Pine Trees Know... :) Shangy!
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================
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
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### \
/ ##__
/ ## # --#
: __/ -# :
,' _\ > :
#### :' #########:
########## | ###:
###################### :
####################### :
######################...,'
:
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;
;
,;
;##########
;###########
,,,,,,,,,;###########
*~* HELP! We NEED 2009 CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
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If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2009
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY!
================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
\\\\////
|.)(.|
| || |
\(__)/
|-..-|
|o\/o|
.----\ /----.
/ / / |~~~~| \ \ \
/ / / /|::::|\ \ \ \
'-'-'-'-|::::|-'-'-'-'
(((^^)))
>>><<<
||||||
(o)(o)
| /\ |
(====)
|_/\_|
(_/\_)
_|_,__|_
jgs (___\____)
>Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press:
This one comes from a forward from our friend Viv. My husband
just bought a chainsaw to help out his dad with a tree that
this last winter ice storm and nasty weather did a number on.
Paul was thinking our son could help out. I was concerned as
I heard of a kickback or something about having to be more
carefull with a chainsaw. So in comes this from Viv. Right
on cue as if from God directly. Here is a man that uses a
chainsaw not only to cut wood, but makes beautiful objects
of art using only it! Amazing! Check it out here...
__.
________/o |)
{_______{_rs|
Chainsaw Wood Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcarving.html
---
...Really neat! Thanks Viv!
=============================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
America To Dip Into Strategic Humor Reserves
Following the recent announcement that all available humor has been
used, and is now being recycled, a very unexpected reaction has
occurred in Congress. Responding to a flood of calls and letters,
members of both houses of Congress have come together to attempt to
resolve the problem. In a rare show of bipartisan cooperation, a
majority of Senators and Representatives signed a letter to the
President asking him to release some of the US strategic reserves
of humor.
============;===========;()
It is a little known fact, but the United # # # #::::::
States keeps a large reserve of humor, in a manner # # # #::::::
similar to that in which oil reserves are stored. # # # #::::::
Located in abandoned salt caves buried deep in # # # #::::::
Louisiana, the humor is stored for times of nation- # # # # # # #
al emergency and general unhappiness. # # # # # # #
# # # # # # #
Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, in a statement # # # # # # #
made during a press conference to announce the # # # # # # #
letter stated: # # # # # # #
"The American people have spoken. The vast majority of the comments
we have all received have been from people who are tired of hearing
the same jokes over and over again. Granted, there are some that are
true classics, and one never grows tired of hearing them, but too
many are marginal the first time one hears them, and they do not get
any better with time. I would urge Mr Obama to act swiftly, and to
release some of the humor that has been stored away for years. It is
in the best interest of the country to do so."
Providing counter point, alan Greenspan, once Chairman of the Federal
Reserve, responded. "Few know this, but one of my duties as Fed
chairman was to be the honorary Commissioner of Comedy. It is my
belief that there is sufficient humor in the economy, and that an
infusion of additional humor could lead to comedy inflation.
Currently, we now enjoy the lowest rate of comedy inflation in 30
years, and the Humor Retention Index HRI) is at the lowest that it
has ever been. Just look at Al Gore. His hRI is so low that after he
hears a joke, he forgets it before it reaches his brain. Releasing
humor reserves at this time is ill-advised."
When asked for comment, Al Gore responded "What's a joke? What's a
brain?"
All of the arguments were made moot when it was reported by the FBI
that the humor reserves had all disappeared. During an unrelated
investigation, the FBI had received information that there might be
an attempt made to obtain American humor by the Chinese, and when a
check was made of the vaults, they were empty. Addressing a Senate
Investigating Committee, Attorney General Janet Reno stated: "Our
investigation initially centered on the Chinese government, but we
quickly exonerated them. Our investigation found that the humor in
the strategic reserves had been secretly removed by President
Obama, and sold to the Indonesians. For a donation of $25,000 and
a pair of jogging shoes, Indonesian nationals were given a night in
the Lincoln bedroom and all of the humor that they could remember.
Evidently, this went on for some time. We finally got a break when
one of our agents made the connection with large numbers of laughing
Indonesians found in the vicinity of the White house, not wearing
shoes, and carrying armloads of towels monogrammed with 'LB'. "
_ A white House spokesman
(_) read a statement from Mr
|_________________________________________ Obama. "I don't see
|* * * * * |##########################| anything illegal or impro-
| * * * * *| | per about telling a few
|* * * * * |##########################| jokes to the gardener or
| * * * * *| | cook. If he wants to
|* * * * * |##########################| give me the shoes off his
| * * * * *| | feet, who am I to turn
|* * * * * |##########################| down a friendly gesture
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | like that. And if that
|#########################################| same cook or gardener
| | wants to donate $25,000
|#########################################| to my campaign, he has
| | every right to do so.
|###################################JGS###| As for the Lincoln
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ bedroom, these people
| have to sleep somewhere,
| and the Lincoln bedroom is not for sale. However, renting it for
| the night is not out of the question."
|
|
|
-<>-
We secured this one from the vault for your humor ration today:
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they
don't speak the same language.
For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they
would turn off the lights and lock the doors.
Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.
Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with
suppressive fire and close combat.
The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease
with an option to buy.
=================================================================
+-------------- More Bizarre April Holidays ---------------+
April 11 is Eight-Track Tape Day
April 12 is Look Up At The Sky Day
April 13 is Blame Somebody Else Day
April 14 is National Pecan Day
April 15 is Rubber Eraser Day
April 16 is National Stress Awareness Day and National
Eggs Benedict Day
April 17 is National Cheeseball Day
April 18 is International Jugglers Day
April 19 is Garlic Day
April 20 is Look Alike Day
======================================================
>-->From Our Friend Becky :)
,~~~~~~~~~~~~~,,~~~~~~~~~~~~~,,~~~~~~~~~~~~~,,~~~~~~~~~~~~~,
: :: :: ._ :: /\ :
: :: ,~ :: o\ \ :: /__\ :
: :: .n_,_.-- :: .-------/| :: | | :
: .--'_-`-, :: :[_____|_| :: '---\ \---~ :: /| |\ :
: '-o---o-' :: /_o0==000 :: o`_` :: /_|__|_\ :
: :: :: :: ;;;; :
:Post-net V::Post-net V::Post-net V::Post-net V:
`~~~~~~~~~~~~' `~~~~~~~~~~~~' `~~~~~~~~~~~~' `~~~~~~~~~~~~'
valkyrie
Payback is fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WRITE IT ON THE BACK OF YOUR ENVELOPES or front
_________
|~~ @|
| ==== |
| ==== |
|_________|ldb
WE THINK THIS IS A GREAT IDEA. WE'LL START WRITING IT ON THE
FRONT OF OUR ENVELOPES, TOO! ----------Including Bills
You may have heard in the news that a couple of Post Offices
in Texas have been forced to take down small posters that say
'IN GOD WE TRUST ,'
The law, they say, is being violated.
Anyway, we heard proposed on a radio station show, that we should all
write 'IN GOD WE TRUST' on the back of all our mail.
After all, that's our National Motto, and -----
all the money we use to buy stamps.
We think it's a wonderful idea.
We must take back our nation from all the people who< /I> think that
anything that offends them should be removed.
If you like this idea, please pass it on and DO IT.
The idea of writing or stamping.........
'IN GOD WE TRUST '
on our envelopes sounds good to us .
SOME PEOPLE ARE HAVING A STAMP MADE TOO........
lets use it as our signature on e-mails, too!
It's been reported that 86% of Americans believe in God.
Therefore, we have a very hard time understanding why
there's such a mess about having '
In God We Trust!'
on our money and having God in the pledge of Allegiance.
Could it be that WE just need to take action and
tell the 14% to 'sit down and shut up'?
If you agree, pass this on, if not, delete!!!
---
...Oh Yeah! Thanks Becky!
========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :)
Hands
\ | /
-- * --
/ | \
/') ./') ('\. ('\
/' /.--''./'') (''\.''--.\ '\
:--'' ; ''./'') (''\.'' ; ''--:
: ' ''./') ('\.'' ' :
: ''./' '\.'' :
:--''-..--'''' ''''--..-''--:
dp
I've never given much thought to my hands and what
they've done all these years.
An old man, probably some ninety plus years, sat
feebly on the park bench. He didn't move, just
sat with his head down staring at his hands.
When I sat down beside him he didn't acknowledge
my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if he
was ok.
Finally, not really wanting to disturb him but wanting
to check on him at the same time, I asked him if he
was ok.
He raised his head and looked at me and smiled.
"Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking," he said
in a clear strong voice.
"I didn't mean to disturb you, sir, but you were just
sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to
make sure you were ok?" I explained to him.
"Have you ever looked at your hands?" he asked.
"I mean really looked at your hands."
I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I
turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I
guess I had never really looked at my hands as I
tried to figure out the point he was making.
Then he smiled and related this story: "Stop and think
for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served
you well throughout your years.
These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled and weak have
been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and
grab and embrace life.
They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed
upon the floor. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my
back. As a child my mother taught me to fold them in prayer.
They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots.
They dried the tears of my children and caressed the love
of my life. They held my rifle and wiped my tears when I
went off to war. They have been dirty, scraped and raw,
swollen and bent.
They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn
son. Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world
that I was married and loved someone special.
They wrote the letters home and trembled and shook when I
buried my parents and spouse and when I walked my daughter
down the aisle. Yet, they were strong and sure when I dug my
buddy out of a foxhole and lifted a plow off of my best
friends foot.
They have held children, consoled neighbors, and shook in
fists of anger when I didn't understand. They have covered
my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of
my body.
They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried
and raw.
And to this day when not much of anything else of me
works real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and
again continue to fold in prayer. These hands are the
mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of my life.
But more importantly it will be these hands that God
will reach out and take when he leads me home. And He
won't care about where these hands have been or what
they have done. What He will care about is to whom these
hands belong and how much He loves these hands. And
with these hands He will lift me to His side and
there I will use these hands to touch the face of
Christ."
No doubt I will never look at my hands the same again.
I never saw the old man again after I left the park that
day but I will never forget him and the words he spoke.
When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face
of my children I think of the man in the park. I have a
feeling he has been stroked and caressed and held by the
hands of God. I, too, want to touch the face of God and
feel his hands upon my face.
Thank you, Father God, for hands.
~Author Unknown~
---
...Sweet! Thank You Jo Ann! Makes me think of the bible
where it was taking about us - the body of Christ...
1 Corinthians 12:18-27
"18": But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body,
as it hath pleased him.
"19": And if they were all one member, where were the body?
"20": But now are they many members, yet but one body.
"21": And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor
again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.
"22": Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more
feeble, are necessary:
"23": And those members of the body, which we think to be less
honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely
parts have more abundant comeliness.
"24": For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body
together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked:
"25": That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members
should have the same care one for another.
"26": And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or
one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.
"27": Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.
===============================================================
>-->From TheJokester:
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
8 .d88
8 oooooooooooooooooooooooooooood8888
8 8888888888888888888888888P" 8888 oooooooooooooooo
8 8888888888888888888888P" 8888 8 8
8 8888888888888888888P" 8888 8 d8
8 8888888888888888P" 8888 8 d88
8 8888888888888P" 8888 8 d888
8 8888888888P" 8888 8 d8888
8 8888888P" 8888 8 d88888
8 8888P" 8888 8 d888888
8 8888oooooooooooooooooooooocgmm8888 8 d8888888
8 .od88888888888888888888888888888888 8 d88888888
8888888888888888888888888888888888888 8 d888888888
8 d8888888888
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 d88888888888
d ...oood8b 8 d888888888888
d ...oood888888888888b 8 d8888888888888
d ...oood88888888888888888888888b 8d88888888888888
dood8888888888888888888888888888888888b
>Computer Proverbs
* Home is where you hang your @.
* The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
* A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
* You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
* C: is the root of all directories.
* Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
* Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
* The modem is the message.
* Too many clicks spoil the browse.
* The geek shall inherit the earth.
* A chat has nine lives.
* Don't byte off more than you can view.
* Fax is stranger than fiction.
* What boots up must come down.
* Windows will never cease.
* Virtual reality is its own reward.
* Modulation in all things.
* A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
* Know what to expect before you connect.
* Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
* Speed thrills.
* Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day,
teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
-<>-
>Signs Your Co-worker is a Hacker
You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.
He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.
When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.
Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"
Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons
When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."
-<>-
Best 'Out of Office' Automatic Email Replies
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will
reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared
for my mood.
You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at
all.
Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and
heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return
from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the
order it was received.
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for
the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your
message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try
sending again.
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this
over and over and over.)
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.
Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC
for my response.
I've run away to join a different circus.
I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Steve.
-<>-
This proves we have become far too dependent on our computers.
Are you male or female?
To find out the answer, look down....
Look down, not scroll down!!!!
==============================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From Our Friend Viv :)
[Politics]
FoxNews: Obama Attacks America
http://www.foxnews.com/video-search/m/22068039/obama_attacks_america.htm
BIG Brother” OBAMA Coming After The INTERNET
http://tinyurl.com/dmtosl
Of the four wars in my lifetime none came about
because the U.S. was too strong. -- Ronald Reagan
Socialism is the philosophy of failure, the creed
of ignorance and the gospel of envy.
-- Winston Churchill
From WebCommentary
http://www.webcommentary.com/index.php
---
...Very interesting reading - Thanks Viv!
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- County board meeting stops for poo ------------
CHICAGO - Officials with the Cook County Board in Illinois
said a discontented audience member at a recent meeting
may have left feces behind in the boardroom. The officials
said board members smelled the feces during Wednesday's
meeting and County Board President Todd Stroger called a
half-hour recess while boardroom staff removed the offend-
ing substance, the Arlington Heights (Ill.) Daily Herald
reported Thursday. Officials said they have not ruled out
the idea that the feces may have been dropped by a child,
but witnesses said they did not see any children in the
area where the waste was discovered. Some occupants of
the room said a group of political activists in matching
shirts were seen leaving the area before the feces were
discovered, but officials said the group may have just
been moving to escape the smell. "Today we eliminated
waste in Cook County," board secretary Matt DeLeon said
after the room was cleaned.
__ ..a hangover is like..
/ /|
/_/ \ <---<< six inch nail
~\~\ \
\ \ \ /
_ \ \ \ \_
\_ \ \ \_/ \
/ \_\_\/ <---<< in the brain
/ _/ _| \_
_/ / \
/ \ \ / cjr
-- Man coughs up nail, doctors stunned -----------
COLORADO SPRINGS - Doctors at a Colorado clinic said a nail
coughed up by a patient may have been lodged up the man's
nose for 30 years. The Old Colorado City family clinic said
Prax Sanchez arrived complaining of a sharp pain in his
face under his right eye, KKTV, Colorado Springs, reported.
Doctors and staff at the clinic said they were shocked
when, after a magnetic resonance imaging test, Sanchez
began coughing and a 1-inch nail fell out of his nose. "To
us, he's a medical miracle. It's amazing. We've never seen
anything like this," medical receptionist Cheryl Paterson
said. Doctors said the nail may have been lodged in
Sanchez's nose for up to 30 years. "Once it's in the nasal
cavity like that, a little membrane forms around it and it
becomes a foreign object," one doctor said. Sanchez told
the television station is didn't know how the nail got
into his nose.
-- Cat rides on roof of news truck -------------
NEW YORK - A New York state TV station said it had to call
emergency responders after a stray cat became stuck inside
the satellite dish base of a news truck. The WCBS-TV, New
York, news crew said they were driving to Nassau County
Police headquarters for a news conference when other motor-
ists pointed out that a cat was wedged under the satellite
dish, WCBS reported Thursday. "When you guys came in to our
press conference we thought it was an April Fool's joke,
so we didn't take it seriously at first. But then all of
a sudden you were insistent that there was a cat stuck in
the truck so we immediately called our emergency service
responders," Detective Sgt. Anthony Repalone said after
the incident. An emergency services unit arrived at the
scene and freed the animal by dismantling a panel on the
satellite dish. The cat was adopted on the spot by CBS
radio reporter Sophia Hall. "I am a cat lover, I have to
bring him home," she said. "I already have two others at
home. I couldn't pass up this opportunity!"
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Viv :)
`==..) ._}} , ,' /.\ ,} " - _
. ._`=:,;'.( / ', )`v;' " - _-
. ) \,;' `-.`.,' ' /_,',/ - - . _ - " . \ /
``< // ) `. ';.-' " -.--*--
`.`V/ _.' , , ;' ^ / \
\ \ .-' .- ,-') / \ .
} V ' ,-' )`( ^ /\ ' ` ^
\ `., / ^ ( ( ) / \ '` ^/ \ \ ^ ,
_^ / `' '^/ \ )` ( ' `/ Y ' ! ` ` /^ ^ -"""--....___.-"
/,' ,' ' / ' ` (=)=) ' \ `/ \ \ ! . -
' . . /_...--. ||| ` \ / , ` \"` _ '
' /' ,'__.--,'_`.|| ` `.' ! ` ! ,
, ,-'--.--,' (_) `: __.-/, `\
','__..--,'_________:. / / ` \ \
/__...--'|-----------|` '-._ ! _.-`
_. .__. | ___ .--. | . 'T^T`
_| L__| | [_] |[]| | .
_________|.,,_..| '|,| . '
. . . ..
>Pine Trees Know When It’s Easter!
Pine trees start their new growth in the weeks before Easter –
if you look at the tops of the Pine trees two weeks before,
you’ll see the yellow shoots.
As the days get close to Easter Sunday, the tallest shoot
will branch off and form a cross.
By the time Easter Sunday comes around, you will see that
most of the Pine trees will have small yellow crosses on all
of the tallest shoots... Check it out here:
http://wandascountryhome.com/pinetrees/index
---
...Pretty Cool! Thanks Viv!
-<>-
This is a really funny video.
Laughter is the best!!!
_---~~(~~-_.
_{ ) )
, ) -~~- ( ,-' )_
( `-,_..`., )-- '_,)
( ` _) ( -~( -_ `, }
(_- _ ~_-~~~~`, ,' ) Brains
`~ -^( __;-,((()))
~~~~ {_ -_(())
`\ }
{ }
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxtUH_bHBxs
-<>-
Geoffrey Gallante is now 8 years old.
He appeared on The Jay Leno Show when
he was 5 and performed with Chris Botti
on Morning TV.
Click on the URL site below and Watch this.
It is hard to believe...
This young man is fantastic...
All I can say is "Look out world"
/
|
/|
_______I_I_I_________/ |
D====/ ____________________ | - -
|| __| | | |___ || \ |
\\__[_=|_[[|_|==_]_// \|
\_________________/ | \
= = =
unknown
http://www.trumpetherald.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=84937
---
...Wowsers! What talent! Thank you Viv!
It reminds me of the little 4 year old
boy I saw on TV - he started in the womb!
.-., ,--. ,--.
`/|~\ \__/T`--' .
x |`' __ ,-~^~-.___ ==I==
| |--| / \__} |
| | |{ /~\ } |
/|\ \__/ \ \_/ /| /|\
/ | \| | /`~-_-~'X.\ //| \
unknown
The world's youngest talented drummer!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RE9WSeiubnw
AND Another one I saw on the TV news...
,_____,_____, 6 __
T\ :. .^\,_/_\_I_
I ^T=====;=====T /| -Dylan Parker-
I I _|_|
The world's youngest pool player - 23 months old!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XQb4sOqUVo&feature=related
==========================================================
>-->From ArcaMax Jokes:
Newly Discovered Element
Investigators at a major research institution recently discovered the
heaviest element known to science and have tentatively named it
Adminstratium.
Administratium has no protons or electrons; thus it has an atomic number
of 0. However, it has 1 neutron, 125 deputy neutrons, 75 assistant
neutrons and 111 deputy assistant neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of
312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the
continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons. It is also
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is chemically inert.
Nevertheless, it can be detected chemically, as it impedes every
reaction with which it comes into contact. According to the discoverers,
a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take more than
four days to complete, when it would normally have occurred in less than
a second.
Although Administratium has a normal half-life of three years, it does
not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a proportion
of the deputy neutrons, assistant neutrons and deputy assistant neutrons
exchange places.
In fact, an Administratium's sample mass will actually INCREASE over
time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably
become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron
promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is
spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain level of
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the
"critical morass." You will recognize it when it occurs.
-<>-
Forgot
The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated:
"I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see,
I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."
"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just
leave me alone."
-<>-
Viewpoints
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve
frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm,"
muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful.
Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an
apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian.
-<>-
A Plausible Explanation?
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the
apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he
said, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"
God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved
and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and
not me?"
"I did that Adam so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I
could love her?"
"Well, Adam no. I did that so that she could love you."
-<>-
////\\ //||\\ //\|\\ ///||\
/`O-O' ` @ @\ //o o// a a
] > ) | ( _)
- - - ~
John Paul George Ringo
unknown
Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.
-<>-
New Teeth
Did you hear about the guy who went to the dentist to get new dentures?
His insurance was denied and he only had a dollar on him... so he wound
up with buck teeth.
-<>-
Which Virgin?
A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming
quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her
grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus?
The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
-<>-
Blind Animals
Two animals meet in the woods, both blind since birth. Neither one knows
what kind of animal it is, so they decide to feel each other to try to
figure it out.
"What do I feel like," the first animal asked. "You have soft fur all
over you, strong back legs, big back feet, a puffy little cotton tail,
two long ears, and a twitchy little nose." The first animal, full of
joy, exclaimed, "I know what I am! I'm a bunny rabbit."
"Now it's my turn," said the second animal. The bunny felt him,
describing, "You're very long, narrow, and low to the ground. You're
cold, and slimy. You have long, sharp fangs and a little forked tongue
that keeps darting out of your mouth."
/^\/^\
_|__| O|
\/ /~ \_/ \
\____|__________/ \
\_______ \
`\ \ \
| | \
/ / \ -Bob Allison-
/ / \\
/ / \ \
/ / \ \
/ / _----_ \ \
/ / _-~ ~-_ | |
( ( _-~ _--_ ~-_ _/ |
\ ~-____-~ _-~ ~-_ ~-_-~ /
~-_ _-~ ~-_ _-~
~--______-~ ~-___-~
"Darn," sobbed the second animal. "I'm a lawyer."
==================================================================
>-->From Laugh&Lift:
"The world takes its notions of God from the people who say that they
belong to God's family. They read us a great deal more than they read
the Bible. They see us; they only hear about Jesus Christ."
- Alexander Maclaren
The Lift
"Slow Down Therapy"
(Author Unknown)
1. Slow down; God is still in heaven. You are not responsible for doing
it all yourself right now.
2. Set your own pace. When someone is pushing you, it's OK to tell them
they're pushing.
3. Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set. They are remarkable
for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed.
4. When you talk with someone, don't think about what you'll say next.
Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them.
5. Take time just to mediate on the Lord's goodness and on His word.
6. Listen to the words you speak, especially in prayer.
7. Divide big jobs into little jobs. If God took six days to create the
universe, can you hope to do any better?
8. Take time to read the Bible. When you do, you'll find you are
refreshed to do all that needs to be done.
9. Pet a furry friend.
10. Once in a while, turn down the lights, the volume, the throttle, the
invitations. Less really can be more.
-<>-
The Laugh
The Cookies
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly
smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the
stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the
bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the
bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs,
gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned
against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's
agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: There, spread
out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his
favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act
of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this
world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself
toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched
lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth,
seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand made its
way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked
with a spatula by his wife.
"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."
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=================================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.===. _ _
/ _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \
\/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ |
( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===.
_)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \
/ `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ )
/\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )(
\ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_)
\|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \
| L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) )
|__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\
| | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\
|_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"`
jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_
(___|___) (___|___) (___|___)
I was in my wills and trusts course when the professor posed
this question to the students: Why do people choose to have
their children, rather than their siblings, inherit their
estate?
After students offered various theories, one fellow raised
his hand. "This may be a bit off the point," he said, "but
when I was little, when my brother and sister finished
playing with me, they would put me into a drawer."
-<>-
One day while out on our fishing boat, we heard a woman
calling for help. Pointing frantically toward a sinking row
boat, she shouted to us, "My husband can't swim!"
Although the water was up to his chest, the man remained a
fisherman through and through: as we reached down to pull
him aboard our boat, he lifted a large, still-struggling
salmon in his hand, and yelled, "Take the fish!"
-<>-
Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They
called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argu-
ment.
"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.
"There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor.
They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for
their order.
"Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy
them for us."
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so
one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other
end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"
"That's right," he called back, "two pints."
-<>-
!
T ....Well-l-l-l-!
O _._
O . (_{}) ...Blow me down..Sweet Pea!
T. . .\__\
\|/c- o that's not me spinach...
U--=U-
(_,_) ...it's SPAM! ...Uk Uk Uk Uk...
^_(/\)_^
/\ o /\ /\
/ /| o |\ \ |/\|
< \| o |/ > |\/|
\ W\ o | W/ ******/ YUK!
\ \_o_| \ ========= /
)))) )))) | /| ~
| | | |______/| c")@/\ __
____\ @ @__________| SPAM /|__________~/ \____.
/ _/ /_ |_______| \ \/ ) \___..
/ /( ) ) | /| =(/ /( / ____)/D;
==-=== == ========= =( /--\______)/D;
-Christopher Fenn-
-<>-
Hard to believe, but many of our customers at the bank
still don't know how to swipe their card through the ATM
card reader. Because of this, my fellow tellers and I
often find ourselves having to explain how it's done. One
teller complained that she kept getting odd looks every
time she explained it. I found out why when I overheard
her tell one man, "Strip down facing me."
-<>-
I'm a driving examiner for the state of Indiana, and while
I was giving a road test to a young man, he went through a
red light without stopping. I told him that he had auto-
matically failed the test. We met up with his mother back
at the office, and I explained what had happened. At first
she was speechless. Then she asked incredulously, "He ran
a red light?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Well," persisted the mom, "how red was the light?"
-<>-
My aunt's young family with two boys ages 3 and 4, had
attended church one spring morning.
As they left the church the pastor said, "Well, look at
you boys, all bright eyed & bushy tailed!"
Joe the older boy loudly announced, "We don't got tails;
we've got Dinkys!"
My aunt was mortified.
-<>-
On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company,
I took a call from a driver who needed a tow. He was
stranded on a busy highway, but he didn't know the make of
the car he was driving. I asked again for a more detailed
description beyond a "blue, four-door sedan."
"It's the one on fire," he replied.
===========================================================
>-->Fun Places To Net Visit:
>From Our Net Stolling Friend Wesley :)
Avira Free AV
http://www.free-av.com/
Anonymous Search Engine
http://www.yauba.com/
Eat Cheap
http://www.ueatcheap.com/
Floating House
http://www.archdaily.com/10842/floating-house-mos/
Storyville Coffee Company
http://www.storyville.com/
Duplicity
http://www.nongnu.org/duplicity/
Firebug Via Wesley
http://getfirebug.com/
---
...Great! Thank You Wesley!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Melva/Country Girl
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Misc/Country_Girl.html
John w/ From The Manger To The Cross
http://heavens-gates.com/mangertothecross/
Rick w/ Dear Friend, Jesus Christ
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/r/FriendJesus.html
Stuck On You
http://home.comcast.net/~singingman7777/SOY.htm
Lean On Me
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/leanonme.html
New Guy In Prison
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhtgtr.htm
New Robot
http://www.buffaloschips.com/uijhgyugu.htm
New Saw
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhytfr.htm
Nice One
http://www.buffaloschips.com/uiy.htm
uh 60 IN mOSUL
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gthr.htm
Muschel
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ujkyfhtf.htm
My family Reunion
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdg.htm
National Anthem Cactus
http://www.buffaloschips.com/iuyuy.htm
Negotiating a Real Piece of Work
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhgtgf.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
===========================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"I wanted to be a Boy Scout, but I had all the wrong traits.
They were looking for kids who were trustworthy, loyal,
helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful,
thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Whereas I tended to
be devious, fickle, obstructive, hostile, impolite, mean,
defiant, glum, extravagant, dirty, and sacrilegious."
--George Carlin
"When I was a kid getting to borrow the car was a big deal.
Before he handed over the keys, my dad always gave me a
lecture. 'Now I'm not giving you this car so you can screw
it up.' Well, I said to myself, then I don't want it."
--Louie Anderson
"You can't believe how much hard work it is to con people
into thinking that you're productive when you're unemployed.
Always thinking up things to tell them you're going to do
tomorrow, having to exaggerate every minute of your nowhere
day...it's worse than having a job. At least when you're
employed, when people ask about your day you can tell them
to shut up and mind their own business." --Drew Carey
"My ten year old daughter asked me what a colon was and I
explained that it was a part of the body that food goes
through before being eliminated. Then she asked me what a
semicolon was and I told her that it was a colon the size
of a truck with eighteen wheels."
"There's a religious group that goes door-to-door selling
cosmetics. They call themselves the Jo-joba's witnesses."
-Jeannie Dietz
"Electricity can be dangerous. I once watched my nephew try
to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't
go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he
was grounded." -Tim Allen
"It was different when we were kids. In second grade, a
teacher came in and gave us all a lecture about not smoking,
and then they sent us over to arts and crafts to make ash-
trays for Mother's Day." -Paul Clay
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Seervice
You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair.
We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with
all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806
************************************************************************
-->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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