Scapegoats, Church, The Flu And Golden Years... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->OoooWEeeee!! oo 8 "} > @ < .8 .-._/| .'_'`')`_.' \| ) / (>'/ |_,_ | (,| .' ,'\| `._/ ) \| '`- -- ''-- --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another donation from our long time Shangrala Angel, Cloie from NH! May God Bless her richly! She is a loyal supporter contributing to help Keep Shangrala Alive! We sure do thank God for her and all our past most sweet and wonderful angels! If you'd like to help too and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This flaming hot new page is from our friend LouiseAu. With it being Woman's History Month, it seemed fitting that we should take the time, as so many already have, to speculate as to why we do not have our first woman President. This page takes a hard look at this question. Be sure to check it out here... ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" Why Did She Lose? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whyhillarylost.html --- ...Oh My! I couldn't resist doing this one up! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: |\ ___ | ) / '-. ||.+ L (__ \ || '-.\ ___)a \__ \ || `-. /.__ J__//--. |J `-. |_ '-._ \ _.------. | L ` L__. _/`----.____ / b a (__c> |J \ __,-_____ __._>\__/ ( c " h\ L L \ ./--+///___)_.--' /\ -. \ d e f g / J J | \\__// `--(_.( `--.....-' | \ J )_ _,- \__ \ `--' L | L ` )-)_/ \_._..--''-..) J | | \ [_._._,.. _] | | | ,,' _/ ( __ | _ | J ,' \ _________ / \ \ | _______a:f____ | J_.L_.' \ / _\_/\ ( L | \ / _| / \_ F J J ( (_ L `-. / L \ \__. `. \__ \ / J ^ \ ) \____ \ / L .---.-)_ _/ ) \ /_ | ( `-' \__/. L__\_\ | `-.__.--.___) --- / (_/ J |_ ( .-' --- `---' The art-supply store sold artists' canvas by the yard. It came in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches. Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?" Clerk: "Certainly, what width?" Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Scissors?" -<>- A family was having dinner and the little boy said, "Dad I don't like the holes in the cheese!" The father replied, "Well son, eat the cheese and leave the holes on the side of the plate." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ March 5 is Multiple Personality Day March 6 is Dentist's Day and National Frozen Food Day March 7 is National Crown Roast of Pork Day March 8 is Be Nasty Day, International Working Women's Day and Popcorn Lover's Day March 9 is Panic Day March 10 is Middle Name Pride Day, Johnny Appleseed Day and Worship of Tools Day - guys, you can relate ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: /) (\ )\.:::::::::./( \( o o )/ '-./ / _.-'`-. ( oo ) / _ \ |'--'/\/ ( \ \ \''/ \| \ \ \ ww | ' ) \ |.' .' | .' .'==|==| / .'\ [_] .-(/\) | / /.-"""'/| | || / | | // | | | || |__|___/ \\ [__[___] // .-'.-' ( ||(__(__.-._) LGB >Scapegoats A couple was having a party at their house. An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots. So she sent her husband out to get some. He was walking to the supermarket and he figured he had lots of time. He stopped at the bar on the way. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and realized that the party had already started. He quickly ran to the market, bought the snails and ran home. He tried to sneak into the kitchen without his wife seeing him, but at that moment she walked in. He quickly threw the snails on the floor and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there." -<>- >First Haircut I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son for his first haircut. Without hesitation, the barber answered, "When he's four." -<>- >Haircut The balding middle-aged man asked his barber, "Why do I have to pay full price for a haircut -- there's so little of it." "Well," said the barber, "actually I only charge a little for cutting it. What you're paying for mostly is my time searching for it." -<>- >Water Hazard A buddy and I were golfing one afternoon and getting somewhat bored with the round; so when we came upon the water hazard with two ducks sitting quietly on the water, I bet him ten bucks he couldn't hit a duck and five dollars he couldn't even get one to move. Being a guy, he took the bet. He launched four tee shots toward the ducks, and even threw two by hand. The ducks still wouldn't budge. Only after he lost six golf balls did he realize the ducks were decoys. -<>- >Potpourri My wife decided to spruce up the old homestead with some-thing called potpourri. She said that it made the house smell better and more inviting... and it's decorative too. I wish she had told me all of this earlier. I thought it was trail mix. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) .-'\ .-' `/\ .-' `/\ \ `/\ \ `/\ \ _- `/\ _.--. \ _- `/`-..--\ ) \ _- `,',' / ,') `-_ - ` -- ~ ,',' `- ,',' \,--. ____==-~ \ \_-~\ `_-~_.-' _ Seal _ \-~ >SMILES My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots as winter approached. The friend got in the car one morning and finally had gotten her boots. "Tina," I commented, "I see you got new boots! Where did you get them?" "At the store," she answered. "Which one?" I asked. She began looking at her new boots and after a pause said, "Both of them!" ---------- One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service? ---------- It was a May-December marriage, and as the old man climbed in to bed for the first time with his new bride, he asked, "Did your mother tell you what to do on your wedding night?" "Yes," she cooed, kissing him lightly, "She told me everything." "Good," said the elderly gentleman as he turned out the light, "because I've forgotten." ---------- A gynecologist decides that he'd had it with gynecology. He wanted to go and fulfill his lifelong dream and become a car mechanic. So he studied hard, and when he felt he was ready, he registered to go take the state licensing test. The results of the test arrived a few weeks later, and with trembling hands he opened the envelope to discover that he passed with flying colors! He got a score of 200 points out of the 100 points possible. "200 points out of 100 points possible?" he asks himself. "How can that be?" So he calls the licensing board and they tell him: "You see sir, you received 50 points for taking the engine apart perfectly, 50 points for putting the engine back perfectly, and 100 EXTRA points for doing it all through the exhaust." ------- // // _ // .' . // '. '_ '_\/_' `_ . . \\ . . .==. ` \\' .' .\| //bd\\ \, \_'`._\\__//_.'`.; `.__ __,' \\ | | \\ | | ` | | | | |____| l42 ==' '== Four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to Oz. After frightening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard. "WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage." "No problem," says the Wizard. "WHO IS NEXT?" Ronald Reagan steps forward and says, "Well... Well... Well... I need a brain." "Done," says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD?" Up steps George Bush sadly: "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart." "I've heard that it's true," says the Wizard. "Consider it done." Then there is a great silence. Bill Clinton just stands there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?" "Is Dorothy around?" ------- _|_ | / \ //_\\ //(_)\\ |/^\| ,%%%% // \\ ,@@@@@@@, ,%%%%/%%% // \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@, @@@%%%\%%//%%%// === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@ @@@@%%%%\%%%%%// =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%#####, @@@@%%%\%%/%%// === \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%######, @@@@@%%%%/%%//| |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%#/#### '@@@@@%%\\/%~ | | ~ @|| %\\//%%%#####; @@\\//@|| | __ __ | || %%||%%'###### '@|| || | | | | | || ||##\//#### || || | | -|- | | || ||'#||###' || || |_|__|__|_| || || || || ||_/` ======= `\__||_._|| || jgs__||_/` ======= `\_||___ >JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH Two boys were walking home from Sunday school. After hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?' The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.' ~~~~~~~~ Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'' The mother replied, 'Because white is the color Of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.' The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?' ~~~~~~~~ Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem. They give him $50.' The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper. He calls it a song, they give him $100.' The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper. He calls it a sermon, and it takes four people to collect the money!' ~~~~~~~~ An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.' ~~~~~~~~ A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He calmly answered, 'Call for backup.' ~~~~~~~~ A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem? A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.' ~~~~~~~~ A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her 5 year old's. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy Father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill..' ~~~~~~~~ At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what's the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.' ~~~~~~~~ You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing! --- ...LOL! Great rib ticklers! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) .-. o \ .-. .----.' \ .'o) / `. o / | \_) /-. '_.` \ \ `. | \ | \ | .--/`-. / / .'.-/`-. `. .\| /.' /`._ `- '-. ____(|__/`-..`- '-._ \ |`------.'-._ ` ||\ \ || # /-. ` / || \| || #/ `--' / /_::_|)__ `|____|-._.-` / ||`--------` \-.___.` | / || # | \ | | || # # | /`.___.'\ |.`|________| | /`.__.'|'.` __/ \ __/ \ /__.-.) /__.-.) LGB >The Flu - how to avoid it... Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C because it builds your immune system. Get plenty of exercise - walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the lift, etc. Wash your hands often. If you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. Get lots of fresh air. Open doors & windows whenever possible. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can. Get plenty of rest. OR Take the doctor's approach. Think about it... When you go for a flu jab, what do they do first? They clean your arm with alcohol... Why? Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS. So... I walk to the pub. (exercise) I put lime in my vodka. (fruit) Celery in my Bloody Mary. (veggies) Drink outdoors on the patio. (fresh air) Tell jokes and laugh. (eliminate stress) Then I pass out. (rest) The way I see it... If you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you! REMEMBER: 'A shot in the glass is better than one in the arm!' Live Well - Laugh Often - Love Much --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Justice With Judge Jeanine 3/3/18 - Eye Opening! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kd11C5vPzLQ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: Another blow was struck in the cause of social justice when officials in the town of Corsicana, Texas bowed to public pressure and removed a hateful icon of racism that had plagued the community. But this time it wasn't a statue of some Civil War Confederate general or despicable slave-owner, but an image of the very soul of racism; a plaster gorilla. The gorilla statue had stood in the park for years, where children would climb and play on it. The plan was to eventually add more animal statues like a tiger and a bear to give the park a circus-themed atmosphere. But after Corsicana Mayor Don Denbow received 45 complaints that the gorilla was offensive, the decision was made to remove it entirely. "The city of Corsicana has recently made the decision to remove a display in Community Park," Denbow said in the statement. "It was determined to be potentially racially insensitive." One long-time resident said she understood the concerns: "The gorilla is a black ape confined in a unbreakable cage. I am sympathetic to the idea that it could be thought of as a metaphor for the institution of slavery." Whaaa? The statue, named Dobby, had been inside a black metal cage in Corsicana's Community Park. Denbow said the empty cage would become a climbing feature, and the city would consider replacing the display. Interestingly enough, residents have started to make counter demonstrations. Odd memorials have been set up around the empty cage and people have organized sit-ins to demand the gorilla's return. And like true politicians, the city administration is now considering a complete flip-flop and bringing Dobby back. Of course, actions like this are just band aids. They don't address the real root of racism, which is, of course, gorillas themselves. No gorillas. No hate. -<>- Neither snow nor rain nor heat, but maybe some naked junk might keep this courier from the swift completion of her appointed rounds. Residents of a Florida resort said they are having problems with a substitute mail carrier who refuses to deliver their packages -- because they're nudists. Hudson residents living at the Eden RV Resort and City Retreat, a clothing-optional compound that includes an RV park as well as small family homes, said their normal U.S. Postal Service mail carrier has no problem delivering packages inside the gates, but recently they have been having trouble with a substitute. Residents said a post office manager told them the mail carrier isn't required to enter the community if nudity offends her. "It offends me that she does not do her job because if she can't do her job, then she shouldn't be having this job," 10-year resort resident Eileen Hudak said. Residents said mail delivered to boxes outside the gate is arriving normally, but the carrier has not been bringing packages. "She marks it undeliverable, whether it fits in the box or it doesn't, so we don't get the mail that day. And sometimes the mail is important. Like with our neighbor, medication sometimes. You can't wait until Monday or Tuesday to go get it," Hudak said. The residents said their normal mail carrier delivers packages to their doors, but they would be satisfied if the substitute would simply drop them off at the main office. Enola Rice, a spokeswoman for the U.S. Postal Service, said the carrier is doing nothing wrong. Rice sent this statement: "In accordance with postal regulations, all mail is left in the appropriate boxes," Rice said. "Packages are left in the large parcel lockers, which, like the mailboxes, are located just outside the entrance to the community. Notices are left for mail requiring signature and items that do not fit in the lockers." She said the carrier is not required to enter the community. "Carriers are not required to deliver beyond the centralized delivery units," Rice said. "We can assure all customers that mail and packages are being delivered according to national centralized delivery requirements. The Postal Service appreciates its customers and strives to provide the best possible service at all times." Mail carriers have refused to deliver to locations in the past for other unusual reasons, including territorial turkeys in Ohio, fear of bedbugs at a Detroit apartment building and multiple homes in Lubbock, Texas, where postal workers determined pets to be too aggressive. *---- Life Raft Crashes Through Woman's Roof ----* A Florida woman said she thought a bomb went off inside her home, but discovered the crash was actually a life raft dropped on her home by the helicopter. Luce Rameau of Miami said she was in her bed talking to a friend on the phone when wood and dust from her roof rained down on her. "I kept screaming, 'What happened? What happened?'" Rameau told local news. Rameau said she thought a bomb had gone off, but she soon discovered the actual cause of the noise and flying debris was an 80-pound life raft that had fallen onto her home from Royal Canadian Air Force CH-146 Griffon helicopter. The Royal Canadian Air Force said the helicopter had been en route to a U.S. Coast Guard Air Station in Opa-Locka for a training exercise when the raft detached. David Lavallee, a Royal Canadian Air Force spokesman, said the cause of the raft's fall is under investigation. He said the air force plans to help Rameau "with accommodations and other support." Miami-Dade Fire Rescue crews said the uninflated six-seat raft was in the bedroom of the home when they arrived. *-- Man Risks Death By Not 'going #2' For 40 Days --* A man has been holding in a bowel movement for over 40 days, seriously risking his own health. Lamarr Chambers was pulled over by police on the January 17 after a chase in Essex, UK, the BBC report. When they looked in his car "officers saw him moving his head towards his hand as if he was eating something." Though the defendant says this was chicken, the police believe he has swallowed drugs. He has since been placed in a cell with a modified toilet that would allow the police to search for any evidence in his stool. Since his arrest he has gone on a "toilet strike" and is refusing to take a poop, restricting his meal intake in order to prevent the inevitable according to prosecutors, though his defense lawyers argue he is genuinely trying to evacuate his bowels. So far he has smashed the previous record of holding in a bowel movement in police custody, which is believed to be 32 days, according to the BBC. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) >21 Rules to Enjoying Life During Our Golden Years Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings, not count the years. Some of us have reached our golden years, and some of us have not. But these suggestions should be read by everyone. They have been collected from many a senior, each with his or her own piece of advice. Some you know, some may surprise you, and some will remind you of what’s important. So read well, share with your loved ones, and have a great day and a great life! 1. It’s time to use the money you saved up. Use it and enjoy it. Don’t just keep it for those who may have no notion of the sacrifices you made to get it. Remember there is nothing more dangerous than a son or daughter-in-law with big ideas for your hard earned capital. 2. Stop worrying about the financial situation of your children and grandchildren, and don’t feel bad spending your money on yourself. You’ve taken care of them for many years, and you’ve taught them what they could. 3. Keep a healthy life, without great physical effort. Do moderate exercise (like walking every day), eat well and get your sleep. It’s easy to become sick, and it gets harder to remain healthy. 4. Always buy the best, most beautiful items for your significant other. The key goal is to enjoy your money with your partner. 5. Don’t stress over the little things. You’ve already overcome so much in your life. You have good memories and bad ones, but the important thing is the present. 6. Regardless of age, always keep love alive. Love your partner, love life, love your family, love your neighbor and remember: “A man is not old as long as he has intelligence and affection.” 7. Be proud, both inside and out. Don’t stop going to your hair salon or barber, do your nails, go to the dermatologist and the dentist, keep your perfumes and creams well stocked. 8. Don’t lose sight of fashion trends for your age, but keep your own sense of style. There’s nothing worse than an older person trying to wear the current fashion among youngsters. 9. ALWAYS stay up-to-date. Read newspapers, watch the news. Go online and read what people are saying. Make sure you have an active email account and try to use some of those social networks. 10. Respect the younger generation and their opinions. They may not have the same ideals as you, but they are the future, and will take the world in their direction. Give advice, not criticism, and try to remind them of yesterday’s wisdom that still applies today. 11. Never use the phrase: “In my time”. Your time is now. As long as you’re alive, you are part of this time. You may have been younger, but you are still you now, having fun and enjoying life. 12. Some people embrace their golden years, while others become bitter and surly. Life is too short to waste your days on the latter. Spend your time with positive, cheerful people, it’ll rub off on you and your days will seem that much better. Spending your time with bitter people will make you older and harder to be around. 13. Do not surrender to the temptation of living with your children or grandchildren (if you have a financial choice, that is). Sure, being surrounded by family sounds great, but we all need our privacy. 14. Don’t abandon your hobbies. If you don’t have any, make new ones. You can travel, hike, cook, read, and dance. You can grow a garden, play cards, checkers, chess, dominoes, and golf. You can paint or use computer to connect with social groups. 15. Even if you don’t feel like it, try to accept invitations, Baptisms, graduations, birthdays, weddings, conferences. Try to go. Get out of the house; meet people you haven’t seen in a while. 16. Be a conversationalist. Talk less and listen more. Some people go on and on about the past, not caring if their listeners are really interested. That’s a great way of reducing their desire to speak with you. Listen first and answer questions, but don’t go off into long stories unless asked to. Speak in courteous tones and try not to complain or criticize too much unless you really need to. 17. Pain and discomfort go hand in hand with getting older. Try not to dwell on them but accept them as a part of the cycle of life we’re all going through. 18. If you’ve been offended by someone – forgive them. If you’ve offended someone – apologize. 19. If you have a strong belief, savor it. But don’t waste your time trying to convince others. They will make their own choices no matter what you tell them, 20. Laugh. Laugh A LOT. Laugh at everything. Remember, you are one of the lucky ones. You managed to have a life, a long one. Many never get to this age. 21. Take no notice of what others say about you and even less notice of what they might be thinking. They’ll do it anyway, and you should have pride in yourself and what you’ve achieved. Let them talk and don’t worry. They have no idea about your history, your memories and the life you’ve lived so far. There’s still much to be written, so get busy writing and don’t waste time thinking about what others might think. Now is the time to be at rest, at peace and as happy as you can be! AND REMEMBER: “Life is too short not to sing, dance, and live happy”. --- ...Excellent Advice! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _..-------++._ _.-'/ | _|| \"--._ __.--'`._/_\j_____/_||___\ `----. _.--'_____ | \ _____ / _j /,---.\ | =o | /,---.\ |_ [__]==// .-. \\==`===========/==// .-. \\=[__] `-._|\ `-' /|___\_________/___|\ `-' /|_.' hjw `---' `---' After shopping for weeks, I finally found the car of my dreams. It was only two years old and in beautiful condition. The salesman asked if I would like to take it for a test drive. We had traveled no more than two miles when the car broke down. The salesman called for a tow truck. When it arrived, we climbed into the front seat. While the driver was hooking up the car, the salesman turned to me with a smile and said, "Well, now, what is it going to take to put you behind the wheel of that beauty today?" -<>- To prepare for my daughter's First Communion, I called the church in the town where we used to live to get a copy of her baptismal certificate. We lived there for only a short while, so I didn't know the clergy well. When the secretary asked me the name of the father, I told her that I couldn't remember. After a brief silence, she said, "Ma'am, I'm talking about the name of the baby's father." -<>- My 10-year-old daughter has decided she is an environmentalist. So she talked me into participating in an aggressive recycling effort with her. Last week she and I took what proved to be 134 pounds of cardboard boxes to the recycling center and earned $1.34. Counting gas and ice cream, we turned a profit of -$7.85. We're going to use generally accepted accounting principles and see if we can apply this amount to our taxable income. -<>- A small boy stunned his parents after church one Sunday when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes, and quarters. Finally his mother asked the obvious question: "Where did you get all that money?" "At Sunday school," the boy replied enthusiastically. "They got bowls of it!" -<>- Last October my wife bought a magnolia tree from the local nursery, but after only a few weeks the leaves shriveled. It appeared to be on its last legs. My wife took some leaf samples and marched into the nursery to demand an explanation. "I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia," said the manager. "Good," said my wife. "What's it suffering from?" "Autumn," he replied. -<>- Longtime friends were celebrating their 50th anniversary. One of their sons gave a loving toast, finishing with, "and thank you for having such a beautiful marriage." "Thank you for making it necessary," the father joked. In the silence that followed, his wife whispered, "Not him. He's the second son." -<>- A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse. "I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him. The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room. Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. "Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes." -<>- During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self-defense. After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?" The student replied, "BIG ones." ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: _ ( | | __,--./|.--,__ .` \ \ / / `. .` \ | / `. / / ^|^ \ \ / / | |o | \ \ /===/ | | | \===\ /___/ | |o | \___\ | | | | |o | | | | | |o | | | | | |o | jgs |_____/\_____| >What Would You Get? A grandfather couldn't decide which jacket to buy for his granddaughter, so he asked the young salesman. "If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend," the grandfather asked, "what would you get?" "A bulletproof one," the salesman said. "I'm married." -<>- >The Cross-Eyed Dog A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "Why? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy." -<>- >Two Cows in the Field Two cows were standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy. -<>- `-.__.-*-. .-*+- .-*'\: `-._/ .' .' ; .-' `._ .' / `-. `. / .-' `+. `. .' / .'\ `-. ; / / `. ` \ | _.' : \ \ | `-.-'/ _ '|\ \ ; ; `. : / / / .' `./.: ; ,|;: | \ \ . .-' .' .-'/ ;|| ::| | `. ; ; : / / .-' .' / :: ' :\ ,: | ,*"*-:' / /.'.-*' .'; ', / ; ; \ :.-*"*. |'TP' .-'.'' / .-' , //.' : ' . : '.s$P`| ; / .' .'/ .' .' <_.' ` |/ : '\ T$P : |/_.-*" /.'.-' ___ \ ___ |/ db. `. | .-'_.-' ; .' s$$$$$s ; s$$$$$s ; d$$ `-.+-; .'.-'_.-*' d$b T$$$$$P T$$$$$P/.d$$$b , /.'.-'\ \ ;/ $$ """ : """ ` $$ TP / : .' \ /, d$$ ; $$b / |/ [bug] ,:-. \ .-*' ' |; \__;`. ,' . `. / :__/ : | ; ; : | : `._ _.' ; "*--*" ` ` ' \ \ .-*--*-. / \ ;*""**""*: / `. :`. .'; .' \ `.`""'.' / `. `""' .' `.__.' >Quotes Taken from "Actual" Federal Employee Performance Evaluations 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." 2. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 3. "This employee is not really so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be." 4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." 5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet." 6. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." 7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." 8. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." 9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." 10. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better." 11. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together. 12. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. 13. He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier. 14. I would like to go hunting with him sometime. 15. He's been working with glue too much. 16. He would argue with a sign post. 17. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room. 18. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell. 19. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one. 20. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on. -<>- ____ .--`` _``--. /`- __- -\ \ \\`'. // /` `\ \ \\ \ \ / /.` `. \ \ _\'. .-. |// ,,, `._.-` `'.-. / \/ .'` `'. .'` `'. \ / \ /` /=. |/ .--. \/ .--. \ _ `\ /` \ | / ` || / ` | /-& `\ `\ .'-: | : || | : -'. /` `\ | '\ '/ \\ ..` | /` `\ \ (_ `--'` ~~ `'--` _) / /` (_) `--..________..--` (_) `-.___ `-==-` ___.-` /; `-.____.-` `\ /; # \ /: ^ _.-$ \ |# |=====----` _.|# | | _|&====----'` |# | |_.` |##? | `._| | |## | | \_.-``.? .``-._/ | /\ \ / /\ | \ \ `. ____ |` / / \_\ _ /_/ | ` ^ | |# / \ |# |# `. |# |# | .` |# | |? \% \ |# | : --- | |_________| | \ / \ / )(_(_( \ / ) _) _/(__\ >Q and A Quickies Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A: A fsh. Q: Where do killer whales go to get braces? A: The orca-dontist! Q: What did the bee say when he returned to the hive? A: Honey, I'm home! Q: What is the best way to carve wood? A: Whittle by whittle! Q: When two snakes marry, what do their towels say? A: Hiss and Hers. Q: How can you identify a smarta%&? A: He's the one with the wise crack. Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A: A tuba toothpaste. Q: Where do pencils go for vacation? A: Pencil-vania. ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: ,d88b, ,_-~\ __.__888888__.___.._.__._.__._...___._._. _.' \ `\ __.__._.._Seal_.__ --_-_--- _.-'~~~~---__-' `\ _- -__-_- - _.-' -~~- __ --,. __~ -_-- - _.-' _ _ -- - ' ,' ,-' _ _ _.-' _ - ' Got lost ; - _ _ - _.-' -' on the ocean !! ' :_- _ - - - .-' / Can you find me? / ; _ - - - _~- _~ ~_ -'_ _ _ _ _ - -_ -~ _~ _ - >Real Newspaper Ads **3-year-old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred. ** Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. ** Vacation special: Have your house exterminated. ** Dinner Specials: Turkey $3.25 Chicken or Beef $2.75 Children $2.00. ** Illiterate? Write today for free help. ** Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. ** Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. ** Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. ** Stock up and save. Limit: one. ** Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. ** Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale. ** For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. ** Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. ** We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. ** Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. -<>- __ ___ (_ ) / _) ,\_' '_; .-.-. _, .-.-. /| _\ \ \ / /_ |\ ` \/\_| '--,. ' |/\_/ ' | _ ;_ ;_ | ,.\\/_) < /.)`, \ | `-/ \ | |/ o o o | | \ | | \\_ ,-_-_ _' [n4biS] >Top Ten Signs You Need to Start Eating More 10. You've slipped through three sewer grates this week! 9. What you call "a three-course meal" other people refer to as "an asparagus." 8. Since they installed the automatic door at the corner shop, you cannot enter alone. 7. You fell out of a tree and didn't hit the ground for 10 minutes. 6. Your stomach starts to hurt whenever you see how much bread the ducks at the pond are eating. 5. Your son wins the 'Best Decorated Kite' award, although he and you were only spectators. 4. The bus doesn't stop because you were hidden behind the sign. 3. Your pajamas only have one stripe. 2. You break wind and knock yourself over. 1. You have to run around in the shower to get wet. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Notes to God http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cnotes.html Snow Fun 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowfun3.html Amazing Bus Stops http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bus.html Worlds Fastest Cars! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html Texas Outhouse Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html Telephone Sheep Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/phonesheep.html Worlds Largest Holes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/holes.html MacGyver - How To Do It! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver.html Dirty Car Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carart.html Pet Helpers! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pethelpers.html Freaky Art Vans! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artvan.html Animals First Snow http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/animalsfirstsnow.html Come Smile With Me http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smilewithme.html Amazing Air Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aircars.html -<>- >Please Visit/Follow Me On StumbleUpon: https://tinyurl.com/yd38pcyp Some of Shangrala's Best Pages http://www.amazfamily.com/index.html -<>- Kangaroo vs. Kangaroo | National Geographic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tHZb_nBRQ8 Impatient Elephant Disobeys Railway Rules https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ktjx9yDIO8 Why Don't Humans Ride Zebras? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMpMxaX3Kdg The rules of this game are simple: sketch something and then swap it with a sketch someone else has created. It's fun to draw and see what others have drawn before you! http://www.sketchswap.com/ Have you ever been looking in the phone book when you noticed a funny listing that made you chuckle? Well, that is what the Funny Name Server is all about. Their team of researchers has spent countless hours thousands of funny, interesting, strange, and offensive names in phone books from all over the New York tri-state area. http://www.funnyname.com/ -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) She sent us one we have here: Incredible Wildlife Photos! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildlife.html --- ...I do love this series! Thanks LouiseAu! Every winner of the Academy Award for Best Cinematography from 1927 to 2016 - a 8-minute journey into film history. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqvblRXwWVo --- ...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The CEO of SeaWorld has stepped down. He's going to be getting a $10 million retirement package - if he can jump up and catch it with his mouth." -Conan O'Brien "The University of Texas has decided to allow students to carry guns in the classroom. The school says it's a guaranteed way to prevent the possibility of a pop quiz." -Seth Meyers "Whole Foods is looking into the idea of putting tattoo parlors in their grocery stores. Even so, the people walking out of Whole Foods with the biggest sense of regret will still be whoever just paid $8 for an apple." -Jimmy Fallon "Department store Neiman Marcus is selling a Dolce & Gabbana toaster for $600. Or, for the same results, just buy a regular toaster and put $600 in it." -Seth Meyers "Starbucks has unveiled a new rewards system. Previously, you needed only 12 rewards 'Stars' to get a free drink; you now need 125. This has made Starbucks customers very angry. I mean, this is all so frustrating. If only there was some way for people to make their own coffee, at home." -James Corden "Hasbro announced they are making a new version of Monopoly to appeal to a younger generation. That means it won't come with any cash, so you'll have to borrow some from your parents' Monopoly set." -Jimmy Fallon "A new study from the University of Sussex found that horses can recognize human emotions based on our facial expressions. Yet another reason you should never play poker with a horse -- and they never pitch in for the pizza." -Stephen Colbert "Starbucks is going to start carrying coconut milk. If you want to stay competitive in the coffee business you've got to consistently provide your customers with new ways to make their orders more annoying." -Jimmy Kimmel "Researchers say much of Florida could be underwater by the end of the century. On the bright side, they say it could happen much sooner." -Conan O'Brien "A man broke a Guinness world record by walking barefoot on a 120-foot path of loose Legos. This beats the old record set by every dad getting up to use the bathroom at night." -Jimmy Fallon "In the news yesterday, North Korea suggested that it would like to reunite with South Korea. I think something's up because today South Korea gave North Korea its Netflix password." -Conan O'Brien "If you don't know what it is, the World Economic Forum is an annual gathering of the super rich. It's funny how super rich people hang out together. You don't see that at other income levels. 'You make 80 grand a year? Me too! Well, let's go do something, take a trip.'" -Jimmy Kimmel "Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul." - Marilyn Monroe >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************