Reminds Me Of Sarah Palin ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo == <^\()/^> \/ \/ ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ jgs / \ `''` *~* WE NEED MORE 2009 CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2009 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) >We've got 2 Smokin' Hot New Pages! This first one comes from our friend PatH. Australia had a horribly hot and dry summer this year. During times like this the hardest hit our often our wild life. Mother nature can be very cruel to her own! We had a page about how koalas were being saved from the heat and dehydration... ___..._ _...___ /'--.._ `'-="""=-'` _..--'\ | ~. ) _ _ ( .~ | \ '~/ a _ a \~' / \ `| / \ |` / `'--\ \_/ /--'` .'._ J__.-'. / / '-/_ `- \ / -"-'-. '-.__/ \__,-.\/ | `\ / ;---. .--' | | /\'-' / jgs '.___.\ _.--;'`) '-' `" Koalas In A Heatwave http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas.html This continues with another cute story. Check it out here... .-""-._,-"""-,_.-""-. / .- , (.)_(.) , -. \ | (_ / -\_/- \ _) | '._.\ '.___. /._.' `'-.....-'` jgs ((() ())) Koalas In A Heatwave 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas2.html This next one is from a forward from our friend Viv. I thought it was pretty cool. See if you agree... ___ .--. [ATM] .----' '--. | '-()-----()-' | Origami Dollar Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dollarart.html *~* Thank You PatH And Viv for sharing these with us! Huggums! ============================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Who's The Best? __.__ .-' `-. :` . . . `: :.` `.` `.` `.: The Italian and the Polish parachutists \ \ / / were arguing about who was best at `\ \ / /' folding a parachute. Unable to resolve `\ Y /' their dispute on the ground, they decided `|' to go up in the plane and judge by the () mid-air performance of their chutes. --[]-- // jgs The Pole jumped first, pulled the cord, \\ and started floating toward the earth. `` The Italian jumped, pulled the cord - and nothing happened. He pulled the safety cord - nothing. In a matter of seconds he whizzed past the Pole, plummeting like a stone. "Oh," shouted the Pole, yanking off his harness, "so ya wanna race!" =================================================================== +------------------ Bizarre Town Names -------------------+ Horneytown, North Carolina Whynot, North Carolina Hicksville, Ohio Knockemstiff, Ohio Slaughterville, Oklahoma Idiotville, Oregon Virginville, Pennsylvania Sweet Lips, Tennessee Ding Dong, Texas Looneyville, Texas Butts, Virginia Imalone, Wisconsin Toad Suck, Texas Intercourse, Pennsylvania Unalaska, Alaska French Lick, Indiana ============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: _ __ _ __ _ __ (_|_ '. (_|_ '. (_|_ '. '-' '-' '-' _ _.-. _ _.-. _ _.-. _ _.-. jgs (_|__.' (_|__.' (_|__.' (_|__.' I had just moved into a new apartment and was having prob- lems with the mailman, who was delivering the previous tenant's mail to my address. Hoping to resolve the situation, I enlarged my name on the mailbox, but he still kept giving me the wrong letters. Finally, I left a note saying that he was delivering the mail incorrectly. The next day I went to the box to find this addition to my message: "Sir, I am delivering the mail correctly. You're just living at the wrong address." -<>- _ __|_\_ =u__.-.__) jgs /_/ As an airline reservation agent, I took a call from a man who wanted to book a flight for two but wasn't happy with the price of $59 per ticket. "I want the $49 fare I saw advertised," he insisted, saying he would accept a flight at any time. I managed to find two seats on a 6 a.m. flight. "I'll take it," he said, then worried his wife might not like the early hour. I warned there was a fee of $25 per person if he changed the reservation. "Oh, that's no problem," he said dismissively. "What's fifty bucks?" [Thanks to Reader's Digest.] -<>- The bride-to-be was advised by the marriage counselor to never completely disrobe in front of her husband when retiring, for decorum's sake. One night, six weeks after the wedding, the husband said to his bride, "Is there any insanity in your family?" "Why, no," she said. "Why do you ask?" "I was merely wondering," said he, "why you haven't taken .-.-. _ / \ _ / `\=====/` \ jgs '.__`---`__.' ````` your hat off since we've been married?" -<>- After many years of faithful duty with the US Forest Service, their beloved fire prevention mascot was unceremoniously "re- tired." Still in the prime of his life and bearing one of the world's most recognizable faces, he quickly found work as a spokesman for the world's leading exporter of diamonds. He's now working as "Smokey DeBeers." -<>- _ __|_\_ =u__.-.__) jgs /_/ When I was young I dreamed of being a test pilot. Flying higher, faster, farther. Risking my life for the science of aviation. But when I grew up I found out I wasn't qualified because of my poor eyesight. Now I work in a post office which gives me many of the same thrills. I'm always pushing the envelope! -<>- Robin Hood and his merry men were in Sherwood Forest celebrating and drinking. Friar Tuck started to sing louder and louder with each drink. Robin, fearing that the Sheriff's men might hear the band celebrate, dragged the friar into the woods and threw him in the river...but Tuck climbed out and continued singing without missing a note. The moral of the story? You can lead a drunk to water, but you cannot make him hoarse. ============================================================== == <^\()/^> \/ \/ jgs / \ `''` >-->From Our Friends at TruthOrTadition: Hello and God bless you! We have posted a Frequently Asked Question on our BiblicalUnitarian.com website. FAQ: If Jesus is a man then how can a man atone for the sins of mankind? It is common for those who believe in the Trinity (the belief in a "three-in-one" God), to argue that Christ must be God because "a man could not atone for the sins of mankind." Theologians through the ages have varied greatly in their opinions of exactly how Christ could accomplish redemption for fallen man, and these theological musings can be found in any good theological dictionary under the heading of "Atonement." However, a standard argument goes something like this: "Mankind has sinned against an infinite God, and therefore the sin is infinitely great. It takes an infinite being to atone for infinite sin, and the only infinite being is God. Therefore, since Christ atoned for sin, Christ must be God." This argument, which seems reasonable to some people, is man-made, and nothing like it can be found in Scripture. What can be found in Scripture is... To read the rest of this article, click here! http://www.biblicalunitarian.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=231 =============================================================== >-->From Newsmax - Health Alert Tips .\V/, ()_()_) (.(_)()_) (_(_).)' jgs `'"'` >The Vitamin D Cover-Up! Discover the Miracle Vitamin the Medical Establishment Has Taken from You! It Could Help Prevent Memory Loss, Parkinson's Disease, and Many Types of Cancer. With the best of intentions, the medical establishment has waged a 30-year propaganda campaign that has resulted in . . . Greatly increased incidences of fatal skin cancer . . . * An explosion in the number of children diagnosed with autism * The unexplained increase in Alzheimer's disease and Parkinson's disease * A greater sensitivity to toxins found in pesticides and herbicides * An increased likelihood to suffer from breast, colon, and prostate cancer * A virtual epidemic of autoimmune diseases, including multiple sclerosis, irritable bowel disease, rheumatoid arthritis, and diabetes * Even a worrisome increase in flu outbreaks. Here's the scoop: http://w3.newsmax.com/blaylock/51b.cfm?s=al&promo_code=842A-1 -<>- .-I---------.="=.------------. <==I ( > ) - - - - > Time To Quit Using Cell Phones? jgs '-I---------'=,='------------' >Cell Phones Risk Your Health in Multi-Tasked Ways Cell-phone use puts the lives of millions of Americans — and perhaps billions worldwide — at risk in a variety of ways, from cancer to road safety. Although some dispute findings of a variety of studies, here are nine ways cell phones might influence your health: 1) Brain tumors. Although the Food and Drug Administration says cell phones aren’t a cancer risk, some experts point to research that indicates a link between cell phones and three types of tumors: glioma (the type Senator Kennedy has); cancer of a salivary gland near the ear called the parotid; and acoustic neuroma, which is a tumor found near the ear. An Israeli study found a 58 percent increase in risk for parotid tumors among people who relied heavily on their cell phones. And a Swedish study found the risk for glioma and acoustic neuroma doubled after ten years of heavy use. 2) Fertility. A study found that men who used cell phones for an hour a day had lower sperm quality, and those who use their cell phones for more than four hours a day had the lowest quality of sperm. 3) Insomnia. A recent study found that talking on a cell phone for 30 minutes doubled the time it took for a person to fall asleep. _____________ ....-''``'._ _________) ,_ '-.___) `'-._)_) jgs -----'``"-,__(__) 4) Blackberry Thumb. Sending too many texts can cause sore thumbs. 5) Mobile Phone Dermatitis. Some cell phones contain nickel, a common allergen that can cause a red, itchy rash. 6) The Dirty Doctor. Studies showed that 94.5 percent of doctors’ cell phones were contaminated by at least one type of bacteria, including MRSA “superbugs” — those resistant to antibiotics. .-. (0.0) '=.|m|.=' jgs .='`"``=. 7) Driving Hazards. Researchers have found that talking on a cell phone — or even just listening — reduced brain activity that should have been focused on driving by 37 percent. Hands-free devices don’t help. Using a cell phone increases the odds of having an accident by 400 percent, studies show. 8) Talking and walking. Children not only are more likely to be injured crossing the street if they’re talking on a cell phone but also more likely to be hurt in other ways. A 15-year-old recently fell into an open manhole cover while texting. 9) Hearing. Millions of people store their favorite music on their mobile phones. Some MP3-enabled devices are capable of an ear-bursting 100 decibels, the same range as blenders, power mowers, and motorcycles. _ _ ~0 (_| . - ' - . _ . - ' - . _ . - ' - . |_) O |(_~|^~~| |~~^|~_)| TT/_ T"T T"T _\HH jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 10) In summary - Just Use Your Computer! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Viv :) ________ h___ __ __ _____ ___ | | | L|_ _/ L\__ _| L\__ | L\_ _/ L\__ | |_| | '-o---o-' '-o---o-' '-O---O-' '=o----o-' '-OO----`OO----O-' ^jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >From The London Times: A Well-Planned Retirement Outside England's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were £1 for cars ($1.40), £5 for busses (about $7). Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the Zoo Management called the City Council and asked it to send them another parking agent. The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoo's own responsibility. The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee. The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payrole. Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain (or some such scenario), is a man who'd apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own; and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars! ..... And no one even knows his name. --- ...Wowsers! Thank You Viv! You know the big kicker to this story? A P R I L F O O L S!! A portion of this story got published back in 2007 in the Bristol Evening News as part of hoaxes and April Fools Day! http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/carpark.asp TeeHee! Gotta love it! What a great story! ================================================================== >-->In The Wordly News :) >[Politics] From Our Friend Sandi :) Sorry, We're Exempt + + + .-"-. .-:-. .-"-. / RIP \ / RIP \ / RIP \ | | | | | | jgs \\ ___|// \\\ ___|// \\\ ___|// YOU'RE NOT! Not time to waste. Write your congressperson and Senators. FINALLY...THE $50,000 QUESTION WAS ASKED!!!!!.....YESTERDAY ON THE "ABC..OBAMA SPECIAL ON HEALTH CARE"......OBAMA WAS ASKED, "MR. PRESIDENT WILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GIVE UP YOUR CURRENT HEALTH CARE PROGRAM AND JOIN THE NEW "UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE PROGRAM" THAT THE REST OF US WILL BE ON ????......OBAMA IGNORED THE QUESTION AND DIDN'T ANSWER IT!!!.....A NUMBER OF SENATORS WERE ASKED THE SAME QUESTION AND THEIR RESPONSE WAS...WE WILL THINK ABOUT IT!!!! IT WAS ALSO ANNOUNCED TODAY ON THE NEWS THAT THE "KENNEDY HEALTH CARE BILL"....HAS WRITTEN INTO IT THAT CONGRESS WILL BE (FROM THIS GREAT HEALTH CARE PLAN)?.EXEMPT!!!!! HOW ABOUT THOSE APPLES.....NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR OBAMA OR CONGRESS......BUT "OK" FOR THE REST OF US???????? WE....THE AMERICANS NEED TO STOP THIS ...ASAP!!!! AND REVOLT...THIS IS WRONG!!!!! _____________ |--|"'"'"'"'"'"'"|-.___________ WE'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT! jgs |--|_____________|-' IF YOU AGREE PLEASE PASS THIS ON....AND "REVOLT"!!! IF NOT PLAN TO SUFFER (WITH THE OBAMA HEALTH CARE PLAN) WHILE OUR POLITICIANS TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES................... --- ...Thanks Sandi! True I heard Pres. Obama say THEY have excellent health care already. -<>- >From BizarreNews: _ /_/_ .'''. =O(_)))) ...' `. jgs \_\ `. .''' `..' -- About 250,000 bees removed from home ------------ MIAMI - A suburban Miami woman said a bee removal special- ist destroyed about 250,000 bees inside the walls of her home. Mary Olarte of Miami Shores said she was not concern- ed when dead bees began appearing outside of her house but she was shocked when a contractor discovered three thriving hives within the walls of her home, the Miami Herald report- ed Thursday. Willie Sklaroff, proprietor of bee removal service Willie the Bee Man, said all of the bees were destroyed Tuesday due to fears they may have been African- ized honeybees, also known as killer bees. However, analysis of the bees after they were killed with pesticides indicates they were not Africanized, the Herald reported. Olarte said she collected more than 100 pounds of honey and wax from the now-vacated hives in her walls. "I have lots of friends," she said, and "everyone wants to try some." -- Manager loses job over wife's profession --------- FORT MYERS BEACH, Fla. - A Florida town fired its manager after learning the woman he married less than a year ago was an adult video actress, officials say. The town council of Fort Myers Beach voted unanimously to terminate the contract of manager Scott Janke, 55, and then held a meet- ing Wednesday night to explain the move to residents, the Fort Myers (Fla.) New-Press reports. "I'm very puzzled about the need for emergency action since our manager has been married since October," said resident Pat Smith. "What I don't also understand is why it matters so much what the spouse is doing so long as it's legal." Janke's wife, who acts under the screen name Jazelle Moore, refers to herself as a "priestess of the erotic arts" on her Web site. The town council says her profession brings an inappropriate and negative image to a place that prides itself on being family-friendly. -- Stolen trailers contained $70,000 in beer --------- TAMPA, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said thieves stole two tractor trailers loaded with approximately $70,000 worth of beer. Investigators said employees of K&N Trucking in Tampa discovered the trucks missing at about 7 a.m. Tuesday, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported Thursday. One of the trailers contained 1,260 six-packs of Corona Extra while the other carried 990 six packs of the brand as well as 990 cases of Modelo Especial. The cabs of the trucks were found abandoned at about 5 p.m. Tuesday in a vacant lot. The thieves, the trailer and the beer remained missing, police said. ) ( ( ) ( ) ( ) ) ( ) ( /^\ /^\ /^\ /^\ /^\ /^\ jgs (_K_) (_I_) (_S_) (_S_) (_E_) (_S_) -- Young love rekindled after 85 years ----------- ARLINGTON HEIGHTS, Ill. - A 93-year-old Illinois man says he is marrying his third-grade sweetheart after 85 years apart. Roland "Mac" McKitrick, 93, of Arlington Heights, proposed to Lorraine Beatty, 92, of Georgia, Tuesday, about three years after they reconnected following an 85- year interruption in their friendship, the Arlington Heights Daily Herald reported. "She was my third-grade sweetheart back in 1921," McKitrick said. "We knew each other for about one year. Then, for all practical purposes, we lost contact for 85 years." But McKitrick said both he and Beatty had brothers living in Connecticut who became friends, and the two reunited through their brothers. "I still picture her as my third-grade sweetheart. I've carried that in the back of my mind since that time," McKitrick said. He said he still has a photograph of him- self with Beatty taken when they were children. "That snapshot stayed in my memory," he said, "and her face stayed in my memory." ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :) ,@@@@@@, ,@@@@@""@@, @@@@@ 6.6\@ @@@C _-_)@ '@@@) (@@' >Sister Life is too short to wake up with regrets.. So love the people who treat you right. Love the ones who don't just because you can. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly. Forgive quickly. God never said life would be easy. He just promised it would be worth it. Girlfriend and Sister's Week I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hair spray I use and the friends I have. To the cool women that have touched my life. Here's to you! National Girlfriends Day What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants and shopping, lunching, and traveling girls? TO MY GIRLFRIENDS! If you get this twice you know you have more than one girlfriend. Be Happy! PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS \_| __ \_/__\ .--=='/~\ ____,__/__,_____,______)/ /{~}}} -,------,----,-----,---,\'--' {{~}} jgs '--==.\}/ It 's good to be a woman: --- ...A Sweet One! Thank You Jo Ann! Wow! Scary I don't drink coffee or use hairspray! Thank Goodness I have friends any way!!! ;) ================================================================ >-->From Laugh&Lift: .-""-. /) (\ ,;;;, ( ' \' ) // \\\\ \ = / ( ' ' ) jgs )--( \_=_/ >"I Do That for You" (By Adele Gribble) I had taken a day off from work to get things done around home and to run much needed errands. One of the errands was to vacuum my minivan that had started to look like a very dirty playroom with McDonald's wrappers and other stuff. I stopped at the local car wash and noticed that the water was being drained into a big tanker so the car wash was not in operation but I was still able to vacuum. Only while throwing out all the trash from the floor did I realize that the place was pretty deserted and here I was, a woman alone, with all her doors open, the keys in the ignition and the radio blaring with Christian music. An uneasy feeling came over me when I saw a rather large man making his way over to my van. I quickly prayed, "God please protect me." "I do that for you." the man said. He was about 6'5" and about 270 pounds. His speech was slurred. He wanted to clean my car for me and I was scared. "No, thanks but I can do it." I replied. "No, I do it, you're a woman, I'm a man. I will do it." "God, please protect me, I'm scared and I don't know what this man wants." Right after I prayed, the man started walking to the back of my minivan. He paused and then said to me, "Are you a Christian?" "Yes." I replied. His face lit up like a birthday cake! "Me too!" He then proceeded to show me a hole under his rib cage. A bullet wound. He said that he had been on his way to Hell when he felt Jesus pulling him back. From what I could make out (because I finally figured out that he was brain-damaged), he was not walking with God before his fight. He was hit in the head and shot. He said he saw Jesus and He grabbed his hand and [Jesus] pulled him back. He was so glad that he was given a second chance to live for Christ. What a testimony. This man was brain-damaged and yet he was filled with tremendous joy because he could live his life for Christ! I was so relieved that God had given me a sign that everything was okay. The man worked side-by-side with me for about 10 minutes and left as quickly as he came. I learned to not judge people by their appearance. _....._ .' `'-. / (- J-E-S-U-S ->< '._ _,.-' \ jgs ````` (1 Samuel 16:7 NKJV) "But the LORD said to Samuel, 'Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.'" -<>- ,.----------. ((| | .--\ /--. '._ '========' _.' jgs `""""""""""""` >The Laugh: 20 REAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES 1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies 2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say 3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case 5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 6. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands 7. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids 8. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead 9. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told 10. Miners Refuse to Work After Death 11. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 12. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter 13. War Dims Hope for Peace 14. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While 15. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide 16. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge 17. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 18. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space 19. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 20. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ============================================================== >-->No Joke About It - A Good Marriage is #1 For Good Health! >From Newsmax Health: ~O /|\ ~o/ | \o ~o/ _o /| |\ |\ /| |\ jgs / \ |// > / \ / > >Getting Married — and Staying Married = Good for Health A stable, long-term marriage can be good for your health, but divorce or widowhood leaves a lasting scar on the health of middle-aged and older people, according to a new study. Remarriage seems to reduce but not erase the damage from losing a marriage, and those who remain single after a marriage ends show consistently worse health than those who remarried. People who have never married are disadvantaged on some measures of health, compared with the divorced or widowed, but do better on others, the researchers found. “We argue that losing a marriage through divorce or widowhood is extremely stressful and that a high-stress period takes a toll on health,” said study co-author Linda Waite, director of the Center on Aging at the University of Chicago. “Think of health as money in the bank. Think of a marriage as a mechanism for ‘saving’ or adding to health. Think of divorce as a period of very high expenditures.” The study looked at four key aspects of midlife health: chronic conditions, mobility limitations, self-rated health, and depressive symptoms. A significant disruption in marital stability, such as divorce or spousal death, often has a prolonged impact, negatively affecting all four areas, said Waite, who also is the Lucy Flower Professor of Sociology at the university. The researchers drew data from the Health and Retirement Study, a nationally representative, longitudinal study that looked at individuals 50 and above. They analyzed data from 8,652 white, black, and Hispanic people between the ages of 51 and 61. The study appears in the September issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior. “While the saying goes, ‘Better to have loved and lost,’ multiple divorces create multiple prolonged stressful conditions and undermine personal empowerment — far worse than never marrying,” said stress-management specialist Debbie Mandel. “A good marriage is like making deposits in your health savings account for midlife and the golden years.” =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatH :) .=. //"\\ (/6 6\) )\ = /( jgs (_ ) ( _) A blonde said, 'I was worried that my Mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid..' --- ...TeeHee! A Classic! Thank You PatH! =============================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: \ ' / ~, .-. ^^ /| -= ( ) =- ^^ ~^~ /_|\ ^~~-~^~^~-=~=~=-~^~^~^-~^~^~^~ jgs~^~ ~^~^ ~-~^~~-~^~^~-=^~~^-~^~^~^-~^~^~^~ >Fathers Of 1900 vs Fathers Today -------------------------------------------------- In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English. In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home. In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived. Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, how to work the digital camera. In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle. In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business. Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR. In 1900, fathers pined for old the country (Romania, Italy, etc.). Today, fathers pine for old country Hank Williams. In 1900, fathers shook their children awake and said, "Wake up, it's time to do the milking and chores before school." Today, kids shake their fathers awake at 4 a.m. shouting, "Wake up, it's time for hockey practice." In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table. Today, a father comes home to a note. "Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at gymnastics, I'm at gym, Pizza in fridge." In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream. Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE.." In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles. Today, a father spends $800 at Toys 'R' Us, and the kid screams, "I wanted PlayStation!" -<>- As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step. Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically: "Do you know they are all out of step except you?" "What?" asked the recruit innocently. "I said -- they are all out of step except you!" thundered the sergeant. The recruit replied, "Well, sarge, you're in charge -- you tell them!" -<>- The Plea Working for a Judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful. To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce. As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are 28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor." His attorney advised him to plead guilty. -<>- == <^\()/^> \/ \/ jgs / \ `''` >THE LORD'S BASEBALL GAME Freddy and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team. The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the 9th inning with two outs. They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate whose name was Love. Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single, because Love never fails. The next batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faith works with Love. The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch. Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass: Ball one. Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom walked, because Godly Wisdom never swings at what Satan throws. The bases were now loaded. The Lord then turned to Freddy and told him He was now going to bring in His star player. Up to the plate stepped Grace. Freddy said, "He sure doesn't look like much!" (_)L|J ) (") | ( ,(. A `/ \-| (,`) )' (' \/\ / | ) (. jgs (' ),). _W_ | (,)' ) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace. Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch. To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen. But Satan was not worried; his center fielder let very few get by. He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing on the ground; then it continued over the fence for a home run! The Lord's team won! The Lord then asked Freddy if he knew why Love, Faith, and Godly Wisdom could get on base but could not win the game. Freddy answered that he did not know why. The Lord explained, "If your love, faith, and wisdom had won the game you would think you had done it by yourself. Love, Faith and Wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you Home. --- Williams Phoebe -<>- \~~~/ ' . \_/ \~~~/ | \_/ __|__ | jgs __|__ >DRUNK TALK Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk: Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon. Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk: Specificity; Cogito ergo sum; British; Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder; Loquacious; Transubstantiate. Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk: Thanks, but I don't want to have a lap dance; Nope, no more booze for me; Sorry, but you're not really my type; Good evening, officer, isn't it lovely out tonight? Oh, I just couldn't, no one wants to hear me sing! -<>- : '. _ .' -= (~) =- .' # '. New Medications for Women Only: DAMNITOL Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours. ST. MOMMA'S WORT Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. EMPTYNESTROGEN Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. PEPTOBIMBO Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting. DUMBEROL When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country western music. PENISCILLIN Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as,"You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?" BUYAGRA Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura. JACKASSPIRIN Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number. ANTI-TALKSIDENT A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers. SEXCEDRIN More effective than Excedrin in creating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome. NAGAMENT When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself. -<>- .( * . .* . ) . . . POOF .* . '* . ( .) ' ` ( . * >WORDS WOMEN USE FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. NOTHING This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine" GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! ) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine" GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing" SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow." GO AHEAD. At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay" THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint! Just say you're welcomed. THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing" Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology. And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh! --- "L." -<>- _\/_ | _\/_ /o\\ \ / //o\ | .-'-. | _|_______ -- / \ -- ______|__ jgs `~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~` >Bob Hope Classics! Bob Hope passed on this year. Here is a tribute to him and his humor. ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill". ON TURNING 80 "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing." ON TURNING 90 "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." ON TURNING 100 "I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap." ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING "I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them." ON SAILORS "They spend the first six days of each week sowing their wild oats, then they go to church on Sunday and pray for crop failure." ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR "Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'." ON GOLF "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees." ON PRESIDENTS "I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six." ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOW BIZ FOR HIS CAREER "When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'." ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it." ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother." ON HIS SIX BROTHERS "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom." ON HIS EARLY FAILURES "I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me." ON GOING TO HEAVEN "I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality." >From Divine Humor =============================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: O ~O <|\ /|\ | ~o/ | \o ~o/ _o |\ /| |\ |\ /| |\ jgs / | / \ |// > / \ / > Favorite Flower? While attending a marriage seminar on communication, our pastor and his wife listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. He addressed the men, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" The Pastor leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered knowingly, "Pillsbury All-purpose, isn't it?" -<>- -=[ igloo ]=- 11/99 _..-.._ * * .'_/ _ \_'. /_ _| __|_ _\___ * | _ |_ _| _ | /\ jgs |___|___J___|__\/ --- ...This Next one Reminds Me of Sarah Palin :) >Choose This Day I went to buy some face cream the other day and found the store was out of my usual brand. I thought it should be easy enough to pick a different one - there were tons of them. But all the rows of choices created a new problem. Which to choose, which to choose? Did I want anti-aging or wrinkle-fighting? (Shouldn't I have both?) Did I want daytime or night formula? (I guess I would need to decide at what time of day I would rather shrivel up.) Should I choose aloe or Vitamin E? Cream or lotion? Paper or plastic? All of life is full of choices. I've been thinking about elections, for instance. I'm reminded that every year we make another set of choices. Vote for him? How about her? Sometimes it's confusing. And it rarely produces smoother, more supple skin. As a matter of fact, it can even cause those painfully bothersome worry lines in some folks--usually the people involved in the campaigning, bless their hearts (Did anyone else notice it's called "cam-PAIN-ing"?). Still, despite the wrinkle potential, we celebrate the fact that we get to choose. What a wonderful privilege and awesome responsibility. Even in our spiritual lives, God has granted us the amazing privilege of choice. Will we serve him? Will we serve worldly objectives? Will we serve ourselves? Joshua 24:15 says: "But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." The choice is ours. Let's not blow it. Let's roll up our sleeves. Let's make wise choices regarding who serves in government leadership. Let's be even more cautious how we choose who gets our heart service. Deuteronomy 13:4 says, "It is the LORD your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him. (NIV) Joshua gave the people the choice whether to serve worldliness of the past, sinful desires of the present or the God of all time. The people were free to choose, but "not deciding" was not an option. To choose any way other than God's way was to choose self. It's the same for us. Joshua made the right choice. He chose to serve the Lord. As a matter of fact, he chose wisely for his entire household. I want to make wise choices as well - in all the big areas and in the small ones too. Thankfully, he allows me to serve, wrinkles and all. As for my face cream, I ended up choosing a drum of the anti-aging, wrinkle-fighting, aloe and Vitamin E fortified, 24-hour long-lasting creamy lotion formula. Alas, now I think I might be too young to vote. == Contributed by Rhonda Rhea (rrhea@juno.com) Rhonda Rhea writes for dozens of great Christian publications and speaks at conferences and events across the country. You can find her new book, Amusing Grace, at your local Christian bookstore. Rhonda's husband, Richie Rhea, is a pastor in Troy, Missouri. You can reach them through her website at www.rhondarhea.net --- ()-() .-(___)-. Here's Your FROG _< >_ jgs \/ \/ ...Why does this remind me of Palin you might ask? Simple. She went through the camPAINing and recently made the hard choice of stepping down from her governing position to serve the people of Alaska and herself better. She didn't want to just sit there and do nothing and cost the tax payers bunches of money because of those who only wanted to vex her and be a thorn in her flesh. So she stepped down. Today was her last day. =============================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) Wild Bear Farm http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildbearfarm.html Zoo Animals http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/zoo.html amazing Cop Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars.html Cool Hot Air Balloons! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hotair.html Matchstick Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/matchstick.html -<>- >Visit These To Help Increase Traffic To Shangrala: Cindy's Travels: Flooded Kingdom http://tinyurl.com/lmuo6u Western Shoot Out http://tinyurl.com/noeayt Rabbit Hunting http://tinyurl.com/kr95tb Elephant Whales http://tinyurl.com/lqt42j -<>- >From Our Friend Maxy's Pal :) FPR BIRD LOVERS. THIS IS INFORMATIVE AND FUN http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/31787143/ns/today_home_and_garden/ --- ...Fun One! Thank You Maxy's Pal! -<>- >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) Testimony of Faith http://xrl.in/2s8x Carpool Community http://tinyurl.com/d9ok8c Eco-friendly Umbrella http://xrl.in/2rsi FREE BIBLE EMAIL http://xrl.in/2rsf Digital Camera for Kids http://xrl.in/2rsh Keep a Baby Journal Online http://www.kidmondo.com/ Frozen Bubble http://tinyurl.com/j6zb3 --- ...Wonderful! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Doggie Zone http://www.homesteadpoodles.com/humor.html Kitty Korner http://www.absolutelycats.com/ Deano http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdjdh.htm Decoy http://www.buffaloschips.com/hsjs.htm Deep Tissue massage http://www.buffaloschips.com/hsgs.htm Deer Hunting With a Bird http://www.buffaloschips.com/hsjk.htm Deer Jumps Over Bike http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdhd.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ======================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. -H L Mencken Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits. - Robert Louis Stephenson Only one thing is certain - that is, nothing is certain. If this statement is true, it is also false. (Ancient Paradox) Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. -Will Rogers There is nothing more requisite in business than dispatch. -Joseph Addison There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action. -Goethe A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so ew engage in it. - Henry Ford If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking. -George Patton Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness. -Cullen Hightower Planning without action is futile; action without planning is fatal. -Unknown A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. -Mitch Ratliffe ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOOUSE :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR Send a BLANK email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************