Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers ... :) Shangy!
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================
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
_..---.._
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*~* We NEED MORE 2009 CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
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If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2009
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================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
>Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press!
This one comes from a forward from our friend Jo Ann.
I was so amazed by this one, that I had to go and look
it up because it was so unusual. I cannot imagine the
planning and forethought that must go into this one!
Check it out here:
__\\O<
K
__\\O-
K
__\\O< __\\O<
K __\\O- K
K _\\O<
__\\O- K
:::::::K:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||JML
Japan's Crop Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cropart.html
---
...Awesome one! Thanks Jo Ann!
-<>-
This next one is from our friend Richard. Not really a
new one, but it kind of is! When I was moving my old
'on-line house' to the new 'on-line dot com' location
this page got lost in the shuffle and I just now realized
it wasn't with the rest of the pages. I fixed it up and now
it is available again to view...
`/\
____/ /
_ / ___ \
\\_!_________(_/_/ \ \
<#|=====|______ / /__/
/ C|=====|---' \__/
/ |-|-|~
/ /---'
/ /
|_____| jiri
Friendly Fire
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendly.html
---
...Thanks Richard! This still gives me a smile!
-<>-
>Reader Comments:
Carol Writes:
I am neither Christian nor republican,
but I do enjoy this site......:-))
---
...Now isn't she sweet? Thanks Carol :)
All this, because of this...
Tired of the spending? Join a TeaParty!
http://www.teapartyday.com/
=========================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
,___ The Man On The Ladies Tee
|| 1 `'--.
||__..--'`
|| It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course
|| and I was beginning my pre-shot routine on #1,
|| visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice
|| came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.
||
__||_\\ \\\/// "Would the gentleman on
.'` || `"""----.....___---'` `- the Ladies tee back up to
.-||-. () the Men's tee please!!"
`""""`
__ _.-----.._ I was still deep in my
'jgs--' `\\\-----/// \\\ routine, seemingly
impervious to the
interruption. Again the announcement - "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S
tee kindly back up to the men's tee."
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window
directly at the person with the mike and shouted back, "Would the
person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second
shot?"
==================================================================
+------------------ A BIZARRE CORNERING ------------------+
I am not going to make fun of chihuahuas anymore. Well, at
least not as much as I used to. I just read a story about
a California woman who said a mountain lion that wandered
onto her property was cornered by a gang of unlikely
guardians, her trio of toy chihuahuas.
Ana Lee Spray, 23, said she was awakened Saturday morning
by the sound of her three chihuahuas barking at the top of
their tiny lungs at the opening of her garage.
Spray said she looked out her daughter's window to investi-
gate the ruckus and was shocked to see her gang of 3-pound
dogs had cornered an angry-looking cougar in the garage.
The homeowner said the chihuahuas' barking kept the animal,
which appeared to be foaming at the mouth, at bay for 45
minutes until Riverside County Sheriff's deputies arrived.
"When they saw the dogs they said 'These little things?'
When they saw the mountain lion their jaws dropped," Spray
said. "They radioed, 'This is a full-size mountain lion and
it is not happy to see us.'"
Spray said the cougar made a run for it after officers from
the Department of Fish and Game shot it with tranquilizers
and she did not see the eventual capture.
-<>-
+----------------- Bizarre Royal Figures -----------------+
George III of Great Britain and Ireland was being driven
through Windsor Great Park when he ordered his carriage
driver to stop. The King got out, walked over to an oak
tree, shook hands with one of its branches and talked to
it for several minutes. He thought he was talking to the
King of Prussia.
Princess Alexandra of Bavaria was convinced that as a child
she had swallowed a full-size grand piano. Nothing could
ever shake her from this belief.
Ludwig II of Bavaria was Alexandra's nephew. His reign was
notable for his decision to reverse night and day. He had
a moon painted on his bedroom ceiling and embarked on epic
mountain journeys in the dead of night in a golden sleigh,
accompanied by coachmen who were forced to dress in the
style of Louis XIV.
Catherine the Great of Russia, discovering that she had
dandruff, imprisoned her hairdresser in an iron cage for
three years to stop the news spreading. Enchanted by a
primrose in the royal garden, she posted a sentry to guard
the plant day and night.
Queen Juana of Spain worshipped her husband Philip, who
died in 1506, so much that she refused to allow him to be
buried and had his coffin accompany her wherever she
traveled.
Henry Christophe, King of Northern Haiti, ordered his
guards to prove their loyalty to him by marching over a
200ft-high cliff. Those who obeyed plunged to their deaths;
those who refused were tortured and executed. Christophe
eventually ended up shooting himself.
============================================================
>-->THE RABBIT, THE FOX AND THE WOLF: A FABLE
.".
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One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy
the weather. The day was so nice that the rabbit became careless, so
a fox sneaked up to her and caught her.
"I am going to eat you for lunch!", said the fox.
"Wait!", replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."
"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"
"Well, I am just finishing my Ph.D. thesis."
"Hah, that's a stupid excuse. What is the title of your thesis
anyway?"
"I am writing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and
Wolves.'"
"Are you crazy? I should eat you right now! Everybody knows that a
fox will always win over a rabbit."
"Not really, not according to my reserch. If you like, you can come
to my hole and read it for yourself. If you are not convinced, you
can go ahead and have me for lunch."
"You are really crazy!" But since the fox was curious and nothing to
lose, it went with the rabbit into its hole. The fox never came back
out.
A few days later, the rabbit was again taking a break from writing
and sure enough, a wolf came out of the bushes and was ready to eat
her.
"Wait!", yelled the rabbit,"you cannot eat me right now."
"And why might that be, you fuzzy appetizer?"
"I am almost finished writing my Ph.D. thesis on 'The Superiority of
Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves."
The wolf laughed so hard that it almost lost its hold on the rabbit.
"Maybe I shouldn't eat you, you really are sick in the head, you
might have something contagious," the wolf opined.
"Come read for yourself, you can eat me after that if you disagree
with my conclusions." So the wolf went to the rabbit's hole and never
came out.
The rabbit finished her thesis and was out celebrating in the lettuce
fields. Another rabbit came by and asked, "What's up? You seem to be
very happy."
"Yup, I just finished my dissertation."
"Congratulations! What is it about?"
"It is titled 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves"
"Are you sure? That doesn't sound right."
"Oh yes, you should come over and read it for yourself."
So they went together to the rabbit's hole. As they went in, the
friend saw a typical graduate student abode, albeit a rather messy
one after writing a thesis. The computer with the controversial
dissertation was in one corner, on the right there was a pile of fox
bones, on the left was a pile of wolf bones, and in the middle was a
large, lip-licking lion.
The moral of the story:
The title of your dissertation doesn't matter. All that matters is
who your thesis advisor is.
==================================================================
>-->From Our Friend John-Paul :)
_n_________________
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| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | `---------' | |
| `---------------' |
| _ GAME BOY |
| _| |_ ,-. |
||_ O _| ,-. "._,"|
| |_| "._," A | hjw
| _ _ B | `97
| // // |
| // // \\\\\\ |
| ` ` \\\\\\ ,
|________...______,"
~A Dad And His Son~
What shall I give my Young Son?
What shall I give to one so small boy?
A glamorous game, a tinseled toy?
A barlow knife, a puzzle pack,
A train that runs on curving track?
A picture book, a Real Live Pet--
No, there`s plenty of time
for such things like that.
I Know! I`ll give him a
Day for his very own--
Just one small Boy and his Dad alone.
A walk in the woods,
A romp in the park,
A fishing trip from dawn till dark.
AH, tis' true, I`ll give the gift that,
in His heart shall live.
A Dad`s companionship,
That no one else can give.
For games are out grown,
And toys decay,
But He`ll never forget--
"If I Give Him A Day"!
~John-Paul~
~You know--- It is so Precious to give our time~
---
...A Sweet one! Thank You John-Paul!
-<>-
_ _.--.____.--._
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hh+geni+vk :)
>~ The Valiant ~
I watched the flag Pass by one day,
It fluttered in the breeze.
A young Marine Saluted it,
And then he stood at ease..
I looked at him in uniform,
Young, tall, so proud,
With hair cut square, eyes alert,
He'd stand out in any crowd.
I thought how many men like him,
Had fallen through the years.
How many died on foreign soil,
How many mothers' tears?
How many pilots' planes shot down?
How many lost at sea?
How many foxholes became soldiers' graves?
What Cost!
No, -- `Freedom isn't Free`.
I heard the sound of Taps one night,
When everything was still,
I listened to the bugler Play,
And felt a sudden chill.
I wondered just how many times,
That Taps had meant 'Amen,'
A flag had draped a Coffin.
Of a fallen brother, or a friend.
My thought of all the Children,
Mothers, Wives, Fathers, Daughters and Sons,
So many lives forever interrupted.
Is there an Ending?
Or has it just `Begun`?
No,--- Freedom isn't `Free`,
For the valiant paid the price for All ,
Yes, even for -- You and Me.
Then let us ask God to Bless those who now Give,
To make possible our Freedom today
Keep them safe,
Bring them Home,
Home, this time, we pray to Stay.
( Yes, May God Bless Our Troops, and send them home
soon, And God Bless America).
~~~~~~~~~~~~John-Paul
---
...Amen! Thank You John- Paul!
==================================================
>-->From Our Friend Sandi :)
I uploaded this funny to our files in our group.
Check it out here:
.---.
(_---_)
(_/6 6\_)
( v )
`\ /'
.-'': ;``-.
/ \,Y./ \
/ (:)___ \
: .-'XXX`-.`\_;
`.__.-XXX-.__.'\_
/ / XXX \ \ `\_
/ XXX \ `\
/ XXX \ _`\___
jgs / \ (`--"""-')
/ \ (=-=-=-=-)
`--...___ ___...--' (________)
GrannyAirBag.wmv - Don't Honk At Old People!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/files/
---
...LOL - I had to watch that a couple times! Thanks Sandi!
-<>-
>[Politics] A Real Look
_ .--.
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/_| _| _| _( (_, .-'
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jgs`-.__.\ _,--'\|__|__/
;____;
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||
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'=='
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her
altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an
hour
ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air
balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet
above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude
and 100 degrees, 49..09 minutes west longitude.
"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm
still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are
going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot
air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect
me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you
were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
---
...Teehee! Thanks Sandi!
===============================================================
>-->From TheJokester: Father's Day...
>Life
A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.
It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls,
career, and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved clear
across the country in pursuit of his dreams. There, in the rush of his
busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no
time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and
nothing could stop him.
Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The
funeral is Wednesday."
Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly
remembering his childhood days.
"Jack, did you hear me?"
"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought
of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack
said.
"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were
doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of
the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.
"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.
"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make
sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said.
"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this
business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me
things he thought were important -- Mom, I'll be there for the funeral,"
Jack said.
As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his
hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no
children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.
The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to
see the old house next door one more time. Standing in the doorway,
Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another
dimension, a leap through space and time. The house was exactly as he
remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of
furniture ... Jack stopped suddenly.
"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.
"The box is gone," he said.
"What box?" Mom asked.
"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I
must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever
tell me was, 'the thing I value most'," Jack said.
It was gone.
Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except
for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.
"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better
get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."
It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from
work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required
on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office
within the next three days," the note read.
Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old
and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting
was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention.
"Mr. Harold Belser," it read. Jack took the box out to his car and
ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope.
Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.
"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack
Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life."
A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling
his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a
beautiful gold pocket watch. Running his fingers slowly over the finely
etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words
engraved:
"Jack, Thanks for your time! - Harold Belser."
"The thing he valued most was...my time!"
Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and
cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his
assistant asked.
"I need some time to spend with my son," he said. "Oh, by the way,
Janet, thanks for your time!"
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the
moments that take our breath away,"
-<>-
>The Talking Newborn
A baby was born who was so advanced, he could talk. He looked around the
delivery room and saw the doctor.
"Are you my doctor?" he asked.
"Yes, I am," said the doctor.
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the
birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes, I am," said the mother.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father answered.
The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead
with his index finger. "Hurts doesn't it!?!"
=============================================================
>-->From Our Friend NW :)
[Politics]
An Israeli doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we
can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him
looking for work in six weeks.'
A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one
person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
A Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we
can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have
them both looking for work in two weeks.
_ _.-'`-._ _
;.'________'.;
_________n.[____________].n_________
|""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""]
|"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""|
|LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI|
|.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..|
|LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI|
,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,,
;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
'The American doctor says 'You guys are way behind! We recently took a
man with no brains out of Illinois; put him in the White House for a few
months, and now half the world is looking for work.'
---
...TeeHee! A Good One! Thanks NW!
===================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :)
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I Added this one to our group. Go to the last photo here
Jesus Loves you
http://tinyurl.com/mj3wa4
---
...Aww, so sweet! Thank You Jo Ann!
===================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Viv :)
I added an image from her to our group home page here:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/
-<>-
[Politics]
\\ /////
| |
(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
Mike Hertz
>David Jr. Meets His Commander In Chief
Neither Snopes or Truth or Fiction make any mention of this story - is
it any wonder?
For those who do not know Dave Borden, he is a former Black & Decker
employee who lives in Hanover. His son Dave Jr was serving in Iraq and
was badly injured from a bomb explosion. Dave Jr has had over 38
surgeries to date. The email below is from a recent visit from President
Obama, the email speaks for its self.
Since Dave Jr. has been injured he has met and been overwhelmed by many,
many political and military "celebs". The list includes Bob Gates,
Sec.of Defense, who came into his room and told him 3 or 4 times that if
Dave Jr. had any issues to call his cell phone number. It includes
Gen.Petereus who sat and talked with Dave Jr. for almost 45 minutes.
The General recalled vividly all of the circumstances around the events
that led to fighting that Dave was involved in. It includes Sen. McCain
who arrived late on a Saturday afternoon during a thunder storm,
unannounced, and talked to Dave Jr. about how similar their experiences
with fate. It includes George Bush when Dave Jr. was invited to attend
the very last Christmas party at the White House for the White House
Staff. President Bush and his wife entered the ballroom and immediately
went to Dave Jr... President Bush knew Dave Jr.'s name as well as when
and how he was injured. Dave Jr. had a picture taken with Laura and the
President that he has framed and will cherish forever. The list goes on
and on of people coming in to meet Dave Jr. and the other wounded
warriors at Walter Reed and Bethesda.
Yesterday. Dave Jr. was ordered to be at the National Naval Hospital
with another 12 soldiers and Marines to meet with Obama. Obama was
supposed to arrive at 11:30 AM. He finally got there at 3:00 PM. He
entered the room with the wounded warriors and quickly shook each of
their hands. He never asked their names, where they were from, or how
they were injured. Then he left.
Dave Jr. has met the people who really care about the military. All he
remembers from Obama is a weak handshake. The others in the room,
younger and less exposed to the people that Dave Jr. has met, were so
disappointed. Word about Obama's "insensitive" visit has spread to the
MATC ( the rehab facility) at Walter Reed and throughout Bethesda. The
military sees through his phoniness.
All I can say is that it is such a disappointment that this man is
Commander-In-Chief of our Armed Forces. He is an embarrassment to our
Nation.
Regards,
Dave
---
...This one is all over the blogs - Thanks Viv!
Speaking of insensitive, Please EVERYONE Pray for the young
demonstrators in Iran. It is a sad state of affairs. They are
literally giving their life for Freedom and Obama has shown very
little support for their plight. God Bless Them as they stand
up for and fight for their basic human rights in the Name Of
Jesus Christ!
==============================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>[Politics]From CCA:
Democrat leaders' disrespect for U.S. military
Just what is it in the DNA of many of the leaders of the
Democrat Party which cause them to have such a distain for
the United States military and for us combat war veterans?
The most recent example of this was yesterday during a
hearing being conducted by the Chairman of the Senate
Committee on Environment and Public Works, left-wing
Senator Barbara Boxer, Democrat from California. She
had testifying before her committee, Brigadier General
Michael Walsh, from the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.
General Walsh began his answer to one of Barbara Boxer's
questions by saying: "Ma'am."
She immediately cut him off saying: "You know, do me a favor.
Could you say 'senator' instead of 'ma'am?' It's just a
thing, I worked so hard to get that title, so I'd appreciate
t, yes, thank you."... (Read More)
http://cc.org/blog/democrat_leaders039_disrespect_us_military
-<>-
>[Politics] From Conservative Outpost:
It's time to stand up and say "NO" to Socialized Medicine
Obama and liberals in Congress are moving quickly to pass health care
"reform" that opens the door for a national, government run health care
system.
And Americans must speak out now and tell Congress "NO!" as loudly as
possible.
It's all about control.
Control over one-seventh of the entire US economy. Control over how we
live our lives. Every behavior we engage in would be subject to
regulation because of the cost of health care to the new government run
(taxpayer funded) program.
Democrats are working to try and get a bill passed as quickly as
possible - with as little debate as possible, and by letting as few
details of the plan become public as possible before it becomes law.
JUST SAY NO!
http://www.conservativeoutpost.com/campaign/say_no_socialized_medicine
-<>-
>[Politics]From John Ziegler:
All of my radio shows on KGIL in Los Angeles are archived here (and now
available via itunes as well).
http://johnziegler.sitenewsonline.com/inc/rdr.asp?18259___09621222723___http://1260.am/programming/hosts/bios/?host=26
With the situation as it is in Iran you will hear a lot about an amazing
new film opening this weekend called "The Stoning of Soyraya M" which is
produced by a good friend of mine about whom I did my first film
"Blocking the Path to 9/11".
http://johnziegler.sitenewsonline.com/inc/rdr.asp?18259___09621222723___http://www.blockingthepath.com
I urge you to check the film at www.thestoning.com
Thanks so much for your continued support,
John Ziegler
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- Mexican navy finds coke in frozen sharks ---------
PROGRESO, Mexico - The Mexican navy said it has seized
1,967 pounds of cocaine that was being smuggled inside
of frozen sharks. Navy inspectors in the port town of
Progreso on the southeastern shore of Mexico said they
slit open one of the frozen sharks after detecting an
anomaly on an X-ray and black bags filled with rectangular
cocaine packets spilled out, CNN reported Friday. The navy
said a total 870 packets of cocaine, about 1,967 pounds,
were seized from the shark shipment. Officials said the
freight ship carrying the sharks, the Dover Strait, had
been loaded in Costa Rica.
( )___( )
/__oo \
( \/ )
| `=/ |
/ \
/ / \ \
/ ( \ \
( ,_/_ \ \
\_ '= \ )
""' / /
; / /'?
: (((( /
ctr `._ \ _ (
__| | /_
("__,.."'_._.)
-- Bear drops by for dog food snack -------------
GRANBY, Colo. - A Colorado couple said a bear entered their
house through a dog door, ignored their barking pooch and
ate all of his dog food before leaving. Brenda Freeman said
she and her husband heard their dog make a strange noise at
about 10:30 p.m. Sunday at their Granby-area home and they
opened the door to their mudroom to find a bear standing
"two feet away" from Freeman's husband, the Sky-Hi Daily
News of Granby reported Thursday. Freeman said she and her
husband quickly locked the bear alone in the mud room and
watched its movements as it explored the room and ignored
the barking of their 2-year-old dog, Aniden. They said the
bear did not cause much damage to the room, but it left
paw prints on windows, de-potted a few plants and ate all
of Aniden's food before exiting through the dog door. The
couple said the bear was in their home for about 10 minutes.
"He was very graceful, very calm," she said. "The bear
didn't seem to care about the dog barking."
-- Bar: Free drinks for hilarious insults -----------
CULLERA, Spain - Patrons of a Spanish bar are praising a
promotion that offers free drinks to customers who verbally
abuse employees in funny or original ways. The Casa Pocho
bar, located in the southern town of Cullera, lets
customers vent their frustrations in the process of trying
to earn a free drink, Metro.co.uk reported Friday. "When
you come in after work, you can say swear at them and call
them bastard or imbecile," enthusiastic patron Antonio
Ossa said of the bar workers.
====================================================================
>-->From Laugh&Lift:
>The Three Little Pigs Eat Dinner
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.
The waiter comes and takes their drink order. "I would like a Sprite,"
said the first little piggy. "I would like a Coke," said the second
little piggy. "I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third
little piggy.
The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy. "I would like the salad
plate," said the second piggy. "I want water, lots and lots of water,"
said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the
table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy. "I want a root beer
float," said the second piggy. "I want water, lots and lots of water,"
exclaimed the third little piggy.
"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter! to the third little piggy, "but
why have you only ordered water all evening?"
You're gonna LOVE me for this.... Hold on to your seat.
At the risk of never receiving e-mail ever again........
,.
(_|,.
,' /, )_______ _
__j o``-' `.'-)'
(") \'
`-j |
`-._( /
hjw |_\ |--^. /
/_]'|_| /_)_/
/_]' /_]'
The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the
way home!"
SUBSCRIBE INFO
Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in
an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about
Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com
==================================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
>What do the following mean?...
1) O_er_t_o_
2) minI'LL BE THEREute
3) ATfrankfrankRA
4) OdOoOmO
The answers are in the "Roll Your Eyes" section. Don't com-
plain to me if you waste more than five minutes.
-<>-
>Mixed Metaphors
English professors love to catch the errors students make in
their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch
mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College
English department collected this list of mixed metaphors and
posted them on their web site:
"He swept the rug under the carpet."
"She's burning the midnight oil at both ends."
"It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on
the fire."
"It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard."
"She's robbing Peter to pay the piper."
"He's up a tree without a paddle."
"Beware my friend...you are skating on hot water."
"Keep your ear to the grindstone."
"Sometimes you've gotta stick your neck out on a limb."
"Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife
slicing through butter."
-<>-
A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location.
"It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was
told.
"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.
The reply came back: "It's the one with all the broken
windows."
-<>-
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their con-
versation was constantly interrupted by people describing
their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical
advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked
the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you
for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send
them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The
next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared
the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill
from the lawyer.
-<>-
Joe, I saw this today in the Charleston (SC) City Paper's
Blotter.
"Last Wednesday night police stopped a young man who had
fled on foot from a late-model red Camaro parked running
in the middle of the intersection of Fishburne and Hagood
streets. When police took him to retrieve the car, the
young man said the car belonged to his uncle. When asked
for his uncle's name, he replied, 'I don't know, whatever
name he gave you.'"
--Wanda Meador
-<>-
A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed, "This
is Mr. Magillicutty. I need you to bury my wife."
"Mr. Magillicutty? Sidney Magillicutty?"
"Yes, that's right."
"Didn't I bury your wife 10 years ago?" the undertaker asked.
"I got married again," the man sobbed.
"Oh," replied the undertaker. "Congratulations."
-<>-
One day a gentleman walked into one of Ben Franklin's book
stores. As one of the clerks went to assist him, the gentleman
asked the clerk the price of the book he wished to purchase.
The young clerk looked at the price posted on the book and
said, "That book is one dollar, sir."
The gentleman began to haggle with the clerk over the price.
The clerk assured him that the correct price for the book was
one dollar and no lower. As the man realized that his efforts
to haggle with the clerk were going nowhere, he insisted on
speaking with Ben Franklin directly.
Franklin stopped his work, walked out to the storefront and
the gentleman asked, "What is the price of this book?"
Franklin answered, "One dollar and a quarter."
The gentleman was confused and replied, "Your clerk just said
it was a dollar."
Franklin looked at the book again and answered, "Yes, it was
a dollar. But now you're wasting my time."
For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of
Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web
or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom
to a co-worker.
"I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers
have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend
you're doing."
-<>-
*------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
Answers:
1) Painless operation
2) I'll be there in a minute
3) Frank Sinatra
4) Dominoes
==========================================================
>-->From Alpha:
________
_jgN########Ngg_
_N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_
d###P N####p
"^^" T####
d###P
_g###@F
_gN##@P
gN###F"
d###F
0###F
0###F
0###F
"NN@'
___
q###r
""
>What is it?
Schwartzenegger has a big one
Michael J. Fox has a small one
Madonna doesn't have one
The Pope has one but doesn't use his
Clinton uses his all the time
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one
George Burns' was hot
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
What is it?
________
_jgN########Ngg_
_N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_
d###P N####p
"^^" T####
d###P
_g###@F
_gN##@P
gN###F"
d###F
0###F
0###F
0###F
"NN@'
___
q###r
""
"A Last Name."
-<>-
A passenger in a taxi wanted to ask the driver something and tapped
him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly
hit a bus, went onto the sidewalk and stopped centimeters from a shop.
For a second everything was quiet in the car then the driver said:
"Mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out
of me."
The passenger apologized and said he didn't know that a little tap would
scare him so.
The driver replied: "Sorry sir, it's really not your fault. Today is my
first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25
years!"
-<>-
The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited.
He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records,
then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.
Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been
a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."
"Why would you say that?" wondered the broker.
"Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three
returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career."
-<>-
>For your information...
_------_
-~ ~-
- _ -
- |> -
- |< -
- |> -
- || -
- || -
-__||__-
|______|
<______>
<______>
\/
An average person puts out about 100 watts of energy.
Here's the math:
2000 kilocalories/day in food (approximate)
4.16 kilojoules/kilocalorie
60 seconds/minute
60 minutes/hour
24 hours/day
((4160 x 2000) / (24 * 60 * 60)) ==> 96 joules/second
This is a useful rule of thumb:
When you host a group of twenty people, you should expect your room
to warm up as if it contained two one-kilowatt electric heaters,
and plan to cool the room appropriately.
Energy throughput is the bread and butter of engineering and
technology. I cannot imagine how anyone at MIT can avoid
viewing other people as 100 watt light bulbs.
-- Source unknown
=================================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
>The Perfect Man
The finalist has been named in the worldwide search for the
perfect man.
After careful consideration and endless debate, The Perfect
Man has been named....MR. POTATO HEAD.
He's tan. He's cute. He knows the importance of accessorizing.
And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face.
-<>-
|/|
| |
|/|
| |
|/|
| |
|/|
(___)
(___)
(___)
(___)
(___)
// \\
// \\
|| ||
|| ||
|| || Evan M Corcoran (?)
\\___//
---
Was It Worth It?
While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young
woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes followed
her.
Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked,
"Was it worth the trouble you're in?"
-<>-
>Who Gets The Toy???
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his
kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to
mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."
-<>-
>Strange Basketball Losses
Hanging in the hallway at the High School are the basketball
team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center
of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying
the year -- "62-63," "63-64," "64-65," etc.
One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos.
Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always
lost by one point?"
-<>-
>Keeping Your Wedding Vows
Todd and Jill had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and
were having their first fight, and it was a big one. No matter
what Todd tried to say or do, Jill refused to compromise, or
even listen. He started growing exasperated.
After a while, Todd said "When we got married, you promised
to love, honor and obey."
Jill replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in
front of all those people at the wedding."
-<>-
I wear my wife's eyeglasses because she wants
me to see things her way.
-<>-
>More About The Bride
Ani, the new bride, went crying to her mother. "Momma, I can't get
Neil to do anything. I want him to fix up the house, and he keeps
putting it off."
"Honey," her mother replied, "after being married to your father for
twenty-six years, I've found the only way to get him to do anything
is to tell him he's too old."
-<>-
>Mrs. Bride, Changes Can Be Dangerous To Your Marriage!
(Just a Joke and Not To Be Taken Seriously!)
The other day at work I ran into Bob. We chatted over lunch and he
dropped a bombshell on me. "Rodney" he said, "Becky and I are
going to get a divorce".
I was stunned. "Why? What happened, you two seem so happy
together"
"Well" he said, "ever since we got married, my wife has tried to
change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at
all hours of the night and more. She taught me how to dress well,
enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to
invest in the stock market."
"Are you a little bitter because she spent so much time trying to
change you?" I probed.
"Nah, I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't
good enough for me."
-<>-
.-------------. . . * *
/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/ \ * . ) .
//_/_/_/_/_/_// _ \ __ . .
/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/|/ \.' .`-o
| ||-'(/ ,--'
| || _ |
| ||'' ||
|_____________|| |_|L hjm
>REASONS DOGS DON'T USE COMPUTERS
**Can't stick their heads out of Windows(R).
**Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
**Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
**Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
**Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
**Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
**Not at all fooled by Chuck wagon Screen Saver.
**Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
**'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
**Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
**Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
**TrO{gO HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,.
( Too Hard To Type With Paws. )
===============================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Miniture Wonderland
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/panda.html
Earth In Perspective
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses2.html
Love Thoughts
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/love.html
Small Thoughts
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smallthoughts.html
Worms
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worms.html
YouTube Bible Teachings
http://tinyurl.com/dgefoh
Clean Inside of your screen FREE
http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf
Are You Going To Finish Strong?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/files/
View this at our group photos - last picture here:
http://tinyurl.com/qy8pjy
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
Adjustable Eyeglasses - Very Cool !
http://tinyurl.com/96buv9
Create & Add Audio Greetings to your Webpages
http://www.profilegreeting.com/
Movie Related Site For Film Buffs
http://www.filmsite.org/
Read Scratched CDs Or DVDs In Windows !
http://tinyurl.com/lkz82l
Woot: One Deal a Day
http://www.woot.com/
eBooks for Your iPhone !
http://www.textonphone.com/
---
...Great links! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From Linkexchange:
Puzzle Park
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40013&s=n
Age of War
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=39666&s=n
20 Foot Backflip
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40103&s=n
Quick Draw
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=39991&s=n
Are You on TV?
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=39811&s=n
-<>-
>From Lynn Lynn's Links:
"++ DOWN UNDER ++"-
http://buffaloschips.com/downunder
A new Jigsaw Puzzle for you
http://carolynsplace.com/puzzles/Peacock.html
Tail Of Two Brains
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hdsjsdhj.htm
Taxi Please
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjjh.htm
Woman Filling Gas
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hjhjh.htm
Terrific Illusion
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkjk.htm
Thank You Troops Edited
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hsjjs.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished
by being governed by those who are dumber."
--Plato (427-347 B.C.)
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we
should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend
wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.
There should be severance pay, and before they leave you,
they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger
"The difference between involvement and commitment is like a
ham and egg breakfast. The chicken was involved, but the pig
was committed!"
"If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would
have something to do with a shortage of flowers."
--Doug Larson
"GM just announced that they will stop manufacturing the
Pontiac Vibe in August. The reason? Bad Vibes." -Jimmy Fallon
"Scientists say they've found a new link between depression
and obesity. Not surprisingly it's a sausage link."
-Conan O'Brien
"I think vests are all about protection. The life vest pro-
tects you from drowning, and the bullet-proof vest protects
you from getting shot and the sweater vest protects you
from pretty girls." -Demetri Martin
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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Visit Here
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