Pop Goes The Bubble Wrap - NOT! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ *~* Prayers For Our Friends In The Recent Snow Storm Areas. May God Keep You Safe And Warm Through Jesus Christ, Amen! Thankfully most of Ohio where I live was spared. -<>- >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first sizzling hot new page is from our friend Geniann. This one I found quite interesting considering how society was some 40-175 years ago. A woman was pretty much expected to be a housewife and mother and not much of anything else. These women really showed how amazing they were considering how oppressed they were! Check this out here... .-------------------- | | ,-""-. /) | / c/-} // | ( ,--)T-. // | `/ ,_) )\__,-/ | / /. \'_,-"< | / / ) _`).__ | _/,' ( ""-."-. |'-/ _/`-----. ),' |o!O '"-'"""----" Brilliant Women Inventors! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womeninventors.html --- ...So many favs here, it's hard to choose! Thanks Geniann! I remember working with Paul in our computer and game repair business. If I fixed a machine while he was gone, there was total shock by our regular customers that I did it that they hardly believed it! Their attitude surprised me. People figured I was just a secretary or something until I started explaining to them that Paul's 'hardware' and I'm 'software'. That normally helped them accept me better. Sad what women had to do back then. Our software publishers/ distributors however, were not so naive. They accepted me without question. Our next awesome newbie is from our friends Linda and Geniann. This one blew my mind simply because it is yet another thing I had no idea existed! Building architecture and artistic design has always intrigued me. This one is simply by far an amazing work! If you haven't seen it, you are in for a real treat! Check this one out here... J J ""L L J J J----"""J""---__ | | J J L L_--""|"--L | F J L L__ ___ L L | J | J F J F \""""""" | """""-----, L | J J F | \ L L L | | | J J _.---""" \ J | | | | F F F / \ | J | | | J J | / \ L ___---++...;.++'--__ F J / \ J L""----____ __---""J__--=----_E_ / \ | J | |--__ __--"/ / __ \ L L | F ""F / / """--__ J J | J | / / ""; | L | | J / / __--""" \ L J | F F / / __--"" \ J L | J | / / --"" \ | J | | J / / \ L L | F F / / \ J J | J | / / \ | L | | J / / \ L J | F F / / \ J L | J | / / \ | _J | |"-J+' / \-L" L | F / \ J | J / '-. \ "-.|+' / '-. \ / . '-. \ / .-' '-. .-' "-. .-' hs '-. .-' . "-. .-' '-. .-' .' '. '-.-' ' .' '. Singapore's Sky Park! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/skypark.html --- ...Wow! Love to visit it in person! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: .-""-.. __ .--. .-.`( > ""- ,)_ ( ( `_( > ~<| 0)-')')---') -."_( > ~<`-" " " vV -._( > -._ < .___.Y' `._( > `._( (( . '-._( > '-._( \\__^_^,'; .-( > ~< .-.-.-./ '--._( > { v V Y .-< > \ "-< > \ (PS) Mrs. O'Henry was talking to her husband one night about their son and his allowance. "Well, darling," said Mr. O'Henry, "I had a long talk with him last week about the value of a dollar." "I know," she replied, "the other day he asked for his allowance in Yen." -<>- A group of prosperous businessmen were dining at the Sam's Hotel in Las Vegas. "Seems to me you are getting a little slimmer," remarked one. "I should be!" replied the other, "I went on one of those high protein diets. Nothing but expensive steaks and chops. And would you believe it - in just two weeks I lost thirty dollars!" -<>- A blonde was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a really bad hail storm. The hail stones were as big as golf balls. Her car was dented badly. The next day she took it to a repair shop. The repair guy, noticing that she was blonde, decided to have some fun. He told her to blow into the tail pipe really hard when she got home, and the dents would pop out. When she got home she started blowing into the tail pipe, and her blonde girl friend saw her. Her friend was startled and said, "What are you doing?" She told her the repair guy had told her to blow into the tail pipe really hard and the dents would pop out. Her blonde girl friend said, "Well duhhhh..you need to roll up the windows first." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ January 25 is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day and Opposite Day http://www.askmen.com/news/entertainment/new-bubble-wrap-won-t-pop.html January 26 is Spouse's Day January 27 is Chocolate Cake Day and Punch the Clock Day January 28 is Data Privacy, Fun at Work and National Kazoo Day January 29 is National Puzzle Day and National Cornchip Day January 30 is National Inane Answering Message Day January 31 is Backward Day and Inspire Your Heart with Art Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ___________________________ || || || ||\ || || || || \|| || || || \| || || || \ ||_________ ||_ _|| \ \ | ______o | _/| | | | _______ | _ | | | |/_\| |//| || |_______ _______ | /_\| | | ||#|\ |/ | || | ~~~ | | | | |#|| |______| ||_| \ | |\ ||__ |___ _ | | | /|_||_~________| \ | / / / \ |__ |#|-| |_ ___| / \______/ \|/ /| | | |_ |##__| | |_|## | /__________________________/|| | | | ||____| |_______| ||/oooooooo oo oo| /| / \/\ | | |_|| \/ooooooooo_oo_oo|/_U/ \ \ \____/ |__| /____________________________\ \__||__ | \/ \ | / |__| _| /___| O) \______/ m1a // \\ // \\ O) O >Drawbacks of Working in a Cubicle * Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who's behind you. * The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right. * Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds. * When you quit and walk out, there's no door to slam. * Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day long. * The carpet has been there since 1976 (or older) and shows more signs of life than your coworkers. * If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say, "What? I didn't hear you." * You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone. * 23 power cords - 1 outlet. (This last one is my favorite - Tom) -<>- >Mathematicians in a Bar Two male mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math. The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer "one third x cubed." She repeats "one thir -- dex cue"? He repeats "one third x cubed". She repeats "one thir dex cuebd?" " Yes, that's right," he says. So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex cuebd...". The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks "what is the integral of x squared?". The waitress says "one third x cubed" and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder "plus a constant!" -<>- >Software Engineering In a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer: If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately? Among the many raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what HE would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay on board. With his team's software, he reasoned, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the end of the runway, let alone leave the ground! -<>- >Buying a TV I had just about decided to buy the television set whose attributes the young salesman had been extolling. He concluded by saying it carried only a one-year warranty but that I could buy a five-year warranty at an additional cost. I won't buy anything that doesn't carry at least a five-year warranty and so turned to leave. The salesman asked me to please stay while he consulted with his boss. "By the way," he continued, "may I ask how old you are?" "Eighty-three," I replied. He returned a moment later smiling. "We'll give you a lifetime warranty." -<>- >Missing Dog One overcast evening I passed the principal of our local high school who was out looking for his missing dog, a Collie and real Lassie look-alike. He told me the dog often ran away, so he had put a metal tag on its collar asking that anyone finding the dog send it home in a taxi. A few days later I again met the principal, and he told me that as he was trudging home during a downpour that night, his snug and dry dog had passed him in a taxi. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) >SMILES .---. /==()=\ #_ _# ( e` `e ) | U | \ = / |\___/| ___/: :\___ /` < `\ /` > `\ / `\ |_| /` \ ; [MD] \| |/ |I! ; jgs | | | |"""| | | | \ / \___/ | | | Y | | The hunch-backed man decided very reluctantly, that he should go see a doctor. A few too many people have started to comment on his back. Doctor: "I need for you to get undressed, sir. (Hunchback removes jacket and then stops) Hunchback: "I really don't like getting undressed, doctor." Doctor: "If you want me to examine your back, you'll have to get undressed. (Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his t-shirt on.) Hunchback: "I don't like showing people my back. They always laugh at me." Doctor: "Do you want me to examine your back or not?" (Very reluctantly, the hunchback removes his t-shirt.) Doctor: "Ah...just how long is it since you were in school?" Hunchback: "Gosh, over 20 years, Doctor. Why? Doctor: "Did you ever wonder all those years what happened to your backpack? --------- I was a New York state employee and after nine years of dedicated service they fired me for no reason. One day they just marched into my office, woke me up, and told me to go home. --------- A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska -a trip that the husband had long dreamed of taking. He kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt moose, and drive a dog team instead of a car. "If we decided to live there permanently, away from civilization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his wife. She replied, "You! --------- The big three auto makers in Detroit were considering putting the high-beam dimmer switch back down on the floor, so they decided to take a poll. Among those polled were 1000 blondes. The most frequent response was: "Well how the heck am I supposed to reach for it way down there? --------- _ _ H / \ / \ \( | | | .-| OOOO| | | |_| ___OOOO|_|_|___|_ |____OO___________| j/\/\/O/\/\/\/\/\/| g\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\| s/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/| \\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ `'============='` On my way to a church picnic, I stopped at a fast-food place to order a quart of potato salad. "We don't sell it by the quart," the clerk snapped. "Okay, then give me two pints, please," I replied. I'm proud to say I held my tongue when she asked, "Do you want it in one container?" --------- >WHAT'S FOR DINNER? Can't eat beef: Mad cow Can't eat chicken: Bird flu Can't eat eggs: Salmonella Can't eat pork: Trichinosis Can't eat fish: Mercury Can't eat fruits: Insecticides Can't eat greens: E. Coli Can't eat veggies: GMO Can't eat grains: Herbicides Can't eat potatoes, pasta, bread, rice: Carbs Hmm... I believe that leaves... Chocolate!! -------- >Art Of Falling Apart There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by, And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie. My hair's getting thinner, my body is not; The few teeth I have are beginning to rot. I smell of Vick's Vapor-Rub, not Chanel # 5; My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive. When asked of my past, every detail I'll know, But what was I doing 10 minutes ago? Well, you get the idea, what more can I say? I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day; If my name's not there, I'll once again start- Perfecting the art of falling apart. -------- _,.---,_ ,-" '. / \ | , | | / '-..____.; \_ | /a/a( (` _) `\ ,__. / `;-.___.' _.| | .' `-._\-. >HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - - Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child) HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8 And the #1 Favorite is....... HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. --- ...LOL! My Truck Wife - My Oh My! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) >Jokes __,__ .--. .-" "-. .--. / .. \/ .-. .-. \/ .. \ | | '| / Y \ |' | | | \ \ \ 0 | 0 / / / | \ '- ,\.-"`` ``"-./, -' / `'-' /_ ^ ^ _\ '-'` | \._ _./ | \ \ `~` / / jgs '._ '-=-' _.' '~---~' A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble." "I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. "What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo." "Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World." -<>- >AS I AGE, I REALIZE THAT: 1. I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert advice. 2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud. 3. I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off. 4. My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work. 5. The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." 6. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it's like a mini vacation.. 7. The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about. 8. Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound. 9. Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller. 10. At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for. -<>- .-"-. _/_-.-_\_ / __> <__ \ / // " \\ \ see no evil... / / \'---'/ \ \ jgs \ \_/`"""`\_/ / \ / >Feeling Fine How am I? I'm feeling fine but then I know you can read between the lines. With eyes that are dimming ears straining to hear, stumble when walking, keeping a cane near.. Trouble when peeing, will it come out or not? or will it come when not expected? Oops, didn't make it to the pot. The botched hemorrhoid operation I had years ago. makes a daily enema and my "Miral-lax" a must for a painless go. The "Small bowl resection" I had was a must. But the problems it caused me is something to discuss. The numbness in my legs, fingers and hands, with a tongue that can't taste food, no matter how good. make steak or hot dogs...taste just like.. only food. So I'll keep saying, "I'm feeling fine, can't complain" when so many are worse off and need more than a cane. Now, when you hear me say "I'm feeling fine and then you read between the lines, also know that I am feeling blessed. God has only given me what he knows I can handle ...no more....no less. By: Ken Krueger --- ...LOL! Good ones! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >Latest News From... Liberty News http://tinyurl.com/jk747ee Right Alerts http://rightalerts.com/ TPNN http://www.tpnn.com/ Conservative Tribune While Nation Braces For Winter Storm, Senate Sneaks In Bill To Allow For Military Martial Law http://conservativetribune.com/senate-sneaks-bill-martial-law/ Mom Left Age Five Daughter With 18-Month Baby, Found THIS On Her Camera! http://tinyurl.com/z5fm6b8 -<>- >From BizarreNews: There is something about animal cruelty that really sets me off. I'm the kind of guy who thinks that casual marijuana users shouldn't have to face jail time, but the guy in today's story I would show no hesitation in putting away. According to a police report, deputies in West Palm Beach, Fla. received an anonymous call from someone who claimed to have seen a man "kicking and throwing his dog around." The caller believed that the man was going to kill the dog. The responding deputy found 28-year-old Javier Orelly "digging a grave in front of his apartment," the report said. Next to the grave was the body of a large black dog without a head. The decapitated head was resting on top of two rocks. The deputy saw "two large knives, a small ax and some money" on a red towel. Behind the dog's head was a piece of the dead animal's skin attached to a stick. Below it was a carving with the word "tortura" in large letters. According to the report, Orelly initially said the dog bit him, but he later changed his story and said "the dog looked at him weird, so he stabbed it in the neck." A dead duck was also found next to the dog. Orelly said he also killed the duck. According to the report, "Orelly was stressed out and needed to sacrifice animals to cleanse himself." Apparently he never heard of Xanax, or a couple stiff shots of whiskey, or a massage, or pretty much anything other than torturing a couple of helpless animals. With any luck maybe he'll try decapitating himself the next time he feels stressed. Orelly was arrested and faces two counts of animal cruelty. *-- Bungee-Aided Ski Jump Attempt Ends in Disaster --* FREDERICTON, New Brunswick - A group of Canadian daredevils using bungee cords to aid their ski jumps caught video of a high-speed crash caused by doubling up on bungees. The video, posted by James Fitzpatrick, shows a skier in Fredericton, New Brunswick, attempt to use two 20-foot banshee bungee cords to propel him over a ski jump. The skier's high speed quickly sends him out of control, and he can be seen falling backside-first toward the earth. The uploader jokingly titled the video, "Death by Banshee Bungee," but the skier was not injured. "We decided one 20 foot long banshee bungee wasn't enough speed to clear the gap, we doubled up and used two 20 footers.... this crash was the result!" Fitzpatrick wrote. *-- Veteran Uses Wheelchair to Plow Snow --* BELLEVUE, Neb. - A Nebraska veteran is continuing to serve his country and turning heads locally by converting his wheelchair into a snowplow for sidewalks. Justin Anderson, an Iraq War veteran living in Bellevue, was given an off-road wheelchair by the Independence Fund charity to help him get around after his leg was amputated, and he decided to use the gift to help others in his community. "I don't want kids or parents having to go through the snow and possibly trip or hurt themselves," Anderson said. "I had a half-dozen people stop to take a picture because they hadn't seen a chair like this before." Anderson said he first fitted the snow blade to his chair last year. "The chair has on-the-fly tilt so I can adjust the height of the blade as I push snow," he said. Anderson said he enjoys the opportunity to give back to the community. *-- N. Korea Claims to Invent Hangover-Free Booze --* Kim Jong-un's scientists claim to have invented an alcohol that won't give you a hangover, it's been reported. The liquor is apparently made from plant extract ginseng and the sugar is replaced with burnt rice, which supposedly eliminates both bitterness and a hangover, according to North Korean media. Named Koryo Liquor, it has been produced at Taedonggang Foodstuff Factory, a company that has spent years refining the drink in the country, the state controlled Pyongyang Times reports. However the 'hangover-free' claims have been disputed with experts claiming there is no such thing. Andray Abrahamian, director of research from Choson Exchange, told NK News: "There are some high quality liquors made in North Korea, though in my experience there is no such thing as hangover- free booze anywhere in the world." He added that he hadn't tried the brand but associated the drink with medicinal properties and isn't that keen on it as a "tasty treat". *---- Live Shark Found in Florida Swimming Pool ----* LAKE WORTH, Fla. -- A condominium resident in Florida was met with a shock when she discovered a live shark in the building's pool. The five-foot black tip shark was found in the Mariner's Cay condominium pool in Lake Worth and removed by Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officers. The woman also reported seeing two men running from the scene at the time of her discovery (two A-holes, rather, who either don't know or don't care that sharks don't like chlorine) and an FWC officer contacted management after noticing surveillance camera's in the area. "This incident is the focus of an ongoing investigation," FWC spokesperson Rob Klepper said. The shark was released into the Intracoastal Waterway after being removed from the pool. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: __ / _ _ _ _ _ _ _\_ _ _ _| |_|_|_|_|_|_|_|\|_|_|_| |-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-\-|-|-| |_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|\|_|_| |-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-\-|-| |_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|\|_| |-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-| |_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|\ \ \ \ | ____ ____ ____\___ ____ _/ / |____| |____| jgs \__/ \__/ My friend has a bad habit of overdrawing her bank account. One day before we went shopping, I complained about my lack of funds and lamented, "Guess I'll use plastic." Unconcerned, she whipped out her checkbook and said: "I'm using rubber." -<>- I was recently talking with a friend who bemoaned her family's lack of holiday rituals. "My family doesn't have any traditions," she complained. "We just do the same thing year after year after year." -<>- Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. "Yes," says Sally, "a lock of my husband's hair." "But Larry's still alive." "I know, but his hair is gone." -<>- I was in small-claims court when I listened in on the case of a woman who held a good job but still had trouble paying her bills on time. "Can't you live within your income?" asked the judge. "No, Your Honor," she said. "It's all I can do to live with- in my credit." -<>- I was the nurse caring for a couple's newborn first child, a son, after his cesarean birth. Since the mother was asleep under general anesthesia we took our tiny charge directly to the newborn nursery to introduce him to his daddy. While cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed the baby's ears conspicuously standing out from his head. He expressed his concern that some kids might call his son names like "Dumbo." The pediatrician reassured the new dad that his son was healthy, the ears could be easily corrected during childhood. The father still worried about his wife's reaction to thos large protruding ears. "She doesn't take things as easily as I do," he worried. By this time, the new mother was ready to meet her precious son. I placed the tiny bundle in his mother's arms and eased the blanket back so that she could gaze upon her child for the first time. She took one look at her baby's face and looked to her husband and gasped, "Oh, Honey! Look! He has your ears!" -<>- A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?" Shouting back, the woman replies, "For crying out loud, Ed, I've been telling you for the last half hour...I'll be ready in a minute!" -<>- __ _ /_ `\ /`_`\ |/ `-.| ( / \ ) \^_^/ )\^_^/( __> <__ (_.> <._) '-' `\ jgs / \_/ \ \ >Differences between men and women 1. NAMES If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. 3. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale. 4. BATHROOMS A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. 5. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument. 6.CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. 7. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. 8. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 9. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 10. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. -<>- To get his mind off his losing streak at the racetrack, I took my friend horseback riding. Being a novice, he freaked when his mount took off. "How do I stop?" he yelled. "Bet on it!" I hollered back. ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: >Andy Says... Just Think About This! _.-^~~^^^`~-,_,,~''''''```~,''``~'``~, ______,' -o :. _ . ; ,'`, `. ( -\.._,.;;'._ ,( } _`_-_,, `, `, ``~~~~~~' ((/'((((____/~~~~~~'(,(,___> `~' joe schmuck ** On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said, "Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out." ** Don't pray for rain if you're going to complain about the mud! ** To teach is to understand. To learn is wisdom. To learn together is understanding wisdom. -- Sid Mendenhall ** "I have a dog that's half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a guard dog, but a vicious gossip." --Craig Shoemaker ** "I just bought a microwave fireplace...You can spend a whole evening in front of it in only eight minutes." -Steven Wright ** "No matter how much money you make, you always need an extra $40 a week. I think it was Einstein who first said: 'Expense equals salary plus forty bucks.'" --Jeffrey Jena ** Texas A&M student to friend: "I got some bad news today: You know the money I get from those little ATM machines? It comes from MY account!" Q: Why doesn't Sweden export cattle? A: Because it wants to keep its Stockholm Q: What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? A: Someone who stays awake all night wondering about the meaning of dog. -<>- The then Secretary of State, the Honorable Colin Powell, was asked during a recent trip he had made to the UN in New York by an Iraqi news reporter: "Is it true that only 13 percent of young Americans can even find Iraq on the map?" The Secretary turned to the reporter with a smile and said: "Yes, that's true. But the sad news for Iraq is that the 13 percent are all United States Marines!" -<>- >The Secret Of How To Away From It All Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: "Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package." -<>- >A Groaner For Sure In a small business office they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words. Early one Monday the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages and she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, "My dif- ficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N." -<>- ____ _[____]_ ( '7') __)(^_ / ,C^D,\ / /||:||\\ \ \|/:\|// `\\~~~|/ ,##\7|\ \ |#| \ \ |#| / / jgs |#|/_/ |#|\ \ (#_\`' >Geezer Exam - write down your answers... 1. In the 1940's, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located? a. On the floor shift knob b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch c. Next to the horn 2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used? a. Capture lightning bugs b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing c. Large salt shaker 3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters? a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top. 4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance? a. Blackjack b. Gin c. Craps! 5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during W.W.II? a. Suntan b. Leg painting c. Wearing slacks 6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going? a. Studebaker b. Nash Metro c. Tucker 7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid? a. Strips of dried peanut butter b. Chocolate licorice bars c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside 8. How was Butch wax used? a. To stiffen a flattop haircut so it stood up b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust 9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes? a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key b. Woven straps that crossed the foot. c. Long pieces of twine 10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision? a. Consider all the facts b. Ask Mom c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo 11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940's? a. Smallpox b. AIDS c. Polio 12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey" a. SUV b. Taxi c. Streetcar 13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony? a. Old Blue b. Paint c. Macaroni 14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill? a. Part of the game of hide and seek b. What you did when your mom called you in to do chores c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill 15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show? a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring b. Princess Sacajewea c. Princess Moonshadow 16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school? a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window c. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid your failure 17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases? a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos 18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________? a. Meatballs b. Dames c. Ammunition 19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song "Cabdriver" a hit? a. The Ink Spots b. The Supremes c. The Esquires 20. Who left his heart in San Francisco? a. Tony Bennett b. Zavier Cugat c. George Gershwin ANSWERS 1. b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe, took till the late '60s to catch on. 2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron? 3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top. 4. a) Blackjack Gum. 5. b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil. 6. a) 1946 Studebaker. 7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water. 8. a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut. 9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your neck. 10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo. 11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease. 12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight! 13. c) Macaroni. 14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill. 15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet. 16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high. 17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items at the Green Stamp store. 18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free. 19. a) The all male, all black group: The Inkspots. 20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today. (or bad, depending on your taste) See scoring below: ================== 17- 20 correct: You are not only older than dirt, but obviously gifted with mind bloat. Now if you could only find your glasses. 12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is definitely muddy. 0 -11 correct: You are a sad excuse for a geezer or you are younger than springtime! -<>- ______ _\ _~-\___ = = ==(____AA____D \_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._ / o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_ `~-.__ ___..----.. ) `---~~\___________/------------````` = ===(_________D -Roland >Just A Day At The Airport Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to where security temporarily holds suspects. One day security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room. After a few minutes, the door opened, and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there, and don't come out until you're told!" The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the woman reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one very frightened telephone repairman. -<>- >MISCELLANEOUS LAWS Perkin's postulate: The bigger they are, the harder they hit. First Law of Laboratory Work: Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass. Gold's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. Lewis' Law: People will buy anything that's one to a customer. Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of. If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation. Thoreau's Law: If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life. -<>- .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' >How Do You Feel Two cows were reading the ad on the side of a passing milk truck: Pasteurized, Homogenized, Standardized - Vitamin A Added. One looked at the other and said, "Make's you feel rather inadequate, doesn't it?" -<>- >Oh Noooo, Where are You Danny "Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16- year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!". From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard. "It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up this room. -<>- >Mine's Better Than Yours A couple of F-15's fighters are escorting a C-130 Hercules, and their pilots are chatting with the pilot of the old transport plane to pass the time. Talk comes around to the relative merits of their respective aircraft. The fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better because of their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and so forth, and pointed out the Hercules deficiencies in these areas. After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, "Oh yeah? Well, I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about." Naturally, the fighter pilots challenge him to demonstrate. "Just watch," comes the quick retort. And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continuing to fly straight and level. After several minutes the Hercules pilot comes back on the air, saying "There! How was that?" Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots reply, "What are you talking about? What did you do?" And the Hercules pilot replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went into the back and used the restroom, Let's see you do that". -<>- >My Vanity License Plate While working as an agricultural inspector at the Arizona state line, I found that addressing people in an informal manner relieved their nervousness and minimized problems. One day when a car with the vanity license plate "TVECL" stopped for inspection, I approached the driver and said, "How are you, Mr. Tvecl?" "Your pronunciation is fine," he replied, "but that's not my name. I'm an optometrist, and those are the letters on the bottom line of my eye chart." -<>- ___ ,--[___]--, / \ |,.--'```'--.,| , |'-.,_____,.-'| || |'-.,_____,.-'| || | | _||_ | P A I N T | ///\\\ | | HHHHHH |'-.,_____,.-'| |||||| jgs `'-.,_____,.-'' |||||| >What If I Need More After an hour of "Just a little more white, two squirts of blue, a dash of black, perhaps a tad more white," the paint- store clerk got my gallon to the exact shade I wanted. With a sigh of relief, he pounded the lid on. "Now what do I do if I need more paint?" I asked. "Don't come back here," he begged. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Animal Friends 4!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends4.html Identity Theft 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html Colorful Birds 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birds3.html Maria The Goose!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html Elephant Rescue 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant2.html Great Horned Owls!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/owl.html Breeze And Buttons!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/breezeandbuttons.html Bucky And The Beagle!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/visitor.html When Sandman Attacks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman.html Jasmine The Greyhound!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jasmine.html Matteo And The Marmots!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/marmots.html Australian Cockatoo Story!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cockatoos.html -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) Check out The Orlando Airport Has Opened a Muslim Prayer Room-Truth! http://tinyurl.com/h4wkkqu --- ...Will wonders never cease! Crazy! Thanks Bunni! This is so so so funny you have to watch this http://1funny.com/ventriloquist-walks-off-stage/ --- ...TeeHee! Good intertainment! Thanks Bunni! Praying that you and all our group friends become/are and totally stay cancer free in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Amen. -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Old London Photos https://www.youtube.com/embed/O_me3NrPMh8 All About Trump http://www.snopes.com/noonan-on-trump/ --- ...Great! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Cloie :) A very interesting test on how well you know your country. The test was designed by Bill O'Reilly and there are no trick questions. You should get at least 15 to pass. See how well you do. http://tinyurl.com/jdlu88z Duo Dittmar Comedy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp8Jtb3_0aA --- ...LOL! A Treat! Thanks Cloie! -<>- >From Our Friend Melinda :) Poisoned Water from Sacramento to Michigan Many Americans don't realize it, but the nation's largest cities are in many ways a first world mirage sitting on top of third world infrastructure. Not only is the water in Flint, Michigan poisoned with lead, we're now hearing reports that nearly every large city East of the Mississippi is running water through disastrously unsafe pipes that leach lead and other toxic metals into the water. Click here for the full story. http://tinyurl.com/zr8q5ej Sacramento Water Poisoned http://www.abc10.com/story/news/investigations/2015/11/04/75112994/ GMO Corn Seed Killing http://tinyurl.com/z49nhew --- ...Sad! Thanks Melinda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) This is just so funny, I had to send it along. What happens when we are forced to work after age 80. http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=19THRdXxmaI BatDad is best dad ever? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlVi0noRr-o&feature=player_embedded BatDad returns. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=hJXuf-EGyeY BatDad returns again! http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ecuoTZXRfZE BatDad rises. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xL6Y_fJ3VVw --- ...Whoa! Zadsooks! Bat Dad! LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Everybody has been in a very festive mood. I even saw two strangers splitting a cab. One guy took the tires, one guy took the radio." -David Letterman "Schools here in Los Angeles aren't allowing Santa Claus to come into the schools anymore. Not because of religious reasons, but they claim he's wearing gang colors." -Jay Leno "A Swedish firm has designed an efficient city featuring buildings on wheels that can be moved in or out of town as desired. This ingenious city of the future is known as a trailer park." -Conan O'Brien "In Utah a hunter was shot when his dog stepped on his shot- gun. The dog later apologized and said, 'Sorry, but you did neuter me.'" -Conan O'Brien "A couple got married in a Starbucks. Isn't that nice? What, Dunkin' Donuts not good enough?" -Dave Letterman "A federal watchdog agency says that overlapping and duplicate programs waste billions of dollars each year. Congress is taking this study so seriously that they're ordering a second study to look into it." -Jay Leno "Everyone is talking about the voice-control TV. It's TV that you control with your voice instead of the back-breaking work of pressing buttons on the remote." -Craig Ferguson "A new study found that kids who work more than 20 hours a week at a job are more likely to get bad grades. On the other hand, China." -Jimmy Fallon "A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the world's oldest divorced couple. It's got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you." -Jimmy Fallon "According to a new study, people with liberal arts degrees are experiencing much higher rates of joblessness. So for all of you Greeks classics majors out there, the sweet ride is finally over." -Conan O'Brien "Dunkin' Donuts is doubling the amount of locates in the United States. Remember when this country used to make steel and automobiles and now it's crullers, jelly doughnuts, and munchkins?" -David Letterman >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************