Quit Brown Bagging It And More... :) Shangy!
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
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================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
================
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
_,-""`""-~`)
(`~ \
| a a \
; o ; ___ _,,,,_ _.-~'.
\ `^` /`_.-"~ `~-;` \
\_ _ .' `, |
|`- \'__/
/ ,_ \ `'-.
/ .-""~~--. `"-, ;_ /
| \ \ | `""`
\__.--'`"-. /_ |'
`"` `~~~---.., |
jgs \ _.-'`-.
\ \
'. /
`"~"`
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011
Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click
on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up.
Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed!
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY!
================
>-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This hottie from a forward from our friend Linda is sure to
amaze you! He does detailed pencil art work using his mouth!
Simply beautiful! Check it out here...
________________________________________________
/\______________________________________________/`-.
<()>____________________________________________< ##
\/______________________________________________\,-'
unknown
Doug Landis Mouth Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mouthart.html
---
...No tracing either! Wow! Thanks Linda!
============================================================
>-->From The FunnyBone:
The Two Gas Men
(IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII)
)'.'.'.':;:;:'.'.'.'(
Two gas company servicemen, a senior ('.'.'.;' | `:.'.'.')
training supervisor and a young trainee, )'.'.';' | `:'.'.'(
were out checking meters in a suburban ('.'.;' | `:.'.')
neighborhood. They parked their truck )'.';'____|____`:'.'(
at the end of the alley and worked (==@' | `@==)
their way to the other end. )'.: @() :.'(
('.'. ()@() .'.')
At the last house a woman looking out )'.'. ()@()@) .'.'(
her kitchen window watched the two men ('.'. _\|/_ .'.')
as they checked her gas meter. )'.'. |-----| .'.'(
('.'.___\___/___.'.')
Finishing the meter check, the jgs )'.'============='.'(
senior supervisor challenged his ('.' '.')
younger coworker to a foot race ~ ~
down the alley back to the truck
to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.
_
_|=|__________ As they came running up to the
/ \ truck, they realized the lady from
/ \ that last house was huffing and
/__________________\ puffing right behind them. They
|| || /--\ || || stopped and asked her what was
||[]|| | .| ||[]|| wrong.
()||__||_|__|_||__||()
( )|-|-|-|====|-|-|-|( ) Gasping for breath, she replied,
jgs^^^^^^^^^^====^^^^^^^^^^^ "When I see two gas men running as
hard as you two were, I figured I'd
better run too!"
===============================================================
>-->From TheMasti:
Meanwhile, on Easter Island.....
I am the All-Knowing Great One.
What is your question?
______ ,
/ \
/ \
J__________L
|(____)(____)|
| /\ |
J / \ L
J / \ L Dude, where's my car?
| /______\ | '
| ____________ | ##
J' `L [[#
| `------------' | .||>
| | dd
#################################################dp
>Questions you Can Never Answer - ANSWERED
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
~ ~ He did.. They just didn't show it in the movies they made of him.
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
are flat?
~ ~ The same reason we wring out a wash cloth after we have squeezed
it dry. We want more!
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know
there is not enough?
~ ~ It is actually a reinstatement fee to keep doing business there.
What is the speed of darkness?
~ ~ Darkness has no speed.. There is only a lack of light.
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up
every two hours?
~ ~ Maybe they woke up every two hours.. grin.
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be
twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
~ ~ Double zero of course.
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only
seem longer?
~ ~ Yes ,, They really do live longer.
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it
would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
~ ~ WoW, I don't know.. Maybe we didn't need them until then.
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
~ ~ Because down on the ground all one can see is the building
across the street.
Did you ever stop and wonder......
~ ~ About what??
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
~ ~ I think his name was Adam.
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna
eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.'
~ ~ Again, I think it may have been Adam that did that.
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast
to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
~ ~ It also has a very low setting. To give everyone their own choice.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
~ ~ There is - yours must be burned out.
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
~ ~ Maybe they just need to wash their hands.
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
~ ~ So they can keep their mind on their work, if they don't have to
look anyone in the face.
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!
~ ~ They are different breeds of dogs though.
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
~ ~ Well they are certainly NOT quizzical!
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
~ ~ Thats a Trade secret.
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
~ ~ Only if they are standing in water or wet their fingers first.
Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?
~ ~ Why Not??
Stop singing and read on.........
~ ~ Awwwwwwww
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
~ ~ No..
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?
~ ~ My dog starts licking at me..
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
~ ~ "YES!!!"
-<>-
_*_ ....iiooiioo
__/_|_\__
[(o)_R_(o)] fe
>Give me an Excuse
A fellow bought a new Mercedes on the Christmas eve and was out on the
highway for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was
blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and
blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and
opened her up further.
The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him.
"What in the heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it
and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and
it's Christmas eve. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can
give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you
can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with
a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice Christmas," said the officer.
-<>-
____
/ ==== \
| | __ | |
| |KDDR
| |
| ______ |
>Weight Loss
A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss
program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing
happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has
lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most
stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her
neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually
getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he
discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50
pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most
rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds
a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running
shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are
mine!!!"
He lost 63 pounds that week.
===============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :)
.'''.
'(("""))'
'((O.O))'
'; o ;'
.("|((,
/ | ||
(_ | |/
,'..,' : ScS
@[.,..' \
`, |
| |
>Pregnancy and Women Funny Q & A
Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,
but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air
current.
Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife
is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from
childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.
Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act
normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
---
...LOL! Thanks Jo Ann!
===================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From Our Friend Jo Ann :)
Does It Matter Now?
WHEN he refused to disclose who donated money to his election
campaign, as other candidates had done, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he received endorsements from people like Louis Farrakhan and
Mummar Kadaffi and Hugo Chavez, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN it was pointed out that he was a total newcomer and had absolutely
no experience at anything except community organizing, people said it
didn't matter.
WHEN he chose friends and acquaintances such as Bill Ayers and
Bernadine Dohrn who were revolutionary radicals, people said it
didn't matter.
WHEN his voting record in the Illinois senate and in the U.S.
Senate came into question, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he refused to wear a flag lapel pin, and did so only after a
public outcry, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN people started treating him as a Messiah and children in
schools were taught to sing his praises, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he stood with his hands over his groin area for the playing
of the National Anthem and Pledge of Allegiance, people said it
didn't matter.
WHEN he surrounded himself in the White house with advisers who were
pro-gun control, pro-abortion, pro-homosexual marriage and wanting
to curtail freedom of speech to silence the opposition people said
it didn't matter..
WHEN he said he favors sex education in Kindergarten, including
homosexual indoctrination, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN his personal background was either scrubbed or hidden and
nothing could be found about him, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN the place of his birth was called into question, and he
refused to produce a birth certificate, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he had an association in Chicago with Tony Rezco--a man of
questionable character and who is now in prison and had helped Obama
to a sweet deal on the purchase of his home-- people said it didn't
matter.
WHEN it became known that George Soros, a multi-billionaire Marxist,
spent a ton of money to get him elected, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he started appointing White House Czars that were radicals,
revolutionaries, and even avowed Marxist/Communist, people said it
didn't matter.
WHEN he stood before the Nation and told us that his intentions were to
"fundamentally transform this Nation" into something else, people said
it didn't matter.
WHEN it became known that he had trained ACORN workers in Chicago and
served as an attorney for ACORN, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he appointed cabinet members and several advisers who were tax
cheats and socialists, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he appointed a Science Czar, John Holdren, who believes in forced
abortions, mass sterilizations and seizing babies from teen mothers,
people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he appointed Cass Sunstein as Regulatory Czar who believes in
"Explicit Consent," harvesting human organs without family consent,
and allowing animals to be represented in court, while banning all
hunting, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he appointed Kevin Jennings, a homosexual, and organizer of a
group called gay, lesbian, straight, education network as Safe School
Czar and it became known that he had a history of bad advice to
teenagers, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he appointed Mark Lloyd, as Diversity Czar, who believes in
curtailing free speech; taking from one and giving to another to
spread the wealth; who supports Hugo Chavez, people said it didn't
matter.
WHEN Valerie Jarrett was selected as Obama's Senior White House Adviser
and she is an avowed Socialist, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN Anita Dunn, White House Communications Director said Mao Tse Tung
was her favorite philosopher-- and the person she turned to most for
inspiration, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he appointed Carol Browner as Global Warming Czar, and her being a
well known socialist working on Cap and Trade as the nations largest
tax, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he appointed Van Jones, an ex-con and avowed Communist as Green
Energy Czar, who since had to resign when this was made known, people
said it didn't matter.
WHEN Tom Daschle, Obama's pick for health and human services secretary
could not be confirmed, because he was a tax cheat, people said it
didn't matter.
WHEN as President of the United States, he bowed to the King of Saudi
Arabia, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he traveled around the world criticizing America and never once
talking of her greatness, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he upset the Europeans by removing plans for a missile defense
system against the Russians, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he played politics in Afghanistan by not sending troops early-on
when the Field Commanders said they were necessary to win, people said
it didn't matter.
WHEN he started spending us into a debt that was so big we could not
pay it off, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he took a huge spending bill under the guise of stimulus and used
it to pay off organizations, unions, and individuals that got him
elected, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he took over insurance companies, car companies, banks, etc.,
people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he took away student loans from the banks and put it through the
government, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he designed plans to take over the health care system and put it
under government control, people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he claimed he was a Christian during the election and tapes were
later made public that showed Obama speaking to a Muslim group and
'stating' that he was raised a Muslim; was educated as a Muslim; and
that he is still a Muslim-- people said it didn't matter.
WHEN he set into motion a plan to take over the control of all energy
in the United States through Cap and Trade, people said it didn't
matter.
WHEN he finally completed his transformation of America into a
Socialist State, people finally woke up--- but it was too late.
Add these up one by one and you get a phenomenal score that points
to the fact that Barrack Hussein Obama is determined to turn America
into a Marxist-Socialist society.
All of the items in the preceding paragraphs have been put into place.
All can be documented very easily. Before you disavow this do an
internet search.
The last paragraph alone is not yet cast in stone. You and I will
write that paragraph. Will it read as above or will it be a more happy
ending for most of America?
I believe it does matter.
Is this enough to know how to vote in November, 2012 and the ensuing
years?
---
...Very Thought provoking. Thanks Jo Ann!
Obama is way too progressive - not good for a capitalist country
founded on freedom by a higher power. We need to get back to the basics
- God's basics - then we'll be OK.
-<>-
>From TheTeaParty:
Eat The Rich!
http://tinyurl.com/3fzqs67
-<>-
>From VisionToAmerica:
Bill Maher: Sarah Palin Would Hump Perry if He was Black
http://tinyurl.com/446kxzj
-<>-
>From GodfatherPolitics:
What if a White President Had Said This?
http://tinyurl.com/44u2tdl
-<>-
>From PatriotUpdate:
Black Pastor Sues Obama and DNC for Racism!
http://tinyurl.com/3uovgbk
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
It was a good run while it lasted. The United States has enjoyed over
200 years of freedom as guaranteed by the Bill of Rights, but nothing
lasts forever.
In one day I have read three stories which are so clearly violations of
the Fourth Amendment that it is obvious the entrenched political
bureaucracy isn't even pretending to pay lip service to the Bill of
Rights anymore.
The first comes from California (where else?) where an Orange County
couple has been ordered to stop holding a Bible study.
In their home.
The homeowners were fined $300 for holding what city officials called
"a regular gathering of more than three people." That type of meeting
would require a conditional use permit as defined by the city.
So if you live in Orange County and you want to have a party in your
house...you better not invite more than three people unless you get a
conditional use permit. Or at the very least make sure none of your
guests pray.
You could almost make the argument that having a bunch of cars parked
on the street in front of your house every Sunday is an inconvenience
to your neighbors, but what if everywhere you went was monitored, and
the information for sale? That is exactly what OnStar is telling their
customers with the recent changes to their terms and conditions.
Now, OnStar says that it has the right to collect and sell personal
information on your vehicle, including speed, location, seat belt usage
and other information to law enforcement, insurance companies and
anybody else who can afford it. Plus, they will continue to collect
this information even after you disconnect the service. And apparently
this violation of your privacy is perfectly legal.
But the crown jewel of this trifecta of injustice comes from Indiana
where the state supreme court has ruled that Hoosiers cannot resist
police officers who enter their homes without warrants. The ruling
states that "there is never justification for committing battery
against a police officer." So apparently the police are above the law,
no matter whether what they are doing to you is illegal.
Don't worry, citizen, you're being taken care of.
---
...your freedom sold for political correctness and the almighty buck.
*-- New York's narrowest house for rent --*
NEW YORK - The owner of the narrowest house in New York, measuring only
9 1/2-feet-wide, is listing the property for rent for $14,000 a month.
The Greenwich Village house, which was renovated after it was purchased
for $2.175 million in 2010 and is now worth an estimated $4.3 million,
was formerly home to celebrities including Cary Grant, Margaret Mead,
Edna St. Vincent Millay and John Barrymore, the New York Daily News
reported Wednesday, The 990-square-foot house includes three bedrooms,
two bathrooms and four fireplaces. There is also a backyard garden
shared with two neighboring townhouses.
*-- Woman 'depressed' over gum on dentures --*
EDMONTON, Alberta - A Canadian woman claims chewing gum that stuck to
her dentures sparked short-term depression and she's suing the
manufacturer over the ordeal. The lawsuit filed last week in Edmonton,
Alberta, by lawyers for Elsie Pawlow seeks $100,000 from the
manufacturer of Stride chewing gum, the QMI Agency reported. Pawlow,
who said in her suit she is "still holding" at age 49, is suing Kraft
Canada, the parent company of Cadbury Adams, the manufacturer of the
gun widely advertised as "ridiculously long-lasting." "Over a period of
five minutes the gum falls apart into little pieces and sticks to the
dentures," her claim says. "As a result, the plaintiff has suffered
depression for approximately 10 minutes." Her suit says she finds the
process of "digging out" small bits of gum to be "disgusting," the
report said. The suit, which cost her $200 to file, also is seeking to
recover her legal costs and interest, QMI said. There was no immediate
response from Kraft, which hasn't yet filed a statement of defense.
---
The assignment was to bring important family items to kindergarten
class for show-and-tell day. You can imagine the various photo albums,
scrapbooks and hand-me-downs of all descriptions those toddlers brought
in.
But interpreting the assignment literally, one child brought something
very near and dear to his mother...her crack pipe. That and an ounce of
drugs, presumably to share.
School officials in Kansas City, MO called police when the child
produced the pipe and several baggies of drugs from his backpack.
Police said the child's 32-year-old mother has been charged with
possession of a controlled substance and one count of first-degree
child endangerment.
Police Chief Richard Downing said a child bringing drugs to
show-and-tell was a first in his law enforcement career. "When I called
the prosecutor about it, they said, 'You're kidding me, aren't you?'"
At least it wasn't another incident of a child bringing a loaded gun to
school, so in those terms, I guess we could call it an improvement!
*-- Girl, 2, played hide-and-seek with police --*
SKANE, Sweden - Police in Sweden said a 2-year-old girl reported
missing from her home was found to have been playing hide and seek with
searchers. Skane police said the girl disappeared while her parents
were cleaning their home Saturday and a search party including local
residents, more than 60 police officers, sniffer dogs and a helicopter
scoured the area for the toddler, The Local reported Monday. The search
went on for several hours before a police dog discovered the girl
sleeping in her bed. Police said the girl must have been moving through
her house during the search, playing a hide and seek type game with the
searchers. "It's a little curious that she managed to move around while
so many participated in the search. She must have been very careful,"
police spokeswoman Helena Ralmark said.
*-- Leeches help save woman's face --*
STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Hundreds of leeches were applied to a woman's face
to treat a large wound inflicted by her own dog, doctors in Sweden
said. The woman was rushed to a hospital after the dog unexpectedly
attacked her, ripping off a large piece of her face from her upper lip
to her eye, The Local reported Tuesday. After doctors worked to
reattach the torn part, leeches were applied to help re-establish blood
circulation to the woman's face. "The most important thing was to get
blood into the torn off body part, which we managed to do within an
hour of the start of the operation," specialist Stina Klasson said. The
358 leeches, by sucking blood and introducing blood-thinning fluids,
helped the process. "The grower who supplies the hospital with leeches
ran out. More leeches had to be flown in from the United Kingdom,"
Klasson said. Doctors said the surgery was a success, although
additional reconstructive procedures would probably be necessary.
=================================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
.::\)`:`,
.:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----,
;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`.
;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\
;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\
:;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~
| `____/ ( { ))())) . .`,
____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . |
/ \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .|
| ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . |
| \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .|
| |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . |
\ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. |
\ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .|
\ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . |
\ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . |
\ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (,
\._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ;
| | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. |
| .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .|
| / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . |
| /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. |
| | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .|
| | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| |
|/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . |
| ! | | | | ! |~~~~'
>How To Get Married...
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is sadly involved
in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside
the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder, could they possibly get married
in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has
asked. Let me go find out,' and he left.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the
couple was still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that if they
were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of
it all. 'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered, 'Are we stuck
together forever?'
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat
bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informed the couple, 'you can get married in
Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things
don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the
ground. 'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!', St. Peter shouted, 'It took me three months to find a
Priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find
a Lawyer?
---
...TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE!
===============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
__
(=[)
pb /`\ -.
`` ,,`` /`| ,_,_`-._
,,' / `---,)`--.)
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While on a ski trip in Wyoming, I encountered a husband and wife on the
slopes who asked me if I would take a picture of them. I said I would
be happy to, and I did. Then I asked if they wouldn't mind taking a
picture of me.
"Oh, sorry," the man answered, "but we only have two pictures left, and
we wanted to take some pictures of the lodge."
-<>-
Although he always ordered just ham and eggs everyday, one customer at
the diner always studied the menu carefully each day before ordering.
One day, his regular waitress decided to see if he could be made to
order anything else. Before giving him the menu she marked out the ham
and eggs entry.
Once the customer had looked over the menu for a few minutes, the
waitress approached him and asked, "Sir, did you notice that I
scratched something you like?"
Without looking up from the menu, he quickly replied, "Well, would you
mind washing your hands before you bring me my ham and eggs?"
-<>-
___
\\||
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|| =\=|
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Back in the days of the Roman Empire, the famous Emperor Nero
instituted a new game. The players would take those little disks you
set your glass on in order to protect the furniture, and see who could
get the most distance rolling them across the floor.
They were the first roller coasters. Back in those days, the disks were
made of iron, and they would bet on whose disk would roll the farthest.
They called them ferrous wheels.
-<>-
A woman in my office recently divorced after years of marriage, had
signed up for a refresher CPR course.
"Is it hard to learn?" someone asked.
"Not at all," my co-worker replied. "Basically you're asked to breathe
life into a dummy. I don't expect to have any problem. I did that for
12 years."
-<>-
Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid.
My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.
However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. "Honey,"
my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I
thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'"
"It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that I've forgiven
and forgotten."
-<>-
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When my friend spotted a blind man and his guide dog at a crosswalk,
she stopped her car and waved them on.
"Uh, Cynthia," I said, "he can't see you."
"I know that," she said indignantly. "I'm waving the dog on."
==============================================================
>-->From SermondFodder:
|><|~|><|
/(((9)))\
//) -_- (\\
(((( ._. ))))
))))---((((
((((`---'))))
(___|xXxXx|___)
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>ALTAR Request
My husband is a minister who generally conducts an expanded altar call
at the end of each sermon. He invites those who wish to accept Jesus
Christ as their personal Lord and Savior to come forward, as well as
those in need of prayers or anyone who has other special requests, to
come forward.
To the surprise and delight of the congregation our three-year-old
daughter, without saying a word to me, got up and made her way forward.
She waited patiently while the others in line ahead of her made their
special prayer requests.
When her turn came, my husband leaned down to ask what she needed.
She whispered, "Can we go to the restaurant after church today?"
>From Da Mouse Tracks by way of Doc's Daily Chuckle at
http://family-safe-mail.us/lists.html.
===
This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day
Ministries. To subscribe go to http://www.sermonfodder.com or drop
an email note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please
leave this attached if you forward this to friends or post on the net.
===================================
Worth Repeating....
You can be a COG
Count
On
God
To turn the wheel
Special thanks to our buddy Charles Blair
=========================
,;;;;;,
,;;;;;;;;,
;;;'____ ;
;;;(\\\\\;
`/'((|||||
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,' \__(((||),
| \ _)))))))\,_
/| |/"\`\`""""' |)
; \ \ ) \_____/_|
| |\ \' _.,-' |
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( _,-\ _.-'' | ;
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| |___________|
| | | |
Normand Veilleux
based on work by
Tua Xiong
We All Need Some of This
Study military strategy and you will find a re-occurring theme, divide
the enemy. Separate them. Isolate them. If you've ever watched a
nature episode on the Discovery channel then you have seen how the
animals hunt and divide the weakest off from the heard.
Satan, our enemy, wants to do the exact same thing. Separate us.
Isolate us. Make a man feel like he is all alone. "No one else at
your church would be able to help you with this," he whispers. "No one
else is struggling like you." And the big lie he whispers to me all
the time, "No one else really cares." Which is just a step away from
saying, God doesn't care.
Even though I know they are all lies, I can't believe how quickly I
will fall for them. I have to "speak" the truth to myself.
But there is still something else we all need. It helps us carry on
during battles. We need encouragement. Some of us may not realize how
much we need it.
At our recent Men Who Win Advance, several men took the scary risk of
sharing their weaknesses and struggles. I call it scary because Satan
whispers in our ear, "These men will reject you if you tell them
that." That might be true if we shared our struggles with men of the
world, but never true when shared with men of God.
Immediately each man received encouragement. We laid hands on each one
and prayed for him. Those men left feeling restored and uplifted.
They felt stronger. Part of the reason for feeling stronger, they knew
they were not alone.
The next day after it was over, one man sent me a text, "May the Lord
rock your Spirit today." At the time I did not know who it was, but it
still immediately brought encouragement. I did not feel alone. I knew
if I needed someone to cover my back, I had it.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
_( )_ ( ) ( ) _( )_ ( ) ( ) _( )_
( ` ' )| |_| | _ _ __ ( ` ' )| |_| | _ _ __ ( ` ' )
> < | _ |( ) ( ) /'_ `\ > < | _ |( ) ( ) /'_ `\ > <
(_, ,_)| | | || (_) |( (_) |(_, ,_)| | | || (_) |( (_) |(_, ,_)
(_) (_) (_)`\___/'`\__ | (_) (_) (_)`\___/'`\__ | (_)
( )_) | ( )_) |
\___/' \___/'
unknown
You might be saying, "No one ever encourages me." First, have you let
anyone know of your struggles? Have you let another man of God see
your weakness? That's really important. We can't help each other
fight the enemy if we don't know how or where the enemy is attacking us
through you. Secondly, I would remind all of us of the Galatians 6:7
principle, "You will ALWAYS harvest what you plant." (NLT) If you want
to harvest some encouragement, then go plant some today. I guarantee
you will be surprised how many men need to be encouraged.
Jamie Futrell
Men who Win Ministries
http://www.menwhowin.com/
============================================================
>-->From LaughAndLift:
The Lift
.--._ .
\ ).'
)|/
_.'''-._
( \
\ )
)'-. (
/ _.-'\
/ )
('-._ /
\ _/ AoS
'-.__==''
>Don't Wrap God in a Plain Brown Wrapper
(by L. Dylan Christopher)
[Edited]
I was in the bookstore buying a gift for a friend. As I stood in line,
I saw a young girl approach the counter and whisper something into the
sales clerk's ear. The clerk pointed to a shelf in the back corner of
the bookstore and the humble-looking girl moved toward that corner.
This scene aroused my curiosity. So, after making my purchase, I stuck
around to see what the girl was up to. Shortly thereafter, the girl
scurried up to the counter, looked around, as if to make sure no one
was watching, pulled a small, black book out from under her arm and set
it face-down on the counter. The clerk took her money, made change and
quickly stuffed the little, black book into a paper bag. But, before
he could get the book into the paper bag, I was able to catch a glimpse
of the cover. It read, "Holy Bible".
The entire incident seemed strange, but familiar. Then, I turned to
leave and found myself looking directly at a magazine rack. The rack
openly displayed scores of "men's" magazines. That's when I made the
connection.
There was a time, not long ago, when pornographic magazines were
wrapped in plain brown wrappers. If a person wanted to see a
pornographic movie he would sneak off, "do his thing" and return home.
He never mentioned the movie to anyone, save a few close friends who
were "into" the same thing. In fact, he would probably turn red with
embarrassment if anyone else found out.
Today however, pornography is quickly becoming more available and less
stigmatized. There are no plain brown wrappers on the magazines.
X-rated movies are available at many video rental stores. The internet
has brought every brand of pornography into the bedrooms of curious
teenagers around the world. In fact, pornography has become so
widespread that many of us have become desensitized to it. We rarely
think twice when we see sex in an advertisement, on TV, or in print. We
use vulgarity openly and without embarrassment. That which was deviance
has become normality.
What about the girl in the bookstore? There was a time, not long ago,
when our nation's leaders bowed together in prayer. Families prayed
together, asking God to guide and protect them. Children were allowed
time to pray in school. Religion was discussed openly and without
embarrassment. Spirituality was the norm.
Today, however, the mentioning of God or Jesus Christ often causes
people to cringe with fear and embarrassment. People often go to church
on Saturday or Sunday, but they rarely mention it at the office or in
the classroom. If people feel the need to pray, I suppose they can
sneak off to a church, "do their thing," and return home.
I followed the girl for awhile. I tried to muster up the courage to
tell her that I too was a believer. I wanted to tell her to carry her
Bible proudly. I longed to call out to her, "Hey! Don't let them wrap
your God in a plain brown wrapper."
---
.--._ .
\ ).'
)|/
_.'''-._
( \
\ )
)'-. (
/ _.-'\
/ )
('-._ /
\ _/ AoS
'-.__==''
...but ...What? He was doing exactly what he didn't want the little
girl to do wrapping God in his own 'plain brown wrapper' held back by
his own tongue and insecurities.
That would not have stopped the apostles from preaching God's Word!
2Tim.4
[1] I charge thee therefore before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who
shall judge the quick and the dead at his appearing and his kingdom;
[2] Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove,
rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.
[3] For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine;
but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers,
having itching ears;
[4] And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be
turned unto fables.
[5] But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an
evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.
What? You think this is Not Talking to YOU? After all, you reason you
do not have a ministry - or do you?
IF You Are A CHRISTIAN...
2 Cor.5:
[17] Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old
things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
[18] And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by
Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
Well, there you go - you DO have a Ministry - it is of reconciliation.
[19] To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto
himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed
unto us the word of reconciliation.
Now it is OUR turn to do what Christ did.
[20] Now then we are ambassadors for Christ...
Isn't that sweet? We not only have a ministry BUT we are
CHRIST'S AMBASSADORS! Awesome huh?
.--._ .
\ ).'
)|/
_.'''-._
( \
\ )
)'-. (
/ _.-'\
/ )
('-._ /
\ _/ AoS
'-.__==''
Time to get to work, people! Quit Brown Bagging it!
-<>-
THE LAUGH
,, ",
- c
`-|\.
/ `\
(/ |_\
|__, |
| |
| |
/___|
b'ger ===
>The Man and the Monastery
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He
goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke
down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As
the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next
morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't
tell you. You're not a monk."
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry
way.
Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same
monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That
night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't
tell you. You're not a monk."
The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way
I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become
a monk?"
The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades
of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find
these numbers, you will become a monk."
The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and
knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, "I have traveled the
earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232
blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."
The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now
show you the way to the sound."
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The
sound is right behind that door."
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, "Real funny. May I have the key?"
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden
door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the
stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a
door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide
it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it
went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz,
amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."
The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and
behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.
But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk. :)
-<>-
>Quick Jokes
______________________________________________________
__________|___________,_______________________________
__________|__________//,______________________________
__________|__________\|/;..___________________________
__________|___________\\//\,._________________________
__________|___________/ '\/_________________________
__________|__________/,* _ |_________________________
__________|_________( ) ( ) (_________________________
__________|__________\( " \________________________
__________|____________) \\______________________
__________|___________( \\\___________________
__________|____________\ ( \\ \\\_________________
__________|____________(\ \\ \\ \\\_______________
__________|_____________\\ \\ \\ \\\_____________
__________|______________\\ \\ \\ \\____________
__________|_______________\\ \\ \\ \\___________
__________|________________\-\ \\\ \\\\___________
__________|_________________\ /\_ \\\ \\___________
__________|__________________(( \-___- \\\__________
__________|___________________\ \_______ \\\_________
__________|____________________\ \_______ \\\________
__________|_____________________\ \________\\\_______
__________|______________________\ \________\\\______
__________|_______________________\ \________\\______
__________|________________________(--)_______________
__________|___________________________________________
__________|___________________________________________
bni
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had
lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to
know how the caller located him.
The caller said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept
repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-9851. I can't come to the phone
right now, please leave a message at the tone."
--------
Jimmy was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to
stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the
bell, Jimmy answered.
"I'd like to talk to your mother or father," said the teacher.
"Sorry, but they ain't here," he told her.
"Jimmy!" she said, "what is it with your grammar?"
"Beats me," Jimmy replied, "but dad sure was mad that they had t'go
bail her out again!"
--------
/`-.
\ `-._
|`-._ `-._
/ `-._ `-._
/ / `-._ `-._
/ / / `-._ `-._
`-._/ / / `-._ `-._
/ `-._/ / / `-._ `-.
`-._ `-._/ / / `-._ o)
`-._ `-._/ / / /||
//`-._ `-._/ / / ||
// `-._ `-._/ / ||
(o. /:`-._ `-._/ ||
\:`. /:/ `-./
\::\ /:/
______ \::\':/
.'.-----.'. .--(O)\'
/.': (| | /:.-'\::\
/ | :`. || | /:/ .o):\
____.'. [-'-----' | /:/.-'\.'\::\
.' |=| | <=| | _./:/ _.-' `.:|
|____.'=| [ | | ____.-' /:/-'_________(o)
(_.....---'-.__ | |\ |________ _______________|
[_| .------. '._| |'-'--------'---- .------. _|_
[_|__/ .----. \ ___ |[=:=]_:::::::::_/ .----. \___]
[___|/ / .. \ \___||___.-----------/ / .. \ \--'
| (^v) | | (^v) |
LGB \ '' / \ '' /
`----' `----'
A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road
signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one
they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew member
looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.
Turning to a co-worker he said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to
cross?"
--------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him.'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's heavy.'
-----------
I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid
before I can ask where I left my glasses.
-----------
___ .~- ` `' "' ` -~. ____
:~+.-` .-"-. .-"~._ `-.+~:
! / -` ` `'--~:.l
:' . '.
/
/-". : . \`
.` /.-"\ : `- ^ :`
^ "` `. \:'._ \ `!`
: :-===-. .-===-.\ .!/'.
'.; / . : :
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: '-: " :-;: `
. . ._..._. :::` _
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'/. . . `::l '-. .-' '|:::::::. ;
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: : :
' ' :
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The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the
week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment.
She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday.
Then, when the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and
changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the
picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness.
"What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic."
her mother said.
"It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for
rain!"
-----------
I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me struck up
a conversation.
Just as he was telling me that his wife was getting carried away
with her shopping, a brief power shortage caused the lights to flicker
overhead.
"Ah," he sighed, "that must be her checking out now."
-----------
Kids only want high-technology toys nowadays. My niece has an
imaginary playmate that requires batteries.
-----------
A passenger in a two-seater airplane was far up in the sky when the
pilot began to laugh hysterically.
Passenger: "What's the joke?"
Pilot: "I'm thinking of what they'll say at the asylum when they
find out I've escaped."
------------------
.-'''-.
. .
_\/___________
( | |\ |
| |___|_|_|
| __ |
| \/ | OOOO
| | ( )
========()== | |
/ /\ \--;_| |
/ /| | |__/
/_____/ __/ | |-|
/ ~~ ) | |
(( ~------..)/ |
| | |
| | /
\_________|__/__
| \
\ |
\__________ |
| / /
| / / -adam gurno
| /___/
/ /_/..
| / ~'-
| ----.. )
| | ~~~
|____|
|__|
/ '-----.
|________/
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all
that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said,
"Body, how'd you like to go to the nine o'clock vigorous toning class?"
Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen, dummy, do it and you DIE."
-----------
Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would sit down
and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would start to say
something, his wife said, "And what's that supposed to mean?"
And thus, Webster's Dictionary was born.
-----------
.------.
.------. |A . |
|A_ _ | .------; / \ |
|( \/ )|-----. _ |(_,_) |
| \ / | /\ |( ) | I A|
| \/ A|/ \ |_x_) |------'
`-----+'\ / | Y A|
| \/ A|-----' hjw
`------'
Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly
bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer, or any
physical sport?"
"Not at all. I just play bridge with my wife."
SUBSCRIBE INFO
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================================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Walking In Power
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/walkingpower.html
Believe In Your Dreams
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/dream.html
Life Is...
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeis.html
Wall Mural Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart3.html
Amazing Cope Cars 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html
Beaches In India
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beaches.html
Best Bed Positions
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bed.html
Koala Twins
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalatwins.html
Germany's Water Bridge
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wbridge.html
Extreme Camping
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html
Jobs That Suck!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobs.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend JDRogers :)
dare you not to laugh
http://www.snotr.com/video/5987
---
...LMAO! How does he ever catch fish? Thank You JDRogers!
Reminds me of me when I fish - I catch trees and logs and
others catch me - in my head with their hooks! HaHa!
-<>-
>From Our Friend John-Paul :)
Names of Vietnam War casualties by city and
state www.VirtualWall.org
http://www.virtualwall.org/iStates.htm
---
...Great Info! Thank You John-Paul!
-<>-
>From Our Friend EdLaF :)
Truth and untruths !!
SNOPES and the new 1% tax....
http://www.snopes.com/politics/taxes/debtfree.asp
---
...Interesting! Thanks EdLaF!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
ripped : word search maker
http://goo.gl/sP9nd
---
...Nice! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Beer Fridge
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9261.htm
Best Video
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9262.htm
Big Screen TV
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9263.htm
Bike Meets Post
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9264.htm
Billiards
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9265.htm
Black Diamond Cheese
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9266.htm
If Women Ran Hell
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41045.htm
Indian Moon
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41048.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
=============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"NASCAR is trying some new initiatives to go green, including planting
trees and using ethanol fuel. Most controversial is the idea of having
NASCAR drivers carpool in the race." -Conan O'Brien
"There was meteor sighting across several states. I spent the whole
morning in the desert looking for a baby Superman, but couldn't find
one." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A new study found that a mother's diet affects her baby's allergies.
Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats." -Jimmy Fallon
"I like Medieval Times, but if they wanted to have a real medieval
experience, they would knock out half your teeth and give you food that
would give you dysentery." -Craig Ferguson
"Obama says the jobs bill will be paid for. I don't like this focus on
paying for things. That's what future generations are for." -Jimmy
Kimmel
"A newspaper is a thing that people used to read. It's like a website,
but all the information is from yesterday." -Craig Ferguson
"Hey, I heard that 7-Eleven is now selling potato chips that taste like
hot dogs. Seriously? I'm still waiting for 7-Eleven to sell hot dogs
that taste like hot dogs." -Jimmy Fallon
"According to the 'Wall Street Journal', researchers at Harvard have
found an enzyme in the brain that regulates obesity. They said if it
wasn't for our brains, we would all be thin. That's why supermodels are
so skinny." --Jay Leno
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
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FUN URLS
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-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
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-->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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