Scents Men Would Appreciate And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) ,--. ,---. / '. / \ \ ; \-| (- -) /`v'\/; ,-----/ ,---/)--. ,' ; ( /////// ) /) ,---| -`-----(\' ; | ---- | ' (| ,-| ---- |-. | /| ---- |\ | |/ | ---- | \| \ : ---- ; | \ \ -- / / ; \ / : / / \/ \ \ /) (\ -hrr- .: Ralph & Son :. If you have ever been bitten by a flea, you know how painful they can be as well as irritating and very itchy. Think of your poor fur baby. They are the main target of fleas. If you are getting bit by fleas, chances are, they are suffering far more. The problem begins with some scratching here and there. Maybe you spot some tiny specks around the house that you might’ve missed before. Maybe that beautiful hair that was so thick is looking a tad thin these days. Before you know it - yep. It’s confirmed. Fido has fleas. And you’d better check Fluffy the Cat, too. One estimation finds that for every adult flea found on your pet, there are at least 100 immature ones hanging around. You can see what they leave behind. It’s called “flea dirt,” and it looks a little like pepper. The specks are actually bits of dried blood that will turn from black, to brown, and finally back to red if you rehydrate them on a wet paper towel. Fleas lay eggs on your pet - tiny white ovals - that mostly fall off into the environment around it (your bed, the dog bed, the carpet, that favorite chair), only to hatch a few days later into flea larvae. You can see larvae, too. They're little, squiggly, worm-looking things with brown heads that will feed on all those specks until they wrap themselves up into a cocoon called a pupa. From larva to pupa takes only about 3-4 weeks. After that, they’re fully grown fleas, looking for a ride and a little of your pet's (or your) blood. With a large infestation of fleas, some pets (especially smaller kittens or pups) could be in danger of anemia, or a loss of red blood cells. Fleas can take in up to 15 times their body weight in blood. Fleas are, in the strictest sense of the word, pests. But they can be way more than that. They can transmit disease (to humans, too) and cause life-threatening problems for your pet. And don't think your fur babies are safe just because they are inside only pets. Fleas can easily be carried into your house just by people walking in. The best way to keep you and your pet safe from these blood sucking pests is to treat them once a month with a leading flea killer. That is why I am most pleased to announce that we have a new sponsor. BudgetPetCare.com is a leading online supplier of pet health care products. .-. o \ .-. .----.' \ .'o) / `. o / | \_) /-. '_.` \ \ `. | \ | \ | .--/`-. / / .'.-/`-. `. .\| /.' /`._ `- '-. ____(|__/`-..`- '-._ \ |`------.'-._ ` ||\ \ || # /-. ` / || \| || #/ `--' / /_::_|)__ `|____|-._.-` / ||`--------` \-.___.` | / || # | \ | | || # # | /`.___.'\ |.`|________| | /`.__.'|'.` __/ \ __/ \ /__.-.) /__.-.) LGB Right now they have an awesome sale on their flea products: Frontline for Cats: Buy 4 Get 4 Doses Free + Extra Discount & Free Shipping https://tinyurl.com/y35ypdn3 Oh, Don't worry, they've got your dog covered too! Buy Online Cheap Advantage For Dogs with Free Shipping in US https://tinyurl.com/y333x3p4 What I like about our new sponsor is that everything that you purchase by clicking through these ads to their online store, not only saves you big money on your pet's health needs, it also helps keep Shangrala alive! And they ship almost world wide! I'll be adding more sponsors to help us out as time goes on. Right now is a great time to save big and stock up to keep your little furry friends free of those nasty blood sucking pests! -<>- >HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press This super too hot to handle new page is from our friends Linda, LouiseAu and PatDeE. It is sure to tickle your funny bone and give you plenty of Smiles for your day. Be sure to check out this one Here: _______ ______ ' ' ' ' ( BUD ) _______ ( WISE ) ,_ _____, / \ ,___ __, | | ER | | \ | | / oO)-. \___ ___/ .-(Oo /__ _\ | /_ __\ \ \( | / | )/ / \__|\ | ()~() | /|__/ ' '--' (-___-) '--' ' ==`-'== Steve Humorous Signs 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns5.html --- ...TeeHee! So Funny! Thanks my Friends! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: | | _ | _/=\_ | _/=====\_ | '-\-' / \ ' , ' /(o)| __)-(____ /|^^^| / <\/> __/_|\/^| / /| : | /__|^^^| / / | : |/___|^^^| /_/ }===={)___|^^^|\ .-. ((' |) (| )__|^^^|_\ ______/o ) \\ | | )_|^^^|/ \----- ( / _____ '\ | | | \|^^^| \ / \ // ||||| ___\| | |____|^^^|__________\ / \\\\///__||||| /___)| | |___///|\\\_____=____\_/(___\\)/___|()|| /___( |__|_|__////|\\\\ __ ___-______| | \____||||| /__=__)(___)__)^^^^^^^^^( ;__________| |______||||| /_____(___________________)___________" "____=__||||| ________________________________________________||||| ||||| _________ |OOShy A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked. -<>- "Can anyone tell me," asked the teacher, "why the Middle Ages are often called the Dark Ages?" Sally raised her hand and shouted, "Because they had so many knights?" -<>- An elementary school teacher decides to poll the class on the difficulty of last night's homework assignment. "How many people were able to complete the assignment without parent's help?" About 25% of the class raises their hands. "How many people were able to complete the assignment with the help of a parent?" About 70% of the class raises their hands. The teacher still notices about 5% of the class did not raise their hands. She then calls out, "How many people had to help a parent complete your assignment?" -<>- It seems in this day and time you can't go into an area dominated by a woman without detecting the 'aroma' (odorous terribilis) of some kind of bizarre scented candle. Everything from 'Boysenberry Vanilla Potpourri' to 'Spice Orange Jasmine Chocolate'. Sometimes it gives me a headache! /\ / \ \/\/ ~| !~~--! |` , ! |'` | | | ______|____|_______ \ / \_______________/ Clinton James Well, it's about time men had their own scented candles. Below you will find a few scents men would appreciate. '62 Chevy truck - Interior and Exhaust Gunpowder Wet Dog (only if it's your own dog) Frying Bacon (actually, a lot of different fried foods) Wood Smoke Chainsaw Exhaust Freshly Caught Bass Ozone (arc welder, of course) Acetylene Freshly Moved Dirt Silage Sawdust New Tires Hot Metal 3 Year Old Cap Ammonia Fertilizer (light, of course) Burning Grass or Leaves Alfalfa Firecrackers Latex Paint ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 20 Be a Millionaire Day - now we all can go for that and Pick Strawberries Day May 21 is National Memo Day, National Waiters and Waitresses Day and Victoria Day (Canada) May 22 is Buy a Musical Instrument Day and World Goth Day May 23 is Lucky Penny Day May 24 is Don't Fry Friday and National Escargot Day May 25 is International Jazz Day, National Missing Children's Day, National Brown Bag It Day, National Towel Day - in the UK, National Wine Day and Tap Dance Day May 26 is Sally Ride Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _________________ /________________/| _,-----._ | _______________ || _,-'. _,-' _ ---`-. |[_______________]|| _,-' .`. _'_ __'.|__`. `. |\ | || ,-' , `. `.`-.,-' `-. \,`.`. \ .------| \ | || | __ (_`._ ` ,' / `.`. _,-' '------| / | || \ \,`. ) / _,' \ _,-' |/ | .. ,--. /. || `.`. ,' _,-' `.-' | \\((__))' ,` || `-.___,-'_,-' | `-;--:-' || |_________________|/ jrei >Mail Call During mail call one evening at Marine Corps boot camp, I received several letters from home. The drill instructor was getting irritated at having to keep calling my name. "You must have a lot of people at home who like you, huh?" he barked. "Sir, no, sir!" I shouted. "Oh, so you're calling me a liar?" goaded the DI. Trained as a Marine to think quickly on my feet, I yelled out, "Sir, creditors, sir!" The DI had to leave the room so we wouldn't see him laughing. -<>- >Photo Shoot Two weeks after my one-year-old's photo shoot, I returned to the studio to view the pictures on a color monitor. The photographer started describing the merits of each photo, but as he went through the set, he spoke so quickly that I couldn't get a word in as he pressed home his sales pitch. Finally, after we'd seen all 20 poses, he asked me which ones I was most interested in. "None," I replied. "This isn't my child." -<>- >Optometrist We were helping customers when the store optometrist walked by and flirted with a co-worker. Of course, we all had to stop what we were doing to tease her. But she quickly dismissed the notion of a budding romance. "Can you imagine making out with an optometrist?" she asked. "It would always be, 'Better like this...or like this?'" -<>- >Dog IQ A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: If you spend $39.95 to see this video, it proves your dog is the smarter one. -<>- / ) (\__/) ( ( ) ( ) ) ={ }= / / ) `-------/ / ( / \ | ,'\ , ,' `-'\ ,---\ | \ _) ) `. \ / (__/ ) ) hjw (_/ >Laws of Cat Physics LAW OF CAT INERTIA - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. LAW OF CAT MOTION - A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. LAW OF CAT THERMODYNAMICS - Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat. FIRST LAW OF CAT ENERGY CONSERVATION - Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. LAW OF BAG/BOX OCCUPANCY - All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. LAW OF FURNITURE REPLACEMENT - A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. LAW OF PILL REJECTION - Any pill given to a cat has potential energy to reach escape velocity. LAW OF CAT COMPOSITION - A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-matter + It Doesn't Matter. LAW OF SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM - Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space. LAW OF CAT OBEDIENCE - As yet undiscovered. -<>- >Waterproofing The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she'd died and gone to heaven when she got my very patient son on the phone. At the end of her very long sales pitch, she asked, "Do you mind if we send someone out to give you an estimate?" "Not at all," my son said. "When would be a good time?" "As soon as I dig a basement," he replied. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) .... .: :..:::::' ..:.::'''' ''' .. . . .':: ::'' .. .. .::'' ''' ':::' .::.':: .'..::::::. ..:.::::: '.. :.'.:''' ...:''' '':'::':' '' :^ ^ 'o> .:''' :..' '. ''''':: ': ......... : :. ...::''' ' ' '''::. .:: ':::.:':''''' :::':. .::' ::: ::' ::. ...::. .::' . '''.' . :. '::. ::... . .'.''':::. ':. ....:::::':::::. ':::.. .:' .:'.:.'::::::' ' ':::.. ':::::. ....:::::.. .:::::::'' ' '':. '':' .':.:.:::::::'. ...:: '' .'.'' .':'::' LGB .::' .'':: ' ':':'.. . '''.' >SMILES Two men are hunting in the woods, a deer crosses their path and in the ensuing confusion, one hunter shoots the other with his gun. The shot man drops to the ground silent and appears to be near death. The shooter calls 911 and tells the operator, Help, I think I just killed my friend! The 911 operator replies, Ok sir, first things first, let's make sure your friend is dead. The shooter replies, Hang on a second. The sound of a gunshot can be heard by the operator. The man returns to the phone and replies, Alright, now what? ---------- A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. "This is the Masterson diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it." "What's the curse?" the man asked. "Mr. Masterson." ---------- The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" The teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and I hate history." ---------- At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!" ---------- The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, "I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?" One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful." "I see. And what did you use to break the bars?" The warden asked. Replied the spokesman, "French Toast..." -------- As a teacher, I know that kindergarten has always been a place to learn important lessons. So, one day when I was visiting the school where my husband was the principal, I went to discover that "place of wonder", kindergarten. There, I noticed a little girl busily slapping paint on an easel. To my eye, her creation seemed to be nothing more that a big red blob. "Tell me about your painting." I said. The young artist stopped painting. She backed away from the easel and gave her work a careful look. Then she heaved a heavy sigh and exclaimed, "It's a turkey!" After what seemed an eternity, she added. "And tomorrow, I'm going to put the skin on it!" ---------- Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click', and I wrote 'click'." ---------- My older son loves school, but his younger brother Tommy absolutely hates it. One weekend Tommy cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday. Sunday morning on the way home from church, the crying and whining built to a crescendo. At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, "Honey, it's a law. If you don't go to school, they'll put Mommy in jail." Tommy looked at me, thought a moment, then asked, "How long would you have to stay?" ---------- Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard." ---------- What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Southern zoo? On the cage in a Yankee zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin. A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe. --- ...Oh My! HaHAHa! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: , /\^/`\ | \/ | | | | \ \ / '\\//' || || || || , |\ || |\ | | || | | | | || / / \ \||/ / jgs `\\//` ^^^^^^^^ Whether you pick them from the yard or grab a bunch at the supermarket, sunny tulips are certain to brighten any corner of your home! The pro secret to beautiful blooms? Wrap the stems in a sheet of newspaper, then place them in a vase filled with cold water for one hour. This allows the tulips to hydrate in an upright position so they stay relatively straight, which makes them look livelier. After an hour, remove the paper and display. -<>- Get your tootsies ready for sandal season with a relaxing soak! Foot soaks soothe skin and help reduce pain, swelling, and inflammation. What to do? Fill a basin with warm water, 1/2 cup of Epsom salts, and a few drop of your favorite essential oil. If you have fresh flowers, add some pedals to the warm water. The coars salts exfoliate dead skin cells and nix inflammation, and the flowers and/or oils add a relaxing scent. Soak your feet for 30 minutes, then slather on moisturizing coconut oil. -<>- ____ .---[[__]]----. ;-------------.| ____ | || .--[[__]]---. | || ;-----------.| | || | || jgs |_____________|/ | || |___________|/ Pack like a pro this travel season Free up your suitcase by following the 3:1 rule. What's the 3:1 rule? It's an easy way to pare down what you pack. Take three tops for every bottom. Just pick bottom that do triple duty, such as jeans or black pants, which you can dress up with accessories. -<>- Banish back aches by taking a load off Sounds too good to be true, but shirking your responsibilities for extra downtime eases backaches now and helps prevent discomfort later. AND reach for a pillow...placing a pillow under your knees (for back sleepers) or between your knees (for side sleepers) removes 55 pounds of pressure from your back, allowing inflamed tissues to heal while you snooze. -<>- Ease coffee stains with a salty ice scrub To lift stubborn stains from unofficial kitchen 'appliances' - namely your coffee pot or teapot - add 5 ice cubes, 4 tsp of salt and 1 tbs of white vinegar to carafe. The vinegar breaks down coffee and tea stains while the ice and salt create scrubbing power that removes them. Swirl the mixture, then clean your pot with soap and water before using. -<>- Windows of opportunity Clean your windows by adding 1/4 cup of vinegar to 2 or 3 cups of water. Some recipes call for a few drops of liquid detergent, and still others suggest you use only lemon juice added to water. You can use a newspaper to wipe, if newspaper inks don't bother you, or use a clean old cotton rag. -<>- Guard windows with strategic landscaping Prickly plants can form a modern 'moat' around windows. Rose shrubs, blackberries, and firethorn all sport a healthy crop of thorns that will deter burglars. You can also protect windows just by using thick curtains and keeping them closed when you aren't home - if would-be bad guys can't see inside, they can't tell if it's safe to enter and will move on. -<>- | ____________ ____________ | / O * maytag \ / O O maytag \ | |____________| |____________| | | ____________ || | | || ||| | | || ]||| | | /\ ____ || ||| | _______ | [| ||Tide|||____________||| | |#####| | __|__||____||______________||______________|__|#####|___| |#####| jro\ Keep valuables safe by stashing them here Where is the best place to stash your treasures? The laundry room! It's a low-priority location for thieves because it rarely contains valuables, and most burglars want to get in and out of your house as quickly as possible. Also smart... Hide valuables on shelves above eye level. The average burglary takes just nine minutes - they aren't going to take the time to reach high up. -<>- Banish Blemishes with a Honey Spot Treatment There is a lot more to honey than being sweet! The natural sweetener has natural anti-septic, anti-bacterial, and anti- inflammatory properties! Its anti-bacterial properties can help fight acne-causing bacteria, and because honey keeps the skin very well-hydrated and balanced it helps control the production of oil! Try It! Mix 2 crushed aspirin tablets with 1 tsp of honey to form a paste. Apply onto blemishes and let it sit for 10 minutes before rinsing with water. -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: Cover pans when cooking: Whenever you cook on the hob, always try to cover the pans - this reduces the amount of energy that escapes from open pans, plus the amount of time it takes to heat up food and boil water. -<>- Contribute Monthly to Your Savings Account Make it a point to add a dedicated amount to your savings at the end of each month. Even if it's just a few dollars, the savings can add up and it will keep you from spending it frivolously. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Thank God For Heroes: Thousands honor teen who died trying to stop Colorado school shooting Kendrick Castillo's friends and loved ones honored the 18-year-old's character and the accomplishments of his short life. May he rest in peace knowing he did not die in vain - he saved his fellow students. https://tinyurl.com/y3fngcdn Ex-Oregon football player stops gunman at school https://tinyurl.com/y5c78yjl 'Heroes' lead police to Texas girl who was abducted while walking with her mother, police say https://tinyurl.com/y6r244s2 Justice With Judge Jeanine 5/18/19 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYLjwR9QVUQ HERE’S HOW THE ASYLUM SYSTEM IS BEING EXPLOITED https://tinyurl.com/y4ubzoa8 JIM CARREY WISHES ALABAMA GOV. KAY IVEY WAS ABORTED https://tinyurl.com/y3o6arkf MIKE PENCE GETS STANDING OVATION DESPITE STUDENT WALKOUT AT COMMENCEMENT https://tinyurl.com/y4e2jfe5 REPUBLICAN Calls For Trump’s IMPEACHMENT He is throwing President Trump under the bus… http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-12sql8-jm54c7-b61d11g0/ TRENDING: Trump Wants Investigation Into Biden’s FOREIGN Ties What is Biden hiding? Trump is now on to it... (why would we want more corruption - like Hillary - in the White House?) http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-12sql8-jm54ca-b61d11g2/ Ocasio-Cortez MOCKS The BIBLE - This is the highest form of disrespect. http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-12sql8-jm54ce-b61d11g6/ Ocasio-Cortez Makes STUPIDEST Comment Yet - She has resorted to making childish arguments. But this one is out of this world! http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-12sql8-jm54cg-b61d11g8/ A potentially deadly disease once thought to be wiped out - Survival Update - Typhus Returns? https://tinyurl.com/y6gdgpvu Westwing News: https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Beef, Salads, Soap http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Free to click for Free: https://www.greatergood.com/emails/2019/reminder-051919-THS-w.html -<>- >From BizarreNews: I doubt they'll make a movie out of it, but a Nebraska farmer showed grit, determination, fearlessness and an indomitable will to live, not to mention incredible carelessness, when he stuck his foot in a grain auger. Kurt Kaser was unloading corn before he climbed out of his truck and accidentally stepped on the piece of equipment that is used to transport grain. It has a part inside resembling a large drill-bit and it caught hold of his foot. Kaser said, "I can remember seeing it start and I go, 'this ain't good'." Kaser said he became caught as the device pulled at his leg, tearing away skin, muscle and tissue. "And then when my foot was in the there banging around, I was trying to hold my leg, pulling it out." He didn't have his mobile phone with him, and he said there was no one around to help. He feared he might pass out as the machine pulled on his leg. Mr. Kaser continued: "I about gave up and said, 'Whatever happens happens.' But then, all at once, I thought of my pocket knife." The farmer said at one point he nearly dropped the three to four-inch blade into the auger, but once he had a good grip he started sawing off his leg about eight inches below the knee. Mr Kaser said he doesn't remember experiencing much pain and he didn't notice a lot of blood. He continued: "Adrenaline kicked in so much that I don't know if it hurt or not." Once he had amputated his own leg Mr. Kaser had to crawl about 150 to 200 feet on rock and gravel to the nearest phone. A medical helicopter arrived and flew him to a trauma centre about 90 miles away in Lincoln. The farmer confessed it was not the first time he had got his limb stuck in an auger, having injured his right leg in one a few years ago. He continued: "But that's why they call them accidents I guess." -<>- Breastfeeding is a natural, beautiful thing. It used to be frowned upon in certain public places, but these days there is virtually nowhere where a woman is not welcomed to engage in this wholesome, nurturing activity. So it was a bit of a surprise when a woman in Newark, NJ was asked by a manager to leave a McDonald's for breastfeeding. Of course, she is suing the establishment for violating her rights, but the manager claims it's not the fact that she was breastfeeding, but WHAT she was breastfeeding. 32-year-old Adele Albright's lawyer, John O'Keefe, states that, "Forty-nine states, the District of Columbia and the Virgin Islands have laws that specifically allow women to breastfeed in any public or private location." While the manager maintains that McDonald's has a strict no animal policy. Because Albright was allegedly breastfeeding her 6-week-old puppy. "The law clearly specifies that a mother shall be entitled to breast feed in any location of a place of public accommodation," her lawyer argued. "Whether she is breast- feeding her 8-month-old son, a horse or a chimpanzee is irrelevant," he added. Although Miss Albright says she covered herself and sat far away from other customers, owner Steve Owens claims many of his customers complained and were indisposed by the scene. "When I realized it wasn't a baby but a puppy that was sucking on her tits, I started puking all over myself," explained one customer. Albright is suing the fast food restaurant chain for $1.1 million dollars over the incident. *--- Smile: Big Brother is Watching ---* According to dailymail.co.uk, police fined a pedestrian 90 pounds for disorderly behaviour after he tried to cover his face when he saw a controversial facial recognition camera on a street in London. Officers set up the camera on a van in Romford, East London, which then cross-checked photos of faces of passers-by against a database of wanted criminals. But one man was unimpressed about being filmed and covered his face with his hat and jacket, before being stopped by officers who took his picture anyway. After being pulled aside, the man told police: 'If I want to cover me face, I'll cover me face. Don't push me over when I'm walking down the street.' The officer told him: 'Calm yourself down or you're going in handcuffs. It's up to you.' The cameras have been rolled out in a trial in parts of Britain, but their use has sparked a privacy debate. This comes just weeks after it was claimed the new technology incorrectly identified members of the public in 96 per cent of matches made between 2016 and 2018. *--- The Power of Beer ---* A North Carolina brewery's post promising a free keg party in exchange for the return of their stolen van went viral so fast the vehicle was located in 42 minutes. The Unknown Brewing Company in Charlotte said in a Facebook post that it would put on "a keg party" for anyone who found the van, which was stolen early Monday morning. "Please help us find it. Share with all of your friends. Who ever finds it, Brad will buy you a keg party!" the post said. "If you stole it and bring it back, you will also get a keg party (smile for the camera). Please DM us if you see it." The brewery said the post was almost immediately shared hundreds of times, leading to more than 15 tips being called in about the van and a photo of the stolen vehicle's current whereabouts being posted on Instagram within 42 minutes of the Facebook post. The brewery said it is aiming to reward the whole city for their help. "We wanted to thank all of you for helping us get our van back, by commenting, sharing and sending us tips via direct message," the brewery said. "This week we will brew Van Theft Auto, when it releases, we will be selling it for 25 cents a pint (to cover taxes). That's as close to a free keg party as we can do for you, Charlotte." *--- Wife Shoots Husband ---* A man who Florida authorities originally said accidentally shot himself in a supermarket checkout line was actually shot by his wife's gun. The Pasco County Sheriff's Office told the Tampa Bay Times on Monday that deputies' investigation shows that 69-year-old Vernon Messier was shot Sunday when his wife's purse fell off a counter at a Land O' Lake Publix, causing the two-shot derringer inside to fire. The bullet struck Messier in the shin. Deputies said 67-year-old Lillian Messier has a concealed weapons permit. No charges are expected and deputies said Vernon Messier is recovering. *--- Maybe He Needed to Use the Carpool Lane ---* An Arizona police officer who pulled over an Oklahoma man driving on Interstate 10 got more than he bargained for when he spotted the man's dead wife in the passenger seat, police say. Rodney Puckett, 70, told the officer that his wife, Linda Puckett, 74, had died at a Texas hotel earlier in their trip, Eloy police wrote in a release. He told police that he put her body in the passenger seat to continue on to their destination, officers wrote. Eloy police arrested Rodney Puckett on suspicion of abandonment or concealment of a body, police wrote. Detectives are working with Texas authorities to investigate Linda Puckett's death. The couple had been in the process of divorcing. Well, that explains it. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '===================================== ,sSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "( .:. SSS@ =/ \~/ C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________] \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ >I'll Have A Double A guy walked into a bar and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like him. -<>- >What Seems to be the Trouble? Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say. Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? -<>- >Q and A Quickies * * _ /\ * ___. / `) * //\\ /\ ///\\ / / ///\\\ //\\/\ ////\\\ / / /\ ////\\\\///\\/\\.-~~-.///\\\\ / / //\\ /////\\\\///\\/ `\\\\\\/ / ///\\ //////\\\\// / `\\\\/ / ////\\ ///////\\\\\// `~` /\ /////\\ ////////\\\\\/ ,_____, ,-~ \\\__//////\\\ ////////\\\\/ /~| |/////| |\\\\\\\\@//jro/\\ //< / /|__|/////|__|///////~|~/////\\ ~~~ ~~ ` ~ .. ~ ~ . ~` ` '. ~ _ - -~. .' .` ~ ., '. ~~ . '. Q: What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A: A dino-snore! Q: What is fast, loud and crunchy? A: A rocket chip! Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A: A pouch potato! Q: What did the tired criminal need? A: Arrest. Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? A: They lactose. Q: What kind of tree fits in your hand? A: A palm tree! Q: What is worse than raining cats and dogs? A: Hailing taxis! Q: What is a tornado's favorite game to play? A: Twister! Q: Where do pencils go on vacation? A: Pencil-vania. Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry? A: Because they are always stuffed! Q: What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook? A: Wet feet! .-""-. ; .-. ; oo _.('.__.' :-..__// i".._'-.__.'_.._.-" fsc Q: What do you do when two snails have a fight? A: Leave them to slug it out! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old friend John, "How come you aren't married?" ___ # /_,/\ |/ ? /" ( | , )\ .Y___ / /__/\ \____ \(__ ,- / \_/ \ / (\ |/| / < _____ _> \ |. ||\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\------'-----' '-' |\/ b'ger John: "I haven't found the right woman yet." George: "So what are you looking for?" John: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, a good cook and house keeper, she's got to know how to handle finances, have a forgiving personality -- and money, she's got to have money, and if she has her own house it wouldn't hurt either." George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!" John: "Oh, it's okay if she's crazy." -<>- I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home, and I took my computer down to the bar to do some work. I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender, "What's the wifi password?" Bartender: "You need to buy a drink first." Me: "Okay, I'll have a beer." Bartender: "We have Molsons Canadian on tap." Me: "Sure. How much is that?" Bartender: "$8.00." Me: "Ok. Here you are. What's the wifi password" Bartender: "youneedtobuyadrinkfirst, no spaces and all lowercase." -<>- A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Hank?" the others asked. "Hank had a stroke o' some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Hank layin' out there and carried the deer back?" they asked. "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one's gonna steal Hank!" -<>- My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed a harassed and tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" The produce guy looked at me and said, "No, sir, you'll have to do that yourself." -<>- A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is the vacuum on or off?" -<>- There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him and addition question. So they uncle asked, "What is three plus four?" The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, "Seven." The uncle said, "Listen kid, you can't count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it. Now put your hands in your pockets." So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked, "What is five plus five?" After a few moments of intense concentration the boy said, "Eleven." ========================================================= >-->From The Jokester: _._ .' '. | / //\\\ \ | ( ( -\- ) ) | '-\_=_/-' // .-'\ /'-. (|/ / '-' \ / / | \__ __/_/\/ /| | |\ / \ / \ \ \ '-' `\/\ ; |/|\ | | | | | | | |_______| | | | \ | / jgs /=|=\ (_/T\_) A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decide that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no other choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one- onto the urinal. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade. "No, ma'am," he replied, "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the 4th but thanks for the lift." -<>- , _.-"` `'-. '._ __{}_( |'--.__\ ( ^_\^ | _ | )\___/ .--'`:._] jgs / \ '-. Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly." Little Johnny asked, "So, why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?" -<>- I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 10-month-old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said, "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapeno is not his favorite. ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: __ ."` `;. / .---'. \ \| . . |/ ( > ) \ -- / __)----(__ /` <_\__/_> `\ / : \ jgs | \ : | | >Jury Duty A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a 'compromising position.'" "See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." -<>- Somewhere in the deep south Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?" "Yes, Bubba. That's true," answered the lawyer. "And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries - is that true, mister lawyer?" "Sure is, Bubba, but why do you ask?" " 'Cause I was thinkin' - maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've been waken' up with." -<>- .::::, {{{{{;}}}} {{{{/ `}}}}} {}}}}} _ _| {{(`--(./-\.) {| _\ | | \ __ / | '.__/ .'` \ |_ jgs '-__ / `- >Mistakes Redefined If an engineer makes a mistake, It is a new venture! If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a new invention! If an explorer makes a mistake, It's a new discovery! If a driver makes a mistake, It is an accident! If a politician makes a mistake, It is a new law! If a professor makes a mistake, It is a new theory! If a hairstylist makes a mistake, It's a new style! If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a new fashion! If parents make a mistake, It is a new generation! If the boss makes a mistake, It is our mistake! If an employee makes a mistake, Now, *that* is a "MISTAKE!" ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit Buy A Dog! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buyadog.html Awww Animals!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals.html Driftwood Horses!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horses.html Bambi & Thumper!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bambi.html Why God Gave Us Pets!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpets.html Running Horses! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/runninghorses.html Trucks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trucks.html Awesome Bikes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebikes.html Road Train Trucks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roadtrain.html Liberty 2017 Elegant Lady RV! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv3.html Big Happy Pet Family! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petfamily.html Abandoned Chihuahua Boo! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boo.html Water Rescue Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/waterrescuedogs.html Ricochet The Surf Dog! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html My How You've Grown! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grown.html Heroes Abroad! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/americanheroes.html Sgt.Stubby War Dog Hero! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stubbywardog.html Freedom Isn't Free! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedom.html 9/11 And Troops INDEX!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/911andtroopsindex.html Moms and Dads Index! https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) If you love to see people dancing in the movies then I think you'll enjoy this video edit featuring Laurel and Hardy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNS0Xqg-cj8 --- ...Love It! Thanks LouiseAu! Here's more... Laurel & Hardy dance to The Rolling Stones https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpV-VKu45nM Dance of the cuckoos - Laurel & Hardy theme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snnCKVFzjHE The Wonderful Slapstick of Laurel and Hardy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tXQVekUZCI Laurel and Hardy Best clips 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bY5GXPnvmr8 ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "In Mexico, the world's heaviest man, who weighs almost 1,000 pounds, is preparing for surgery. The man said, 'After years of being unhappy with my appearance, I'm finally getting that nose job.'" -Conan O'Brien "A town in Texas just announced a controversial plan to recycle toilet water and use it for drinking water. Dogs said, 'How are you only thinking of this now?'" -Jimmy Fallon "New research suggests that people who are more ambitious will live longer. While people who are less ambitious will live longer with their parents." -Seth Meyers "In Florida, a 10-year-old girl pried herself from the jaws of an 8-foot alligator. Then the little girl remembered she lives in Florida, and climbed back in." -Conan O'Brien "Hey, I saw that today is National Teacher Day! Unless you're home-schooled. Then it's Mother's Day: Part 2." -Jimmy Fallon "On this day in 1960, the FDA approved the world's first commercially produced birth control pill. And on this day in 1961, the first couple learned what 99.9 percent effective means." -Seth Meyers "Today was Star Wars Day, because the day was May Fourth, as in 'May the fourth be with you.'' And now, it's technically May Fifth, Cinco de Mayo, as in 'May the fifth margarita be in you.'" -James Corden "Scientists have developed a new kind of robot that is able to shoot a gun. In fact, earlier today, I was carjacked by my Roomba." -Conan O'Brien "A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I'm not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million." -Seth Meyers It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen. -- Brigitte Bardot At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgment. -- Benjamin Franklin Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. -- Robert Frost You know you're on a diet when cat food commercials make you hungry. -- Andy Bumatai >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************