Play It Where It Lies... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
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ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
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Group email address:
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or email me here:
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================
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================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This too hot to handle one comes from 4 of our friends -
LouiseA, GloriaB, Geniann, and PatDeE! I most definitely
got the clue that this one was a great one to do up and
share with all of you! Turn up the sound, give it time
to load and check it out here...
O
(_)
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jgs _| '-----------' |_
[= === === ==== == =]
[__--__--___--__--__]
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`"""""""""""""""""""""""`
Back In Time
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/backintime.html
---
...Wow! Sure does bring back memories! Thank you LouiseA,
GloriaB, Geniann, and PatDeE!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: Let's Play It Where It Lies
[]
[] Two longtime golfing buddies got to the course one day
[] and decided that today they would play the ball where
|| it lies... "No matter what!"
||
|| On the 14th hole, one of them sliced his ball and it
|| ended up on the cart path. As he reached down to pick
|| up his ball to get relief, his friend said, "Wait a
|| minute! We agreed that we would not improve our lies!
|| Remember? No matter what!"
||
|'-----. .-. The first player tried to explain that he
\______/ (jgs) was entitled to this relief -- that it was
'-' in the rules of golf. But the second fellow
would not allow it. Finally, in disgust,
As he stood near the man went to the cart and grabbed a
his ball, he took club.
a few practice swings,
each time scraping the club on the pavement and sending out showers
of sparks.
Finally, he took his shot. The club hit the cement again, sparks went
flying, but his ball shot straight towards the green, landed and
rolled to a stop -- two inches from the cup.
"Great shot!" his friend exclaimed. "What club did you use?" The
man answered with a wry smile, "Your 7-iron!"
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
August 26 is National Cherry Popsicle Day
August 27 is Petroleum Day
August 28 is World Sauntering Day
August 29 is More Herbs, Less Salt Day
August 30 is National Toasted Marshmallow Day
August 31 is National Trail Mix Day
September 1 is Emma M. Nutt Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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>Bottom of the Class
"I'm worried about you always being at the bottom of your class," said
the father to his son.
"Don't worry Dad," he replied. "They still teach the same thing at both
ends."
-<>-
>Exercise Bike
The wife was was determined to ride her exercise bike several miles a
day.
Late one night, having put it off all day, she climbed aboard the noisy
contraption in the bedroom, where her husband was reading a book.
After about 20 minutes of listening to the squeaky machine, he glanced
up. "Don't you think it's time you turned around and headed for home?"
he asked.
-<>-
>Grandma's Accident
I was lying in my hospital bed on the third day after an accident when
my eight-year-old granddaughter arrived with her mom.
She looked in awe at the wrist-to-shoulder cast on left arm, then asked
to see the rest of the damage. I showed her my broken right ankle,
which wasn't in a cast yet; my left leg, bruised knee to thigh; and,
pushing back my bangs a raw bump the size of an egg above my eyebrow.
Her blue eyes wide, she asked earnestly, "Grandma, can I take you to
school tomorrow for show and tell?"
-<>-
>Knitting
Many years ago my wife was to knitting what Tiger Woods is to golf. She
designed exotic patterns with ease. There was an occasion when we had
lunch in a real Chinese restaurant (only one person spoke partial
English, all menus were in Chinese). When she saw the hand-written menu
she was so impressed with the calligraphy she tucked the menu in her
purse. Some months later I saw the result, a stunning white sweater
with the Chinese symbols hand-stitched down the front.
She received compliments galore until one cocktail party when we met a
distinguished Chinese physician who asked my wife where she got the
symbols. He then wanted to know if she knew what they meant.
"I'm afraid to ask," she said, "but tell me anyway."
Even she had to laugh when he told her they read, "This is a cheap
dish--but good."
-<>-
>Old Veteran
When I worked as a medical intern in a local hospital, one of my
patients was an elderly man with a thick accent.
It took me some time to understand that he had no insurance coverage.
One thing he had made clear was that he was a World War II veteran, so
I had him transported to the Veteran's Administration hospital, where
he'd be eligible for benefits.
The next day my patient was back, with a note from the VA: "Right war,
wrong side."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Richard :)
|
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| <_> |
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`-._ |
|`-._|
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_________________________________|____
`-._ `-._ |
`-._ `-._ |
kat `-._ `-._
[Politics]
>College Football!
For those who are looking forward to the upcoming college football
season, here is a recap of last year:
Alabama beat Arkansas, and Arkansas fired their coach.
Alabama beat Tennessee, and Tennessee fired their coach.
Alabama beat Auburn, and Auburn fired their coach.
Then Alabama beat Notre Dame, and the Pope resigned.
Man, I wish the White House had a team!
---
...LOL! Thanks Richard!
-<>-
_.-'`'-._
.-' _ '-.
`-.__ `\_.-'
| `-``\|
jgs `-.....-A
#
#
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her
class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when
stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You
should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that!" "I'm going to
tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then
fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy,
is she going to get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class,
"Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and
said,"The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is
the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued,
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a
dirty mind, Two, you didn't read your homework, and three, one day you
are going to be very, very disappointed."
---
...Oh my! Thanks Richard :)
===========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
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| /o\_'||.' o `.
| \=/ /|| `---'
\ ___// \
\____/ (`__')
///////\\\\\\\
`--.____.--' . . . A-OK SMILES!
unknown
>SMILES
* When you don't know what you're talking about,
it's hard to know when you're finished.
* The best way to keep children home is to make the home
a pleasant atmosphere....and let the air out of the tires.
* So far...on my 30-day diet, I lost 18 days.
* The best time to give advice to your children is while
they're still young enough to believe you know what you're
talking about.
* Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize
you haven't fallen asleep yet.
------------
After a long, bumpy flight, our passengers were glad to finally land.
They disembarked, and the other attendants and I checked for items left
behind.
In a seat pocket, I found a bag of home-made cookies with a note
saying, "Much love, Mom."
Quickly, I gave the bag to our gate agent in hopes it would be reunited
with its owner.
A few minutes later, an announcement came over the public-address
system in the concourse: "Would the passenger who lost his cookies on
Flight 502, please return to the gate?"
------------
The difference a little punctuation makes:
Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about.
You are generous, kind, thoughtful.
People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me for other men.
I yearn for you.
I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart.
I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours?
Gloria
With a little punctuation change...
Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is.
All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people,
who are not like you.
Admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me.
For other men, I yearn.
For you, I have no feelings whatsoever.
When we're apart, I can be forever happy.
Will you let me be?
Yours,
Gloria
------------
"I thought I told you to keep an eye on your cousin," the mother said.
"Where is he?"
"Well," her son replied thoughtfully,
"if he knows as much about canoeing as he thinks he does, he's out canoeing.
If he knows as little as I think he does, he's out swimming."
-<>-
(( "####@@!!$$ ))
`#####@@!$$` ))
(( '####@!!$:
(( ,####@!!$: ))
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`#@!!$
!@# `#@!$: @#$
#$ `#@!$: !@!
'@!$:
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-."-/\\\-."//.-"/:`\."-.JrS"."-=_\\
" -."-.\\"-."//.-".`-."_\\-.".-\".-//
[Politics]
>*Lost Churches Of The East Coast*
When hurricane Sandy struck the East Coast, even houses of worship were
not spared.
A local television station interviewed a woman from New Jersey and asked
how the loss of churches in the area would affect their lives.
Without hesitation, the woman replied, "I don't know 'bout all those
other people, but we ain't gone to Churches in years. We gets our
chicken from Popeye's."
The look on the interviewer's face was priceless.
They live among us, AND THEY VOTE.
Now, do you understand how we got our president?
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
{An Et-Ahem]
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>Golfing...
The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to
place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her
lack of underwear.
'Goodness, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.
'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to
afford any.'
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake
of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her
skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency,
here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her
skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Jehoshaphat, Aggie! Where ta heck are yer drawers?' She too
explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd
any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the
love 'o decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit.'
---
...LMAO! Thanks LouiseA!
===========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
_...._
.'.o' o.'.
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||
||
||
||
jgs ||
\/
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a
petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump
attendant who knows absolutely nothing about golf, greets him in a
typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' toyer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?", asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Jumpin Jehoshaphat!", says the Irishman, "Mercedes thinks of
everything!".
---
...TeeHee! Thanks Geniann!
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
A pair of enterprising thieves took a car wash to the
cleaners: They used a powerful shop vacuum to suck quarters
out of a coin-operated machine, police said.
The duo drew the suspicion of a passing police officer and
failed to make a clean getaway.
"They had a good plan. They were enterprising. If they were
successful they could have returned night after night," said
Sgt. Gary Young. "More often thieves just use a crowbar.
They get an A for effort but an F for execution."
Todd Herburg, 53, and Scott Luker, 55, were arrested on
suspicion of burglary.
More charges are pending. What gave the men away was a crude
attempt at altering their vehicle's license plates. They used
a piece of black electrical tape to change a 'D' to a 'B'
Young said.
The bandits were at work for about 12 minutes, sucking coins
out of the coin dispensary of a stand-alone vacuum cleaner at
the car wash. They used their own shop vacuum to do the work,
he said. It was powered by an inverter rigged inside their
Jeep SUV to produce household current.
Police haven't counted their stash of quarters yet, but the
coin-operated machine probably held no more than $30.
*-- Police: Woman called 911 to ask for a pen --*
HOOKSET, N.H. - New Hampshire police said a woman who has
called 911 multiple times in the past month was arrested
for calling the emergency number to ask for a pen. Police
said Jeanie Defresne of Hookset, who has called the
emergency number 10 times in the past month, called 911
during the weekend and requested a writing instrument,
WBZ-TV, Boston, reported Tuesday. "I just want a simple
thing," Dufresne told the dispatcher. "A pen." "You want
a pen?" the dispatcher said. "You dialed 911 because you
want a pen? You do realize that it's definitely not an
emergency. You're dialing 911, you are tying up a 911
line, so you're tying up people who actually have
emergencies because you need a pen." Dufresne, whose age
was not reported, was arrested on a misuse of 911 charge.
She was ordered held in lieu of $5,000 bond. Police did
not reveal the reasons for Dufresne's previous 911 calls.
*-- Woman loses custody of newborn because of poppy seed dressing --*
NEWCASTLE, Pa. - A Pennsylvania woman who failed a drug
test because she ate poppy seed dressing is entitled to
damages for losing her newborn son for 75 days, a judge
ruled. Eileen Bower was unaware the urine sample she
provided to Jameson Health Systems an hour before giving
birth to Brandon in July 2009 was being used to test for
drugs, Courthouse News Service reported. Bower tested
positive for morphine because there were poppy seeds in
a pasta dressing she had at dinner. Her newborn son tested
negative for drugs, the intake form of Lawrence County
Children and Youth Services noted. U.S. District Judge
Terrence McVerry dismissed Bower's claims for negligence
against the department but her claim of due process
violations under the 14th Amendment survived. "By taking
custody of Baby Brandon without any effort to corroborate
the drug test and without talking to the parents, LCCYS
policy did not provide sufficient protection for the
fundamental parental rights involved in light of the
drastic nature of the deprivation," McVerry wrote. He
awarded summary judgment against the child services
department with the amount of damages to be determined
by a jury.
*-- Man named Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop arrested for drugs --*
MADISON, Wis. - Police in Wisconsin said an unusually named
man, Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, was charged with
possession of marijuana with intent to manufacture. The
32-year-old man, who was born Jeffrey Drew Wilschke and
had his name legally changed in October 2011, allegedly
had drugs and paraphernalia during a July 20 traffic
stop, court records said. Washington County records said
Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, of Madison, was driving a minivan with
an expired registration when a Washington County sheriff's
deputy pulled him over for weaving between lanes. Deputies
found .60 ounces of marijuana in a Mason jar, more than
100 small, plastic bags, two scales, marijuana grinders
and marijuana pipes in the vehicle, The (Cedar Rapids,
Iowa) Gazette reported Friday. Zopittybop-Bop-Bop and his
passenger, Zachary R. Marinan, of Davenport, had a
combined $1,800 in cash. Zopittybop-Bop-Bop is scheduled
for trial Sept. 17 and if convicted could face a possible
five years in prison and a $7,500 fine.
*-- Deli owner throws hot oil on alleged robber --*
LINDEN, N.J. - Police in New Jersey said a deli owner
fended off an alleged robber by throwing hot oil on the
armed suspect. Linden police said the owner of Cos's
Corner Deli, who asked his name not be used, threw
scalding oil on a suspect who came into the store at
2:06 p.m. Monday, pointed a handgun at him and demanded
money from the cash register, The (Newark) Star-Ledger
reported Tuesday. "It's like 350 degrees. I think that
got him, he felt the heat, that's when he ran away," the
deli owner said. "I couldn't just stand here and watch him
take my money. We don't rob people to make money. We work
12 to 15 hours a day to put bread on the table," the man
said. Police said the suspect's face was partially
obscured by his coat, but investigators are attempting to
identify him from surveillance camera footage.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
___
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(\_.'.-\ \_o_/`/-.'._/)
~` - ~`-^_`~ -_~ ^- ~_` -~ _
jgs - ~ - ^ - ~ - ~ -
A German town had to pulp its English language tourism bro-
chure after using a computer to translate the original text.
Visitors to Homberg-an-der-Efze were promised "casual value",
the literal translation of a German word for "leisure
potential", at the "free bath", or "open-air swimming pool".
-<>-
While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely
young woman in a short, short skirt strolled by. My eyes in-
voluntarily followed her as she walked.
Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife
asked, "Was that worth the trouble you're in now?"
-<>-
It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where
I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would
mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for
my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and
can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving
to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the
sister-to-be, answered.
"Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?"
Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have
a delivery for her."
The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!" She
shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!"
-<>-
Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on
strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the
Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist
over there to read the picket signs!"
-<>-
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My friend Mary, a waitress in an elegant restaurant, had to
stifle a laugh when she overheard one diner greeting an old
friend. "Oh, Ruth, it's so wonderful to see you!" the woman
gushed. "Lately we've been like wind passing in the night."
[Thanks to Reader's Digest.]
-<>-
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call
the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice
deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends.
So she waited until her parents had left for work and called
the school herself.
"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it
to school today because she is ill."
Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that.
I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?"
"This is my mother."
-<>-
A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty
so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something
to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served
him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running
around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him
a great deal of attention.
The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this
friendly. The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly.
That's his bowl you're using."
-<>-
Felix, my husband, was playing golf with our town's fire
chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed
for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be
careful, the rattlesnakes are out."
The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week
requesting assistance with removing the snakes.
"You've got to be kidding," Felix replied in astonishment.
"People actually call the fire department to help them with
rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?"
"Well," said the chief, "the first thing I ask is, 'Is it
on fire?'"
-<>-
Do you know why the blonde in California quit being Catholic?
She went to Mass every Sunday, but eventually the air fares
to Boston caused her to go bankrupt.
-<>-
My husband is a service technician for an exterminating
company. And of of the rules is that he must confirm his
appointments by phone the night before a service call.
One evening, he called a customer and said to the man who
answered, "Hi. This is Garry from the pest-control company.
Your wife phoned us."
There was silence for a moment, and then my husband heard
the man say, "Honey, someone wants to speak to you about
your relatives."
[Thanks to Reader's Digest.]
-<>-
As an instructor in driver education at the local area High
School, I've learned that even the brightest students can
become flustered behind the wheel.
One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to
drive for 30 minutes. When the first student completed his
time, I asked him to change places with one of the others.
Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he
asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?"
-<>-
A young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. At
the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have
it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport.
The rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you at South
Bend?"
The youngster said, "Of course not, Father!"
-<>-
At 3:00AM the young wife shook her husband awake, telling him
to check the baby. He sat up for a full minute listening, then
protested, "But I don't hear her crying."
"I know" she replied, "It's your turn to go see why not!"
-<>-
_____|\
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/ , \._/_/_./--''/_|:|___|_,' |
: / `'-'--'----'---------' |
| : O ._O O_. O ._O O_. ; ;
: `. // // // // ,' /
~~~`.______//____//____//____//_______,'~
// //~ // //
~~ _// _// _// ~ _// ~
~ / / / / / / / / ~ ~~
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
"Skipper," the sailor said to his captain as he saluted,
"A special message just came in for you from the admiral.
I have it right here."
"Read it to me," the captain ordered.
The sailor began reading nervously, "You are without a doubt
the most idiotic, lame-brained officer ever to command a ship
in the United States Navy."
The skipper responded, "Have that communication decoded at
once!"
-<>-
During a tour of restored Williamsburg in Virginia, our
hostess pointed with pride to portraits of George Washington,
Thomas Jefferson and James Madison, our first, third and
fourth Presidents. "Why isn't a painting of our second
President, John Adams, hung here?" a member of the group
asked.
"Because in Williamsburg we only hang Virginians!" the
hostess replied.
[Thanks to Reader's Digest.]
=========================================================
>-->From TheJokester:
.======================================.
| ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ |
| \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| |
| _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| |
'===================================== ,sSSSs
DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "(
.:. SSS@ =/ \~/
C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_
___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.-
[____________________________________] \ /\//
| ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/
| (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ;
| | | | | | | | | | |____|
| | | | | | | | | | \ |\
| | | | | | | | | | ) ) )
| |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/
| I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ |
jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\
Y\_\
Golden Years
An old man was in his golden years, but that didn't stop him from
trying to pick up the younger ladies.
He went to the local bar, approached a very pretty and very young woman
and said, "Where have you been all my life?"
The young lady takes one glance at him and says, "For the first half of
it, I wasn't even born yet."
-<>-
The Ring
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he
was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The
old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler
said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with
excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By
check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it
now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick
the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in
that account."
"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!
-<>-
>Forgive Your Enemies
Toward the end of a church service, the minister asked the congregation,
"How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
All held up their hands except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have an enemy in the world," she replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"I happen to be ninety-eight years young," she replied.
"Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us all
how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have a single enemy?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and grinned, "I outlived them all."
-<>-
_______
/ )
/_____ | ______
( ' ) / / __\ _____
|. '| / | \ | / ))
|____|/ |`-----' /_____))
`-----' `------' cf
>Jewish Rye Bread
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench
one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short
of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and
asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said 'Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It keeps
your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies.'
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was
looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, 'Do you
have any Jewish rye bread?'
She said, 'Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?'
He said, 'I want 5 loaves'.
She said, 'My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf,
it'll be hard'
He replied, 'I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about
this but me.'
-<>-
>Remembering
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new
Dentist I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy, with the same
name, had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he
be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon
seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This
balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to
have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he
had attended Fairview high school.
'Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a bulldog,' he gleamed with pride. 'When did you
graduate?' I asked.
He answered, in 1975. Why do you ask?'
'You were in my class!' I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat,
gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-gun asked, 'what did you teach???
-<>-
, /),
(( -.((_)) _,)
,\`.'_ _`-','
`.> <> <> (,-
,', | `._,)
(( ) |, (`--'
`'( ) _--_,-.\ SSt
/,' \( ) `'
(( `\
>"It's So Hot In Here..."
The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying
hard boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
You can make instant sun tea in your tank bag.
You learn that a chrome brake lever makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
You discover that in August, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your
motorcycle.
You discover that you can get a sunburn through your face shield.
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of
distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can actually burn your hand on the clutch lever.
You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
No one would dream of wearing shorts and sitting on a vinyl motorcycle
seat!
Your biggest motorcycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and
end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
Riding breaks are measured by bottles of water rather than the need for
gas.
Now that your yard has burnt, you do not have to spend time mowing but
it is still too hot to ride.
You have to chew the air properly before you can swallow it.
The next person to ask you "Hot 'nuff for ya?" WILL receive a black eye.
-<>-
+
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>Signs It's Way Too Hot
* The pizza you ordered is actually the same temperature that it came
out of the oven when the delivery guy FINALLY gets it to your door.
* The water in your swimming pool can be used to cook vegetables.
* Cows give homogenized milk right there at the Dairy.
* Chickens lay hard boiled eggs.
* You can cook a full meal in your crock pot without ever plugging it
in.
* The frozen pork loin you bought at the grocery on special is fully
cooked by the time you get home and you only live a two minute drive
from the store.
* The squash in your garden are fully cooked when you pick them.
* "Ice Cube" forced to change his name to "Wet Spot."
* Too late, you realize that killing someone for a Slurpee is probably a
crime.
* Al Gore takes credit for inventing air conditioning.
* You shaved ten minutes off the morning commute by cooking breakfast on
your dashboard on the way in.
* Your kids are toasting marshmallows -- by sticking them out the
window.
* Water comes out of the "cold" faucet at the same temperature as the
"hot" faucet.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Funny, Isn't It?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/funny.html
The Wild Ones
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildones.html
Toyger Mini Tiger!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/minitiger.html
'Why Me'? Moments!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whyme.html
World Of Big Cats!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigcats.html
Mule VS Lion
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mulelion.html
Hoppy The Deer
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hoppy.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
She sent us one we have here...
Thailand's Tigers 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tiger2.html
---
...Amazing! Thanks Linda!
>From our Friend Melody :)
What A Wonderful World With David Attenborough
http://www.youtube.com/embed/auSo1MyWf8g?rel=0
selfcontrolfreak #4
http://www.selfcontrolfreak.com/pakken.html
---
...HaHa! Cute! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
An Osprey fishing
Can't believe this Osprey got 5-6 fish at a time, then got a flounder
under 3' of water, and then made off with what looks to be a 5+ lb.
steelhead. I've never seen a bird shake water off like a dog does
There are 3 sequences in this one video:
http://www.youtube.com/embed/nA3LtXnNIto?feature=player_embedded
---
...I love watching this one! Thanks LouiseA!
=========================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"In the early days of the Indian Territory, there were no such
things as birth certificates. You being there was certificate
enough." --Will Rogers
"I think kids appreciate it when adults actually treat them
like people. Little, stupid people who cry a lot."
--Bob Van Voris
"I've been described as a lighthouse in the middle of a bog:
Brilliant but useless." -Connor Cruise O'Brien.
"I wish I were telepathic. Not just to read people's minds,
which would be cool, but to cut down on my cellular phone
bill." -Paul Wiley
"There's a store near my house with a sign that says,
'Unfinished Furniture'. I have to go in there. I'm looking
for a nice three-legged table." --George Carlin
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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