Rock On & More ... :) Shangy! >-->WELCOME To ALL Our NEW SHANGY FUN LIST Yahoo Group Members! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) I've been rather busy over the weekend, getting two new 'HOT OFF THE SHANGY PRESS' pages done for you. These come from the thoughtful sharing of our friend Steve... The first is an amazing Bear Rescue from a bridge... Visit here for the story complete with pictures! .--. .--. : (\ ". _......_ ." /) : '. ` ` .' /' _ _ `\ / 0} {0 \ | / \ | | /' `\ | \ | . .==. . | / '._ \.' \__/ './ _.' jgs / ``'._-''-_.'`` \ `--` Bear Rescue: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue.html Bear Rescue The next one is full of darling costumes just in time to celebrate October 1st! ,, ,, ,\\//, ,\\//, ,\\\///, ,, ,\\\///, \\\\//// ,\\//, \\\\//// \\\/// ,\\\///, \\\/// ###### \\\\//// ###### ////\\\\ \\\/// ////\\\\ /////\\\\\###### /////\\\\\//////\\\\////\\\\ //////\\\\\\/,///\\\/////\\\\\ //////_?_\\\\(_) //////\\\\\\, .'`---`'. _j_///////\\\\\(_) /.'a a \.'`---`'. |: ^ /.'d\ /b \ \' www |: ^ | '._____.'\' VVV / jgs '._____.' Tricks For Treats: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats.html Tricks For Treats --- ...Thanks Steve - you help make our world more fun! -<>- Since I started this new dot com web site almost a year ago, I have wanted to get the Bible Study teachings I have available put up so all may enjoy them. I am proud to announce that I started working on these this week end. I will let you view the first of many to come: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | Bible Study Teachings | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' BibleStudy: Abraham http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/abraham.html If you have any comments or suggestions for changes to the page, please let me know as I will be doing up a couple dozen of these teachings using this style and format. Thanks :) =================================================================== >-->An Et-Ahem!! - From The FunnyBone: A Visit To The IRS A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper." .---. Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got \_/ the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate / \ you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie." |\\ | | \\| Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the |\ \| conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of |\\ | the dilemma. | \\| |\ \| "Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A |\\ | woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to | \\| wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, \_/ jgs flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel. The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?" "No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed." ====================================================================== +---------- Bizarre Origins of Rock Band Names ------------+ ,---. .--. ( . ) ( . ) `/--___ __`--`. ,. _'| |___||___| _|`. (-./_,|-,,' `.' |\ ` __`-`-'|// `:. \,|' -- - --- |\ | ||| ` | | -- | \ _|_|\\ jrei / | - _ \ \ ,-'-.`._____,',-'-. ______________ `[]\ .\____________________ |`.____________`. || \`| .::' ._ | |_''_o_o__o =.| || \|_________________ | | ,--. ,--. : _ || | |( () ) ( () )|: \`::') --- __ `.|_`-_'___`-_'_|`. / :: \ - _ - : \___:/ _ - - `--..___) The Bay City Rollers: Came up with their name by sticking a pin in a map of the world. It landed on Bay City, Michigan. Buffalo Springfield: Members of the group were stumped for a name. A member of the band was looking out their manager's window at a construction site in Hollywood, when he spotted a steamroller with the brand name "Buffalo Springfield." Iron Maiden: A medieval torture device. Jethro Tull: Named after the 18th century British inventor of the seed drill. Pink Floyd: An amalgam of two American blues artists, Pink Anderson and Floyd Council. Steely Dan: Based on the name of a dildo in William Burrough's novel, The Naked Lunch. Three Dog Night: It is a practice of Australian aborigines to sleep with three dogs on particularly cold nights. UB40: Named after the British unemployment benefit form. The Velvet Underground: Lou Reed lifted the name from a title of a cheap paperback novel. ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Tony :) \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ Mike Hertz >The Black Patch: This is one to look at. I am not about getting a wish granted or good fortune for forwarding an email but I do think these wonderful men and women need our prayers and thanks. Look at the black patch under the U.S. flag... The patch says "Doing the work of" The flags are France, Germany, and Russia. This SHOULD be on the front cover of Time, Newsweek, etc. Let's you and I "put it there" by forwarding this all around the world! Repeats or not...I'm not breaking this one... --- ...Thanks Tony! Pictures sent in this forward I already have here: [The last picture is the Black Patch one] Humor With The Troops http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humor.html Humor Daily With The Troops http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/daily.html Daily ---> PLEASE PASS THIS ON!! <--- ================================================================ >-->From The Jokester: >Amazing Longevity" A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" .'"". c' )"/ __> /_ .-`_ ._'-. ( -' \ :/ )/ \\._| ( // '-/) \(, "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'" "Twenty-six!" he said. -<>- >Aging With A Smile ,--. ,--. ( O ) ( O ) `--' \ `--' \ _ >-. / /| `-.__.' Krogg Any woman can have the body of a 26-year-old as long as she buys him a few drinks first. My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it. I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose some parts of my body are just prone to swinging. It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. I think I've reached my sexpiration date. The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our tops. The bad news is they have to squat down first. These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief." I wear a "Wonder Where They Went" bra. I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age. But they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty." Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat buffet. What should be hot is cold. What should be firm is limp, and the buns are bigger than anything else on the menu. Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches. Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita. See This Joke & Matching Picture at: www.TheJokester.net =============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From CC.org: Please sign our petition and join the Faith & Family Television Task Force at http://www.cc.org/taskforce.cfm Task Force encourage your family, friends and church friends to also sign the petition at our website join the Christian Coalition’s Judicial Task Force, which is dedicated to ending the obstruction of the President's judicial nominees and ensuring that they ALL receive a fair "up or down" vote by the full Senate. There are a number of President Bush's Circuit Court of Appeals' nominees who have not yet received a Senate floor vote. The challenge to confirm President Bush's nominees in a Democrat-controlled Senate will be very difficult and we need your help in doing just that. You will become part of a team of individuals who are committed to being ready on a moment’s notice to take action when obstruction occurs. Please keep the above issues in prayer. Through prayer and action great and mighty things can be accomplished. Psalm 33:12 “Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord…” Please be sure to forward this message on to as many people as possible! -<>- >From BizarreNews: _____ / \/_ //\__(\_\ |\ ^ ^ | .//_O \O_ \ \_ (_) / Whoops! \ \_/ / __/\ /\__ / \ \ / / \ / \/\/\/ \ / | . | \ / | . | \ JRO -- Man texts wife, not lover ------------ MELBOURNE - Text to self: When having an affair, make sure to text your girlfriend, not your wife as one Australian Lothario recently did. Serial lover Shane Warne swore to his wife -- with whom he was trying to reconcile -- that he would end his extramarital flings, but was caught red- thumbed when he mistakenly sent a cell-phone text message meant for his latest lady-friend to his wife, the Daily Mail reported Monday. Simone Warne had agreed in December to take back Warne after he courted her for several months in hopes of reconciling following their divorce after 10 years of marriage. Sending the text message from his home in Britain, Warne wrote, "Hey beautiful, I'm just talking to my kids, the back door's open." When his wife's cell phone beeped at her home in Melbourne, she had the evidence that he'd been cheating on her again, the British newspaper reported. Her reply was succinct: "You loser, you sent the message to the wrong person." "I'm absolutely devastated," she says. "But it was the wake-up call I needed." -- Show goes on after TV emcee gets sick --------- STOCKHOLM, Sweden - While some may say television fare could be sickening, one Swedish TV host threw up on air because of biology. Presenter Eva Nazemson was emceeing a late-night, phone-in game show when she was suddenly hit by an unexpected bout of nausea, The Local reported Monday. After asking a caller to solve a word puzzle, she turned her head to one side and vomited. "It came as a bit of a shock," she said. The caller cut short his answer as the hostess stepped away for a quick break. When she came back on camera to take his complete answer, he, unfortunate- ly offered the wrong answer. "OK, I just have to explain something here: I'm having period pains. Absolutely any- thing can happen during a live broadcast," she explained to viewers, then worked for another two hours before her shift ended. __ /\/'-, ,--''''' /" Dance with me! ____,'. ) \___ '"""""------'"""`-----' pb -- Dogs, handlers take a spin on dance floor ------- MILWAUKEE - Dogs can disco, waltz and keep a Latin beat as they shake their booty on the dance floor in an activity gaining popularity across the United States. And there are seminars to teach your pooch the proper dance moves. "Dancers with Woofs K9 Freestyle Dance Camp," reportedly the first of its kind in the Milwaukee area, was a three-day seminar in which handlers and their dogs learned how to give Fred and Ginger paws on the dance floor, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported. Dancing with Fido is no joke. Dogs, responding to verbal or hand commands, perform dance moves set to music. Enthusiasts in 1999 organized the World Canine Freestyle Organization, in which judges score freestyle dancing's creative and artistic endeavors similar to an Olympic competition. Cheryle Homuth, 56, an emergency room nurse from Woodstock, Ill., said her 6-year-old border collie, Holly, loves Latin music and country music and is responsible for about 40 percent of the choreography. "She'll throw in special moves she knows she'll get applause for," Homuth told the Journal Sentinel. "People don't realize the potential of their dog until they start doing freestyle." =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Steve :) Of course I had to grab this one and pass it on. http://vooba.com/entry/17034/squirrels-obstacle-course/ -<>- >Good Advice - Good Stuff, Lotus Totus, and so on... , _( _,\ /( \)/ _ \/ )_/(_ /|,_ /( `-' _\ \_ |/ \ ) __ ,,_ _| ( ( 9`> < 6 ) _ __ \_ \__) (__,) (_ )' / \_ _) \-/ / `-,(_ `--'Z /`\_ `,___,/ /(__,/ _))/ mic / \((_ /`/` / |\`\ `-^-' One: Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. Two: Marry a man / woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. Three: Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. Four: When you say, "I love you," mean it. Five: When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye. Six: Be engaged at least six months before you get married. Seven: Believe in love at first sight. Eight: Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much. Nine: Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. Ten: In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. Eleven: Don't judge people by their relatives. Twelve: Talk slowly but think quickly. Thirteen: When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" Fourteen: Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. Fifteen: Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. Sixteen: When you lose, don't lose the lesson. Seventeen: Remember the three Rs: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions. Eighteen: Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. Nineteen: When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. Twenty: Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. Twenty-One: Spend some time alone. -<>- >More Tips: Something to Ponder .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000 B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000 C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services. Now think about this: _ __________=__ \\@([____]_____() _/\|-[____] / /(( ) /____|'----' \____/ unknown Guns: A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. (Yes, that's 80 million...) B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500. C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188 Statistics courtesy of the FBI So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do." FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR. Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!! Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld the statistics on |||||||||||||| = \ , = | _= ___/ / _\ (o)\ | | \ _ \ | |/ (____) \__/ / | / / ___) / \ \ _) ) \ \ / ( \/ \ \_________/ |\_________________,_ ) \/ \ / | ==== _______)__) \/ \ / __/___ ====_/ \/ \ / (O____)\\_(_/ (O_ ____) (O____) LAWYERS for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention! --- ...TeeHee! -<>- _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; DID YOU KNOW? As you walk up the steps to the building which houses the U.S Supreme Court you can see near the top of the building a row of the world's law givers and each one is facing one in the middle who is facing forward with a full frontal view .. it is Moses and he is holding the Ten Commandments! DID YOU KNOW? As you enter the Supreme Court courtroom, the two huge oak doors have the Ten Commandments engraved on each lower portion of each door. DID YOU KNOW? As you sit inside the courtroom, you can see the wall, right above where the Supreme Court judges sit, a display of the Ten Commandments! DID YOU KNOW? There are Bible verses etched in stone all over the Federal Buildings and Monuments in Washington, D.C. DID YOU KNOW? James Madison, the fourth president, known as 'The Father of Our Constitution' made the following statement: 'We have staked the whole of all our political institutions upon the capacity of mankind for self-government, upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God.' DID YOU KNOW? Patrick Henry, that patriot and Founding Father of our country said: 'It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians, not on religions but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ'. DID YOU KNOW? Every session of Congress begins with a prayer by a paid preacher, whose salary has been paid by the taxpayer since 1777. DID YOU KNOW? Thomas Jefferson worried that the Courts would overstep their authority and instead of interpreting the law would begin making law . an oligarchy ...........the rule of few over many. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How, then, have we gotten to the point that everything we have done for 220 years in this country is now suddenly wrong and unconstitutional? --- ...Yeah! Thanks Steve! ======================================================================= >-->From The Mouth: _ , (_\______/________ \-|-|/|-|-|-|-|/ \==/-|-|-|-|-/ \/|-|-|-|,-' \--|-''' \_j________ (_) (_) hjw CUSTOMER'S GUIDE TO SUPERMARKET SHOPPING 1. When in the express lane, make sure that all items are rung up and bagged before you start looking for your check- book. Then, after you make a futile search for your pen, borrow one from the clerk and make sure your checkbook is balanced before giving up the check. 2. Never get into the 10-Items-or-Less line with less than 12 items. IT'S THE LAW!!! 3. When in the 10-Items-or-Less line and you have your 12 to 20 items, always ask the clerk if it's okay. That way, if he says "yes," then the people behind you will get mad at HIM, not you. If he says "no," then YOU can get mad at him. Either way, you win! 4. Save all your pennies and dump them in the bottom of your purse so that when you are in the express lane you won't be embarrassed by spending all that time looking for one and not finding any. 5. When asked if you want paper or plastic, take all the time you need to make the right decision. Don't be rushed. Get it right. If you're not sure just say, "BAG." That way they will have to ask you again, giving you more time to decide. You may want to practice this at home in case you are ever asked this question at a grocery store. 6. Always, and I repeat, ALWAYS tell the checker your reason for choosing paper or plastic. Checkers by nature are very curious and if you should fail to give them your reason for choosing paper over plastic, the clerk is liable to lie awake at night wondering why you didn't choose plastic. 7. Always keep this in mind: If something is heavy and you don't want to lift it out of the basket and put it on the belt. Don't fret whether the checker will automatically know the price. After all, everyone knows how smart those clerks are. 8. Since everyone knows how ignorant those clerks are, you must always remember to tell them to not put the eggs and bread in the bottom of the bag. 9. Feel free to ask your clerk anything you may want to know. All checkers are experts on how to prepare whatever meal you should decide to make that night. They can give you precise directions to anywhere in the state you might want to go. They can tell you the best restaurant around, the kind of wine you will like best or anything else you may need to know about life. 10. Don't forget rule NO. 8 11. After waiting in the checkout line for several minutes and it's finally your turn at the counter, be sure to tell the clerk that more help is needed. He will certainly ensure that there is plenty of help next time. 12. When the clerk greets you and asks how you're doing, don't feel pressured into answering him. After all the clerk has to be polite-- but you don't have to. 13. When the store is not busy and there is only one check- stand with a light on, be sure to ask the nearest clerk which check stand is open. You don't want to take a chance being tricked into the wrong one. 14. If the clerk asks you if you know the price of an item and you don't, tell him it's "2-something" or "3-something." The clerks love that because they don't get to use their SOMETHING keys very often. ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend John Paul :) .----. .' `. |________| /__________\ (/(. ~ _._) (__.~_~__) / \\ // \ | |_\\__//_| | | | \\// | | | | //\\ | | | |_//__\\_| | |_|________()| /_/__ __\|\ \_| | | ||/ \__|__|__/| ______________ | || || ____________jro__ | || |' | || | | || | | || | |___||___| (___||___) /___||___\ >A Very Serious Manufacture`s Recall The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as: S.I.N. (as it is primarily expressed). Some other symptoms include: 1 Loss of direction 2 Foul vocal emissions 3 Amnesia of origin 4 Lack of peace and joy 5 Selfish or violent behavior 6 Depression, and, or confusion in the mental component. 7 Fearfulness 8 Idolatry 9 Rebellionzz The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is pro viding factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the Staggering cost of these repairs. No additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R! Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with: 1 Love 2 Joy 3 Peace 4 Patience 5 Kindness 6 Goodness 7 Faithfulness 8 Gentleness 9 Self contro Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes. WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention. GOD P.s.: Please assist if possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the FATHER, GOD - any time by "kneemail". --- ...Aman! -<>- >A Soldier's Prayer .----. .' `. | ______ | /_/ O _)O\_\ (_\ /_) (_\_O_/_) / \\/:\// \ /_| \\_// |_\ _.-~jro / // \_/ \\ \ _.-~ \_\\_ /_\ _//_/ _.-~ \_\_//_\\_/_/ _.-~ /()__[_]__\ \_.-~ \||/ \|_/ || | | || _ | _ | _. ||: :|: :| _.-~ `|:_:|:_:| |_ | _| |=\_|_/=| |=| | |=| _|_/ | \_|_ (__/)_|_(\__) As I lift my eyes unto Heaven, And silently I whisper a prayer, O', Father, please look down on us, In this time of desperate despare, Now, as we lay waiting the attack, Our little groupe of seven, We are not afraid of dying, Nor do we look back, For we are ready to take, Our place with You in Your beautiful Heaven. I know Dear Father, You see can us, And our enemy not so far, In Your Hands, with Faith, we Trust, And In Jesus Our Guiding `Star`. The dust from the storm is raging, Its`blinding swirls seem to consume us, Yet we lay here patiently waiting, No Moans of Fear, But in You we trust. As explosions sound we wonder, And wait yet a little while, For over the next ridge--Yonder, Only a few feet, But seems more Than a Mile. Suddenly, comes a `Bright` and `Shining` light, From some where up above, Words ring out, with a Glorious Shout, "No more Death, Destruction or Dispair", Neather Here or any where about, A sweet fragrants fills all the air On the wings of a Snow White `Dove` JESUS, brings `PEACE`, and `BROTHERLY LOVE` As He answers a Souldier`s Prayer. --- ...Sweet - Thanks John Paul! =============================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: .----------. / .-. .-. \ / | | | | \ \ `-' `-' _/ /\ .--. / | \ | / / / / / | `--' /\ \ /`-------' \ \ Jym Dyer >Husband Shopping Center has opened where a woman can go to choose from among many men to be her husband. It is laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. There is, however, a catch: Once you open the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you go up a floor, you can't go back down except to exit the building. So, a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door says: Floor 1: These men have jobs and love kids The woman reads the sign. Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes. The second floor sign says: Floor 2: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking "Hmmm, better" say the woman "But, I wonder what's further up?" The third floor sign reads: Floor 3: These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework. "Wow," says the woman, "very tempting BUT, there's more further up!" And so again, she goes up on the fourth floor the sign reads: Floor 4: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me, But just think what must be awaiting me further on? So up to the fifth floor she goes. The sign on that door says: Floor 5: This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day. -<>- >A BILLION DOLLARS A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases: A billion seconds ago it was 1959. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate Washington spends it. -<>- .-"-. / - -\ \ @ @/ (_ <_) I thought I saw a pudy tat burglar _)(` ,_(`_))\ "-\)__/ __|||__ jgs ((__|__)) George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up. Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" -<>- ______ ,-' ; ! `-. / : ! : . \ |_ ; __: ; | )| . :)(. ! | Who is there? |" (##) _ | | : ;`' (_) ( Is That You Monk? | : : . | )_ ! , ; ; | || . . : : | |" . | : . | |mt-2_;----.___| >You Might Be Anal-retentive Or - You Might Be Like Adrian Monk - If... 14. you eat the M&Ms in color order... in pairs. 13. you fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the hamper... and clean your hamper adter every use. 12. you have to have all boxes in the kitchen facing the same way ... and in order by size. 11. you have all your canned goods organized by type, flavor, and use ... and they're all facing the front. 10. all you books, CDs, and movies have to be in alphabetical order... and facing the same correct way or stacked correctly. 9. you require no less than 230 threads per inch on your sheets. ...and they are tucked so tightly that you really could bounce a quarter on them... and you check to make sure you can. 8. you alphabetize your spices... and arrange them by size. 7. you actually bother trying to convince someone that the 3rd millennium hasn't begun yet (or that it *has* begun). 6. you organize your closet by color, season, and fabric. 5. you flame every person who sent you email because the emails weren't spelled correctly or grammatically correct. 4. you remove the tires to wash inside the wheel-wells of your vehicle. 3. you collect the little postcards in magazine issues... ..for recycling. 2. every e-mail reply that you send has been through a grammar checker... ..and you correct the original message. 1. you're on a "calorie-counting" diet and you count the calories in the hot sauce on your "Big Beef Burrito Supreme." ================================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: RIDDLES When should a Moyel retire? When he can't cut it anymore. (William Brabant) (Mohel: Jewiish riual circumciser) What do you call drunken French artists who paint on gesso? The plastered of paris (Gary Hallock) The important letter she was reading as she ate fell from her balcony and fluttered toward the canal below. She was about to lose it! At the last minute, she reached out and speared it with her fork, averting a disaster. What did she exclaim? I caught it just in tine! (Cynthia MacGregor) What did the pro wrestler say when his opponent did a 360-degree, head-over-heels flip, before knocking him down and pinning him to the mat? "Wow! That was some assault!" (Tyler Kaus) What is the difference between a skit about the wages of sin and a scam in which diluted solutions are sold as full-strength? One is a morality play, the other a molarity ploy (Lars Hanson) What well known book by Charles might be subtitled "The Great Martini Debate?" Olive or twist (Lars Hanson) What is the title of the research project by a Ph. D. candidate recording religious transgressions using a hidden camera? Photo Sin Thesis (Stan Kegel/Daily Groaner) COMICS Rick: “What are you doing in hall?” Fuzzy (cat): “I’m observing that rat hole in an attempt to determine when and how often those rats are active. I have determined that a rat’s evil activity which can be represented by the letter ‘e’ is equivalent to the mass of the rat, ‘’multiplied by the square of the rat’s food consumption or ‘C’” “e = MC squared?” “That’s correct. It’s my theory of rat activity” (Get Fuzzy: Darby Conley) (Congratulations to Darby Conley and “Get Fuzzy” for winning the 2003 Reuben Award as “The Best Newspaper Comic Strip of the Year” selected by the National Cartoonist Society.) “No, no, Noah! Not ‘Cupids!’ I said 300 ‘Cubits’ “ (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves) Support Masseurs! They’re kneady people! (Graffiti: Gene Mora) Son, there are two kinds of people in this world ... Those that are good at Math those that are good at English and those who ain’t good at nothing, (Speed Bump: Dave Coverly) Forgers write wrongs (Graffiti: Gene Mora) “I’ve joined a new health club that specializes in reducing the rear.” “Really? What is it called?” “No End In Sight.” (Shoe: Cassatt & Brookins) A lot of plastic people hang out on Hollywood and Vinyl (Graffiti: Gene Mora) Market cashier: “Paper or Plastic?” Customer: “Don’t care. I’m bisactual” (Loud Cartoons: Myke Ashley-Cooper) Poets are born, not paid. (Graffiti: Gene Mora) Al’s Seafood Grotto: “Why did you discontinue the mussels?” “They weren’t working out.” (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves) Some guest speakers talk in other people’s sleep. (Graffiti: Gene Mora) TV Announcer: Coming up ... Disturbing new info about something you are probably doing in your home this VERY MINUTE that could KILL you!!! ...Details at eleven. (Reality Check: Dave Whammond) A Hangover is the bad time you get from a good time. (Graffiti: Gene Mora) ONE-LINERS: I'm not saying our new receptionist is dumb, but this is how she filled out her driver licence application: Date of Birth: January 12, 1978 Weight: 6 pounds, 10 ounces Height: 20 inches (LAB Laughs) When a group of battered ladies arrived in Reno for divorces from their abusive husbands, it was a site for sore wives . (Tyler Kaus) One July evening, a member of King Arthur's Round Table had a dream, during which he formulated an evil plan to overthrow his boss. It could be described as A Midsiumber Knight's Scheme. (Tyler Kaus) Do urologists review their journal articles with peeer groups? (B. Michael) When a baby's diaper is being changed, it sometimes acts rashly. (Pun of the Day) D. A. M.: Mothers Against Dyslexia (Ken Kegel) When you're lying on your deathbed, a priest is probably the last person on earth you want to see. (Gary Hallock) Passenger: What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late? Conductor: How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule? Carol’s Humor) Watches can be displayed and sold on a time table. (Pun of the Day) In the old days, a suspended sentence was hanging. (Mike Bull) Did you hear about the big winner on JEOPARDY!? He went home the next day, and his wife demanded, "Who were those women I saw you outwit last night?" (Marsha Coleman) In a world without walls or fences, what use do we have for Windows or Gates? (Foot Long Hot Dog) Dripping wet wood should not be used in your fireplace. You should let weeping logs dry. (Tyler Kaus) We take water for granted, but if we don't conserve it, we could go from one ex-stream to another. (Mike Bull) A man who got a watch when he retired said, "it's about time" (Pun of the Day) Heavy drinkers tend to put the cart before the hearse. (Mike Bull) A panhandler comes up to you and begs the question. (Pun of the Day) A chicken in love is poultry emotion. (Johann von Haupkopf) If I had the chance to change just one thing in my life I, think I'd have to pick underpants. (Foot Long Hot Dog) A rancher has a huge cow-spread down in South Texas. A visitor asked him one day how long cows should be milked. "The same as short ones," he answered. (Carol's Humor) A good clothing salesman will size up a customer. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) Bottled water is fairly cheap, you can buy it at a liquidation sale. (Mike Bull) Those who like dark beer are beyond the pale. (Pun of the Day) Chinese sailors eat junk food. (Pun of the Day) If you are born legitimate but take ill does that make you ill-legitimate? (W.J. Newhart) He's a real pain in the neck; of course, some people have a lower opinion of him. (E4Fun) For a rookie racer to succeed takes a lot of drive. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) After a lady of easy virtue had imbibed copious quantities of a wormwood liqueur, she began to think deeply and remorsefully about her wasted life. You might say that absinthe makes the tart go ponder . (Tyler Kaus) Did you hear about the tattoo artist that had designs on his clients (Pun of the Day) Dry cleaners are often pressed for time. (Mike Bull) Did you hear about the Mohel who doubled as a press agent? He saved his own clippings. (Archives) Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good. (Jolene) I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased when I read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall." (Eleanor Roosevelt) When he asked her out, the hair stylist gave him the brush off. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) After several criminals had escaped to Reykjavik after hijacking armored cars for a lot of money, their haven became known as Heistland . (Tyler Kaus) The guy who draws pictures of crime suspects is a con artist (Pun of the Day) Two electricians were in a race that went down to the wire. (Pun of the Day) There's nothing like a girl with a plunging neckline to keep a man on his toes. (Venkatesh/ Very Punny) Don't drink too much water at once or you could turn pail. (Mike Bull) If a man has enough "horse sense" to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never be an old nag. (Jolene) -<>- >SUCCESS: At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 20 success is . . . having sex. At age 35 success is . . . having money. At age 50 success is . . . having money. At age 60 success is . . . having sex. At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . . . having friends. At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants. -<>- Q: Why do women live longer than men? A: Someone has to stick around and clean up after them. -<>- State of the Pastor The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13." ===================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) >From TheMouthPiece: ZOBMONDO Based on the board game, answer mind-boggling questions on Pain, Fear, Discomfort, Appearance, Embarrassment, Food Ingestion, Ethics, and Intellect. It's also fun to predict how your friends will answer. Visit: ZOBMONDO TOM'S WACKY PACKAGES PAGE "Wacky Packages were those Topps bubble gum parody stickers that made fun of household products of their time. I used to see them stuck on lunchboxes, notebooks and lockers at school. They are fun to look at, fun to collect and really bring back memories of products that defined a great era..." Visit: TOM'S WACKY PACKAGES PAGE -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: "Our Military Heros" This group is for anyone and everyone. You can share stories about yourself, family and friends that you have in any branch of the military. This group is not for bashing!!! But for sharing. If you would like to join please click on the link below: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/our_military_heros Or send a blank email to: our_military_heros-subscribe@yahoogroups.com John w/ Memories http://heavens-gates.com/memories/ THE WRONG ARMY? http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/THEWRONGARMY.HTML Old Rugged Cross / Marlene http://summerhoosier.250free.com/Html/TheOldRuggedCross.html Carol w/Gift of Friendship http://www.carolspoetry.com/giftof.html Fall Colors USFS Via Dianne http://www.fs.fed.us/news/fallcolors/ Free e-cards designed with YOUR photos! http://www.mushygushy.com If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "So nice today, O.J. Simpson was stealing sun block." - David Letterman "Crazy time here in New York City. The president of Iran still in town. Yesterday he said his country doesn't have problems with gay people because they don't have homosexuals in Iran. Although Ahmadinejad did admit that sometimes one Iranian will take another Iranian's penis hostage." - Conan O'Brien "Not such a great day for Kiefer Sutherland. He was arrested on DUI charges. He used the Lindsay Lohan defense: It was someone else's alcohol in his blood." - Craig Ferguson I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence. They got one marked "brightness," but it doesn't work, does it? -- Gallagher Enthusiasm on fire is many times more powerful than knowledge on ice. A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. -- Marty Allen Remember--a developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already owns a house in the woods. -- Dennis Miller A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father. - Gabriel García Márquez ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSE :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: a href="http://tinyurl.com/2vrfzv">This Weeks regular Shangy emails ************************************************************************ -->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN List Publication? >To ADVERTISE: Advertise ************************************************************************