Pet Fish Story And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ ,-. ,-. ||,\ -=- /,|| F'\\\,o8o,///`J J'J`,\(".")/,'F`L |F||\ \>PVDo You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2010 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->3 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) These are sizzlin'! The first TWO are forwards from our friend Buffalo at http://buffalosjokes.com/ He sent us one rare amazing footage of an Elk giving birth and an absolutely darling one. I enjoyed doing these up to share with you. Give them time to load: _ .-. .-. : \ : : ;`. _ : | | : : : | | . / : | :_J : \ `-' | |`. : : : : `. `.J \ | `-' .' `. ;_..---..J_ .-' `-. .' `.-' `>7 .-. .-. :-. .'\ ;_o`-'o_: | ) ( | .' `. :.' `-.7 ; /\ /\ `./ `.| \/ \/ : 7. / .' ;"-..__..-'. .' | || | `". .-' | || | `-. / \ .' | \/ | / `. : J'T._J () () L_7`-: ; `--" : : `--' / \ .-"", .""-. / \ / \ : : / \ : : : :'""----""`: : `.___.' `,___.' fsc Birth Of An Elk http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elk.html Backpack Cat http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/backpack.html --- ...Really Impressive ones! Thank You Buffalo!! The last one is from our friend Johanna. An amazing story of a man who didn't listen to what others told him he could or should be able to do. Check it out here... _____________________________ /_ __ __ ___ ___ __ _\ _ |__)(__)|[]|(___) (___)/| | (_| ( ) | | | || | | | o [,-.____|__|___________||__|,-.] | __o o _/\ `-' ejm98 |/ `-' | ( \ _]| ) _ c / \ ;(*) /\ |[_ (*).; Attitude Is Everything 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude2.html --- ...Wow! What a gripping one Johanna! Thanks! ================================================================ >-->From TheFunneyBone: It Matters How You Say It ____ .' '. ____ Do you realize that the / __ \ .-' '-. only time in our lives | / \ | / __ \ when we like to get old | \__/ | | / \ | is when we're kids? If \ >< / | \__/ | you're less than 10 years ;.____.; \ {>()<} / old, you're so excited /`| \# / |`\ `;._/\_.;` about aging that you ;# | \/ | #\ /` (/\) `\ think in fractions. How | | == | \ / \ old are you? | #| |\ # \ / / \ \ "I'm four and a half." | ; |#\ #\ / -/ \- \ You're never 36 and \# / \/ \# \__/-._/ \_.-\ a half; you're four `| | \_.'=-;._/ \_.-; and a half going on |.-. .-.| //\_/`\_/ \\_/ five! |\_/ \_/| || ||'-.______.-'`\ | , | ||_...._||._ _.-' That the key. You get | |\ | //.----.\\ ;```--```; into your teens. Now | ||-- | |`-....-'| | /| | they can't hold you | || | \ / | --|| | back. You jump to the | ||.-.| '.____.' ;.-.|| | next number. How old | |; . | |_. || | are you? "I'm gonna jgs |'--;`/ `\ / \ |._.; be 16." You could be ;.__| >--| |--< |.__| 12, but you're gonna (___) \_/ \_/ (__) be 16. And then the greatest day of your life happens: you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony: you BECOME 21... YES!!! But then you turn 30... ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40... stay over there, it's all slipping away... You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50... and your dreams are gone. Then you MAKE IT to 60... you didn't think you'd make it!!!! So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60... then you build up so much speed you HIT 70! After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. You TURN 4:30, my grandmother won't even buy green bananas... it's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90's you start going backwards... I was JUST 92... Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again: "I'm 100 and a half!!!!" ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Wesley: ####### #######o### #####o#######o# ####o#\#|#/######## ########\|/##o#####o# # }}{ o # }{{ ( o }}{_ c_\ OW! }}{\( ejm97 }{{ \/\\ o Think Of A Number: (scroll down) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Multiply it by 3. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Now add 5. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Take away the number you first thought of. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Now add 7. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Subtract 2. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Add back the number you first thought of. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Now, close your eyes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dark, isn't it? --- ...Oh Brother! Thanks Wesley! Good thing I thought of 5 - I'm not that great at math! -<>- 980819 ,="=-. ,`'oo' \o`. ( .88 |^||^)) ) , ) ) `@ (@' (. ( ` , `C ' ) `) `-=' ,/ ._c/ `-=' ,-( `-.,')-. gpyy `( ) `' '` While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess." The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?" --- ...TeeGee! Thanks Wesley! ============================================================== >-->From Laugh&Lift: ___ .-Ooo0O-. /.o0O0o0O0\ |:o0O0ooO0o0| |:ooOo0o0oOo| \.oOoo0o0O/ /`'O0o''\ jgs / (_) \ (`-.,___,.-') `-.,___,.-' >A Job Application (by Greg Bulmash) [Edited] As I was working on re-spinning my resume this past week, I realized that we're never quite truthful on resumes and job applications. We try to make ourselves look as good as possible, usually better than we really are. So today, I thought I'd fill out a job application the way I want to rather than the way I should... APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT NAME: Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year, plus stock options. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It was the pits. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise. SIGN HERE: Bridge freezes before Road -<>- .-"-. * ( + / \ . ) ) ) |# | ( * . ( . \___/ . + .-"-. * /^ + ( / \ ) ( .-"-. ) + . |# | ( * / \ ( ) \___/ ) ( |# | ( ' * /^ ) \___/ ( * ' ( ^\ * ' >BRIGHTEN THE CORNER WHERE YOU ARE (by Helen Steiner Rice) We cannot all be famous or be listed in "WHO'S WHO," But every person great or small has important work to do, For seldom do we realize the importance of small deeds Or to what degree of greatness unnoticed kindness leads For it's not the big celebrity in a world of fame and praise, But it's doing unpretentiously in undistinguished ways The work that God assigned to us, unimportant as it seems, That makes our task outstanding and brings reality to dreams So do not sit and idly wish for wider, new dimensions Where you can put in practice your many "GOOD INTENTIONS" But at the spot God placed you begin at once to do Little things to brighten up the lives surrounding you, For if everybody brightened up the spot in which they're standing By being more considerate and a little less demanding, This dark old world would very soon eclipse the "Evening Star" If everybody BRIGHTENED UP THE CORNER WHERE THEY ARE! -<>- ._ _ | \ / | |__/ |\ .' / `. / / (/) _.-------------------._ () .-' `-. \ .' O `. `.___ .' O `. `. / o \ / | . /| | J L . .-'' ''\/| _ _ j | | < ' |/.\ /.\ | | | __ '--. |../\|...\ /...\ | `. L \ / ' /.....\ /.....\ J \ | \__/ _/ | | | | | ) \ \__/ | O |-'-'-'-| O | / / `. __ \ ___ | . _ . .' / `. \__\/ \ | . / \ . .' / / `-. |_ | . | |.-' .' ( `-.___\_____||^||_|/iwO (______) (rediddle by VK) >Pet Fish Story Jimmy: 'Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.' Mike: 'To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.' Jimmy: 'What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?' Mike: 'Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a parrot fish.' Jimmy: 'Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.' Mike: 'That's what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tune a fish?' Insert GROAN here...:) -<>- /\ ,-,---, //\\/|_|___| Y ,__// \\|/``\ |--'-q _ \_/ {( () ) {(===t|| \__/````\_/ \ pb >You know you live in a small town when... - The "road hog" in front of you on Main SStreet is a farmer's combine. - The local phone book has only one yelloww page. - Third Street is on the edge of town. - You leave your jacket on the back of thee chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it's still there, on the same chair. - You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway. - No social events can be scheduled when tthe school gym floor is being varnished. - You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one. - Everyone knows all the news before it's published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right. -<>- _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _( )_ ( ) ( ) _( )_ ( ) ( ) _( )_ ( ` ' )| |_| | _ _ __ ( ` ' )| |_| | _ _ __ ( ` ' ) > < | _ |( ) ( ) /'_ `\ > < | _ |( ) ( ) /'_ `\ > < (_, ,_)| | | || (_) |( (_) |(_, ,_)| | | || (_) |( (_) |(_, ,_) (_) (_) (_)`\___/'`\__ | (_) (_) (_)`\___/'`\__ | (_) ( )_) | ( )_) | \___/' \___/' unknown >MY FATHER'S ARMS (by list member Debbie Preuss, October 29, 2006) When times are hard, life's dealt a blow I know the place that I must go It may take you by surprise A place not seen by earthly eyes When I'm facing this life's alarms I'm cradled in my Father's arms When the storms around me roll When I've simply lost control Before I'm dashed upon the shore I call on the One that I adore The One that saves me from mortal harms I'm calmed within my Father's arms When the enemy threatens to take my life With discouragement, fear or knife I know I can't stand up alone I'm afraid down to my bone I am filled with doubt and alarm But I'm brave within my Father's arms When life is going all okay When it's not hard to obey A blessing of peace and calmness too A time to just rest and renew I look up and see my Savior's face As I rest in His embrace When this earthly life is o'er When my striving is no more The times when it was bad or good I would not change them if I could For He protected me in all life's harms Now I nestle safe in my Father's arms wannahug? _ _ / _ (o\-~-/o) _ (o\ ( 9 9 ) /o) \ \( (Y) )/ / \ ) ( / / \ _____/ )_( \____ hjw =_==( (===) )=_= `97 | \ ) ( / | \|vVv(__/,v#\__)V/|/|#.. SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ===================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From NewsMax: Bill Clinton Warns of Iran With Nuclear Suitcase Bombs http://tinyurl.com/398jc7z Israeli Ambassador: Obama Causing 'Tectonic Rift' With Israel http://tinyurl.com/2vvzhqf Supreme Court Strikes Down Chicago Gun Ban, Extends Rights http://tinyurl.com/2vkz5vy >From PatriotNews: http://tinyurl.com/36dm3bz >From ACLJ: Today the ACLJ was disappointed in the Supreme Court of the United State's decision involving the constitutional rights of religious organizations. In a 5-4 ruling in Christian Legal Society v. Martinez, the high court upheld a California law school's denial of official recognition of a Christian student group - a group that refused, and rightly so, to allow non-Christians to become voting members or leaders. The ACLJ filed an amicus brief with the Court in this case, representing numerous Christian campus organizations. This is an extremely disappointing decision significantly damaging the constitutional rights of religious organizations. The majority of the Supreme Court missed the mark in understanding that it is fundamental to religious freedom that religious groups are free to define their own mission, select their own leaders, and determine their own membership criteria. By permitting a discriminatory decision by the federal appeals court to stand, the Supreme Court decision represents, as Justice Alito correctly concluded in the dissent, ''a serious setback for freedom of expression in this country.'' And, we, like Justice Alito, hope this decision will be an aberration and not a shift in First Amendment jurisprudence. For more details on the case and this Supreme Court decision - including excerpts from the Justices' dissent - read the ACLJ's Press Release now, http://www.aclj.org/News/Read.aspx?ID=3804&guid=E868BDF4-17DF-4BA5-B8F6-8DE8075BF7BE and be sure to listen to today's broadcast of Jay Sekulow Live! http://tinyurl.com/3aaqs4r -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Woman set office fire to go home early ---------- NEW PORT RICHEY, Fla. - A Florida woman accused of start- ing an office fire to get sent home early with pay pleaded guilty to criminal mischief. The Pasco County Sheriff's Office said Michelle Perrino, 40, drew suspicion during a meeting of Bayonet Point Oxygen employees when she mention- ed the May 12, 2009, fire had started in a filing cabinet before workers had been informed of the fire's origins, the St. Petersburg Times reported Thursday. Investigators said a friend of Perrino told them she had admitted to tripping the main circuit breaker and adjusting phones to block incoming calls in bids to go home early without sacrificing the day's pay. Perrino was sentenced to 9 months imprisonment followed by 5 years of probation. She was also ordered to pay Bayonet Point Oxygen $4,800 in restitution and banned from contacting the company or its employees. -- Man charged with $33,000 tie theft scam --------- EVERETT, Wash. - Washington state authorities said a man who claimed car thieves stole his $33,000 silk necktie collection has been charged with insurance fraud. The Washington Insurance Commissioner's office said Carlton Wopperer, 49, is facing two counts of insurance fraud in Snohomish County Superior Court after he allegedly claimed three times a collection of 212 ties had been stolen from his vehicle, the Seattle Times reported Thursday. Wopperer received $16,900 from his insurance company in 2000 when he reported the theft of 212 ties, and received $33,370 in January 2009 when he claimed a collection of the same size had been taken from his vehicle. However, after submitting a claim six months later claiming the ties he purchased as replacements were stolen, investigators determined he had been buying ties and immediately returning them so he would have receipts to back up his theft claims. Insurance Commissioner Mike Kreidler described the case as classic insurance fraud. -- Fireman's lost ring found 11 years later -------- WAREHAM, Mass. - A Massachusetts man said he was raking his yard when he came across a long-sought item -- a wedding ring lost by a firefighter during a blaze 11 years ago. Bruce Treadwell of Wareham said he initially thought the ring he found recently was a toy, or belonged to a family member, but he soon remembered the years-long search for the wedding ring lost outside his home by Wareham Fire Chief Robert McDuffy, WHDH-TV, Boston, reported. "When I got on the phone with him he was so excited," Treadwell's wife, Judith, said of McDuffy. McDuffy said he and his wife of 25 years were delighted to have the ring back. "Sure enough as soon as I got there, it was my ring," McDuffy said. "I was in disbelief because 10 years, it was in the ground." "We looked for it for years and years and years. I kept looking, every time I'd rake the lawn or mow the lawn, we kept looking for it," Bruce Treadwell said. -- Town law would ban 'annoying' singing ---------- CHARLESTON, S.C. - A South Carolina town is considering a measure that would add singing, whistling and holler- ing to a law banning annoying sounds on public streets. The Sullivan Island Town Council's proposed law, which may be ratified in July, would make it illegal to sing, yell, shout, whistle, hoot or holler on public streets if it is annoying nearby people, particularly between the hours of 11 p.m. to 7 a.m., The Post and Courier, Charleston, S.C., reported. Town Administrator Andy Benke said the wording of the proposed law came from an ordinance in North Charleston, S.C. The town code already bans crying, calling, shouting and using musical instru- ments if they are deemed annoying by people nearby. --- ...Shouldn't they just have a noise ordinance and let all that fall under it? Next they'll have to pass an annoying cat cry or dog barks or kid screams or - you name! Or simply use the tried and true 'disturbing the peace' one. By the time they are done they'll have to pass so many laws that if they threw the book at ya the book'll kill ya if it hit you because all it's pages of frivolous laws! LOL! ============================================================== >-->From TheJokester: _ ( ..:::[=--. /o\ _ ) .:::'' \ (")\ /_\ (,`):::,(. `/:\ I I ) (. )' (' |:|`\ ,={_O_} jgs (,)' ). (' ),) _/^|_ -.__.' | | >Home Improvement I had just pulled into a parking spot at the home improvement store when smoke and flames began pouring from under my hood. Frantic, I bolted into the store and ran up to the first clerk I saw. As luck would have it, he was standing behind the Customer Service counter. "Please help," I gasped. "My car's on fire! I need a fire extinguisher!" Without even looking up, he replied, "Aisle 12." -<>- >Customer's Guide To Supermarket Shopping When in the express lane, make sure that all items are rung up and bagged before you start looking for your check-book. Then, after you make a futile search for your pen, borrow one from the clerk and make sure your checkbook is balanced before giving up the check. Never get into the 10-Items-or-Less line with less than 12 items. IT'S THE LAW!!! When in the 10-Items-or-Less line and you have your 12 to 20 items, always ask the clerk if it's okay. That way, if he says "yes," then the people behind you will get mad at HIM, not you. If he says "no," then YOU can get mad at him. Either way, you win! Save all your pennies and dump them in the bottom of your purse so that when you are in the express lane you won't be embarrassed by spending all that time looking for one and not finding any. When asked if you want paper or plastic, take all the time you need to make the right decision. Don't be rushed. Get it right. If you're not sure just say, "BAG." That way they will have to ask you again, giving you more time to decide. You may want to practice this at home in case you are ever asked this question at a grocery store. Always, and I repeat, ALWAYS tell the checker your reason for choosing paper or plastic. Checkers by nature are very curious and if you should fail to give them your reason for choosing paper over plastic, the clerk is liable to lie awake at night wondering why you didn't choose plastic. Always keep this in mind: If something is heavy and you don't want to lift it out of the basket and put it on the belt. Don't fret whether the checker will automatically know the price. After all, everyone knows how smart those clerks are. Since everyone knows how ignorant those clerks are, you must always remember to tell them to not put the eggs and bread in the bottom of the bag. Feel free to ask your clerk anything you may want to know. All checkers are experts on how to prepare whatever meal you should decide to make that night. They can give you precise directions to anywhere in the state you might want to go. They can tell you the best restaurant around, the kind of wine you will like best or anything else you may need to know about life. After waiting in the checkout line for several minutes and it's finally your turn at the counter, be sure to tell the clerk that more help is needed. He will certainly ensure that there is plenty of help next time. When the clerk greets you and asks how you're doing, don't feel pressured into answering him. After all the clerk has to be polite-- but you don't have to. When the store is not busy and there is only one check-stand with a light on, be sure to ask the nearest clerk which check stand is open. You don't want to take a chance being tricked into the wrong one. If the clerk asks you if you know the price of an item and you don't, tell him it's "2-something" or "3-something." The clerks love that because they don't get to use their SOMETHING keys very often. -<>- (.,------...__ _.'" `. .' .' `, `. `. ` . .' .'/''--...__`. \ . .--.`. ' "-. '. | '' .' _.' .()) .--":/ ''( \_\ ' (()( ''._' ( \ ' ' `. `--' ' `.: . `-.___.' ' `. . _ _ .' ) .____.-' .'`. (--.. .' \ /\ / / `. .' \( \ /|/ `. .' \__/ `. / | o | \ | | | jro >Palm Sunday It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what they were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by" "Wouldn't you know it, " the boy fumed, "The one Sunday I don't go, He shows up!" -<>- >Children's Sermon One Easter Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out a plastic egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in Here?" "I know" a little boy exclaimed....."Pantyhose!" -<>- >Matrimonial Proposal The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves!" -<>- >Just Curious Little Johnny asked his grandma how old she was. Grandma answered, "39 and holding!" Johnny thought for a moment, and then said, "And how old would you be if you let go?" -<>- >The Tithing A little boy in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed around the offering plates. When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly, "Don't pay for me Daddy. I'm under five!" -<>- >The Blessing The Sunday School teacher asked, "Now, Johnny, tell me, do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," he replied, "we don't have to. My mom is a good cook!" -<>- ___ _ _ !/\ \ /| | /\ | ( ) | ( ) ---%^^^, \ / |-| /--\ | ( | ( / \/ > \/\/ | |/ \| . . . > >,^ /| ejm97 | \ >Welcome To Our Home "Oh, I sure am happy to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother's side. "Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us. The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked. "I heard him tell Mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again!", the little boy answered. -<>- >The Water Pistol When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for he nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you! Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied. . . "I remember!" -<>- >Life After Death "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir," the new employee replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!" ================================================================ >-->From The Mouthpiece: Doctor's Reports \\\\ c oo | .U __=__ ,,, |. __|___ oo ; ||_/ / / U= _ 0 \_/__/__E o /. .| | (___ || |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'----'~| I---||| |-----------------------| I ||| | c(__) | ^ '--'' ^ ^ Petrus 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely. 3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began see- ing me in 1993. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 6. Healthy appearing decrepit 99 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 7. The patient refused an autopsy. 8. The patient has no past history of suicides. 9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. 10. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical therapy. 20. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 21. Skin: Somewhat pale but present. 22. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnorm- alities. ==================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, "See the doggy?" Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she under- stood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, "See the baby?" -<>- . . :"-. .-"; |:`.`.__..__.'.';| || :-" "-; || :; :; / .==. .==. \ : _.--._ ; ; .--.' `--' `.--. : : __;` ':__ ; ; ' '-._:;_.-' ' : '. `--' .' ."-._ _.-". .' ""------"" `. /`- -'\ /`- -'\ :`- .' `. -'; ; / \ : : : ; ; ; ; : : ':_:.' '.;_;' :_ _; ; "-._ -" :`-. _.._ :_ () _; "--::__. `. \"- -"/`._ : .-"-. -"-. ""--..____.' / .__ __. \ : / , / "" \ . \ ; bug "-:___..--" "--..___;-" Q: What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck? A: A duck filled fatty puss! -<>- Mary was married to a something of a chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly....not any housework. That, he declared, was 'woman's work.' One evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that her husband Charley had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full- time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her friends in the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away." "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "Oh, that part didn't work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired." -<>- Some time ago, I was taking a ground school class for private pilots. During the sessions on weather, the instructor wanted to discuss the concept of sublimation - the act of going from a gas to a solid skipping the intermediate stage(s). e.g., frost - water vapor in the air becoming a solid on surfaces without first going through the liquid stage. Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept, the instructor asked if anyone could provide an example of some- thing that went straight from a solid to a gas (expecting "dry ice" as the answer), a previously unknown section of my mind took control of my mouth and immediately emitted the word "burrito." It took the instructor about 10 minutes to regain an academic composure. -<>- .---. | | . / ' , | | ." ". `---' ." ". - ". ". ". ."\ ""\ \ \ \ .-. % \ |".". .~" \ \ | |".". .--.____\ \__| |_".".___.|___________ |". ".----\ \------".".---".o . ". `". | ".o". ".\ \ "-" | $\ .|". ". | ".o". \ \=====| |=`-- #.'.". ".===========._ | ". ". ". ". | | . bIt| ".". ".==========' | ". ".___________| |_______/|____".______. ". |"--" ". ". | | ". | _________ _________ | ".|___/..=====. \______________/..=====. \__| ."\ | /". ."\ | /". |-- O --| |-- O --| "./ | \." "./ | \." "=====" "=====" Peter Rijks As an assistant professor, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around eight, however, to play the strategy game Warcraft online with a teammate. One night I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed one opponent after another, and after six games we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed. "How old are you?" I typed. "Twelve," he replied. "How old are you?" Feeling my face redden, I answered, "Ten." -<>- Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed his name as "Cole, Pheven." "I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to him. "What is your first name?" "It's Stephen," he replied. "I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph." -<>- _|_ | _|_ //_/\ __| ||____ ////////////\ /////////////\\ |^^^^^^^^^^||+| | # # # |||| .... ....". ||||||||||||||||| unknown We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?" There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He's the one you can move diagonally." --Joanie -<>- As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harm- lessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked..." -<>- An English professor was reading Canterbury Tales to his class and noticed that one of his students had fallen asleep. The professor was annoyed enough to send the book spinning through the air and bounce it off the sleeper's skull. Startled awake, the student asked what had hit him. "That," said the professor, "was a flying Chaucer." ================================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Endangered Wolf http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolf.html Real Eagle Story http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eagle.html Love Test http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovetest.html Last Day http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/lastday.html Daily With Our Troops 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/daily3.html Military Motivational Posters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/military.html Matchstick Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/matchstick.html July 4th Animations http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_f-j.html -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : wheelchair motorcycles & handicap trikes http://tinyurl.com/2ebe2o9 Old Fashioned & Nostalgic Candy http://tinyurl.com/2ay2a9a ripped : when hamsters attack http://tinyurl.com/29fh6gb Takin' Ya Back http://www.takeyouback.com/ ripped : Rubik's Touchcube http://www.rubikstouchcube.com/ ripped : rubik turns 30 http://www.rubiks.com/ --- ...Thanks Wesley! Never did rubik's cube - just too 'Square' for me I guess! HaHa! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Love Bird http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkjhiouoi.htm Love Hurts http://www.buffaloschips.com/jajka.htm Megan True Love http://www.buffaloschips.com/klkdl.htm Robbery http://www.buffaloschips.com/alkqwoie.htm Roll Over Donner Pass http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdskdjs.htm Russian Bar Trio http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdkldkl.htm Snow Plow http://www.buffaloschips.com/laksaoiw.htm The 1 http://www.buffaloschips.com/salksalka.htm Men Invented Everything http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkdak.htm Mouse http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdkoo.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Police in California arrested a couple for trying to sell their baby for $25 at a Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart called the incident horrifying, but also proof of its unbeatable everyday low prices." - Jimmy Fallon "Tom Cruise's underpants dancing scene in 'Risky Business' was voted the single greatest scene in film history accord- ing to a recent survey of Ricky Martin." - Craig Ferguson "The World Cup lets us learn about countries that we may never have learned about. For instance, did you know Slovakians are made out of taffy?" - Jimmy Kimmel I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let's eat out!" "Most of the men in this town think monogamy is some kind of wood." --Amy Yasbeck as Peggy Brandt in "The Mask". A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you." So I didn't. "My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a strong placebo, but I don't think it's working." -Fred Marcum "The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up." --Unknown When my son was about 4 years old, we were driving down the road. I took a drink of my coffee, and the lid came off and spilled all over me. I mumbled a little bit, and pulled over to wipe up the mess, at which time my son rolled his eyes, shook his fingern at me, and said, "That is exactly why you are NOT supposed to drink and drive!!" --Gary and Denise Jones. I have a 4 year old son and a 3 month old daughter. A couple weeks ago we were in a waiting room waiting for my mother in law and the receptionist was talking to my son. She asked him if he helped change his sisters diapers. He responded, "No, they're yucky, Mommy does that." Not the funniest thing, but then she asked him if he helped feed his sister, to which my son replied in his best 'duh' tone, "No, I don't have boobies!" At which point the receptionist nearly fell out of her chair. --Melissa >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chhristian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Pass this on as it should be of interesst to all who served. The study was carried out in Austrialia on their Vietnam Veterans. ABC Nat. Radio Health Report Autralian Vietnam Vets: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/HealthReportVV.mp3 VV ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DDARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************