Seniors Speak Out And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first scorcher is from our friends Adrian (my brother) and EdLaF, It is one that is very well done and sure to bring a few smiles. Give it time to load and check it out here... ,,_--_, \./ ,// _ _\ \./ ;;\ // x x /;;; \ \ | _\ / / \ \ \ o / / / \ `-'\__/-' / \ \/ / | /\ | | |//|| | \/ | .--'-----'-----. /| | / | | | | ,d888b, | | | J8888888L | :F_P: | | 888888888 | Humor In Politics 8 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics8.html --- ...LOL! I Love It! Thanks Adrian and EdLaF! This second red hot one is from our friend PatDeE. If the beauty of it doesn't get you the philosophy will! As always, give it time to load and check it out here... ;A: :'"`: ~ ~ ~ ~ . : ; : , " " ' " ; . : ; ' : ,' Y ;Y . ~~-C, , . ~ .".: , : ' . \. { ~ >``\ V /' :. *>/ ,*,o@o,*.. } ; . ',6*"@@*9, `, ` : { ' .: .'{o"@"@*o} L, : : .' .;&)"^"(*:: `.*:, ,' `:. .:' .'::' i `:.*. : ` ~ .;, `~~~ ".* / ; : : ? { ." ; : i, : "V' : : :|} { " } Y : : ; : ; `;. . A . ,; `~ ~ Among The Orchids http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orchids.html --- ...Awww, another awesomely well done one! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Useful English System Conversions Units: * Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi * * 2.4 statute miles of intravenous _..-.._ * surgical tubing at Yale Univer- * .'_/ _ \_'. sity Hospital = 1 I.V. League /_ _| __|_ _\___ * | _ |_ _| _ | /\ * 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = jgs |___|___J___|__\/ Won Ton * Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = knot-furlong * 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = 1 light year * 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling _ _| | * 1 millionth cup of mouthwash = 1 microscope .'_) | /_/ |_| * 1/2 large intestine = 1 semicolon (_) |_| \ \_____ * 1000 aches = 1 megahertz jgs |________| * Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram * Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower * Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line * Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond ,-"""-. * Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound 66._/ \___/ \ barrier = Mach Turtle (____)_/___\__\_) jgs /_// \\_\ * 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake * Given the old adage "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step," the first step of a one-mile journey = 1 Milwaukee ======================================================= *-- Even More Bizarre June Holidays --* June 11 is National Hug Holiday and King Kamehameha Day June 12 is Machine Day June 13 is National Juggling Day and Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day June 14 is Pop Goes The Weasel Day June 15 is Smile Power Day June 16 is National Hollerin' Contest Day June 17 is Watergate Day and Eat Your Vegetables Day =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Brenda :) ... * . _ . * . * . * (_) * . |* .. * .. . * \| * ___ . . * * \/ |/ \/{o,o} . _\_\ | / /) )* _/_ * \ \| /,--"-"--- .. _-----` |(,__,__/__/_ . \ || .. ||| . * ||| ejm98 ||| , -=-~' .-^- _ ` >Let Go of the Past Release what needs to be free. It's really hard to let go. For Many of us it is instinctive to cling. Holding on to it only Causes pain. When you let go of the old things, you pave the way for New things-experiences that are perhaps more exciting, Adventurous or wholesome. When you let go of the past, You free yourself. You are letting go of that which is Rotting and decaying You are then ready to embrace the fresh, unopened buds of change. Have the courage to let go. When you relinquish the past, Your future embraces you. ~~unknown --- ...Great tip! Thanks Brenda! -<>- >Knees Our kindergarten class went to the fire station for a tour and some instruction in fire safety. The fireman was explaining what to do in case of a fire. He said, "First, go to the door and feel the door to see if it's hot." Then he said, "Fall to your knees. Does anyone know why you ought to fall to our knees?" ,,,,, ////""\ (((/ m m )))c = ) ////-./~` . (((( `.`\ :: )))`\ \)).-;.' (() `._.-'` )/ `. | jgs ( \' .-.--\ \ |_;_._`\ | | ; ``` ; | /``-.____/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ `' One of the little tykes said, "Sure, to start praying to ask God to get us out of this mess!" --- ...LOL! Good One! Thanks Brenda! -<>- (.,------...__ _.'" `. .' .' `, `. `. ` . .' .'/''--...__`. \ . .--.`. ' "-. '. | '' .' _.' .()) .--":/ ''( \_\ ' (()( ''._' ( \ ' ' `. `--' ' `.: . `-.___.' ' `. . _ _ .' ) .____.-' .'`. (--.. .' \ /\ / / `. .' \( \ /|/ `. .' \__/ `. / | o | \ | | | jro >Little Johnny Little Johnny was at the mall with his mother when a man came walking toward them. Little Johnny hopped up and down, laughed, pointed, and screamed, "Mommy! Look at that bowlegged man!" His mother was so embarrassed. "John, your manners are atrocious! You need some culture, young man!" For the next month Little Johnny was forced to read Shakespeare every night. When his detention was finally over, she again took him to the same mall and sure enough, the same bowlegged man came walking toward them. Had Little Johnny learned anything from the great bard? Yes. This time, as the man approached, Little Johnny cried out, "Hark! What manner of man is this me sees, who walks in a strange parentheses?" -<>- 980819 ,="=-. ,`'oo' \o`. ( .88 |^||^)) ) , ) ) `@ (@' (. ( ` , `C ' ) `) `-=' ,/ ._c/ `-=' ,-( `-.,')-. gpyy `( ) `' '` One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school the teacher punished me for something that I didn't do." The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this right away! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?" "My homework," she replied... --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks Brenda! ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend KarenF :) .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) >Seniors Speak Out Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for Every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real Or imaginary. We take responsibility for all we have Done and do not blame others. BUT, upon reflection, we would like to point out that It was NOT the senior citizens who took: The melody out of music, The pride out of appearance, The romance out of love, The commitment out of marriage, The responsibility out of parenthood, The togetherness out of the family, The learning out of education, The service out of patriotism, The religion out of school, The Golden Rule from rulers, The nativity scene out of cities, The civility out of behavior, The refinement out of language, The dedication out of employment, The prudence out of spending, or The ambition out of achievement, And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated Patience and tolerance from personal relationships and Interactions with others!! Does anyone under the age of 50 know the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner? Just look at the Seniors with Tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they Stand at attention with their hand over their hearts! Remember.......Inside every older person is a younger Person wondering what the heck happened! ~~~~~ ()._ _.--. (##)_`-. / . ``u (##), ` `. \__) _/ (##),--. \ | --' ()' \ \ / | | | ,' \ _,' / ,' | ,;--// / ___\ |/ ___V__{(_ | ' \| || ,'-===- `,'| __| ,' /| || |""""""""|-L| ,`__. < _)))_))) |________|,' gnv (,' ool YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN! The life of the party...even if it only lasts until 8 p.m. I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer. I'm usually interested in going home Before I get to where I am going. I'm awake many hours before my Body allows me to get up. I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying. I'm very good at telling stories; Over and over and over and over... I'm aware that other people's grandchildren Are not as cute as mine. I'm so cared for -- long term care, eye care, Private care, dental care. ~~~~~ I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, Crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Toyota Commercials, Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, barking dogs, Politicians and a few other things I can't remember. I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place. I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg. I'm having trouble remembering simple words like....... I'm realizing that aging is not for wimps. I'm sure they are making adults much younger these Days, and when did they let kids become policemen? I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how Could I be alive at 150? I'm a walking storeroom of facts..... I've just lost the key to the storeroom door. Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and... I think I am having the time of my life! ~ Stan Nemeth ~ --- ...Oh yeah! LOL! Thanks KarenF! -<>- [politics] . |\ /| \ / | \ .'. | \ '.|_(())))) ((((/.( ,))) _/ ((((_( )/ \\ \__/-) /\__ \_\(\ .'\ \ '. )\ \\\ ___..' o \ \.' / \ \\\ ''---. \_\ / '.\\\ . ' , '--.'\_ /. .| \-'---- O - \/O'. (_/ \ \| ) ' . ' |O O \___ /.'.__.'._.' | O|_O O/ /.'. .'. | |O |O O/) / O '._.' '.| |_O|_O'/ / O | ||/ / /'._________.'| \ )_/ /''.-.-.-.-.-.-| '. \ '.____________.' \ _\ |/ /mrf __'\\ __(,\_\_ _______ ____ __ ____(_'--_)__ Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one Day. As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world." "I am entering" said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do? "First Place", said Snow White. They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world." "I'm entering," says Superman. After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?" "First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?" They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?" Pinocchio says "this is mine." Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes. "What happened?" they asked. "Who the heck is Obama?" asked Pinocchio. --- ...OH My! HAHA! Thanks KarenF! >Medical school A young man applied to go to medical school, but he didn't pass the entrance exam. One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of human body that is more useful when erect." Those who spelled SPINE became Doctors... The rest ended up in Congress. --- ...Whoops! LOL! Thanks KarenF! -<>- ._rGDWM4KKW4mNmDGDWWmmL__ _r8\KMM48|/D844d\bK+d@Kb*VM8W_, m@@Z88/K4548!,\7YK5((t\Y87)/)TM58j :45K5D@)\G\Z,,5(-/-!)D,\DT`K/.(bN))ZG d8@D@GZZ,-!L!K`,+D,-.T4K !;!NbL!8-8-(8| WMK8K8Wq88N/VLVb\!8,.. 5W- t|!Zr)8!KK:K8m_ j@88KW4WMW8@888GMK`W5..!-W))\!|K8(W!D|G@DK8D; |WM8W8G@!@8W8MK8b8W)GD|!b|4K4|N8W@G8MKW5WM@8GW! .88@W8MWMM5PK@8G88@KKWK8Md48D@|VW88W8M8)+\888888L :8Z@8@88VZZZZKNV58M8@W88K888@|dM8M(+f!- )-Z884((8, K85K4MG)))))X(((5(*D@8DW8K8554(Y/)'!'--/!-(M8Z))8| @D@8@)D((((!/\\\)\Y!/(5M4Z))\!'-.!`-! !/'\ 885(58| |MMMKW5N)'!-',/!.`.\- !\\\'/,/,/- -.\ - -/--!8K!V8W |8M58KDD)\`,\ -..` -,-/-`,-.-!.` !'/,/'/.-(-`W8/!88 |@8@WDK4!\!! -!---!-,(.((.\--\-`-!`-\.'/ !)!\V4((88 |8K8M5(())\-,'\`-/-!.---- /!!`!`- !\- -! -! -)8))8W |88@88Xt!\!-!-. !-\-.-!`-`,--.'-'\-`/`,. !|-,K8Z/8@ |8@8@G)ZK-\` -,-,\.`,! /!--`/'-'!-./.-,-,))!-K8((8K `8W8K5(D)\--\'\`-( ---!!!!/!`!/.-!--'!,\`((\!4WD)8@ 888@GGZ((!( \- )--'!/.---.'/'!'-'`!` -'-\)-.88K(8K :(K88tNZ)-/jZmKLKK-/ -'/\-.`-/.'JjGGdJjJ,/K/ D8W\8b VNVZ8)K@//Pf+fM888W!!-`-` --.',448@88+MZmG|! V8W8@/| |DGZZ)DKV(.'\:__)Z)8/,'(!!`/,!rG)\!!.! -`+))!/W85(P !8K(5(5q)))))7J\((5(4q'\-/-.\4(((/+\)))/!!((\ 88)G| |GWG\)Z,`KW//88ND\8888(!! /j8ZDKDNMMM/44,/\)\ K84@; !Z8Z//\'!\\.,GKq',|\N5|. -\//(Y' :MLN..M- \)7 @WM5; !KKK\((`-`- / ..\((/|V|-'\ \'-!!\\//'!,\`!`(- 8Z8Z `DGD)))`/./(\(\)))!!)Z/`!(` '!,\)))_(-\ -,'!!'K((K 4t(\(\'- /'!\\~!`.-\5;\'/ \`.-! ,\'!' - ! - N\8! V!8\-/ '- -.`.- - -\N /-`- - -- - ',`- ! .'-b\); :'4;-)! --`. - ,!-';|.-(./,/`/'/'! .` ',-!! b-T- ((K`(\-'- !- . .!((/.-\-:-!`-/-` ,',' '.`\-!K /' `\) )D!! - - /))!G`.`!!`( /!)L/ - -` ',,) |`~' ` /WZ, -' _f/|/!\!-,',-\-,P\`Kb,- --..(/,! !(NZr/ /d\\\44MW(t-!/jW@T-\! DG/')//(((.! /)8(K((((//GDZWG@GM445(`/!-,-T5K((K/D))-' !(KD8G)\):8WK84W488D@\ ,-./!`,\NN))))Z// DDZ|/-//4WW88848ZZ!`,,_j\DW8K8Z-!!!t5(- VG)\b!-!.58P~!~\*+((++Y~\!8@P!\(\!!Z))' `K/-D))!/)KMm. .q45`-)-- /K(/ \K/(/--.+DDG8WD-\+-==/~/Z)\.',// K+/ K|/D!,'(5888KqL_/j::q!`\-,-..'-d8\' !|//;- GM885((!-!)\!,\`-\.--- !DG' 5-((-\88@))D))J..(\\\)\,/- /-(Wt' `|-\G88@~/4KKKDD))))7(!.-`,'/GK! , `d888@!!DDGt!7/7/`\'\-.'- \MD! .-._; -, d5K4K!\(DZ)!',\-\\-',/'/'/KW~ /'jW8f d8\ .W8)GZ))\T((\/( !!!,-`.`.\!(W' : 48ff j@8WjMZK4Z`KK(NZ)!) !,-,-/.'-\/=8' _ ` .,/K888885W* Y4G)KN/.!,,\-\.-,\rG@' 48@8W/ V(8K848Z `NKWNK44(Zj)GGGG5Wf `88KM4 88@88@ '~~~~YfM4M4Z+~ V888@) 5WM8P M8Rob.M88f `*88888*' `YY~' unknown >Random Thoughts 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to Immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an Argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't Want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Mapquest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they Told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" Means I will never wash this -- ever. 15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, It rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? 16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. 17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone Just so I know not to answer when they call. 18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the heck do I respond to that? 19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any Given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin With Miller Lite than Kay. --- ...LOL! Thanks KarenF! ================================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From PatriotUpdate: Obama Accused of Leaking National Intelligence http://tinyurl.com/7umyhhg -<>- >From CowboyByte: NYC Principal Says No to Students Singing 'God Bless the USA' http://tinyurl.com/cg7qz8n -<>- >From The TeapPartyEconomists: Buckle Up Fido or Pay a $1,000 Fine http://tinyurl.com/77wxkpj -<>- >From Godfatherpolitics: Obama Labor Department Requires Journalists to Use Government-Issued Computers http://tinyurl.com/cpxyjyk DOJ Stops Florida From Removing Dead People and Foreigners From Registered Voter List http://tinyurl.com/cyr7f3d -<>- >From ConservativeOutpost: Fellow Conservatives, Have you cast your vote yet? Who do you think that Mitt Romney should choose as his Vice-Presidential nominee? Marco Rubio? Tim Pawlenty? Paul Ryan? Chris Christie? Someone else? (click here & cast your vote!) http://tinyurl.com/6qe6fya -<>- >From BizarreNews: This story caught my eye not only because this joker apparently thinks he is in a Hollywood movie, but also because it happened not too far away from me out here in the burbs. A wig-wearing man broke into a suburban Chicago bank vault and nearly made off with $100,000 but got stuck in an air duct and had to be cut out hours later. Charles Estell, 38, was found early Sunday hiding in an air duct in an office next to the bank, according to Oak Lawn police spokesman Michael Kaufmann. The Chicago man had allegedly robbed the suburban bank Saturday afternoon, and pointed a gun at bank employees who confronted him in the vault, according to the FBI. "I don't want to kill or hurt you," Estell said, according to the criminal complaint. "I just want the money." He allegedly stuffed $100,000 in a backpack and fled. Employees told authorities it appeared he escaped through the ceiling. Authorities spent hours searching for him and located him around 1 a.m. Sunday. But before they could cut him loose from the air duct, they had to remove a wig of long, beaded dreadlocks he was wearing. *-- Bear killed after swatting man in hot tub --* WHISTLER, British Columbia - Police in Whistler, British Columbia, say officers shot and killed a black bear that swatted a man on the head as he relaxed in a backyard hot tub. The 55-year-old Coquitlam man had his back to the woods while soaking in the hot tub Sunday afternoon when a blow from behind knocked him over in the tub, police said in a statement Monday. When he turned around, he found himself staring at the bruin. He yelled at the animal and made his way into the house to call police. Police found the bear about 100 yards away in the forest and shot it. The man was treated for cuts on his head. *-- Artist turns deceased cat into helicopter --* AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - A Dutch artist said he decided to pay tribute to his departed cat by turning the depart- ed feline's taxidermied remains into a working helicopter. Bart Jansen said his cat, Orville, was named after legend- ary aviator Orville Wright and the feline's namesake helped inspire him to transform the stuffed remains into a radio- controlled helicopter with the help of RC expert Arjen Beltman, The Mirror, Britain, reported Monday. Jansen said the "Orvillecopter," which is being displayed at the Kunstrai art festival in Amsterdam, is a tribute to his beloved pet. "After a period of mourning he received his propellers posthumously," he said. The artist said his "half cat, half machine" creation will soon be "flying with the birds." "He will receive more powerful engines and larger props for his birthday. So this hopping will soon change into steady flight," Jansen said. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .=""--._ __..._ ,="_`/.--"" ..-""__...._""" `^"\ .' ,/_,.__.- _, _ .`. .' _.' .-'; /_\ \o|_ .' -" .-' / `o' / \,- `"""""----"" ( `.--'`---'=' `.. .'.`-..-/`\ `";`7 'j`"--' _.| | | .-' ; `. .-' .- :` ; .-'_.._7___ _7 ;|.---. ( `"\ /--..r=`) \__..--"7'`. ,`7 `}\' __. .-" / J/}/ .-"" \.-" .' `; : .' .' ; ; / : | .-._ `. : | ;-. /`. `/ `--| ; / \ ;`. ` : _; ; .' : : .-': .' \ ; _.--' :/ .' / | ,__ .-'"""""--. 7 / / : \`"""" `. ' / / : J__..._ `. ; .' \ -. `-.\ `,J.-' `._ `._.' fsc `"""" Vacationing in Kentucky, a friend and I spent the night at a small motel outside of Louisville. In the morning, I asked the woman at the desk for directions to Churchill Downs. Not able to tell us, she called her husband from the back room. "Churchill Downs?" he asked. "That's the race-track, isn't it?" We nodded. He hesitated and then said, "I'm pretty sure it's somewhere south of the university. I'm sorry, but I don't think I can be much help." At that point his wife left the room. The husband looked over his shoulder to make sure she had disappeared. Then he winked at us, leaned over the counter and whispered, "Take Third Street through town, go past the university and turn right on Central Avenue. After that, just look for the twin spires. You can't miss 'em!" -<>- A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here's something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on. Eventually a bewildered shopper who'd heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?" The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to Virginia Tech and this is what she came home with!" -<>- Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. To enforce that rule, the management posted this notice: "Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria." Next to it, a student added, "Socks can eat wherever they want." -<>- Q: Did you hear about the unique platypus? A: He was unlike all the otters. Q: Did you hear about the robbery in the laundry room? A: Two clothespins held up a pair of pants. -<>- A mother and father were chatting with their eight-year-old son about his future. The youngster said he'd like to attend Cornell, as his parents and other members of the family had. Pleased with his response, they pressed on. "What would you like to take when you attend college?" they asked the little boy. ___________,_____ | # |=====| | | | (_) |=====| |> _ |_____|=====| | [_] | | | | |_____|=====| | | |_____| | ] |_____| | | |_____|=====| | | ___ |_____| |> |[___]| | | |[___]|=====| |_____|=====|_____| jgs [###########] After giving it some thought and glancing around the kitchen, he replied, "The refrigerator, if you can get along without it." -<>- A buddy and I were golfing one afternoon and getting somewhat bored with the round; so when we came upon the water hazard with two ducks sitting quietly on the water, I bet him ten bucks he couldn't hit a duck and five dollars he couldn't even get one to move. Being a guy, he took the bet. He launched four shots toward the ducks, and even threw two by hand, and the ducks still wouldn't budge. Only after he lost six brand new golf balls did he realize the ducks were decoys. -<>- "Well, Ted, you're certainly coming up in the world. What's the idea of playing golf with not one, but two caddies!" "Oh, it was my wife's idea." "Your wife?" "Yeah," answers Ted, "She thought I should spend more time with the kids." ======================================================= >-->From TheMouth: __________ |DAILY NEWS| |&&& ======| |=== ======| |=== == %%$| |[_] ======| |=== ===!##| ejm97 |__________| >Actual Headlines: "Crack Found on Governor's Daughter" "Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash" "Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers" "Iraqi Head Seeks Arms" "Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?" "Prostitutes Appeal to Pope" "Panda Mating Fails, Veterinarian Takes Over" "Teacher Strikes Idle Kids" "Miners Refuse to Work after Death" "Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant" "War Dims Hope for Peace" "If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile" "Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures" "Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide" "Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges" "Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead" "Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge" "New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group" "Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft" "Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy" "Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half" "Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors" ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: >DEFINITIONS: __ @@;, ( ; ? : ); _| |_ | | || | | _| |_ | \ \ \/ || \/ ___ / / | __| |\ __||____||___||______/| | ||| | |_______ _________| | ||| ||| |____ | | ____| ||| Design by \ \______ ) | | / ______/ / || | | | | | /___| || Samule J. Neptune || | | |_ /| | |\ _| || || || | \__, / | | | \<__/ | || Support: A place to go ashore for dinner. (Don Kirkman) Scabbard:: A non-union poet (Stan Kegel) Inbred: Best way to eat salami. (Lexicon) Gynecologist: A private's investigator (Lexicon) Restaurant: Where people are happy when they're fed up. (Stan Kegel) Paratroopers - A couple of old vaudevillians (Cynthia MacGregor) Icicle: An eavesdropper. (Lexicon) Lox and Bagels: Birds hovering at each end of the Panama Canal. (Stan Kegel) Hangnail: A coat hook. (Lexicon) Lambaste: An essential step in roasting mutton (Cynthia MacGregor) Royalty: Served to her Majesty with crumpets. (Keith Martin) Spiking: Head of the C. I. A. (Stan Kegel) Portends: When you hire a homeless guy to watch your car. (Gary Hallock) Trainee: One who rests beverages on one's main leg joint. (Puns Defined) Spokesperson: One who repairs bicycle wheels. (Tim Bruening) Tutor: One who plays a brass or woodwind instrument. (Phil Hudson) Iceberg: A kind of permanent wave. (Lexicon) Tablespoon: what you use to eat a table. (Scot Nelson) Royal Blood: Blue genes (Stan Kegel) Derided: What the cowboy is after he is thrown from the bull. (Gary Hallock) -<>- >POETRY "The Hokey Pokey" by William Shakespeare: O proud left foot, that ventures quick within Then soon upon a backward journey lithe. Anon, once more the gesture, then begin: Command sinistral pedestal to writhe. Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke, Mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl. To spin! a wilde release from Heaven's yoke. Blessid dervish! Surely canst go, girl. The Hoke, the Poke -- banish now thy doubt Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about. (By Jeff Brechlin) A shy piece of celery, named Walker Truly bored Bloody Mary, a talker Once she'd told him goodbye He'd still sneak around and spy For he was, by his nature, a stalker (Chris Caillouet) Do you of indoor golf know the source? Must be different from golf perforce. Can one play holes nine? Brood I, since I saw sign - 'Remove shoes before you inter course ! (Gunjan Saraf)' A randy young fellow named Yates Went out drinking and searching for mates But the girls in the bars Had the worst acne scars And the guy just abhors pitted dates (Chris Caillouet) When the temp reached a hundred two My wife's yearning for snow cones grew. "Why'd you buy only one?" My wife asked. I said, "Hon, 'Cause I only have ice for you." (Foot Long Hot Dog) A young manicurist named Gail Fell in love with a dentist named Dale They might still be together Were they birds of a feather But they constantly fought tooth and nail (Chris Caillouet) -<>- >TOM SWIFTIES: "I like the way I look wearing my new Wonder Bra," Sue upliftingly pointed out. (Stan Kegel) "I've stuffed a torch into that old bongo and tossed it up into the crawl space." said Tom with a flair for the dramatic. (Gary Hallock) "I wish I would have used architectural shingles instead of cedar shake." Tom moaned ruefully. (Tiff Wimberly) "Global warning is escalating!" Tom said heatedly. (PANews) "We were delayed in shipping the fuel for the Moon Landings again," Tom related apologetically. (Stan Kegel) "Henry the Eighth weighed over 300 pounds!" Tom stated unthinkingly. (Stan Kegel) "Donald Duck lost his girl," Tom said lackadaisically. (PANews) "Enough of your fairy tales," Tom said grimly. (PANews) “I’m can’t help thinking about about the number of students not attending class,” Tom professed absentmindedly. (Stan Kegel) “I composed a lot of poetry while in prison,” Tom said conversely. (PANews) "Since I stopped smoking, I gained thirty pounds," said Tom wastefully. (Stan Kegel) -<>- [t][v][p][1] _.-`''`-._ ,` `. __________________________ | ,._-'''-. | | Ogladalnosc Serialu | | |,-. ,-.| | | "Plebania" wynosi 0,03% | |/' `-| < i nadal zajebiscie rosnie!| \ (_) / `--------------------------' \ ____ / \ `--` / _.--`/'|`-..-'|\''''`-. ,-' / |`._,' / \ \ | / \,/``\/ \ | \ | | '> |\,/| <' ,' \ | `/^)\ |/`\| / / \ / / / \ | | / | \ / / ,``, \ \ / / | \ ' | | \ \ / / |\_ \ / ,| _.' \ | | |__...-'` | \ / / `. | |````` | \ | / ,`') | |\ | | ,` ,/\ | _,:''`, | ---\,,.-'`---------| _/ ,` , \ ,'--gan---------- |_.------''/ /; ,` |/ `' ```''' >BLOOPERS, SIGNS AND HEADLINES : The emcee on "The Newlywed Game" asked the husbands what size bed they had in the bridal suite on their honeymoon. One of the new grooms confidently blurted out, "A double bed and I know I'm right because we were so used to a king-size bed" which made the bride hide her face during the rest of the program. (Kermit Schafer) ONLY RAIN WILL CURE DROUGHT (Richard Lederer) Newspaper story: The sewer expansion project is nearing completion but city officials are holding their breath until it is officially finished. (JoLene) STUDENTS AT COLLEGES GROW OLDER (Richard Lederer) SPORTSCASTER: The half-back takes a pitchout and is immediately hit behind the line of scrimmage by a crunching, vicious tackle. It's a fumble and there are a couple of loose balls on the field. (Kermit Schafer) NEWSCASTER: It is the opinion of many observers, that in handling the situation, the President hit the bull's eye on the nose. (Kermit Schafer) EXTINCT ANIMALS MAY LOSE PROTECTION (Richard Lederer) Station break: "We will return to the third half of the Virginian in a moment." (Kermit Schafer) CHILDBIRTH IS BIG STEP TO PARENTHOOD (Richard Lederer) A BBC radio announcer apparently had too much holiday spirit, with the following result : "We now hear Deck Your Balls With Halls of Helly . .. Deck Your Bells With Balls of Holly . . . er . . . a Christmas selection." (Kermit Schafer) STUDY FINDS SEX, PREGNANCY LINK (Richard Lederer) -<>- >Two Little Kids Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze." The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A Circumcision." And the second kid says, "Whoa, Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year." -<>- ____ _ /////|\\ ``````\\\ `/` ))) \`, ((( `--- ,\\\ ,---/ )),))) / , `(( ((( `--. ) `__)) ________ | | ,-./\ \ _,-' \ \__,-. \ \,-' /`.__,-'_,-\ `-. / \____`--'____________ | \ Starshine >GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. -<>- _____ / \ / ````` \ /|`o o'|\ /|| . ||\ |*\\ _ //*| |*/ \ / \*| // / \ \\ /(__/\___/\__)\ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |\ /| | / // \| | >GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the joy. -<>- ..,;;;;,. .:((()()())):. :(()"'"'""'()): .:()"<*>.<*>"():. :())) ._. (((): (())\ -=- /(()) ___________ .'(()) - (())('. | | / ))\ /(( \ | My # is | ______/ /( \_/ ) \ \______/ unlisted | ________( : )_________| okay? | \____._._____/ |__________| )===[]===( / \ Tim Campbell >GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. -<>- __. /-7 k .-' o.-'/ / .; \ ( [ ) \ [.---. ;/ \ ) \ (/ ) | AsH / \ ( [_' \_~ >THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. -<>- _____________ __________ /\ \_____ _ (\ -=- \ |; _____|_| `\ --=-= \ \/____________/ \ -==--=- \ __ ) -==-==- ) jgs \/ ( =-==-= ( \ -=- \ /_) -=- ) `""""""""""` >Even God Enjoys A Good Laugh There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone "brother." 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Fathers business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God's only Son. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with his hands. 2. He had wine with every meal. 3. He used olive oil. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: 1. He never cut his hair. 2. He walked around barefoot all the time. 3. He started a new religion. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1. He never got married. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman: 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food. 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. 3. And even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work to do. Amen!!! -<>- ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc >Office Culture The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he'd heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike. When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the boss said, "What's the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?" "My sense of humor is fine," he said. "But I don't have to laugh. I'm quitting tomorrow." ============================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Why We Love Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whydog.html Strange Hotels! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hotel.html Rollin On The River! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/river.html Peek-A-Boo Panda! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/panda.html Men will Be Boys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html Jellyfish Lake! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jellyfish.html Baby Thoughts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babythoughts.html Albino Hummingbird! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahummingbird.html -<>- >From Our Friend KarenF :) Ever wonder whatever happened to RAY STEVENS, who used to do those novelty records in the 60s and 70s? COME TO THE USA YouTube - Ray Stevens - Come to the USA --- ...don't remember those - luv this! Thanks KarenF! A Prediction From 47 Years Ago by Paul Harvey Interesting - Listen to the whole thing http://youtu.be/H3Az0okaHig --- ...Amazing - sounds so much like - Today. Thanks KarenF! -<>- >From our Friend Linda :) She sent us one we have here... Sweets For The Sweet! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sugar.html So cute! How they produced this is beyond me......so creative! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=341rybZ42vA --- ...BIG SMILES Here! So darling! Thanks Linda! Just goes to show ya - ya can't believe everything you see! This video is about a song called "Angel Flight." This airplane brings our fallen military home. Listen to the words of the pilot and the tower, and make sure you sit quietly and listen to the very end. You will understand why one of the singers said he would be glad to help with the song... if he could stop crying. Angel Flight http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=70Ikj1hZDnw&feature=related --- ...A sweet One! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE! He sent us one we have here...turn up your sound... Dogs As Best Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestfriend.html --- ...Aww, such a sweet reminder! Thanks PatDeE! Try this, it is cool and fun. You won’t believe what happens after you draw a stickman! I wish I knew how this works!!! http://www.drawastickman.com/ --- ...LOL! Oh Boy - do I ever draw bad! Fun! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From our Friend Wesley :) ripped : study champs for kids http://goo.gl/ir1iO --- ...Good resource! Thanks Wesley! ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Confusion is always the most honest response." - Marty Indik "Humor is just another defense against the universe." - Mel Brooks "Humor is also a way of saying something serious." - T. S. Eliot "I announced to my wife I was going to the supermarket with her the next time she went because the stuff she kept bringing home was not fully in the spirit of American junk food. While she was off squeezing melons, I made for the junk food section. The breakfast cereals alone could have occupied me for most of the afternoon. There must have been two hundred types. The most immediately arresting was a cereal called Cookie Crisp, which tried to pretend it was a nutritious breakfast but was really just chocolate chip cookies that you put in a bowl and ate with milk. Brilliant." --Bill Bryson in "I'm a Stranger Here Myself." "I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose." --Rita Rudner "This week we're coming to you from Las Vegas. I went to "New York, New York" last night. That place is nice. I don't care much for the casino across the street. "Cleve- land, Cleveland". --Jay Leno "I'm afraid I was very much the traditionalist. I went down on one knee and dictated a proposal which my secretary faxed over straight away." --Stephen Fry "She thinks that tactics are a new kind of breath mint." --Billy Connolly "Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry." --Bill Cosby >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************