Seniors, Trump And Hillary... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first hot new page is from our friend LouiseA. This artist is so intriguing you'll take a double take at his bizarre artwork. Be sure to check this out here... __ /\ `. 2^)_| \`/(_ )/,`. __(( \/ /.--|_.L\\_ \, \ \= / ,/L 7 (\ \...,_ | | \____| ) ]_| `\) /_) SK `" Craig Alan's People Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/peopleart.html --- ...Quite amazing detail! Thanks LouiseA! Our next sizzling new page is from our friends Linda and LouiseA. These women make this sport look easy! Just the thought makes me cringe! Check this out and be sure to view the video too! Her talent will amaze you! Wow! Won't catch me doing that! o o //@@ o @@ ") @@@ - @ _____ / \ / \ |\____\ / ( X ) | | | | <___=\ | | | \======\ \|_"_| (____ Fearless Women! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fearlesswomen.html --- ...Not something I'd want to ever do! Too high! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ), .(>o<). / ~~~~~ \ ) '*_*' ( (( ._. )) '.._..' ScS _,.'___'.,_ /.:.:.:.:.:.\ After Laura was pulled over for speeding, she told her four-year-old daughter Olivia, "That was not a good thing that Mommy did. I was going too fast, and that's why the policeman gave me a ticket" "What's the ticket mean?" Olivia asked. Laura replied, "It means I have to pay a lot of money as a punishment." The little girl then asked, "Why didn't he just spank you instead?" -<>- "What's your handicap these days?" one golfer asked his companion. "I'm a scratch golfer...I write down all my good scores and scratch out all the bad ones." -<>- A neighbor was watching a little boy playing with a ball and bat in his backyard. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," the boy exclaimed as he threw the ball into the air. He swung with all his might but missed the ball and fell down himself. "Strike One," he says as he gets up. He throws it up again and swings. Again the ball falls to the ground with a thud. "Strike Two," he yells still undeterred. "I'm the greatest," he says as he swings once again hitting only air as the ball falls to the ground. This time he dances around the backyard as he yells, "Strike Three... I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!" -<>- There was the accountant who told his client, "There's good news, and there's bad news." "Give me the bad news first," the client said nervously. "The bad news is that your business is flat on its back." The businessperson asked hopefully, "And what's the good news?" "It's looking up." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 8 is Boy Scout Day, Chinese New Years and Kite Flying Day February 9 is Mardi Gras and Toothache Day February 10 is Ash Wednesday and Umbrella Day February 11 is Make a Friend, National Inventors and White T-Shirt Day February 12 is Abraham Lincoln's Birthday and Plum Pudding Day February 13 is Get a Different Name Day February 14 is Ferris Wheel, National Organ Donor and Valentine's Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ,.V /---\ (|+_+|) ()\-/() ScS /()\_/()\ /.(':::').\ \\ )===( // \/ \/ >Forced Landing A flight instructor was sent out to help a trainee who had radioed that he was about to make a forced landing a few miles from the base. The instructor spotted the plane standing in a field small enough to present a real challenge to his professional reputation. With determination, full flaps and engine just above the stall, he maneuvered into the field. Climbing out, he shouted angrily to the trainee, "Just how did you manage to get into such a small field?" "I landed in the big field over there," the trainee pointed, "but in order to leave room for you, I had the farmer tow me here." -<>- >Hurley One day, I was heading out the front door with my eight-month-old daughter. Our golden retriever, Hurley, bolted in front of us and took off down the driveway. Since "Come!" is the command he's least likely to obey, I wasn't looking forward to going after him with baby in tow. As he approached the end of the driveway, I decided to try a different (STRONG) approach and blurted out, "Wait! You need your leash!" Without hesitation, Hurley stopped in his tracks, turned around and came back into the house. -<>- >Irritating Employee Dave irritated everyone in our office. Whether it was the tone of his voice or his condescending attitude, we all steered clear. He must have suspected he was annoying because he asked a co-worker, "Why does everybody take an instant dislike to me?" The co-worker responded, "It saves time." -<>- >The Rabbi Returns I returned to my parent's home to attend a funeral. At the temple, my mother led me to a man who looked vaguely familiar. "Barbara, remember Rabbi Green?" she asked as she left me in his company. I frantically tried to place him, and suddenly it came to me. He was the kind man who, five years earlier, had officiated at my grandmother's funeral. "It's good to see you again, Rabbi," I said, "though I wish it weren't always under such tragic circumstances." The rabbi looked perplexed but uttered some words of consolation before he was called away. A few minutes later, I rejoined my mother. "Imagine," she whispered, "after all this time, to run into the rabbi who performed your wedding!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) >SMILES _______________________ \_____________________/ \ __O__ / \ =(_)= / + + _\ ___________ /_ . . . . . . + ( \\/ ___ ___.\// ) +.. .. .+ .. .. : \ (o)) ((o) / ... .. . . .. : .. .:. . (_) / \ (_) ..+.. + ...+ . .+ . ++. . \:. (_ _) .:/ + + :.. + : . __... . + )::::\_/::::( :. __ . . _( \ __ . (:::\_|_|_/:::) __ / )_ ( \ ( \ __ \:::\_|_/:::/ __ / ) / ) \ \ \ \ / ) \:::::::::/ ( \ / / / / ( \ \ \ \__/ / |\:::::/| \ \__/ / / //) \ \_ \_ \_ / ____| |___| |____ \ _/ _/ _/ / \ /_/ || |___| || \_\ / \ /\ || (_____) || /\ / \________/ \\ ||___________|| // \________/ ______________\\_______// |___________| \\______//__________ \______/_: :_\______/ How do you know if an Asian man is robbing your house? Your homework's done, your computer's upgraded, and 3 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway. -------- A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse. "Did you drink warm water an hour before breakfast each day?" "No," replied the man, "All I could do was about 15 minutes!" -------- A woman went to the doctors office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was *pregnant*?" The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. "Cured her hiccups though, didn't I?" -------- Last summer my wife and I met a couple who were friends of my wife at a restaurant. After lunch, the women decided to go shopping, and I invited the man to go sailing. While we were out on the water, a storm blew up. The tide had gone out, and we were down wind trying to work our way back through a narrow channel. At one point the boat grounded and we had to climb overboard and shove with all our might to get it back in deep water. As my new friend stood there, ankle deep in muck, the wind blowing his hair wildly, rain streaming down his face, he grinned at me, and with unmistakable sincerity said, "Sure beats shopping." -------- Newlywed bride to husband: "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart, breakfast will be ready." "Great! What are we having for breakfast?" "Toast and juice." -------- The restaurant had a sign: TODAY'S SPECIAL: VEGETABLE SOUP, FRIED CHICKEN AND GRILLED VEGETABLES That sounded good and I was hungry, so I went in and said, "I'll take the special." After the food arrived I called the waiter over. "This isn't the special. There are no vegetables in the vegetable soup, the chicken is baked not fried and the vegetables are roasted instead of grilled." "That, sir, is what makes it special!" -------- After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin. In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. "How 'bout that!" he exclaims, "Here's a picture of my Fadder." He bought the mirror, thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home, he remembered his wife didn't like his father. He hung it in the woodshed. Every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it. His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the woodshed. So one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly B he's been running around with..." ------- After a thorough investigation, a rich gangster finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of $10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court. When the mobster goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The godfather tells the lawyer 'Ask him where the $10 million bucks he embezzled from me is'. The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the money? The bookkeeper signs back: 'I don't know what you are talking about'. The attorney tells the gangster: 'He says he doesn't know what you're talking about'. The gangster pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, 'Ask him again!' The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: 'He'll kill you if you don't tell him!' The bookkeeper signs back: 'OK! OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens! The godfather asks the attorney: 'Well, what'd he say?' 'He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger.' -------- Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!" -------- The airplane's pilot came on the PA to make an announcement to the passengers: "This is your captain speaking. We have lost one engine and we will be 20 minutes late landing." A bit later: "This is your captain speaking again. We have lost another engine and we will be 40 minutes late landing." A bit later still - and in a somewhat agitated voice: "This is your captain speaking again. We have lost another engine and we will be an hour late landing." One passenger said to another passenger, "I hope we don't lose the last engine or we'll be up here all night." --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend Melinda :) Zika Virus Available for purchase It's true that Zika virus can be purchased over the internet by any biosafety level-2 laboratory. We've identified two sources that sell it. While sales are supposed to be offered for research purposes, today we ask the commonsense question: Could bioterrorists also purchase Zika virus online and use it as a weapon? Even more urgently, has that already happened? http://tinyurl.com/glrb4y5 John Wayne on liberals http://tinyurl.com/ht8zwgt Ted Cruz Salvation Story http://tinyurl.com/z5ajmcv --- ...Interesting! Thanks Melinda! -<>- >From BizarreNews: Police in Illinois were able to identify the suspect in a photo booth theft after the machine was activated during the robbery. The booth at Funway Amusements captured photos of the suspect who pried open the machine's cash drawer and stole $75 in cash and caused $75 worth of damage, according to Batavia police department. When the man attempted to open the photo booth's cash drawer the machine automatically began to take photos. "The machine is designed to take photographs when it senses tampering to the cash drawer," Batavia police said. "The report was delayed until the owner could get a repairman to pull the offenders images from the machine." -<>- Would you let yourself get shot for a hundred thousand? A motorcyclist in Minnesota wasn't given a choice, but I bet you he isn't going to hesitate to collect. Last year Police Sgt. Lonnie Soppeland was pursuing Matthew Hovland-Knase who was speeding on his motorcycle. After Hovland-Knase pulled over, dash-cam video recorded from the scene shows Soppeland getting out of his cruiser and yelling at the man to "get your hands where I can see them." Pretty typical so far. Sgt. Soppeland might have been a little aggressive, but Hovland-Knase was doing over a hundred. After that moment was when things deviated from the norm a bit. Because as Soppeland got out of his cruiser and began barking his command, he also drew his service weapon. In between the words 'hands' and 'see them' a shot rings out and Hovland- Knase is shot. Soppeland can be heard cursing, "S! F! F!" while the motorcyclist starts screaming, "What the f, man? You actually shot me, didn't you?" You can find the video of it easily enough on the Internet. Hovland-Knase's back is to the officer and he is making no threatening motions or actions whatsoever. Soppeland did manage to say, while administering first aid, "I'm not going to say anything right now, but you know, it was not intentional." He later said that the discharge was the result of muscle memory from practicing on the shooting range. So Hovland-Knase was taken to the hospital and charged with fleeing an officer. After an investigation Soppeland was taken off suspension and placed back on regular duty. The only question that remains is, how much is Matthew Hovland-Knase going to get paid. I'm guessing in the neighborhood of a hundred thousand. --- ...first time I've heard the 'muscle memory' defense! *-- Out of Control Car Lands on Roof of California Home --* PALOS VERDES, Calif. - A California driver's car landed on a roof after spinning out of control near a residential area in Palos Verdes. Los Angeles County Fire reported to the scene shortly after the incident occurred at 4 p.m. and shared photos of the vehicle on the roof. Firefighters say the driver suffered from a medical condition that caused him to lose control of the car, hitting two parked vehicles before landing on the roof of the two-story home. Only the driver was believed to be injured in the crash. A woman was home when the accident occurred, but did not sustain any injuries and was not aware of the car's presence until she was shown by a neighbor. "You can't believe how dumb it is," she said. "Awful!" The woman's home sits below the busy Palos Verders Drive and a neighbor said cars have crashed into homes in the area before. *-- The Ol' Hiding Drugs in Your Hollow Leg Ploy --* QUEENSBURY, N.Y. - Authorities say a 40-year-old man has been caught trying to smuggle prescription drugs into an upstate New York jail in his prosthetic leg after being arrested for assaulting his girlfriend. Terrance Seymour was charged last week after his girlfriend said he beat her with the stock of a rifle and held her against her will for nearly 12 hours inside the home they share in the town of Horicon. Officials say corrections officers at the county jail discovered doses of the prescription drug Suboxone hidden inside a hollow in his prosthesis during a search. Seymour, who lost a leg in a childhood accident, was charged with assault and promoting prison contraband. *-- Fist Fly as Flight Attendants Have Fist Fight --* A Delta Air Lines flight from Los Angeles to Minneapolis was diverted to Salt Lake City, Utah as a result of the fist fight among the female flight attendants. Passengers aboard the plane said that they witnessed three cabin crew members engaging in a fist fight. They were expelled due to bad behavior. The fight broke out after two flight attendants disagreed about their work responsibilities and the argument turned violent. A third flight attendant tried to calm them down, but was hit by flying fists. The fight was reported to the captain of the plane, and he decided to make an emergency landing and expel the flight attendants. Passengers went with- out peanuts for the rest of the flight. *-- Ex Baseball Player Charged In Bizarre Break-In --* PITTSBURGH - Sometimes it's hard to let go of childhood. And that might be particularly true for people who play baseball for a living (or used to, at least). Take former professional baseball player Cory McGinnis. The 26-year- old was allegedly found by police asleep in a South Side business he had broken into. The company had had a pizza party and McGinnis found the leftovers in the company fridge. Police found a trail of pizza leading to the backroom where McGinnis had built a pillow-fort with every chair and sofa cushion he could find in the place. When he was found he was sound asleep with pizza sauce on his shirt. Aside from the pizza, he is not accused of stealing anything, but he was charged with breaking and entering. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend GloriaB :) ,., (""") q+_+p __\=/__ ScS /||___||\ / ||_|_|| \ | | | | | [Politics] >My kind of Customer Service "GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, a Christian based nation, land of the free and home of the brave. How may I help you?" Press '1' for English. Press '2' to disconnect until you learn to speak English And remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ And the American Soldier. One died for your soul, The other for your freedom. PASS THIS ON 2016 IS HERE! A Nation of Sheep Breeds a Government of Wolves I'M 100% for PASSING THIS ON! Let’s Take a stand! Borders: Closed. Language: English only. Culture: Constitution and the Bill of Rights! Drug Free: Make a drug screen mandatory for anyone on welfare and/or food stamps! NO freebies to Non-Citizens! We the People are coming! Only 86% will send this on. “Should be a 100%”. What will you do? --- ...So True! Thanks GloriaB! -<>- .+++++. | ~~~~~ | ) '*_*' ( ( ._. ) '.._..' ScS _,/\ /\,_ / ':' \ Many of us 'Oldish Folks' (over 55) are quite confused today about how we should present ourselves. Feeling 'young', we try to conform to current fashions and present a youthful image. Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets or at Walmart the following combinations DO NOT go together and should always be avoided: 1. A nose ring and bifocals 2. Spiked hair and bald spots 3. A pierced tongue and dentures 4. Miniskirts and support hose 5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads 6. Speedo's and cellulite 7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar 8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor 9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge 10. Bikinis and liver spots 11. Mini-skirts and varicose veins And, Most importantly at some point you have to give up the 'DAISY DUKE' shorts! --- ...LOL! Thanks GloriaB! ===================================================== >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) ,..., |. .| q - p |\'/| ScS .-''---''-. / , , \ /\/\ Y /\/\ \ \ | ~ ~ | / / A big mouth college student challenged a senior citizen he was sitting next to on a bus. He claimed it was impossible for the older generation to understand his world. “You grew up in a different world,” the student said. “Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers, the internet!” Taking advantage of a pause in the student’s litany, the senior said, “You’re right sonny. We didn’t have those things when we were young... so we invented them!” -<>- >We Are Members The typical U.S. household headed by a person age 65 or older has a net worth 47 times greater than a household headed by someone under 35, according to an analysis of census data released. They like to refer to us as senior citizens, old fogies, geezers, and in some cases dinosaurs. Some of us are "Baby Boomers" getting ready to retire. Others have been retired for some time. We walk a little slower these days and our eyes and hearing are not what they once were. We worked hard, raised our children, worshiped our God and grown old together. Yes, we are the ones some refer to as being over the hill, and that is probably true. But before writing us off completely, there are a few things that need to be taken into consideration. In school we studied English, history, math, and science which enabled us to lead America into the technological age. Most of us remember what outhouses were, many of us with firsthand experience. We remember the days of telephone party-lines, 25 cent gasoline, and milk and ice being delivered to our homes. For those of you who don't know what an icebox is, today they are electric and referred to as refrigerators. A few even remember when cars were started with a crank. Yes, we lived those days. We are probably considered old fashioned and outdated by many. But there are a few things you need to remember before completely writing us off. We won World War II, fought in Korea and Viet Nam. We can quote The Pledge of Allegiance, and know where to place our hand while doing so. We wore the uniform of our country with pride and lost many friends on the battlefield. We didn't fight for the Socialist States of America; we fought for the "Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave." We wore different uniforms but carried the same flag. We know the words to the Star Spangled Banner, America, and America the Beautiful by heart, and you may even see some tears running down our cheeks as we sing. We have lived what many of you have only read in history books and we feel no obligation to apologize to anyone for America. Yes, we are old and slow these days but rest assured, we have at least one good fight left in us. We have loved this country, fought for it, and died for it, and now we are going to save it. It is our country and nobody is going to take it away from us. We took oaths to defend America against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and that is an oath we plan to keep. There are those who want to destroy this land we love but, like our founders, there is no way we are going to remain silent. It was mostly the young people of this nation who elected Obama and the Democratic Congress. You fell for the "Hope and Change" which In reality was nothing but "Hype and Lies." You youngsters have tasted socialism and seen evil face to face, and have found you don't like it after all. You make a lot of noise, but most are all too interested in their careers or "Climbing the Social Ladder" to be involved in such mundane things as patriotism and voting. Many of those who fell for the "Great Lie" in 2008 are now having buyer's remorse. With all the education we gave you, you didn't have sense enough to see through the lies and instead drank the 'Kool-Aid.' Now you're paying the price and complaining about it. No jobs, lost mortgages, higher taxes, and less freedom. This is what you voted for and this is what you got. We entrusted you with the Torch of Liberty and you traded it for a paycheck and a fancy house. Well, don't worry youngsters, the Grey-Haired Brigade is here, and in 2016 we are going to take back our nation. We may drive a little slower than you would like but we get where we're going, and in 2016 we're going to the polls by the millions. This land does not belong to the man in the White House nor to the likes of Bernie, Hillary, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, or Eric Holder. It belongs to "We the People" and "We the People" plan to reclaim our land and our freedom. We hope this time you will do a better job of preserving it and passing it along to our grandchildren. So the next time you have the chance to say the Pledge of Allegiance, Stand up, put your hand over your heart, honor our country, and thank God for the old geezers of the "Gray-Haired Brigade." * Footnote: This is spot on. I am another Gray-Haired Geezer signing on. I will circulate this to other Gray-Haired Geezers all over this once great county. * Can you feel the ground shaking??? It's not an earthquake, it is a STAMPEDE. You and I are Members! Don't Delete, Just Read and Pass on! --- ...Thanks Geniann! We who know about socialism, know all to well it does not work! Has never worked and will never work - eventually you run out of other people's money and every one suffers tremendously from it! =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) ,.,., ,'\|/', /||"""||\ /|/:+_+:|\| ScS |/|/\-/\\|\ /./-|\_/|-.\\ /|/ |===| \|\ |/=/\|===|/\=\| \ \ |"""| / / >Good news for older folks *I am a Seenager -- a Senior teenager.* *I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.* *I don't have to go to school or work.* *I get an allowance every month.* *I have my own pad.* *I don't have a curfew.* *I have a driver's license and my own car.* *The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything -- they have been blessed to live this long, so why be scared.* *And I don't have acne.* Life is good! Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this. Brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear. Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full, so too, do humans take longer to access information when their brains are full. Researchers say this slowing down process is not the same as cognitive decline. "The human brain works slower in old age", said Dr. Michael Ramscar, "but only because we have stored more information over time. The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more." Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise. SO THERE!! (Author Unknown) --- ...LOL! That explains it! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- [Politics] _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; >Trump And Hillary Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar and grab a booth. Donald leans over, and with a smile on his face, says: “The media is really tearing you apart for that scandal.” Hillary: “You mean the Mexican gun running?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “You mean SEAL Team 6?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “You mean the State Dept. lying about Benghazi?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “You mean voter fraud?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “You mean the military not getting their votes counted?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “You mean the drones in our own country spying on citizens without the benefit of the law?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million right before it declared bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “You mean Obama arming the Muslim Brotherhood?” Trump: “No the other one:” Hillary: “The IRS targeting conservatives?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “The DOJ spying on the press?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “Sebelius shaking down health insurance executives?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “Giving SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and 3 months later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “The NSA monitoring citizens’ phone calls, emails and everything else?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “Obama’s ordering the release of nearly 10,000 illegal immigrants from jails and prisons, and falsely blaming the sequester?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “Obama’s threat to impose gun control by Executive Order in order to bypass Congress?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “Obama’s repeated violation of the law requiring me to submit a budget no later than the first Monday in February?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “The 2012 vote where 115% of all registered voters in some counties voted 100% for Obama?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “Obama’s unconstitutional recess appointments in an attempt to circumvent the Senate’s advise-and-consent role?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “The State Department interfering with an Inspector General investigation on departmental s misconduct?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “Me, The IRS, Clapper, and Holder all lying to Congress?” Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: "You mean putting the country at risk by using an unsecured private server for all my emails when I was Secretary of State?" Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: "You mean supporting Planned Parenthood with taxpayer funding for abortions while they sell aborted baby body parts?" Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “I give up! — Oh wait, I think I got it! You mean that 65 million low-information voters who don’t pay taxes and get free stuff from taxpayers and stuck middle class tax-paying citizens again with the most pandering, corrupt administration in American history?” Trump: “THAT’S THE ONE!” --- ...LOL! STILL Funny! Thanks PatDeE! =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: _________________________ __ / ,------++---. .-------.`. / / // | || |.`. __ / / // | || | `.`. __ | '------++------' |`-------+--[)| `---..___ __ !] _ | | ______"""-. _!]__________ |_| | | ,,----.\___|_ |___ /',--. \\ |_____________| // ,--.\\____| \_-/'| |! \----------------------'| | |!|_/ \ `--' /!'----------------------' \ `--' / `'---' `'---' Jaap Peters After shopping for weeks, I finally found the car of my dreams. It was only two years old and in beautiful condition. The salesman asked if I would like to take it for a test drive. We had traveled no more than two miles when the car broke down. The salesman called for a tow truck. When it arrived, we climbed into the front seat. While the driver was hooking up the car, the salesman turned to me with a smile and said, "Well, now, what is it going to take to put you behind the wheel of that beauty today?" -<>- To prepare for my daughter's First Communion, I called the church in the town where we used to live to get a copy of her baptismal certificate. We lived there for only a short while, so I didn't know the clergy well. When the secretary asked me the name of the father, I told her that I couldn't remember. After a brief silence, she said, "Ma'am, I'm talking about the name of the baby's father." -<>- Pauly walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Pauly, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, eh?" Pauly says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and says, "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!" Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?" -<>- As Reynoldo lit the votive candle at the grotto for San Jose de los Platanos and prayed for the healthy delivery of his first child, he heard a disembodied voice say, "Your daughter will be 17 inches long," to which Reynoldo replied, "Do you know the weight too, San Jose?" -<>- A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas were down to their last two dollars. The groom told the bride that he had a feeling that he could turn the two bucks into a fortune if he went down to the casino alone. Once in the casino, he put one dollar each into two slot machines and won Jackpots on both totaling $10,000. He then played blackjack for an hour until he had $50,000 in chips. Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000. He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that his luck hadn't run out. So he took all his money and placed it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his money. But the ball came up Red. He returned to his hotel room. "How did you do?" asked the bride. The groom shrugged and said, "I lost two dollars." -<>- A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray. "And what will your third wish be?" The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?" "You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left." "Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads." "Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!" -<>- On my 40th birthday I waltzed out of my bedroom dressed in an old outfit I dug out of the back of the closet. "I wore this on my 30th birthday! I guess that means my wardrobe is ten years old," I said to my husband, hoping he'd take the hint and buy me some clothes as a present. "Or," he offered instead, "it means when you were 30 you had the body of a 40-year-old." -<>- Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog Skipper had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?" ========================================================= >-->From TheMouthPiece: _________ _.--""'-----, `"--.._ .-'' _/_ ; .'"----,`-, .' :___: ; : ;;`.`. . _.- _.- .' : :: `.. __;..----------------' :: ___ :: ;; .--"". ' ___.....`:=(___)-' :--'`. .' .' .--''__ : ==: ; .--/ / .'.'' ``-, : : '`-. ."', : / .'-`\\ .--.\ : : , _\ ; ; | ; /:' ;; /__ \\; : : /_\\ |\_/ | | / \__// /"--\\ \: : : ;|`\| : " /\__/\____// """ / \\ : : : :|'|| ["""""""""--------........._ / || ; __.:--' :|//| "------....______ ].'| // |--"""'__...-'`\ \// `| WVE230L |__;_...--'": : \ // |---""" \__\_/ """""""""' \ \ \_.// / `---' \ \_ _' `--`---' dp >What your car says about you (STEREOTYPICAL) *Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars *Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires *Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states *Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman *Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the mess out of people *Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette' *Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis *Chevrolet Cavalier - Absolute LEGEND! *Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government *Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower *Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car *Ford Explorer - I will not be caught dead in a mini van *Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones *Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them *Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit *Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending. *Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year. *Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers *Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole *Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler *Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either *Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena *Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock *Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns *Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now *Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Who Is WE?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoiswe.html Disney Wisdom!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneywisdom.html Fun Science Ads!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/science.html Kilroy Was Here!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kilroywashere.html Statue Of Liberty!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/statueofliberty.html Boys To President!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boystopres.html New York At Night!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyork.html Willis (Sears) Tower!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/willist.html Limos In US History!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/limos.html Rules For US Civilian!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rules.html Niagara Falls In Neon!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/niagaraneon.html Earth In Perspective!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/earth.html Celebrity Caricatures!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/caricatures.html US Presidents And The Queen!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/queenofengland.html -<>- >From The Mouth: STRESS RELIEF AQUARIUM 2.22 Execute your sadistic aggressions on a poor little puddle puppy through several different cruelty levels, from plainly annoying to go-for-broke. Like it or not, it's an Internet classic by animator T-Bone at his Boneland home. http://www.boneland.com/fish/fish-v2/index.html -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Military Sayings -Too good not to pass on http://www.doyletics.com/tidbits/militaryadvice.pdf --- ...Sweet! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Melinda :) Meet Budweiser's littlest Clydesdales http://tinyurl.com/jq8xoqe --- ...Awesome! Thanks Melinda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Penguins are such fascinating creatures, and their charm is perfectly captured in this Nature Special made for PBS. Film makers planted tiny hidden cameras to record chicks hatching, and then show how proud Dads show off their newborns to their friends. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0u67Wk_hJ0&feature=player_embedded Gao and Liu's unique and beautiful acrobatic ballet routine impressed the judges and audience of Asia's Got Talent and received the Golden Buzzer from Melanie C. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Bn1ly_ApPd8 Some people are blessed with a voice so powerful and emotive that you can't help but stop in your tracks when you hear it. This spine- tingling rendition of 'You Raise Me Up' is performed by Martin Hurkens, who rose to fame in his native Netherlands when his wife and daughter signed him up for a national talent show without telling him. It's incredible to think that a talent like his laid undiscovered, but let's be grateful we can all now enjoy his beautiful voice. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=4RojlDwD07I We all know riding a bicycle is all about mastering balance, but twenty- one-year-old Nicole, featured in this video, turns cycling into a true art form. She has participated in several competitions, placing first in most of them, and has become a big star in her native Slovakia. Her cycling skills are incredibly impressive, and as you watch her twist and balance on the slim bicycle, her stunning, artistic routine is bound to leave you amazed! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3WnQ246f1g&feature=player_embedded --- ...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow this morning, which means one of two things. Either spring will come early this year or Punxsutawney Phil is a vampire." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study found that a growing number of parents regret the name they gave their baby. They actually have a name for those parents: 'celebrities.'" -Jimmy Fallon "New Barbies will come in a variety of body sizes including 'tall,' 'petite,' and 'curvy.' However, due to some con- troversy, the company has decided not to make 'Bootylicious Barbie.'" -Conan O'Brien "It's being reported that a woman took her 5-year-old son along on a bank robbery. Apparently, she told the teller, 'Give me all your money or I'm leaving my 5-year-old.'" -Conan O'Brien "The Iowa caucuses are an important part of our election process. There are a few key differences between a caucus and a primary election. First one is, no one knows what a caucus is or how it works." -Jimmy Kimmel "A law enforcement agency in Florida revealed that it paid 15 employees to get drunk to see if its breathalyzer tests worked. In related news, it looks like I'm gettin' a second job!" -Jimmy Fallon "The American Academy of Pediatrics has suggested that people under the age of 18 should be banned from tanning salons. Parents that take their kids to tanning salons should be banned from parenting." -Jimmy Fallon "Chase bank ATMs are getting a new feature that will allow customers to withdraw cash without using a card. The feature is called a 'crowbar.'" -Conan O'Brien "The advocacy group One Million Moms has called for a boycott of the new Fox show 'Lucifer' because they believe the series 'glorifies Satan,' and is complaining to the show's main sponsor, Olive Garden. Wait, Olive Garden sponsors Lucifer? I always assumed it was the other way around." -Seth Meyers "During a speech in Iowa this weekend, Bernie Sanders criticized the billionaire class and said they 'can't have it all.' Billionaires would have responded but they were busy this weekend literally having it all." -Jimmy Fallon "A resort in Mexico has opened the first underwater bar. Shortly afterwards it became host to the world's slowest bar fight ever." -Conan O'Brien "A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats. Finally a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************