Political Humor, Blondes, And More... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND For Google Plus Users:
You can find me here... Shangy Bigham
https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This wonderfully hot newbie is from our friends Linda and
Geniann. It took me around 5 hours to put it together but I
am hoping there will be lots of ooos, awes, and wows for you!
These cars are all very rare one of a kinds you won't want
to miss seeing! Here's some sweet eye candy for you...
Most Expensive Cars!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/expensivecars.html
---
...Wow! I love this! Thanks Ladies! The Penny Car is even near me!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: Bad Boys And Girls
At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you know where
little boys and girls go when they do bad things?"
"Sure," Little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church
yard."
+ + +
.-"-. .-:-. .-"-.
/ RIP \ / RIP \ / RIP \
| | | | | |
\\ |// \\\ |// \\\ |//
jgs ` " "" " ` ' "" " " ' """ "
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
August 24 is Vesuvius Day [Vesuvius Day marks the date that Mount
Vesuvius exploded in 1979 - had to look it up :)
August 25 is Kiss and Make Up Day
August 26 is National Dog Day and Women's Equality Day
August 27 is Global Forgiveness Day and Just Because Day
August 28 is Race Your Mouse Day
August 29 is More Herbs, Less Salt Day
August 30 is Frankenstein Day and Toasted Marshmallow Day
August 31 is National Trail Mix Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
|\
| \
|
____________ ____________ |
/ O * maytag \ / O O maytag \ |
|____________| |____________| |
| ____________ || | |
|| ||| | |
|| ]||| | |
/\ ____ || ||| | _______ |
[| ||Tide|||____________||| | |#####| |
__|__||____||______________||______________|__|#####|___|
|#####| jro\
>A Bad Day
It was one of the worst days of my life: The washing machine broke
down, the telephone kept ringing, my head ached, and the mailman
brought a bill I had no money to pay.
Almost to the breaking point, I lifted my one-year-old into his high
chair, leaned my head against the tray, and began to cry.
Without a word, my son took his pacifier out of his mouth and stuck it
in mine.
-<>-
>Gift Card
As he paid for our meal with a gift card, my husband noticed the bill
was more than the card was worth, so he handed our waiter his debit
card to cover the balance.
"Wow, some people might have skipped out and stuck me with the
difference," the waiter said. "Thank you for being so honest."
Then, as he took the card, he asked, "Could I see some ID?"
-<>-
>Kitchen Help
A husband came home to an empty house one day and decided he would
start dinner.
First, he would make the salad. He searched high and low for the big
bowl for making the salad and finally found it in the refrigerator,
half full of Kool Aid.
"Who on earth put Kool Aid in a bowl?" He looked around and found some
empty pop bottles, rinsed them out and using a funnel, transferred the
Kool Aid to the soda bottles and returned them to the fridge.
He then made the salad and was starting the rest of the dinner when his
wife came home.
She had been to the store and was putting some things in the fridge,
when suddenly she asked her husband, "Who on earth put my Jello in soda
bottles?"
-<>-
>Pain Scale
When a patient was wheeled into the emergency room, the nurse on duty
asked her, "On a scale of zero to ten with zero representing no pain
and ten representing excruciating pain, what would you say your pain
level is now?"
The patient shook her head. "Oh, I don't know. I'm not good with math."
-<>-
Blinker fluid: reduces the noise of turn signals
_
/_\
.'-'.
.' '.
'_________'
( )
|.---------.|
|: Blinker :|
|: Fluid :|
|'---------'|
(___________)LGB
>Top Ten Signs You've Bought a Lemon of a Car
10. Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty Garbage Bags.
9. The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.
8. The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.
7. The rear-view mirror says, "Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This
Piece of Junk."
6. The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as the
everyday abacus.
5. Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you're taking.
4. The sticker on the windshield says, "Batteries Not Included."
3. You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coals.
2. You can only go to restaurants that offer Valet Pushing.
1. When you approach hitchhikers, they put their thumbs down.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
>SMILES
___________,_____
| | # |=====|
| | (_) |=====|
|> _ |_____|=====|
| [_] | | |
| |_____|=====|
| | |_____|
| ] |_____| |
| |_____|=====|
| | ___ |_____|
|> |[___]| |
| |[___]|=====|
|_____|=====|_____|
jgs [###########]
To my flying buddies:
When I came home from flying today, I found a note on the fridge that
my wife left :
“ It's not working, gone to stay with my mother. I can't take it
anymore.”
I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold.
What the heck is she talking about?
--------
While strolling round the Potomac early this morning, about 7 a.m., I
noticed a guy shouting "Allah be praised" and "Death to all infidels"
when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water.
He was struggling to stay afloat, which was difficult because of all the
explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he would surely drown.
Being a responsible citizen, and abiding by the law of the land that
requires you to help those in distress, I informed the Police, the
Coastguard, the Immigration Office and even the Fire Department.
It is now 11 a.m.. By now the terrorist has drowned and all of the
authorities I contacted have yet to respond.
I'm starting to think I wasted four stamps. What do you think?
-------
__
\> )
/_/
____ /\_)
/''__Y /
\(>66
/\_\_)
_/ \__
(_\/\ \
__/ / >___'_/_ _
\_ / (_ _/ \_)
U \_(_)___/_\
\ \_ (_\___
(oooo/ \___)
mic oooo
Stuff About Kids
There is only one pretty child in the
world and every mother has it.
Chinese Proverb: Cleaning your house while
your kids are still growing is like clearing
your driveway in the middle of a snowstorm.
Mothers of teens are the only ones that KNOW
why animals eat their young.
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...
she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents
despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually
repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
A child's greatest period of growth is the month
after you've purchased new school clothes.
The main purpose of holding children's parties
is to remind yourself that there are children
out there more awful than your own.
We childproofed our home 3 years
ago and they're still getting in!
Grandchildren are God's reward for
not killing your children.
When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
You can fool some of the people all of the time
and all of the people some of the time,
but you can never fool a Mom.
I love to give homemade gifts...
which one of my kids do you want?
Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy
from a baby' has never tried it.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their
life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you
spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up!
-------
.-"""-. _.---..-;
:.) ;"" \/
__..--'\ ;-"""-. ;._
`-.___.^.___.'-.____J__/-._J
bug
>Ducky
Three women die together in an accident and go
to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says,
"We only have one rule here in heaven ... don't
step on the ducks." So they enter heaven, and
sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and
although they try their best to avoid them, the first
woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes
St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St.
Peter chains them together and says, "Your
punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend
eternity chained to this man!"
The next day, the second woman accidentally steps
on a duck, and along come St. Peter, who doesn't
miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly
man. He chains them together with the same punishment
as the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not
wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man,
is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages
to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one
day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome
man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, tan, muscular,
and with good hair. St. Peter chains them together
without saying a word.
The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve
being chained to you for all of eternity?" And the guy
says, "Well, I don't know what you did lady, but I
stepped on a duck."
-------
A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the
collections.
One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection
plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the
chickens from Brother Martin's hen house please refrain from
giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money
from a thief!"
The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time
in months everybody gave.
--------
After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night,
his parents heard sobbing coming from his room.
Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to
tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was
going to die. No amount of talking helped.
His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his
pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted.
In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it,
then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!"
-------
Paddy was looking for work, and his mate told him that they needed
someone up at the Blacksmiths. Paddy went to see the bloke, and
inquired, "My mate tells me you're looking for someone to work here."
"Yes, that's right." said the Blacksmith, "Can you shoe Horses?"
"I'm not sure," said Paddy, "but I once told a Donkey to kiss off."
-------
A pastor was giving the children’s message during church. For this
part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and
give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children’s church.
On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson
on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I’m going to
describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know
what it is." The children nodded eagerly.
"This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands
went up.
"And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The
children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised.
"And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its
tail when it’s excited (pause)..."
Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The pastor
breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. "Well," said the boy, "I
know the answer must be Jesus... but it sure sounds like a squirrel to
me!"
--------
,-----.
/' `\
; ----,---- ;
| `o- |`o- |
| |_ |
| _____, |
\_ _/
| `-----' |
__.-; ;-.__
_,-' ; : ; ; `-._
_,' `.
,`-,_____ \ : : / ____,-'-,
/' ```----. .----''' `\
/ \_/ \
| | |
| , | , |
| | | | |
| \ | / |
\ /\ o | o /\ /
/ | |`\ / \ /'| | \
| | | `------' `------' | | |
| | \ _.--'|`--._ / | |
\ | | __|--'|`--|__ | | /
| | | __|--'|`--|__pb | | |
The weather was very hot and a man wanted desperately to take a dive in
a nearby lake.
He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but He was all alone. So he
undressed and got into the water.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies
walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the
water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the
bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to
move.
Then one of the ladies said: 'You know, I have a special gift, I can
read minds.'
'Impossible', said the embarrassed man, 'You really know what I think?'
'Yes', the lady replied, 'Right now, I bet you think that the bucket
you're holding has a bottom.'
--------
A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in
Germany. I assumed that most Germans would speak English. But I found
that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket
inspector on the train.
He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures
like a windmill. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I
was interested.
When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned
forward and asked if I spoke German.
"No," I confessed.
"Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he
told you that you were on the wrong train."
-------
A woman was called for jury duty.
When asked about the occupations of family members she said, "My son is
a lawyer."
Later she was asked if she had ever used the services of an attorney.
"Only to mow my lawn."
--------
Joe sets up his chum Michael to go on a blind date with a friend of a
friend of his. But Michael is a little worried about going out with
someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly?" says
Mike, "I'll be stuck with her all night."
"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If
you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't
just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."
So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he
is awe-struck at how beautiful and hot she is. He's about to speak
when the girl suddenly shouts:.."Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"
--------
A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the
desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with
you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went
up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.
Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy,
what are the three most important things you would bring with you?"
asked the Scout Master. Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water,
and a deck of cards."
"Why's that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction,
the water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to
come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black
ten!"
--------
.
\ | /
_\|/_
.' ' ' '. ___
_.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-.
.'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'`
.'.' ||()|()||
.___..-'.' / \
`----'"` / .-. \
(.'.(___).'.)
`.__.-.__.'
jgs |_| |_|
`.`-'.'
`"`
>Famous Last Words
"Are you sure the power is off?"
"Don't be so superstitious."
"He's probably just hibernating."
"I can do that with my eyes closed."
"I wonder where the mother bear is?"
"I'll get a world record for this."
"I'll hold it and you light the fuse."
"And that one over there, the red flashing one, what does that mean?"
"I'm making a citizen's arrest."
"It's fireproof."
"It's strong enough for both of us."
"I've done this before."
"I've seen this done on TV."
"Let it down slowly."
"Nice doggie."
"Now watch this..."
"Pull the pin and count to what?"
"Rat poison only kills rats."
"So, you're a cannibal..."
"Listen, I'm taking a course in chemistry, I know what I'm doing."
"That's odd..."
"These are the good kind of mushrooms."
"This doesn't taste right."
"What does this button do?"
"Which wire was I supposed to cut?"
---
...LOL! Great ones! Thanks Linda!
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From The Tea Party:
“A Little Girl is Dead” – Frustrated Mom’s #BlackLivesMatter
Rant Goes Viral And More In The News...
http://tinyurl.com/orngxg7
-<>-
>From MRC:
Trump: ‘I’ll Use the Word Anchor Baby’ Even If ‘It’s Not Politically
Correct’ and more in the news...
http://email.mrc.org/c/138sRYe4ohI4Yi4oajLljevjF
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
What is an infidel?
in·fi·del
?inf?dl,?inf??del/
nounarchaic
noun: infidel; plural noun: infidels; plural noun: the infidel
Any person who does not believe in their religion or who adheres
to a religion other than one's own.
---
...Yes. Thanks Geniann!
In Islam, all non-Muslims are called unbelievers or infidels. The
treatment of the infidels in Islam is divided into two categories. The
polytheists, pagans, idolaters and heathens have the choice of
converting to Islam or suffer death. The Jews and Christians, whom the
Koran calls people of the book, can retain their religion but on the
sufferance of accepting humiliation and subjugation to Islam and
payment of Jizyah (poll-tax) to the Islamic rulers.
The Qur’an certainly proclaims that when the time is appropriate,
Muslims must use force to convert the unbelievers to Islam. For the
non-Muslims, the alternative to this is to pay the humiliating
protection money (Jizya tax) or be killed (by beheading, of course). A
militarily dominant Islam, without doubt, precludes the peaceful
co-existence with the unbelievers if the Muslims have to abide strictly
by the unalterable stipulations of the Qur’an.
This is why we see very few “moderate” muslims coming out and speaking
against the violence. There is so much overwhelming evidence stacked
against them not able to be “moderate” because of the fundamental
belief’s of Islam.
http://infidelsarecool.com/2006/12/overwhelming-evidence-of-i/
Can you trust a Muslim? Not if he/she wants to hide something from you.
They are allowed to lie to unbelievers about anything as long as it is
creatively done or is at a time of their war against infidels...
Tawriya: "Creative Lying" Advocated in Islam
Now meet tawriya, a doctrine that allows lying in virtually all
circumstances.
http://www.gatestoneinstitute.org/2898/tawriya-creative-lying-islam
Islam Permits Lying to Deceive Unbelievers and Bring World Domination!
http://tinyurl.com/k4vbc75
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
To parents, their children are the most valuable things in
the world. And when you are in a hotel room, what do you do
with your valuables? If you follow this chain of reasoning
to its logical conclusion you might come up with the same
answer as this New York couple.
Police are looking for a couple from Brooklyn who locked
their baby inside a hotel safe, police in Canada said.
The Niagara Regional Police Service said that the family was
staying at the Howard Johnson Hotel in Niagara Falls, and
apparently did not want to risk their precious little bundle
falling into the water while they were sight-seeing.
Around 10:00 a.m. the family notified the hotel staff that
the baby had been locked in the safe, and a maintenance
worker was sent to the room to free the baby.
The baby was alert and crying, police said. The parents, who
were on the scene when the maintenance worker freed the baby,
left the hotel before the police arrived.
The child abuse unit of the Niagara Regional Police, said
that it is still unclear how the baby ended up in the safe,
although we can assume he didn't crawl in there himself.
Police believe that the baby is less than one year old and
small enough to fit in the safe.
I'm not sure this would qualify as child abuse. I mean, how
much harm can a baby come to in a safe? If anything the
parents were neglectful for forgetting the combination.
The U.S. Border Control has also been notified about the
incident, but the family has not arrived back in the U.S.
-<>-
Some people just don't know when to say 'when.' You would
think that after a long and fruitful life that included
giving birth to 13 kids, a person would be satisfied. But
not this woman. She went out of the way, and out of the
country to have four more...at age 65!
Doctors in Germany say quadruplets born prematurely three
months ago to a 65-year-old woman are doing well and can
leave a Berlin hospital soon.
Charite hospital said that the babies all weigh more than
2.5 kilograms (88 ounces) and should be able to go home this
month. The quadruplets are a girl named Neeta and three boys
named Dries, Bence and Fjonn, who were delivered during the
26th week of pregnancy by cesarean section.
Mother Annegret Raunigk is believed to be the oldest woman
to have ever delivered quadruplets.
The retired schoolteacher already has 13 other children
aged 10 to 44 from five fathers. She traveled abroad to
have donated, fertilized eggs implanted, a procedure that is
illegal in Germany.
*-- Police: Intoxicated man tried to dig up dad to send him to
heaven --*
STANFORD, Ky. - Authorities in Kentucky said they arrested a
man accused of drunkenly trying to dig up his father's grave
to help the nearly-40-year-dead man get to heaven.
Michael May, 44, whose father, Odell, died in 1978, was
arrested Monday night on charges of violating a grave,
possession of marijuana, and public intoxication.
May, who had allegedly been drinking alcohol and smoking
marijuana Monday evening, was discovered digging up a plot at
the Pilot Baptist Church in rural Lincoln County by a constable
whose suspicions were piqued when he saw May's car.
"I went back and hollered for him to step back in the light and
he told me to step back to the dark. That's when I went and got
my flashlight. He started hollering out [Bible] verses at me,"
Constable Delbert Mitchell told WLEX-TV. "He told me he was
trying to dig his dad up, so his dad could go to heaven."
May told police he does not believe he was doing anything wrong
by trying to dig up his father's grave.
"I see the truth.. he needs to be on the ground. Not under it,"
May said.
Police asked May if he planned to make a second attempt to
exhume his father's remains.
"It's a possibility. If the truth doesn't come out and nobody
sees the truth, yeah I'll do it again," he said.
*-- Kids play with barnacle-covered World War II bomb in Wales --*
BURRY PORT, Wales - A barnacle-covered buoy discovered by a
pair of curious young children at a Welsh beach was later found
to be a bomb from World War II.
Gareth and Kelly Gravell, who visited West Beach in Burry Port
with their children, 6-year-old Erin and 4-year-old Ellis, said
they did not suspect the item was anything other than an old
buoy when their kids asked if they could play with it.
"We didn't take much notice of the buoy," Kelly Gravell told
CBS News. "We were looking at the barnacles -- it was quite
unusual."
It wasn't until a couple of days later when Pembrey Country
Park officials determined the item was actually a U.S.-made
bomb from World War II.
"So the buoy my kids were jumping on all weekend turns out to
be a WWII bomb. Oops!!" Gareth Gravell tweeted.
Park officials shared pictures of the bomb on Facebook.
A video posted Wednesday showed the bomb being destroyed in a
controlled demolition by Royal Navy officers.
"It was a complete shock," Kelly Gravell said. "The story
could have been a lot different had that gone off."
"In the future, we're going to approach [unknown objects on the
beach] with care," she said.
*-- Investigators: New York man pretended to be doctor, prescribed
medication --*
STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. - A 43-year-old former flight attendant was
arrested Friday on charges he pretended to be a medical doctor
and psychologist, allegedly treating more than 100 patients from
his basement apartment for the past three years.
Donald Lee-Edwards, of New York, never graduated medical school
or earned a doctoral degree to be licensed for either profession,
Acting Richmond County District Attorney Daniel Master said. But
he prescribed patients medications and took blood and urine
samples, investigators said.
"He merely bestowed upon himself the professional titles of
clinical psychologist and medical doctor," Master said. "He is
neither trained nor licensed to provide any mental health or
medical services."
Prosecutors said Lee-Edwards had been seeing patients since 2013,
billing himself as having worked "extensively with family members
and victims of 9/11," although it was unclear if he actually did.
Lee-Edwards' attorney Matthew Blum said there is no evidence he
ever harmed anyone.
"They're alleging he was some sort of doctor who was operating on
people," Blum said. "They're turning this guy into a monster. He
was really just trying to help some people in his community."
Investigators said Lee-Edwards came to the attention of law
enforcement after a patient became suspicious of his unorthodox
bedside manner, talking about other patients, bragging he
graduated high school at age 13 and saying he attended law
school.
*-- Autocorrect error puts 'wee blind girl' atop birthday cake --*
HAMILTON, Scotland - A Scottish mom's request for a "wee blonde
girl" atop her daughter's birthday cake led to an unusual cake
topper when autocorrect changed "blonde" to "blind."
Lanarkshire resident Emily Seggie shared a picture on Twitter
of her sister's birthday cake, which was topped with a "wee
blind girl" as a result of her mother's autocorrect mishap
while sending a text message to the baker.
The girl atop the cake has dark hair instead of the intended
blonde and her eyes are closed while she holds a toothpick as
a cane.
"The text must have autocorrected to 'blind girl' and when my
mum went to collect it she was wondering why it wasn't blonde.
They then realized what had happened after checking the text
and decided to leave it on as was funny. Hope no one is
offended," Seggie told Buzzfeed News.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
,''@,
|.~.|
: - :
\-/
.-|\_/)-.
/ | Y -- \
/ /\o /\ \
\ \_|___|_/ /
\_/ \_/
| _ |
| | |
( | )
| | |
Sher^ | | |
|__|__|
(__|__)
>The Tale of Tyrone
Because of his stupidity and clumsiness, his teacher was always
yelling at him,
"You're driving me crazy , Tyrone."
One day Tyrone's mama came to school to check on how he was doing.
The teacher told his mama honestly, that her son was simply a
disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never seen such
a stupid boy in her entire teaching career.
The mom was so shocked at the feedback that she withdrew her son
from school and moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland.
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an almost incurable
cardiac disease. All the doctors strongly advised her to have open
heart surgery, which only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could
perform. Left with no other options, the teacher had to have the
operation, which was successful.
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome young
doctor smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not
talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to
tell him something but quickly died.
The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly.
Then he turned around and saw our friend Tyrone, a janitor in the
Clinic, who had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to
connect his vacuum cleaner.
What? Did you think that Tyrone had become a heart-surgeon?
---
...TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
{politics]
This is reiterating facts that we have pondered for years, but in a
very concise manner. I would love to hear the answers…..
maybe his library will have NOTHING in it! Amazing!
Who can solve this mystery?
THE UNANSWERED MYSTERY OF THE CENTURY!!!
This came from a union guy in Chicago who didn't vote for Obama.Very,
very interesting perspective that I never thought of in this light.
-------------------
It will be interesting to see what they put in his "Presidential
Library" about his early years when he is out of office.
In a country where we take notice of many, many facets of our public
figures' lives, doesn't seem odd that there's so little we know about
our current president, Barack Obama.
For example, we know that Andrew Jackson 's wife smoked a corn cob
pipe and was accused of adultery; Abe Lincoln never went to school;Jack
Kennedy wore a back brace; Harry Truman played the piano.
As Americans, we enjoy knowing details about our newsmakers, but
none of us know one single humanizing fact about the history of our own
president.
We are all aware of the lack of uncontestable birth records for
Obama; that document managing has been spectacularly successful.
There are however, several additional oddities in Obama's history that
appear to be as well managed as the birthing issue.
One other interesting thing...There are no birth certificates of his
daughters that can be found.?
It's interesting that no one who ever dated him has shown up. The
charisma that caused women to be drawn to him so strongly during his
campaign, certainly would in the normal course of events, lead some
lady to come forward, if only to garner some attention for herself.
We all know about JFK's magnetism, that McCain was no monk and
quite a few details about Palin's courtship and even her athletic
prowess, Joe Biden's aneurisms are no secret; look at Cheney and
Clinton, we all know about their heart problems. Certainly Wild Bill
Clinton's exploits before and during his White House years, were well
known. That's why it's so odd that not one lady has stepped up and
said, "He was soooo shy..." or "What a great dancer..."
It's virtually impossible to know anything about this fellow. Who
was the best man at his wedding?Start there. Then check groomsmen.
Then get the footage of the graduation ceremony. Has anyone talked
to the professors? It is odd that no one is bragging that they knew
him or taught him or lived with him.
When did he meet Michele, and how?Are there photos there? Every
president gives to the public all their photos, etc. for their
library, etc. What has he released? And who in heck voted for him to
be the most popular man in 2010?Doesn't this make you wonder?
Ever wonder why no one ever came forward from President Obama's
past saying they knew him, attended school with him, was his friend,
etc?? Not one person has ever come forward from his past.
It certainly is very, very strange...
This should be a cause for great concern. To those who voted for
him, you may have elected an unqualified, inexperienced shadow
man. Have you seen a movie named "The Manchurian Candidate"
As insignificant as each of us might be, someone with whom we went
to school will remember our name or face; someone will remember we
were the clown or the dork or the brain or the quiet one or the bully
or something about us.
George Stephanopoulos of ABC News said the same thing during the 2008
campaign.He questions why no one has acknowledged the president was in
their classroom or ate in the same cafeteria or made impromptu
speeches on campus. Stephanopoulos also was a classmate of Obama at
Columbia -- the class of 1984. He says he never had a single class
with him.
He is such a great orator; why doesn't anyone in Obama's college
class remember him? Why won't he allow Columbia to release his records?
Nobody remembers Obama at Columbia University ....
Looking for evidence of Obama's past,Fox News contacted 400
Columbia University students from the period when Obama claims to
have been there... but none remembered him.
Wayne Allyn Root was, like Obama, a political science major
at Columbia who also graduated in 1983. In 2008, Root says of Obama,
"I don't know a single person at Columbia that knew him, and they all
know me. I don't have a classmate who ever knew Barack Obama at
Columbia, ever."
Nobody recalls him. Root adds that he was also, like Obama, Class of
'83 Political Science, and says, "You don't get more exact or closer
than that. Never met him in my life, don't know anyone who ever met
him. At the class reunion, our 20th reunion five years ago, who was
asked to be the speaker of the class? Me. No one ever heard of
Barack! And five years ago, nobody even knew who he was. The guy who
writes the class notes, who's kind of the, as we say in New York,
'the macha' who knows everybody, has yet to find a person, a human who
ever met him."
Obama's photograph does not appear in the school's year book and
Obama consistently declines requests to talk about his years at
Columbia, provide school records, or provide the name of any former
classmates or friends while at Columbia .
Some other interesting questions:
Why was Obama's law license inactivated in 2002?
it is said there is no record of him ever taking the Bar exam.
Why was Michelle's law license inactivated by court order?
We understand that was forced to avoid fraud charges.
It is circulating that according to the U.S. Census, there is only
one Barack Obama but 27 Social Security numbers and over 80 alias
connected to him. The Social Security number he uses now originated in
Connecticut where he is reported to have never lived. And was
originally registered to another man (Thomas Louis Wood) from
Connecticut, who died in Hawaii while on vacation there. As we all
know Social Security Numbers are only issued 'once, they are not
reused'. No wonder all his records are sealed...
Please continue sending this out. Somewhere, someone has to know
SOMETHING!?!... School? Before he reorganized Chicago?...
SOMETHING!!!
He just seemed to burst upon the Scene at the 2004 Democratic
Convention. ANYONE??? ANYWHERE??? ANYTHING???
---
...LOL! Thanks PatDeE!
They call folks who question his birth a Birther! HaHa! They
knock folks down who talk such crazy talk as this! Loony-Bin
is what they will Say!
According to what is politically correct, Here - this is all
we need to know about Mr.Obama
http://tinyurl.com/3lzn5qm
Oh, and CNN will tell you more...
http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/26/us/barack-obama---fast-facts/
BUT who is to say? They can fake anything they want to these
days. Just ask an illegal alien how he got his papers or the
hackers who sell SS#'s and identities for a couple bucks each.
Not many of us have the time or money to pursue such a thing...
http://tinyurl.com/ljhatlp
Maybe Obama will go down in History as a mystery like UFO's,
Big Foot, and the Loch Ness Monster! At least he'll be famous
for something that didn't cost America an arm and a leg.
===========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
((" ")
<)) <\(>
'\| |\
________/|______| \_________ kOs
A customer walked into our insurance office looking for a
quote. But first I had to lead her through a litany of
questions, including: "Marital status?"
"Well," she began, "I guess you could say we're happy-as
happy as most other couples nowadays."
-<>-
Why A Ship Is Called "SHE"
A ship is called "she" because there is always a great deal
of bustle about her; there is usually a gang of men about',
she has a waist and stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep
her looking good; it is not the initial expense that breaks
you, it is the upkeep; she can be all decked out; it takes
an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a
man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows
her topsides, hides her bottom and, when coming into port,
always heads for the buoys.
-<>-
Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio
they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand
ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum.
The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher
and higher.
I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion,
and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to
ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked
how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been
wearing lately.
"You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied.
"I just threw my wife's credit cards in there."
-<>-
i Track it!
I_-_ '
I(")_____.
<\. ,----~
:/_(
( ,)
uU `-.---U`=
lL (~~/>
- a:f -
Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck
hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out
to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was
really good. But after several hours of thrashing through
the woods, one fellow said, "I don't know about this. We've
been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck. Do
you think we're doing something wrong?"
"I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing
the dog high enough."
-<>-
Rushing to get to the movies, my husband and I told the kids
we had to leave "right now"at which point our teenage
daughter headed for the bathroom to apply makeup. Her dad
yelled for her to get in the car immediately, and headed for
the garage grumbling.
On the way to the multiplex my husband glanced in the rear-
view mirror and caught our teen applying lipstick and blush,
which produced the predictable lecture. "Look at your mom,"
he said. "She didn't put on any makeup just to go sit in a
dark movie theater."
>From the back I heard, "Yeah, but Mom doesn't need makeup."
My heart swelling with the compliment, I turned back to thank
this sweet, wonderful daughter of mine just as she continued,
"Nobody looks at her."
-<>-
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They are appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a
very nice boy."
"Oh, please, Mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice,
would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
-<>-
Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent
25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days
later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night
of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay
on top of them, wearing only a negligee.
As I hoped, I got a reaction from my husband.
When he saw me he shouted, "What are potato chips doing all
over the bed!?"
-<>-
One friend complained to another, "All my husband and I do
anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds."
"If it's that bad, why don't you just leave him?" asked the
second friend.
"I'm seriously considering it, but I'd like to lose another
15 pounds first."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
_.--....
_....---;:'::' ^__/
.' `'`___....---=-'`
/::' (`
\' `:.
`\::. ';-"":::-._ {}
_.--'`\:' .'`-.`'`.' `{I}
.-' `' .;;`\::. '. _: {-I}`\
.' .:. `:: _)::: _;' `{=I}.:|
/. ::::`":::` ':'.-'`':. {_I}::/
|:. ':' ::::: .':'`:. `'|':|:'
\: .:. ''' .:| .:, _:./':.|
jgs '--.:::...---'\:'.:`':`':./
'-::..:::-'
>Rattlesnake Logic
As long as we insist on maintaining the "moral high ground", we will
NEVER win the war on terrorism! We're in a conflict which we
absolutely INSIST in playing by the rules - against a maniacal group
who have NO rules!
Rattlesnake Logic in dealing with terrorists.
After the Boston bombing the news media spent days and weeks trying to
determine why these men did what they did. They want to know what
America did to make these brothers so angry with us.
They want to know why these men were not arrested before they did
something so terrible.
The media is in a tizzy about this new era of homegrown radicals and
about why and how they can live among us and still hate us.
Texan explained it:
Here in west Texas, I have rattlesnakes on my place, living among us.
I have killed a rattlesnake on the front porch. I have killed a
rattlesnake on the back porch.
I have killed rattlesnakes in the barn, in the shop and on the
driveway.
In fact, I kill every rattlesnake I encounter. I kill rattlesnakes
because I know a rattlesnake will bite me and inject me with poison. I
don't stop to wonder WHY a rattlesnake will bite me; I know it WILL
bite me because it's a rattlesnake and that's what rattlesnakes do.
I don't try to reason with a rattlesnake or have a "meaningful
dialogue" with it. I just kill it.
I don't try to get to know the rattlesnake better so I can find a way
to live with the rattlesnakes and convince them not to bite me. I
just kill them.
I don't quiz a rattlesnake to see if I can find out where the other
snakes are, because (a) it won't tell me and (b) I already know they
live on my place. So, I just kill the rattlesnake and move on to the
next one.
I don't look for ways I might be able to change the rattlesnake to a
non-poisonous rat snake. I just kill it. Oh, and on occasion, I
accidentally kill a rat snake because I thought it was a rattlesnake
at the time.
Also, I know for every rattlesnake I kill, two more are lurking out
there in the brush. In my lifetime I will never be able to rid my place
of rattlesnakes.
Do I fear them? Not really. Do I respect what they can do to me and my
family?
Yes! And because of that respect, I give them the fair justice they
deserve. I kill them.
As a country, we should start giving more thought to the fact that
these jihadists' are telling the world their goal is to kill Americans
and destroy our way of life. They have posted graphic videos on the
internet showing them beheading Americans. They are serious. They are
exactly like rattlesnakes. It is high time for us to start acting
accordingly!
I love this country. It's the darn government I'm afraid of! Why?
Look who's new in our government! Lots of Muslims...
This is flat-out scary! The foxes are now officially living in the
hen house. Now ask me why I am very concerned! Do you feel OK
with this? How can this happen? - and when will we wake up? We are
quiet while our country is being drastically changed!
---
...LOL! Hard to reason with that Texas mentality! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
__
.-'||'-.
.' || '.
/ __||__ \
| /`- -`\ |
| | 6 6 | |
\/\____7___/\/
.--------:\:I:II:I:/;--------.
/ \`:I::I:`/ \
| `------' |
| \____/ |
| , __ ___ , |
|======| / | / _ \ |======|
|======| ^| | | | | | |======|
|~~~~~| | | | |_| | |~~~~~|
| |\ [___] \___/ /| |
\ \| |/ /
`\ \ _ _.-=""=-._ _ / /'
`\ '`_)\\-++++-//(_`' /'
jgs ; (__|| ||__) ;
; ___\ /___ ;
'. ---/-=..=-\--- .'
`""` `""`
>Washington Redskins
Dear Mr. Page.
I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by
the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue
that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would
exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to
offend, and in the spirit of liberal political correctness and
courtesy, we must move forward.
,
/|\
/./|
_____ /\/-;
.'_/__.`\/./
/\--/\--._\<
// \ / \ `\\_
_//_0 /__0\ /,\
( .-.(__, _`_ _/
\\ : : :`:'/ |
';:_:_:.'`_.'
jgs '-----'`
Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the
Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference
the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the
Cleveland Browns.
)\-"```-,_
/. _ `"-._
_`-c_/_'. `\ , `"-._
(_.--` '-_;-' \ `"-.
(_.-----'`-.._ `\._
`\ `\'._
`'. '._'._
`'---, `._'-._
jgs `-._/'--'
The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of
militant Blacks from the 60's alive. Gone. It's offensive to us white
folk.
The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a
team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference
to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men's lives.
I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion
among our sports team names...
Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles
Angels or the San Diego Padres.
,
, |\ ,__
|\ \/ `.
\ `-.:. `\
`-.__ `\=====|
/=`'/ ^_\
.' /\ .=)
.-' .'| '-(/_|
.' __( \ .'`
/_.'` `. |`
jgs \ |
|/
Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and
pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the
Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!
Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message
to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting
or even spending habits. Wrong message to our children.
The Cincinnati Reds promote downers / barbiturates. Wrong message to
our children.
_, . '__ .
'_(_0o),(__)o().
,o(__),_)o(_)O,(__)o
o(_,-o(_ )(),(__(_)oO)_
.O(__)o,__).(_ )o(_)Oo_)
.----| | | | | |_)0
/ .--| | | | | |,_)
| / | | | | | |o(_)
| | | | | | | |_/`)
| | | | | | | |O_)
| | | | | | | |
| \ | | | | | |
\ '--| | | | | |
'----| | | | | |
| | | | | |
jgs \ \ \ / / /
`"""""""""""""""""`
The Milwaukee Brewers. Well that goes without saying. Wrong message
to our children.
So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out
to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become
involved with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of thing the
“Do-Nothing” Congress loves.
___
.=" "=._.---.
." c ' Y'`p
/ , `. w_/
jgs | '-. / /
_,..._| )_-\ \_=.\
`-....-'`------)))`=-'"`'"
As a diehard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in
mind, suggest it might also make some sense to change the name of the
Oregon State women's athletic teams to something other than "the
Beavers."
---
...LMAO! It gets really ridiculous doesn't it? Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
.-'--.
.' '.
/ _ `-.
/ .\- \, ,
; .-|-' \####,
|, .-|-' ;####
,## ` ,|###"
#,####, "#, ,#|^;#
`###### `#####,|##" |`)|
`##### ```o\`\o_.| ;\
(-`\#, .-'` |` : `;
`\ ;\#, \ \-'
)( \# C,_ \ ;
(_, \ / `'./ |
\ / | .-`'--'`. |
jgs | ( \ , /_, |
\ ` `` /
'-.__ // .'
`'`.__.'
>Oh No - More Groaners...
Bill Clinton was driving past the White House when he accidentally ran
over the Obama’s dog crushing it flat as a fritter. He climbed out of
his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught. He knew
Michele would go friggin' ballistic.
Then he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, brushed
it off and immediately a Genie popped out. "You have freed me from
thousands of years of imprisonment," said the Genie "As a reward I
shall grant you one wish."
"Well," said Bill, "I have all the material things I need, but let me
show you this darned dog."
They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog. "Do you think you
could bring this guy back to life for me?" Bill asked. The Genie
looked at the remains and shook his head. "This critter is too far
gone for even me to bring it back to life. Maybe there's something else
you'd like?"
Bill thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two
photos. "I had an affair with this beautiful young girl," said Bill,
showing the genie the first photo. "But I’m actually married to this
woman" and he showed the genie the second photo. "You see my wife isn't
very beautiful at all, so do you think you can make her look like the
other woman?"
The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said,
"Darn, let's have another look at that dog!"
-<>-
.-=-.
/.-=-.\
||_____||
||. .||
|| ||
/ |\_-_/| \
/ |=====| \
| |\_._/| |
jgs `--.| T |.--'
Cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY
handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her in the rear view mirror.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend
you.
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
And have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear
just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or
ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have
to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and
Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker
blush.
When they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and
I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween
party."
-<>-
A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She
said, For being such an exemplary married couple and for being
loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a
wish.'
.-''-.
( \ )
( .----. )
( )'/ '( )
`\ -- /`
`)(`
/`\/`\
/ \
/ \_/\_/ \
\ \ / /
\/\ /\/
))) (((
| |
| |
|_____|
\ | /
jgs )|(
/-T-\
(_/`\_)
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my
darling husband!'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the
Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
.---.
(_,/\ \
(`a a( )
) \= ) (
(.--' '--.)
/ ( \_/ ) \
| / \ / \ |
\\ /~~~\ //
\/ \/
| |
| |
|_______|
( (
|\ \
jgs | \ \
/_Y/_Y
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic,
but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love,
but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a
wish.
_[____]_
( '7')
__)(^_
/ ,C^D,\
/ /||:||\\
\ \|/:\|//
`\\~~~|/
,##\7|\ \
|#| \ \
|#| / /
jgs |#|/_/
|#|\ \
(#_\`'
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!... The husband became 92
years old.
The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful b's should remember fairies are female!
SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH ...
AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT!
-<>-
_________ .-----------------------------.
////////\\\ (Let's play the President Game! )
// __ __ \\ /'-----------------------------'
// (()) (()) \\
(_ (___) _)
\ \_____/ /
`-._ _.-'
__.-)_(-,__
./' \_\_/_/ `\.
/ > | //\ | < \
/ \ | |/| | / \
/ |\ | |/| | /| \
/ /| \ | |/| | / |\ \
( ( | \| |/| |/ | ) )
\ \| Y |/| Y |/ /
\ | o| |/| |- | /
`\ | | `^` | | /'
`| o|=[Ll=|- |'
| / \ |
~~|` \ `|~~
>Famous Presidential Lies Contest
Written by, To The Point News
LBJ:
We were attacked (in the Gulf of Tonkin )
Nixon:
I am not a crook
GHW Bush:
.. Read my lips - No New Taxes
Clinton:
.. I did not have s with that woman... Miss Lewinski
GW Bush:
.. Iraq has weapons of mass destruction
Obama:
.. I will have the most transparent administration in history.
.. C-span will cover it - no closed doors!
.. The stimulus will fund shovel-ready jobs.
.. I am focused like a laser on creating jobs.
.. The IRS is not targeting anyone.
.. It was a spontaneous riot about a movie.
.. I will put an end to the type of politics that "breeds division,
conflict and cynicism".
.. You didn't build that!
.. I will restore trust in Government.
.. The Cambridge cops acted stupidly.
.. The public will have 5 days to look at every bill that lands on my
desk
.. It's not my red line - it is the world's red line.
.. Whistle blowers will be protected in my administration.
.. We got back every dime we used to rescue the banks and auto
companies, with interest.
.. I am not spying on American citizens.
.. Obama Care will be good for America ..
.. You can keep your family doctor.
.. Premiums will be lowered by $2500.
.. If you like it, you can keep your current healthcare plan.
.. It's just like shopping at Amazon.
.. I knew nothing about "Fast and Furious" gunrunning to Mexican drug
cartels.
.. I knew nothing about IRS targeting conservative groups.
.. I knew nothing about what happened in Benghazi .
.. I have never known my uncle from Kenya who is in the country
illegally and that was arrested and told to leave the country over 20
years ago.
.. And, I have never lived with that uncle. He finally admitted
(12-05-2013) that he DID know his uncle and that he DID live with him.
.. If elected I promise not to renew the Patriot Act.
.. If elected I will end the war in Iraq and Afghanistan within the 1st
9 months of my term.
.. I will close Guantanamo within the first 6 months of my term.
.. I will bridge the gap between black and white and between America
and other countries.
And the biggest one of all:
.. "I, Barrack Hussein Obama, pledge to preserve, protect and defend
the Constitution of the United States of America ."
I believe we have a winner
---
...Oh My! LOL! Argh!!! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
0_
\`. ___
\ \ / __>0
/\ / |/' /
/ \/ ` ,`'--.
/ /(___________)_ \
|/ //.-. .-.\\ \ \
0 // :@ ___ @: \\ \/
( o ^(___)^ o ) 0 It's Silly Blonde Time!
\ \_______/ /
jgs '._______.'
>7 Degrees Of Being Blonde...
FIRST DEGREE:
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said
'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the
coast is clear.'
SECOND DEGREE:
Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks
familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So, the first blonde hands
her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she
finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun and, as she does so, she is
overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?'
The blonde replies,'Oh, that's easy .. it's W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US
government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the
decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the
blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his
dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman!'
EVEN IF YOU ARE BLONDE YOU HAVE TO LOVE THIS:
Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded
up with rolls of sod.
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced #1 Blonde.
"Do what?" asked #2 Blonde.
"Send my lawn out to be mowed."
---
...LOL! Rich! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
_,,,_ _
/////\\ _ |\ | \|\ _
// e e \\ / `|~\|_/|~\|_) _
(" > ") _ \_, |_)|_)
\\.=-=.// \/ ) _ |\ / | \|\
\--\\\7///--/ /\/ _ |_)|~\ |~\
/`--`"""`--'\/ / |_)| \
/ : \ / |\ |_)
\ '-.,_ `-' |~\
`-._/__)======_____,
jgs ((=====))
_ |`"""`| _//
`\,_('> |= | (')
\~_) |= | ( '-.
-'= `-...-` _/-_(_)o
>Bucket List?
We are getting older and our tickers aren't what they used to be...
so here is Our Special Bucket List for the rest of 2015 & 2016...
HERE IS ALL WE WANT..
1. Obama: Good bye!
2. Put "GOD" back in America!!!
3. Borders: Closed!
4. Congress: On the same retirement & healthcare plans as everybody else.
5. Congress: Obey its own laws NOW!
6. Language: English only!
7. Culture: Constitution, and the Bill of Rights!
8. Drug Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before & during Welfare!
9. NO freebies to Non-Citizens!
10. Balance the budget.
11. Stop giving away our money to foreign countries!
Charge them for our help! We need it here.
12. Fix the TAX CODE!
And most of all.
13. "RESPECT OUR MILITARY AND OUR FLAG!!"
We the people are coming!
Only 86% will send this on.
Should be a 100%.
What will you do?
---
...Oh Yeah! Thanks Geniann!
I'll add one too...
14. White House: No special interest groups or lobbyists to
bribe our politicians for their votes!
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Moses Bridge!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mosesbridge.html
Floating Hotel!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fhotel.html
Extreme Homes!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exhomes.html
Colorful Birds 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birds2.html
Romantic Castles!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/castles.html
Fairy Tale Homes!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fairytale.html
Beautiful Flowers!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bflowers.html
Festival Of Citrus!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orangefest.html
Rarely Seen Africa!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/africa.html
Dick Clark's House!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dclark.html
Disney Tree Of Life!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneytree.html
Transparent Butterfly!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/butterfly.html
Scientists Unveil New Species!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newspecies.html
Amazing Homes Around The World!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahouse.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
Supercook: recipe search by ingredients you have at home
http://www.supercook.com/#/recipes/All%20recipes
Recipes - The Official Website for Chef Bobby Fla
http://bobbyflay.com/recipes/recipes/149/apple-dutch-baby
Hand feeding Hummingbirds
https://www.youtube.com/embed/EUEZkwJulBY
When The Horse Approached The Dog, I Didn't Expect It To
React Like This
http://qpolitical.com/horse-approached-dog-didnt-expect-react-like/
---
...Great Links! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
THE DAY ELVIS PRESLEY DIED::(rare footage)::ELVIS DEATH AND
LAST DAY ON EARTH
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z53QPw2v-7o
Magician Hans Klok and the 'Divas of Magic' break a new record,
performing 15 illusions in 5 minutes at the French TV show
"The World's Greatest Cabaret.'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=BCJhRfwylSI
Tsetseglen Odgerel from Mongolia with a beautiful performance of
amazing flexibility and graceful movement.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19KsavjatHQ&feature=player_embedded
---
...Beautiful! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
Candidate House Owned by Whom?
Guess who owns which house?
Guess???
You will be surprised!
Yep. it's true...
https://www.youtube.com/embed/3L5hn5B8TYI
---
...No surprise to me! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"According to researchers in London, babies are born to dance,
and they greatly prefer music to speech. The music they like
best is Lady Gaga." -Jay Leno
"A survey has found that 26 percent of people admit to texting
while driving. The other 74 percent admitted to texting while
being hit by a car." -Jimmy Fallon
"New York City now offers free pedestrian maps. I went up to
one of those maps - this was really spooky - and it said
'You are here.' And I said to myself, 'How did it know?'"
-David Letterman
"Tourism officials in Paris have launched a campaign to
make Paris friendlier to tourists. First step? Kick out the
French." -Jay Leno
"Apple's new operating system lets users give Siri a male-
sounding voice. The sad part is that every time you ask
him a question, he says, 'Let me ask my wife' and then it's
right back to the female voice." -Conan O'Brien
"A company in Japan has a new watch with a built-in
breathalyzer that can tell you if you're drunk. It would
probably work better if the watch didn't always list the
time as '5 o'clock somewhere.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"The Consumer Protection Agency has recalled 96,000 Jeep
Liberty baby strollers because there is a problem with the
tires blowing out. How fat are our kids getting when they're
blowing out tires on their baby strollers?" -Jay Leno
"'World War Z' just came out. It took a long time to film.
It had to undergo a couple of rounds of reshoots. In the
original version, instead of zombies, it was cats. But that
was too scary for everybody." -Craig Ferguson
"A survey found that 61 percent of people are more afraid
of outliving their money than dying. The other 39 percent
have already outlived their money and have faked their own
death to avoid creditors." -Jay Leno
"NASA is challenging Americans to help them figure out a
better way to find threatening asteroids. Americans said,
'What do we get if you pick our idea?' And NASA said, 'To
live.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"Did you see the pictures of Obama and Putin at the G-8
summit? It was like Thanksgiving with your relatives. The
problem there is they have nothing to say to one another
because they've been bugging each other's phones."
-Dave Letterman
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
************************************************************************
>TO SUBSCRIBE:
Visit Here
This Weeks regular Shangy emails
OR
For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
************************************************************************