Quotes, Nuns, One Liners And More... :) Shamgy! >Here are the details on our ShangyFunList: Group Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com :) The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first too hot to handle new page is from our friend Linda. It's heartwarming for those who are sentimentally inclined. A husband made a wonderful legacy that will last for years to come for his beloved wife. Be sure to visit the page and watch the sweet video here too: _____ _____ ,ad8PPPP88b, ,d88PPPP8ba, d8P" "Y8b, ,d8P" "Y8b dP' "8a8" `Yd 8( " )8 I8 8I Yb, ,dP "8a, ,a8" "8a, ,a8" "Yba adP" `Y8a a8P' `88, ,88' "8b d8" Normand "8b d8" Veilleux `888' " Husband's Love Story! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/husbandslove.html --- ...Aww, how touching! Thanks Linda! This hot tottie is from our friends LouiseAu and PatDeE. It's sure to brighten your day with some light hearted funnies. Give this a few minutes and don't forget the fun video here too... ___ ( ) ~=====~ ^ ^ e e | (A portrait of Stan Laurel, symbol of fun) - \_/ author: adrian Chuckles http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chuckles.html --- ...HaHaHa! Rib ticklers for sure! Thanks my friends! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: | \ _ / -= (_) =- / \ _\/_ | //o\ _\/_ _____ _ __ __ ____ _ | __/o\\ _ =-=-_-__=_-= _=_=-=_,-'|"'""-|-,_ =- _=-=- -_=-=_,-" | jgs =- =- -=.--" A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach. The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder." -<>- A young Native American lad asked his father, who was a wise man and chief of the tribe, a question: "Why do we have such long names father? And the white man has short names like Tom, Bob, or Sam?" The chief answered, "The reason my son is this: Indians name their young after the events that take place in their lives. For instance, your sister is named Shinning Moon Over The Lake. On the evening she was born the fall moon was full and shimmering over the lake. And your brother is named White Horse On The Plain. When he was born a majestic white stallion was galloping across the plains. So son, you see that is why we Indians have such long names. Now, do you have any other questions, Broken Condom Made In China?" -<>- _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb >Rejections: The Female Way 10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo- playing geek in "Deliverance"). 9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (I don't want to do my dad). 8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon). 7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing). 6. I've got a boyfriend (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's). 5. I don't date men where I work. (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building). 4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you). 3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you). 2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you). 1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet. It's that male perspective thing). --- __)), //_ _) ( "\" \_-/ ,---/ '---. / - - \ / \_. _|__,/ \ / )\ )\_ \ / _/ ( ' ) / / / | (_____) | / /,' / \/ /, _/(_ ( ._, )-' `--,/ |____|__| | ) | | / | | / \ | / `| | _) | | | | | / \ | | | \ | | \ | \_ gnv /__( '-._`, >Rejections: The Male Way 10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly). 9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly). 8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly). 7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly). 6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly). 5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly). 4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly). 3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly). 2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly). 1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly). ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 8 is Boy Scout Day - celebrates the birthday of scouting, Clean out Your Computer Day and Kite Flying Day - in the middle of winter!?! February 9 is National Pizza Day and Toothache Day February 10 is Umbrella Day February 11 is Don't Cry over Spilled Milk Day, Make a Friend Day, National Inventors Day, Paczki Day in Poland and White T-Shirt Day February 12 is Abraham Lincoln's Birthday. Chinese New Years, National Lost Penny Day and Plum Pudding Day February 13 is Get a Different Name Day February 14 is Valentine's Day, Ferris Wheel Day and National Organ Donor Day ======================================================= .-. .-. / < >-`'`'`-< > \ _' | | , ____ `-.' `.-' .-. '| | | | | / |/ \ / | \/ / 6 6 \ \ / |/\| |/|/|/ \_|\_/ \_|, .-. .oo. .-. | .-o-. | (|||)< /| ( >|==|< ) | ._|_. | / \ /| \| `-' |==| `-' `. _ .' `-' |_____ ,_ _ `==' .'`-.______.-'` `. | \ /_\ | | | / | , .' `. |_/ \__, | | |/\_|/ / \ /| / | | \ \| | _/ __ __ \_ | | | | _/(_.::::..::::._)\_ | , ___, | _ ,_ |_ ' ,_ _ \ \::::::::::/ / \ / / | | /_\ | \ | | | \ /_\ `. /::::::::::\ .' \/ \_|/|_/\__/| |/|_/|/| |/\__, ,oOo. / `---'`.::::::::.'`---' \ .oOo. ,-. oOOOo | `.::::.' | oOOOo __ \ / `OoO' \ (%`::'%) / `OoO' \ >(|||) | /\ \%%%%/ /%. | _/ / \ | _.'%%`. |%%| .'%%'\_ v | /\ | `-' <|/%`%%%%%`._ (%%) _.'%%%%%'%\(>o<) |/.') o (X) |-.%%%%<%%/ /%%\ \%%%<%%%-'\ ^ |`-' Vv_|'%|%%%%%%%%( /%%%%\ )%%%%%%%%`|. | ,Vv\|//|vW,V!!/vVyVv,,vVVv,Ww,||,,vVhjwVv!!V|vV\|/ hjw >-->Jokes For Valentine's Day :) A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on. One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her 'my darling.' But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years. At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years. Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, 'My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?' And the lady said, 'Pardon?' --- Q: What did one flame say to the other on Valentine’s Day? A: “We’re a perfect match.” --- Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy. The reception, however, was excellent. --- ____ _.-'78o `"`--._ ,o888o. .o888o, ''-. ,88888P `78888P..______.] /_..__..----"" __.' `-._ /""| _..-'' "`-----\ `\ | ;.-""--.. | ,8o. o88. `. `;888P `788P : .o""-.|`-._ ./ J88 _.-/ ";"-P----' `--'\`| / / | / | | \| / |akn `-----`---' “If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods. He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms. Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to marry.” “Why?” asked the man, smiling. “I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!” she replied. --- Tom Swiftie: “Let’s make our own Valentines,” Tom said craftily. Tom Swiftie: “She tore my valentine in half!” said Tom half- heartedly. --- A Cub Scout found a frog that said, “Kiss me and I will become a beautiful princess.” The boy studied the frog, then put it in his pocket. “Hey,” the frog croaked, “how come you didn’t kiss me?” “I’d rather have a talking frog than a princess any day!” --- I just got a text from my girlfriend that said, “I bought you an awesome Valentine’s Day gift! xox” I really hope she spelled 'Xbox' wrong. --- Q: Why do melons have to get married in churches? A: Because they cantaloupe! Q: What did the boy candy say to the girl candy? A: 'It's Valentine's Day and we're mint for each other.' _ |\_,,____ ( o__o \/ /(..) \ (_ )--( _) / ""--"" \ ,===,=| |-,,,,-| |==,== |d | WW | WW | |s | | | | | Q: What do pigs give on Feb. 14? A: Valen-swines! Q: What did one magnet say to the other magnet on Valentine’s Day? A: 'I find you very attractive!' Q: Why do oars fall in love? A: Because they’re row-mantic. --- Tobin: What happened to your leg? Matt: I went to a seafood dance on Valentine’s Day. Tobin: And? Matt: I pulled a mussel! --- Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day? A: I'm stuck on you! Q: Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? A: Because it's all heart. ,;;:;, ;;;;; ,:;;:; ,'=. ;:;:;' .=" ,'_\ ':;:;,/ ,__:=@ ';;:; =./)_ jgs `"=\_ )_"` ``'"` Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts. Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called? A: His ghoul-friend. Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune? A: Because it couldn't get a date. Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day? A: Ughs and kisses! Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? A: I love you a ton! Q: What did one pickle say to the other? A: You mean a great dill to me. _ _ ( \/ ) .---. \ / .-"-. / 6_6 \/ / 4 4 \ \_ (__\ \_ v _/ // \\ // \\ (( )) (( )) =======""===""========""===""======= jgs ||| ||| | | Q: What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day? A: Let me call you Tweet heart! Q: What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day? A: You're purrr-fect for me! Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand? Q: What did one snake say to the other snake? A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey. Q: What is a ram's favorite song on February 14th? A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear. ' . ' . . . : . . '. ______ .' ' _.-"` `"-._ ' .' '. `'--. / \ .--'` / \ ; ; - -- | | -- - | _. | ; /__`A ,_ ; .-' \ |= |;._.}{__ / '-. _.-""-|.' # '. ` `.-"{}<._ / 1938 \ \ x `" ----/ \_.-'|--X---- -=_ | | |- X. =_ - __ |_________|_.-'|_X-X## jgs `'-._|_|;:;_.-'` '::. `"- .:;. .:. ::. '::. Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? A: Hogs and Kisses! Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? A: Sure, they're very scent-imental! Q: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? A: "I'm sweet on you!" Q: What did the painter say to her boyfriend? A: "I love you with all my art!" Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day? A: Cauliflowers! Q: Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail? A: She stole his heart. Q: What did the pencil say to the paper? A: I dot my i's on you! .-"""""""-. .'""."".""`. / \ * / \ / ^ \ /^ \ { ((@)\*/((@) }.{ ~Q '\ / Q ~}} ( `.~~ .V. ~~.'}.`._.' V`._.' ) ( ( `-') `-' } ~~ ~~ ) ( ( ) ^ ^ 0 " " " ( ( ) ( ) ^^ 00 " ( .) ( ( ) ^ 00 " ( ( ) ) { ) ^^ .0'0 " " ( } { } ^ )) 0 ( } `--www--' "--mmm------ " mb Q: What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine's Day? A: Owl be yours! Q: What did one light bulb say to the other? A: I love you a whole watt! Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend? A: You're fun to hang around with. Q: What did one pickle say to the other? A: You mean a great dill to me. Q: What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine's Day? A: I'm nuts about you! Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine's Day? A: My heart beats for you! Q: What did the ghost say to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? A: Be my Valenslime! Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine's Day? A: You're not so baaaa-d! `>.___ o-.--.-o ___,<' / `. / ,, \ .' \ { `.; ,__, ;.' } `._ }`.__.'{ _.' `,=."' `".=,' .' /`-.____.-'_ `, \_.';`-.______.-':`._/ `+-.______.-'' `-.____.-' / || \ ; ;; ; `-./ \.-' fsc Q: What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine's Day? A: You are bee-utiful! Q: What did the boy bear say to the girl bear on Valentine's Day? A: I love you beary much! Q: What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? A: Whale you be mine! /\ /\ ( V | \ | / (r r) ( " ) / \ (_m m_) / \ -Felix Lee- _\ _ /_ (___/*\___) Q: What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? A: Somebunny loves you! Q: Knock Knock. ...Who's there? ...Sherwood ...Sherwood who? A: Sherwood like to be your Valentine! Q: Knock Knock. ...Who's there? ...Pooch ...Pooch who? A: Pooch your arms around me! Q: Knock Knock. ...Who's there? ...Atlas. ...Atlas who? A: Atlas, it's Valentine's Day! Q: Knock Knock. ...Who's there? ...Emma. ...Emma who? A: Emma hoping I get lots of cards on Valentine's Day! ,@@@@@@, ,@@@@@""@@, ( _ _ , @@@@@ 6.6\@ :\ ( \/ ) {{^\@@@C _-_)@ : \ \ / {{:\\@@@) (@@' : \ \/ (\/) {{::\\ / \---.:.__\_ \/ \`::\( , \---:---._) `"`"; \ \|_.-;====I======{> | \ _.-': / (\/) | `"/ : / \/ // \/ : / \\_ \ :/ \ \ | ( ) ) ) / / / jgs / / /_ (_(____) Q: Knock Knock. ...Who's there? ...Luke. ...Luke who? A: Luke who got a Valentine! Q: Knock Knock. ...Who's there? ...Frank. ...Frank who? A: Frank you for being my friend! Q: Knock Knock. ...Who's there? ...Jimmy ...Jimmy who? A: Jimmy a little kiss! __, ,___) __, ,_) ,_) ______) (--|__| _, _ _ (--| /_ | _ ,_-|-',_ _', (--| \ _, _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _|/(_||(/_| || || |(//_) _|__/(_|(_| ( | | ,_| ( |_, |_, ( ,_| _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ /` \/ `\ _ _ /` \/ `\ _ _ /` \/ `\ _ _ /` \/ `\ _ _ \ / /` \/ `\ \ / /` \/ `\ \ / /` \/ `\ \ / /` \/ `\ '. .' \ / '. .' \ / '. .' \ / '. .' \ / \/ '. .' \/ '. .' \/ '. .' \/ '. .' jgs \/ \/ \/ \/ Happy Valentine's Day! - Valentine Index! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valentineindex.html ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) .--. .--. : _ \/ _ : _\/ \ 6 6 / \__\ ' / \'--'/ \__/_ /\ /\ \ / \/ \ \ / jgs _\ /_ (__\ /__) >SMILES An old woman has three daughters. One day she decided to test her sons-in-law. She was walking alone at a lake shore with the first son-in law. Purposefully, she fell in the lake and started yelling for help. The first son-in-law jumped in the lake and dragged her to shore. The very next day he found a brand new Ford Focus in his driveway with the words "Thank you, your mother-in-law loves you very much." Another day she was walking along the lake shore with the second son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down into the lake and started yelling for help. The second son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her to shore. The very next day he found a brand new Pontiac Sunfire in his driveway with the words, "Thank you, your mother-in- law loves you very much." The third day she was walking with the third son-in-law and repeated the test, but that guy didn't respond to her cries for help and didn't make a single move to save her. The poor old lady who wanted to test her sons-in-law drowned and died. The next day he found a brand new Mercedes convertible in his driveway with the words, "Thank you very much! Your father-in-law." -------- Two blonde men go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: reels, rods, wading suits, rowboat, car, even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day and the third. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home, they are really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?" The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!" -------- Some people are extremely impressed when you tell them you're a US Navy SEAL. Case in point: My grandson's pre-K class on Career Day. I regaled them with stories of my exploits in the military. After I finished, hands shot up into the air all over the classroom. The kids were eager to ask questions. "So," asked one little girl, "can you balance a ball on the end of your nose?" -------- Eight times this month, my blind uncle has fallen out of the tree in his garden. Three or four times, he's fallen off the neighbors' extension ladder---and twice he's got trapped under a car. Today, though, he got stuck in a gap in the neighbor's fence, and the stress of trying to extricate himself, did him in. This has caused me a major headache, since it happened so close to Valentine's Day. Not only do I have to arrange the funeral and everything; I've got to find a new home for his guide-cat. -------- A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery. The Arab steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket. He says to the Jew, “See how clever I am? The owner didn’t see anything.” The Jew says to the Arab, “That’s the typical dishonesty of you. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result.” He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, “Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick.” Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew asks for a third pastry and eats that, too. The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, “What did you do with the pastries?” The Jew replies, “Look in my Arab friend’s pocket.” --- ...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ,;;;, ,;;;, ;;;;;;;,;;;;;;; .:::. .::::;;;;;;;;;;; :::::::.:::::::;;;;;;;;;' :::::::::::::::;;;;;;;' ':::::::::::::';;;;;' ':::::::::' ';' ':::::' ':' >Quotes Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible - George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield Money can't buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. - Joe Namath I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - W. C. Fields We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out. --- ...Good Ones! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- .-""""--. _ _ / ) ( \/ ) / --"` \ / _ _ / _`:____ \/ ( \/ ) | .-' `\ \ / \ / .----'./ \/ \ : ,-' ~(.).)\ _ _ \_| \ ._) | ( \/ ) _ _ / | \.__, / \ / ( \/ ) _.--' )`///-,-' _ _ \/ \ / / / _| (_\\ ( \/ ) \/ | (____/____) \ / \ ___/ | _ \/ `---( ` ) `-, .' (__.'._/'._/ |`| | __/ / / // | `--. || /_____) jgs `=---` >Two Clever Nuns - There were two nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical(SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38 1?2 minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to violate us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. A little while later... SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in 1 minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And? SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me. SM : Oh, dear! What did you do? SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down. And for those of you who thought it would be dirty....... Say two Hail Mary's! --- ...Oh Gee! HaHA! Thanks Louiseau! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: ___ / \ | | | | /~~~\ _____\___/_____ | | | | | | | | | | __\___/__ | | | | ,' `, | | | | | | | | | | | | | ,' `, | | | | | ,' | | `, |__| | |__| | | | | | | | `\,' `,/' | | | | | | | | `-----------' | | | | | | | | | Normand | | | | | | Veilleux | | | | | | | | | |___|___| |__|__| You may be cleaning your bathroom every week, but are you taking care of the things we use in the bathroom? Toothbrushes should be replaced every 6 months, as well as being cleaned in between. Every couple of weeks you can disinfect your toothbrush by putting them in a glass of hydrogen peroxide to kill all the bacteria. Side note: it is also recommended to keep your toothbrushes out of the cabinet, and in the light because darkness is a breeding ground for bacteria. * Do you wash your hairbrushes and combs? Hairbrushes gather all sorts of dirt, oil, and hair product build-up - so they should be cleaned regularly. Cleaning your brush is easy! You can use either dish soap or shampoo - your choice. Holding the handle, swirl the head of the brush around in a bowl of warm water. Next, put a few drops of gentle shampoo on the bristles of an old toothbrush and use the toothbrush to scrub the bristles and base of the hairbrush. * How dirty is your toilet brush? Most people don't think twice about cleaning their toilet brush, but a quick rinse is all that's needed. Putting the brush right back into the holder after using is big no-no. Moisture and the fact that the brush has not been washed causes bacteria to grow super fast. All you need to do is rinse the used brush in the clean toilet water, and let it air dry before putting back in its holder. -<>- |\\\ ///| | \\V// | | |~| | | |=| | <=== supplemental data | | | | | | | | (()____ \ |=| / mouse ===> (' `\_______, \|_|/ `,,---,,' >MORE Hints: * Get Rid of Soup Fat And don't despair about soup that's too fatty - it can be fixed. If you have time, put the pot of soup in the refrigerator, wait 30 minutes, then skim the grease from the top and reheat. If you're short on time, add a few ice cubes and remove them as soon as you see grease sticking to them. Or try tossing a large lettuce leaf into the pot to absorb any extra oil. Discard the leaf once it looks limp. * Keep the oven door shut! When baking, try to resist the temptation to peek at those cookies every 2 minutes to see if theyre ready to nom yet. Opening the oven door lets valuable heat escape and prolongs the time it takes for the food to cook, thus wasting a considerable amount of energy. * Make Ice Cubes From Iced Coffee No need to pour a pot of leftover brewed coffee down the drain. Freeze the liquid in ice-cube trays to add to iced coffee instead of regular ice cubes. Your coffee won't lose its potency as the cubes melt. --- .--------------------------------. \\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\\ \\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\ \\\___\___\___\___\___\___\___\___\\ \\\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\\ \\\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\ \\\___^___^___^___^___^___^___^___\\ \`--------------------------------' \______________________________/ VK ...What? No ice cube tray? Check out these handy tips: https://www.wikihow.com/Make-Ice-Cubes-Without-a-Tray ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ,-._,,_,-. ((`,-""-.')) |=,'""`.=| |=|O__O|=| ;`-'(__)`-'; ',_ -. _,` > ,`--',-. >; ;=-=\ =| ;,='| =| | ==| =| }`=-| =| |`==| =| ;===| '| | \-. '| \ `--< (=\ \_)-' |=`.___/=| |`=|`=-j=| hjw ,-'`_|`=-|=( (i_,' `==(-=\ (i_i_____)==\ __)`=) (`.`=/ `--' >One Line Humor... Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later. You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me. Those who can't laugh at themselves, leave the job to others. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them. .-"""-. .-"""-. / `..' \ ; ___ _ _ ; | | | / \| ||_ | ; _|_ |__\_/|/ |_ ; \ _ / \__ \_// \| | / _ / | | \_/\_/ /' | \ \/_/\ /' \_\| / __ `\ /' \/_/__\ `\/' .--='/~\ ____,__/__,_____,______)/ /{~}}} -,-----,--\--,-----,---,\'-' {{~}} jgs __/\_ '--=.\}/ /_/ |\\ \/ It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak! Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come! Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. --- ...LOL! Great Ones! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: 2021 Super Bowl score: Tom Brady wins seventh ring as Buccaneers dominate Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes - Tampa Bay won its second Super Bowl as Brady affirmed his legendary status tinyurl.com/4htybnlq Moms – Make Sure Your Teen Daughters Aren’t Partaking In This Dangerous TikTok Challenge tinyurl.com/4gcfq92e Biden Admin To Remove ‘Terrorist’ Designation For Iran-Backed Militia Group In Yemen / CNN’s “State Of The Union” Anchor Says Trump Supporters Need To Be ‘Held Accountable’...Ignores BLM- ANTIFA Rioters Chanting “Burn It Down” In DC / Joe Biden Says: ‘It’s Going To Take Ten Years To Get Back To Full Employment’ https://thescoop.us/ Biden’s Claims on $15 Minimum Wage Don’t Pass the Fact Checkers / Texas GOP Supports Legislation for Secession / Dems Refuse to Allow Pledge before Meetings / NYC Wasting Vaccine by Not Telling People Where to Get Jabbed / Are “Climate” Lockdowns Next? / Rep Omar’s Husband Takes 80% of Her Campaign Money https://reliablenewsnow.com Big Tech Shuts Down Major Christian Organization /Joe Biden Presidency is a Big Win for Russians / Anti-Trump Group Under Fire for Involvement in Alleged Underage S Scandal https://deepstatejournal.com/ SLEEPY JOE Trying To Strip Trump Of Privilege Every Former President Has! / Revealed: The REAL President Who Is Running Things Instead Of Biden! / The Supreme Court Has Given Sidney Powell Her Day In Court! http://2020conservative.com/ Did Pelosi Just Catch HERSELF In Big Time Stock Scam? / KAMALA Caught Up In Big Time MURDER Scandal! / HOLY COW! Facebook Just Admitted To Blatant Election Meddling! [VIDEO] https://threepercenternation.com/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Recall Alert: Pasta Salad, Potato Salad, Assorted Dip Products http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: Much of the country has been battling snow storms this past week. Some areas got it worse than others. In Tahoe City, California they got it pretty bad. Due to its high elevation, Tahoe City regularly gets a lot of snow, but last week one family went to bed in their cabin, but they woke up buried alive. The Heller family woke up to find their house was completely covered in fresh powder. It would take them hours to shovel their way to the surface. "We still have more to do," said Mary Heller. "You know you get a little bit excited when you see something different, but I was nervous too. I felt a little claustrophobic and it made me worried about the heating vents possibly being clogged and I knew that I just wanted to start shoveling." Still up to her neck in snow, Mary and her family spent more than a day digging out of the snow. They come up to their cabin in Tahoe City every year, but this year they got quite a surprise. "We woke up in the morning, it was a complete cave. Every single window was just completely covered with snow," said Mary. Daughter, Kit and her brother went to work, shoveling for hours at a time. But what felt like progress, kept getting covered up as more snow continued to fall. Shoveling for hours until they could climb out, Mary said she then had to ski through the streets to the store to get more food. "Turned it into a good day," said Mary. -<>- Not a good Valentine's Day Method... When most women want a sample of semen from a guy all they have to do is put on a low-cut top and go to a bar. Or go to the Internet, or pick up a phone, or make eye contact with a guy in the grocery store. Pretty much any of these tactics will work, but maybe things don't work the same way in South Africa, because apparently there is a ring of women there who are kidnapping men for their semen. Most recently a man was kidnapped at gunpoint and raped by three women who collected his semen in a cooler and stealing it before abandoning their victim. This method seems to be part of a growing trend. The 33-year-old man gave the women directions when they pulled up in a black BMW. Suddenly, one of the women armed with a gun got out and forced him into the back of the car. The trio then drove him over a hundred miles away and fondled him in the back of the car but he did not become aroused, so they forced him to drink an 'unknown substance' from a bottle to aid him. They then raped the man repeatedly and collected his semen in plastic bags, placing them in a cooler. The man was then kicked out of the car while the women made off with the stolen sperm. The exact same method is being used by women in Gauteng, who are also forcing men to drink from a bottle and stealing their semen but no arrests have been made. Constable Mncedi Mbombo said, "They then forced him to drink an unknown substance from a bottle. This got him aroused quickly even though he was still scared and didn't want to have s%x. "This is really confusing to us because we have never heard of such a thing before. The man was fully conscious throughout his ordeal and he is still traumatized." Police have now opened a rape investigation. *--- Six people arrested for 'Hollyboob' sign ---* Police in Los Angeles said six people were arrested after altering the Hollywood sign to read "Hollyboob" in what the alleged perpetrators said was a breast cancer awareness message. The Los Angeles Police Department said the five men and one woman climbed the hills surrounding the sign and threw a tarp bearing a giant letter B over the W and added a dash to the final D to make it look like a second B. "A few hours ago, a group attempted to vandalize the Hollywood sign. Los Angeles landmarks are precious to those of us @LAPDHollywood and this was way uncool (not to mention the terrain is quite steep & dangerous). Hollywood patrol officers have arrested all six individuals," LAPD Capt. Steve Lurie tweeted. Lurie said the six people, who claimed the stunt was intended to raise breast cancer awareness, were released after being charged with misdemeanor trespassing. "There's no vandalism, because the sign wasn't damaged," he said. *-- Authorities find 'underwater skeleton tea party' --* Authorities in Arizona responding to a report of human remains in the Colorado River said they actually discovered a staged "underwater skeleton tea party." The La Paz County Sheriff's Department said deputies received a report Monday from a Colorado River snorkeler who spotted what appeared to be human remains near the Cienega Springs boat launch. A Buckskin Fire Department diver investigated with a video camera and discovered the reported remains were actually a pair of fake skeletons in lawn chairs having what the sheriff's department described as an "underwater skeleton tea party." "Although the call itself was resource intensive, both the Sheriff's Office and Buckskin Fire were happy to find that the remains weren't real and thanked the reporting party for making the call," the department said. *--- Dog blamed for crashing pickup into pool ---* A North Carolina couple whose pickup truck crashed into a swimming pool said their black lab was responsible for putting pressure on the gas pedal. Mike and Ruth Smith said their dog, Caroline, was riding with them on a trip to the grocery store in their 1988 Dodge pickup Friday when something spooked her. "When she gets scared she will go down on the floorboard of the truck," Mike Smith told WRAL-TV. Smith said Caroline chose the driver's side floor on this occasion and put all 90 pounds of her weight on the gas pedal. He said he was unable to pull the dog up from the floor and Ruth Smith, who was driving, aimed the vehicle for a wooden fence in the hopes of stopping the truck. The pickup crashed through the fence and ended up in John McNamara's swimming pool. McNamara said he was in the kitchen with his wife when they heard the commotion in the yard. "I just had open heart surgery in January," McNamara reported. "I said, 'I'm gonna have another heart attack here.'" Michael Smith suffered a few cuts to his head. Ruth Smith and Caroline were not injured. The Dodge was totaled. "I hate that it happened to [McNamara's] pool, but I think that it might have saved our lives," Michael Smith said. *--- San Francisco Schools Battle White Supremacy ---* According to the San Francisco United School District white supremacy is everywhere. It's in what you watch, it's in what you read, it's ingrained in the very language. According to a memo by Sam Bass, director of the San Francisco United School District, even acronyms are a symptom of "white supremacy culture." So they have decided to replace the acronym VAPA (Visual and Performing Arts) with - and here's the important part - another acronym. Moving forward VAPA will now be known as SFUSD Arts Department. Because apparently some acronyms are more racist than others. This development follows the controversial decision by San Francisco's school board to formally rename 44 schools that currently honor George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and even Sen. Dianne Feinstein among others. All while San Francisco schools aren't even open. --- ...Must be something in their water making them racist & stupid. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: With Valentine's Day coming up fast I've been thinking thought about romance, love, and dating. Dating has got to be rough these days, right? Well, I guess date are still being gone out on so I want to help those good people with a few things you should avoid saying because it might ruin an otherwise wonderful evening. Here are a few of those "wrong things"... DON"T SAY THIS STUFF... EVER! ...... ...... .:oOOOOo:. .:oOOOOo:. .:oOO:'':Oo:. .:oO:'':OOo:. .:oO: 'Oo:oO' :Oo:. :oO: 'o' :Oo: :oO: :Oo: ':oO: V A L E N T I N E :Oo:' ':oO: :Oo:' ':oO. .Oo:' ':oO. .Oo:' ':oO. .Oo:' ':oO. .Oo:' jgs 'oO:Oo' 'oOo' 'o' Questions Not To Be Asked On A 1st Date 1. Are those real? 2. Did you know that you look just like my mom? 3. Wanna take a shower with me? 4. Guess what I was in jail for? 5. Did you just fart? 6. Would you like to know who's in the urn? 7. Did you ever wonder what human flesh tastes like? 8. Would you like to hear about my alien abduction? 9. Do you let your dogs watch you do it? 10. You don't hear voices, do you? Me neither, a couple of times. These questions will surely guarantee that you would not be eligible for a second date, but then again the world is a strange place. Groaningly yours, Steve -<>- >Snow Joke Knock, knock Who's there? Snow Snow who? Snow ones home at my house. -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: What do you get if you cross an owl with a skunk? A: A bird that smells but doesn't give a hoot. Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Snowflakes! Q: How do you kill a circus troupe? A: Go for the juggler! _......._ .-'.'.'.'.'.'.`-. .'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.`. /.'.' '.\ |.' _.--...--._ | \ `._.-.....-._.' / | _..- .-. -.._ | .-.' `. ((@)) .' '.-. ( ^ \ `--. .-' / ^ ) \ / . . \ / / .' '. .- \ ( _.\ \ (_`-._.-'_) /._\) `-' \ ' .--. / `-' | / /|_| `-._.'\ | | | |_| | /-.._ _..-\ `.--.______.' | \ ..... | `. .' `. / \ .' LGB `-..___..-` Q: Why did the Cyclops close his school? A: He had only one pupil! Q: Why does a tiger have stripes? A: So he won't be spotted. Q: How do you fix a broken tomato? A: With tomato paste! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: (\ (\_\_^__o ___ `-'/ `_/ '`--\______/ | ' / | mic ` . ' `-`/.------'\^-' >Story Time... [edited] As if the 14 inches of snow we got over the weekend wasn't enough, we got another 5 inches yesterday, and today the temperature has dropped down to a cozy 16 degrees. The one who has really been suffering in all of this wintery weather is the wife's poor, little Dog-Puss. For some reason she has an odd prohibition against pooping in the back yard. She'll do it if she absolutely has to, but she'll keep things clamped down all day just so she can save it for her walk. Must be some kind of neurosis. Personally I appreciate this attitude toward keeping a clean yard, but I don't think the poor, little girl understands why she hasn't been going for her walks the last couple of days. When I came home yesterday afternoon I found the wife watching TV with the dog. Before I got undressed she said, "Would you go out with Mini for a couple minutes? She hasn't pooped all day, and maybe if you're out there with her she'll finally do her business." "I can do better than that," I said. "Throw me her leash and I'll walk her to the end of the block. That'll motivate her." "It's still 20 degrees and snowing out there," the wife warned me. "We won't go far. Just long enough for Min to do her business." You should have seen how excited that little dog got when I put her harness on her. She couldn't wait to get out of the door. The problem was, there is no grass anywhere. To the dog the sidewalk is just an icy cold valley in between mountains of snow. We made it about half a block before Mini just sat down and began picking her paws up off the ice, one after the other. She refused to move. So I had to pick her up in my arms and carry her back to the house. Eventually the dog was forced to use the back yard after about 12 hours of holding it, but she still wouldn't use the patio. She climbed a five-foot tall mountain of snow in the middle of the yard and made a deposit right at the peak. I swear. That's dedication, right there. Laugh it up, Joe --- ...I always shovel out an area for the dog and for the birds. In winter the birds have a difficult time finding food to keep warm - Especially in heavy snow times. Throwing out old food is a godsend to them. You might be surprised by how much birds really eat: https://www.birdnote.org/listen/shows/how-much-do-birds-eat -<>- The heaviest element known to science is Managerium. This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus made up of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-neutrons all going round in circles. Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization. ,-----. (MORONS?) `----y' (--./) /..)< (o o ,\ ___ `--'\(\_____/ \-._ \`---' . )-.\ ) \ < )) | >--( .) / ( ) |/_| U/ /| * /_|_| /_|_\ O!o Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons. -<>- When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?" -<>- Caller: 'Hi, can you connect me with Jack?' Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.' Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of your user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?' Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.' -<>- ____ ___|=--=/ \=--=| :(___.--. .--.___): { __ ' ) ( ` __ )= ""----'Ahas '----"" ====' A co-worker came to work one day wearing shoes that were identical in style, only one was black and the other brown. I quietly pointed this out to him. He smiled and said, "Unusual, aren't they? Believe it or not, I've got another pair just like this at home." You know how in first grade they used fruits to explain stuff like "one banana plus two bananas make three bananas"? Here's a list of high school math courses based on bananas: Algebra I - A You have a negative banana (possibly made of antimatter). Add two bananas to it and you get one banana. Algebra I - B You have a banana. Factor it, or solve for apples using the quadratic formula. Geometry Prove: Bananas are not vegetables. Given: Bananas are fruits. Algebra II You have an imaginary banana. Square it, and you get one of those weird anti-matter bananas. The student learns that their dreams will become reality if they only raise them to the fourth power. Pre-Calculus What is the cosecant of Pi over 2 bananas in a unit apple? Calculus AB The student learns to find the slope of a banana. Calculus BC The student learns to find the slope of a banana and also to find the area under the banana. -<>- .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | >Marriage Definitions BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony. BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way. DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat. GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling. HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it. HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had. JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw. LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition. SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place. WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet. ========================================================= >-->From ArcaMax: ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 .d88 8 oooooooooooooooooooooooooooood8888 8 8888888888888888888888888P" 8888 oooooooooooooooo 8 8888888888888888888888P" 8888 8 8 8 8888888888888888888P" 8888 8 d8 8 8888888888888888P" 8888 8 d88 8 8888888888888P" 8888 8 d888 8 8888888888P" 8888 8 d8888 8 8888888P" 8888 8 d88888 8 8888P" 8888 8 d888888 8 8888oooooooooooooooooooooocgmm8888 8 d8888888 8 .od88888888888888888888888888888888 8 d88888888 8888888888888888888888888888888888888 8 d888888888 8 d8888888888 ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 d88888888888 d ...oood8b 8 d888888888888 d ...oood888888888888b 8 d8888888888888 d ...oood88888888888888888888888b 8d88888888888888 dood8888888888888888888888888888888888b Young Judy was having trouble with her computer, so she called Tony, the computer guy, over to her desk. Tony clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error." A puzzled expression came over Judy's face. "An ID Ten T Error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again." Tony gave her a grin. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error before?" "No," replied Judy. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." She wrote... I D 1 0 T -<>- ,sdPBbs. ,d$$$$$$$$b. d$P'`Y'`Y'`?$b d' ` ' \ `b / | \ \ / / \ | \ _,--' | \ | /' _/ \ | \ _/' /' | \ `-.__ __/' ,-' / | | \ `--...__ /' / | / \ \ `-. `\ / /;;,,__-' / / \ \ `-. / |;;;;;;;\ \ >Montana Dumb Laws - It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail. - It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone. - Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them. - In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all. - It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime. - Excelsior Springs: Balls may not be thrown within the city limits. - Helena: No item may be thrown across a street. - Helena: A woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing. - Salisbury: Pop bottles are not to be thrown on the ground. - Whitehall: It is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels. -<>- ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >Nursing Home Wedding A rabbi was called to a Miami Beach Nursing Home to perform a wedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?" The old man replied, "I guess." "Is she a good Jewish woman?" "I don't know for sure," the old man answered. "Does she have lots of money?" asked the rabbi. "I doubt it." "Then why are you marrying her?" the rabbi asked. "She can drive at night," the old man said -<>- A man went to his lawyer and stated, "I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it." The lawyer said, "No problem, leave it all to me." The man looked somewhat upset as he said, "Well, I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I'd like to leave a little to my children, too!" -<>- ///"\ |6 6| \ - / .@@@. __) (__ @6 6@/ \./ \ @ = @ : : : \ _) (_'| : |) ) /' \./ '\ : |_/ / /\ _ /\ \=o==|) \ \ ) (/ /%|%%' '7/ \7%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | | %%|%% |_.._| /_|_\ pjb My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked. Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!" They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of it that Dad confessed. His question had actually been directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor. -<>- A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he's had enough. The bartender said, "I've got to ask you - what's with the pocket business?" The man replied, "I have my lawyer's picture in there. When he starts to look honest, I've had enough." -<>- Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life? Her: Awww... Yes!!! Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me -<>- Boy: The principal is so dumb! Girl: Do you know who I am? Boy: No... Girl: I am the principal's daughter! Boy: Do you know who I am? Girl: No... Boy: Good! *Walks away* -<>- Broken mirror //-----------\\ // | | | \\ // \__ / \ / | \\ || \| | / __|| || \ | |_/ || ||\ __ | |/ __ || || \__/ \| |_/ \_|| || _ ___| / \_ || ||_/ \__/ |/_ \_/|| || o \ _|| ||\ / | \___/ || || \___/ | \ /|| || | / \_ )-<_|| || / / \ / || \\ / | _>< // //\\ | / \ //\\ || \\-----------// || || || /||\ /||\ /____\ /____\ unknown Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck! Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, you'll get 7 years bad luck! Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing) ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Kodak Moments! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kmoments.html Monkey Shines!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monkeyshines.html Amazing Bonsai Forests!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bonsai.html Living Tree Church!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treechurch.html Amazing Football Facts!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/footballfacts.html Cat Spot Tips- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catspots.html Lambeau Field Tribute!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/footballvet.html Inspiring Seniors!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/inspiringseniors.html Rich VS Poor!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/richvspoor.html Naval Fleet Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/navalart.html Whale Rescue 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html Kilroy Was Here!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kilroywashere.html Beautiful Starfish!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/starfish.html Extreme Noodling!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/noodling.html Humorous Signs 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns2.html The REAL Popeye!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/realpopeye.html Over The Limit 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/overthelimit2.html MacGyver - How To Do It 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver3.html -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend Melody :) games.sallini.com: RoofDrop http://sallini.com/games/thegames/challenge/roofdrop/index.html "The Walking (And Talking) Dead" — A Bad Lip Reading https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jR4lLJu_-wE --- ...LOL! Thanks Melody! Amish Chicken and Rice | Amish 365: Amish Recipes – http://www.amish365.com/5-amish-rice-recipes/ Tried and Tested Favorite Recipes http://www.nancyskitchen.com/2017recipes/JanRecipe/Jan28.htm Worlds bravest duck plays with Sumatran tiger for fun! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SpwpsMh3mo --- ...Yummy! And a Fun to watch one! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) My heart leapt into my throat when I saw this video. Watch as two planes come way too close for comfort at the Barcelona Airport. Luckily, one of the pilots reacted quickly to avoid a catastrophic collision. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=PNtzgJYYky4 The Navy's Blue Angels in St. Louis, Missouri blows away shoppers at the local mall. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xpQgDuyaAHw A mother giraffe successfully protects her calf from an entire pride of lions at the Maasai Mara Nature Reserve in Kenya. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=BYB-I4sHops --- ...Amazing ones to watch! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Engineers have begun trying to find a way to brew beer on the moon. Which means we'll soon have astronauts calling into Mission Control saying, 'Houston, we have a drinking problem.'" -Conan O'Brien "According to a new report, 67 percent of millennials use Netflix, which must really tick off whoever owns the account they're using." -Seth Meyers "Wildlife officials in India are now putting wild monkeys on birth control to help curb the recent population spike. This is good for wildlife, and even better for female monkeys who want to focus on their careers." -Jimmy Fallon A man and his 75-year-old mom survived being lifted out of their home during a tornado by sitting together in a bathtub. The man said the tornado didn't traumatize him but being in a bathtub with his mother did." -Conan O'Brien "I've been trying to say 'I love you' more often, starting this morning. I said it to my family before I left the house. And then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the barista complained that one of the customers was making her uncomfortable." -Stephen Colbert "According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking. Because if there's one thing women love, it's a man who can lie." -Seth Meyers "Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year- olds in the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day. The parents claim they give the kids coffee only when they need it, like when the kid wakes up with a hangover." -Jimmy Kimmel Russian billionaire reportedly paid over $4 million to have Mariah Carey and Sir Elton John perform at his teenage granddaughter's wedding. Said his teenage granddaughter, 'Who are these people?'" -Seth Meyers "Apple has changed back their design of the peach emoji to look more like a butt after people were upset the new design no longer looked like a butt. So you see, people - sometimes democracy DOES work!" -Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $26 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all web site list readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe **********************************************************************