Scratches Himself Until He Dies... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo | |L :|'=---+----`"""""---''| :| \ ~ CALLING ALL __ ( :| / Caring Angels | :| / ____._,.._.___/ +|/''''' :| :| . , :| _)/'/ :| ,/'/,'<, :| .-'\\_.-` :| ///'\\ .| |e^e-? (/\ `.=,'._ . `: L _.-J L '\.' `. :|/`.' / \ /'_.' \ :|\ .-\__V__< \/ L :| `-' \ , \ /\ | :| \._.=-\. F :| )\_/ `-.__J :| / | | .| / | / ____ :|___ ( <|' | _______________________________________ :| \ '\ \ ~ ~ :| `. | | ~ ___..._ ~ :| `J / ...--..---' _ ""------......____ :| , _)_|>.__,_ c")_ -.b'ger '-.,-.+- cC\\_\ "'-=-i"-. (__/ VK/a:f _,. -''' `-. *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first too hot to handle one comes from three of our friends! PatDeE, Linda And Johanna. Hey, Once I take notice, twice I get alerted but three times I get forwarded something I get the hint and get myself busy! Check this one out for some rib tickling fun. Give it time to load and turn up the sound... _ _____.------[_] +------------|x| | |x| | |x| | |x| | |x| j |x| ' \/\_ |X| ( |X| (o) |X| |X| \ FXJ z! J>Xx<_\ [] [] VK Morons At Work! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html --- ...Amazing! Thank you Pat, Linda and Johanna! This next hot tottie comes from our friend Johanna. It again proves to me I am not that good with history. This one took me twice as long to complete, but it was worth it. Check it out and see if you think so too... _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; Boys To President! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boystopres.html --- ...Very Interesting one! Thanks Johanna! ============================================================ >-->From The Funnybone: One Mean Dog _ _ _ .'`.\ / `,\--.-; / After getting robbed this guy decides to | |` `-. go to the pet store and get a really \_/ --. -; ferocious dog. The guy at the pet store ,#/ 'o/\o/) tells him, "I've got the perfect dog for <)#| .-"(_)`\ you." So, he shows him a dog that's ,##/ , _|_/ just sitting there licking his butt. <)| /V`"`/V| ##| / , / ,| He says to the employee, "This doesn't `<)\ \_(\;_/)\ look like a very mean dog. Do you have ##'. '. `"" -) any others?" jgs `<)'#<)#-.__.'-' `"""` To which the employee responds, "This is the meanest dog l have. He just got done eating a lawyer and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth." ============================================================== +----------------- Bizarre Test Answers ------------------+ The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 Decibels Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she did. Other women have become scientists since her, but they didn't get to find radios because they were already taken. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come onto in pears. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper. Q: Give the meaning of the term "caesarian section." A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels, and you get intercontinental. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery." ============================================================== >-->From ArcaMaxJokes: .--. , , ) .-----._ ___ < /) | | ||==|| _(())\) | | /|==|| __ .-' (()/ '-. :_____:/ |"_|/) /| _/ () \ / .-------. __.' / | oo)__/ () \ | / '=======' () / | :~ \_ ) _/ _/ /__________________/ | | |- (--|(,/ | [___o___] | | / ) \ | / [___o___] / | | ( \ | / [___o___] / | | ( | / | / | / . | |/ __ |/ | | : | <`,,'>,--,--..-, snd | |__/_____\ | / ( ( ) ) \ .,,. oo=' oo=' '-'\ ) ) ) )\ ___.---; < (,_)_)(_,)_/ / \ .-\_/_,__ ||| ||| _ _\_\_ \\ __\-' ~~ ~~ ( ) ( ) _/ '-' /_/-/_/-' >Inventive Excuses for Missing Work 1. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early. 2. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Safeway. 3. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Broncos, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling. 4. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information. 5. My stigmata is acting up. 6. I can't come in to work today because I will be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? 7. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet. -<>- >Dog Breeds That Just Didn't Make It Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer = Spaniel Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks (or drools) incessantly Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by... Oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work with you Bloodhound + Borzoi = Bloody Bore, a dog that's not much fun Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport -<>- >Memo To: Experimental Weaponry Research & Development - Nuclear Hand Grenade Tests From: Experimental Weaponry - Product Testing Subject: Test Results Gentlemen: Congratulations on the development of the US arsenal's first nuclear hand grenade. As expected, your demonstration models functioned flawlessly. All test devices detonated as designed, hence the test must be deemed a success. However, in light of the fact that the device can only be thrown 25 yards, we STRONGLY SUGGEST you reduce the 100 yard killing radius. P.S. We suggest offering the current stock to Iran and the Afghanistan military as part of a buy-one get-one FREE sale. -<>- >Mechanical Engineers vs. Civil Engineers Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets. -<>- &&&&& |~ |~ && -.-& |~ o' o' & . o' jrei __)` -(_ >Designer Four engineers were sitting around one day trying to figure out who might have designed the human body. The first fellow said, "I think it might be a Mechanical Engineer, because of joints and muscle and sense of balance." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be." The second fellow said, "I think it might be an Electrical Engineer, because of the nervous system and neural network." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be." The third fellow said, "I think it might be a Chemical Engineer, because of hormonal balances and metabolism." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be." The fourth fellow snaps his fingers and shouts out, "I know, it HAD to have been a Civil engineer!" The other three ask "Why?" "Well," replied the fourth fellow, "who else would put a waste water drainage right through a recreational area?" -<>- _\_. ._/_ .\' ```-`\| |/'-''' `/. .\' \| |/ `/. \.\' \||/ `/./ .' ._._ || _._. `. ./ ./' | || | `\. \. /' .'\ \ / /\ \ / /`. `\ /| /| \ \/ /..\ \/ / |\ |\ /| / /' .\||/. `\ \ |\ /| /` .'.---. .---.`. '\ |\ '/-/|--|-/' / / \ / \ \ `\-|--|\-\` | / \/ \ | | `. ._()()_. .' | _\_\| `._\. ./_.' |/_/_ \_\` \__/ '/_/ \` ____ o /\ o ____ '/ = .'`. o o / \ o o .'`. = '/ | `._____..' `.._____.' | \` -/ \ / \- '/- \ .. / -\` '/ _.\ `' /._ \` Brainchild '//-'' \ || / ``-\\` \____/\____/ >Rabbits vs. Wolves Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of hungry wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it, or should we stay here for a few days and out number them?" ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Jo ann :) [Politics] Sure wish we would continue passing this one around until "someone" gets the message!! Now this is customer service! ( (_) ### . (#c __\|/__ #\ wWWWw \ \-. (/. .\) /\ /`\/\ /\ |\/ \_) (_| `\.' ; ; `' ;`\ `\; ; . ;/\ `\; ; ;| \ ; .' ' ; / |_.' ; | /) ( ''._;/` | ' . ; |.-' .:) | | ( .' : | |,- .:: | | ,-' .;| jgs_/___,_.:_\_ [I_I_I_I_I_I_] | __________ | | || | | || | _| ||_|__|_|| |_ /=--------------=\ / \ | | GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, a Christian built nation, land of the free and home of the brave. How may I help you? Press '1' for English. Press '2' to disconnect until you learn to speak English And remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ And the American Soldier. One died for your soul, The other for your freedom. If you agree. Keep this going 2012 IS COMING A Nation of Sheep Breeds a Government of Wolves! I'M 100% for PASSING THIS ON!!! Let’s Take a stand!!! Borders: Closed... Language: English only... Culture: Constitution and the Bill of Rights!!! Drug Free: Make a drug screen mandatory for anyone on welfare and/or food stamps! No Freebies to Non-Citizens! We the People are coming IN GOD WE SHALL FOREVER PUT OUR TRUST --- ...Yeppers! Thanks Jo Ann! ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) [Politics] @@@ // \\ / \_/ \ / ./_(-.\ ( / \\ )|| @/ // ) / @>@<@/ ( '-.;)@\ \.-' | | | | | | | `'. | `'-. / '-.. | . .. '-.__ jgs |.' .' .'.'__;.--'--.-' `"-----'"` >Married three times and still a virgin! A woman (married three times) walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding. 'Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?' The bride-to-be said: 'A long frilly white dress with a veil.' The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?' 'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.' 'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk. 'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.' --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Sandi! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend Dan :) Dear 1/52 [Vietnam] family, This news from Dennis Loop... Brothers and Sisters: Dorothy Veniott, Jerry "War Daddy" Church's daughter contacted me last night and Jousha Pounds, who was involved in War Daddy's murder(i.e. he came in the next day, walked over Jerry and his wife's bodies and stole from them) has been denied parole or work release. Dorothy wants to thank all those who took time to write the Georgia Prison Board requesting he be held for his total sentence. It is ironic, as just a few weeks ago was the 3rd anniversery of the murders, and Dorothy was able to come to Texas with a neighbor, and Phil and Sue Jones and I got to see her on the weekend. Thanks for being there for our brother, War Daddy, 1/52 recon, 70-71 with 2 tours in Nam, career Army, Drill Sgt, and retiring after Desert Storm. He was enjoying his new marriage and his retirement, when 4 young punks broke into his home and savagely beat him and his wife to death. Dennis Loop recon 1/52 70-71 -<>- Dear 1/52 family, I welcome you to an opportunity to view a slide show of Vietnam in its present condition. There are many slides and you may not have tome to view them all. Thanks go to Joe Pellegriti and his son for sharing their experience. Enjoy, if you wish, Dan Young View Slide Show Here: http://tinyurl.com/3nebkc6 --- ...Very nice of you to share! Thank You Dan! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) [POLITICS] >WHOSE FAULT ? PLEASE KEEP THIS ONE GOING IN HOPES THAT WE CAN ACTUALLY MAKE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND WHOSE FAULT THIS HUGE DEFICIT ACTUALLY IS! B-b-b-But It's HIS Fault The Washington Post babbled again today about Obama inheriting a huge deficit from Bush. Amazingly enough, a lot of people swallow this BULL. So once more, a short civics lesson. Budgets do not come from the White House. They come from Congress and the party that controlled Congress since JANUARY 2007 is the Democratic Party. Furthermore, the Democrats controlled the budget process for FY 2008 & FY 2009 as well as FY 2010 & FY 2011. In that first year, they had to contend with George Bush, which caused them to compromise on spending, when Bush somewhat belatedly got tough on spending increases. For FY 2009 though, Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid bypassed George Bush entirely, passing continuing resolutions to keep government running until Barack Obama could take office. At that time, they passed a massive omnibus spending bill to complete the FY 2009 budgets. And where was Barack Obama during this time? He was a member of that very Congress that passed all of these massive spending bills, and he signed the omnibus bill as President to complete FY 2009. If the Democrats inherited any deficit, it was the FY 2007 deficit, the last of the Republican budgets. That deficit was the lowest in five years, and the fourth straight decline in deficit spending. After that, Democrats in Congress took control of spending, and that includes Barack Obama, who voted for the budgets. If Obama inherited anything, he inherited it from himself. In a nutshell, what Obama is saying is I inherited a deficit that I voted for and then I voted to expand that deficit four-fold since January 20th. There is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us sends it on! This is your chance to make a difference. Stay Focused, Connected, Informed & Inspired. --- ...Interesting! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- [POLITICS] >From LiveInTheNowNews: Did the USDA Just Deregulate All GMO Crops... Without Telling Anyone? http://elistman.stopagingnow.com/view.php?cid=A39746F225 -<>- >From PatriotUpdate: Obama's Scare-Mongering on Debt Ceiling Exposed http://tinyurl.com/4ylvy2t Feds pay for study of gay men's "package" sizes & Get Ready for a 70% Marginal Tax Rate http://tinyurl.com/3bo6kfa -<>- >From VisionToMerica: Obama Officially Threatens to Veto GOP's Cut, Cap and Balance Bill http://tinyurl.com/3h5ldux -<>- >From BizarreNews: I read two very interesting stories this morning. One was about a man who grew up and lived in a small community in the San Bernardino Mountains of California. One afternoon the man, Allen Kephart, was driving along a mountain road near his home when he allegedly blew a stop sign. A sheriff's deputy attempted to stop Kephart who ignored the deputy for an entire half mile. We don't know why Kephart didn't stop immediately, perhaps because he was on a winding mountain road, but in less than a mile he pulled safely into a gas station on the side of the road. It was at that point that the deputy yanked him out of his vehicle and threw him to the ground where his face hit the pavement. Kephart attempted to rise, perhaps because he was dazed, or perhaps to turn onto his back, but the deputy, seeing no other alternative, tasered him. In short order another deputy arrived and they continued to subdue Kephart with their tasers five times, at least. When the deputies discovered he was unresponsive they took him to the hospital where he died. He had no police record. In another story, in New York City, a drunk broke into the Ed Sullivan Theater, where Dave Letterman records his shows. After smashing the glass door the man began trashing the lobby, urinating on the floor, smashing mirrors and knocking over plants and trash cans, before breaking into one of the offices and continuing his mission of vandalism. When police arrived they found him still belligerent and destroying anything he could get his hands on. They took an hour coaxing him out of the theater before arresting him. Now, who deserved which kind of treatment? +-- Canadian uses forklift to remove squad car --+ ST. ANDREWS, Prince Edward Island - A Canadian man was charged with assault after he allegedly shoved a sheriff's car off his property with a forklift, police said. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police said Wilfred Doyle, 45, of St. Andrews was charged with mischief and obstructing a police officer, as well as assault with a deadly weapon, after the run-in at his home last week. The Mounties told the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. the law enforcement officer went to Doyle's place on Prince Edward Island to serve him a court order. Doyle turned the routine process into a confrontation when he fired up his tractor, which was equipped with a forklift, and pushed the car out of his yard. Doyle was released after spending a night in jail. +-- Frying pan ends Florida couple's argument --+ NORTH NAPLES, Fla. - Florida officials say a domestic beef over razors in the shower ended with a woman's arrest for allegedly hitting her boyfriend on the head with a frying pan. Mary Batson, 22, of North Naples, was arrested for battery after she allegedly conked her live-in boyfriend in the head during a noisy row that began over his refusal to let her borrow a razor. The Naples Daily News said Sunday that Batson denied striking the victim, although she admitted she slammed the pan down on the counter during the argument. Arrest reports said the dispute Thursday escalated quickly from argument to slapstick. The victim claimed Batson scratched him on the chest and face before going for the cookware. *-- Handcuffs don't win at job interview --* TORONTO - Bringing a cockatoo or handcuffs to a job interview is a guaranteed failure, an international job placement company in Toronto said. The Robert Half firm published a summary of worst-case scenarios from hiring managers around the world about interviews gone wrong. Among the managers' bad memories was an applicant who "came in for an interview with a cockatoo on his shoulder." Other managers recounted interview shocks when a candidate sent his sister to apply for him. "One candidate sang all of her responses to interview questions," one manager said. Another manager said he was taken aback by an apparent show of determination by a job candidate who "handcuffed himself to the desk during the interview," the agency said in a release. Another applicant doomed his job chances by saying too much about his plans. "One individual said we had nice benefits, which was good because he was going to need to take a lot of leave in the next year," a manager told the firm. *-- Corpse forms 'I' in Ohio cheer photo --* NEWARK, Ohio - An Ohio woman said a picture taken with her deceased father's open casket forming the "I" in an "O-H-I-O" cheer is a tribute to his love for the Buckeyes. Juli Miracle, who arranged for the picture to be taken after the July 1 death of her father, Roy Miracle, said the picture was a tribute to her father's fun-loving ways and his love for Ohio State University, The Columbus (Ohio) Dispatch reported Thursday. "I didn't do it for anybody but Dad and I," Juli Miracle said of the picture, which quickly spread across the Internet. "To me, it was the best honor and tribute to do for him and OSU." The Rev. Mark Chow, who presided over the funeral at First United Methodist Church in Newark, said the photo was a fitting tribute to Roy Miracle. "He was a fun-loving man who loved to tease," Chow said. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ______________________ |,----.,----.,----.,--.\ || || || || \\ |`----'`----'|----||----\`. [ | -||- __|(| [ ,--. |____||.--. | =-(( `))-----------(( `))== jrei`--' `--' My wife and I take turns walking our five-year-old daughter to the bus stop for school every morning. Today was my turn, and as me and all the other moms in the neighborhood waited one of them asked me to say hello to my wife. "I will," I said. "it'll make her feel better. She has pneumonia..." "Oh, poor girl," they all said in unison. One of them crooked her eyebrow at me and said, "I hope you're helping her with the kids, the cooking and cleaning." "I can't," I said pointing to the band aid on my index finger. "Hangnail." -<>- The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?" "This is my mother." -<>- || ---------||------------- | || | | |\ | >---\/\/\/-*-\/\/\/--*------|+\ | | | |--*-*--- > | --|-/ | ===== | |/ | | | | | ----------- __|__ ___ _ Light bulb jokes are an innocent way to poke fun -- or so I thought. Working as a sound technician, I asked an electrician, who was also the local union steward: "Hey, Mike. How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?" I expected the classic answer: "Twelve. You got a problem with that?" But Mike replied in all seriousness, "None. Teamsters shouldn't be touching light bulbs." -<>- In the small, family-owned store in Spokane, Washington where I work, we often get folks from out of town whose idioms are a little different from our own. One day, after parking her car across the street in an attended lot, a young woman came in. She made her purchase and then asked, "Do you give validation?" Without batting an eye, my manager replied, "You are an excellent, successful person, and I love your hair." One of my customers at the department of motor vehicles wanted a personalized license plate with his wedding anniversary on it. As we completed the paperwork he explained, "This way I can't forget the date." A few hours later, I recognized the same young man waiting in my line. When his turn came, he said somewhat sheepishly, "I need to change the numbers on that plate application." -<>- lobster jgs 10/96 ,.---._ ,,,, / `, \\\\ / '\_ ; |||| /\/``-.__\;' ::::/\/_ {{`-.__.-'(`(^^(^^^(^ 9 `.=========' {{{{{{ { ( ( ( ( (-----:= {{.-'~~'-.(,(,,(,,,(__6_.'=========. ::::\/\ |||| \/\ ,-'/, //// \ `` _/ ; '''' \ ` .' `---' I was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in Maine when a vacationing Southerner stumped me with a drink order. I approached the bartender. "Have you ever heard of a drink called 'Seven Young Blondes'?" I asked. He admitted he'd never heard of it, and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he then asked me to go back and tell the patron that he'd be happy to make the drink if he could list the ingredients for him. "Sir," I asked the customer, "can you tell me what's in that drink?" He looked at me like I was crazy. "It's wine," he said, pronouncing his words carefully, "Sauvignon blanc." -<>- A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay. She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums." "I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied. The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt." -<>- . '@(@@@@@@@)@. (@@) ` . ' . @@'((@@@@@@@@@@@)@@@@@)@@@@@@@)@ @@(@@@@@@@@@@))@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@)@@` . @.((@@@@@@@)(@@@@@@@@@@@@@@))@\@@@@@@@@@)@@@ . (@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@)@@@@@@@@@@@\\@@)@@@@@@@@) (@@@@@@@@)@@@@@@@@@@@@@(@@@@@@@@//@@@@@@@@@) ` .@(@@@@)##&&&&&(@@@@@@@@)::_=(@\\@@@@)@@ . .' @@`(@@)###&&&&&!!;;;;;;::-_=@@\\@)@`@. ` @@(@###&&&&!!;;;;;::-=_=@.@\\@@ ' ` @.#####&&&!!;;;::=-_= .@ \\ ####&&&!!;;::=_- ` ###&&!!;;:-_= ##&&!;::_= ##&&!;:= ##&&!:- #&!;:- #&!;= #&!- #&= jgs #&- \\#/' ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Our family took shelter in the basement after hearing a tornado warning. My husband told everyone to stay put while he got his cell phone out of the car, in case the lines went dead. He didn't return for the longest time, so I went looking for him. I was upstairs calling his name, when I heard our answering machine click on. "Hi," a voice said. "This is Dad. I'm locked out of the house." -<>- A teacher was finishing up a lesson on the joys of discovery and the importance of curiosity. "Where would we be today," she asked, "if no one had ever been curious?" One child quietly spoke up from the back of the room. "Still in the Garden of Eden?" -<>- When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation." The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very satisfied." -<>- "Don't worry, I can stay out as late as I want to tonight," Joe told his friend Bob. "My wife's gone for a two-week vacation in the Caribbean." "Jamaica?" Bob asked. "No, it was her idea." -<>- \ _____/ \ _____/ | |---| --,------- _\|/_| ______/ |-----| --, \ \ / --, \ \ / __|_|___| |/ |----| /|\ |--| | |--|--| _/ /----- _/ /----- | | | | \ |---| / | /\ | ----|---- |--|--| \ --|-- \ --|-- ||\|___| |\||-----| __/__ \/ | __|__ | |__|__| | |__|__| / | | | | |_\_/_| / / /\ | | :: -'\_______ -'\_______ | |---| | | || \| /\ / \ | --------- / _____ / \ / | | |-------| |_____| / | | | | _/ ------ _/ --|-|-| | ----- | |_____| ---/----- ---|--- __|_-|-|-- / |____ /|-|-|-| | |---| | --------- _/|__|__ /|\ | | | | _/| | | _/| |-|-|--| | |---| | | |__ | | /_|_\ | | \| | | | | | | \| | | |\| | | / | \ |/ | | / \| | / | | \| / \____ |------ | _/ |____| :: --|-- ----- --|-- ----- | -------- / | / / |-----| |-|-| / / / |-|-| / / / --|- | /_/ |/_/ / | _|_ | |-|-| \ \ \ |-|-| \ \ \ ------- |/ | _/_\|_/_\ _/| | | | KEY |-|-| ----- |-|-| ----- / | --|--\--- | | |-| | --|-- | --|-- | /| | / \ \/ | | |-| | :: | ------- | ------- \| \| / _/ \/ | |-----| / _______ ___|____ / \ -------, ----- | ---|--|--- _/ |-||-| | | / ==|== / / ------ | / | _/|_|_||__ | ||-|| | |--| | __|__ _/| ---- |______| /---\ | | _/ ---/ | | ||-|| | /\ | |\ |__|__| | ---- | __|__ | | | |-| | | |/|| |\| \/ | \ |__|__| | |----| | | | | | | X ||/|| /\ | |___| | |----| |_______| __|_/ \| |/ |// \ / | _/ \_|__ :: --Dvd [Translation of above poem by Henry Wu ] "A very loose translation: Separated by several thousand miles, It feels like you're still here. Softly press a few keys. The electric message has already reached you. >"Scratches Himself Until He Dies..." An influential Londoner wound up a business trip to the Orient with a visit to Taipei. At a luncheon he was asked to say a few words. Since he spoke not a word of Chinese, his address was to be translated by an interpreter sentence by sentence. "I want you to know," he began, "I'm tickled to death to be asked here today." A look of panicked confusion appeared on the interpreter's face. "This poor man," he said in Chinese, "Scratches himself until he dies, only to be with you today." ============================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: ============;===========;() # # # #:::::: # # # #:::::: # # # #:::::: # # # #:::::: # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # jgs # # # # # # # "Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does NOT mean to stand by the President or any other public official save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country." --Theodore Roosevelt _______ / /_ / -/- / / / / / / /_______/ / jgs ((______| / `"""""""` "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8 "Humans have the remarkable ability to get exactly what they must have. But there is a difference between a 'must' and a 'want.'" -- Jim Rohn "Let us not be content to wait and see what will happen, but give us the determination to make the right things happen." -- Peter Marshall 'Laughter can relieve tension, soothe the pain of disappointment, and strengthen the spirit for the formidle tasks that always lie ahead.' -Dwight D. Eisenhhower- -<>- >Just Think About This! 'Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like.' -Will Rogers ============= ___()___ _.-'' ,-'`-. ``-._ ,-' ,' `. `-. ,' ,' `. `. / / \ \ /_ / \ _\ ``-./_..---'''|``---.._\,-'' | | | | | | | , | `..' SSt 'A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.' -Robert Frost ============= 'I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.' -Jackie Mason ============= The time to be happy is now; the place to be happy is here. - Robert G. Ingersoll ======= You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. -- Indira Gandhi, 1971 ======= The Blood of Jesus washes away our past and the Name of Jesus opens up our future. ======= The real measure of our wealth is how much we'd be worth if we lost all our money. -- J.H. Jowett ======= In all things it is better to hope than to despair. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ======= "For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out." - 6-year-old ======= (() ()) (() ()) (() ()) (() ()) (() .+. _.-//_\\-._ .'.-' XII '-.'. /`.'* *'.`\ / /* / *\ \ | ; _/ ; | | |IX (_) III| | | ; \ ; | \ \* \ */ / \ '.* \ *.'./ jgs '._'-.__VI_.-'_.' '-.,___,.-' Your life is only as productive as the freshness of your walk with God ======= "If you want to succeed you should strike out on new paths, rather than travel the worn paths of accepted success." -- John D. Rockefeller, Sr. ======= Where the mind goes, the man follows. ======= Sign above the scale in a doctor's office: Pretend it's your IQ. ======= "Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born." -- Dr. Dale E. Turner -<>- >"True Invention" The fourth-grade class was studying the development of the auto industry. The teacher had emphasized the role played by Henry Ford, whose assembly lines decreased production costs. At the end of the unit, she gave a test including the question: "What did Henry Ford invent that made buying a car more affordable?" One of the brightest students in the class wrote: "0% financing." -<>- >"What Am I?" Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" ,"=-. / _),`'". ( /a( ), ) ) C = = ?/ ( )) (_ o-< ) ( `-' \; ( \_ ( | \ ) )| \_/} \ \ \(_;/-|_) )/) `._,--/ / / `!__!! ( (_o)) ---`-._, )--- ------( / |---- | ( | :__/|\_; \ |/ )(\_ /_)--` gpyy \_! A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!" -<>- ** Short Takes ** Jews and Christians are different in a lot of ways. Some Christian people will have religious bumper stickers on their cars, like "Jesus is King", "The Lord Saves", etc. Jews don't do that. You'll never see, "Honk If You Love Moses." - Gregg Rogell -<>- The air-raid siren went off in Haifa. A woman rushed down the stairs toward the basement. Suddenly she noticed that her husband had not followed her down. "Come on, Sidney," she yelled. "Just a minute!" answered the husband. "I gotta get my teeth!" "Never mind your teeth!" the wife shouted back. "What do you think they're dropping - pastrami sandwiches?" -<>- Cohen goes into a deli, walks up to the meats display case, points to one of the cold cuts and says to the butcher, "Gif me half dozen slices of dot corned beef." The butcher replies, "That's ham." Cohen, "Did I esk you vat it vas?" -<>- ,,,)),, .' `. _/ \_ (_ O O _) | .:(_):. | _.--\ .___. /--._ ,' |`-.___.-'| `. >--.__|| ||__.--< __/ _)l_______l(_ \___ (__\|_|_|_____________|_|_|/___) |#| /o\_______/o\ |#| |#|| _ ||#| |#|| =(.)__ ||#| |#|| ..(___/.. ||#| |#|| _ ||#| |#|| | ||#| |#|| .^. ||#| |#|l_____|_|_____l|#| .-/ /|:::::::::::::::|\ \-. |/ / |:::::::::::::::j \ \| / / /---------------\ \ \ .-/ / / \ \ \-. |/_/__/___________________\__\_\| || || `|_____________________________|' hjw A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair. "Don't be angry," the mother says, "your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts." A short while later, there's more crying, and the mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother says, "She knows now." -<>- A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!" -<>- Billy's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Billy enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." "That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part." -<>- _____......----------""""""""""------.._ _/"/ __...:::::;:::.... /___../ / _.--"""::::::::::::::::::::::....,o%%%%:...._.....-----""""""____.._ "\ "..____ __../-----"""""""""" ___...---"""" "\__\ """"""""""""/"---. .--"": ...--""" _./"// | | | /akn /\__//_____| `--""" / \ . ___/" "--.___/"....---|""" / ___\.... \\.."--:""""" WHEN THE NAVY was developing helicopters in the 1950s to track submarines, our Florida-based test squadron had to be innovative. Because the copters lacked sufficient lifting power with test equipment on board, weight was reduced by removing the metal skin from the aircraft. The result was an aerial apparition of two rotors connected with a frame of pipes, an engine and a pilot sitting in the open air. Once, a test pilot had to make an emergency landing in a field, and a farmer drove out in his pickup to investigate. He walked slowly around the helicopter and then said to the pilot, "Build it yourself, sonny?" -<>- >Making Faces Finding one of her students making faces at the others on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped quickly to reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and it would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Mrs. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned." -<>- _ _ :o`.'o` `-':`-' : ,-. ,..-Y--..,; ;. .` : `. _ .' '- O;. ,' `. ; __ __ `'@ `. `-.,_,.. ,'..`. ,'..`. ..-' ; "---+ dXXb `----+ dXXb ' qXXp qXXp '' '' virus >Mrs. Biddle's Dream Mrs. Biddle was walking down the street one day carrying a small box with holes punched in the top. "What's in that box?" Mrs. Riddle asked. "A cat," Mrs. Biddle answered. "What for?" "I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared of mice. The cat is to catch them." "But the mice you dream about are imaginary," said Mrs. Riddle. Mrs. Biddle turned to her friend and whispered, "So is the cat." -<>- __ _ .-.' `; `-._ __ _ (_, .-:' `; `-._ ,'o"( (_, ) (__,-' ,'o"( )> ( (__,-' ) `-'._.--._( ) ||| |||`-'._.--._.-' ||| ||| Artist: Bob Allison >The High Price Of Virgin Wool Mrs. Siegal went into Bergdorf-Goodman's,called over a salesman, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy, so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?" "That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snotty salesman. "Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at S. Klein's downtown!" "But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool." "So for $800 I should be caring what the lambs do at night?" -<>- >The Operation This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me.. your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife......... -<>- _,__ .: Darwin <* / | \ .-./ |. : :, / '-._/ \_ / ' \ .' *: Brisbane .-' ; | | \ / | / Perth \* __.--._ / \ _.' \:. | >__,-' \_/*_.-' Melbourne snd :--, '/ >Great News Steinberg and Fleisher, partners in the garment industry had just suffered through their worst season ever. Ten thousand madras sports coats were hanging on the rack unsold, and bankruptcy was looming closer. Out of the blue, in walked a buyer from Australia. "I say there," he began, "you boys wouldn't have any madras sports coats, would you? I've been looking for them everywhere." Steinberg said there MIGHT be a few left, and soon a deal was made whereby the ten thousand jackets would be shipped to Australia at a handsome profit. "There is one thing though," said the Australian buyer. "For an order this large, I'll have to get a confirmation from my home office. I don't anticipate any problem, and unless I send you a telegram by this Friday, the deal goes through as planned." Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday passed slowly, with the partners nervously waiting to see if the Australian would change his mind. Friday morning went by without incident. Steinberg and Fleisher were closing up shop when, at ten minutes to five, there was a knock on the door: ..."Telegram!" The partners froze. Trembling, Fleisher grabbed the telegram and opened it. Suddenly, his face lit up. "Steinberg, GREAT NEWS! Your sister died!" ======================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Bibi's Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescue.html Maria The Goose http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html Tale Of Two Swallows http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/swallows.html Micro Folk Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/microart.html Ford's First RV http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firstrv.html World's Largest Holes http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/holes.html All Occasion Cakes 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aocakes2.html Bear Playground http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearplay.html Hiking In China http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trail.html Mountain Biking http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mountainbiking.html Woman's Dream http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woman.html Factory Tours http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/factory.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) KALEIDOSCOPE: Fascinating Run your mouse over the screen and watch how the image changes or just let it change on its own http://inoyan.narod.ru/kaleidoskop.swf --- ...Sweet! 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Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Hrbtno http://www.buffaloschips.com/ujyg687.htm Ice fishing http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkljlkjo.htm Comet Air http://www.buffaloschips.com/324r.htm Comforts http://www.buffaloschips.com/we3456.htm Comm Serv http://www.buffaloschips.com/4536k.htm Comp Safety http://www.buffaloschips.com/435lk6.htm Compassion http://www.buffaloschips.com/354kj6.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "There's a move to divide California into two states: the state of poverty and the state of bankruptcy." -Jay Leno "Two Delta planes collided at an airport in Boston. Or as air traffic controllers put it, 'Glad I wasn't awake to see that one.'" -Jimmy Fallon "In the media business, being evil isn't always a bad thing. There's also the lovable kind of evil that we have here at CBS." -Craig Ferguson "Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are made stupid by education." -Bertrand Russell "There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money." -Benjamin Franklin "The U.S. is now in serious danger of defaulting on our foreign loans. Which explains why today, China showed up and broke the Statue of Liberty's kneecaps." -Jimmy Fallon "A right-wing religious group in Iowa is now asking all the Republican presidential candidates to sign a pledge to remain faithful to their spouse. Isn't that the marriage pledge?" -Jay Leno "The dancers of the Joffrey Ballet are being locked out in Chicago. This could lead to a strike and the most graceful picket line ever." -Craig Ferguson "I was in McDonald's and I saw this kid take his Happy Meal toy and throw it on the ground. His mom said, 'Hey, you play with that. There are children in China who are manufacturing those!'" --Laura Silverman "I have a Y chromosome that makes me ask, Why get married? But I wouldn't want to put down marriage as a whole - which it is." --Kevin Hench "They do a lot of animal testing in the cosmetics industry, maybe they should brag about it in their commercials. 'Aquanet hair spray, if it can blind a spider monkey, it can make your hair look luscious!'" --Vernon Chapman "I don't know if you heard, but astronaut Buzz Aldrin is getting divorced. Apparently, he just needed some space." -Jimmy Fallon "A new species of shark has been discovered. It's kind of suspicious. It seems that a new shark is always discovered just before Shark Week." -Craig Ferguson "Scientists believe that people born in the next 20 years could live to be 1,000 years old. How many times would you have to get up to go to the bathroom at that age?" -Jay Leno "It is no secret that our economy is in the dumpster, because our economy knows the dumpster is where you can sometimes find old muffins." -Stephen Colbert >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************