Redneck Challenge... :) Shangy!
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================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
I am pleased to announced we have a new sponsor - Saltwaterfish.com
is a leading online retailer of live marine fish, coral, invertebrates
and aquarium supplies for the home aquarist. They offer a 15 day
guarantee on all marine life. Top quality ratings from TrustPilot, and
an industry leading customer service team.
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Saltwaterfish.com
https://tinyurl.com/y2sa3yfe
Anytime you click through their ad and buy something, you will be
not only purchasing an excellent low cost item, but you will be
benefiting our website ShangralaFamilyFun.com so that I may continue
to provide you with fun and inspirational emails and pages to add
a little variety and SMILES for your day. So, if you see an ad on
my website, please click through and check them out knowing I have
chosen them for their quality of service and items.
Why? Because I care About you! :)
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
.---------------------------.
/,--..---..---..---..---..--. `.
//___||___||___||___||___||___\_|
[j__ ######################## [_|
\============================|
.==| |"""||"""||"""||"""| |"""||
/======"---""---""---""---"=| =||
|____ []* ____ | ==||
// \\ // \\ |===|| hjw
"\__/"---------------"\__/"-+---+'
A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England.
They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the
barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that
happen?"
"1215," answers the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, "Shoot! Just missed it by a half
hour!"
-<>-
>Rules
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move
and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship:
"I apologize" and "You are right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to
eat crow while it's still warm.
6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was,
"Go! You might meet somebody!"
7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.
8. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one
year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"
9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another
chance!
11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because
of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person
was right about you.
12. Work is good, but it's not that important.
13. And finally... Be really nice to your friends and family. You
never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
June 10 is Ball Point Pen Day, Herb and Spices Day and Iced Tea Day
June 11 is National Corn on the Cob Day
June 12 is National Jerky Day, National Peanut Butter Cookie Day and
Red Rose Day
June 13 is National Weed Your Garden Day and Sewing Machine Day
June 14 is Flag Day, Monkey Around Day and National Flip Flop Day
June 15 is National Hollerin' Contest Day, National Nature
Photography Day, Smile Power Day, Global Wind Day and World
Juggler's Day
June 16 is Father's Day and Fresh Veggies Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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jgs '._'-.__VI_.-'_.'
'-.,___,.-'
>Weighing In
Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about
the long delay she always endured.
One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to
step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse.
Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 15
minutes!"
-<>-
>New Technology
A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a
hospital for several years and felt uneasy, not knowing about all the
new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator,
wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires
and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said.
"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine."
-<>-
>Get Your Sister
A salesman telephoned a household and a young boy answered.
"May I speak to your mother?" the salesman asked.
The boy replied, "She's not here right now."
The salesman then asked, "Is there anyone else there?"
The boy replied, "My sister."
The salesman asked, "May I speak to her"?
The boy replied, "I guess so."
At this point there was a long period of silence on the phone.
Then the boy returned and said, "Hello?"
The salesman responded, "It's you again? I thought you were going
to get your sister."
To which the boy replied, "I tried, but I can't get her out of the
playpen!"
-<>-
>Zookeeper's Dilemma
A zookeeper wanted to get some extra animals for his zoo, so he
decided to compose a letter. The only problem was that he didn't know
the plural of 'Mongoose'.
He started the letter: "To whom it may concern, I need two Mongeese."
No, that won't work, he thought and tried again: "To whom it may
concern, I need two Mongooses." Is that right?
Finally, he got an idea: "To whom it may concern, I need a Mongoose,
and while you're at it, send me a second one."
-<>-
>Power Failure
I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me struck up a
conversation. Just as he was telling me that his wife was getting
carried away with her shopping, a brief power shortage caused the
lights to flicker overhead. "That," he sighed, "must be her checking
out now."
=========================================================
>-->SMILES For a Happy Father's Day :)
___
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| | | / / | | | | || |m1a
Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to
school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.
-<>-
Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card.
Johnny: I don’t have it.
Johnny’s father: Why not?
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.
-<>-
Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy.
“Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his
father replied.
After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to
ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but
now it’s gone.”
-<>-
A small boy was at the zoo with his father. They were looking at
the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were.
“Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…”
“Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him.
“...Which bus would I take to get home?”
-<>-
Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
Science student: When my father sees my report card!
-<>-
Joe: What does your father do for a living?
Jon: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Joe: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Jon: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
-<>-
,,, _,_ _@_ _(_ _?_ >*<
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(.\_o_/.) (.\_-_/.) (,\_e_/') (.\_^_/.) (.\_~_/') (.\_c_/.)
(.`,.`'.') (.`,.'.'.) (.`'.,'.') ('.,'.`'.) (.'.,'.`.) (.,'.,'',)
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('.`,'`) ('.','`) (.'.,'.) ('.`.,') ('.','') (.'.'.')
jgs `--'"` `--'"` `--'"` `--'"' `--'"' `--'"'
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are
having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says,
“Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”
“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”
A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father
of triplets!”
“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”
A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father
of quadruplets!”
“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”
The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall.
“What’s wrong?” the others ask.
“I work for 7 Up!”
-<>-
A book never written: “Fatherly Advice” by Buck L. Upson.
-<>-
Son: For $20, I’ll be good.
Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.
-<>-
Pee Wee: What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice?
Westy: Beats me.
Pee Wee: A POPsicle!
-<>-
Pee Wee: How is the baby bird like its dad?
Westy: How?
Pee Wee: It’s a chirp off the old block.
-<>-
Dad: How do you like fourth grade?
Son: It isn’t much fun.
Dad: That’s too bad. It was the best three years of my life!
-<>-
Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and
a pack of elephants?
Dad: No.
Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!
-<>-
Jacob: I have a lot of my dad’s genes.
Dave: Really? I bet they don’t fit.
-<>-
'\ . . |>18>>
\ . ' . |
O>> . 'o |
\ . |
/\ . |
/ / .' |
jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Q: What did the golfer dad want for Father’s Day?
A: A Tee Shirt
Q: Why did the daddy cat want to go bowling on Father’s Day?
A: He was an alley cat.
Q: What did Daddy pig put on his Father’s Day pancakes?
A: Hog cabin syrup
Q: What did the Panda give his daddy on Father’s Day?
A: A bear hug.
Q: How did the Panda open his Father’s Day card?
A: With his bear hands.
Q: What can you give a dad for Father’s day that he’ll love – and
costs nothing at all?
A: A long nap.
Q: What did the banana’s daddy get for Father’s Day?
A: Slippers.
Q: Why do so many dads hope it doesn’t rain on Father’s Day?
A: So they can play catch with their kids!
Q: What do dads like to snack on for Father’s day?
A: POPcorn.
Q: How do dads like their steak on Father’s Day?
A: On a plate!
Q: Why did the broken firecracker get a gift?
A: It’s nice to give Duds gifts on Futher’s Day.
Q: When does Father’s Day come before St. Patrick’s Day?
A: In the dictionary!
Q: Why did dad want to go fishing on Father’s Day?
A: He was hooked on it.
Q: What should you never give a daddy dentist on Father’s Day?
A: A plaque!
Q: Why did the kids give their dad a blanket for Father’s Day?
A: Because he was the coolest dad.
Q: Why do dads who like golf get extra pairs of socks for Father’s Day?
A: Just in case they finally get a hole in one.
-<>-
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| O |
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|___|
( )
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'.-.' Shyny
) (
( )
\|/
Just writing'
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I
$imply can’t think of anything I need, $o ju$t $end me a card, a$
I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on
Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even
an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge
is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
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_( ) __
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/_ /_ \ /
/_ / /\/
// / % @@@@
/ / % @@@@~@
/ @@@~@@@@
!! / @@@@@@@
O_ _/ @@_@
/X_, / ||
< 6 _||_
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
KITE TROUBLE - DAVID S. ISSEL
>SMILES
Most folks believe that Ben Franklin discovered electricity with his
famous kite experiment.
Actually, a women made that discovery possible.
The real story was that Ben Franklin was laying in bed with his wife
one night, leaned over and whispered something in her ear.
She told him to go fly a kite. The rest is history.
----------
How long have you been driving without a tail light, mam?" the
policeman asked Cathy, a blonde.
Cathy jumped out, ran to the rear of her car, and gave a low moan.
Her distress was so great that the cop was moved to ease up on her
a bit.
"Aw, come now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It
isn't that serious."
"It isn't?" cried Cathy. "What happened to my husband's boat and
trailer?
----------
Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her
constipation. "It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels
in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in
the morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."
----------
"Wow, man," Timmy said. "God parted the Red Sea and let all His people
through on dry ground!" "Sorry," said the biblical scholar. "But that
wasn't the Red Sea; it was the Reed Sea. And its water is only about 1
foot deep. No miracle was involved." "Oh," said Timmy. Then, reading
on a little more, he said, "Wow, man! What a miracle! God drowned all
those Egyptians in 1 foot of water!"
-------
A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class.
The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and said, "What
are you doing, wearing a football jersey?"
She replied, "Why, I bought it and own it, why shouldn't I wear it?"
He said, "You're not supposed to wear it unless you've made the team."
"Oh," she replied sweetly, "Who did I miss?"
----------
The weather was very hot and a man wanted desperately to take a dive
in a nearby lake.
He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but He was all alone. So he
undressed and got into the water.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies
walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the
water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the
bucket in front of his privates and sighed with relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted
to move.
Then one of the ladies said: 'You know , I have a special gift, I
can read minds.'
'Impossible', said the embarrassed man, 'You really know what I
think?'
'Yes', the lady replied, 'Right now, I bet you think that the bucket
you're holding has a bottom.'
----------
A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to
a very expensive restaurant to make a good impression. The waiter
approaches the table and asks to take their order. The lady begins
ordering practically everything on the menu, shrimp cocktail, pate,
Caesar Salad, lobster, crepes Suzette, with no regard to the price.
The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she would order
so much. She then stops, and looks across at him, and asks, "What do
you suggest I wash it down with?" "Well my dear, I can think of
nothing so fitting as the Mississippi River."
----------
Marvin was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table,
reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a
beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was
known primarily for his lack of IQ and common sense.
He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face.. “I’ll
never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive
wives.”
His wife replies, “Why thank you, dear!”.
----------
There was a preacher that was trying to sell his horse. A potential
buyer came to the church for a test ride.
"Before you start" the preacher said, "you should know that this
horse only responds to church talk. "Go" is "Praise the Lord" and
"Stop" is "Amen."
So the man on the horse says " Praise the Lord," and the horse starts
to trot. The man again says "Praise the Lord," and the horse starts
to gallop.
Suddenly there is a cliff right in front of the horse and the man
yells "Amen!!!" The horse stops just at the edge of the cliff.
The man wipes the sweat from his brow and says "Praise the Lord."
-------
____
/ __\
|: /---) \ / ___
\:( _/ \ / /_ \
\ \ \/ \_\::)
\_ \ _0""0_ / _/
\ \/= \/ =\/ /
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\_\______/_/
__// \\__
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_ //__//====\\__\\ _
_ //__//====\\__\\ _
_ // /( )\ \\ _
_ / /( )\ \ _
|( )|
/ \
/ /||\ \
\:_/\_:/ S@yaN
A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read, 'Big Lobster
Tales, $5 each.' Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked
the waitress, 'Five dollars each for lobster tails -- is that correct?'
'Yes,' she said. 'It's our special just for today.' 'Well,' he said,
'they must be little lobster tails.' 'No,' she replied, 'it's the
really big lobster.' 'Big red lobster tails, $5 each?' he said,
amazed. 'They must be old lobster tails!' 'No, they're definitely
today's.' 'Today's big red lobster tails -- $5 each?' he repeated,
astounded. 'Yes,' she insisted. 'Well, here's my five dollars,' he
said. 'I'll take one.' She took the money and led him to a table where
she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her
hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him, and said, 'Once upon
a time there was a really big, red lobster...'
----------
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She
directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a
ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and! she came home with a
tin of tobacco and some rolling papers. Because it is Soooooo much
cheaper.
So, I figure that if I have to roll my own, SO DOES SHE!
----------
A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old
castle. At the end of the tour, the guide asks her how she enjoyed
it. She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some
of the dark, cob-web filled, rooms and passages.
"Don't worry," says the guide. "I've never seen a ghost all the time
I've been here."
"How long is that?" asks the girl.
"About three hundred years."
----------
Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an
arithmetic lesson. 'If you had ten dollars,' said the teacher,
'and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would
you have left?'
'Ten,' said Little Johnny firmly.
'Ten?' the teacher said 'How do you make it ten?'
'Well,' replied Little Johnny 'You may ask for a loan of eight
dollars, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!'
----------
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference
between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another
example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take
his billfold with all his money, what would I be?" Little Johnny
raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "you'd
be his wife!"
---
...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
. ( )
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,___________.
| _________ |
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||%____#___||
|___________|
Taliszanna
Hey Everyone!
I came across an article yesterday that I thought was
pretty interesting so I'm sharing some of the content
with you guys today.
It features shower habits that you need to ditch, so
get ready to turn down the water temperature and
drop the shampoo.
Believe it or not, some of the things you do every day
while taking a shower could be affecting you in ways
you've never thought of.
Let's start off with reusing dirty towels. The logic
seems solid: if you only use your towel when your body
is clean, how could your towel possibly be dirty.
This is not the case, though. It's ok to use your towel two
to three times before you finally give it a wash, but this
is only if you hang it up to air dry after every use.
Just like your loofah, dead skin cells can clean to your
towel, and there's a huge risk for bacterial growth.
Using the same towel for a week or more at a time could
mean putting yourself at risk for bacterial skin infections -
plus, they will eventually start to smell icky bad.
---
...Really? Who reuses their bath towel Anyway???
-<>-
>Washing Your Face
Without a doubt, it's easier and less messy to wash your
face when you're already in the shower. However, despite
the convenience, it's actually not good for your face.
The water that you shower in will typically be much hotter
than what you'd wash with at the sink, and the high temperature
can make your skin dry out very quickly.
Those with skin conditions such as acne may find that
washing their face with hot water can cause excessive
redness and irritation - it could even burst a blood vessel
in your face if you wash too aggressively.
Use a gentle cleanser and avoid washing your face in the
shower, particularly if you have acne-prone skin.
---
...For normal people - especially teens starting to break out:
Teach them the original Noxzema clean...
#1: use a wash cloth soaked with as hot as you can stand water.
#2: apply fully to face to wet. No rubbing. Lightly Towel dry.
#3: apply Noxzema all over face and neck avoiding eyes
#4: let stand for several minutes.
#5: Remove all Noxzema gently with warm water wash cloth
#6: Pat face dry with clean towel.
#7: Repeat daily or every other day.
-<>-
>Not Washing Your Feet
You might be thinking that your feet make contact with
plenty of water while you're in the shower, so there's no
real reason to actually bend down and give them a proper
wash. You'd be wrong, though.
Even if you're not prone to smelly feet, think about how
sweaty your feet can get throughout the day. Not only
that, but if you're known to walk around the house or
outdoors without socks or shoes, you never know what you
might be picking up along the way.
There's no excuse for just letting the soap suds run down
to your toes anymore - imagine what you're bringing into
your bed every night without giving those feet a good wash.
-<>-
Save 10% on utilities with window film
You west-facing windows get the hot afternoon sun, but you
can cover them with an SPF film that can lower your home's
internal temperature significantly.
SPF film adheres right to the window panes, and since they
are clear it won't block your view, but will keep out UV rays
and infrared heat.
Adding these will lower the temperature in your home by 15
degrees or more and saving you 10% on cooling costs.
-<>-
>Conserve energy by optimiznig fans
Fans can make you and a room feel up to 10 degrees cooler.
While the average central air conditioner uses about 3,500 watts,
a floor fan uses only 15 - 19 watts - that's just 3% of the
energy of central air.
Also smart: consider placing a stand-alone fan near an A/C
vent to boost its range by 25%.
-<>-
>'Go Green' Hint: Install an evaporative cooler
Evaporative or swamp coolers are either built-in or
free-standing units that incorporate a fan that pulls
air over cold-water soaked pads. These systems use as
much as 75 percent less energy than central air
conditioners and can lower the temperature by as much
as 30 degrees.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Justice With Judge Jeanine 6/8/19
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bn7iDS10k1I
President Trump and America Are Winners by Getting Mexico to Intensify
Fight Against Illegal Immigration
“Against nearly insurmountable odds, President Trump proved his critics
wrong once again by getting Mexico to agree Friday to step up its
efforts to reduce illegal immigration to the U.S.,” National Border
Patrol Council President Brandon Judd writes in Fox News.
“This win by our president shows he understands that politely asking
other countries to change their behavior when it harms us isn’t always
enough . . . Facing the largest border security crisis in the history of
the United States, and knowing the Mexican economy is completely reliant
on U.S. trade, Trump pulled out all the stops.”
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
Star Wars Star ATTACKS Trump, Hurts HIMSELF - He is pathetic and just
shot himself in the foot ... Wow! What A Dumb Dumb - And we thought
AOC was low IQ!
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-1425h6-jtomsh-b61d11g8/
CNN Forced To Admit Sad TRUTH - CNN seems to be losing a lot nowadays
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-144it6-ju0dsb-b61d11g7/
Maxine Water's Bad Week Became Worse?
She wishes to Destroy American and here is the ...
https://preservefreedom.org/maxine-water-hopes-for-u-s-demise/
Mitt Romney THROWS Trump Under The BUS
Mitt just cannot get over the fact that Trump is ...
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-144it6-ju0dsl-b61d11g7/
Ocasio-Cortez Wants To Loosen Restrictions on Drugs
Ocasio-Cortez should not have done it .. but
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-144it6-ju0dso-b61d11g0/
BREAKING: Joe Biden CRIME The Media Is HIDING
More Skeletons in the Closet for Biden and they are falling out ...
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-1425h6-jtomsk-b61d11g1/
BOMBSHELL: HARD Evidence Found Of Hillary Corruption
This is the End of Hillary? ...
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-1425h6-jtomsr-b61d11g8/
FBI Official EXPOSES Ocasio-Cortez
Ocasio-Cortez should not have done it .. but
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-1425h6-jtomsu-b61d11g1/
USAF Has a Plane That Can Survive a Nuclear Attack
https://tinyurl.com/yxq23rgv
The California State Bar, has issued a "consumer alert" concerning
disgraced attorney Michael Avenatti, saying it was moving to suspend
him from the practice of law because his alleged conduct "poses a
substantial threat of harm to clients or the public."
https://tinyurl.com/yyq4c5k5
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert: Chicken, Pizza, Berries
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert: Hepatitis A Found in Berries
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Free To Give - Hunger Site
https://www.greatergood.com/emails/2019/reminder-060219-THS-w.html
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
(Newsy Et-Ahem!)
Dating 'apps' have advantages and disadvantages. The
advantage is that you can skip most of the social stuff.
You can skip the time and effort of meeting people,
skip the social rituals involved in getting to know
them, and in many cases you can skip the rejection that
so frequently comes with finding out that person you
have been getting to know is not interested in you.
The disadvantage, of course, is getting robbed in the
middle of the night while you are locked in a closet
with a ball gag in your mouth.
That was the unfortunate fate of one New York man who
was allegedly robbed by a date he met on Grindr. Police
responded to a call of a home invasion robbery around
3 a.m. at the 26-year-old victim's apartment on Greenwich
Street, police said.
The man told police he had met his date in a section of
the app called "Black Men Love Fisting," the sources
said. But they got into an argument over the small size
of the perp's privates - leading him to choke the victim
and demand cash, the sources said.
The victim told police he thought it was part of the
fantasy until his man date allegedly dragged him into a
closet and took $3,000. The victim reported that he
tried to scream when he realized he was being robbed
but couldn't because he had 'a jock strap and ball gag
in his mouth', the sources said.
The robber fled and the victim was treated on the scene.
Cops took latex gloves, a dildo and the swing as
evidence. Police canvassed the area but didn't find the
attacker.
-<>-
(And Another Et-AHem!)
We have all read those stories about some druggy who calls
the police because his dealer screwed him over (or the story
of the pot grower who called the police because somebody
broke into his grow-house and stole a bunch of his pot
plants). There was even a story about a guy who called the
police because a hooker "stole" his money without providing
service. But today's story is a new one on me.
A Houston woman who says she is a stripper is being sued in
small claims court by one of her customers.
"I've never heard of a customer suing a stripper," Nomi
said. "I just don't understand how this person can sue me
for money that he freely gave. I would never have even taken
it had I known I had to pay it back."
I'm sure.
Robert wouldn't say much, but confirms he met Nomi at a strip
club. He says she owes him about $3,000 worth of DVDs, a
laptop and cash, and he's suing to get it back.
Gerald Treece, attorney and law professor at South Texas
College of Law, said it comes down to whether it was all
gifts. "It has no really great legal value," he said. "It
was 'wow' value, and it all depends on whose facts the court
believes."
-<>-
(More Et-Ahems!)
*--- Foreplay Has Changed A Lot Since I Was Single ---*
A Florida man is facing manslaughter charges after
accidentally shooting a woman during a s%x act. According
to the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office, Andrew
Shinault, 23, and a woman in her 20s, were "engaging in
an act of foreplay involving his registered handgun." The
woman was shot in the upper body. She was rushed to a local
hospital where she later died. Shinault was charged with
Manslaughter several days later and remains in jail on
$50,000 bond.
*--- 21-Year-Old Visits Every Country In The World ---*
A 21-year-old American woman broke a Guinness World Record
when she became the youngest person to visit all 196
sovereign nations in the world. Lexie Alford visited the
North Korean side of the conference rooms in the "blue
house" in the Joint Security Area on the DMZ between North
and South Korea on Friday, crossing off the last country
on her list. Alford said she was unable to find a way around
the U.S. travel ban to North Korea, but Guinness rules
allowed for the "blue house" visit to count as stepping foot
on North Korean land. Alford unseated British man James
Asquith, who previously held the record when he visited
every country on Earth by age 24. "For Guinness, the hardest
part isn't even the travel for breaking the record," Alford
said in 2018, when she still had 13 nations left to visit.
"The hardest part is proving it, proving that I've been to
all these places. I have to get signed witness statements in
each country I go to, and provide plane tickets, passport
stamps, accommodation receipts, log books for every country
I visit."
*--- The Condiment Caper ---*
A Florida Man is facing a domestic battery charge after
allegedly covering his sleeping girlfriend in ketchup,
court records show. Investigators say Peter Wagman, 37,
and his 41-year-old girlfriend have recently "been in
arguments over infidelity by the victim." The couple,
who live in Pinellas Park, have been together for 11
years. At around 4:45 AM Sunday, police report, the
victim awoke 'to ketchup being poured on her by' Wagman,
who was yelling, "That's what you get, bitch." When
police arrived at the residence, they found the woman
'covered in ketchup.' Wagman denied the condiment attack,
though a patrolman noted that 'he has ketchup on the
right side of his pants.' Both Wagman and his girlfriend
have previously been arrested for battering each other.
Wagman, who was released from the county jail, had pleaded
not guilty to the misdemeanor domestic battery count.
*--- Ohio Town Plagued By Pink Water ---*
Officials in an Ohio village said pink water coming out
of residents' taps is safe for drinking, but could be
damaging to clothes. Residents in Coal Grove reported
the water coming out of their taps Monday morning was
bright pink, leading village officials to initially warn
locals not to drink the odd-colored liquid. Officials
later said the pink color came from a malfunction at the
water treatment center that saw a large quantity of
sodium permanganate end up in the water. Stephen Burchett,
the water treatment plant operator for Coal Grove, said
the chemical is not dangerous if ingested, but it could
dye clothes washed in affected water. The village flushed
the water at the treatment plant several times and
officials said the water will return to its usual trans-
parent appearance once all of the pink water has been run
out of the pipes. They still recommend avoiding the yellow
snow.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
, /\ ,
/ '-' '-' \
| POLICE |
\ .--. /
| ( 19 ) |
\ '--' /
'--. .--'
jgs \/
>Backseat Barker
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front
of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,
Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the
van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?
-<>-
>Back Problems
Quasimodo goes to a doctor for his annual checkup.
"I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says.
"What makes you say that?" Quasimodo asks.
"I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch."
-<>-
>You Ain't From Around Here, Are Ya?
A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine.
Everybody sitting around the bar looks at him.
The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?
Where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck
is a taxidermist?"
The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's
okay boys, he's one of us!"
-<>-
>When Was Your Son Born?
Virginia: When was your son born?
Beverly: In March. He came on the first of the month.
Virginia: Is that why you call him Bill?
-<>-
,,,,,
\ e e\
C _\/ |\\,
)\_) \_ /
_/|/_ _//
,'\ ~ /'-,_/ \
/ \_/ / /
, | \_._,-"
( < _'
| \ \
', -',-~.-'
_/ ) |
|// | '
' ) |
| | |
._., - |.,_ //
_\-' )___|__|_ '-._
b'ger /____\__\
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What do 90 year old people smell like?
A: Depends!
Q: Why did the cowboy die with his boots on?
A: Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!
Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day?
A: So they can fight knights!
Q: Why did the Siamese twins go to England?
A: So that the other one could drive!
Q: What's six inches long, two inches wide and drives a woman crazy?
A: Hundred dollar bills!
Q: What is an innuendo?
A: An Italian suppository!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_
( ) ,,,,,
\\ . . ,
\\ | - D
(._) \__- |
| |
\\|_ , ,---- _ |----.
\__ ( ( / ) _
| \/ \. ' _.| \ ( )
| \ /( / /\_ \ //
\ / ( / / ) //
( , / / , (_.)
|......\ | \,
/ / ) \---
b'ger /___/___^//
Two buddies were getting dressed in the locker room after
a workout, when the first man saw something that give him a
bit of a shock.
"How long have you been wearing that bra?" the man asked his
friend.
The friend replies, "Ever since my wife found it in the
glove compartment."
-<>-
Three elderly doctors have been friends for many years, and
one afternoon at the club they started talking about their
final arrangements.
The first, a dentist, says, "When I die, I think I'd like
my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble."
"That's a very clever idea," says the cardiologist, "I'd love
my tombstone to be shaped like a heart in red marble."
The urologist is silent for a bit, then says, "I'm thinking
about having my ashes scattered."
-<>-
At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the
anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their
operations to help them relax.
One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at
the VA hospital where he had trained.
When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he
said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it
used to be?"
"Well, I suppose," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."
-<>-
___ ___
.-' `-. .-' `-.
/ /\ /\ \ / /\ /\ \
. /__\ /__\ . . /_o\ /o_\ .
|___ ^ ___| |___ ^ ___|
| | |___|
|[[[| unknown |||||
Our Supply Clerk at the factory where I work, discovered a
box that was left on the loading dock with this warning
printed on it: DANGER DO NOT TOUCH!
Management was called and all employees were told to stay
clear of the box until it could be analyzed.
When the foreman arrived, he donned gloves and safety
glasses, and then, very carefully opened the box. Inside
were 250 signs that read: DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH!
-<>-
On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and
noted several historical points of interest. The children
were especially interested because they enjoyed the
computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste
of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the
famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible
in the dirt.
Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my
daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen
always die."
-<>-
At Sunday school they were teaching how God created every-
thing, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed
especially intent when they told him how Eve was created
out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later that day his mother noticed him lying down, curled
up on the floor as though he were ill. She said, "Johnny
what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a
pain in my side. I think I'm gonna have a wife!"
=========================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
Quotes:
Be very, very careful what you put into that head, because you will
never, ever get it out.
-- Thomas Cardinal Wolsey
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
-- Earl Wilson
Oh yes, there is a vast difference between the savage and the
civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until
after breakfast.
-- Helen Rowland
The Internet, for all its interpersonal anonymity, is a schizoid?s
dream. ?
-- Stephen White
-<>-
.-._.--._
/ /
-. |
\ |__
,-'______.-'
'( c-(_)(_)__
\ .._ . )
\ / `-'
/\-|\_
/-. \ /
( , o)\
| | o)\
c - _/\\
/ \ \=====|
| //======|
| / =====_/
|/\===/=/
)==)=)
(==|=|
| |=|______
(_.-. ) )
'--''-' [nabis]
My friend is engaged in a major custody battle...
His wife doesn't want him and his mother won't take him back
-<>-
Miriam, a 16-year-old teenager, had just received her learner's
permit. She offered to drive her parents. After a wild ride, they
finally reached their destination.
Miriam's parents got out of the car and her mother said, "Thank
you."
"Anytime," her daughter replied.
As the woman slammed the door, she said, "I wasn't talking to you.
I was talking to God!"
-<>-
.
/ \
/ . \
/ / \ \
/ / \ \
/ / \ \
/ / \ \
/ / WW \ \
/ / C_ "-.__ \ \
/ / "- "_ \ \
/ / //|--L-\\ \ \
/ / // |// \\ \ \
/ `-----------------' \
`-----------------------'
ctr
>SIGNS
1) A sign in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT S%X, FOR INSTANCE
MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED
WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
2) Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
3) Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
4) Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE
CHAMBERMAID.
5) At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE
IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
6) Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
7) Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
8) Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM,
PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
9) Sign in men's toilet in Japan:
TO STOP LEAK, TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT.
10) On the grounds of a private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION
-<>-
________________________
| ____ |
| | | _| _. |
| | | |_| | | |
| | | _ _ |
| __| |__ |_| |_| .-| |
| \ / | ' ~ |
| \ / _ _ |
| \ / `-. | |_| _|_ |
| \/ ~ + | | |
|________________________|
>The Redneck Challenge
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that
will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on
blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are
required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chain saw which operates at 2700 RPM. The
density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per
acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is
14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are
cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12
simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone
layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with
a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is
16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch
collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow
with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each
of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and
still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit
out front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a
steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given
average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the
probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area.
The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at
the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered
Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per
generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed
by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn'tya?
It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show
ya...There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learning don't
prepare ya for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE," here's some
southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece...
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop
and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home
with em.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit
Hong Kong's Noah's Ark
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/noahsark2.html
Moses And The Red Sea
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mosesredsea.html
Beautiful Siamese Fighting Fish
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/siamesefish.html
Force Of Lake Erie
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lakeerie.html
Sand Sculpture Art 5
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart5.html
Beautiful Starfish
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/starfish.html
Colorful Fish
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fish.html
Only In Australia
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australia.html
Beautiful Beaches In America
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beaches4.html
Beautiful Galapagos Islands
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/galapagos.html
Great White Shark
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html
Jellyfish Lake
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jellyfish.html
Ocean Exploration
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ocean.html
Oregon Aquarium
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oregon.html
Ricochet And Kids With SMA
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetsmakids.html
True Duck Tale
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/duck.html
True Fish Tale
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fishrescue.html
Underwater Life Of Eilat
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underwater.html
World's Largest Turtle Population
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/turtles.html
Kids With Dads
http://www.shangralas.com/kidswithdads.html
Moms and Dads Index
https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8
-<>-
The Cocktail Party | Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2U9F37VMwT4
Fonzi vs Mork.wmv
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46cG2foNwiU
Andy Kaufman on Van Dyke and Company Fonzie Look A Like Contest 1976
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddP9PbBLroQ
-<>-
>From Our Friend Fran :)
The Concert For Valor!
https://www.youtube.com/embed/7tyT4glkvBs
Food City Salute
https://www.youtube.com/embed/uoABty_zE00?rel=0
---
...Sweet! Thanks Fran!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Master magician Marc Paul performs the legendary "Berglas" card
miracle on the "Parkinson Show" (BBC). "Any Card at Any Number"
https://youtu.be/mdXIVQ-asqU
'The Twist' (1960) by the great Chubby Checker - including dance
clips from the early 60's along with movie and television scenes.
https://youtu.be/im9XuJJXylw
---
...Fun Ones! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
-Paula Poundstone
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a
support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they
meet at the bar."
-Drew Carey
"There's a new report that says more than half of American
workers didn't use all their vacation days last year.
They had them, they just didn't take them. So the people
who did the study asked why. Some said they did it to
impress their boss with their work ethic. The rest said,
I hate my family."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"The TSA is under fire for major security lapses. The
TSA has let through pipe bombs, knives, and the last
three Nicolas Cage movies."
-Conan O'Brien
"According to a new study, the recommendation that people
need eight glasses of water per day is a myth. I think we
figured that out when we never once drank eight glasses
of water and still survived."
-Seth Meyers
"People have been selling fake parking spaces. They charge
people to park in spots that they have no ownership of.
Here's a tip to avoid becoming a victim of this fraud. If
you find a parking space during the festival, it's a scam."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"A new study shows that young adults suffering from
insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that
information should help you finally get some sleep."
-Seth Meyers
"One of the winners of this year's Scripps National
Spelling Bee has an older brother who won the competition
in 2014. Or as their dad put it, 'I'm just going to throw
these baseball mitts away.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming in terror--like all
the passengers in his car."
I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it
was kind enough to put in some potato chips as well.
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
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FUN URLS
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
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NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
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-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
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Home Recipes
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