Play It Where It Lies... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle one comes from 4 of our friends - LouiseA, GloriaB, Geniann, and PatDeE! I most definitely got the clue that this one was a great one to do up and share with all of you! Turn up the sound, give it time to load and check it out here... O (_) _ )_( _ /`_) H (_`\ .' ( { } ) '. _/ /` '-'='-' `\ \_ [_.' _,...,_ '._] | .:"`````":. | |__//_________\\__| | .-----------. | | | .-"""-. | | | | / / \ | | | ||- < -|| | | | \ \ / | | | |[`'-...-'`]| | | | ;-.___.-; | | | | | ||| | | | | | | ||| | | | | | | ||| | | | | | | ||| | | | | | | ||| | | | | | | _|||_ | | | | | | >===< | | | | | | |___| | | | | | | ||| | | | | | | ;-; | | | | | | ( ) | | | | | | '-' | | | | | '-------' | | jgs _| '-----------' |_ [= === === ==== == =] [__--__--___--__--__] /__-___-___-___-___-__\ `"""""""""""""""""""""""` Back In Time http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/backintime.html --- ...Wow! Sure does bring back memories! Thank you LouiseA, GloriaB, Geniann, and PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Let's Play It Where It Lies [] [] Two longtime golfing buddies got to the course one day [] and decided that today they would play the ball where || it lies... "No matter what!" || || On the 14th hole, one of them sliced his ball and it || ended up on the cart path. As he reached down to pick || up his ball to get relief, his friend said, "Wait a || minute! We agreed that we would not improve our lies! || Remember? No matter what!" || |'-----. .-. The first player tried to explain that he \______/ (jgs) was entitled to this relief -- that it was '-' in the rules of golf. But the second fellow would not allow it. Finally, in disgust, As he stood near the man went to the cart and grabbed a his ball, he took club. a few practice swings, each time scraping the club on the pavement and sending out showers of sparks. Finally, he took his shot. The club hit the cement again, sparks went flying, but his ball shot straight towards the green, landed and rolled to a stop -- two inches from the cup. "Great shot!" his friend exclaimed. "What club did you use?" The man answered with a wry smile, "Your 7-iron!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ August 26 is National Cherry Popsicle Day August 27 is Petroleum Day August 28 is World Sauntering Day August 29 is More Herbs, Less Salt Day August 30 is National Toasted Marshmallow Day August 31 is National Trail Mix Day September 1 is Emma M. Nutt Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: -="""--.._ ""--...._\ ,b:--....---. || //'""------"' _.l+----.// .&$""' .'"=.. '. / | | ) \ _.-'@_.' '@_/ | .' " \ -._,-'^"""^'-, `. ,\""---___ |.. _.--._, \ .-"(,_\_""" _.' ' _,-; '"` ` " """' """' | |__ ,+ |-.`o o'"/| #| oO Oo"./ (#| | "|_, | '|> \ / `l ,' |,-----||' pjy lj lJ o@o o@o " " >Bottom of the Class "I'm worried about you always being at the bottom of your class," said the father to his son. "Don't worry Dad," he replied. "They still teach the same thing at both ends." -<>- >Exercise Bike The wife was was determined to ride her exercise bike several miles a day. Late one night, having put it off all day, she climbed aboard the noisy contraption in the bedroom, where her husband was reading a book. After about 20 minutes of listening to the squeaky machine, he glanced up. "Don't you think it's time you turned around and headed for home?" he asked. -<>- >Grandma's Accident I was lying in my hospital bed on the third day after an accident when my eight-year-old granddaughter arrived with her mom. She looked in awe at the wrist-to-shoulder cast on left arm, then asked to see the rest of the damage. I showed her my broken right ankle, which wasn't in a cast yet; my left leg, bruised knee to thigh; and, pushing back my bangs a raw bump the size of an egg above my eyebrow. Her blue eyes wide, she asked earnestly, "Grandma, can I take you to school tomorrow for show and tell?" -<>- >Knitting Many years ago my wife was to knitting what Tiger Woods is to golf. She designed exotic patterns with ease. There was an occasion when we had lunch in a real Chinese restaurant (only one person spoke partial English, all menus were in Chinese). When she saw the hand-written menu she was so impressed with the calligraphy she tucked the menu in her purse. Some months later I saw the result, a stunning white sweater with the Chinese symbols hand-stitched down the front. She received compliments galore until one cocktail party when we met a distinguished Chinese physician who asked my wife where she got the symbols. He then wanted to know if she knew what they meant. "I'm afraid to ask," she said, "but tell me anyway." Even she had to laugh when he told her they read, "This is a cheap dish--but good." -<>- >Old Veteran When I worked as a medical intern in a local hospital, one of my patients was an elderly man with a thick accent. It took me some time to understand that he had no insurance coverage. One thing he had made clear was that he was a World War II veteran, so I had him transported to the Veteran's Administration hospital, where he'd be eligible for benefits. The next day my patient was back, with a note from the VA: "Right war, wrong side." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Richard :) | | | _ | | <_> | | | | | `-._ | |`-._| | | _________________________________|____ `-._ `-._ | `-._ `-._ | kat `-._ `-._ [Politics] >College Football! For those who are looking forward to the upcoming college football season, here is a recap of last year: Alabama beat Arkansas, and Arkansas fired their coach. Alabama beat Tennessee, and Tennessee fired their coach. Alabama beat Auburn, and Auburn fired their coach. Then Alabama beat Notre Dame, and the Pope resigned. Man, I wish the White House had a team! --- ...LOL! Thanks Richard! -<>- _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| jgs `-.....-A # # The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that!" "I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said,"The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind, Two, you didn't read your homework, and three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed." --- ...Oh my! Thanks Richard :) =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) .-. .-. | .-. | | | | | | ___ | | | |/ _ \ ___ | /o\_'||.' o `. | \=/ /|| `---' \ ___// \ \____/ (`__') ///////\\\\\\\ `--.____.--' . . . A-OK SMILES! unknown >SMILES * When you don't know what you're talking about, it's hard to know when you're finished. * The best way to keep children home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere....and let the air out of the tires. * So far...on my 30-day diet, I lost 18 days. * The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. * Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. ------------ After a long, bumpy flight, our passengers were glad to finally land. They disembarked, and the other attendants and I checked for items left behind. In a seat pocket, I found a bag of home-made cookies with a note saying, "Much love, Mom." Quickly, I gave the bag to our gate agent in hopes it would be reunited with its owner. A few minutes later, an announcement came over the public-address system in the concourse: "Would the passenger who lost his cookies on Flight 502, please return to the gate?" ------------ The difference a little punctuation makes: Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours? Gloria With a little punctuation change... Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Gloria ------------ "I thought I told you to keep an eye on your cousin," the mother said. "Where is he?" "Well," her son replied thoughtfully, "if he knows as much about canoeing as he thinks he does, he's out canoeing. If he knows as little as I think he does, he's out swimming." -<>- (( "####@@!!$$ )) `#####@@!$$` )) (( '####@!!$: (( ,####@!!$: )) .###@!!$: `##@@!$: `#@!!$ !@# `#@!$: @#$ #$ `#@!$: !@! '@!$: '`\ "!$: /`' '\ '!: /' "\ : /" -."-/\\\-."//.-"/:`\."-.JrS"."-=_\\ " -."-.\\"-."//.-".`-."_\\-.".-\".-// [Politics] >*Lost Churches Of The East Coast* When hurricane Sandy struck the East Coast, even houses of worship were not spared. A local television station interviewed a woman from New Jersey and asked how the loss of churches in the area would affect their lives. Without hesitation, the woman replied, "I don't know 'bout all those other people, but we ain't gone to Churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye's." The look on the interviewer's face was priceless. They live among us, AND THEY VOTE. Now, do you understand how we got our president? --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- {An Et-Ahem] ,``'.' / \ \ \ / \ | | ''''''.| | | `````'` | | | /'''' - (| | | /'``` . | | | / ''''' / ./ / '```` / |/ / ''''`| \/ / ' |` / / / /| /| | / '. || | ) ++ | \ | | | | \ .. \ _/ \ ' ./ | / \ >Golfing... The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 'Goodness, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. 'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.' The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear!' Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. 'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers Why not?' She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.' Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!" Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. 'Jehoshaphat, Aggie! Where ta heck are yer drawers?' She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.' The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit.' --- ...LMAO! Thanks LouiseA! =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) _...._ .'.o' o.'. /o o .o' o'\ |'.o 'o. o'.o| |o. o' o 'o .| \ o .o.'o'./ '._o__o_.' \ / || || || || || jgs || \/ On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant who knows absolutely nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. "Top of the mornin' toyer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those?", asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger. "Well, what on earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger. "Jumpin Jehoshaphat!", says the Irishman, "Mercedes thinks of everything!". --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: A pair of enterprising thieves took a car wash to the cleaners: They used a powerful shop vacuum to suck quarters out of a coin-operated machine, police said. The duo drew the suspicion of a passing police officer and failed to make a clean getaway. "They had a good plan. They were enterprising. If they were successful they could have returned night after night," said Sgt. Gary Young. "More often thieves just use a crowbar. They get an A for effort but an F for execution." Todd Herburg, 53, and Scott Luker, 55, were arrested on suspicion of burglary. More charges are pending. What gave the men away was a crude attempt at altering their vehicle's license plates. They used a piece of black electrical tape to change a 'D' to a 'B' Young said. The bandits were at work for about 12 minutes, sucking coins out of the coin dispensary of a stand-alone vacuum cleaner at the car wash. They used their own shop vacuum to do the work, he said. It was powered by an inverter rigged inside their Jeep SUV to produce household current. Police haven't counted their stash of quarters yet, but the coin-operated machine probably held no more than $30. *-- Police: Woman called 911 to ask for a pen --* HOOKSET, N.H. - New Hampshire police said a woman who has called 911 multiple times in the past month was arrested for calling the emergency number to ask for a pen. Police said Jeanie Defresne of Hookset, who has called the emergency number 10 times in the past month, called 911 during the weekend and requested a writing instrument, WBZ-TV, Boston, reported Tuesday. "I just want a simple thing," Dufresne told the dispatcher. "A pen." "You want a pen?" the dispatcher said. "You dialed 911 because you want a pen? You do realize that it's definitely not an emergency. You're dialing 911, you are tying up a 911 line, so you're tying up people who actually have emergencies because you need a pen." Dufresne, whose age was not reported, was arrested on a misuse of 911 charge. She was ordered held in lieu of $5,000 bond. Police did not reveal the reasons for Dufresne's previous 911 calls. *-- Woman loses custody of newborn because of poppy seed dressing --* NEWCASTLE, Pa. - A Pennsylvania woman who failed a drug test because she ate poppy seed dressing is entitled to damages for losing her newborn son for 75 days, a judge ruled. Eileen Bower was unaware the urine sample she provided to Jameson Health Systems an hour before giving birth to Brandon in July 2009 was being used to test for drugs, Courthouse News Service reported. Bower tested positive for morphine because there were poppy seeds in a pasta dressing she had at dinner. Her newborn son tested negative for drugs, the intake form of Lawrence County Children and Youth Services noted. U.S. District Judge Terrence McVerry dismissed Bower's claims for negligence against the department but her claim of due process violations under the 14th Amendment survived. "By taking custody of Baby Brandon without any effort to corroborate the drug test and without talking to the parents, LCCYS policy did not provide sufficient protection for the fundamental parental rights involved in light of the drastic nature of the deprivation," McVerry wrote. He awarded summary judgment against the child services department with the amount of damages to be determined by a jury. *-- Man named Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop arrested for drugs --* MADISON, Wis. - Police in Wisconsin said an unusually named man, Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, was charged with possession of marijuana with intent to manufacture. The 32-year-old man, who was born Jeffrey Drew Wilschke and had his name legally changed in October 2011, allegedly had drugs and paraphernalia during a July 20 traffic stop, court records said. Washington County records said Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, of Madison, was driving a minivan with an expired registration when a Washington County sheriff's deputy pulled him over for weaving between lanes. Deputies found .60 ounces of marijuana in a Mason jar, more than 100 small, plastic bags, two scales, marijuana grinders and marijuana pipes in the vehicle, The (Cedar Rapids, Iowa) Gazette reported Friday. Zopittybop-Bop-Bop and his passenger, Zachary R. Marinan, of Davenport, had a combined $1,800 in cash. Zopittybop-Bop-Bop is scheduled for trial Sept. 17 and if convicted could face a possible five years in prison and a $7,500 fine. *-- Deli owner throws hot oil on alleged robber --* LINDEN, N.J. - Police in New Jersey said a deli owner fended off an alleged robber by throwing hot oil on the armed suspect. Linden police said the owner of Cos's Corner Deli, who asked his name not be used, threw scalding oil on a suspect who came into the store at 2:06 p.m. Monday, pointed a handgun at him and demanded money from the cash register, The (Newark) Star-Ledger reported Tuesday. "It's like 350 degrees. I think that got him, he felt the heat, that's when he ran away," the deli owner said. "I couldn't just stand here and watch him take my money. We don't rob people to make money. We work 12 to 15 hours a day to put bread on the table," the man said. Police said the suspect's face was partially obscured by his coat, but investigators are attempting to identify him from surveillance camera footage. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ___ /___\ .-.|=0-0=|.-. (\_.'.-\ \_o_/`/-.'._/) ~` - ~`-^_`~ -_~ ^- ~_` -~ _ jgs - ~ - ^ - ~ - ~ - A German town had to pulp its English language tourism bro- chure after using a computer to translate the original text. Visitors to Homberg-an-der-Efze were promised "casual value", the literal translation of a German word for "leisure potential", at the "free bath", or "open-air swimming pool". -<>- While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, short skirt strolled by. My eyes in- voluntarily followed her as she walked. Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was that worth the trouble you're in now?" -<>- It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!" She shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!" -<>- Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!" -<>- . z$$$$$e. .$$$$$$$$$c -r d $$$$$$$$$$$. *c. 'L 4$$$$$$$$$$$F 4c "*e. "%c ^$$$$$$$$$$$F "b ^b "* *$$$$$$$$$$ .. P $ J" ^*$$$$$$$$\e$$$e. d" .F z" "*$$$P".$$$$$$$c d% J" .d" .P $$$$$$$$$$e. $ P z*" .d" $$$$$$$$$$$$b. ^*ee... " zP" "*$$$$$$$$$$$$$ee.. ^""* .d" .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$eee......eeedec. e* .ze z$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b. .P" .z@*" z$$$$$""*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$c ^ eP"" d$$$$$" "*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ " .d$$$$P" ^"*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ****$eee .$$$$$* ^"$$$$$$$$$$*$$$$$$$$$$$" ec. .z$$$$$" "*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$*" ""**ec. .zed$$$$$$$" "*$$$$$$$$$$*" "" .d$$$$$$$P" .d$$$$$$$*" z$$$$$$$$" .$$$$$$$*" d$$$$$*" z$$$$" .$$$$$ Gilo94' My friend Mary, a waitress in an elegant restaurant, had to stifle a laugh when she overheard one diner greeting an old friend. "Oh, Ruth, it's so wonderful to see you!" the woman gushed. "Lately we've been like wind passing in the night." [Thanks to Reader's Digest.] -<>- The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?" "This is my mother." -<>- A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using." -<>- Felix, my husband, was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out." The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes. "You've got to be kidding," Felix replied in astonishment. "People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?" "Well," said the chief, "the first thing I ask is, 'Is it on fire?'" -<>- Do you know why the blonde in California quit being Catholic? She went to Mass every Sunday, but eventually the air fares to Boston caused her to go bankrupt. -<>- My husband is a service technician for an exterminating company. And of of the rules is that he must confirm his appointments by phone the night before a service call. One evening, he called a customer and said to the man who answered, "Hi. This is Garry from the pest-control company. Your wife phoned us." There was silence for a moment, and then my husband heard the man say, "Honey, someone wants to speak to you about your relatives." [Thanks to Reader's Digest.] -<>- As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel. One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes. When the first student completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others. Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?" -<>- A young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. At the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport. The rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you at South Bend?" The youngster said, "Of course not, Father!" -<>- At 3:00AM the young wife shook her husband awake, telling him to check the baby. He sat up for a full minute listening, then protested, "But I don't hear her crying." "I know" she replied, "It's your turn to go see why not!" -<>- _____|\ _.--| SSt |: <____|.----|| .---''---, ;..__..' _... ,'/ ;|/..--'' \ ,'_/.-/': : _..-'''/ / | \ \ _|/| \ /-./_ \; \ \,;' \ ,\ / \: `:\ \ // `:`. ,' \ /-._; | : : :: ,. . ,' :: /`-._| | | || ' : `.`.) _,' |;._:: | | | | `| : `' ,' `. / |`-:_ ; | | | : \ `--. ) /|-._: : | \ \ / / :_| ;`-._; __..--'; : : / ( ;|;-./_ _/.-:'o | / ' | / , \._/_/_./--''/_|:|___|_,' | : / `'-'--'----'---------' | | : O ._O O_. O ._O O_. ; ; : `. // // // // ,' / ~~~`.______//____//____//____//_______,'~ // //~ // // ~~ _// _// _// ~ _// ~ ~ / / / / / / / / ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ "Skipper," the sailor said to his captain as he saluted, "A special message just came in for you from the admiral. I have it right here." "Read it to me," the captain ordered. The sailor began reading nervously, "You are without a doubt the most idiotic, lame-brained officer ever to command a ship in the United States Navy." The skipper responded, "Have that communication decoded at once!" -<>- During a tour of restored Williamsburg in Virginia, our hostess pointed with pride to portraits of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and James Madison, our first, third and fourth Presidents. "Why isn't a painting of our second President, John Adams, hung here?" a member of the group asked. "Because in Williamsburg we only hang Virginians!" the hostess replied. [Thanks to Reader's Digest.] ========================================================= >-->From TheJokester: .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '===================================== ,sSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "( .:. SSS@ =/ \~/ C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________] \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ Golden Years An old man was in his golden years, but that didn't stop him from trying to pick up the younger ladies. He went to the local bar, approached a very pretty and very young woman and said, "Where have you been all my life?" The young lady takes one glance at him and says, "For the first half of it, I wasn't even born yet." -<>- The Ring An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." "I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend! -<>- >Forgive Your Enemies Toward the end of a church service, the minister asked the congregation, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" All held up their hands except one small elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have an enemy in the world," she replied, smiling sweetly. "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "I happen to be ninety-eight years young," she replied. "Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have a single enemy?" The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and grinned, "I outlived them all." -<>- _______ / ) /_____ | ______ ( ' ) / / __\ _____ |. '| / | \ | / )) |____|/ |`-----' /_____)) `-----' `------' cf >Jewish Rye Bread Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said 'Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies.' So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, 'Do you have any Jewish rye bread?' She said, 'Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?' He said, 'I want 5 loaves'. She said, 'My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard' He replied, 'I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this but me.' -<>- >Remembering I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new Dentist I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy, with the same name, had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Fairview high school. 'Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a bulldog,' he gleamed with pride. 'When did you graduate?' I asked. He answered, in 1975. Why do you ask?' 'You were in my class!' I exclaimed. He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat, gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-gun asked, 'what did you teach??? -<>- , /), (( -.((_)) _,) ,\`.'_ _`-',' `.> <> <> (,- ,', | `._,) (( ) |, (`--' `'( ) _--_,-.\ SSt /,' \( ) `' (( `\ >"It's So Hot In Here..." The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs. The cows are giving evaporated milk. The trees are whistling for the dogs. You can say 110 degrees without fainting. You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off. You can make instant sun tea in your tank bag. You learn that a chrome brake lever makes a pretty good branding iron. The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly. You discover that in August, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your motorcycle. You discover that you can get a sunburn through your face shield. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. Hot water now comes out of both taps. You can actually burn your hand on the clutch lever. You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work. No one would dream of wearing shorts and sitting on a vinyl motorcycle seat! Your biggest motorcycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. Riding breaks are measured by bottles of water rather than the need for gas. Now that your yard has burnt, you do not have to spend time mowing but it is still too hot to ride. You have to chew the air properly before you can swallow it. The next person to ask you "Hot 'nuff for ya?" WILL receive a black eye. -<>- + / -/ , # .# -#. # #, -##. # ,# %## # -## /## A #, ### ### ##/ ;## ### U , ####+ ##- ### . % ,##### ;##- :### -#####/ R :% ;### ### ##### :##+, ,#; ###::/########## ,### I ##/..,- ####/, .-:###; ###= ,#######: ##= .%#+##### N ,#######=++ -#####= ####; .##; K ##/ ;###% ,%##%- ,# % ,#:-=##= ,#/::+#= +;=. %###= O - #. , ###:;#######= =; +###%# -####, -+ +###- #######; -:=. ? =#+ :####### -,## ;: ,##%. +#####, -########### . /: . /#//: ! .#####:/##% // / % /+ /- ! # :# ##/ ,- /##. +# ########+ 1 =####/ %## /#########+ ,######, .; +##%- +#= ######## :#+#%###/ # =#. ,%### -## .;#/, ### /. 1 .:+######% .###. #/%: -#### =//- =#####+. =, ,#; %###= #########: ./### #####: #####% ########### +####= #### #####% ### /#% ###/ ##### ### ## .###. #### /###, ,# -###= #### %##+ # -###%, ####. %## -- ;:. ;###= ## . .###= +# -joil'99 =### =/ ### ,. ;#: #. >Signs It's Way Too Hot * The pizza you ordered is actually the same temperature that it came out of the oven when the delivery guy FINALLY gets it to your door. * The water in your swimming pool can be used to cook vegetables. * Cows give homogenized milk right there at the Dairy. * Chickens lay hard boiled eggs. * You can cook a full meal in your crock pot without ever plugging it in. * The frozen pork loin you bought at the grocery on special is fully cooked by the time you get home and you only live a two minute drive from the store. * The squash in your garden are fully cooked when you pick them. * "Ice Cube" forced to change his name to "Wet Spot." * Too late, you realize that killing someone for a Slurpee is probably a crime. * Al Gore takes credit for inventing air conditioning. * You shaved ten minutes off the morning commute by cooking breakfast on your dashboard on the way in. * Your kids are toasting marshmallows -- by sticking them out the window. * Water comes out of the "cold" faucet at the same temperature as the "hot" faucet. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Funny, Isn't It? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/funny.html The Wild Ones http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildones.html Toyger Mini Tiger!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/minitiger.html 'Why Me'? Moments! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whyme.html World Of Big Cats!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigcats.html Mule VS Lion http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mulelion.html Hoppy The Deer http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hoppy.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us one we have here... Thailand's Tigers 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tiger2.html --- ...Amazing! Thanks Linda! >From our Friend Melody :) What A Wonderful World With David Attenborough http://www.youtube.com/embed/auSo1MyWf8g?rel=0 selfcontrolfreak #4 http://www.selfcontrolfreak.com/pakken.html --- ...HaHa! Cute! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) An Osprey fishing Can't believe this Osprey got 5-6 fish at a time, then got a flounder under 3' of water, and then made off with what looks to be a 5+ lb. steelhead. I've never seen a bird shake water off like a dog does There are 3 sequences in this one video: http://www.youtube.com/embed/nA3LtXnNIto?feature=player_embedded --- ...I love watching this one! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "In the early days of the Indian Territory, there were no such things as birth certificates. You being there was certificate enough." --Will Rogers "I think kids appreciate it when adults actually treat them like people. Little, stupid people who cry a lot." --Bob Van Voris "I've been described as a lighthouse in the middle of a bog: Brilliant but useless." -Connor Cruise O'Brien. "I wish I were telepathic. Not just to read people's minds, which would be cool, but to cut down on my cellular phone bill." -Paul Wiley "There's a store near my house with a sign that says, 'Unfinished Furniture'. I have to go in there. I'm looking for a nice three-legged table." --George Carlin Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************