Pop Goes The Bubble Wrap - NOT! ... :) Shangy!
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or email me here:
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================
*~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND For Google Plus Users:
You can find me here... Shangy Bigham
https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
*~* Prayers For Our Friends In The Recent Snow Storm Areas.
May God Keep You Safe And Warm Through Jesus Christ, Amen!
Thankfully most of Ohio where I live was spared.
-<>-
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Our first sizzling hot new page is from our friend Geniann.
This one I found quite interesting considering how society
was some 40-175 years ago. A woman was pretty much expected
to be a housewife and mother and not much of anything else.
These women really showed how amazing they were considering
how oppressed they were! Check this out here...
.--------------------
|
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Brilliant Women Inventors!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womeninventors.html
---
...So many favs here, it's hard to choose! Thanks Geniann!
I remember working with Paul in our computer and game
repair business. If I fixed a machine while he was gone,
there was total shock by our regular customers that I did
it that they hardly believed it! Their attitude surprised
me. People figured I was just a secretary or something until
I started explaining to them that Paul's 'hardware' and I'm
'software'. That normally helped them accept me better. Sad
what women had to do back then. Our software publishers/
distributors however, were not so naive. They accepted me
without question.
Our next awesome newbie is from our friends Linda and Geniann.
This one blew my mind simply because it is yet another thing
I had no idea existed! Building architecture and artistic
design has always intrigued me. This one is simply by far an
amazing work! If you haven't seen it, you are in for a real
treat! Check this one out here...
J J ""L L J J J----"""J""---__
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\ J L""----____ __---""J__--=----_E_ /
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Singapore's Sky Park!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/skypark.html
---
...Wow! Love to visit it in person! Thanks Ladies!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
.-""-.. __ .--.
.-.`( > ""- ,)_ ( (
`_( > ~<| 0)-')')---')
-."_( > ~<`-" " " vV
-._( > -._ < .___.Y'
`._( > `._( (( .
'-._( > '-._( \\__^_^,';
.-( > ~< .-.-.-./
'--._( > { v V Y
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"-< > \ (PS)
Mrs. O'Henry was talking to her husband one night about their son
and his allowance.
"Well, darling," said Mr. O'Henry, "I had a long talk with him
last week about the value of a dollar."
"I know," she replied, "the other day he asked for his allowance
in Yen."
-<>-
A group of prosperous businessmen were dining at the Sam's Hotel
in Las Vegas.
"Seems to me you are getting a little slimmer," remarked one.
"I should be!" replied the other, "I went on one of those high
protein diets. Nothing but expensive steaks and chops. And would
you believe it - in just two weeks I lost thirty dollars!"
-<>-
A blonde was driving her car home one night when she suddenly
found herself in the middle of a really bad hail storm. The hail
stones were as big as golf balls. Her car was dented badly.
The next day she took it to a repair shop. The repair guy,
noticing that she was blonde, decided to have some fun. He told
her to blow into the tail pipe really hard when she got home,
and the dents would pop out. When she got home she started blowing
into the tail pipe, and her blonde girl friend saw her.
Her friend was startled and said, "What are you doing?"
She told her the repair guy had told her to blow into the tail
pipe really hard and the dents would pop out.
Her blonde girl friend said, "Well duhhhh..you need to roll up
the windows first."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
January 25 is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day and Opposite Day
http://www.askmen.com/news/entertainment/new-bubble-wrap-won-t-pop.html
January 26 is Spouse's Day
January 27 is Chocolate Cake Day and Punch the Clock Day
January 28 is Data Privacy, Fun at Work and National Kazoo Day
January 29 is National Puzzle Day and National Cornchip Day
January 30 is National Inane Answering Message Day
January 31 is Backward Day and Inspire Your Heart with Art Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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\ | ______o | _/| | | | _______
| _ | | | |/_\| |//| || |_______ _______
| /_\| | | ||#|\ |/ | || | ~~~ | | |
| |#|| |______| ||_| \ | |\ ||__ |___ _ | | |
/|_||_~________| \ | / / / \ |__ |#|-| |_ ___|
/ \______/ \|/ /| | | |_ |##__| | |_|## |
/__________________________/|| | | | ||____| |_______|
||/oooooooo oo oo| /| / \/\ | | |_||
\/ooooooooo_oo_oo|/_U/ \ \ \____/ |__|
/____________________________\ \__||__ |
\/ \ |
/ |__|
_| /___|
O) \______/
m1a // \\
// \\
O) O
>Drawbacks of Working in a Cubicle
* Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing
who's behind you.
* The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.
* Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
* When you quit and walk out, there's no door to slam.
* Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box
all day long.
* The carpet has been there since 1976 (or older) and shows more
signs of life than your coworkers.
* If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle
inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say, "What? I didn't
hear you."
* You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by
the time you turn to look they're gone.
* 23 power cords - 1 outlet. (This last one is my favorite - Tom)
-<>-
>Mathematicians in a Bar
Two male mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the
second that the average person knows very little about basic
mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people
can cope with a reasonable amount of math.
The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence
the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few
minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask
her a question. All she has to do is answer "one third x cubed."
She repeats "one thir -- dex cue"?
He repeats "one third x cubed".
She repeats "one thir dex cuebd?" "
Yes, that's right," he says.
So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex
cuebd...".
The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his
point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says
he will ask the waitress an integral, and the first laughingly
agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks "what is the
integral of x squared?".
The waitress says "one third x cubed" and while walking away, turns
back and says over her shoulder "plus a constant!"
-<>-
>Software Engineering
In a recent computer software engineering course, the participants
were given an awkward question to answer:
If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of
programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how
many of you would disembark immediately?
Among the many raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked
what HE would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay
on board. With his team's software, he reasoned, the plane was
unlikely to even taxi as far as the end of the runway, let alone
leave the ground!
-<>-
>Buying a TV
I had just about decided to buy the television set whose attributes
the young salesman had been extolling. He concluded by saying it
carried only a one-year warranty but that I could buy a five-year
warranty at an additional cost.
I won't buy anything that doesn't carry at least a five-year warranty
and so turned to leave.
The salesman asked me to please stay while he consulted with his
boss. "By the way," he continued, "may I ask how old you are?"
"Eighty-three," I replied.
He returned a moment later smiling. "We'll give you a lifetime warranty."
-<>-
>Missing Dog
One overcast evening I passed the principal of our local high school
who was out looking for his missing dog, a Collie and real Lassie
look-alike.
He told me the dog often ran away, so he had put a metal tag on its
collar asking that anyone finding the dog send it home in a taxi.
A few days later I again met the principal, and he told me that as he
was trudging home during a downpour that night, his snug and dry dog
had passed him in a taxi.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
>SMILES
.---.
/==()=\
#_ _#
( e` `e )
| U |
\ = /
|\___/|
___/: :\___
/` < `\ /` > `\
/ `\ |_| /` \
; [MD] \| |/ |I! ;
jgs | | | |"""| |
| | \ / \___/ |
| | Y | |
The hunch-backed man decided very reluctantly, that he should go
see a doctor. A few too many people have started to comment on
his back.
Doctor: "I need for you to get undressed, sir. (Hunchback removes
jacket and then stops)
Hunchback: "I really don't like getting undressed, doctor."
Doctor: "If you want me to examine your back, you'll have to get
undressed. (Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his t-shirt
on.)
Hunchback: "I don't like showing people my back. They always
laugh at me."
Doctor: "Do you want me to examine your back or not?" (Very
reluctantly, the hunchback removes his t-shirt.)
Doctor: "Ah...just how long is it since you were in school?"
Hunchback: "Gosh, over 20 years, Doctor. Why?
Doctor: "Did you ever wonder all those years what happened to
your backpack?
---------
I was a New York state employee and after nine years of
dedicated service they fired me for no reason. One day they
just marched into my office, woke me up, and told me to go
home.
---------
A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska
-a trip that the husband had long dreamed of taking. He
kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log
cabin without electricity, to hunt moose, and drive a dog
team instead of a car.
"If we decided to live there permanently, away from
civilization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his
wife.
She replied, "You!
---------
The big three auto makers in Detroit were considering putting
the high-beam dimmer switch back down on the floor, so they
decided to take a poll. Among those polled were 1000 blondes.
The most frequent response was: "Well how the heck am I
supposed to reach for it way down there?
---------
_
_ H
/ \ / \
\( | | | .-|
OOOO| | | |_|
___OOOO|_|_|___|_
|____OO___________|
j/\/\/O/\/\/\/\/\/|
g\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\|
s/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/|
\\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
`'============='`
On my way to a church picnic, I stopped at a fast-food place to
order a quart of potato salad.
"We don't sell it by the quart," the clerk snapped.
"Okay, then give me two pints, please," I replied.
I'm proud to say I held my tongue when she asked, "Do you want
it in one container?"
---------
>WHAT'S FOR DINNER?
Can't eat beef: Mad cow
Can't eat chicken: Bird flu
Can't eat eggs: Salmonella
Can't eat pork: Trichinosis
Can't eat fish: Mercury
Can't eat fruits: Insecticides
Can't eat greens: E. Coli
Can't eat veggies: GMO
Can't eat grains: Herbicides
Can't eat potatoes, pasta, bread, rice: Carbs
Hmm... I believe that leaves... Chocolate!!
--------
>Art Of Falling Apart
There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick's Vapor-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my name's not there, I'll once again start-
Perfecting the art of falling apart.
--------
_,.---,_
,-" '.
/ \
| , |
| / '-..____.;
\_ | /a/a(
(` _)
`\ ,__. /
`;-.___.'
_.| |
.' `-._\-.
>HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
(written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you
like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she
should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going
to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find
out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER
by then.
-- Camille, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling
at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to
know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen
long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that
usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead
columns.
-- Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to
mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should
marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is.......
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like
a truck.
---
...LOL! My Truck Wife - My Oh My! Thanks LouiseA!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
>Jokes
__,__
.--. .-" "-. .--.
/ .. \/ .-. .-. \/ .. \
| | '| / Y \ |' | |
| \ \ \ 0 | 0 / / / |
\ '- ,\.-"`` ``"-./, -' /
`'-' /_ ^ ^ _\ '-'`
| \._ _./ |
\ \ `~` / /
jgs '._ '-=-' _.'
'~---~'
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when
she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.
The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San
Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my
truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that
have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed
already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could
you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100
for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the
blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and
off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart
of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde
walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much
to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he
pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take
these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left
over so now we're going to Sea World."
-<>-
>AS I AGE, I REALIZE THAT:
1. I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert advice.
2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.
3. I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing
me off.
4. My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots
that needs work.
5. The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that
down, I'll remember it."
6. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it's
like a mini vacation..
7. The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to
think about.
8. Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
9. Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer
for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.
10. At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and
remembering what I came in there for.
-<>-
.-"-.
_/_-.-_\_
/ __> <__ \
/ // " \\ \ see no evil...
/ / \'---'/ \ \
jgs \ \_/`"""`\_/ /
\ /
>Feeling Fine
How am I? I'm feeling fine
but then I know you can read
between the lines.
With eyes that are dimming
ears straining to hear, stumble
when walking, keeping a cane near..
Trouble when peeing, will it come out
or not? or will it come when not expected?
Oops, didn't make it to the pot.
The botched hemorrhoid operation I had
years ago. makes a daily enema and my
"Miral-lax" a must for a painless go.
The "Small bowl resection" I had was a
must. But the problems it caused me
is something to discuss.
The numbness in my legs, fingers and hands, with
a tongue that can't taste food, no matter how good.
make steak or hot dogs...taste just like.. only food.
So I'll keep saying, "I'm feeling fine,
can't complain" when so many are worse off
and need more than a cane.
Now, when you hear me say "I'm feeling fine and
then you read between the lines, also know that
I am feeling blessed.
God has only given me
what he knows I can handle
...no more....no less.
By: Ken Krueger
---
...LOL! Good ones! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>Latest News From...
Liberty News
http://tinyurl.com/jk747ee
Right Alerts
http://rightalerts.com/
TPNN
http://www.tpnn.com/
Conservative Tribune
While Nation Braces For Winter Storm, Senate Sneaks In Bill
To Allow For Military Martial Law
http://conservativetribune.com/senate-sneaks-bill-martial-law/
Mom Left Age Five Daughter With 18-Month Baby, Found THIS On
Her Camera!
http://tinyurl.com/z5fm6b8
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
There is something about animal cruelty that really sets me
off. I'm the kind of guy who thinks that casual marijuana
users shouldn't have to face jail time, but the guy in
today's story I would show no hesitation in putting away.
According to a police report, deputies in West Palm Beach,
Fla. received an anonymous call from someone who claimed to
have seen a man "kicking and throwing his dog around." The
caller believed that the man was going to kill the dog.
The responding deputy found 28-year-old Javier Orelly
"digging a grave in front of his apartment," the report
said. Next to the grave was the body of a large black dog
without a head. The decapitated head was resting on top of
two rocks.
The deputy saw "two large knives, a small ax and some money"
on a red towel. Behind the dog's head was a piece of the
dead animal's skin attached to a stick. Below it was a
carving with the word "tortura" in large letters.
According to the report, Orelly initially said the dog bit
him, but he later changed his story and said "the dog looked
at him weird, so he stabbed it in the neck."
A dead duck was also found next to the dog. Orelly said he
also killed the duck. According to the report, "Orelly was
stressed out and needed to sacrifice animals to cleanse
himself."
Apparently he never heard of Xanax, or a couple stiff shots
of whiskey, or a massage, or pretty much anything other than
torturing a couple of helpless animals. With any luck maybe
he'll try decapitating himself the next time he feels stressed.
Orelly was arrested and faces two counts of animal cruelty.
*-- Bungee-Aided Ski Jump Attempt Ends in Disaster --*
FREDERICTON, New Brunswick - A group of Canadian daredevils
using bungee cords to aid their ski jumps caught video of a
high-speed crash caused by doubling up on bungees. The video,
posted by James Fitzpatrick, shows a skier in Fredericton,
New Brunswick, attempt to use two 20-foot banshee bungee
cords to propel him over a ski jump. The skier's high speed
quickly sends him out of control, and he can be seen falling
backside-first toward the earth. The uploader jokingly titled
the video, "Death by Banshee Bungee," but the skier was not
injured. "We decided one 20 foot long banshee bungee wasn't
enough speed to clear the gap, we doubled up and used two 20
footers.... this crash was the result!" Fitzpatrick wrote.
*-- Veteran Uses Wheelchair to Plow Snow --*
BELLEVUE, Neb. - A Nebraska veteran is continuing to serve
his country and turning heads locally by converting his
wheelchair into a snowplow for sidewalks. Justin Anderson,
an Iraq War veteran living in Bellevue, was given an off-road
wheelchair by the Independence Fund charity to help him get
around after his leg was amputated, and he decided to use the
gift to help others in his community. "I don't want kids or
parents having to go through the snow and possibly trip or
hurt themselves," Anderson said. "I had a half-dozen people
stop to take a picture because they hadn't seen a chair like
this before." Anderson said he first fitted the snow blade to
his chair last year. "The chair has on-the-fly tilt so I can
adjust the height of the blade as I push snow," he said.
Anderson said he enjoys the opportunity to give back to the
community.
*-- N. Korea Claims to Invent Hangover-Free Booze --*
Kim Jong-un's scientists claim to have invented an alcohol
that won't give you a hangover, it's been reported. The
liquor is apparently made from plant extract ginseng and
the sugar is replaced with burnt rice, which supposedly
eliminates both bitterness and a hangover, according to
North Korean media. Named Koryo Liquor, it has been
produced at Taedonggang Foodstuff Factory, a company that
has spent years refining the drink in the country, the
state controlled Pyongyang Times reports. However the
'hangover-free' claims have been disputed with experts
claiming there is no such thing. Andray Abrahamian,
director of research from Choson Exchange, told NK News:
"There are some high quality liquors made in North Korea,
though in my experience there is no such thing as hangover-
free booze anywhere in the world." He added that he hadn't
tried the brand but associated the drink with medicinal
properties and isn't that keen on it as a "tasty treat".
*---- Live Shark Found in Florida Swimming Pool ----*
LAKE WORTH, Fla. -- A condominium resident in Florida was
met with a shock when she discovered a live shark in the
building's pool. The five-foot black tip shark was found
in the Mariner's Cay condominium pool in Lake Worth and
removed by Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission
officers. The woman also reported seeing two men running
from the scene at the time of her discovery (two A-holes,
rather, who either don't know or don't care that sharks
don't like chlorine) and an FWC officer contacted management
after noticing surveillance camera's in the area. "This
incident is the focus of an ongoing investigation," FWC
spokesperson Rob Klepper said. The shark was released into
the Intracoastal Waterway after being removed from the pool.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
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/ |____| |____|
jgs \__/ \__/
My friend has a bad habit of overdrawing her bank account.
One day before we went shopping, I complained about my lack
of funds and lamented, "Guess I'll use plastic."
Unconcerned, she whipped out her checkbook and said: "I'm
using rubber."
-<>-
I was recently talking with a friend who bemoaned her
family's lack of holiday rituals. "My family doesn't have
any traditions," she complained. "We just do the same
thing year after year after year."
-<>-
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if
there is a memento of some sort inside.
"Yes," says Sally, "a lock of my husband's hair."
"But Larry's still alive."
"I know, but his hair is gone."
-<>-
I was in small-claims court when I listened in on the case
of a woman who held a good job but still had trouble paying
her bills on time.
"Can't you live within your income?" asked the judge.
"No, Your Honor," she said. "It's all I can do to live with-
in my credit."
-<>-
I was the nurse caring for a couple's newborn first child, a
son, after his cesarean birth. Since the mother was asleep
under general anesthesia we took our tiny charge directly to
the newborn nursery to introduce him to his daddy. While
cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed the baby's
ears conspicuously standing out from his head. He expressed
his concern that some kids might call his son names like
"Dumbo." The pediatrician reassured the new dad that his son
was healthy, the ears could be easily corrected during
childhood.
The father still worried about his wife's reaction to thos
large protruding ears. "She doesn't take things as easily
as I do," he worried.
By this time, the new mother was ready to meet her precious
son. I placed the tiny bundle in his mother's arms and eased
the blanket back so that she could gaze upon her child for
the first time.
She took one look at her baby's face and looked to her
husband and gasped, "Oh, Honey! Look! He has your ears!"
-<>-
A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled
upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?"
Shouting back, the woman replies, "For crying out loud, Ed,
I've been telling you for the last half hour...I'll be ready
in a minute!"
-<>-
__
_ /_ `\
/`_`\ |/ `-.|
( / \ ) \^_^/
)\^_^/( __> <__
(_.> <._) '-' `\
jgs / \_/ \ \
>Differences between men and women
1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and
Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and
Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each
throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of
them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit
they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but
it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom
is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these
items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new
argument.
6.CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men
kick cats.
7. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get
the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
8. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
9. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
10. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and
she does.
-<>-
To get his mind off his losing streak at the racetrack, I
took my friend horseback riding. Being a novice, he freaked
when his mount took off.
"How do I stop?" he yelled.
"Bet on it!" I hollered back.
=========================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
>Andy Says... Just Think About This!
_.-^~~^^^`~-,_,,~''''''```~,''``~'``~,
______,' -o :. _ . ; ,'`, `.
( -\.._,.;;'._ ,( } _`_-_,, `, `,
``~~~~~~' ((/'((((____/~~~~~~'(,(,___> `~'
joe schmuck
** On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said,
"Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out."
** Don't pray for rain if you're going to complain about the mud!
** To teach is to understand. To learn is wisdom. To learn
together is understanding wisdom. -- Sid Mendenhall
** "I have a dog that's half pit bull, half poodle. Not much
of a guard dog, but a vicious gossip." --Craig Shoemaker
** "I just bought a microwave fireplace...You can spend a whole
evening in front of it in only eight minutes." -Steven Wright
** "No matter how much money you make, you always need an extra
$40 a week. I think it was Einstein who first said: 'Expense
equals salary plus forty bucks.'" --Jeffrey Jena
** Texas A&M student to friend: "I got some bad news today:
You know the money I get from those little ATM machines?
It comes from MY account!"
Q: Why doesn't Sweden export cattle?
A: Because it wants to keep its Stockholm
Q: What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic
and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stays awake all night wondering about the
meaning of dog.
-<>-
The then Secretary of State, the Honorable Colin Powell, was asked
during a recent trip he had made to the UN in New York by an Iraqi
news reporter: "Is it true that only 13 percent of young Americans
can even find Iraq on the map?" The Secretary turned to the reporter
with a smile and said: "Yes, that's true. But the sad news for Iraq
is that the 13 percent are all United States Marines!"
-<>-
>The Secret Of How To Away From It All
Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends
relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their
peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome,
visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure
themselves some privacy.
Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door
of their RV:
"Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package."
-<>-
>A Groaner For Sure
In a small business office they have an answering machine
that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and
to spell any difficult words.
Early one Monday the secretary was reviewing the weekend
messages and she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite
her name and address and then confidently offer, "My dif-
ficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."
-<>-
____
_[____]_
( '7')
__)(^_
/ ,C^D,\
/ /||:||\\
\ \|/:\|//
`\\~~~|/
,##\7|\ \
|#| \ \
|#| / /
jgs |#|/_/
|#|\ \
(#_\`'
>Geezer Exam - write down your answers...
1. In the 1940's, where were automobile headlight dimmer
switches located?
a. On the floor shift knob
b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch
c. Next to the horn
2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it.
For what was it used?
a. Capture lightning bugs
b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing
c. Large salt shaker
3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk
b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled
c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk
would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.
4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
a. Blackjack
b. Gin
c. Craps!
5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing
stockings when none were available due to rationing during W.W.II?
a. Suntan
b. Leg painting
c. Wearing slacks
6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you
couldn't tell whether it was coming or going?
a. Studebaker
b. Nash Metro
c. Tucker
7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?
a. Strips of dried peanut butter
b. Chocolate licorice bars
c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
8. How was Butch wax used?
a. To stiffen a flattop haircut so it stood up
b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing
c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust
9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates
attached to your shoes?
a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key
b. Woven straps that crossed the foot.
c. Long pieces of twine
10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a
decision?
a. Consider all the facts
b. Ask Mom
c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo
11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940's?
a. Smallpox
b. AIDS
c. Polio
12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey"
a. SUV
b. Taxi
c. Streetcar
13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony?
a. Old Blue
b. Paint
c. Macaroni
14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?
a. Part of the game of hide and seek
b. What you did when your mom called you in to do chores
c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with
your arms in an A-bomb drill
15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody
show?
a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
b. Princess Sacajewea
c. Princess Moonshadow
16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed
tests were handed out in school?
a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to
get you high
b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the
window
c. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid your failure
17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with
purchases?
a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted
like bubble gum
b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various
household items
c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos
18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________?
a. Meatballs
b. Dames
c. Ammunition
19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song
"Cabdriver" a hit?
a. The Ink Spots
b. The Supremes
c. The Esquires
20. Who left his heart in San Francisco?
a. Tony Bennett
b. Zavier Cugat
c. George Gershwin
ANSWERS
1. b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls,
popular in Europe, took till the late '60s to catch on.
2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?
3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping
the bottle top.
4. a) Blackjack Gum.
5. b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down
the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil.
6. a) 1946 Studebaker.
7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water.
8. a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.
9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a
shoestring around your neck.
10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.
11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed,
movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to
prevent spread of the disease.
12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!
13. c) Macaroni.
14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your
arms in an A-bomb drill.
15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet.
16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high.
17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for
household items at the Green Stamp store.
18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free.
19. a) The all male, all black group: The Inkspots.
20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today. (or bad,
depending on your taste)
See scoring below:
==================
17- 20 correct: You are not only older than dirt, but obviously
gifted with mind bloat. Now if you could only find your glasses.
12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is definitely
muddy.
0 -11 correct: You are a sad excuse for a geezer or you are
younger than springtime!
-<>-
______
_\ _~-\___
= = ==(____AA____D
\_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._
/ o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_
`~-.__ ___..----.. )
`---~~\___________/------------`````
= ===(_________D
-Roland
>Just A Day At The Airport
Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had
an office adjacent to where security temporarily holds suspects.
One day security officers were questioning a man when they were
suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my
sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked
room. After a few minutes, the door opened, and he began to
walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked,
"Get back in there, and don't come out until you're told!"
The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the
security people returned, the woman reported what had happened.
Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one
very frightened telephone repairman.
-<>-
>MISCELLANEOUS LAWS
Perkin's postulate:
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
First Law of Laboratory Work:
Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
Gold's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Lewis' Law:
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
Allen's Law:
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs,
maybe you just don't understand the situation.
Thoreau's Law:
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious
intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.
-<>-
.-.
## )
*
_.-+*'`*+-._
,## _ _ #.
;### ((.;;.)) ##:
.=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=,
>##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###<
---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l
`-""-'
>How Do You Feel
Two cows were reading the ad on the side of a passing milk
truck: Pasteurized, Homogenized, Standardized - Vitamin A Added.
One looked at the other and said, "Make's you feel rather
inadequate, doesn't it?"
-<>-
>Oh Noooo, Where are You Danny
"Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster
before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he
seen anything like it. How anyone could have
survived he did not know.
He could only hope that somewhere amid the
overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-
year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding
Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the
scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.
Walking was virtually impossible with so many
things strewn across his path. He moved ahead
slowly.
"Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He
tripped and almost fell several times. He heard
someone, or something, move. At least he thought
he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He
shook his head and felt his gut tighten.
He couldn't understand how this could have
happened. There was some light but not enough to
see very much. Something cold and wet brushed
against his hand. He jerked it away.
In desperation, he took another step then cried
out, "Danny!".
From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he
heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice
so weak it could hardly be heard.
"It's time to get up and get ready for school,"
the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean
up this room.
-<>-
>Mine's Better Than Yours
A couple of F-15's fighters are escorting a C-130 Hercules, and
their pilots are chatting with the pilot of the old transport
plane to pass the time. Talk comes around to the relative merits
of their respective aircraft.
The fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better
because of their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and
so forth, and pointed out the Hercules deficiencies in these
areas.
After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, "Oh yeah?
Well, I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only
dream about."
Naturally, the fighter pilots challenge him to demonstrate.
"Just watch," comes the quick retort.
And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continuing
to fly straight and level.
After several minutes the Hercules pilot comes back on the air,
saying "There! How was that?"
Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots reply, "What are
you talking about? What did you do?"
And the Hercules pilot replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my
legs, got a cup of coffee, then went into the back and used
the restroom, Let's see you do that".
-<>-
>My Vanity License Plate
While working as an agricultural inspector at the Arizona
state line, I found that addressing people in an informal manner
relieved their nervousness and minimized problems. One day when
a car with the vanity license plate "TVECL" stopped for
inspection, I approached the driver and said, "How are you, Mr.
Tvecl?"
"Your pronunciation is fine," he replied, "but that's not
my name. I'm an optometrist, and those are the letters on
the bottom line of my eye chart."
-<>-
___
,--[___]--,
/ \
|,.--'```'--.,| ,
|'-.,_____,.-'| ||
|'-.,_____,.-'| ||
| | _||_
| P A I N T | ///\\\
| | HHHHHH
|'-.,_____,.-'| ||||||
jgs `'-.,_____,.-'' ||||||
>What If I Need More
After an hour of "Just a little more white, two squirts of blue,
a dash of black, perhaps a tad more white," the paint- store clerk
got my gallon to the exact shade I wanted. With a sigh of relief,
he pounded the lid on.
"Now what do I do if I need more paint?" I asked.
"Don't come back here," he begged.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Animal Friends 4!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends4.html
Identity Theft 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html
Colorful Birds 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birds3.html
Maria The Goose!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html
Elephant Rescue 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant2.html
Great Horned Owls!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/owl.html
Breeze And Buttons!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/breezeandbuttons.html
Bucky And The Beagle!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/visitor.html
When Sandman Attacks!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman.html
Jasmine The Greyhound!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jasmine.html
Matteo And The Marmots!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/marmots.html
Australian Cockatoo Story!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cockatoos.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Bunni :)
Check out The Orlando Airport Has Opened a Muslim Prayer Room-Truth!
http://tinyurl.com/h4wkkqu
---
...Will wonders never cease! Crazy! Thanks Bunni!
This is so so so funny you have to watch this
http://1funny.com/ventriloquist-walks-off-stage/
---
...TeeHee! Good intertainment! Thanks Bunni!
Praying that you and all our group friends become/are and totally
stay cancer free in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!
Amen.
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
Old London Photos
https://www.youtube.com/embed/O_me3NrPMh8
All About Trump
http://www.snopes.com/noonan-on-trump/
---
...Great! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Cloie :)
A very interesting test on how well you know your country.
The test was designed by Bill O'Reilly and there are no
trick questions. You should get at least 15 to pass.
See how well you do.
http://tinyurl.com/jdlu88z
Duo Dittmar Comedy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp8Jtb3_0aA
---
...LOL! A Treat! Thanks Cloie!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melinda :)
Poisoned Water from Sacramento to Michigan
Many Americans don't realize it, but the nation's largest cities
are in many ways a first world mirage sitting on top of third
world infrastructure.
Not only is the water in Flint, Michigan poisoned with lead,
we're now hearing reports that nearly every large city East
of the Mississippi is running water through disastrously unsafe
pipes that leach lead and other toxic metals into the water.
Click here for the full story.
http://tinyurl.com/zr8q5ej
Sacramento Water Poisoned
http://www.abc10.com/story/news/investigations/2015/11/04/75112994/
GMO Corn Seed Killing
http://tinyurl.com/z49nhew
---
...Sad! Thanks Melinda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
This is just so funny, I had to send it along. What happens when
we are forced to work after age 80.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=19THRdXxmaI
BatDad is best dad ever?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlVi0noRr-o&feature=player_embedded
BatDad returns.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=hJXuf-EGyeY
BatDad returns again!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ecuoTZXRfZE
BatDad rises.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xL6Y_fJ3VVw
---
...Whoa! Zadsooks! Bat Dad! LOL! Thanks LouiseA!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Everybody has been in a very festive mood. I even saw two
strangers splitting a cab. One guy took the tires, one guy
took the radio." -David Letterman
"Schools here in Los Angeles aren't allowing Santa Claus
to come into the schools anymore. Not because of religious
reasons, but they claim he's wearing gang colors." -Jay Leno
"A Swedish firm has designed an efficient city featuring
buildings on wheels that can be moved in or out of town as
desired. This ingenious city of the future is known as a
trailer park." -Conan O'Brien
"In Utah a hunter was shot when his dog stepped on his shot-
gun. The dog later apologized and said, 'Sorry, but you did
neuter me.'" -Conan O'Brien
"A couple got married in a Starbucks. Isn't that nice? What,
Dunkin' Donuts not good enough?" -Dave Letterman
"A federal watchdog agency says that overlapping and
duplicate programs waste billions of dollars each year.
Congress is taking this study so seriously that they're
ordering a second study to look into it." -Jay Leno
"Everyone is talking about the voice-control TV. It's TV
that you control with your voice instead of the back-breaking
work of pressing buttons on the remote." -Craig Ferguson
"A new study found that kids who work more than 20 hours a
week at a job are more likely to get bad grades. On the
other hand, China." -Jimmy Fallon
"A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old
wife, making them the world's oldest divorced couple. It's
got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your
kids to get custody of you." -Jimmy Fallon
"According to a new study, people with liberal arts degrees
are experiencing much higher rates of joblessness. So for
all of you Greeks classics majors out there, the sweet ride
is finally over." -Conan O'Brien
"Dunkin' Donuts is doubling the amount of locates in the
United States. Remember when this country used to make steel
and automobiles and now it's crullers, jelly doughnuts, and
munchkins?" -David Letterman
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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