Plane Crash, Pope, And Bear - OH MY ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->OoooWEeeee!! (>, oo / 8 "} > @ < |`.8 .-._/| `-.'`')`_.' ) / / |__, | ( / .' , / `._/ '`- \| -- -`' - --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another 2010 Angel! William Lysak from Canada is again a faithful Shangrala supporter. This is his SECOND time this year and his THIRD year in a row of stepping up to the plate to help Keep Shangrala Alive with a sweet donation! We sure do thank God for him and all our wonderful angels! If you'd like to help too and be counted as a 2010 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) .-'''''-. |'-----'| /`-.....-`\ | <_} | | .-\-. | _,._ | /# ` \ | __.-` `"""-. | \ / | ..--' `"-. `)_,._ \ '-'-' / (` )--.-"``` `"-.`'-----'` '-----------' ( ) jgs `-------------` We have 2 new delicious recipes from our friends Brenda and Jo Ann. Check Out Jo Ann's here... Butterfinger Delight DESSERT http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html Check out Brenda's here... Cherry Coke-Pepsi Syrup http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html --- ...Sounds yummy! Thanks Ladies! -<>- >2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first hot tottie is from our friend PatDeE. I admit I had a bit of fun with this one and hopefully you all will enjoy it too! Turn up your sound and give it time to load... ___ (___) /` `\ / /"\ \ \_/o o\_/ ( _ ) `\ /` /\\V//\ / /_ _\ \ \ \___/ / \/===\/ || || || || ||___|| |_____| jgs ||| / Y \ `"`"` What Your GPS Won't Show You http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gps.html --- ...A fun one! Thank You PatDeE! This next hottie is from our friend Viv. A story of awesome animal endurance and a reminder to all of us that life is always worth fighting for! _|\ _/|_, ,((\\``-\\\\_ ,(()) `))\ ,(())) ,_ \ ((())' | \ ))))) >.__ \ (((' / `-. .c| hjw / `-`' Molly The Speckled Pony http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/molly.html --- ...A great story of hope and courage! Thanks Viv! ============================================================== >-->From the FunnyBone: Bats In The Belfry (,_ ,_, _,) Three Pastors in the South were having /|\`-._( )_.-'/|\ lunch in a diner. / | \`'-/ \-'`/ | \ / |_.'-.\ /.-'._| \ One said "You know, since summer jgs /_.-' " `-._\ started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away." (,_ ,_, _,) Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds /|\`-._( )_.-'/|\ living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. / | \`-'/ \'-`/ | \ I've even had the place fumigated /__|.-'`-\ /-`'-.|__\ and they won't go away." jgs ` " ` The third said, "I baptized all mine and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!" ===================================================================== >-->A Tip From Our Friend John-Paul :) ( . ) ) ( (| . ) )\/ ( ( ( * ( (( / ))\)) ( ) ) ( \ )\( | ))( ) (| >) ))/ | )/ \(( ) \ ( ( . -. V )/ )( ( \ / . \ . \)) )) )( ( | | ) . ( / )( ,')) \ / \( `. ) (\> ,'/__ )) __`. / ( \ | / ___ ( \/ ___ \ | ( ( \.) |/ / \__ __/ \ \| )) . \. |> \ | __ | / <| / )/ \____/ :..: \____/ \ < ) \ (|__ . / ;: \ __| ) ( (( )\) ~--_ -- -- _--~ / )) \ ( | || || | ( / \. | ||_ _|| | / > : | ~V+-I_I_I-+V~ | : (. ( \: T\ _ _ /T : ./ \ : T^T T-+-T T^T ;< \..`_ -+- _' ) ) . `--=.._____..=--'. ./ ( (( ) ( ) ( ) ( )> > \/^/) )) ( ( /(. )) ))._/(__))./ (_. ( _../ ( \)) ) \ ( / \. ./ || ..__:| _. \ | \__. ) | (/ /: :)) | \/ |( <.._ )| ) ) )) _./ | ) )) __ < | :( :)) .//( : : | (: < ): --: ^ \ )( )\/: / /_/ ) :._) : \..) (_.. .. : : : .( \..:.. ./__. ./ ^ ^ \^ ^ ^\/^ ^ JaL >A Kitchen Oil Fire: At the Fire Fighting Training school they would demonstrate this with a deep fat fryer set on the fire field. An instructor would don a fire suit and using an 8 oz cup at the end of a 10-foot pole to toss water onto the grease fire. The results got the attention of the students. The water, being heavier than oil, sinks to the bottom where it instantly becomes superheated. The explosive force of the steam blows the burning oil up and out On the open field, it became a thirty foot high fireball that resembled a nuclear blast. Inside the confines of a kitchen, the fire ball hits the ceiling and fills the entire room. Also, do not throw sugar or flour on a grease fire. One cup of either creates the explosive force of two sticks of dynamite. Tell your whole family about this video. Or better yet, send this to them. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZGzbd0IvUE --- ...Wow! Dramatic! Thank You John-Paul! ====================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Del :) | --====|====-- | .-"""""-. .'_________'. /_/_|__|__|_\_\ ;'-._ _.-'; ,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------, ``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""`` jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"` \\_// '._ _.' \\_// `"` ``---`` `"` >Plane Crash news A plane crashed in the middle of rural Iowa. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted a lone farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?". "Yep. Sure did." the farmer mumbled unconcernedly, cutting off the tractor's engine. "Do you realize that is the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning..." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff shouted. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "He kept a- saying he wasn't ... But you know how bad that bum lies." --- ...Oh My! Thanks Del! ================================================================ >-->Brings us to this one From Our friend Johanna :) ,-----. #,-. ,-.# () a e () ( (_) ) #\_ - _/# ,' `"""` `. ,' \X/ `. / X ____\ / v ,` v `, / / ( <==+==> ) `-._/|__________\ ^ / (\\) |______@____\ ^ / \\ | ( ) \ ^ / ) | \^/ ( | |v <(^)>| | v | | | | ZOT |_.--.__ .--._| `===' `===' >The Pope The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice! Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand? Show me! So the Pope backhanded her! AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY. Kind of brings a tear to your eyes, doesn't it? --- ...*grins* - You Bad! TeeHee! Thanks Johanna! =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) ( )___( ) /__oo \ ( \/ ) | `=/ | / \ / / \ \ / ( \ \ ( ,_/_ \ \ \_ '= \ ) ""' / / ; / /'? : (((( / ctr `._ \ _ ( __| | /_ ("__,.."'_._.) >Bear Joke A married couple was vacationing in Yosemite. The wife expressed her concern about camping because of bears and said she would feel more comfortable in a motel. The husband said that he'd like to camp. To calm her concerns, he suggested they talk to the park ranger to see what the likelihood of a bear encounter would be. The ranger told them, "Well, we haven't seen any grizzlies in this area so far this year, or black bears, for that matter." The wife shrieked, "There are TWO types of bears out here? How can you tell the difference? Which one is more dangerous?" The ranger replied, "Well, that's easy -- see, if the bear chases you up a tree and it comes up after you, it's a BLACK bear. If it SHAKES the tree until you fall out, it's a grizzly." --- ...HaHA! Thanks Wesley! -<>- _|_ | / \ //_\\ //(_)\\ |/^\| ,%%%% // \\ ,@@@@@@@, ,%%%%/%%% // \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@, @@@%%%\%%//%%%// === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@ @@@@%%%%\%%%%%// =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%#####, @@@@%%%\%%/%%// === \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%######, @@@@@%%%%/%%//| |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%#/#### '@@@@@%%\\/%~ | | ~ @|| %\\//%%%#####; @@\\//@|| | __ __ | || %%||%%'###### '@|| || | | | | | || ||##\//#### || || | | -|- | | || ||'#||###' || || |_|__|__|_| || || || || ||_/` ======= `\__||_._|| || jgs__||_/` ======= `\_||___ >"Why Jesus?" JESUS was born, that I might be born twice. HE became poor, that I might possess true wealth. HE was stripped, that I always should have provision in Him. HE was forsaken, that I might be accepted by Him. HE was bound, that I might have perfect liberty. HE was sad, that I might have full joy. HE descended, that I should be lifted up. HE was hungry, that I should never have to hunger spiritually again. HE was made sin, that I might share in HIS righteousness. HE died, that I should never taste Eternal death. All of this -- that HE might display in me the riches of HIS grace. All the promises of God are mine through my faith in Jesus Christ! (Author Unknown) --- ...Thank You Wesley ... JESUS was born, that I might be born twice. You see? That is the REAL difference between Christianity and Islam, Jainism, Hinduism, Buddhism and all the other religions in the world. We have God in Christ in Us. We are born again with God's spirit. You can fake being Muslim or Hindu or Buddhist but when push comes to shove, you either have God's spirit inside of you or you don't. You have life eternal or you don't. There is no faking it. It truly is what's inside that counts. That is what sets a Christian apart from all the rest. That is what makes us part of God's family. That is what makes us children of God. I was thinking about our mark on this world. When my Grandma died, I realized that the world went on without her. Then when Paul's youngest brother died on that hot summer day, this was brought home even more to me. I was shocked to find that the birds kept on singing and the sun kept on shining and the world kept on turning all as if he had never been here. I thought about that today and thought that is probably what the devil had in mind. Once Jesus was dead, then the world would go on and everything would be just as it was before him. But with Jesus that wasn't what happened. Once Jesus died, he wasn't gone from this world. Instead, the door was opened to countless more spirits of Christ in countless more human bodies. Col.1: [26] Even the mystery which hath been hid from ages and from generations, but now is made manifest to his saints: [27] To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory: 1 Cor.2: [8] Which none of the princes of this world knew: for had they known it, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. Must of really ticked the old devil off. =============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From WorldNetNews: Ann Coulter on WND: 'They're a bunch of fake Christians' Conservative pundit Ann Coulter intensified her attacks on WND Friday night on Fox News Channel's "Red Eye" show, accusing those at the largest independent news site who dropped her from the "Taking America Back National Conference" in Miami of being "fake Christians." Read the latest now on WND.com. http://p2tre.emv3.com/HS?a=DNX7CqliF5M58SA9MKJMpeHnGHxKLKcg1AzG --- ...Too bad, too sad. Sorry Ann. Conservative Christians do not back the gay agenda which is in part to promote gay marriage and educating our youth that the gay lifestyle is OK. The gay lifestyle is against the traditional family. Therefore, it is against God. Sorry again Ann. There are no fake Christians - either you have God in Christ in You or you don't. Rom.8: [16] The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: You can't fake that. Those Christians who have renewed their mind to the Word of God do not support the gay agenda because God does not. Period. We'd rather bash our heads in then go against God. It is unthinkable. This is why - Check out these teachings... Gay Agenda http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/gayagenda.html Crossed The Line http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/crossedtheline.html Without Natural Affection http://www.absolutebiblestudy.com/Advanced/WITHOUT_NATURAL_AFFECTION.htm Ann needs to renew her mind to the Word Of God. -<>- North Korea attacking U.S. with fake $100 bills! http://tinyurl.com/2ag2d5m Is Ground Zero mosque really modeled after THIS? The New York imam behind the Ground Zero mosque has struck a partnership with the founder of the so-called 9/11 mosque in the Washington suburbs that gave aid and comfort to some of the 9/11 hijackers, WND has learned. Read the latest now on WND.com. http://p2tre.emv3.com/HS?a=DNX7CqliF5M58SA9MKJMWWjnGHxKLKb-pQzf -<>- >From CCA: Kids Told They Can't Sing the National Anthem at Lincoln Memorial Here's another entry from the "Are you kidding?" department. In late June a group of conservative high school students who were visiting the Lincoln Memorial were ordered by a security guard to STOP singing the national anthem. Yes, really. Again, this was at the Lincoln Memorial...on the National Mall...in our nation's capital... (READ MORE) http://www.cc.org/blog/kids_told_they_can039t_sing_national_anthem_lincoln_memorial -<>- >From PatriotNews: VIDEO: Soldiers Surprise Families as they Return from War http://tinyurl.com/2efap4w VIDEO: 9/11 Families - We Remember http://tinyurl.com/2fs2o5q PAPER: Obama had facts wrong in Ohio - Stimulus dollars didn't aid project http://tinyurl.com/2wydfdq -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) WashingtonPost: Use this interactive table to track campaign spending by interest groups and political parties in the 2010 midterm elections. These totals will be updated every Tuesday through Election Day. For the week ending August 22, groups spent a total of $2,276,665, with $1,294,309 on behalf of Republicans and $982,356 on behalf of Democrats. http://tinyurl.com/2vooqz9 --- ...Very Informative! Thanks Wesley! -<>- ==^== |[[[| |[[[| '---' ptr >From BizarreNews: Now here is what seems to be a good idea that really has disaster written all over it. I think pretty much everyone would agree that recycling is a good idea. There is no reason an aluminum can should end up in a landfill instead of being recycled. It costs about 60 percent less money and energy to recycle an aluminum can than it takes to dig out and refine the same quantity of raw material. Almost every material you can think of requires less money and energy to recycle than to produce new; glass, plastic, most metals...even paper. So why don't more people recycle? Because they're lazy. So the obvious solution is to require them to do it. Now here comes the sticky part. If you are going to criminalize failure to recycle how do you execute the law? Introducing smart recycling bins. They are part of a new recycling initiative being introduced in Cleveland next year. The way it works is new trash and recycling carts will be embedded with radio frequency identification chips and bar codes. The chips will allow city workers to monitor how often residents roll carts to the curb for collection. If a chip shows a recyclable cart hasn't been brought to the curb in weeks, a trash supervisor will sort through the trash for recyclables. Trash carts containing more than 10 percent recyclable material, including glass, metal cans, plastic bottles, paper and cardboard, could lead to a $100 fine. So basically, garbage cops. Of course, citizens could just side-step the issue by wheeling an empty recycling bin to the end of the drive once a week, but the question is, is it right for your local government to bug your garbage cans? -- Police encounter mellow bears at pot farm -------- VANCOUVER, British Columbia - Canadian police investigat- ing a British Columbia marijuana farm said they were greeted by 10 to 15 docile black bears. Police Sgt. Fred Mansveld said officers investigating the marijuana growing operation, which included more than 1,000 plants, encounter- ed 10 to 15 docile black bears on the property and found a domesticated raccoon and a pot-bellied pig in the two houses on the Christina Lake property, the Vancouver Sun reported Thursday. Constable Dave Smith said someone had apparently been giving dog food to the bears to get them to remain on the property. "Common behavior of a bear is usually to avoid humans," Smith said. "The ones that are used to people are quite wary of you, they don't just sit there and watch you, and these bears were just sitting around, laying around just watching, wandering around." Police said the man and woman living on the property will face charges of production and possession of marijuana. -- Woman's leg sinks into grave ------------- SKANE, Sweden - Emergency responders were called to a Swedish graveyard when a woman's leg sank into soil that had been softened by recent heavy rains. Witnesses said the woman was leaving flowers at a family grave about 5:30 p.m. Wednesday at Bragarps church in Skane when her leg sank into the muddy terrain and became stuck, The Local reported Thursday. Emergency responders were called to free the woman and she required no medical attention, witnesses said. "I have been working here for 11 years and I have never seen anything like this," the Rev. Jonas Kristiansson said. Kristiansson said recent rains caused subsidence in several areas of the graveyard. He said workers plan to repair the grave Thursday. -<>- >From Archive CoffeeBreak: Hospital billed man after wife's death A Seattle man says a hospital repeatedly sent him bills claiming his wife had undergone a pricey procedure four months after her death. Thomas Smailus, whose wife Melanie died of leukemia in February 2007, said he called to complain after receiving a $2,700 bill from the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance for a procedure dated June 2007, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported Monday. Smailus said a billing department representative told him the matter would be investigated, but he received a second bill for the same procedure and amount a few months later. He said he made a second call, but the bills continued to arrive. The Post-Intelligencer said it contacted the alliance Friday to inquire about the case and Smailus was contacted later in the day and told the charges had been removed from his account. A hospital spokesman said the bill was for the search for a bone marrow donor to perform a transplant for Smailus' wife and the workers performing the search were not made aware of Melanie Smailus' death until months afterward. "I'd hope institutions would have mechanisms in place to allow internal employees to fix these problems before they impact the customer," Smailus said. Police: Mom shot daughter on $1 bet Police in Sheboygan, Wis., say an 8-year-old girl was shot in the leg by her BB gun-wielding mother as part of a $1 bet the parent made with her boyfriend. Angelique Vandeberg, 28, was charged with a felony count of intentional child abuse after her daughter told her school councilor Vandeberg shot her in the leg with a BB gun after her boyfriend bet her $1 she wouldn't do it, the Sheboygan Press reported Monday. The girl said both adults had been drinking heavily before the incident. The school councilor said a circular bruise that appeared to be consistent with a BB gun-inflicted injury remained visible on the child's leg days after the alleged incident. "In my time as a prosecutor I've seen alcohol influence people to do some strange things," Sheboygan County District Attorney Joe DeCecco said of the case. "When people are not in the state of mind to think right, you get strange things happening." Vandeberg could face up to three years in prison if convicted. _ D/_ /(_`._,-. _____(o) `--'(o)_____ind_ Pastor blesses motorcycles A Harley Davidson-riding minister in Wisconsin has led a convoy of motorcyclists in a blessing over their preferred mode of transport. Pastor Mark Jaramillo of St. Paul's Lutheran Church in Kenosha led the 19th annual bike blessing event of the Lake Shore Chapter of the Harley Owners Group, the Kenosha News reported Monday. Jaramillo led the bikers in a ride from Lake Shore Harley-Davidson in Libertyville, Ill., to the parking lot of his church, where he and other religious figures blessed the bikes in groups of two or three. The pastor said he found motorcycle riding to be its own religious experience. "You get to ride with people who have the same passion you do," Jaramillo said. "Some people see me (riding) and say, 'You're a pastor. What are you doing?' I say I'm doing it because I'm a pastor and I love life." "A ride is about finding God in manners you never thought about," Jaramillo told his fellow bikers. "And I hope you do find God on the road this year." ====================================================================== >-->From Our Friend DonnaL :) __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' >Cajun Bank Robery An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Gueydan and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot one brave Cajun customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shoots the guy without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor. Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber. There are a few moments of silence... then Boudreaux looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says: 'I tink my wife Marie peeked'... -<>- Bluenecks are Northerners. By now I'm sure that you have heard all the Redneck and Cajun jokes. Now here are some takes on how Southern folks look at our Northern cousins: >YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUE NECK YANKEE IF: ~You think Heinz Ketchup makes your food real spicy! ~~You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle. ~You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly. ~For breakfast, you would prefer potato au gratin to grits and for the most part, your food is bland, make that very bland. ~Tragically, you have rarely or never, ever eaten okra, neither fried nor boiled. ~You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork. ~You’ve never had bangs. ~You would rather vacation at that Martha’s Vineyard place, rather than Six Flags! ~You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing or hunting show. ~Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women. ~You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the the head football coach salary. ~You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.(Not to even mention duct tape!) ~The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on ramp to the highway. ~You don't have one hat in your closet that advertises a feed store. ~The only time you really deal with a good dose of humidity is when you pay to go to a Spa’s Steam Room. ~You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e. Tee Boy, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Joe Bob, Mary Alice). ~You don't have doilies, and you sure know Know anyone that makes them. ~You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you. ~Tsk.Tsk. None of your fur coats or hats, are homemade. -<>- Q. Why is a room full of married couples empty? A. Because there is not a single person in it. -<>- ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc >Philosophy in simple terms... Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. Q. Where will the government get this money? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? A. Only a smidgen. Q. What is the purpose of this payment? A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China? A. Aw shut up. -<>- I asked my nephew whether he bought his wife anything for Christmas. "Yes", he said, "I bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very nice of you", I replied knowing he has been known to not give anything on special days. "I hope she appreciated the thought." He said, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now." -<>- _,-='`> _,.-='` _,.='` _,-='` > _ > _.,_ _,-'`\ > _.-'`- `'-._,.-'` /_ > > _.-'`` <>- -< / .-'_> > - /~o , \ | ,' _ > - > > (.-, ` _ \_ \ \ _ > _ > - (_,--=--'` ,`/ \ | _ > > > .-' _,' / / / _ > - > - / ' / / - > > > .-=-. / ___./ .' > > > / Y ```` / > > > .' _/\ \ ,' > > > ,-===--. /` / \ `- ,-` > > ,>_ ,' `\ ( > : \ ..-' > > _,>` `--' \ \ / ) L\ \ `\ >_,.--' ,-'"'\ | `-./ (_\ \_____ `-' <' _/ / ( :\\.``` \ ,-' / `\_;_> `-.-~`'-_ ---._ Y __,.-' `'-...__ __,.-=- \ \ (_,-': _.`\_ ._>._ `-._=' < `-._ \ `'-._ `; L _<`-. \ `'-. \ \~ / `-._ .' `\ \ book of dreams \/ `' L \_ cjr \ ;`'-. 14jul00 \___\,.' >WHO IS YOUR ROLE MODEL??? Try it without looking at the answers..... . Please don't look down until you do it, you'll love it I promise GET A CALCULATOR (YOUR COMPUTER HAS ONE ON IT) 1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9 2) Multiply by 3 then 3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the calculator..,) 4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number.... 5) Add the digits together Now Scroll down ............. . Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below: 1. Einstein 2. Nelson Mandela 3. Abraham Lincoln 4. Helen Keller 5. Bill Gates 6. Gandhi 7. George Clooney 8. Thomas Edison 9. DONNA 10. Abraham Lincoln I know....I just have that effect on people....one day you too can be like me... :-) Believe it! P.S.: Stop picking different numbers. I am your idol, just deal with it!!!! {Note: (You will always get the number 9, examine what it says there in number nine and add The name you want prior to starting ---you will always get that name and number) LOL} --- ...Ratsinfratsin! HaHA Thanks DonnaL! =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: . >< . o . o ' . >< * >< . . . o __ ,,",". . L" ,|| >< .-'_-||' . . . . / J . . . /o| L L ,-',/ ,J | ``\ .* C -' `-.-JL`.\ LJLJ ` . _|JL| . `--'`-' o * - . -bf A young daughter asked her mother, "Do all fairy tales begin with, 'Once upon a time?'" Her mother answers, "No, dear. Once in a while they begin with 'I'll be working late at the office tonight.'" "Does Daddy tell you fairy tales like that?" "He used to." "What made him stop?" "One day he told me he'd be working late, and I said, 'Can I depend on that?'" -<>- My friend's father is a locksmith in a resort town. Once he saw a group of beach goers park near his shop and dump trash from their car on his property. As soon as they were out of sight, and walking towrds the beach, the locksmith picked the lock on their car door, put the garbage back inside and relocked the car. -<>- A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him. Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?" The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers. The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings." The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you." -<>- ___ / /| /__/- / |\ | | \ \ \ \ / | > **@ \ / \\*''* \ / )| | | | / \ | | | || - --' unknown After years of battling the bulge, my sister finally lost weight. In fact, she shed so many pounds that her suits began to sag, leading one co-worker to suggest she alter her clothes to fit her new figure. "Not yet," my sister said. "Let me enjoy the sag a little while first." -<>- Looking down the stairs at a football game, a fan spots an open seat on the 50-yard line. He asks the man sitting next to it if the seat is taken. "No," he replies. "I used to take my wife to all the games, but ever since she passed away, I come alone." "Why don't you invite a friend?" "I can't. They're all at the funeral." -<>- IT WAS NEW YEAR'S DAY and the Rose Parade was just starting. To get the best view, we had splurged on reserved seats in the grandstand. Yet every time a float passed, the large man in front of us stood to take pictures. We could see nothing. Drastic action was called for. I took a picture of the scene in front of us with my Polaroid. When the photo developed, I gave it to the man, who looked wordlessly at a shot of his rear end. He remained seated for the rest of the parade. [Thanks to Reader's Digest.] -<>- When the Jones family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked the little five-year-old how he liked the new place. "It's terrific," he said. "I have my own room, Mike has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. But poor mom is still sleeping with dad." -<>- __ /,- ||) \\_, ) `--' ejm First let me say I really enjoy your stories and jokes - and I love to laugh. Thanks!! Recently my husband and I were in that "waiting to board" time at the Las Vegas airport when one of the gate agents made an announcement. "Attention in the gate area - a hearing aide has been turned in - it was found on the men's room floor. If you've lost your hearing aide... and can hear this announcement, please come on up and claim it here at the desk." Everybody cracked up. [Thanks to whoever sent this one in. No name again. You guys are a secretive bunch!] -<>- Billy Joe came visitin' up north, and decided he wanted to do something he could never do in the south... SNOW SKIING. Unfortunately, before he ever made it UP the hill so he could try and come DOWN the hill, he was knocked unconscious by the chairlift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but they said they were refusing to cover the injury. "WHAT?!" yelled Billy Joe into the phone. "And why wouldn't you cover an injury like this?" "You got hit in the head by a chairlift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot... and we consider that to be pre-existing condition." ==================================================================== >-->From The Jokester: _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb >Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve 10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote. 8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him. 7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself. 6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb. 5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing. 4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he left his tools. 3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden. 2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!" And finally, the number ONE reason that God created Eve... 1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head, and said, "I can do better than THAT!" -<>- _ .----------/ |<=== floppy disk / | | / /| | _________ / / | | | .-----. | /___________/ /| | |=| |-| [____________]/ | | |~|_____|~| | ___ | | | '-| |-' | / _) | | | |.....| function ======>|.' | | | | |<=== application key | | | | input |.....| software | | | | `--._| main =>| | | | | storage | | | ;______|_________________ | | |.' ____\|/_______________ `. | | /| (______________________) )<== user |____________|/ \___________________________/ interface '--||----: `'''''.__ | || jgs `""";"""-.'-._ <== normal flow | central || | `-. `'._of operation /<== processing || || | `\ '-. / unit surge ().-. | | : /` control ==>(_((X)) | .-. : <======= output device '-' \ | \ ; |________ || `\ \|/ '-..-' / /_\ /| || /`-.____ | / / || / _ /_____________|_ / /_ || peripherals ==>/_\___________________/_\__/ /~ )__ || (hardware) |____________________________|/ ~ ) || (__~ ~ ~(~~` || overflow (input/output error) ===> (_~_ ~ ~_ `) .-''-. `--~-' '` /______\ _________ [____] <=== de-bugging tool _|`---------`| (C| | back-up ===> \ / |\\\ ///| `=========` | \\V// | | |~| | | |=| | <=== supplemental data | | | | | | | | (()____ \ |=| / mouse ===> (' `\_______, \|_|/ `,,---,,' >Puns Away! Toilet training a young child is always a matter of pot luck. Ever wonder why some people won't drive during daylight hours in a certain part of California? It's 'cause their doctors told them to stay out of the sun to avoid car Sonoma. The bar mirror allowed him to watch his drinking. The priest did not appreciate the smell coming from the commune. He was incensed. The dentist mistakenly poured sulphuric acid in his patient's mouth. It was a case of acid dental death. Most people thought the location of the church under the billboard was an accident, but it was really by design. She dumped the guitarist because he wanted to string her along. Dieting is a way of living a little longer by starving yourself to death. As he approached the bridge in rush hour, his radio played The Car Strangled Spanner. When the trucker passed the mountain driving test, he made the grade. One young lady told a friend, 'Whenever I'm down in the dumps I buy myself a dress.' The other one said, 'I've always wondered where you got them.' While delivering 1000 gallons of dark pigment he almost painted, then blacked out. When she ran out of window cleaner, Mom faced no solution. Earthquake predictors are faultfinders. After he hung the mirror he reflected on it. I don't think my sister's marriage will last. Her new husband has a foot fetish, and on their honeymoon, he got off on the wrong foot. There's nothing grate about sliced cheese. Track dealers stick their business in other people's noses I've heard that the government is planning on taxing the mathematically illiterate. Wait!! Isn't that called the lottery? I used to frequent a buffet restaurant, one where you even get your own drinks, but they still want to get tipped. At the exit there was a box bolted to the wall with a sign on it that said "tip box." I tried to, but it was too firmly bolted to tip it. I tried snorting Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. If a man were forced to serve two prison terms, I suppose he'd have a compound sentence. The math department felt they weren't getting enough students registering as math majors, so they made a commercial and aired it on prime time--1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock, 5 o'clock, 7 o'clock, and 11 o'clock. Cars driven at night burn midnight oil. A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." A mathematician scolding his child: "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times." If you're sharing an apartment with a sheep and a cow could you consider them as your ruminates? Applying mascara in a car can cause whipped lashes. =============================================================== ___ /_\_\ |;-^-'| ; ._ d - j :. ,<%@. |-_-| / \ {_ _,l ___/\_ _/\_ \,< ___ <~L~>\. /___\_\'/_/_`-.( `___\ \ - |` /___ \ \|/|po /||_/-___L":--;" L _ \ \ |o|LY| |(n==\^\^''--`-,-_ [-><-]=3 || ^;| |`\ _')>\ /<__/\ |< !c)|o ; |;| "| _' \ \/ /po | |- | | ; ' |,-. |.V \/ |LY | |\__, _L |o : | / \ \||\ |o^ ^| | _|/| / _\__ : / 7 '<|`. | | | / |L/ < /\: | Y \ | \|' | | | |/ /_ | | | | \| A|. | | /| |/|PO| | || | | |V| | | || |<|LY| | || | |,| | |_ | / | | ^^ | | | | | |____| |" | | | | | | | | |#^' |4 \ | | | | | | |,| | |%_| | | |m | A \ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | / | / | | \ || | | | | | | / /| |__| || | | l | | |> / / | | \___/|_A_| | | | | / / | | | | || |m1a >-->Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: a. Present it to the president of the United States. b. Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations. c. Take it apart. 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youth do you miss the most? a. Innocence. b. Idealism. c. Cherry bombs. 3. When is it okay to kiss another male? a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions. b. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.) c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed. 4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is: a. A cat. b. A dog. c. A dog that eats cats. 5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy--you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers--when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say? a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it. b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope. c. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen. 6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her. How do you tell her? a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner. b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her. c. Tell her what? 7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is: a. "Do they need to eat or anything?" b. "They're in school already?" c. "There are three of them?" 8. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land? a. He was being tested. b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there. c. He refused to ask directions. 9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement? a. Democracy. b. Religion. c. Remote control. [If I'm not mistaken this is from Dave Barry (yes, that Dave Barry). REAL GUYS Don't Need The Answers - they already know them!] =================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit: Amazing Gibraltar Airport! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/airroad.html Watermelon And Egg Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/watermelon.html Grizzly Bear Killed http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grizzly.html Pencil Furniture http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pencilf.html Wyoming Cowgirl http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/cowgirl.html This Is India http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/india.html Hiking In China http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trail.html -<>- >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) Better Way to Search eBay http://xrl.in/2sid Search 100 Video Sites Simultaneously http://xrl.in/2sie Download Free Videos For Your Mobile Phone ! http://xrl.in/2sik Paper Weight and Size Conversion Chart http://xrl.in/2sho --- ...Good links! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: New Robot http://www.buffaloschips.com/uijhgyugu.htm New Saw http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhytfr.htm Nice One http://www.buffaloschips.com/uiy.htm Not His Day http://www.buffaloschips.com/uyft.htm cat night http://www.buffaloschips.com/jgjkdfghfdkgdf.htm cat nose3 http://www.buffaloschips.com/jgfhjghdfkjgfd.htm cat nothing worse http://www.buffaloschips.com/jghjdkfghdfjkgfd.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Scientists have repaired the Hubble telescope. They not only repaired it, they improved it. It's now the Hubble Kaleidoscope." -David Letterman "A survey has found that 26 percent of people admit to texting while driving. The other 74 percent admitted to texting while being hit by a car." -Jimmy Fallon "There are two types of people--those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'" --Frederick L Collins "Whenever I go to a bar, I always go right up to the most beautiful woman in the room and say, 'You've got something hanging out of your nose.' Hey, since I've got no shot at her, I might as well humble her a little for the next guy." --Michael Hayward "Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped." - Groucho Marx "Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity." --Frank Leahy "What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left." --Oscar Levant "It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to- day basis." --Margaret Bonnano "It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature." - Steven Wright "When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look... twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield "I have a new philosophy. I am only going to dread one day at a time." - Charlie Brown >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Pass this on as it should be of interest to all who served. The study was carried out in Austrialia on their Vietnam Veterans. ABC Nat. Radio Health Report Autralian Vietnam Vets: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/HealthReportVV.mp3 VV ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************