SMILES For Thanksgiving... :) Shangy!
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or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com
The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the
ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each
week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While
the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site
down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help!
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
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OR If you'd rather send us a donation,
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
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AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
H A P P Y T H A N K S G I V I N G
T O Y O U A N D Y O U R S !
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*~* HAVE A SAFE, HAPPY AND BLESSED THANKSGIVING! :)
Many will have early Thanksgiving Celebrations so here we have
some Great Thanks Living Bible Teachings From our friends at
www.TruthOrTradition.com:
_.-/`)
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1 of 2 Thanks: The Joy of Thanksgiving
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lifogbJpowo
2 of 2 Thanks: The Benefits of Thanks Living
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRJVZ3wN2FU
A Key to Being Thankful: You Can Never Go Back,
Don't Live in the Past, Be Present Minded
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJt78NfS69E
---
...I Thank God For ALL Of You! Blessings My Sweet Friends! :)
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turkey diddled by llizard...
I'll be very busy with playing hostess at my house this Thanksgiving
so you won't hear from me again until this Friday with the Inspirations.
-<>-
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This super hot new page is from our friend Geniann. It will
give you your aww quota for the day along with tips/reminders
of things that dog (and cat) owners need to keep in mind. Be
sure to check out this adorable one here...
________________
'------._.------'\
\_______________\
.'| .'|
.'_____________.' .|
| | |
| Scooby _.-. | . |
| * (_.-' | |
| Snacks | .|
| * * | .'
|______________|.' LGB
Tips For Dog Owners
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogfacts.html
---
...What a sweet one! Great tips! Thanks Geniann!
Our Friend VJ sent us a wonderful recipe. It's perfect for those
large get-to-gathers - (just double it for more guests). It's a
particular favorite in my area and I was never sure how to make
it as good as the restaurants. I had one recipe but it looked like
it was a bear to make and took hours of cooking time so I never
tried it. This one is great because it is so quick and easy to make
yet super yummy! Check it out here under MEALS AND BREADS:
Easy Shredded CHICKEN Sandwiches By VJ
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html
---
...Excellent! Just like down town! Thanks VJ!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
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A foursome approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along
a road and bike path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed of
and hooked the ball into that direction. But the ball went over the
fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire
of a moving bus and was knocked back on to the fairway. As they all
stood in silent amazement, one man finally asked him, "How on earth did
you do that?"
He shrugged his shoulders and said, "You have to know the bus schedule."
-<>-
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>Signs Found In The Kitchen
1. So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust!
2. Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!
3. I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.
4. If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
5. I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
6. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
7. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
8. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
9. If you don't like my standards of cooking ...lower your standards.
10. Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse.
11. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse.
12. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.
13. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand!
14. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
15. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never
cease to be amused.
16. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to
lead normal lives.
17. My next house will have no kitchen ... just vending machines.
18. I'd live life in the fast lane, but I a married to a speed bump.
19. Mother does not live here any more, clean up your own mess.
20. Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
November 19 is Have a Bad Day Day
November 20 is Absurdity Day, Beautiful Day and Universal Children's Day
November 21 is False Confession Day, National Tie One On Day - day
before Thanksgiving and World Hello Day
November 22 is Thanksgiving - Eat, drink, and be thankful
November 23 is Black Friday - Friday after Thanksgiving, Buy Nothing
Day, Eat a Cranberry Day, National Cashew Day, National, Espresso Day
and You're Welcome Day - the day after Thanksgiving
November 24 is All Our Uncles are Monkeys Day and Evolution Day
November 25 is National Parfait Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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>Socks
When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came
up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you
open this up so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked.
Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the
merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, "I'll take them."
Relieved, I started to ring up the sale, until she interrupted me.
"Can I have another pack? This one's been opened."
-<>-
>Hundredth Birthday
Miss Emily was everybody's favorite spinster.
Every year, for her birthday, she received dozens of little gifts
from friends and family. Year after year the knickknacks were added
to, and soon filled every corner of the house.
On her hundredth birthday, her niece asked what she wanted this year.
Miss Emily said, "I'll take a kiss. Anything I don't have to dust!"
-<>-
>Paying the Bill
A patient at the dental office where I work stopped by my desk to pay
her bill. She began rummaging through her purse, as so many patients
do when they have a check to write. "Do you need a pen?" I asked,
offering her mine.
"Yes, thank you," she replied. She took it, put it in her handbag,
and proceeded to pay in cash.
-<>-
>Military Etiquette
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy. (starts looking for change...)
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again.
Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!
-<>-
>Call Center
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center
was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,
7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
=========================================================
>-->Thanksgiving Q And A SMILES:
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Q. If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students
travel on?
A. Scholar ships.
Q. What did sick people do on the Mayflower?
A. They went to the dock!
Q: When do you serve tofu turkey?
A: Pranksgiving.
Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
A: Boy, em I stuffed!
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Q: Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble”?
A: Because they never learned good table manners!
Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Your nose.
Q: What key has legs and can’t open doors?
A: A Turkey.
Q: What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common?
A: One has gobblers, the other goblins.
.--.
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Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken’s day off!
Q: What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A: A Har-VEST.
Q: What do you call a running turkey?
A: Fast food.
Q: Why does a pilgrim’s pants always fall down?
A: Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.
.--.
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Q: What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey trot
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin
by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.
Q: What did the turkey say to the computer?
A: Google, google, google!
Q: What do you call the age of a pilgrim?
A: Pilgrimage.
.---.
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Q: What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary?
A: Pilgrammar.
Q: What is a pumpkin’s favorite sport?
A: Squash
Q: What was the turkey looking for at ToysRus?
A: Gobbleheads.
Q: What was the turkey suspected of?
A: Fowl play.
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Q: What sound does a turkey’s phone make?
A: Wing! Wing!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
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>SMILES
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a
meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let
them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled
a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute
meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his
desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the
street. You drove, you idiot."
----------
It was World War II, and the captain was attempting to rally the GIs on
the eve of a big offensive. 'Out there,' said the captain, 'is your
enemy. The man who has made your life miserable, who is working to
destroy you; the man who has been trying to kill you day after day
throughout this war.'
Private Johnson jumped to his feet. 'Oh No! The cook's working for
the Germans!'?
----------
More and more computer science majors at U.S. colleges are opting not to
take programming jobs after they graduate. Not because they don't want
to work in the computer industry, it's just that they want to spend a
few more years in America before having to move to India.
----------
Two women were discussing marriage, and one said, "We've been married
twenty-five years, and every night my husband has complained about the
food. Not one night without complaining about the food." The other woman
said, "That's awful. Doesn't it bother you?" The first one said, "Why
should I object if he doesn't like his own cooking?"
---------
The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a
huge amount of material on the midterm exam. Tension in the room built
up, people were sighing and gasping aloud as they realized how much
material they had covered and were expected to recall. The following
week the professor tossed the graded papers on her desk and announced,
"Class, after I left here last week, the Lord spoke to me."
"What did He say?" asked one of the students.
"He said, 'Gee, thanks, professor. I haven't heard from some of those
people in years!'"
-------
A Zebra that died and went to heaven and realizes he can talk. Saint
Peter greets at the gate and says welcome to heaven do you have any
questions? The Zebra said I only have one, am I black or white? Saint
Peter said you’ll have to ask the Big guy, that I don’t know. They part
ways and a couple months later Saint Pete runs in to the Zebra and asks
him if he asked God? The Zebra said yes, but I still don’t know if I’m
black or white? Saint Pete asked what did God tell you? He said you are
what you are. Saint Pete then said, you're white. The Zebra said how do
you know that? Well, if you were black, he would of said, you is what
you is!
--------
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Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at
Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)!
GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
EVANGELIST: When you rearrange the letters:
EVIL'S AGENT
PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
And for the grand finale:
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
When you rearrange the letters (With no letters left over
and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
Yep! Someone has waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands!
---
...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
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>Thanksgiving Hints:
While Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite holiday if you
are hosting this lovely meal it can be overwhelming and
exhausting.
I'm here to help! This weeks issues I will be featuring
some tips that may help you host this holiday and eliminate
some of the stress that comes with that job.
* Let's start with...splitting up your supermarket trips.
An entire feast's worth of grocery bags is a lot for anyone
to carry, and if you try to buy all of your Thanksgiving
supplies in one trip you're bound to forget an ingredient,
or come across supermarket shelves so bare you'd think the
apocalypse was here. Plan your time and split your shopping
trips up, which will save you the pressure of trying to cram
everything in the trunk in one trip.
* Prioritize your freezer and refrigerator
Sure you can cram all the food for your Thanksgiving meal into
your fridge, but the question is...can you shut the door?
Plan to go through your refrigerator one evening. Empty everything
that isn't essential like jellies, salad dressing, or anything
that is expired.
Plan ahead and remember that you need extra space, and try
to eat up as much leftover food as possible in both the
fridge and freezer.
* Designate a place for extra storage, and for dry goods
Refrigerator space is crucial on Thanksgiving we all know that!
Get creative if you run out of room. Store hearty product like
apples, potatoes, sweet potatoes, and cranberries in the garage
or in the trunk of your car.
Anything that needs to be chilled...use a cooler filled with ice
packs to store casseroles, desserts, or anything else that needs
to stay cool.
Side note: A iced cooler stored in low temperature will keep your
food fresh for at least 24 hours.
* Although many of your Thanksgiving guests genuinely want to
help you put together a beautiful meal, the old saying holds
true that too many cooks in the kitchen spoil the broth.
To keep a busy kitchen from feeling too crowded, try to move
as many activities out of the kitchen as possible. Set up a
drink station in the living room, or a small prep table outside
of the kitchen for extra work space.
* Create a prep list
A organized prep list lays out (in order) all of the tasks
you need to get done two days prior to your Thanksgiving feast.
- Identify what can be made a day ahead of time. Recipes
like pies can be prepared in advance and refrigerated.
- Identify which dishes will take the longest to make on
Thanksgiving day, then prioritize your recipes and allow
yourself with a little extra time with each one.
- Look at cooking temperatures and see what dishes can go
into the oven simultaneously. Use your smartphone or
timers to set alarms to keep track of both the dishes in
the oven and on the stove top.
* Organize recipes
Nothing is worse than shuffling through recipes when you've
got hot food on the stove and six other things to do.
If you make copies of your recipes in advance, you can then
stick them on appliances with magnets, or tape them onto the
cabinets at eye level. This will not only save precious
counter space, but you can slip the recipes into plastic
sleeves and file them away for next year.
* I think the worst part of hosting a holiday is the
dreaded cleanup...right?
Dinner is over and you want nothing more than to put
your slippers on and spend some quality time with your
guests, but you have tons of pots and pans waiting to be
cleaned in the kitchen.
After dinner, fill the big pots with soapy hot water and
use them for soaking utensils and plates.
A cooler can also be used for soaking larger items, and
as long as everything is immersed your cleanup can be put
off until you're up to it.
Set up a lined garbage can ahead of time so food scraps
can go directly into the trash, and voila! Your mountain
of dishes is a problem for tomorrow...go enjoy your some
time with family!
* Time to Eat That Turkey
Although you've planned your meal timing perfectly, there
are a few helpful tricks to keep some tricky food items hot.
- Keep your gravy piping hot? A thermos will do the trick
just fine.
- A cooler will retain heat, and can hold stacked foil
dishes or covered pots.
- A microwave oven is insulated, and can be used as a resting
place to keep a hot dish warm for a half an hour.
- A Crock-Pot will keep your mashed potatoes, rice, or
stuffing warm (you can even set it to low for longer
periods or time).
* Ready for something sweet
Although you and your guests are ready for your famous pumpkin
pie or pecan pie, it's impossible to clear the dishes and
serve dessert at the same time. Taking a coffee break between
courses is the perfect way to give time to clear the table
after dinner.
Create a dessert station in the dining room with plates, forks,
and coffee cups. Press the brew button when you (and your helpful
guests) are clearing the table, and have the cream and sugar
bowls ready in the refrigerator ahead of time. Your coffee will
be ready and the table will be clear, making it the perfect time
to present the dessert.
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
_.-;-._
(` \ | / `)
( '._\|/_.' )
('-._/.-.\_.-')
(._ |(q p)| _.)
'._\-)V(-/_.'
/_// 8 \\_\
jgs \___/
W W
The Turkeys are coming! Turkey Pardoning
https://tinyurl.com/y8nlva7n
McCarthy on surveying wildfire damage with President Trump
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1BbXBnuCFA
Full Justice With Judge Jeanine 11/17/18
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CIzS8NHlgo
From Wall Street Journal:
"President Trump has it right when he says the fires are due to
mismanagement, mainly because the California government wants to be
politically correct and green. Even Pacific Gas and Electric (PG&E) has
a television ad showing millions of dead trees that need to be cleared
and turned into lumber before they are unusable. California used to have
a thriving lumber industry until politics killed it. Our representatives
are aware of the problems but do very little about them. Instead they
want a carbon tax to give them even more money to waste."
Hannity talks about this on his show here...
https://tinyurl.com/y7eh7mqu
New Border Wall Plan Revealed
https://1600daily.com/2018/11/18/new-border-wall-plan-revealed/
Trump Gives Big Update on Mueller Probe
https://1600daily.com/2018/11/17/trump-gives-big-update-mueller-probe/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest Fox News:
https://www.foxnews.com/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
You may or may not have heard, but the east coast got a bit
of snow in the last 24 hours. Apparently they weren't pre-
pared for it. People were trapped on public transportation,
trapped in their cars, sometimes stranded for up to twelve
hours. People were sleeping in their vehicles. But for some
commuters in Pennsylvania at least there was some unusual
entertainment. Something you don't normally see in the north-
east. Especially in the middle of a snowstorm.
Shocked drivers in a snowy Pennsylvania highway captured
photos and video of an unusual animal at the side of the
road - a camel.
Witnesses reported spotting the camel Thursday evening next
to a van and trailer pulled over at the side of Route 309.
Surprised drivers captured photos and videos of the animal
that quickly went viral on social media.
The camel mystery was solved when the Jewish Federation of
Greater Philadelphia revealed the animal, named Einstein,
had been en route to an event at the Kimmel Center in
Philadelphia. The federation said the weather prevented the
animal from making it on time.
"Sadly Einstein the camel didn't make it to the Kimmel
Center this evening," the group tweeted. "His ride got stuck
in the weather and decided it was best for him to go home.
Thank you for everyone's concern. Einstein is safe and happy
to be headed home to Peaceable Kingdom Petting Zoo."
-<>-
There is a song that goes, 'All my ex's live in Texas, And
that's why I hang my hat in Tennessee.' That might lead a
person to believe that divorcees in Texas are bitter and
vindictive. And today's story does nothing to dispel this
belief. While there is no background provided as to why
this Texas woman got a divorce, so we cannot speculate as
to what led to her dramatic actions, I think you will agree
that her response was over-the-top to say the least.
When 43-year-old Kimberly Santleben-Stiteler got a divorce
after 14 years of marriage she decided to have a divorce
party at her father's farm, about 25 miles west of San
Antonio. This is not a completely unusual thing to do.
People who were in particularly stressful marriages some-
times like to celebrate their newfound freedom.
At this party Kimberly wanted to destroy some things that
reminded her of her old life; primarily her wedding dress.
But Kimberly was not content with simply throwing it on a
bonfire. With the help of a demolitions expert she rigged
her dress with 20 pounds of Tannerite, which is the
explosive component of those explosive targets used for
longer range firearms training.
She honed her shooting skills with some practice before
the party - because with that much Tannerite, the family
wasn't sure that shooting the dress from 100 yards away
would be safe enough. But Kimberly hit the bullseye on her
first shot.
The resulting fireball was the size of a garage.
"We were all getting messages asking if that was our
explosion people were feeling and hearing around the
county, up to at least 15 miles away," Kimberly's sister
Carla said. "It was like, 'Uh, is everything okay over
there'?"
The explosion she says was felt through parts of Medina
County. She had about 40 guests, who all cheered when the
dress was no more.
"On the one hand, it was like being on set of some action
movie. The explosion was huge," Kimberly said. "It was
liberating pulling that trigger. It was closure for all
of us."
I don't know what her husband, sorry, EX-husband did to
piss her off, but I hope for his sake he doesn't try to
reconcile.
*--- SpaghettiOs Attacks are On the Rise ---*
A Pittsburgh woman is facing several charges after allegedly
throwing several cans of SpaghettiOs at another woman's
vehicle. The incident happened last month as the victim was
expecting to meet with a man who was supposed to provide
money for their children. The victim said when she approached
the Allegheny Union Plaza building, a woman approached her
and began throwing cans of SpaghettiOs at her vehicle. The
victim said as she tried to get out of her car the suspect
tried stabbing her with a kitchen knife. Police said the
victim's vehicle had a broken back window, multiple dents and
was smeared with red sauce and pieces of pasta. But police
said they reviewed surveillance video which appeared to show
several other people involved in the incident, including a
man who was apparently also throwing cans of SpaghettiOs.
Police said they're working to identify any additional
suspects.
*--- Chinese Man Breaks 100 Bricks in 37 seconds ---*
Speaking of people you don't wnat to piss off; a Chinese
kung fu master showed off his skills by using his bare
hands to break 100 bricks in only 37 seconds. Wang Hua, a
kung fu master who said he has been studying various
martial arts disciplines since he was a child, was filmed
using his bare hands to chop the 100 bricks in half. The
video shows the Wang chopping through bricks, mostly two
at a time. Wang said his stunt bested his own previous
record of smashing 50 bricks in 40 seconds.
*--- That's a Lot of Estrogen ---*
A gathering of women dressed as Rosie the Riveter set a
Guinness World Record in Michigan when a total 3,734 women
were counted. The event, organized by the Yankee Air Museum
in Ypsilanti, drew a total 3,734 women who donned the
clothes of the World War II-era female factory worker icon,
and they were photographed striking the "We can do it!"
poster pose in unison. Guinness World Records confirmed the
count and said it was a new world record. The gathering
included several "original Rosies," including Stella Haener,
101, and Lottie Kucab, who celebrated her 100th birthday on
the day of the record attempt. The world record attempt was
organized to raise funds and awareness for a campaign to
save the Willow Run bomber plant, where "real Rosie" Rose
Will Monrow made bomber plane wings during World War II.
=========================================================
>From TheGroaner:
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/( `'.-./'/\'\.-.'` )\
'-='/ |:(__);| \'=-'
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| /;:;:;:::\ |
jgs \/;;:;:;;:;;\/
`::;:;::;`
\;/\;/
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(((--)(--)))
``` ```
Slogans can make or break your business. Some of the best are...
"They're G-r-r-r-eat!", "The Best Part of Waking up is Folgers in Your
Cup", "Don't Leave Home Without It", "I'm Lovin It", "Finger Lickin'
Good" - the list goes on and on.
Then there are some slogans for random things that are just horrible
like...
Wine Coolers - "For when you want to get just a little drunk, and then
you have three dozen and get really drunk"
Iced Coffee - "For when you can't wait for hot coffee to get cold on
it's own - $12 please!"
Dog Food - "They won't know what's in here"
Hot Dogs - "It's dog food for humans"
Hot Dogs - "It's technically food"
Hot Dogs - "What else are we gonna do with these old mattresses"
And one more thing. Don't go to doctor's office to get a vasectomy where
the slogan is, "We're A Cut Above the Rest." Trust me.
-<>-
>A Duck, A Deer, and A Skunk
A duck, a deer, and a skunk were having a drink in a cafe, when the
owner asked for the money.
"I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not
breaking it."
"I've spent my last buck," said the deer.
"Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me
my last scent."
-<>-
.========.
.-| |-.
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| \ / | \ / | \ / |
/ / | / \ /\/\ / \ | \ \
| | / | '-.( ).-' | \ | |
| | | / \`""`/ \ | | |
\ \ / | _.-| |-._ | \ / /
\ \ | / .' | | '. \ | / /
'. './ | .' / \ '. | \.' .'
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>Random Humor
Polynesia: memory loss in parrots.
Oh Lord, give me patience...and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
A good pun is its own reword.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
To err is human, to moo bovine.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
-<>-
>Shut Up, Trouble and Manners
There once were these three guys: Shut Up, Trouble and Manners.
Trouble got lost so Shut Up and Manners went to the police station.
Manners stayed in the car while Shut Up went in. He told the police
officer what happened and he asked, "What's your name?"
"Shut Up."
"Where are your Manners?"
"Waiting in the car."
"Are you looking for Trouble?"
"Yes! How did you know?"
-<>-
_/\_
.' ) )`'. _/\_
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|:| : |: |/.'`""`\. \
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'.___:_.'\'. |. | /
jgs '._:_/_.'
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What time do ducks wake up in the morning?
A: At the quack of dawn.
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A twig.
Q: Why couldn't the pirate get to Davy Jones' Locker?
A: He didn't know Davy Jones' combination...
Q: What do you get when you cross a lobster with a baseball player?
A: A pinch hitter.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.:.
.:. \|/ .:.
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_/_\_ ___ \\|/// <#> | \|<#> |
(") /.-.\ (")\\ \|<#>|/ \| /
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jgs _YY_ _[|]_ /_____\ _[|]_ \| |/ |/
""""""""'""'""'"""""'""""'""'"""'"""""''"'"""^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
On our way to the ski hill, my friend's children decided to
"find me a man" by the end of the day.
The kids did their best to let it be known I was unmarried
and to introduce me to anyone who was skiing alone and
therefore, in their minds, single.
To my great relief they finally got bored with their mission
and charged off on their own. I then made my way to the chair
lift. As I moved near the front of the line, a gentleman
close to my age said "Excuse me, but are you single?"
Groaning inwardly, I said, "Yes, but despite what you may
have heard, I'm really not looking to get married."
He looked at me oddly. "All I want is someone to share the
chair lift with."
-<>-
Because of the reaction people have when they wake up and
realize it's a workday again and the weekend is over, the
first day of the week is called Moanday.
Many people too busy to cook on the second day of the week
just open a can of beans. Hence the day is known as
Tootsday.
By the third day of the week, people are wondering when
they can ever find the time to get everything done this week
that they need to, hence the day is known as Whensday.
Too bleary to even count properly, people think it's only
Day Three of the week on the next day, therefore it's er-
roneously called Thirdsday.
On the last day of the workweek, people often go out "for a
few" after work. By the time they get home, they're too
tired to cook anything elaborate, so they just throw a piece
of meat, chicken, or fish in the skillet. That's why the day
is known as Fryday.
Saturday night all the singles let loose. There's a lot of
sexual hijinks. It's pretty obvious why the day is called
Satyrday.
And on the last day of the week--and the weekend--people
look at all the items on their to-do lists that didn't get
crossed off, groan aloud, and make themselves promises they
won't keep. Therefore the day is called Soonday.
-<>-
Honest Brand Slogans
Hallmark: "When you care enough to give a card mass-
produced by a corporation."
Ritz crackers: "Tiny, edible plates."
CliffsNotes: "They're still going to know you didnt read
the book."
Gillette: "We're just going to keep adding blades."
ChapStick: "You'll misplace it before the tube's empty."
Hot Pockets: "Every bite is a different temperature."
-<>-
Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the bath-
room, I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restrooms.
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the
other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?'
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom
and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat
embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine.'
And the other person says: 'So what are you up to?'
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking
this is too bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I'm like you, just
traveling.'
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can
when I hear another question. 'Can I come over?'
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I
could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
'No, I'm a little busy right now!'
Then I hear the person say nervously... 'Listen, I'll have
to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who
keeps talking to me.'
-<>-
My husband was waterskiing when he fell into the river.
As the boat circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter
sitting in a duck boat in the reeds. My husband put his
hands in the air and joked, "Don't shoot!"
The hunter responded, "Don't quack."
-<>-
I'd never had surgery, and I was nervous. "This is a very
simple, noninvasive procedure," the anesthesiologist
reassured me. I started to feel better until he continued,
"Heck, you have a better chance of dying from the
anesthesia than the surgery."
A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so
excited just thinking about his future.
He gets into a taxi and the driver says, "How are you this
fine day?"
"I'm the Class of 2012, just graduated from Harvard and I
just can't wait to go out there and see what the world has
in store for me."
"Congratulations," said the driver reaching back to shake
the young man's hand. "I'm Mitch. Harvard Class of '79."
-<>-
A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when
a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The
first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the
second guy join him.
Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second
guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we
play for five bucks a hole?"
The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't
like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy
wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the
eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses
that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick
on suckers.
The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the
local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all
flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back
his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square
and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it
up to you?"
The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and
make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father
by after Mass, I'll marry them for you."
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
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>24 Simple Truths
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for
the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BluRay? I don't
want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I
swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up
to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers
and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years
for men to realize that their brain is also important.
-<>-
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>Things proven to change the course of Thanksgiving
1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say,
"See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey
was four months past its expiration date. You were worried
for nothing."
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful
for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to
say anything more.
3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen,
toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to
the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight
Loss Shake.
4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked
about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one
leave or eat until you have finished the speech.
5. Bring along old recorded football games and pop them in
the VCR when dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the
last two minutes of the game when he comes into the room,
turn off the VCR, and then turn on the regular TV.
6. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and
abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.
Request that she bring photos.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Thankful For You!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thankful.html
Give Praise!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/praise.html
Our Valuable Anchor!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html
The Giver And The Gift!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/givergift.html
90/10 Principle!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/giving.html
Attitude Is Everything 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude3.html
Thanksgiving Story Time!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/alices.html
No Words Needed!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nowords.html
Arrows Across America!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/arrows.html
Making A Difference!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/makingdifference.html
Short Life Stories!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifestories.html
More Abundant Life!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/abundantlife.html
Thanksgiving Through The Years!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thanksgiving.html
Maxine On Thanksgiving!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxinethanksgiving.html
Thank You God!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thankgod.html
That's God!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thatsgod.html
Jesus Clinic!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/clinic.html
Rich VS Poor!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/richvspoor.html
Pay It Forward!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/payitforward.html
Thank You Lord!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thanks.html
Value What You Have!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html
Proud Of Our Troops!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops.html
Daily With Our Troops 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/daily2.html
Easy Yummy DESSERTS!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html
Thanksgiving Animations!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_p-t.html
Historical Color Photos!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/historycolorphotos.html
Journey Through Life!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/journey.html
Making A Difference!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/makingdifference.html
Ohio Indians!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ohioindians.html
Old 1917 Blackboards!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blackboards.html
Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html
-<>-
Some of Shangrala's Best Pages
http://www.amazafamily.com/index.html
-<>-
Product Alert: Contaminated Turkey and Beef Products, Cereal
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Health Alert: CDC Warns Flu Activity on the Rise
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
From TruthOrTradition.com - New Article: The Pursuer of Your Heart
I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore, I have drawn you
with lovingkindness.
https://tinyurl.com/ycmkdkqa
Stupid, Minor Mistakes You Can't Stop Yourself From Making
From Cracked.com: Human beings are creatures of habit, even when those
habits are super-dumb. We asked our readers to show us the stupidest,
most inconsequential things that they keep doing wrong, even though they
know their lives would be much easier if they did them differently.
https://tinyurl.com/y95b86z2
'Where Are They Now' on Facebook
Ever wonder what happened to your favorite stars? Some had long careers
before fading away. We still loved them and now find out - 'Where Are
They Now?' And enjoy movie review on new and classic releases from every
genre. Follow Us, Like Us, and Share Us with Friends on Facebook!
https://www.facebook.com/celebritynooz/
11 Things To Do When You're Trapped in a Horror Movie
I know this has nothing to do with Thanksgiving, but you
never can tell when things may turn into a horror movie
situation. I want you to be prepared to survive anything
... Thanksgiving or otherwise.
http://bit.ly/geHVAQ
Turkey Liberation Front Escape
"The tables are turned, Mr. Thanksgiving! Maybe just once,
our noble friend the Turkey can spend the holiday with his
own family. Gobble gobble gobble!"
http://bit.ly/if02gz
Funny Dogs at bath time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4LnorVVxfw
America’s Got Talent 2018 - Funniest / Weirdest / Worst Auditions
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgib0bCzUpg
It's Turkey & Chicken Time!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=-GuDidrAZkA
Funniest Turkey Videos & Bloopers Weekly Compilation 2016
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlXEv-G0Sj8
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
I Just Want To Thank You Lord, Thanksgiving day e-greeting
http://www.alighthouse.com/thanksgiving23.htm
---
...Ah, so sweet! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
It takes a lot of determination, patience and skill to finally
achieve freedom.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ij-kdNrhJ8Y
---
...HaHa! Love It! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
Revisiting...
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
This is just about the coolest thing I’ve ever seen a marching band do!
https://www.youtube.com/embed/MjPmmCtHmfE?rel=0
---
...Great! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melinda :)
Céline Dion – Hymne à l’amour Tribute to Paris victims
American Music Awards 2015
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmblKQj0_Xo&feature=em-share_video_user
Thankful! -Josh Groban
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBEI1F22uqE&feature=em-share_video_user
---
...beautiful! Thanks Melinda!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"I think the bottom-line difference between being single
and married is this: When you're single you're as happy
as you are. When you're married, you can only be as happy
as the least happy person in the house." --Tom Hertz
"A new study suggests that ancient cave art from 40,000 years
ago was mostly done by women. So even back then men didn't
have a say in decorating." -Jimmy Fallon
"A new survey found that 46 percent of doctors have used
Google or Yahoo to diagnose their patients' symptoms.
Yeah, last time I got sick, my doctor was like, 'I'm
sorry to tell you this, but you have 'Server Not
Responding.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer
car crashers than drunk people. Then again, it's easier
to see what is coming when you're driving at 11 miles
an hour." -Conan O'Brien
"The U.S. Postal Service announced yesterday they are
expecting this year's holiday season to be their busiest
ever and also their slowest ever. That's probably the
only business in America that complains about being busy."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"There's an event company that specializes in fake weddings.
The idea is that many young people don't want to get married
but they do want a wedding, so the company puts on a fake
ceremony and a fake reception. I can't imagine writing 'Will
attend' on an RSVP for a fake wedding. There are already
weddings for people who don't want to get married - they're
called weddings." -Jimmy Kimmel
"The FDA is currently debating whether the chocolate hazelnut
topping Nutella should be classified as a dessert or a
spread. Which is ridiculous. Nutella isn't a dessert or a
spread, it's a cry for help." -James Corden
"You never find yourself until you face the truth."
--Pearl Bailey
"Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace."
--Oscar Wilde
"You always pass failure on the way to success."
--Mickey Rooney
__
/ \
_/=Ll=\_
[________] ___
||/""\|| .'___`.
( 6. 6 ) / /"""\ \ __, ,__,
\_--_/ |( 6 6 )| (--| |
.-[\~--~/]-. ~\_-_/~ |--| _ _ _
/ \ / \ .-' '-. _| | (_||_)|_)\_|
/ _, `----' ,_ \ /\_____/\ ( |_, | | ,_|
\ \| |/ / / ,_/^\_, \
\ >==[]==< / \_(_|-|_)_/ _______,
\/__.''.__\/ //=====\\ (--| _, (_,
| TT | // \\ | |_ _ ._ |__, , _ ' ',_ _
| || | // \\ _| | |(_|| || \ /_)(_||\/|| |(_|
| || | /'---,___,---'\ ( |_, \_, ,_| ,_|
|__||__| / / \ \
[__][__] '--,_________,--'
jgs |_ || _| |_ | _|
(__)(__) (__)__)
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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