWMMj MMBRRSZIlti+._.-._.+ilIZSRRBMMM /_o__o_/KZYI0lLRBNWMMMN\_o___o_\ /_____/flZJlDYTPRKBBNWMM \ ___( \ NNBR0PRRBNMMMMMMMlIPZSKRNWMMMV \__._\ \ NMBRR00PRBNNMMMMM_o___o___o__/ )_ __)o) NMMBRR00PRRBNNMMM___o___o___/ /___/ / NMMBBRR00PRRBNNMM_/\_/\_/\_( __/___x)/ NMMBBRR00PRRBNNMM \/ \/ \/ __ ) /(` __NMMBBRR00PRRBNNMM_________|_ / _') /__ ________ ___)(< (====. \_____________________________)_\ __\---' VMBBR00RBNMNV |__|\/ lMBRR00RNMV - VMB00BMNV joris bellenger VMB0BMV svzanten@xs4all.nl b'ger - VMV A knight went off to fight in the Holy Crusades but before leaving he made his wife wear a chastity belt. After tightly securing it to her, he handed the key to his best friend with the instruction: "If I do not return within seven years, unlock my wife and set her free to lead a normal life." The knight then rode off on the first leg of his journey to the Holy Land, but he had only traveled barely an hour when he was suddenly aware of the sound of pounding hooves behind him. He turned to see that it was his best friend. "What is the problem?" asked the knight. His best friend replied: "You gave me the wrong key." -<>- >What was missing in Japan? There was an article in the US World Report regarding the orderly behavior of the Japanese citizens and the absence of looting after the earthquake, tsunami and nuclear nightmare. Social scientists were baffled by the total non-existence of looting and savage behavior in Japan considering the magnitude of this Catastrophe. They conferred with human study Organizations as well as sociology Experts throughout the United States. Finally, after days and days of studies and meetings, they came to a conclusion. Guess what was missing in Japan?? The Entitlement Crowd! --- ...Go figure! HaHa! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend Melody :) Chicago Public Schools to Punish Children for Using Wrong Gender Pronouns http://tinyurl.com/hd74omc --- ...Wow! Unreal! Thanks Melody! Like colleges telling students they should not use mom and dad or mother and father so as not to offend others! Crazy! The comments here are rich! -<>- >Top News From WesternJounalism http://email.liftablemedia.com/t/i-e-hkjtdjk-uklreijy-r/ >Franklin Graham Hears About Obama's Bathroom Order, Asks The 1 PERFECT Question That Says It All - After Hearing Obama’s Decree, Franklin Graham Asks An Important Question "The president obviously must have no fear of God..." http://tinyurl.com/gogzls8 >State Leaders Oppose Obama Administration On Transgender Access "... the most outrageous example yet ..." http://www.westernjournalism.com/state-leaders-battle-transgender-ruling/ >AFA: Urge Governors to Reject Obama Overreach on School Bathrooms http://www.afa.net/ -<>- >From Our Friend Victor :) China killed thousands of Maine jobs. Now it’s eating up the state’s lobsters. A tiny American town is staking its future on Chinese foodies. http://tinyurl.com/zl24fep --- ...Sad! Thanks Victor! -<>- >From BizarreNews: A real-life "superhero" from Staten Island, N.Y., is patrolling the streets of New York City, looking for costumed crusaders to join his real-life "Justice League." Chris Pollack, aka Dark Guardian, founded the New York Ronins superhero academy with a successful GoFundMe campaign in 2013 and he said he is now seeking recruits to join in his quest for justice. "We're going out on the streets to deter crime," Pollack said. "We're looking out for people up to no good, we're getting out wanted flyers, we're just helping anyone we see in need." Pollack, a marital arts instructor, said his ideal candidate would be "somebody who is actually physically capable, has some self defense skills." "Of course they have to be street smart and be able to deal with people. We're not looking to get into fights but we are looking to handle situations," he said. Now he is looking for more heroes to help take to back the streets and help clean up New York City. It's time for the people to stand up and fight back against crime and apathy. If you're interested, Dark Guardian is advertising a recruiting event on Facebook. *-------------------- Chubbs? --------------------* A Florida man lost his left hand to an alligator after he jumped into a lake to get away from the police following a fight with his mother. You'd think somebody from Florida would know better. Lakeland police said that 21-year-old Jesse Kinsinger, was taken to the Lakeland Regional Health Center, after a 10-foot-long alligator ripped off his left hand while trying to flee from police. According to the police investigation, Kinsinger had an argument with his mother. The mother called the police because she feared that her son, who suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, is getting out of control. Police searched around the area using a helicopter and dogs. Jesse was found lying on the ground near a lake behind the house with most of his left arm missing. He had multiple surgeries, and is expected to survive. *------------ Woman Gives Birth at 72 ------------* India - An Indian couple who are both in their 70s have had their first child after undergoing two years of fertility treatments. Daljinder Kaur, who is believed to be about 72, gave birth to a healthy baby boy at Haryana's National Fertility Center, which is famed for offering fertility treatments to women well past menopause. The baby was fathered by Kaur's husband of 46 years, Mohinder Singh Gill, 79. "Every one asked me to adopt a baby but I never wanted to. Now I have my own child," Kaur said. "We will raise him and give him a proper education." However, some doctors are criticizing the clinic, headed by Dr. Anurag Bishnoi, for giving in-vitro fertilization treatments to a woman of Kaur's advanced years. The current record holder for oldest mother is Maria del Carmen Bousada Lara, who gave birth to twins in Barcelona at the age of 66 in 2006. *------ Man Doesn't Notice He shot Himself ------* DELTONA, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said a man accidentally shot himself while cleaning his gun and didn't notice the wound until he changed his shirt two days later. The Volusia County Sheriff's Office said deputies responded to a report of a shooting victim at Florida Hospital Fish Memorial and they spoke with Deltona resident Michael Blevins, 37, who had checked himself in to the hospital with a bullet wound. Blevins told deputies he was cleaning his .22 caliber pistol Thursday in the living room of his home and he was holding the gun close to his chest to prevent his dog from jumping near it. The man said he felt a sharp pain in his back from a previous injury and when he tried to stand up the gun fired. He said he did not believe the bullet had struck him until Saturday, when he removed his long- sleeved black shirt and discovered the bullet's entry and exit wounds on his arm. Blevins said the medication he takes for his back injury may have prevented him from feeling any pain from the gunshot. *------- Everybody Knows Math is a Terror -------* An Ivy League professor aboard an American Airlines flight was questioned after a passenger mistook a math equation for Arabic and possible Islamic code for a terrorist attack. A blond-haired woman in her 30s wearing flip-flops and apparently with a fifth grade education passed a note to a flight attendant. Guido Menzio, an economics professor at the University of Pennsylvania, was working on a differential math equation as the Syracuse-bound plane was preparing to take off from Philadelphia. The 41-minute flight was delayed by two hours as the olive-skinned, curly, dark-haired native Italian was questioned. After realizing he was only doing math, the flight took off minus the complaining passenger. The woman boarded a later flight for Syracuse. Menzio boarded the original flight again. In a Facebook post, Menzio wrote: "The lady just looked at me, looked at my writing of mysterious formulae, and concluded I was up to no good. Because of that an entire flight was delayed." ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _|\ `._.\_ | `. __ || `._\_ ,'\,'| __ ,._/|||,.||________,_._ _,_'_____________,-;|||\_________ '.----; /||------------.-.-\------------/ '.---,---------' \__,' || / (_)|`-'-__; `.___/ / :| '' | |,-.\| |::.\ /___| | .: ||_, | __... |____\ | | _..._ |.: `.__,| ,' .:| | | | | `-. .:''._|___:_....'-'-. .:' / | | ;-:---'`.:' _\`._ /`.-./--..__;-: /_,'------\,' `--...__,-' \---..../_`_\ ' `.: . | \ :: | :| | .: ; .:; | .:: / ::/ ,-. / __...----.._ .::/ ,-. <'-'> /-'.::::' `::::`-./ <'-'> , ,'`, \ ,'_.::.-----....__:| _,' :`. /|\ / ; \ \/ _,-' _,'\ \ . |:\\ ; ,' \ \_...---'''''---,' _,-' `. \ /|\ \:\`-'/ .\ \ ,'/ `.\ //.| \:\ / `.`._ _,-',' \`-'/:/ `-'=* `-.`''----'''_,-' \ /:/ jrei `'''---''' *=`-' Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous. 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public. 6. War does not determine who is right--only who is left. 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 9. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you. 10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.' 11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy. 12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. 14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 16. You're never too old to learn something stupid. 17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now. -<>- At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India. One co-worker's quip, however, stopped me short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?" -<>- Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Pour some hot water around the edges and then gently tap it with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Now we need a new computer." -<>- An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?" The old timer said, "I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my father's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your father is still alive? How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning. That's why he's still alive, he's a golfer." The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your grandfather? How old was he when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 118 years old." The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?" The old timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married last night." The doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?" The old timer shot back, "Who said he wanted to?" -<>- o /_o ."/" .|/o =;---, ," - ; ." ' @,' o_,o ,-' '.|_,--"/ __ ,-' ."|_,--""\ ,-"._'""''--;" _.-" " o ,-",-" "'--; .;,._,-" o_ _____.,-I-'" / ." o---/i,.---'" ;'." /\ o o __.,-" ;" /\\ ;-'____,"' \\ .'."'" \\ o_-'.' \\ o//" \\ o o \\-----------------------------------------------------+ \\ /| \\ / | \\_________________________. / | \ //n /n / | \\ // u / u / / \\ // u / u / / \\ // u====================/ u / /| \\// // / / / / | \/___//___________________/ / / / | n ___ __ ___ __ _ _ n / / / | U |__ |_) | | / _ \ / U / :F_P: / / | U | | \ |__| \_/ | U / / /| | U_________________________U/ / / | | / / | | So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for: There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off! -<>- "Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. and Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Rarely Seen Things http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rarelyseen.html Rarely Seen Things 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rarelyseen2.html Dog Days Of Summer! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogdays.html The Last Shot! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lastshot.html Pets Being Pets! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petsbeingpets.html Upside Down House! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/downhouse.html China's Craze For Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinadogs.html Akiane Prodigy 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy2.html What Your GPS Won't Show You http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gps.html There's Something About Mona http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monalisa.html Peek-A-Boo Panda http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/panda.html Ten Life Tips http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifetips.html Tour Inside Of Google http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/insidegoogle.html -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) She sent us one we have here... SURYIA AND ROSCOE! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orang2.html --- ...Such a sweet one! Thanks Geniann! A Puppy That Tries To Scare People Away Gets Exactly What He Has Coming To Him http://tinyurl.com/gwy6t5a This 100 Drone Synchronized Air Show Is The World's Largest, And Most Impressive - 2 Min 25 Sec. Drones have a lot of people worried about privacy, but they can be used for good as well as nefarious purposes. Take, for instance, a spectacular display of drone technology by Intel Corporation (USA) involving 100 small aircrafts being launched skywards in formation has earned a new Guinness World Record for the Most Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (UAVs) airborne simultaneously. Controlled on the ground by a crew using PCs with Intel software, the mass of drones lit up the night sky in sync to a live performance of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony and executed a stunning light show resembling a fireworks display. "Drone 100" took place at Flugplatz Ahrenlohe, Tornesch, Germany, in November 2015. The record was set in collaboration with Ars Electronica Futurelab to push the limits of the UAV industry and to show how UAVs can be used. https://www.youtube.com/embed/mOBQXuu_5Zw --- ...So Fun - Super! Loved it! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) Make your own soap https://youtu.be/YZawjQaxhb0\ Another recipe https://youtu.be/eIYRQF9u8Cc Laundry Soap & Fabric Softner Recipe https://youtu.be/n53-I47hjv8 Spring Time ----Yiruma http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hedTqhf5sLs --- ...Great Links! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) This illusionist is on a "roll!" Yif is a "rising" star in the world of magic. He uses his "flour" power to pull a dough-licious loaf of bread out of nowhere! You "knead" to see it to believe it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N--a2OuPLok&feature=player_embedded Beautiful and charming Ma Yan Yan combines magic and ballet for a fascinating show at 'Amazing Chinese 2014.' https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kyBVG_npWug World champion Boogie Woogie dancers William & Maéva with pianist Silvan Zingg at the International Boogie Woogie Festival Lugano. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QQzbCmlZM4&feature=player_embedded This inspiring teen won't let Tourette syndrome keep him down! He went on the X Factor and wowed the judges with his beautiful voice! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rUWDvuBOHY&feature=player_embedded --- ...Wow! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A company will make a life-size 3D printed model of your- self that you can send to your mom for $30,000. It's a great way of telling your mom I'd rather spend $30,000 than visit you in person." -Jimmy Fallon "A new study suggests that a chemical released when a person is hungry can lead to poor decision-making. It's what Taco Bell calls 'our entire business model.'" -Seth Meyers "Netflix is testing a new feature that will allow you to hide what you've been watching. You just click the button and it says, I want to stay married." -Conan O'Brien "Hooters is offering its annual free meal for moms. Apparently, moms must be accompanied by at least one kid, who must also be accompanied by at least one psychiatrist." -Jimmy Fallon "A new study released today shows that blotting pizza with a napkin to remove extra grease can remove an average of 40 calories per slice. So if you're looking for an easy way to lose weight, just eat that napkin." -Seth Meyers "A group is suing Quaker Oats saying their oatmeal is not 100 percent natural. And it gets worse: The guy on the box? He's Jewish." -Conan O'Brien "A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I'm not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million." -Seth Meyers "Kate Middleton revealed yesterday that her children have a pet hamster named Marvin. Well, technically, its full name is Marvin, Duke of the Running Wheel." -Jimmy Fallon "Today is National Teacher Appreciation Day. It's a special day when we Americans show our gratitude to teachers in any form but money." -Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************