Puns, Blondes And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This fun new page is a compilation from forwards from our friends Geniann, Linda, Karen And LouiseA. It is sure to bring you smiles and warm your heart. Turn on your sound, give it plenty of time to load and check it out here... _.---. |\---/| / ) ca| ------------; |-/ /|foo|--- ) (' / `---' ===========( ,'========== || _ | | || o/ ) | | o || ( ( / ; || \ `._/ / || `._ /| || |\ _/|| __||_____.' ) |__||____________ ________\ | |_________________ \ \ `-. `-`---' hjw Pet Helpers! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pethelpers.html --- ...Such a delightful one! Thank You Ladies! -<>- *~* We Had A Fabulous Month Of Sharing And Caring Last Month! _.---.._ _.---...__ .-' /\ \ .' /\ / `. ( ) \ / ( ) / `. \/ .'\ /`. \/ .' ``---'' ) ( ``---'' .';.--.;`. .' /_...._\ `. .' `.a a.' `. ( \/ ) `.___..-'`-..___.' \ / `-.____.-' Felix Lee Please Check These Out And Share Them With All Your Friends: Tallest Flagpole http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/flagpole.html Human Progress http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humanprogress.html Growing Old http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/growingold.html Inspiring Seniors http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/inspiringseniors.html Blind Woman Sees http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/blindsees.html Mug Shots http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/mugshots.html Come Smile With Me http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smilewithme.html Look Who's Talking 9 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/talking9.html Obama Saga http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/obamasaga.html Dog Rescue Stories http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/dogrescues.html Animals First Snow http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/animalsfirstsnow.html Kids On God http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/kidsonGod.html . ,. T."-._..---.._,-"/| l|"-. _.v._ (" | [l /.'_ \; _~"-.`-t Y " _(o} _{o)._ ^.| j T ,--. T ] \ l ( /-^-\ ) ! ! \. \. "~" ./ /c-..,__ ^r- .._ .- .-" `- . ~"--. > \. \ ] ^. \ 3 . "> . Y -Row ,.__.--._ _j \ ~ . ; | ( ~"-._~"^._\ ^. ^._ I . l "-._ ___ ~"-,_7 .Z-._ 7" Y ; \ _ /" "~-(r r _/_--._~-/ / /,.--^-._ / Y "-._ '"~~~>-._~]>--^---./____,.^~ ^.^ ! ~--._ ' Y---. \./ ~~--._ l_ ) \ ~-._~~~---._,____..--- \ ~----"~ \ \ *~* Bunches Of Hugs And Blessings In Christ To All Our Contributors! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: , A Spelling Lesson... /) // (/ If GH stands for P as in Hiccough _/ ______ If OUGH stands for O as in Dough ) ( (-----( If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis /INK\ \ \ If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour \___/ \ \ If TTE stands for T as in Gazette jgs _)_____) If EAU stands for O as in Plateau `------` The right way to spell POTATO should be: GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU If GH stands for F as in Rough If O stands for I as in Women If TION stands for SH as in Solution The right way to spell FISH should be GHOTION ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ March 2 is Old Stuff Day March 3 is I Want You to be Happy Day and Peach Blossom Day March 4 is Holy Experiment Day and Hug a GI Day March 5 is Multiple Personality Day March 6 is Dentist's Day and National Frozen Food Day March 7 is National Crown Roast of Pork Day March 8 is Be Nasty Day and International (Working) Women's Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _____....--' .' ___...---'._ o -`( ___...---' \ .--. `\ ___...---' | \ \ `| | |o o | | | | \___'.-`. '. | | `---' '^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^' LGB >Borrowing Our neighbor loaned me his old chain saw to trim some tree branches. Unfortunately, the engine burned out while I was using it. Not wanting to return a broken piece of equipment, I bought a new saw to replace it. When I offered it to our neighbor, he thanked me but said, "Keep it. I'll just borrow it when I need it." I was turning away when his eyes lit up. "Hey," he asked, "want to borrow my truck?" -<>- >Diet Doctor Mary decides to consult a diet doctor. "What's the most you've ever weighed?" he asks her. "One hundred fifty-nine pounds." "And the least?" "Six pounds four ounces." -<>- >Endorsement I was preparing to go cash a paycheck when I realized my husband hadn't signed it. So I sent our four-year-old daughter upstairs to "get Daddy's name on the back of it." She came back, handed it to me, and said, "I knew his name so I did it myself." On the back of the check, she had printed, "D-A-D". -<>- >Out of Place At our daughter's high school graduation, I couldn't help noticing a young man sporting a long bleached blond ponytail sprouting from the top of his otherwise shaved head. A heavy link chain hung around his neck, and one ear displayed several earrings. I had to smile when I heard him say to his friend, "Man, I feel so out of place. I'm the only guy here not wearing a tie." -<>- >Phone Conversation A woman of our acquaintance was in the habit of having long telephone conversations that usually lasted over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes. "What is the matter?" asked her husband. "You were on the phone talking for less than half an hour." "I got a wrong number," the woman replied. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) .-. [.-''-., | //`~\) (<| 0\0|>_ ";\ _"/ \\_ _, __\|'._/_ \ '='-, It's Like MAgic! /\ \ || )_///_\>> ( '._ T |\ | _/),-' '. '._.-' /'/ | | '._ _.'`-.._/ snd ,\ / '-' |/ [_/\-----j _.--.__[_.--'_\__ / `--' '---._ / '---. -'. .' _.-- '. \_ '--.___ _;.-o / '.__ ___/______.__8----' >SMILES I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch. I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center. The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I'm saving $79.95 a month. -------- My son is proof that anyone can be successful enough to drive a BMW or Mercedes. And besides, he looks so cute in his valet parking attendant uniform. -------- The preacher's five-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked. -------- A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!" -------- A manager walks by his blonde secretary's desk when he notices she is crying her eyes out. Concerned for her well being, he asked her gently: "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call, saying that my aunt had passed away. "The boss, feeling very sorry for her, suggests to the young girl. "Why don’t you take a day off, go home and rest. We're not very busy, so just take this time for yourself." The blonde very calmly replies, "No, I’d be better off here. It's good to keep my mind off it, and I have the best chance of doing that working." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work, as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know." A few hours pass, the boss decides to check up on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her asking, "What’s so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?" "No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just received a horrible call from my sister and she said that HER aunt died, too!" ------- ________________ '------._.------'\ \_______________\ .'| .'| .'_____________.' .| | | | | Scooby _.-. | . | | * (_.-' | | | Snacks | .| | * * | .' |______________|.' LGB Where do pets come from? A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?" Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us." And God said, "I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves." And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal." And God said, "I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG." And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail. After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well." And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration." And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved. And God was pleased. And Dog was happy. And Cat didn't give a darn one way or the other. ------- A nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up. The attendant regretfully told her that the only can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men walked by. One of them turned to the other and said: "Now that is what I call faith!" -------- A local priest and pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car. One driver that drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them: "Leave us alone, you bible thumping religious nuts!" All of a sudden they heard a big SPLASH! The priest and the pastor looked at each other, and they said each other. "Do you think we should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out' instead?'" -------- A recently ordained pastor was invited fishing by two senior pastors. They rowed their boat out into the middle of a lake and started casting. Suddenly, one of the senior pastors says, "I forgot my bait. I'll be right back." Then he hops out of the boat, walks across the water to shore. A few minutes later, he comes walking back and gets in the boat. The junior pastor is astonished, but manages to keep it to himself. A bit later, the other senior pastor says, "I forgot my sunscreen. I'll be right back." Then he hops out of the boat, walks across the water to shore. A few minutes later, he comes walking back and gets in the boat. The junior pastor is now certain that these are two men of supreme faith. However, he doesn't want to appear less spiritual. After a few moments, the junior pastor says, "I forgot my lunch. I'll be right back." He hops out of the boat and plunges straight to the bottom of the lake. One senior pastor turns to the other and says, "We probably should have told him about the stepping stones." ------- Order In The Court These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters. ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?" WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. ------- I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child." -------- My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told before, I gave him a kick under the table. There was no response, so I gave him another poke. Still the story went on. Suddenly he stopped, grinned and said, "Oh, but I've told you this one before, haven't I?" We all chuckled and changed the subject. Later, on the dance floor, I asked my husband why it had taken him so long to get my message. "What do you mean?" he replied. "I cut the story off as soon as you kicked me." "But I kicked you twice and it still took you awhile to stop!" Suddenly we realized what had happened. Sheepishly we returned to our table. The boss smiled and said, "Don't worry. After the second one I figured it wasn't for me, so I passed it along!" -------- A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain. The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken." ------- The father was very proud when his son went off to college. He came to tour the school on Parents' Day and observed his son hard at work in the chemistry lab. "What are you working on?" he asked. "A universal solvent," explained the son, " a solvent that'll dissolve anything." The father whistled, clearly impressed, then wondered aloud, "What'll you keep it in?" -------- A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop after hours was astounded to see a suspicious looking man in a black ski mask come hurling headfirst through the window. "What on earth are you up to? What happened?!" he demanded. "I'm terribly sorry," said the man, "I forgot to let go of the brick." -------- The skydiving instructor said to the class, "Now, when you get to 300 feet you start preparing to land." A blonde interrupted. "How do you know when you're at 300 feet?" "A good question. At 300 feet you can recognize the faces of people on the ground." "But what happens if there's no one there I know?" -------- There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from head to toe. I said to him, "What do you do for a living?" He said, "I'm a former window washer." I asked, "When did you give it up?" He replied, "Halfway down." --- ...LOL! Good Ones! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: In 1258 the Mongols laid siege to Baghdad and committed one of history's greatest crimes. Upon taking the city the Mongols sacked The Grand Library of Baghdad (as well as most of the rest of the city), destroying countless precious historical documents and books on subjects from medicine to astronomy. Survivors said that the waters of the Tigris ran black with ink from the enormous quantities of books that were thrown into the river. Baghdad at the time was one of the most brilliant intellectual centers in the world. Lord knows how far back progress was held when the Mongols destroyed the accumulated wisdom of ages. Thank God culture and understanding have advanced a lot in 757 years. Or has it? A video has surfaced recently of Islamic State militants ransacking the central museum in Mosul, Iraq, destroying priceless artifacts that are thousands of years old. The destruction of artifacts that date from the Assyrian and Akkadian empires drew ire from the international community. "The birthplace of human civilization is being destroyed," said Kino Gabriel, one of the leaders of the Syriac Military Council in a telephone interview. "In front of something like this, we are speechless. Murder of people and destruction is not enough, so even our civilization and the culture of our people is being destroyed." The five-minute video begins with a Qur'anic verse on idol worship. An ISIS representative then speaks to the camera, condemning Assyrians and Akkadians as polytheists, justifying the destruction of the artifacts and statues. The militants then smash the statues with hammers, drills and jackhammers. How can history have so little value? *-- Pranksters install toilet, sink at British bus shelter --* WOOD STREET VILLAGE, England (UPI) - Pranksters in an English town installed a toilet, sink and toilet paper holder at an outdoor bus stop, local officials said. Worplesdon Parish Council Clerk Gaynor White said pranksters have repeatedly targeted Worplesdon bus stops with acts of destructive vandalism, but the latest act, discovered Monday in Wood Street Village, is in its own league. "I received a phone call just before midday and the groundsman said 'you will never guess what I have found,'" she told Get Surrey. "I have been the parish clerk for 15 and a half years, and I have never seen anything like it -- it is hysterical really." "The key question is -- should this be considered a bus shelter improvement or simply money down the drain?" White quipped. "Perhaps we should ask parishioners to share a penny for their thoughts on this one?" White said she does not believe the pranksters behind the toilet installation were responsible for previous incidents that led to costly repairs. "This time is different," White said. "It was creative. The others incidents were actually destructive." White said the toilet and sink were bolted into place, but weren't connected to any water source. However, she said someone apparently put the toilet to use. "Although trialed by someone, the new facility has now been removed by the vice-chairman of the parish council and myself," she told the Guildford Dragon. "I took the bathroom fittings to the dump at lunchtime today." "The fun police have been to take the fun away, you could say," White told Get Surrey. *-- For rent: Hungarian village of 26 -- $780 per day --* MEGYER, Hungary (UPI) - A Hungarian village listed for rent will allow customers to name themselves deputy mayor for a weekend and give their own temporary names to streets. The village of Megyer, which boasts a population of only 26, is being listed for rent on website jofogas.hu for the price of about $780 per day. The rental package includes seven guest houses sleeping a total 39 people, six horses, two cows, three sheep and a chicken yard. The town, which is looking to boost tourism revenue, also boasts four streets, a bus stop and 10 acres of farmland. Mayor Kristof Pajer said renters will be temporarily dubbed deputy mayor and will have the ability to assign their own temporary street names. Pajer said the guest houses are maintained by a a social cooperative run by the municipal authority, and the properties belong to private residents who transferred maintenance rights to the cooperative. *-- College dean gets box of fake IDs meant for student named Dean --* RADNOR, Pa. (UPI) - Four Radnor Township college students who ordered fake IDs from China made a cringe-worthy blunder. Police said an 18-year-old college student named Dean ordered a box of fake IDs and had them shipped to his campus address. What the student probably didn't think about was he shared the same name with a dean at his school. The package was delivered to the administrator, who open the box and found eight realistic-looking IDs, one complete with the student's real name. "You can't make this up," Radnor Police Superintendent William Colarulo told the Philadelphia Inquirer. Police linked the fake IDs to four 18-year-old men, but would not identify the men or the college. Local schools include Villanova University, Cabrini College, Eastern University and Valley Forge Military Academy and College. Police tracked the package to Guangzhou, China, and said it is part of a larger problem with fraudulent identification. The cards are easy to get and can be used for far more than sneaking into bars. There are many people who use these to commit forgery or credit card fraud," police Lt. Chris Flanagan said. The students are not facing criminal charges but have been referred to their parents and may face school sanctions. *-- Australian fisherman reels in German World War I grenade --* PERTH, Australia (UPI) - Police in Western Australia said a fisherman reeled in an unusual find Tuesday -- an unexploded German grenade from World War I. Western Australia Police said a man fishing off the Applecross Jetty in Perth about 2 a.m. Tuesday reeled in an object that appeared to be an explosive device and police called in a Bomb Response Unit, which identified the object as a 1915 German Granatenwerfer grenade without a fuse. The object, which is also known as a pineapple bomb due to its resemblance to the fruit, was transported by Navy personnel to a safe area for disposal, police said. Geoff Smith of the Western Australian Arms and Armament Society told The Guardian the grenade was likely brought back to Australia as a souvenir following the war. "It has to have been brought back by someone and then dumped. It's the only way it could have got there," Smith said. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) ,---,_ , _> `'-. .--'/ .--'` ._ `/ <_ >,-' ._'.. ..__ . ' '-. .-' .'` `'. '. > / >`-. .-'< \ , '._\ / ; '-._> <_.-' ; '._> `> ,/ /___\ /___\ \_ / `.-|(| \o_/ \o_/ |)|` jgs \; \ ;/ \ .-, )-. / /` .'-'. `\ ;_.-`.___.'-.; >Puns for Educated Minds How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.... Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool . I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. Jokes about German sausages are the wurst. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. When chemists die, apparently they barium. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble. Broken pencils are pretty much pointless. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx. All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. Velcro - what a rip off! --- ...LOL! These are rich! Thanks Geniann! -<>- -''--. _`> `\.-'< _.' _ '._ .' _.=' '=._ '. >_ / /_\ /_\ \ _< / ( \o/\\o/ ) \ >._\ .-,_)-. /_.< jgs /__/ \__\ '---' >Psychopath Test Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right. A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister. Question: What was her motive for killing her sister? [Give this some thought before you answer] . . . . . Answer: She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you. If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off my email list. --- ...This is a classic scary one! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: : \ _ / -= (_) =- ,________|_] | // // // | |//_//_//_/| ||""""""""|| ||________|| |.========.| jgs || || Accident Report. I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient: I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured scull and broken collar- bone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel, slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel six stories above - I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope! -<>- As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harm- lessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked..." -<>- ,____________, .' '. /~~~~^~~~^~^~~~\ / _ /|| \ ; ( } \||D ; | | /\__,=[_] | ; ( |_\_ |---| ; \ )| |/ | | / jgs'. | /_ | |.' '------------' Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags. He always did this with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel. Mr. Smith walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides. "I believe that luggage is mine. Were your bags marked like this?" he asked. "Actually," the man replied, "I was wondering who did this to my luggage." -<>- When I was younger I worked in a Mom and Pop convenience store. A woman came into the store and walked straight up to me without even shopping and asked if I had any baby nipples. I told her, "no ma'am, mine are fully grown." Luckily she got a kick out of it and I sold her the nipples for a baby bottle. -<>- I have my changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting. -<>- The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. "Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like the government is going to cut the military forces. They are going to eliminate six over-aged destroyers." To which the husband replies, "Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm sure you'll miss your mother when she's gone." -<>- This Strange English Language. We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim. -<>- Feeling guilty about sneaking out of the house for a game of golf, I left my wife a lighthearted note invoking the name of my idol, Arnold Palmer: "I am playing golf. --Arnie." When I returned home five hours later, I found a note beneath mine: "I am shopping. --Ivana." ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) ."""-. / \ | _..--'-. >.`__.-"";"` / /( ^\ '-`) =|-. /`--.'--' \ .-. .'`-._ `.\ | J / jgs / `--.| \__/ >You May Be A Radical Muslim." 1. If you refine heroin for a living but you have a moral objection to liquor, you may be a Radical Muslim. 2. If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher but you can't afford shoes, you may be a Radical Muslim. 3. If you have more wives than teeth, you may be a Radical Muslim. 4. If you wipe your bum with your bare hand but consider bacon to be unclean, you may be a Radical Muslim. 5. If you think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide, you may be a Radical Muslim. 6. If you can't think of anyone you haven't declared jihad against, you may be a Radical Muslim. 7. If you consider television dangerous but routinely carry explosives in your clothing, you may be a Radical Muslim. 8. If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs, you may be a Radical Muslim. 9. If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four, you may be a Radical Muslim. 10. If you find this offensive or racist and don't forward it, you may be a Radical Muslim. --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->From The Jokester: .---. / \ | - - | (| ' ' |) | (_) | `//=\\' (((())) )))(( (()))) ))(( (() jgs )) ( >Think About This! Why do they waste all that money installing 15 checkout lines and then only use two? We have to believe in free will. We have no choice. A politician leads an active life. When he/she isn't straddling an issue, he/she is dodging one. The person who spends all of today bragging about what he is going to accomplish tomorrow probably did the very same thing yesterday. You can't have everything. Where would you put it? If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do? If you get cut off while driving, smile - you did it to someone yesterday. The great thing about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it has stopped snowing. A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once. When a man wants to believe something, it doesn't take much to convince him. Whoever said there is no such thing as a stupid question has never worked in customer service. -<>- . L\ .-""-. |\_ / (--> \ \ \'--.)_>_=/_( \ )`-._/|_,( _. |_\ (_ ( \ /.- .' `\ ) \_/\ \.'/ _.','\ _/\ ( '._/ /_/` \ / jgs '-..-'] >Most Embarrassing Moments 1. "It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled, "SURPRISE!" My entire family - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and all my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again." ,sSSSs, S.).`SSs S\-_SSs` ) \_ /_/( \ /\ \ \ / /\__(// //` | \) /_\ | / (___) | | |___| || \ || / jgs //-| //_/Y 2. One of the funniest "most embarrassing moment" stories I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checkout, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear: 'PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN. TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE'. That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word tampax' for THUMBTACKS'. In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: 'DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?' -<>- ,@@@@@@@, @@@@@@@@@@, /_ _ `@@@@ /_ ?@@@ /_ )@@@ (__ ,-;@@@@, jgs / (@@@@@ >The Light Bulb... A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found a patient sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. A second patient was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked the first patient what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of the first patient what the other patient was doing. The first patient replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb." The doctor looks up and notices the second patient's face is going all red. The doctor asks the first patient, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself." The first patient replies, "What? And work in the dark?" ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Funny Animal Facts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/zoo2.html World's Fastest Cars! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html Amazing Trivia Facts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviafacts.html Lambeau Field Tribute! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/footballvet.html Arrows Across America! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/arrows.html Amazing Athlete Homes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviafacts.html Humor In Religion 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion3.html God's Bumper Stickers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gbumper.html Beautiful Exotic Birds 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exoticbirds2.html Eagle Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglerescue.html Maria The Goose http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html At The Car Wash http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carwash.html Fairy Tale Homes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fairytale.html Disney Tree Of Life http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneytree.html -<>- >From Voice Of The Martyrs: http://www.persecution.com/public/homepage.aspx God is winning in hostile and restricted nations! You may not hear that on the evening news, but you can hear it directly from Christians who live and work in hostile nations by attending a VOM Regional Conference in your area. http://tinyurl.com/o5auhu2 Spend your Saturday with us being inspired by testimonies of believers willing to give all for their faith in Christ learning how you can bless and encourage these believers meeting Christians from your area who share your heart for persecuted believers There is no charge to attend, but pre-registration is requested. Come, connect and be inspired by our persecuted family! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) She sent us ones we have here... Colorful Birds http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birds3.html One Word Essay http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/essay.html --- ...These are awesome! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) http://www.ic3.gov/default.aspx Daily Kitten - A New Cute Kitten Picture & Story Every Day - http://dailykitten.com/ I Do Dog Tricks http://www.idodogtricks.com/index_flash.html 2 Men Laugh At Soldier Memorial, Watch This Guard Set Em Straight http://tinyurl.com/ldldxzx --- ...Great Links! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend LousieA :) The 'Amazing Barry' performs a very unique magic trick for WISH-TV in Indianapolis, combining his conjouring skills with a passion for yoga. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJEfQDMckl8&feature=player_embedded Dom DeLuise performs the 'egg trick' at The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Amazing! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pl0B2JhZTF0&feature=player_embedded --- ...HaHa! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Congress is considering a law that would allow commuters to bring their dogs and cats on Amtrak trains. It's all part of their plan to make Amtrak smell better." -Jimmy Fallon "The Kardashian family has signed a deal keeping them on the air for four more years and paying them $100 million. So let that be a lesson. If you really work hard and apply yourself, you are wasting your time." -Seth Meyers "Police in Florida are searching for someone who stole 360,000 nickels during a house party. Police believe the suspect is almost to the end of the street." -Seth Meyers "Wal-Mart announced that it will increase its employees' hourly wages by 40 percent. Workers are pretty excited because they'll finally make enough money to shop at Target." -Jimmy Fallon "A new study suggests dishwashers may increase a child's risk of developing allergies. So the message is clear: Stop washing your kids in the dishwasher!" -Conan O'Brien "An Australian man tried to rob a gas station with a boomerang. Police expect he'll return to the scene of the crime." -Craig Ferguson "Scientists in northern California and Oregon found that marijuana gardens are threatening the salmon population. I don't see the problem, really. Everyone loves baked salmon." -Seth Meyers "A New York fitness expert has released an exercise book for nuns called, 'Changing Habits: The Sister's Workout.' The Vatican rejected the original title, 'Nuns of Steel.'" --Conan O'Brien "Alaska today officially legalized marijuana for recreational use. But there are some special rules. You're not allowed to smoke marijuana in public, and you have to follow special disposal rules. You can't just throw a joint in the trash. The last thing you want is a grizzly with the munchies." -Jimmy Kimmel >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************