Putting Two And Two Together ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) >Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press... Our latest new page is from our friend Jo Ann. Seems I was calling her JJ because her emails suddenly started coming in without her normal email addy and I didn't recognize that they were from her! [I felt absolutely awful about it and immediately apologized when I realized I hadn't been putting two and two together]. This one had me awe-struck and I had to do up a page on it because it was just so unique! See what you think! ________________________________________________ /\______________________________________________/`-. <()>____________________________________________< ## \/______________________________________________\,-' unknown Pencil Furniture http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pencilf.html --- ...Sorry again Jo Ann and Thanks Bunches! --- >We have another new page from our friend Lorraine. It was such an adorable forward that I just had to do it up as a page. See what you think - Check it out here and be sure to watch the video added at the end - By the Hillsong Kids - Sure to bless you too! . |\ /| \ / | \ .'. | \ '.|_(())))) ((((/.( ,))) _/ ((((_( )/ \\ \__/-) /\__ \_\(\ .'\ \ '. )\ \\\ ___..' o \ \.' / \ \\\ ''---. \_\ / '.\\\ . ' , '--.'\_ /. .| \-'---- O - \/O'. (_/ \ \| ) ' . ' |O O \___ /.'.__.'._.' | O|_O O/ /.'. .'. | |O |O O/) / O '._.' '.| |_O|_O'/ / O | ||/ / /'._________.'| \ )_/ /''.-.-.-.-.-.-| '. \ '.____________.' \ _\ |/ /mrf __'\\ __(,\_\_ _______ ____ __ ____(_'--_)__ Kid Lessons http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/kidlessons.html --- ...I loved this one! Thank you Lorraine! --- >And I added this From Our Friend Viv :) Wanted to share this recipe with you. Just made it for my husband today. It amazes me how many men love this cake. Usually just mentioning zucchini would make them turn their noses up. I took one to work one day and they loved it. The guys would beg me to make another one and of course I would. -Viv _______ / ) /_____ | ______ ( ' ) / / __\ _____ |. '| / | \ | / )) |____|/ |`-----' /_____)) `-----' `------' cf Zucchini Bread: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html --- ...Thanks Viv! This looks like an easy yummy one! -<>- >Speaking of Not putting two and two together... Those of you that have been getting my Politics issues should know that the one forward about '50 Obama Lies' isn't exactly what it says. Our friend Viv pointed it out to me today when she advised me to watch out for snopes.com being a bit bias about certain campaign email forwards and catching them on some things that they said. It is always a good idea to check out your email forwards with a couple places like snopes.com, TruthOrFiction.com, or UrbanLegends.com to make sure they agree on it before you believe what is being said about it. ____ /\ __\_ / \/ \___\ \ /___/ /\_/ \ \ / \____\ ___/\ _ / / / \/ \ /_\/____/ \ / \___\ / \_/\ / / / \/___/ \ _ / / \/_| /___/ / \___\ \ /\_/___/ \/___/ [n4biS] You can pretty well trash that '50 Obama Lies' one. Both snopes.com and TruthOrFiction.com says is has a lot of lies in it. In fact, it has so many discrepancies in it that it is like fitting together a puzzle as to which part is true, which part is a lie, which part is unknown, and which part is only partially true! Connecting the dots and then figuring out what whole picture you have after you are done is really hard to do! So much so that it is easier to trash the garbage then it is to mess with it! That's what I normally do with ones with multiples as snopes.com puts it. Oh, and get this - the part that said Obama was a Muslim and only 6% black was totally FALSE. Yep. Even though his name suggests Muslim, he isn't. I have had so much going on here lately with my surgery and now my daughters multiple surgeries, that I am having a hard time keeping up like I should and deeply apologize for sending that one on. People that know me, know I normally check things out before passing them on and for some reason, I was not doing that with the political ones. Consequently it came back to bite me. I am sorry. I will be more prudent from now on. Of course, that Doesn't change my mind on Obama. I don't like him any more knowing he is Black instead of Muslim. I don't judge a person by their race or nationality. It's the inside that counts - their character. I don't trust Obama because of his character. I don't much care for his wife either and really don't want to be thinking of her as our First Lady - she doesn't act like any lady should. I don't like her character either. Hopefully Obama getting tons of money from his rich supporters who want him in office -no doubt because they figure he'll make them money and be better for them then McCain- won't make any difference. Just think - 15,000 people could of had a $10,000 gift to help them with their credit card debts. Or 150,000 poor people could of been given $1,000 to help feed, clothe and house them. Instead, Obama spends it on those stupid TV spots that he runs every 10 or 15 minutes on practically every channel on our American TV sets! Argh!! --- ...Thank You Viv for alerting us to this about snopes.com! -<>- >Wisdom Is the Key - You can't make wise choices when you don't know the facts >>> For All Of You Still Needing to Know The Issues <<< Christian Coalition Voter Guides are Now Available! http://www.cc.org/voter_guides ================================================================ >-->From TheFunnyBone: / jgs () Forgot The Bait || || __ \\ Having arrived at the edge of the / > \\ river, the fisherman soon realized ||` .-"||". he had forgotten to bring any bait. \\/ _//. `\ Just then he happened to see a little ( (-' \ \ snake passing by who had caught a worm. \ ) | | The fisherman snatched up the snake and `" / / robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry / / for the little snake with no lunch, he | ( _ snatched him up again and poured a little \ `.-.-.'o`\ beer down his throat and went about his fishing. '.( ( ( .--' __ `"`"'` (\ .-. .-. /_") An hour or so later the \\_//^\\_//^\\_// fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. jgs `"` `"` `"` Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms. ================================================================= +---------------- Bizarre Insurance Claims ----------------+ Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Viv :) "Padre, you wouldn't know what causes arthritis, would you?" "I certainly DO! ARTHRITIS is caused by SIN, which CORRUPTS the body. It is caused by PROMISCUOUS SEX, PROFLIGATE SMOKING, use of PROFANE LANGUAGE, listening to ROCK MUSIC, and FOUL, EXCESSIVE DRINKING! WICKEDNESS is the root cause of arthritis, my son." / _______ / " GLUG... | | _____ GLUG... ____|_______|____ \ \ GLUG..." /////// _\ \~~~~~\ /////\\ O(_ ___\___(__)____________ ////\_ _) | Chelsea's | DAILY RAG | \ __/ | treehouse |===========| \_____\ | destroyed |Will Mokica| _____|_____|_____ |by Arkansas|get deposed| ______/ /\ /\ \ __________| twister | again? |__ | \ \ / / | | | _| | | \ \/ / | | | |Papal Vis(__) | | \ \/ | | | Dog files | Coming (__) _____| | \o\ | | _________| law suit | (__)__ | | | | | | | against | Man still | _____| | |o| | | _________| man. | biting |__ | | | | | | | | dog. | | | |o| | | |___________|___________| |___| | |\ |___| /______|__|_______\ _____/ \___/_/\_\__/ \ __________/ |__ \\\\_\ /_//// / / / ______\\\) / (/// _________/ / /___ / ___ / ___ / JRO | ____ | ____ | | | | | | | jrojrojrojrojrojrojrojrojrojrojrojrojrojrojrojrojrojrojrojrojro >New Alphabet A is for apple, and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won't float! Age before beauty is what we once said, But let's be a bit more realistic instead. Now The Alphabet A is for arthritis; B is the bad back, C is the chest pains, Perhaps car-d -iac? D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read that top line! F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which We'd rather not mention . H is High blood pressure--We'd rather it low; I is For incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend . L is for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, We forget what comes next . N is for neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, bones that don't grow! P is for prescriptions, We have quite a few, Just give us a pill and We'll be good as new! Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two. S is for sleepless nights, counting our fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in our ears! U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V is for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know. W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found. Y is for another year We are left here behind, Z is for zest WE still have-- in OUR minds. We've survived all the symptoms, our body's deployed, and We're keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!! IF YOU ARE OLD, HAVE A GREAT DAY, IF NOT YOUR TURN WILL COME! ( ) ) ( ) ( ( ) ( _)___(_ ( "Oh.... I was just wondering. It | | says here that the Pope suffers ____|_______|____ pretty badly from it." //__ __\\ \ /\ O\ /O /\ ______ \ ______________ \_ (_) _/ | Chelsea's | DAILY RAG | \ ___ / | treehouse |===========| \_____/ | destroyed |Will Mokica| _____|_____|_____ |by Arkansas|get deposed| ______/ /\ /\ \ __________| twister | again? |__ | \ \ / / | |_ | _| | | \ \/ / | | (__) |Papal Vis(__) | | \ \/ | | (__)og files | Coming (__) _____| | \o\ | | ________(__)law suit | (__)__ | | | | | | | against | Man still | _____| | |o| | | _________| man. | biting |__ | | | | | | | | dog. | | | |o| | | |___________|___________| |___| | |\ |___| /______|__|_______\ _____/ \___/_/\_\__/ \ __________/ |__ \\\\_\ /_//// / / / ______\\\) / (/// _________/ / /___ / ___ / ___ / JRO | ____ | ____ | | | | | | | ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! --- ...Oh My! *giggles* -<>- >A Riddle... Hillary, Biden and Obama were on a donkey, at the edge of a cliff. The donkey got spooked and jumped off the cliff. Who was saved? AMERICA --- >Not looking goood for the bail out ... Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel outside of Reno Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't make money running a cat house and selling booze! May God have mercy on us all. (Friends Don't Let Friends Vote for Obama) ...TeeHee! Good ones! We need to trust God with America - not them! Can Christians trust God with the economy? An international Bible teacher, author, and co-founder of a teaching ministry says Christians in America can and should find hope in the midst of the economic downturn. http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=289370 -<>- >Financial Assistance God is the biggest [and best] help in the World. I claim it for you - now claim it for me. God has more than a thousand ways to provide for us, that we know nothing about. Here is your financial blessing! It's a simple prayer, you got 30 seconds? Don't sleep on this...Someone recently read this for the first time and Received exactly enough for a $0 balance on all credit cards. If you need a financial blessing, continue reading this e-mail. Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God, I pray to you that you Abundantly bless my family and me. I know that you recognize, that a Family is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother, husband and Wife, but all who believe and trust in You. GOD, I send up a prayer request for financial blessing for not only the Person who sent this to me, but for me and all that I have forwarded this message on to. And that the power of joined prayer by those who Believe and trust in you is more powerful than anything.! I thank you in Advance for your blessings. God, deliver the person reading this right Now from debt and debt burdens. Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a good steward over all that you Have given me GOD, for I know how wonderful and mighty you are and how If we just obey you and walk in your word and have the faith of a Mustard seed that you will pour out blessings. I thank you now Lord for The recent blessings I have received and for the blessings yet to come Because I know you are not done with me yet. In the Name of Jesus Christ I thank you. Amen TAKE 60 SECONDS and send this on quickly and within hours, you will have Caused a multitude of people to pray to God for each other. Then sit Back and watch the power of God work in your life for doing the thing That you know He loves. Peace and Blessings...... Have Faith --- ...Amen! Excellent! Thanks Viv! =================================================================== >-->From our Friend Carol :) I can pretty much predict how we will be in our Socialistic, Dictatorship country 4 years from now with Obama. I am glad I am getting the 5% on my social security check this next year because I feel that will be the last of anything for us seniors. It is very scary and the young are being carried away by a man who speaks well and is able to get them to follow him. All I can say is, "Anyone here remember how Hitler was able to convince the masses that his way was the right way?" Need I say more? -Carol --- ...Thanks! You are correct in what you are saying about Obama, Carol, OneNewsNow agrees with you... Perspective - McCain must state obvious: Obama is a socialist Barack Obama is a socialist. McCain must say it. It's not slinging mud but stating fact. http://www.onenewsnow.com/Perspectives/Default.aspx?id=293104 Obama economic advisor big on socialism http://www.onenewsnow.com/Election2008/Default.aspx?id=293390 ===================================================================== >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) POLITICALLY CORRECT! Walking down the street one day a US senator is hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter. "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "now Before you settle in, it seems We have a problem. We seldom see a high official here, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," he says. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we must do is have you spend one day in hell, and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator. "I'm sorry, but rules are rules." St. Peter then escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, to hell. The doors open, and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. with a clubhouse, and standing in front of it are all his friends and politicians and lawyers who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy, and well dressed. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of all the little people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar, and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. Having such a good time before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell, as the and elevator rises... The elevator goes up, and the door reopens in Heaven, where St.Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven." 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, praising God, playing the harp and singing hyms. Before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well, you've spent a day in hell, and another in Heaven. Now you must choose Your Eternity." The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here, and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?" The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were simply campaigning. Today you ~VOTED~." (How true---) -<>- _--_ dMb __(._ ) d0P < (D) .MP .~ \ /~```M-. .~ V Mo_ \ -------============((((}{) ( (___. {:)-./ ~._____.(:} '94 the wolfe / .M\ / "" \ | /\ | / / \ \ / / \ \ \__/ \__/ / / | | .^V^. .^V^. +-+ +-+ DUCKY THOUGHTS: (By Mr. DUCKY of course -:) Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you*re in bed with a relative. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with *Guess* written on it. So I said *Implants?* She hit me. How come we choose from just two people to run for president, and over fifty for Miss America? I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! When I was young we used to go *skinny dipping,* (smile) now I just *chunky dunk..* Don't argue with an idiot; People watching may not be able to tell the difference. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press *Ctrl Alt Delete*,and start all over? Why is it that our children can not read The Bible in school, but they can in prison? Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever. Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court, when the `Ten Commandments` cannot be displayed outside? remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. Always~~John-Paul --- ...Great Ones! Thanks John-Paul! =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Fig :) .-. \\\V/// (o.o) ####### |=| //6 , 6\\ Y \ = / | .-:---:---'B ( / `@` ,--'| ) ) ( <|' '| | ______(____ \ \__.__/ | (___________) `/<<<<<\ | / \ (>>>>>>>) | / \ `"|"|"|"` | | | |_| | | ____\ /____ _(_| |_ | ()____'.__ __.'____()(___|___) | jgs .'` .'```'. `-. ().'` `'.() The Cannibal Restaurant Menu A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal . Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... + Tourist: $5 + Broiled Missionary: $10.00 + Fried Explorer: $15.00 + Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00 The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price difference for the Politician?" The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of crap, it takes all morning."* --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Fig! ============================================================== >-->From BizarreNews: -- Police find pot in woman's lost wallet ---------- MASTERTON, New Zealand - Police in Masterton, New Zealand, said a woman was charged with possession of marijuana after her lost wallet containing the drug was turned in to officers. Investigators said the wallet was turned in by a citizen who found it by the side of the road and officers discovered the small tin of marijuana inside while search- ing for identification, The Dominion Post reported Thursday. The woman was charged with possession after she showed up at the police station to claim her lost wallet. She is due to appear in court this month. ___ /___\_/ |\_/|<\ (`o`) ` __(\_ |\_ \ ~ /_.-`` _|__) ( ( ( ( /()/ _/`-` _.-`` `\| .-` ( .-. ( .- \ / `-._ | \ (\_ /\/ `-.__-() `-|__)__/ / /``-. /_____8 \__/ / `-` />| / /| J L | | `\ L___J ( | .oO() -- 'Ninja Turtle' teens rescued from sewer ---------- NEW YORK - Police sources said three teenagers who were playing "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" have been rescued from a New York sewer. The sources said the three teens -- ages 17, 16 and 15 -- became lost in the sewer system while pretending to be the popular cartoon, movie and comic book characters, the New York Daily News reported Thursday. "These three idiots were playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and wanted to go into the sewers," said one police source. "They were never in danger, just goofing off and being stupid." Police said firefighters pulled the trio out of a manhole in the Kissena Park neighborhood of New York's Queens borough. Officers charged the two older teens with criminal trespassing and the 15-year-old was released into the custody of his parents. -- Frog leg pizza topping sparks boycott call -------- LONDON - A London restaurant chain has raised the ire of animal rights activists with its newest dish -- a pizza topped with frog legs. A spokeswoman for Animal Aid called for a boycott of Eco restaurants after they introduced "The Hopper," a $31.07 pizza topped with eight frog legs plus capers and anchovies, The Sun reported Thursday. The spokes- woman said the process of preparing frog legs is cruel to the amphibians. "The animals typically have their limbs hacked off while still alive, having been captured by the bucket-load from the wild in countries like Indonesia," she said. "I cannot believe people are so desperate to entertain their palates that they want to be part of this vicious and callous trade." Eco chef Sami Wasif said he came up with the idea for the frog pizza during a trip to Paris. "I've been making pizza for more than 20 years and know that London is a city always looking for something new," he said. "Pizza is something you can experiment with. I might try one with snails on it next." -- Jobless man owes $400 million in taxes ---------- JERSEY CITY, N.J. - New Jersey officials say a man who hasn't lived in the state since 2001 owes $400 million in taxes, despite not being able to buy dinner at McDonald's. Darren Goodman, 33, tops the list of New Jersey's tax scofflaws, New York's Daily News reported Thursday. Though New Jersey treasury officials say the $400 million tax bill is for real, Goodman says it's a mistake resulting from his failed attempt to be a stock market day-trader a decade ago in Jersey City. Goodman said he failed to file tax returns for several years and pay several thousand dollars in tax fines after he went bankrupt in 2003. He is unemployed and living with his parents in Raleigh, N.C. Goodman told the Daily News he learned of the $400 million tax bill last week when his debit card came up empty at a McDonald's -- New Jersey had put a lien on the $1,800 in Goodman's bank account. New Jersey based it's claim on information from the Internal Revenue Service, said state Treasury spokesman Tom Vincz, suggesting Goodman may be crying poor to avoid paying the $400 million. Goodman, however, said told the newspaper he would have to be worth billions to pay the bill. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :) She sent us a cople forwards of a pages I thought were pretty cool and have already done up here: This is beautiful... Most Valuable http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuable.html , ___ ___ / `-. ,' `. ___.--'/ /` / `-:_ ,-. :' ,' / / `"-'-.:.__,-' / )========================( \ dd / \______________________/ Scotch Tape Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tapeart.html --- ...Thanks For the Sweet Reminders Jo Ann! -<>- >Things aren't always what they appear to be... A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning, while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees the neighbor hang up the wash outside. "That laundry is not very clean, she said, she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs another laundry soap. The husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang out the wash, the young woman would make the same comment. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband, "Look! she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this? To which her husband replied........... "I got up early this morning and washed the windows. And so it is with life: What we see while watching others, depends on the purity of the window through which we look through. --- ...Teehee! A Good One! -<>- Online Civil War Recipes http://www.civilwarinteractive.com/cookbook.htm Figure This one out - it'll drive ya nuts! http://www.quizyourprofile.com/guessyournumber.swf -<>- >Giving Clothes To The Goodwill. It should make you feel all warm inside Knowing that the clothes you previously wore are now gracing another grateful body! Remember that cleaning out your closets at least once a year and giving former treasures to Goodwill (or charity of your choice) is a great way to give back to your community and help those who are less fortunate. So look through your closets and see if you don't have something that doesn't fit, or might be a little out of fashion. Those things will probably fit someone else and could be the height of fashion for them. Your efforts won't go unnoticed. God Bless you! -<>- >CHOICE If it is cold, you have choices: you can light a fire or curse the weather. If you are hungry, you have choices: you can eat or curse your stomach If you are tired, you have choices: you can rest or you can curse your fatigue. If it is congested, you have choices: you can tune your radio or you can honk and curse others stuck in traffic with you. If the store clerk is having problems, you have choices: you can show patience or you can curse her. Everything in life is about choice. Everything you do and everything you say is a choice you make. Make good choices. --- ...So true! Thanks Jo Ann! ============================================================= >-->From The Jokester: Eyes of the Beholder An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?' 'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs. While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. 'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said. To which he whirled around and screamed, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THATS GOOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP? -<>- ,``'.' / \ \ \ / \ | | ''''''.| | | `````'` | | | /'''' - (| | | /'``` . | | | / ''''' / ./ / '```` / |/ / ''''`| \/ / ' |` / / / /| /| | / '. || | ) ++ | \ | | | | \ .. \ _/ \ ' ./ | / \ | \ \ | \ | | . | | | | | | | | | | | .| | / / | / / / | | / / | | / / | | ==/ | | | | ==/ | | / | \ | Pru | | V | | V The Wife's First Game of Golf A husband takes his gorgeous trophy-wife to play her first game of golf..... Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself." "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life. And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!" "And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?" "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to be with your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think? " She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours, the genie looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?" "Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "NO WAY! Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?" -<>- Playing House A little girl and a little boy were at day care. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?" He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts." "Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means." The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband." ===================================================================== >-->A Classic From Our Friend [My Real Bro] Del :) >MY SON This is great, take a moment to read it, it will make your day! The ending will surprise you. \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ Mike Hertz >Take my Son A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art. When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son. About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. He said, "Sir, you don't know me but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you and your love for art." The young man held out this package. "I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist but I think your son would have wanted you to have this." The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. "Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift." The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected. The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection. On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. "We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?" There was silence. Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, "We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one." But the auctioneer persisted. "Will somebody bid for this painting. Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?" Another voice angrily. "We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Gogh's, the Rembrandt's. Get on with the real bids!" But still the auctioneer continued. "The son! The son! Who'll take the son?" Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. "I'll give $10 for the painting." Being a poor man, it was all he could afford. "We have $10, who will bid $20?" "Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters." "$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?" The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once, twice, sold for $10!" A man sitting on the second row shouted, "Now let's get on with the collection." The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the auction is over." What about the paintings?" "I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings. The man who took the son gets everything!" God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: "The son, the son, who'll take the son?" Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything. FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, WHO SO EVER BELIEVETH, SHALL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE...THAT'S LOVE. Please send this to ten people and back to the one who sent it to you. Do whatever you like but remember that maybe "one" of the people you might have taken the time to send this to, may be just the person who needs to hear this message. You have a choice to make." God Bless. --- ...A Sweet One! Thanks Del! ================================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: My friend read her son's horoscope and thought it quite appropriate. "You've spent the last few weeks looking for escape," it said. "But now it's time to get on with your life." She had just given birth to him that morning. -<>- Writing: For the Sell of It was the theme of our community college's annual writers' conference. When I called a widely published author and asked him to be our keynote speaker, my request was met with a long silence. He finally said, "I don't know what I would say to that audience." "You're just being modest," I replied. "I'm sure you're ex- tremely qualified to speak on that subject." He suddenly broke into laughter. "I thought you said, 'Writing for the Celibate!'" -<>- A quadwheel ___________________________ /\ \ /''\ \ /''''\____________________ \ /'''''/////////////////////\ \ /'''''////\ \////////////''\ \ /'''''////''\ \//////////''''\ \ /'''''////\'''\ \ /'''/\'''''\ \ /'''''//////\'''\ \ /'''///\'''''\ \ /'.---.////// \'''\ /'''//// \'''''\ \ _ _ _ _ _ _ /'/ _ \\//// \___\_/'''//// \'''''\ \ '-_-_-_-_-. \ /'/ / \ \\// /\ \''//// \ \'''''\ \ \\`---------\ \\------\____ \////___\---\'''''\ \--. \`---------/ //------|______________|---\'''''\______\--` `=======_/ //=======//////\ \////====/'''''////////==' \'''\____// \ \//////''\ \// /'''''//////// \'''| ||| \ /'''/\'''\ \ /'''''////////| \''| ||| \ /'''///\'''\ \ /'''''////////|| \'| ||| /'''//// \'''\ \/'''''////////||| \| |||\ /'''//// \'''\ /'''''//////// ||| | |||'\ /'''////_____\___\/'''''////////| ||| | |||''\ \''//// \''''//////// | ||| | |||'''\ \//// \''//////// | ||| | |||''''\___________________\//////// | ||| | |||''''//////////////////////////// | ||| | |||\''//////////////////////////// | ||| LGB/Laury | ||| \//////////////////////////// | ||| ____| |||_ ____| |||_ `. '.||| `. `. '.||| `. `.________`. Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders and get a better view of their wives working. This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ulti- mately led to television...and later to the remote control. --Dave Berry -<>- A magician calls a man up on stage, hands him a mallet and instructs the guy to hit him as hard as possible on the head. The magician then proceeds to put his head down on a wooden block. The man shrugs his shoulders and takes a mighty swing. Three years later, the magician wakes up from a coma in the hospital and goes.... "Taa-Daa!" -<>- "What's the first thing a little girl wants when she gets a new bike? A basket--she's prepared to shop. What's the first thing a boy wants on his bike? A bell or horn--he's prepared for traffic. "What's the first toy a little girl wants? A doll--she's prepared to shop with friends. What's the first toy a little boy wants? A gun--he's prepared for traffic." --Jason Chase -<>- Today I picked up my mother-in-law at the airport. She's getting a little up there. She's at the age where she doesn't remember things too well. So when I saw her I said, "Thanks for coming. Have a nice flight!" ================================================================= >-->From SermondFodder: Triviata Part #1 Things you don't know, but should.... This has happened in the USA 100 times....94 times officially. What is it? Answer: Mother's day. (President made it offical in 1914) The biggest one in the USA can be found in Colorado...What is it? Answer: A Cinco De Mayo festival. (Denver...400-thousand people strong) Steven Spielberg, George Steinbrenner and Burt Bacharach all have this in common....What? Answer: They've owned horses that ran in the Kentucky Derby. The largest one of these in the world measures between three and four feet across. What is it? Answer: A flower. (Rafflesia flower in Indonesia) This has happened only 55-times in the history of the United States, but when it did most everybody knew it. What? Answer: A Presidential election. Experts say by the time a child is 5-years old they have done this nearly 400-thousand times. What? Answer: Asked a question. The average American household has just over $3,000 worth or this in their home...What? Answer: Unused items. (Lets have a yard sale) A new survey from USA Today has found that nearly 50% of us spend 2 hours or less per day doing this. What? Answer: Leisure time, doing what we want. Scientist find about 500,000 of these around the world each year....they're discovered all year long not just in Spring. What are they? Answer: Earthquakes. (earthquake.usgs.gov) Over 3000 kids a year are taken to the ER because of this product. What? Answer: Crayons. Most brands of this product contain fish scales as an ingredient. What is it? Answer: Lipstick. This is tax day....the 16th of April is known for a big increase in the number of these....What? Answer: Divorce filings. >From the Daily Brain Teaser and the folks at http://www.superhits1053.com/Contests/BlairsBrainTeaser/ To get a Daily Dose of Christian humor and a modern day parable drop an email to sermon_fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you post on the net or forward to a friend. ======================================== Worth Repeating.... Will Rogers was once asked if being a humorist was hard work. Without hesitating he replied, "No. Especially when you have the govenment working for you." ======================================== ,,,,, ////""\ . (((/ m m -|- __ )))c = ) | (__) ////-./~` . [] (((( `.`\ :: [] )))`\ \)).-;.' .------, [] (() `._.-'` _( )[] )/ `. | .'`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^))\`.----'`[] jgs ( \' { ~ - ~~ _ ~ - ~~ - ~ - (( | | [] .-.--\ \ { )) | | [] |_;_._`\ |{ ((__|_|-----[] | ; ``` ;{ )) [] | /``-.____/ `~~~[]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'-' [] `' (__) (__) >SHOW SOME GRATITUDE! Let us continually...praise...God...giving thanks. - Hebrews 13:15 NKJV At a Women of Faith conference they were short of space for 150 people, so the staff brought in narrower chairs. Everyone had a seat, but conditions in the auditorium were cramped and nobody was happy. The director asked the guest speaker, Joni Eareckson Tada, to help calm the crowd. A childhood diving accident had left Joni quadriplegic and confined to a wheelchair. As the attendants pushed her out onto the platform she addressed the audience: "I understand some of you don't like the chair you're sitting in. Well, neither do I! But I've a thousand handicapped friends who'd gladly trade places with you." Immediately the hall went quiet and the complaining stopped. When Paul was training Timothy he said, "Be strong in the grace that is in Christ" (2 Tim 2:1), and gratitude is an offshoot of grace. The Bible says, "Let us continually [not just when you feel like it!] offer the sacrifice of praise to God...giving thanks to His name." After the Bible expositor Matthew Henry was accosted and robbed he wrote in his diary: "Let me be thankful, first, that I was never robbed before, second, that although they took my purse they didn't take my life, third, that although they took everything I had, it wasn't much, fourth, that it was I who was robbed, and not I who did the robbing." If you're struggling to find something to be grateful for today, here's a good reason: "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever" (Ps 118:29 NIV). SoulFood Bible Readings: Ezek 22-23, Luke 21:1-11, Ps 78:17-31, Pr 20:15-19 as seen in word for today http://www.rhema.co.nz/index.php#email ==== From Cup O'Cheer Compiled by: Kimberly B. Quiggle. Available Free by E-mail every other day. To SUBSCRIBE: Send an e-mail with SUBSCRIBE CUP O'CHEER in the subject line to cheer316@sc.rr.com ================================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: __________ __ | ___ _|__|_ | ,' '. {'\) | : O O : )( | : ._\. :/ )\ | '.___\\/ / | | '-' | |_________| | /-----\|___| jrei / \||| .:;; >A Trip to Walmart You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following. * In your 20's: * Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, Brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the Mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register. * In your 30's:* Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with. *In your 40's: Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy. * In your 50's: Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands Onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your New sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the Register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms." * In your 60's:* Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure. * In your 70's:* Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't' even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather. * In your 80's: Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you Remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wonder around Trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you. * In your 90's: Stop what you are doing. -<>- ROSES & HANGING BASKETS A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!" and out she goes. The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate.... The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets..” ==================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) >From TheMouth: FIFTIES WEB http://www.fiftiesweb.com/fifties.htm THE HISTORY OF CARS http://inventors.about.com/library/weekly/aacarssteama..htm -<>- >From JibJab: ZOMBIE PARTY Turn your friends and family (or boss and co-workers) into zombies with our latest 'Starring You' movie. It's dead E-A-S-Y. http://lyradmin.jibjab.com/t/30493702/118751910/78343/0/ TWISTED ECARDS Check out our collection of the world's most warped Halloween eCards. WARNING: These ain't your mama's eCards! http://lyradmin.jibjab.com/t/30493702/118751910/78346/0/ FRANKENSTEIN FOR PREZ Sick of all the attacks ads blanketing the airwaves this political season? Hear what Frankenstein has to say about his opponent… http://lyradmin.jibjab.com/t/30493702/118751910/78356/0/ -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva sharing from Carol/Inside Your Heart http://silverandgoldandthee.net/GC/I_H.html You Raise Me Up http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML7/You-Raised-Me-Up.html John w/ The Twist http://heavens-gates.com/50s/thetwist/ Hold On To Me http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/holdontome.htm Water Leak Problem http://www.buffaloschips.com/71007.htm Water Power http://www.buffaloschips.com/71008.htm Way Cool Toy http://www.buffaloschips.com/71009.htm Wekker Problem http://www.buffaloschips.com/71010.htm Welcome Home http://www.buffaloschips.com/71601.htm Buildings http://buffalosjokes.com/31371.htm Peeking http://buffalosjokes.com/31369.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new study says that obese people can lose weight if they walk 12 miles per week. As a result Applebee's is intro- ducing a new 12 mile long buffet." --Conan O'Brien "I know the country has been mired in deficit spending and it's been terrible burden on the country in terms of interest payments. Good news today out of Washington. They have raised the limit of debt we can go to to $9 trillion. It sends a great message to the kids: Hey, are you getting an F? Don't study harder, make the grading curve go out to K. Then your F looks like a C." --Jon Stewart "I don't even know why I try anymore. My date last night was very embarrassing. After dinner, she went around the bar handing out her card." -Dave Letterman "If you want to stay healthy... there was this guy in Hong Kong, 107-year-old guy in Hong Kong. He attributes his longevity to abstaining from sex since he was 30. Man, I'm gonna live a long, long time." -Craig Ferguson "Some insurance companies won't pay for Viagra unless men can prove that they're impotent. Which means that you are at a disadvantage if you have a really hot pharmacist." --Conan O'Brien "Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught." - Sir Winston Churchill "My parents told me, 'Finish your dinner. People in China and India are starving.' I tell my daughters, 'Finish your homework. People in India and China are starving for your job.'" --Thomas Friedman >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************