Proper English And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ _ _|_|_ ,|_| |_|_ || | | |_| || | | | | || | | | | _|| | | | | ||)\ ^ ^ ^ | || | | || | | || | | \\ | \\ / ejm )\ ( / \ \ / \ \ \ \ *~* Our hearts and prayers go out to those affected by the recent Islamic Terrorist shooting in Florida. May God Bless them and help them through this trying time in the name of Jesus Christ. >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first flaming hot new page is from our friends Linda, PatDeE and Geniann. It is sure to tickle your funny bone with its light hearted humor. Check it out here... ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw Fun With Seniors! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seniorfun.html --- ...Full of SMILES! Thanks my friends! Our next too hot to handle page comes from our friends Linda, LouiseAu, Brenda and Geniann. It is another one to tickle your fancy with its poke at our tech savvy generation. Be sure to check it and the cute little video out here... ___________ /.---------.\`-._ // || `-._ || `-._ || `-._ || `-._ || `-._ || _____ ||`-._ \ _..._ || | __ ! || `-._ | _/ \|| .' |~~|| `-._ | .-`` _.`|| / _|~~|| .----. `-._| | _.` _|| | |23| || / :::: \ \ \ _.--` _.` || | |56| || / ::::: | | | _.-` _.|| | |79| || | _..-' / _\-` _.`O || | |_ || |::| | .` _.`O `._|| \ | || |::| | .-` _.` `._.' || '.__|--|| |::| \ `-._.-` \`-._ || | ": !|| | '-.._ | \ `--._|| |_:"___|| | ::::: | | \ /\ || ":":"|| \ :::: | | \( `-.|| .- || `.___/ / | | || _.- || | | / \\.-________\\____.....-----' \ -. \ | | \ `. \ \ | __________ `. .'\ \| |\ _________ LGB `..' \ | | \ \\ .' | / .`. | \.' | |.' `-._ \ _ . / \_\-._____) \_.-` .`'._____.'`. \_\-| | `._________.' Cell Phone Madness 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cellphone2.html --- ...Way too funny! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Hiring A New Cashier .::::, {{{{{;}}}} The bank manager was in the final stages of {{{{/ `}}}}} hiring a cashier and was down to two final {}}}}} _ _| applicants -- one of which would get the job. {{(`--(./-\.) {| _\ | The first one interviewed was from a small | \ __ / college in upstate New York. A nice young man, | '.__/ but a bit timid. .'` \ |_ jgs '-__ / `- Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale." "That's very good ... excellent. Your hired!" "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called." Jim answered" I don't care ...Yim ... or Mr. Yonson." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 13 is Sewing Machine Day June 14 is Flag Day and Monkey Around Day June 15 is Smile Power Day June 16 is Fresh Veggies Day June 17 is Eat Your Vegetables Day June 18 is Go Fishing Day, Panic Day, Picnic Day, Sushi Day, Hollerin' Contest Day, Splurge Day, And Juggler's Day June 19 is Father's Day, National Kissing Day and World Sauntering Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _ (_) _ (_) _ _ (_) _ (_) ). _(_) / \-'^.^ .-/ ____/ _ .-' / _ _\ (_) _/ __ () >( , )) (_)`` `\)( =_/ |^ / ()) '/ _.o_.-`.' o_....__/ _ (_,-'^/''_.-' `. `. / :`-'^ _.-`') `-u-'^ `. `.\\__.-'_.-'`/ . \`..__\ '---'` / .-^`. | \ o o`'') `./ \ / o \ <_ _/ /`-._____.:^\ / / | ____ / /` \ | .-.-'^ `\ /` | | / :--------7 /` \ __| / .' `` /` / `^ / / | / | / /`^\_ gnv`.____\ >Car Auction The auto auction I attended was selling cars to benefit charity. Vehicles were classified as either "Running" or "No Start." On the block was a No Starter. It had a shattered windshield, two missing tires, a sagging front bumper, a cockeyed grille, a hood that was sprung up at an angle, and dings and dents all over the body. Before he started the bidding, the auctioneer announced the car's year, make and model, and then read the owner's comments: "Please note - the radio does not work." -<>- >First Checkup We brought our newborn son to the pediatrician for his first checkup. As he finished, the doctor told us, "You have a cute baby." Smiling, I said, "I bet you say that to all new parents." "No," he replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking." "So what do you say to the others?" "He looks just like you." -<>- >Thoughtful Gift Jim asked Tony if he'd gotten his wife anything for Valentine's Day. Tony said, "Yes I did. I bought her a bag and a belt." Jim was shocked, "Really? That was very kind of you. I'm sure she will appreciate those." Tony replied, "I hope she appreciates them too and I hope the vacuum cleaner works a lot better now." (Note: Tony should be out of ICU any day now.) -<>- >Flight Information I am a reservations clerk for a commercial airline. A woman phoned one of my co-workers to ask if a particular flight had departed. While my friend was checking the information, the office cleaning staff turned on a vacuum cleaner behind her. "Never mind," the woman said. "I just heard it take off," and she hung up. -<>- >Government Car As my husband, the county highway commissioner, was driving to the hospital for treatment of his painful leg, he decided to use the valet parking service so he wouldn't have to walk far. Staring at his official-looking vehicle, one of the valets asked my husband if he was driving a government car. "Why, yes," my husband replied, surprised by the question. "In fact, it's an unmarked police car." "Wow" the young man said, sliding behind the wheel. "This will be the first time I've been in the front seat." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) __________________________ _.-'____ ___ ___ ___ .' _..--| |/ |__ __| || | U| | | | || | \/ | || | | | | | || | / \ || | | | | | || | \ / || | | | | | 8] | | || | | | | | || | | \| | | ,----==-_--. | | | || | | | | | < \/\/ (_ | | | | || | | | /| | '----..----' | | || || | 0 | | || '==| || | | || || | | | \| | || | | || || | | | | | || | | || || | | | | | || | | || || | | | | .' || | | | | |\ | /| | | || || | | | | |/ | \| | | || || | | | | || | | | | o || || | | | | 8] | | | | || || |-._| | || _| | _ |___|\ || || '-._'-|_||___/ '----|_( )_| |__|| || '-._|-._____,-._________________-. || '-__________ _____,._______| '' "" Petrus >SMILES A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. his mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. the little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. but about every 15 seconds or so, he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and slaps himself on the top of the head with his right hand. his mother says: "Billy, are you all right? you've been in here for a while." Billy says: "I'm fine, mommy.. I just haven't gone potty yet." Mother says: "ok, you can stay here a few more minutes. but Billy why are you hitting yourself on the head?" Billy says: "well, it works for ketchup." -------- It was Palm Sunday, and Sue's three year old son had to stay home from church because of strep throat. When the family returned home carrying palm branches, he asked what they were for. His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by." "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go, Jesus shows up!" -------- The General wanted to test gate security, and knowing that guards were currently under orders to shoot to kill if a car didn't stop, he zoomed through the front gate, past the guard, without stopping. The guard recognized him and saluted. The General backed up, and chewed the guard out, up one side and down the other, about following orders, shoot to kill, and guarding the gate of America's best. For some reason at the end he asked, "Do you have anything to tell me?" "Yes sir! Would you care to back up and try it again, sir?" -------- The Catholic Church's air conditioning broke down, so they had to hire a man to crawl around in the ducts and figure out what was wrong with it. As the man peeked down through one of the vents in the sanctuary, he saw little old Mrs. Murphy, kneeling by the altar, apparently saying her rosary. The man thought it would be fun to try and mess with the lady's mind. In his best authoritative voice, he stated, "This is Jesus. Your prayers will be answered." The little old lady didn't even blink -- just kept on saying her prayers. The man decided maybe she didn't hear him, and tried again. "This is Jesus, the Son of God! Your prayers will be answered!" Again, she didn't react at all. Mustering up a big breath of air, the man decided to try again. "THIS IS JESUS CHRIST, THE SON OF GOD! YOUR PRAYERS WILL BE ANSWERED!" The lady looks up and exclaims, "SHUT UP! I'M TALKING TO YOUR MOTHER!" -------- A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..." ------- A kid gave his teacher a blank piece of paper. Teacher: "What is this?" Kid: "It's a drawing of a cow eating grass." "Where's the grass?" "The cow ate all of it." "Then, where's the cow?" "It left because there was no more grass." -------- A man was caught by a cop with drugs in the bathroom. The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found them here and tried to flush them down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down, they magically reappear in my hand!" "I don't believe you," challenges the cop. "Show me." The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down. "Well," asks the cop, "where are the drugs now?" "What drugs?" -------- In dire need of a beauty make-over, I went to my salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous-haired model. I showed the stylist the trendy new cut I wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on my thin, graying hair. I was delighted by his cheerful attitude until I recognized the melody. It was the theme from "Mission: Impossible." --------- A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied. "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry." -------- Dan came home from work one evening and there was his wife Miriam in the kitchen crying out loud. "What's the matter, darling?" he asked her. "I just don't know what to do," said Miriam. "Because we were eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner - but the dog has just eaten it." "Don't worry," said Dan, "I'll get us another dog. -------- If life isn't worth living, what else can you do with it? --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Richard :) , .-'"'=;_ , |\.'-~`-.`-`;/| \.` '.'~-.` './ (\`,__=-'__,'/) _.-'-.( d\_/b ).-'-._ /'.-' ' .---. ' '-.`\ /' .' (= (_) =) '. `\ /' .', `-.__.-.__.-' ,'. `\ ( .'. V V ; '. ) ( |:: `-,__.-.__,-' ::| ) | /|`:. .:'|\ | | / | `:. :' |`\ | | | ( :. .: ) | | | | ( `:. :' ) | | | | \ :. .: / | | | | \`:. .:'/ | | ) ( `\`:. .:'/' ) ( ( `)_ ) `:._.:' ( _(` ) \ ' _) .' `. (_ ` / \ '_) / .'"```"'. \ (_` / `'"` \ ( ) / `"'` ___ jgs `.`. .'.' ___ .` ``"""'''--`_) (_'--'''"""`` `. (_(_(___...--'"'` `'"'--...___)_)_) >Strange Tips For Proper English * Avoid alliteration. Always. * Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. * Employ the vernacular. * Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. * Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. * Remember to never split an infinitive. * Contractions aren't necessary. * Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. * One should never generalize. * Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." * Comparisons are as bad as cliches. * Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. * Be more or less specific. * Understatement is always best. * One-word sentences? Eliminate. * Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. * The passive voice is to be avoided. * Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. * Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. * Who needs rhetorical questions? * Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. * Don't never use a double negation. * capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point * Do not put statements in the negative form. * Verbs have to agree with their subjects. * Proofread carefully to see if you words out. * If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing. * A writer must not shift your point of view. * And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.) * Don't overuse exclamation marks!! * Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents. * Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. * If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is. * Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors. * Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky. * Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing. * Always pick on the correct idiom. * The adverb always follows the verb. * Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives. --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks Richard! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) __....__ :._ .-:::::::::" .: '::""::::::::::::::' .-""":::_:::::::::::'/; .:-._.::| ""-::::;'|:;/.--. .:::::::-"'-._o.--.o-': . ':::. _.=::::::" .-": ":..:: . ::::. -:::::::::| .( 'T' -._. ::::::. -:::::::/::' |T--"""""--:| .:::::::::. ... .:::::'.::| ': :' ::''':::::;. ':::. .:::::' :::' :' "::::; :: ::::' ::| .: ::::. .:::::. :::::' ::| :' ':::: :::':::::::::' ... ::| __.' .: ':::. ..:::. ' "::::::::::' :::. "" :' '::: .:::::'' ':''::'' '::| .: .:::..::::.. ::| .: .:::::''':::::. ::| .: ':::::'' ''' ::| .:' ''' :::. .:' .:::| .::' ::::| .::::. ._.::::::. ..:::::::. '::::::::::''''::::::::: '':::::' ':::::::. .::::' ::::::' '':::. .::::' .... ':::. .:::' .... ::::::::::::::' '::::::::::::::::. '::::::::::''' '''''':::::::::' grp''' '' >More Proper English - Our Crazy English language! Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym. Do you think English is easy? THIS IS VERY CLEVER! I think a retired English teacher was bored... Read all the way to the end................. This took a lot of work to put together! 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese so one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'? You lovers of the English language might enjoy this too. There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.' It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special . A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning, but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. In Michigan, "UP" means "U.P." or "Upper Peninsula". One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now, my time is UP, so.......it is time to shut UP! Now it's UP to you to do what you want with this email --- ...TeeHee! Love it! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >Political News: http://rightalerts.com/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: I know I am going to sound histrionic, but the pernicious nature of the story I am about to share with you is so profound, so dangerous, that it cannot be overstated. I am sure I have mentioned civil asset forfeiture before. This is when police seize a person's assets, without any proof or even an arrest, if only there is a suspicion of illegal activity. Who has to have the suspicion? A grand jury? Nope. The police themselves, of course. It makes for a nice, little closed loop. The prime targets of this thriving enterprise are drivers, particularly interstate drivers on so-called drug corridors. The police love cash. So if you are pulled over on a highway where drugs have been known to be transported (read: pretty much anywhere) and the officer discovers you have money - he or she will take it. Why? Because it probably was, or will be, used in a drug transaction, you degenerate criminal. Oh, you can refuse, but then the police will arrest you at gunpoint and take it anyway. And if you are, in fact, just some innocent schmoe who happened to have 2,000 bucks on him for whatever reason, it is up to you to prove that the cash was obtained legally or was going to be used for a legitimate purpose. So hire a lawyer and drive back to Georgia or Tennessee next week, because you've got nothing better to do. If this sounds a lot like highway robbery, it is. In fact, it is pretty much the definition of highway robbery. If you think I am being hyperbolic or hysterical, go to youtube or google and type in 'civil asset forfeiture' and prepare for a few hours of blood-boiling entertainment. Now that I have you justifiably scared, let me introduce you to the new age of civil asset forfeiture. It's called the Electronic Recovery and Access to Data machine, or ERAD. It is a brave, new digital world, and sometimes cash is scarce, so now police have a machine which can seize money right out of your bank account or prepaid cards. The Oklahoma Highway Patrol just acquired 16 of these machines last month. Now, if a trooper suspects you may have money tied to some type of crime, the highway patrol can scan any cards you have and seize the money! "We're gonna look for different factors in the way that you're acting," Oklahoma Highway Patrol Lt. John Vincent said. "We're gonna look for if there's a difference in your story. If there's someway that we can prove that you're falsifying information to us about your business." Did you get that? The way you're acting. So if you're acting nervous, uncomfortable or frightened, like if an armed thug is poking around in your personal affairs and property, they can drain your checking account. Fuck next month's mortgage payment, that's drug money. I know it sounds like dystopian fiction, and I wish it were, but it is happening right now. Don't believe me? I urge you to look the story up yourself. -<>- Caitlyn Jenner is a rank amateur compared to the scam artist in today's story, who has used his/her gender ambiguity to not only rob his/her victim, but did it by marrying him. And it gets better. The groom, named Mr. Wang, proposed to his 'girl'friend when she told him that she was pregnant! The couple, who met on a dating website, had a big wedding. However, just three days after the wedding, the bride disappeared. She took the wedding gifts and his valuables, and she vanished without a trace. Shortly after the incident, another man called police to report that he had met a girl online and she extorted a lot of money. Police went to an Internet cafe, where they managed to make contact with the woman and they lured her there. However, when the suspect arrived, she was dressed as a man and her identity card showed that she is 27-year-old Miao Songtao. Police searched his home and found wigs, dresses and high heels as well as skimpy ladies underwear and cosmetics. According to police, Miao said that he "was not sure if he liked men or women, but was quite fond of money." He allegedly told police that in more than a year, he had managed to date 11 men and he got hundreds of thousands of RMB (Chinese currency) out of them. Police contacted the victims, and that is when Wang learned that he was scammed into marrying a man instead of "his pregnant girlfriend." While the story did not specify, we would have to assume Miao is what they call 'post-op'. Because if s/he isn't, then the process for getting pregnant in China is WAY different than anywhere else in the world. *------ Drunk Driver Wore Chastity Device ------* A Tennessee man arrested last month for drunk driving told police that he needed to retrieve a key from his vehicle so that he would be able to unlock a "chastity belt that was attached to his privates," according to court records. In addition to the chastity belt, the 35-year-old driver, was wearing a white skirt, "white and pink leggings," and black high heel shoes, a police report notes. The 5' 9", 230-pound man also had a ribbon tied in his goatee. The driver reported that there were two keys for the chastity belt. One, he said, was on the key chain in his Toyota Tundra. The second key was on a necklace worn by his girlfriend. So we know who wears the pants in this relationship. I think if you're going to drive around in public with a chastity device on your dingdong while wearing a skirt and high heels, you'd probably need to be a little toasted. *----- The Way They Handle Things in Oregon -----* An Oregon man who tried to steal a bicycle had his plans foiled by a horse-riding vigilante. Local news reported that a woman saw the man riding away on her bicycle outside of a local Walmart at about 10 a.m. when the Good Samaritan mounted his horse and lassoed the would-be thief. Several other bystanders joined in the pursuit and the horseback hero stayed and kept the suspect restrained until police arrived. Police spokesman Officer Chris Adams said that the suspect was booked on suspicion of theft following the incident. *------------ It's Not Always Gators ------------* A Florida woman captured video of a pair of unusual backyard visitors brought on by high tide waters -- hungry manatees. Nancy Smith said in an Instagram post the two manatees first visited her St. Petersburg back yard Sunday after rain waters caused the tide to extend about a foot over the seawall, allowing the aquatic mammals to swim right up to her freshly mowed grass for a snack. Smith, who lives in the Riviera Bay area, said the manatees were "munching" for about 30 minutes. One of the visitors returned the following day for another snack of grass. "It happened again! Rain made the water rise over the seawall even more than yesterday, and a manatee just climbed up to munch on our grass! Another awesome experience. Wish you could be here to see it, too!" Smith wrote on Instagram. *------------ The Ninja of Serpents ------------* We should all be environmentally conscious. It is our planet, after all, and we all have to live here. But one Brazilian activist took things a bit extreme when he filmed himself walking across broken glass while holding five snakes in his mouth to raise awareness of deforestation. Arteval Duarte, an activist promoting preservation of the Amazon Rainforest, filmed himself holding the tails of five living snakes in his mouth whole walking across a trail of broken glass in the state of Para. Duarte often involves snakes in his demonstrations and calls himself 'The Ninja of Serpents.' The activist previously released a video online showing him holding the heads of four live snakes in his mouth to raise awareness of the Amazon's plight. --- ...Weird dude... https://www.youtube.com/user/Cobrasvenenossas ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ___ _...__ .-' '--._ .'_ '-. .' .--._ '-._ .'.' \ '. / /__ `'. '. / / `\ \ / / '-. `\ \ /'/' \ | | | '. `\`\ / / _.-'| | | | \ \ \ / / .' | / \ / '. | |,-~-,/ / .' \ / '--' __\ /__ '._.' ." '. .' ". | '. .' | \ ', '. .' .' / /'-.""-._ \ / _.-"".-'\ _.=='''--,/ '/_.--._\'V'/_.--._\' \,--'''--._ .' _'-.__0_;\ /;_0__.-'_ ' '. / ,____..-'\'. """ -'/'--..____, \ / ' \ .=. / ` \ | __ '-. .-=-. .-' __ | \ _.--'' ''---'. .-=-. .'---'' ''--._ / '----' .-' ___ '-. `----' jgs ( ' ' ) '. _ .' '--/ \--' |#| \_/ >More Proper English... We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and there would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim! Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, What do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship... We have noses that run and feet that smell. We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language In which your house can burn up as it burns down, In which you fill in a form by filling it out, And in which an alarm goes off by going on. And in closing.......... If Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop.??? --- ...Fascinating huh? LOL! Thanks Linda! -<>- >For Us Older Folks... THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY! We Must Stop This Immediately! Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader? I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be! Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror. Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually 'believe' the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling? I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there! All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities. PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED! PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were. --- ...HaHa! Thanks Linda! ======================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: /\ / / /\| | | | |/\ | | / / | ` / `\ (___ _.-> ,-.-. _.' | \ \ / _____| 0 |0\ | /` `^-.\.-'`-._ | | `-._ | : `. \ `._ `-.__ O.' _.--, \ `._ __.^--._O_..-' `---, `. `\ /` ` ` `\ `, `\ | | : ; | / `. ___|__|___ / `. ( ) / `---.:____...---' `--------`. / ( `. __ `. | `---------' _ / \ \ | .-. _._ (_) `--' \ | ( ) / \ \ \ `-' \ / ;-._ \ `-' \ .' `. /`. `\ `\ _.-'`-. `.___ | `-._ `\ `\.-' `-. ,--` \ `--.___ ___`\ \ ||^\\ `._ | ``----'' `. `\ `' ` `--; \ jgs `. `. //^||^\\ //^||^\\ ' `' ` ' ' ` I spotted several pairs of men's Levi's jeans at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head. "I'm still wearing the 33s," he said. "Come back next year." -<>- My sister didn't do as well on her driver's ed test as she'd hoped. It might have had something to do with how she completed this sentence: "When the ___ is dead, the car won't start." She wrote: "Driver." -<>- My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife who was trying to feed her said to me, "Straighten her up." I looked at my daughter and said, "What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It's time to grow up and take some responsibility." My wife hasn't asked me to help with her since. -<>- I was in a couple's home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. "Start with a capital S, then 123," she shouted back. We tried S123 several times, but it didn't work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, "I really don't know what's so difficult about typing 'Start123.'" -<>- On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt. Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen always die." -<>- At Sunday school they were teaching how God created every- thing, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later that day his mother noticed him lying down, curled up on the floor as though he were ill. She said, "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm gonna have a wife!" -<>- Five surgeons are having drinks together at a surgical convention and making jokes... The first, a Florida surgeon, says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second, a Michigan surgeon, responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is color coded." The third, a California surgeon, says: "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside of them is in alphabetical order." The fourth, an New York surgeon, chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over." But the fifth, from Washington D.C. shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no brains, no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable." -<>- While at a marine-supply store stocking up on equipment for my boat, I also purchased an inflatable life preserver. "It was my wife's idea," I explained to the grizzled salesman at the counter. "She's buying it for me as a gift." "Lucky you," he said as he started to write up the order. "My wife got me a length of chain and a cement block." -<>- Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is. "Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home." "What kind of question?" asked Tom. "My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly." "That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'". "Yeah," said Eric, "That's what I did, except I said, 'Of course I DO....'" -<>- I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?" ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Bleed America!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bleed.html Freedom Isn't Free!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedom.html Jacob's US Flag http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jacobsflag.html Nation's Tallest Flagpole! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flagpole.html Why Trump? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whytrump.html Growing Old!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/growingold.html Typewriter Art 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/typeart2.html Mirror Reflection!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mirror.html Blind Woman Sees!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blindsees.html Dog Rescue Stories!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescues.html Fairy Garden Pot Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/potart.html Sand Sculpture Art 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart3.html Akiane Child Prodigy!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html Church Mouse Wisdom!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/churchmouse.html Wang Yu's Little Critters!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinaart.html Legrand's Whimsical Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/legrandart.html Kinkade - Painter Of Light!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kinkade.html Jeff Nishinaka's Paper Sculptures!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/paperart2.html -<>- >Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :) Fun Pages http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559 -<>- >Follow Me On StumbleUpon: http://tinyurl.com/jqdvv65 -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us one we have here... About Dogs And People http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aboutdogs.html --- ...A Sweet reminder! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Judicial watch - because nobody is above the law http://tinyurl.com/htn98rz --- ...Wish it were so! Thanks Geniann! Looks like Hillary may get a pass and if she doesn't Obama will more than likely give her a pardon when he leaves! 'The Fix Is In': Judge Jeanine Says Obama Is Complicit in Hillary Email Scandal http://tinyurl.com/zmojstn -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) There is real magic going on here. It's unbelievable. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KrdBUFeFtY A good magician is a master of sleight of hand and distraction and has a charismatic personality. However, a master magician can do all of that, plus show you something you haven't seen before. This magician may seem like the worst you've seen, but that is all an act... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRmD5l37Q7k Magician Richard Jones performs a couple cool illusions that wow the judges on Britain's Got Talent 2016. He uses some cool origami and works in some of Britain's favorite things like David Beckham and tea to leave the audience in awe. It takes a lot to impress Simon and the other judges and Richard does that with these two magic tricks. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5VQe7p-710 --- ...Fun to watch! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new survey found that the average American child watches 24 hours of TV every week. In fact, experts say it's important for parents to lay down the law and tell their kids to get outside and look at their phones." --Jimmy Fallon "Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles." -Conan O'Brien "A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door." -Seth Meyers "Last week, a 90-year-old letter to Santa Claus was found in a chimney. On the bright side, the 96-year-old who wrote the letter is still alive and finally got that tricycle." -Conan O'Brien "Italian chefs recently set a new world record after making a mile-long pizza that took five ovens and over 11 hours to bake. It got weird when the person who ordered the pizza was like, 'Ooh, I said no pepperoni.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Here's some strange fashion news. According to The New York Times, the monocle is back in style. Unless you're a Batman villain or a giant salted peanut, you should not wear a monocle." -Jimmy Kimmel "One of the winners of this year's Scripps National Spelling Bee has an older brother who won the competition in 2014. Or as their dad put it, 'I'm just going to throw these baseball mitts away.'" -Jimmy Fallon "People have been selling fake parking spaces. They charge people to park in spots that they have no ownership of. Here's a tip to avoid becoming a victim of this fraud. If you find a parking space during the festival, it's a scam." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that information should help you finally get some sleep." -Seth Meyers "In Pennsylvania, a 100-year-old woman has broken the world record for the 100-yard dash in her age group. She won with the record-setting time of '"Wednesday.'" -Conan O'Brien "The parents of a baby who was recently born on a Jetstar plane have announced that they are naming him after the airline. Baby Jetstar is now at home joining his older sister, Megabus." -Seth Meyers "In Venezuela the president announced today that they are moving to a two-day workweek. And this news is incredible because not only does a two-day workweek sound amazing, but it makes for the perfect amount of office small talk. Like, day one: 'How was your weekend?' Day two: 'Any big plans for the weekend?'" -James Corden "A JetBlue pilot had to appear in court today after being caught flying into New York's Kennedy Airport while drunk. Apparently he kept turning on the cabin intercom to tell the passengers how much he loved them." -Seth Meyers "We have less than 100 days to go until the summer Olympics. It's less than 100 days until people at home in sweatpants eating potato chips are like, 'I could do that.'" -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************