Redneck 911, Idiots And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Playing catchup, I was able to get three new pages done over the weekend. I highly recommend that you visit each one. They are all most interesting and sure to delight. This first super hottie is from our friends Victor and Fran. Well, Blow me down! It is so amazing, you will think the photos are doctored, but they are not. I was torn between two sound tracks for this one because of the limits of those with an iphone. So I decided to have both. The shorter one for the load in page and the full one down the page. Be sure to click on the music bar on the second one to hear it. Needless to say, give this one plenty of time to load and turn on your sound. ____ .---. `\ /o o \ | .-'-. | .' /_ /` |__ c ( / _= / __/ | | '._ _.-"-.= /`"-...-"` | | `;"""` __/ | | /```````` | | | | , \ | | \ \ \ | | \ \ \ |__________| jgs | \ \ | || | / | | | || | / / | | || | / /` /` _|_||_|_ .' | | \ |\ / ( /--.___.' .----' / \ `--...__.' / \__ ( | | / \__ | `) `'----'--| | | `)---'----` \ / '----'----` '--' The REAL Popeye http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/realpopeye.html --- ...Wow! This one blew me away! I love it! Thanks Victor and Fran! This next one is from our friends LouiseA and Karen. It details the extremes of our beaches today - especially one in France. It will tickle your funny bone. Be sure to give it time to load and turn up the sound. %%%% %%%%-( _%%%%%_/ \ ' / _%%%%%%%% - (_) - _%%%%%%%/ \% / , \ %%%%%%%%%\\ \_ %%%%%% \ \\ ) /\_/ /(___. \ '----' ( / ) ---....____/ (_____ __ _ ___ ___ __ _ _ _____ _ _ ___ / )---...___ =-= = -_= -=_= _-=_-_ -=- =-_ ,' ( ```--.._= -_= -_= _-=- -_= _=- ,-' ) ``--._=-_ =-=_-= _-= _ '-._ '-..___( ``-._=_-=_- =_-= ``---....__) `-._-=_-_=- )|)| `-._=-_ gnv '-'-.\_ `-. Beaches In France http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beaches3.html --- ...LOL! This one has me still smiling! Thanks Ladies! Our last sizzling new page is from our friend LouiseA. A wonderful inspirational story with lovely bird photos to enhance your read. Again, turn up the sound and enjoy... m " m" " m m " m " "m " " "m m m " m " " " "m" " " "m m m m m " " " " " "m"m"m"m"m"m " m " " "m"m" "m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m "m"m m"m" "m m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m$"m $ " "m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m$" $m " "m"m"m"m"m"m$" m"m"m $ $"m"m"m"m$" m"m" "m m"m m "m"m$" m"m" "m $ $ $ $" m"m" "m " m "$m"m" m"m m"m $" m" $ $ $ $ m" m" "m" $ m" m$$ $ m" m$" $ $" m""$ $ """ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ unknown The Black Dot http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blackdot.html --- ...aww, this was so sweet! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Redneck 911 Emergency ___ /.-.\ || || Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. \'-'/ || || The 911 operator told Bubba that she would `// || || send someone out right away. // || || "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?" _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) IDIOTS IDIOTS IN THE STORE: I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So, I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there. IDIOTS & COMPUTERS: My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question, "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE: I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed. IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. AN IDIOT'S IDIOT: Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message, "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ August 17 is National Thriftshop Day August 18 is Bad Poetry Day August 19 is Aviation Day August 20 is National Radio Day August 21 is Senior Citizen's Day August 22 is Be an Angel Day and National Tooth Fairy Day August 23 is Ride the Wind Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .-""""-. |== ==|-. |~~ ~~~|`\\ |LILILI| || | |// | |/ | | jgs __|______|__ [____________] >Absent-Minded I did the most incredibly absent-minded thing this afternoon. While I was coming back to the office from lunch I decided to stop at the gas station and top off my tank. I went in, asked the clerk to put ten dollars on pump number 12 and bought an instant lottery ticket and a pack of gum. Then I went back to my truck, tucked the gum in the little bag containing the sandwich I bought earlier, scratched my ticket (nothing) and drove back to work. I think you can see the step I missed. I had driven almost back to the office by the time I realized what I had done. So I drove back to the gas station where, surprisingly, no one had used the pump where my ten bucks still waited to be used. I put in the gas and drove back to the office again. When all was said and done I probably ended up with the same amount of gas as I started with. -<>- >Adult Time While driving her son Mikey home from his basketball game, the youngster said, "Mommy, I know what you and Daddy do after me and my brother go to bed." Although Mom was a bit concerned with where the conversation was heading, she asked him, "What do we do?" Mikey replied, "You guys watch T.V. and eat ice cream and don't share with us!" -<>- >Bride-To-Be The manager of a small jewelry store was having a conversation with a bride-to-be and noticed her stunning engagement ring. "So," he asked, have you looked for any wedding bands yet? "Oh, no. I think that we're going with a DJ." -<>- >Late to School The youngest child of a large family ran into the classroom, totally out of breath. He handed the teacher a note which read: "Please excuse my son's tardiness. I forgot to wake him up and didn't find him until I made the beds." -<>- >Washing Machine Grandma and Grandpa purchased a new front loading washer and dryer. The grandchildren were impressed with all the "bells and whistles." Grandma was looking for them one day. They had taken their little chairs into the laundry room and were watching the clothes in the washer and dryer. When asked what they were doing they said, "We're watching the laundry channel." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) >SMILES .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` A surgeon was checking on a patient who'd had a hernia operation three days before. The doctor asked the man, "Why haven't you gotten out of bed?" "I hurt! You don't know how it feels." "I know exactly how it feels. I had the same procedure last month, and I was back at work two days later. There's no difference in our operations." "Oh yes there is. You had a different surgeon." -------- A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only. The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large picnic basket. She stood right in front of the man and grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket was above the man's head. Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her. She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance. Soon the picnic basket began to leak. The man felt something drop on top of his head. As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down across his lips. He tasted it, looked up at the lady and asked, "Pickles?" She replied, "No, no, puppies....." -------- As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me. You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly without any reservations, you laid on my naked body...you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me. Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you, but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last nights events. My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it harder to forget you. Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you...you darn... mosquito! --- ...HaHa! Spiders too leave me with the same impression! I was watering my outside geranium and disturbed a huge black one. Catching it's web with my water container, it either fell down to the ground or I was able to smash it with the container. Not sure which. I was a little frantic with my efforts to squish the glob of black on the bottom of the container before it could run up and get on me. So, I am not sure if I got the nasty monster or not. This made me visualize it before going to sleep and every time I woke up in the night. -------- As we age, our priorities change... The other day I came home and was greeted by my wife, dressed scantily and holding a couple of short velvet ropes." Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So, I tied her up and went to play golf. -------- Daughter Texting to her Dad: Daddy, I am coming home to get married soon, so get out your check book. LOL I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. As you know, I am in Australia, and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber. My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding." Lots of love and thanks, Your favorite daughter, Lilly Dad's reply .... also texting - My Dear Lilly, Like Wow! Really? Cool! Whatever....., I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through Paypal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay. --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- _____ /.---.\ |`````| \ / `-.-' ____ | /\ .' /\ __|__ |K----; | | jgs`-----` \/ '.___\/ >Trivia Glass takes one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times! Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years. Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end. If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off. Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals. Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers. The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year. Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent. Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F. The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear. Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean. The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man. Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density. The University of Alaska spans four time zones. The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself. In ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted. Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. A comet's tail always points away from the sun. The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent. Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines. The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity. If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day. When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight. In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed. Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside. Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams. The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth Each year. The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust. --- ...Had to stop and fact check this one as it seemed so astounding to me. Amazing - check out this: http://tinyurl.com/779pg55 The comments here too are most interesting and after a while made my head hurt - HaHa - I'm not that much into math. It goes over my head and boggles my mind... this one person in particular commented in part... 'In ~ 65 million years, Earth would have gained ~ 65*10^6*400*3*10^5 ~ 8*10^15 kg, or ~ 10^-9 parts more mass. Surface gravity gm = GM/R^2 * m (idealizing Earth as a point mass) would scale as M/R^2 ~ M/(M^1/3)^2 ~ M^1/3, or have been 10^-10 parts larger (using a binomial approximation and order of magnitude).' A bunch of these comments started getting my head to hurt. Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters. Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy. Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down. Everything weighs one percent less at the equator. For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off. The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements. --- ...Cool trivia! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- .===. _ _ / _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \ \/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ | ( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. _)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ / `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) /\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )( \ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) \|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ | L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) |__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ | | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ |_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) >Answers to Questions on Science Tests By 5th and 6th graders: The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom. A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water and then forcing it through an aviator. The inhabitants of Moscow are Mosquitoes. It is so hot in some places that people there have to live in other places. Momentum is something you give a person when they go away. Mushrooms always grow in damp places which is why they look like umbrellas. The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana. Thunder is a rich source of loudness. Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I never have been able to make out the numbers. In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes. When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy. One of the main causes of dust is janitors. For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the victim is dead. Blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other. A monsoon is a French gentleman. The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom. Rain is saved up in cloud banks. To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow. Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should. Water vapor gets together in a big cloud. When it gets big enough to be called a drop, it does. There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because so many people are stomping around there these days. The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on. You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind. --- ...Oh Gee! LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) _|\ _/|_, ,((\\``-\\\\_ ,(()) `))\ ,(())) ,_ \ ((())' | \ ))))) >.__ \ (((' / `-. .c| hjw / `-`' >The Horse Rider A 30 year-old blonde decides to try horseback riding for the first time. With no lessons, nor prior experience, she mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves and as her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse. And you thought all they did was say, "Hello". --- ...a hero! HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- (.,------...__ _.'" `. .' .' `, `. `. ` . .' .'/''--...__`. \ . .--.`. ' "-. '. | '' .' _.' .()) .--":/ ''( \_\ ' (()( ''._' ( \ ' ' `. `--' ' `.: . `-.___.' ' `. . _ _ .' ) .____.-' .'`. (--.. .' \ /\ / / `. .' \( \ /|/ `. .' \__/ `. / | o | \ | | | jro >LITTLE BRUCE Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10.. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine." Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. "Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?" Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far." Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little S is adorable. --- ...LMAO! Thanks PatDeE! Reminds me of this song - I grew up with this song thinking of it as a sweet love song until I really listened to the lyrics... My Eyes Adored you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJyaa90LZr0 "You were 5th grade, I was 6th grade...' Really!?! He is talking about himself at 10 or 11 years old! Geesh at that age they are supposed to be into sports or school events - not EVEN thinking about romance! And I thought kids of today are starting out way too young - guess it has always been a problem for parents to deal with. ""My Eyes Adored You" (original working title, "Blue Eyes in Georgia") is a popular song written by Bob Crewe and Kenny Nolan.[1] It was originally recorded by The Four Seasons in early 1974. After the MoWest label balked at the idea of releasing it, the recording was sold to lead singer Frankie Valli for $4000. After rejections by Capitol, Atlantic, and other labels, Valli succeeded in getting the recording released on Private Stock Records, but the owner/founder of the label wanted only Valli's name on the label. The single was released in the U.S. in November 1974 and topped the Billboard Hot 100 in March 1975." -<>- ~ZIGGY~ ___---___ .-- --. ./ \. / o \ / .. o | | ;` '. | | : : | | `._ _.' | | ``--.-' .- |. .| _.'| | : : \ `--'--' / : : \ / : : `\ /' : : `--___ ___--' : : --- _.' `-._ ~~/ \____...-' `\ :_. `----./ / |`` . ._: :_:_:_: |__ ~~~ _.-`._:._:-' /``````---``` \ / | \jgs ____/ | \___ __.--'' | ```---..__ `\ _| _.' `\ _.-'' `-._ _.' `\ .-' `-._ _.' `\ .' `-._.' `' >One Liners... 1. Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet. 2. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort. 3. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor. 4. How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, they're efficient and not very funny. 5. What do you call a dog with no legs. It doesn't matter; it's not going to come. 6. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay. You have my Word. 7. What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table. 8. Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor B. 9. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints. 10. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day. Even the cake was in tiers. 11. We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea. Runs in our jeans. 12. A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building. He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!" 13. A hot blonde orders a double entendre at the bar. The bartender gave it to her. 14. Want to hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism. 15. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work. 16. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye Matey. 17. To the handicapped guy who stole my bag - You can hide but you can't run. 18. I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish. 19. And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life" But John came fifth, and won a toaster. 20. Q: How do you think the unthinkable? A: With an itheberg. 21. Someone stole my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about that. 22. I tried to catch fog yesterday, Mist. 23. The first rule of Alzheimer's club, Is don't talk about chess club. 24. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan. 25. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. --- ...Oh my goodness. Teehee! groan! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From Tea Party: Affirmative Action Housing Coming to YOUR Neighborhood, Courtesy of Obama and SCOTUS http://tinyurl.com/ntdcxco -<>- >From MRC: MRCTV: Megyn Kelly Announces a 1.5 Week Vacation http://email.mrc.org/c/1353CGWfV6gYBbhyiW6UtaMvL MRC Alert: Yawn: ABC Skips Hillary's Classified Chatter, Opts for Tennis Talk and more: http://email.mrc.org/q/17EQkmjtLASK7btWLcfcaO/wv >From BizarreNews: [edited] Three men face charges after allegedly going on a treasure hunt in the sewers below Flatbush, NY. The suspects were pulled out empty handed from the sewers after their four-hour adventure. "Goodness knows what they were looking for, and darn sure I wouldn't be crawling through the sewers of New York," said Police Commissioner Bill Bratton. Winston, Ray and Egon - I mean Marquis Evans, 21, Damien Nieves, 35, and David Hannibal, 45, face trespassing and reckless endangerment charges. They apparently went into the sewer with metal detectors to help find valuables, officials said. Evans, a Department of Environmental Protection employee, allegedly gave the other two access to the manhole. "We're not going to weld them all shut," Bratton said. "Any idiot that wants to crawl below the streets unfortunately can do it by prying." The police were alerted to the incident by a citizen who saw them pop the manhole open and climb in. Bratton praised the caller for following the 'see something, say something' adage. -<>- There are ways to get kicks on a Saturday night, and then there is this. Police responded to a movie theater in Newport Beach, CA around 11 p.m. after several 911 emergency calls about a disturbance. Witnesses told investigators between two to three male suspects had arranged to open the secured emergency exit door at the front of the theater during a screening of the psychological thriller "The Gift." One suspect entered the theater through the emergency door, holding "some type of loud, handheld machine" later determined to be a leaf-blower over his head, police said. The suspect yelled, shook the leaf-blower, and revved its engine to create a loud and disturbing noise. The three men reportedly exited the theater through the same emergency exit door, police said. Officials say three people suffered minor injuries as movie- goers rushed out of the theater. Police say that whether or not it was meant as a prank, it was no joking matter given a recent series of violent episodes in movie theaters nationally. They are just lucky some paranoid patron wasn't packing a concealed weapon which he could have unloaded in their general direction. Then again, I have seen some theaters recently that I would like to go through with a leaf blower before sitting down. Maybe these jerk-offs were just trying to perform a public service. *-- Woman sues restaurant known for throwing rolls after she gets hit by bread --* SIKESTON, Mo. - A diner filed a lawsuit Monday against a Missouri restaurant famous for its "throwed rolls" after a piece of bread hit her and caused an injury. Troy Tucker sued Lambert's Cafe in Sikeston, Mo., after she said she was hit by a roll and "sustained a lacerated cornea with a vitreous detachment and all head, neck, eyes and vision were severely damaged" in September 2014, WDAF-TV, St. Louis, Mo., reported. She is seeking $25,000 to pay for her medical bills and legal fees. The lawsuit said Lambert's Cafe should know about the dangers caused by throwing rolls. Jerry Johnson, the general manager of the restaurant, told KFVS-TV in Cape Girardeau, Mo., the employees never mean to injure anyone when they throw rolls. He said people have tried to sue the restaurant in the past, and in some cases, the company's insurance has paid the cost of medical bills. It's unclear if Tucker has a case for her allegations of "carelessness and negligence" against Lambert's Cafe. There are multiple signs inside and and outside the restaurant calling it "Home of Throwed Rolls." *-- Florida woman caught on camera having toddler blow into breathalyzer --* APOPKA, Fla. - A Florida woman accused of leaving her young children in the car while drinking in a bar was caught on camera having her 4-year-old blow into her breathalyzer. The Apopka police officer's body camera was recording Sunday when April King, 35, handed the breathalyzer installed in her vehicle to her 4-year-old son so he could blow into it and start the car. The officer was questioning King on allegations she left the boy and his 2-year-old sibling alone in the car while she drank at Froggers Grill and Bar. King was arrested on child endangerment charges and held in lieu of $1,500 bail. King's husband, Doug King, said he had the breathalyzer installed in his wife's car after her recent stint in rehab. He said his wife has a drinking problem and he does not intend to bail her out of jail. "I think this is the best thing for her. Rehab hasn't worked and she hasn't learned anything from it," Doug King told WFTV. He said he is taking his children, who were released into the custody of a babysitter because he was out of town at the time of the incident, and moving to Oklahoma. *-- Woman's bra saves her from hunter's stray bullet --* MECKLENBURG-VORPOMMERN, Germany - A female cyclist's underwire bra may have saved her from life-threatening injuries after a hunter accidentally shot her. The 41-year-old tourist was riding across a field with her husband when she unknowingly rolled into a boar hunt, German newspaper Gadebusch-Rehnaer reported Friday. During a break, the woman felt a sudden sharp pain in her chest, soon realizing the underwire from her bra deflected a bullet. The couple immediately alerted the alleged shooter of the accident after he was spotted at a neighboring farm. "Those in charge of the hunt broke it up straight away" area police spokesperson Andre Falke said. The shooter is reportedly being investigated on suspicion of injury caused by negligence. This isn't the first report of the undergarment blocking a potentially deadly bullet. In Feb., a Brazilian woman's life was saved when her black underwire bra stopped a stray round from hitting her in the heart. "It was not just the bra wiring, which softened [it] a little," she told reporters, "but God who saved me." *-- Missouri family threatened with jail for putting up purple playground --* LEE'S SUMMIT, Mo. - A Missouri family said their homeowners association is threatening them with jail time after they refused to take down their purple playground equipment. Marla Stout of Lee's Summit said her family put up a playset for their young daughters about two years ago and she painted the equipment purple to comply with requirements of the Raintree Lake Neighborhood Homeowner's Association. "There's nothing in the rules about color," Stout told WDAF-TV. "What it says is it has to be harmonious with the community and with nature and there is nothing that dictates the color of the swing set." Stout said she considered the purple color to be "harmonious" because it matches the color of the trees in the fall, but the homeowner's association disagreed. Stout said she received a notice from the HOA last year saying they were being fined for not having the playground equipment and its color pre-approved, but they successfully appealed and had the fine thrown out. However, the HOA sent further letters demanding the purple playground's removal. "[The letters said] that if we didn't remove the swing set from the subdivision in a couple of weeks, we go to jail," Stout told KMBC-TV. Another letter pledged the HOA's lawsuit would cost the family "greater than any principal you are trying to prove." She said the HOA ignored a petition signed by more than a dozen neighbors saying they were not bothered by the equipment. Stout said her family has hired an attorney and will continue to fight. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) __________ __________ |`. ,'| | ()[]| | `.__.' | | ____ | | | | ==== | |__________| |__________| (c)Mike'97 >Actual Complaint letters... THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS: 1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts." 2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned." 3. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food." 4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price." 5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room." 6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow." 7. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax." 8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared." 9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers." 10. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish." 11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun." 12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair." 13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three- bedroom and ours was significantly smaller." 14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service." 15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners." 16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning." 17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel." 18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes." 19. "My fiancee and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked." BE AWARE .... THEY WALK AMONG US and THEY VOTE!!!! and they REPRODUCE --- ...LOL! These are a hoot! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ,______________________________________ |_________________,----------._ [____] ""-,__ __....-----===== (_(||||||||||||)___________/ "" | `----------' Krogg98[ ))"-, | "" `, _,--....___ | `/ """" A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!" -<>- Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, "I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax. In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis... When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again." The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, "What's his wife's name?" Her husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda." -<>- "YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY..." "Everything Comes In Threes" - Not true. In reality, every- thing comes in ones. Sometimes, when three "ones" come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them longer to recognize the pattern. "You Can't Take It With You (when you die)" - Well..., that depends on what it is. If it's your dark blue suit, you can certainly take it with you. In fact, not only can you take it with you, you can probably put some things in your pockets. "You Learn Something New Every Day" - Actually, you learn something old every day. Just because you've just learned it, doesn't mean it's new. Other people already knew it, Columbus is a good example of this. "You Get What You Pay For" - Clearly this is not true. Have you been shopping recently? Only a very naive person would believe that you get what you pay for. In point of fact, if you check your purchases carefully, you'll find that you get whatever they feel like giving you. And if corporations get any more powerful, you soon might not even get that. "NICE GUYS FINISH LAST" - Not true. Studies have shown that, on average, nice guys finish third in a field of six. Actually, short guys finish last. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that nice guys finished twenty-sixth. You can see how limited those people were. -<>- Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While one of the robbers takes the money from the tellers, the other lines the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceeds to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand. Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, "What is this?" To which the first lawyer replies, "It's that $50 I owe you." -<>- During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big boob." The bishop rose to close the session and remarked sympathetically, "That's okay. We like big boobs." -<>- A man walks into a bar with a little salamander-looking creature in his hand. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it. "His name is Tiny," replies the man. "Why do you call him that?" asks the bartender. "Because he's my newt!" ========================================================= >-->From Laugh&Lift: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' "The Bible is perfect; it is complete. Every number, every word, every letter, every detail, is there by a very precise, deliberate design. All this is interesting - it's fascinating - it's astounding. But the Bible is much more than an item of curiosity. It is much more than a book to be studied for its hidden secrets. Those things are there to prove to us that God's Word is a coherent whole, that it has One Divine Author, one major theme, and we can trust it for our daily lives." - Rocky Henriques */The Lift/* , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >The Bible Lives (Written by O. Woods) Generation follows generation - yet it lives. Nations rise and fall - yet it lives. Kings, dictators, rulers come and go - yet it lives. Torn, condemned, burned - yet it lives. Hated, despised, cursed - yet it lives. Doubted, suspected, criticized - yet it lives. Damned by atheists - yet it lives. Scoffed at by scorners - yet it lives. Exaggerated by fanatics - yet it lives. Misconstrued and misstated - yet it lives. Ranted and raved about - yet it lives. Its inspiration denied - yet it lives. Yet it lives - as a lamp to our feet. Yet it lives - as a light to our paths. Yet it lives - as the gate to Heaven. Yet it lives - as a standard for childhood. Yet it lives - as a guide for youth. Yet it lives - as an inspiration for the matured. Yet it lives - as a comfort for the aged. Yet it lives - as food for the hungry. Yet it lives - as water for the thirsty. Yet it lives - as rest for the weary. Yet it lives - as light for the heathen. Yet it lives - as salvation for the sinner. Yet it lives - as grace for the believer. To know it is to love it. To love it is to accept it. To accept it means life eternal. -<>- ..::''''::.. .:::. .;'' ``;. .... ::::: :: :: :: :: ,;' .;: () ..: `:::' :: :: :: :: ::. ..:,:;.,:;. . :: .::::. `:' :: .:' :: :: `:. :: '''::, :: :: :: `:: :: ;: .:: : :: : : :: ,:'; ::; :: :: :: :: :: ::,::''. . :: `:. .:' :: `:,,,,;;' ,;; ,;;, ;;, ,;;, ,;;, `:,,,,:' :;: `;..``::::''..;' ``::,,,,::'' *_Quick Jokes _* Wit and Wisdom of Will Rogers [Edited] Don't squat with your spurs on. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket. There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to touch the electric fence for themselves. -------- Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed his name as "Cole, Pheven." "I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to him. "What is your first name?" "It's Stephen," he replied. "I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph." -------- >Things heard by tech support: Customer: "I have Microword Soft." Customer: "This is Microwave Windows?" Customer: (Referring to Microsoft Defrag.) "I ran Defrost, but it didn't help." Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder." Customer: "It's not my computer that is slow. I have a 200 horse power hard drive." -------- A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." -------- Old Jacob Johnson, a raging hypochondriac, was convinced that the pain on his left side was appendicitis. Mrs. Johnson explained that the appendix is on the right. "So, aha! THAT's why it hurts so much," said Jacob. "My appendix is on the wrong side!" -------- My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! CAN'T!" "Doctor, what's wrong with my wife!" I cried. "It's perfectly normal," he reassured me, "She's just having her contractions." [Oh, come on, you KNOW that made you crack a smile...:) :) ] -------- A church-going cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. The next morning a cow walked up carrying the Bible in it's mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes! He took the book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heaven-ward and exclaimed, "Praise God! It's a miracle!" "Not really...." said the cow. "Your name was written inside the cover." [Now, don't tell me you didn't smile at this one too!! :) :)] _SUBSCRIBE INFO_ Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Friends Last Journey http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mananddog.html Scientists Unveil New Species 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newspecies2.html Walking In Power http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/walkingpower.html Animal Friends! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends.html Humor in Religion http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion.html Desert Skiing Resort http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desertskiing.html Elephant Jokes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eleph.html Just Thinking http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thinking.html Building Advertising Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingads.html Strange Buildings http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildings.html Says It All! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saysitall.html World's Most Spectacular Places! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spectacularplaces.html -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Letterbox Word Game http://letterbox.lexigame.com/# Hamster Shredder http://www.tomballhatchet.com/hamstershredder.html The Make A Difference Movie - The Teddy Stallard Story http://makeadifferencemovie.com/index.php Friday 3rd July 2015 Lightning Storm Amazing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmAlidjC6Uk --- ...Good Ones! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) Birds-Eye view of California Drought. http://tinyurl.com/ocl96qf --- ...Wowsers! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) What a wonderful world https://www.youtube.com/embed/auSo1MyWf8g?rel=0 Some kids are just better at this than others. I never got beyond the little bottle and wand from the 5 and dime. Check out Ana Yang Gazillion Bubble Show - YouTube https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/KMrvR836TFI?rel=0 --- ...Beautiful! I love Bubbles! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) This parrot loves taking a good shower. Like many of us, he also known exactly how he likes his water pressure, so don't go changing the setting on him, as he'll have none of that! An adorable moment that demonstrates once again how smart some parrots really are. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=BschEXMGS-Q A compilation of funny animals - cats, dogs, parrots, guinea pigs, raccoons, llamas and more. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SxV5KGqu6U&feature=player_embedded Tim Silver amazes the audience of the French television show 'The World's Greatest Cabaret' with his magic mirror. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-SzVKDk-IU&feature=player_embedded Watch closely, but you won't spot the illusion behind this incredible sleight-of-hand. It's so subtle and precise that it will really make you believe in magic! It's some of the most impressive work I've ever seen, and Penn & Teller agree. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAN-PwRfJcA&feature=player_embedded --- ...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new survey found that half of all American employees have faked a sick day. While the other half have just lied on a survey." -Jimmy Fallon "Yesterday was National Middle Child Day. It's a holiday that doesn't matter much - just like a middle child. If you didn't notice National Middle Child Day, you celebrated it correctly, by the way." -Conan O'Brien "The number of shark attacks around the world increased by 25 percent. With the economy like it is, more and more sharks are turning to crime." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study has revealed that the reading level of presidential speeches has dropped significantly over the last 200 years. Or as Americans put it, 'Why dat?'" -Jimmy Fallon "A new study of online dating profiles reveals that women respond 31 percent better to men who use the word 'whom.' Frankly, I don't know whom these men are, or whom they're trying to impress." -Conan O'Brien "A woman in the U.K. held a wedding ceremony to marry her- self. I don't know how to tell you this, but I think that lady you just married might be crazy." -Seth Meyers "A new report claims that William Shakespeare was a marijuana user and may have been high when he wrote some of his plays. Which explains that one line: 'To be, or not to be... Wait, what was the question?'" -Jimmy Fallon "For the first time American astronauts on the International Space Station ate vegetables grown in space. In other words, even space is getting more rain than California." -Conan O'Brien "A Florida man was arrested for throwing potato salad at a nail salon. During his arrest, he said, 'I've been drinking and taking Xanax. What do you expect me to do?' Well, not that, although I do sympathize. When I was trying to give up carbs, I once threw a bowl of spaghetti at a karate studio." -James Corden >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************