Seniors, Blondes, Dogs and More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc Still working on reducing the photo image sizes on the website. It is a lot of work. Well worth my time and effort considering they are 3 times faster loading with no visual image change. I've got this year done and about half of last year's images done. I will keep plugging away. :) ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ,~. ,-'__ `-, {,-' `. } ,') ,( a ) `-.__ ,',')~, <=.) ( `-.__,==' ' ' '} ( ) / `-'\ , ) | \ `~. / \ `._ \ / \ `._____,' / `-. ,' `-. ,-' `~~~~' //_|| __//--'/` hjw ,--'/` ' ' A man was driving along a rural road, one day, when he saw a three-legged chicken. He was amused enough to drive along side it for a while. As he was driving, he noticed the chicken was running 30 mph. "Pretty fast chicken," he thought, "I wonder just how fast it can run." So, he sped up and the chicken did, too! They were, now, moving along the road at 45 mph! The man in the car sped up, again. To his surprise, the chicken was still running ahead of him at 60 mph! Suddenly, the chicken turned off the road and ran down a long driveway, leading to a farmhouse. The man followed the chicken to the house and saw a man in the yard, and dozens of three-legged chickens. The man in the car called out to the farmer, "How did you get all these three-legged chickens?" The farmer replied, "I breed 'em. Ya' see, it's me, my wife, and my son living here, and we all like to eat the chicken leg. Since a chicken only has two legs, I started breeding this three-legged variety so we could all eat our favorite piece." "That's amazing!" said the driver. "How do they taste?" "Don't rightly know," said the farmer, "we can't catch 'em." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ September 12 is Chocolate Milk Shake and National Video Games Day September 13 is National Peanut Day, Positive Thinking Day and Uncle Sam Day - his image was first used in 1813 September 14 is National Cream-Filled Donut Day September 15 is Make a Hat Day and Felt Hat Day - On this day, men traditionally put away their felt hats. September 16 is American Legion Day, Collect Rocks Day, Step Family Day, Mayflower Day, Mexican Independence Day, National Play Doh Day POW/MIA Recognition Day and Working Parents Day September 17 is National Apple Dumpling Day, Citizenship Day and Constitution Day September 18 is National Cheeseburger Day, National Women's Friendship Day and 18 Wife Appreciation Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: >Stress Diet BREAKFAST: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz skim milk LUNCH: 4 oz broiled chicken 1 cup steamed zucchini 1 Oreo cookie 1 cup herb tea AFTERNOON SNACK: Rest of the package of Oreo cookies 1 qt Rocky Road ice cream 1 jar hot fudge DINNER: 2 loaves garlic bread 1 large pepperoni & mushroom pizza 1 pitcher of beer/soda 3 candy bars 1 entire cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer ___ ___ ___ ___ ___.---------------. .'\__\'\__\'\__\'\__\'\__,` . ____ ___ \ |\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ _:\ |:. \ \___ \ \\'\__\'\__\'\__\'\__\'\_`.__| `. \ \___ \ \\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __: \ \\'\__\'\__\'\__\ \__\'\_;-----------------` hh \\/ \/ \/ \/ \/ : | \|______________________;________________| Remember: Stressed spelled backwards is Desserts. -<>- >Long Trip Before leaving home with our family for the drive from Maine to Disney World in Florida, the children were warned that it was a long trip and no one was to ask, "How much farther is it?" or "When will we arrive?" The journey was remarkably question-free until 9 a.m. on the third day, when the youngest of the children sighed, "Will I still be five when we get there?" -<>- >Sharing As she prepared to go to school, my 17-year-old daughter asked to borrow a pair of my shorts. Since she'd never asked to share my clothes before, I happily got her a pair. "Why do you want them?" I asked. She replied, "It's nerd day at school." -<>- >Meaningful Gift Every year on my birthday, I looked forward to my aunt's gift ... a scarf, hat, gloves or sweater knitted by hand. One year, she must have had better things to do because I received a ball of yarn, knitting needles, and a how-to-knit book. Her card read: "Scarf, some assembly required." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) _____ /`.---.`\ / /.---.\ \ ; |/ e e \| ; ; \| ^ |/ | | \_=_/ | |.-"` `"-.| / `'-...-'` \ | | | , | \ './|\.' / ;._(/:\)_.; || : : || || ; : || || : : || || '.' || || + || || || || || |'-.___.-'| | | '-.__ __.-' jgs (_/`\_) >Smiles In Ireland, Pat is not feeling very well and he decides to go to a doctor. While he is waiting in the doctor's reception room, a nun comes out of the doctor's office. She looks very ashen, drawn and haggard. Pat goes into the doctor's office and says to the doctor: "I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible. I have never seen a woman look worse." The doctor says: "I just told her that she is pregnant." Pat exclaims: "Oh my, is she?" The doctor responds: "No, but it sure cured her hiccups." -------- A blonde and her husband are laying in bed watching TV, an old western is on. The husband says to his wife, "I bet you breakfast in bed that the covered wagon hits a rock and the driver falls out dead," "You're on," returned his wife. They watch the western and sure enough the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road and the driver falls out of the wagon ... dead. The wife gets out of bed and returns shortly with a tray of food. After eating the husband says, "I have to admit that I saw this movie before." She in turn confesses, "I saw the movie before too. But I didn't think he was stupid enough to ride over the same rock twice...." -------- ####### #######o### #####o#######o# ####o#\#|#/######## ########\|/##o#####o# # }}{ o # }{{ ( o }}{_ c_\ OW! }}{\( ejm97 }{{ \/\\ o Life Truths - Once over the hill, you pick up speed. - Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. - If the shoe fits......buy it in every color. - If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. - If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. - Some days are a total waste of makeup. - Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. - A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. - Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. - Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. - Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. - By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. -------- The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional. She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit." The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious, Sister Bernadette. Say five Hail Mary's, five Our Fathers and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar." -------- At Sea World, our grandson absolutely refused to see the show featuring Shamu the killer whale, but he wouldn't tell us why. No amount of discussion could get him to change his mind. Later, when we got home, we discovered the reason for his reluctance. An aunt had told him how exciting the show would be because "they choose children from the audience to feed Shamu." -------- .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` >THINGS NOT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY ~ "Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off." ~ "What's this doing here?" ~ "I hate it when they're missing stuff in here." ~ "That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!" ~ "I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses." ~ "Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all." ~ "Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?" ~ "Anyone see where I left that scalpel?" ~ "Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?" ~ "Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough." ~ "Oh no! Page 47 of the manual is missing!" --- ...LOL! Thanks LousieAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Gh0striders :) . .:::. .:::::::. V^V^V^V^V^V (| ^ ^ |) | (_) | `//=\\' (((())) )))(( (()))) ))(( (() )) ( jgs >Truisms Apply to yourself as appropriate… A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the driver's window and asks, "You drinkin'?" The driver said, "Well that depends - You buyin'?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I have so many problems that if a new one comes along today, it will be at least two weeks before I can worry about it. --- ...HaHa! Good Ones! Thanks Gh0striders! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From MoveAmericaForward: Remembering 9/11 and sharing that experience with others is the best way to educate those who don't understand or may have forgotten the kind of evil we are still fighting today. For the past couple years, MAF has been invited by John Vinson and his family to help them put up a huge memorial flag display to mark the anniversary of the terrorist attacks. This year, MAF put together a video showing John and his team of volunteers placing the flags in the ground. Watch the video http://tinyurl.com/jxjff9u BREAKING: NFL DESPICABLE PRACTICES!.....Allows Kaepernick And Others To Disrespect USA But Won’t Allow Players To Honor USA On 9/11 Anniversary http://tinyurl.com/zk2gnsx Hillary Campaign Tries To Hide Rally Photos From The Public ... about a 20 percent turnout ... http://tinyurl.com/jsowxjh Hillary Clinton Trashes Over 70 Million Americans…..Calls Millions Of Americans EVERY SLUR In The Book! http://tinyurl.com/zrdt686 Hillary Clinton Versus A Basket Of Deplorables, Well Not Really!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzpKSlEzv5g Brad Pitt Launches Vicious Attack On Trump Supporters… Time For a BOYCOTT http://conservativetribune.com/brad-pitt-attack-trump-supporters/ --- ...Love this comment on the page... Bob Destefano Where'd it go?? Brad Pitt asked where America went, that we want it back? It went into racism... when Obama constantly criticized cops before all the facts were in. It went into chaos on the border when Obama let illegals think they could get welfare in America. It went into religious extemism when muslims become refugees in the USA instead of fighting for their own country... and instead of the very christians muslims are killing. America became more threatened by Iran, N. Korea, and that "JV team" because Obama and Hillary made us appear weak. It went into the poor house because Obamacare and thousands of other regulations and taxes chased manufacturing out of the country... to Mexico and China. [And made small business' close And made hours reduced to 30 or under so employers wouldn't have to pay for 'Obamacare' for their employees causing people to be underemployed or have to get another job!] Pitt should know where it went... because he supported the politicians who made it disappear. Brad Pitt is part of the problem. -<>- >From BizarreNews: A teenager lost control of her car after she freaked out when a spider landed on top of her. The 18-year-old Australian woman arrived at the Bayview Boat Ramp in Sydney, at 7:00 a.m. Before she was able to fully stop the car, she saw a huge spider. She jumped out of the vehicle while applying the handbrake only half way. The woman then began "dancing" around to get the giant huntsman spider off of her, according to witnesses. As she focused on getting the spider away from her body, the car rolled off the ramp and into the water. The $20,000 Volkswagen was completely submerged in the water and needed to be towed back to shore. Good Samaritan Stuart Cooper, who witnessed the incident, came to her aid. He said that he was worried about other people being inside the car that was floating down the river. When he learned that the car was empty, Cooper spoke with the teenage driver who was crying and shaken up from the incident. When her mother arrived, she calmed her daughter down by saying: "Don't worry about the car, thank God that you are ok." -<>- A man accused of robbing a Kansas bank and immediately surrendering to a security guard told investigators he preferred jail to life with his wife, the FBI said. Lawrence John Ripple, 70, allegedly walked into the Bank of Labor in Kansas City and handed a teller a note reading, "I have a gun, give me money." Court documents state Ripple took the money and sat down in the lobby of the bank until he was approached by a security guard. "I'm the guy you're looking for," he allegedly told the guard. Police responded quickly to the bank, which is on the same block as the city's police headquarters, and Ripple was arrested. Ripple allegedly told investigators he has been arguing with his wife and "no longer wanted to be in that situation," court documents state. The FBI affidavit in support of a robbery charge against Ripple states the suspect "wrote out his demand note in front of his wife ... and told her he'd rather be in jail than at home." Ripple's wife said he had become angry when she reminded him that the clothes dryer needed to be repaired. Ripple, who was charged with robbery and aggravated robbery, might have to wait to get his wish for jail over home life; he was released on bond Wednesday. *--- Airport X-ray Finds Handgun and Pet Dog ---* The Transportation Security Administration said officers arrested a man whose carry-on bags were found by an X-ray machine to contain a gun and his pet dog. The TSA said the man placed two carry-on bags on the X-ray belt at Baltimore Washington International-Thurgood Marshall Airport and agents immediately spotted a handgun in the first item, a bag with wheels. The second bag, which resembled a duffle bag, was revealed to contain a small dog. "It's difficult to say which of the two was more surprising -- the X-ray image of the gun or the image of the dog's moving skeleton," the TSA said. The gun, a 9 mm packed with two empty magazines, was seized by authorities and the man was arrested by Maryland Transportation Authority Police, who discovered the suspect was also carrying a small knife. The man was arrested on weapons charges. *-------------- All In The Family --------------* An Oklahoma woman married two of her biological children over the course of eight years. Police arrested Patricia Ann Spann and her daughter, Misty Velvet Dawn Spann, for incest. The two had gotten married in Comanche County, Oklahoma, earlier this year. Patricia Spann, 43, lost custody of Misty, 25, and two other children when they were young. Patricia Spann told investigators she didn't have contact with her kids until two years ago, but when she reunited with Misty, she said they "hit it off." Court records show an annulment between Patricia Spann and her son in 2010. The two had been married since 2008. Patricia Spann told officials that said she thought the marriage was OK because her name wasn't on her daughter's birth certificate, according to an affidavit. In Oklahoma, marrying a close relative is considered incest whether, the relationship is s##ual or not, and incest is a felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison. *--------------- Sorry, Wrong Car ---------------* Police in Florida said they arrested a woman who was caught on camera setting fire to a car she mistakenly thought belonged to her ex-boyfriend. The Clearwater Police Depart- ment said Carmen Chamblee, 19, was identified by members of the public from a surveillance video showing the woman fanning the flames she allegedly sparked in the trunk of a white car before fleeing. Police said Chamblee was arrested by a Pinellas County Sheriff's Office deputy. Investigators said Chamblee admitted to torching the vehicle and told police she thought the car belonged to her ex-boyfriend. Police said Chamblee was mistaken about the identity of the vehicle's owner. Chamblee was arrested on a charge of second degree arson. *------- Who Says Drugs Make You Stupid? -------* Authorities in California said an amateur fisherman cast his homemade line in the wrong place when he was caught fishing for drugs in a police drop box. The Santa Barbara Sheriff's Office said a sergeant confronted a man spotted using a homemade cord and fishing hook to remove drugs from the Operation Medicine Cabinet drop box in front of the sheriff's Coastal Station in Carpinteria. Christian Kulbe, 46, had successfully reeled in some drugs and syringes when he was caught fishing in the drop box, one of several set up by the sheriff's office and the Santa Barbara County Public Works to allow residents to safely dispose of unused drugs and medications. Kulbe was taken to the Santa Barbara County Jail on charges including possession of stolen property, petty theft, possession of burglary tools, prowling and possession of controlled substances. He was ordered held in lieu of $2,500 bail. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Cloie :) _________ ' |. |_ . |. |:| . .-----. ` |. |/ / RIP \ |_________| | | __|___|__ ____________|_______|______[_________]______________ | | | _______ _______ ______ __ __ _______ ______ | | | __| | | | |/ | ___| __ \ | | |__ | | | ---| <| ___| < | | |_______|_______|______|__|\__|_______|___|__| | | | | | |____________________________________________________| b'ger >Cancel your credit card before you die. Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange : Family Member: I am calling to tell you she died back in January. Citibank: The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply. Family Member: Maybe you should turn it over to collections.' Citibank: Since it is two months past due, it already has been. Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead? Citibank: Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both! Family Member: Do you think God will be mad at her? Citibank: Excuse me? Family Member: Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead? Citibank: Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor. Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member: I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance. Citibank: The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply. Family Member: You mean you want to collect from her estate? Citibank: (Stammer) Are you her lawyer? Family Member: No, I'm her great nephew. (Lawyer info was given) Citibank: Could you fax us a certificate of death? Family Member: Sure. (Fax number was given) After they get the fax : Citibank: Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help. Family Member: Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care. Citibank: Well, the late fees and charges will still apply. (What is wrong with these people?!?) Family Member: Would you like her new billing address? Citibank: That might help.... Family Member: Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69. Citibank: Sir, that's a cemetery! Family Member: And what do you do with dead people on your planet??? (Priceless!!) And you wondered why Citibank needed help from the Feds? --- ...LOL! Thanks Cloie! It is amazing ALL the mail our dearly departed get! Even Voting rights and new credit cards! My mom was preapproved for many credit cards and loans and her vote always counted too - along with book and magazine renewals and setting her up for yearly contributions - even after she passed! It got ridiculous. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) >Little Bits... _.--"""--._ .' '-. `. __/__ (-. `\ \ /o `o \ \ \ \ _\__.__/ )) | | ; .--;" | | \ ( `) | | \ _|`---' .' _, _| | `\ '`_\ \ '_,.-';_.-`\| \ \_ .' '--'---;` / / |\ |_..--' \ \'-'.' .--'.__/ __.-; `"` (___...---''` \ _/_ \ /jgs\ \___/ Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives: 1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 4. A dog's parents never visit. 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. 6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day. 7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.. 8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing. 9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?" 10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away 11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert. 12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting. 13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck. And last, but not least: 14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff. To test this theory: _ _ ____________/ / \_.)_ `. ,' @_@_/ ,'| `-.-' , / /| `-.____,-' | || \ \ || | | \| / \ ,,' | \ // hh / | || | ,-\ // | _\ \|| (_`-(_____)/ Lock your spouse and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you. -<>- >Thoughts: "A Poor life tis, if full of care, we have not the time to stand and stare." W. H. Davies, Welsh Poet (1871-1940) One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. Rita Mae Brown When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people. I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it. Rita Mae Brown --- ...Good Ones! Thanks Bunni! =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: / .- __ |/,-'` `-.\ _.-'''-._ \\ .--. _.;.--._.--.;._ _\\/_`~\\ _ .-. .` /( / \ )\ `|. \\ |--' | \ | | ; '-' '-' ; |~~~~~| _\ \| |__ | (_) | | '__|_ (_` _)| . . | |. (__ \ `', |` | `-.___.-' | | (__ | | | ; | : | ; | '(___ | | | \ | : | / | . | | | \____'._| : |_.'___;====| | \ | : | / jgs '------. '._.' .---------'` | | | . ~ . | | | | | |____.____| /===========\ ;:. | .::. ; |:' |_'::' | | .:. | | |__':'_|___.::| [______I______] | | | (_ | _) | | | _|___|___|_ .-//\\--|||--//\\-. (_||__\\//|\\//__||_) `"""""""""`"""""""""` >ENGLISH for TOURISTS Cocktail lounge, Norway: "LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR." On an Athi River highway: "TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE." In a City restaurant: "OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS. Hotel, Japan: "YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID." In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY." Taken from a menu, Poland: "SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION." Supermarket, Hong Kong: "FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE." >From the "Soviet Weekly": "THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS." On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO MOSCOW, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT." A laundry in Rome: "LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME." -<>- One night at about 3am my wife was getting up from the toilet to return to bed when she heard a little noise. It was a suspiciously rodent like sound that seemed to be right in the bathroom with her. She, of course, froze and listened attentively for any further sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that she was alone, she took a step for the door. Rodent scratchy sounds again! She froze, not breathing. Silence. Her heart beat fast as she once again tried to retreat from the bath- room. This time the noise was accompanied by something touching the back of her leg! That was too much to bear. She literally flew the 8 feet to the bed, clearing the foot board by a couple feet, to land screaming by my side. The culprit was right there in plain sight, a trail of toilet paper neatly marked the path from bed to the bathroom. -<>- I was complaining the other day to a friend about the knot in my tie. "These four-in-hands with their tiny knots are so un-stylish," I complained. He asked, "Do you know how to do a Windsor knot?" I replied, "It doesn't matter if you Windsor knot, it's how you play the game! -<>- I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The nurse asked for my height and weight and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet." -<>- At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Dot you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatist, steadfastly replied, "No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back in my face, I can use it again." -<>- A man was showing his friend a new set of matched golf clubs he had just bought. "Doctor's orders," the man told his friend. "My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs." "What about your wife?" the friend asked. "What did you buy her?" "A new lawn mower," the golfer said. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Fran :) ______ ___ _(_____ )__)_ (________ ____) @@@ (________) @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@ @@@@@@@ ||\._ _./| | || \ `-.______.-' / | | || \ / | | || `-._ _.-' | | || `--' | | || | | /|\\|\|| /|||/\\|/||/|\\\/| |\\||//| VK >God's Plan For Aging Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that senior become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good. Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good. Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good. So if you find as you age. You are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath. . _._ dO .dOOOb._ _.dOP "OOOb dOOOP O O. "Ob dOP~' .O `O. () . . () .O' `OOo. .O' `O. .O' AMC `OOO' : : `OOO' . 9 ' ` .O| 9 O. .O'| |OO. .O' | | `OOo. .oO' | | | `OOOOOOOO' | | | | | | | | | | | | | _________| |_________\ | | | | ~| | | | | | | | | | | OOOOOOOOO| | | OOO OOO | OO OOO Nine Important Facts To Remember As We Grow Older #9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world. #8 Life is s##ually transmitted. #7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. #6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich. #5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years. #4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing. #3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. #2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal. #1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow. _____ / \ (____/\ ) |___ U?(____ _\L. | \ ___ / /"""\ /.-' | |\ | ( / _/u | \___|_)_| \| \\ / / \_(___ __) | \\ / / | | | | ) _/ / ) | | _\__/.-' /___( | | Contemplation or Constipation ? _/ __________/ \ | | // / ( ) | | ( \__|___\ \______ /__|____| \ (___\ |______)_/ \ |\ \ \ / \ | \__ ) )___/ \ \ )/ /__( -Michael Reeung- ___ | /_//___| \_________ _/ ( / OUuuu \ `----'(____________) Please share this wisdom with others while I go to the bathroom. --- ...LMAO! Yeppers! Thanks Fran! -<>- ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ |______|______|______|______|______| .',',-. ______ ____ _____ _______ __ \.. :. '. | ____/ __ \ / ____|/ ____\ \ / / /_@ @ '' | |__ | | | | | __| | __ \ \_/ / ( ,_ -,--. | __|| | | | | |_ | | |_ | \ / / \_ '._ \ | | | |__| | |__| | |__| | | | .' .'-._':-' |_| \____/ \_____|\_____| |_| : \ \\ ''' >SMILES During my first meeting with my physically challenged students, I assured them that most people are handicapped in some way. "Look at me," I said. "My eyes are so bad, I need to wear glasses. Because I can barely hear, I need a hearing aid. And look at my ears ... they're much bigger than they should be." From the back, a boy added, "And your nose, too." ¤»«¤ Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades .... somebody is going to get a spanking...." ¤»«¤ A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?" Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!" The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?" Confused, the bartender says no. "Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?" ¤»«¤ Little Johnny's mother asked him what he would like for his birthday. "I'd like a little brother," Little Johnny said. "Oh my, that's such a big wish," said his mother. "Why do you want a little brother"? "Well," said Little Johnny, "there's only so much I can blame on my dog." ¤»«¤ While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn't help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, "Now remember, run to Daddy first, then the dog." ¤»«¤ A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc," said the husband, "but she's a great cook and really Good with the kids." ¤»«¤ ____ / __\ |: /---) \ / ___ \:( _/ \ / /_ \ \ \ \/ \_\::) \_ \ _0""0_ / _/ \ \/= \/ =\/ / \ | (||) | / \_\______/_/ __// \\__ /__//====\\__\ _ //__//====\\__\\ _ _ //__//====\\__\\ _ _ // /( )\ \\ _ _ / /( )\ \ _ |( )| / \ / /||\ \ \:_/\_:/ S@yaN 11.11.02 A man goes into a seafood restaurant and sees a sign that reads: "Big Red Lobster Tails - $1." Amazed at the value of the offer, he calls a waitress over. "Excuse me," he said. "Is that sign correct?" "Yes sir," she replied. "It's today's special offer." "Fantastic," said the man. "But are you sure they're not small?" "Oh no sir, I can assure you that they are very big." "Are they out of date then?" "No, no sir, they are fresh in this morning." "Well in that case, here's my $1. Fill me up." The waitress took the $1 coin, sat down beside him and said, "Once upon a time, there was a big red lobster..." ¤»«¤ Oh yeah... You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet. Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought "Nap Time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation. The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees. Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice. At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for. ¤»«¤ _ /' `\ k___y th j /`Y'\ .,--,. \___/ ... ,' __ ', _ ||| j /' `\ t f | t j f | | j t_| T j \ / t Y| | ', `--' ,' || U '~--~' LJ kth The Senior Breakfast Special - $2.99 SPECIAL We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99. 'Sounds good,' my wife said, 'But I don't want the eggs.' ‘Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her. 'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously. 'YES!' stated the waitress. 'I'll take the special then,' my wife said. 'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked. 'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake. DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS! WE'VE been around the block more than once! --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Fran! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Humor With Computers!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/computerhumor.html Ladies Unleashed!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ladies.html All Occasion Cakes 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aocakes2.html Dogs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogs.html That's God!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thatsgod.html How True It Is!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nyear.html 90/10 Principle!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giving.html The Blue Ribbon!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blueribbon.html Playing With Food!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food.html Best Bed Positions!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bed.html Friends And Health!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendhealth.html Medical Health Test!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/medical.html Journey Through Life!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/journey.html Seven Wonders Of The World!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wonders.html -<>- >Follow Me On StumbleUpon: http://tinyurl.com/jbbaxvp -<>- >From Our Friend Norma :) WHERE MUSLIM REFUGEES RESETTLED IN YOUR TOWN IN 2015 http://tinyurl.com/ja6nvzw --- ...Interesting and crazy! Thanks Norma! Another one to see... Hundreds of Somalis and other Africans coming across US southern border, requesting asylum https://refugeeresettlementwatch.wordpress.com/ We need the TRUMP! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) The Chinese Spring Festival, symbolizing the new year, is one of the most important celebrations in Eastern culture, and is celebrated on a date based on the lunar cycle. This spectacular martial arts show was broadcast during the 2015 celebrations, and depicts the changing of the seasons with a breathtaking performance of coordination and skill. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhGvJHTOQmM The American spirit and resilience is shown in “Boatlift”, the epic story of the 9/11 boatlift that evacuated half a million people from the piers and seawalls of Lower Manhattan. I had no idea that the 9/11 boat evacuation was larger than the evacuation at Dunkirk during World War Two and they completed it so fast. The video is narrated by Tom Hanks who I am a fan of as usually whatever film he has a hand in turns out to be a great production. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDOrzF7B2Kg --- ...Love this! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Happy birthday to New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. It was the first birthday party where someone jumped into the cake instead of out of it." -Jimmy Fallon "Labor Day Weekend is always kind of sad to me. Summer's over. Good-bye fun sandals and flirty tops, hello pictures of kids wearing backpacks on Facebook." -Jimmy Kimmel "President Obama flew to China for Labor Day. There was a bit of a rough patch at the beginning of the meeting, when Chinese officials wouldn't let President Obama get off Air Force One using the normal staircase, or 'Stair Force One' - I hope that's what they call it." -Stephen Colbert "A JetBlue flight took off from Florida to Cuba this week, marking the first commercial flight to Cuba since 1961. People said that they couldn't believe the third world conditions, but then they got off the JetBlue plane and were like, 'Finally, we're in Cuba.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A restaurant in Manhattan has created a $15, 25-ounce milk shake, which comes in a cream cheese frosted glass covered in marshmallows and cereal, filled with ice cream and topped with a cinnamon bun. At least that's what it said on the toxicology report." -Seth Meyers "In France, a shipment that was supposed to contain orange juice was discovered to actually contain a massive shipment of cocaine. Either way, a great way to start your morning." -Conan O'Brien "The owner of an ice cream truck named Snow Cone Joe was arrested for allegedly stalking his rival truck, called Mr. Ding-a-Ling. It's being called the saddest turf war ever." -Conan O'Brien "A company in California has started selling a new cologne that smells like whiskey. I think my dad's been wearing that cologne for 40 years." -Jimmy Fallon "A company called Dog Nation just launched an IQ online test for your dog. It covers understanding hand gestures and learning words. It's actually a secret IQ test for humans. If you pay $60 to give your dog an IQ test, you failed." -Jimmy Kimmel >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************