Setting The Pace, Older Than Dirt And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com :) The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This super summer scorcher comes to us from our friends LouiseAu, Linda and Geniann. It is one for all you who like a little nostalgia in your day remembering back to a time in your youth that was perhaps more stress free and fun. Check this one out just for the Smiles Of It... ._,-,_. _ ________ _ ______ __ ||| ||| / \ |__ __| / \ | _ \ | | ||| ||| / . \ | | / . \ | |_) / | | ;|| ||: / /_\ \ | | / /_\ \ | ( | | ./ /| |\ \. / ___ \ | | / ___ \ | |\ \ | | |./ :_: \.| /__/ \__\ |__| /__/ \__\ |__| \__\ |__| Back In Time 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/backintime3.html --- ...Aww, lots of good memories here! Thanks Ladies! WATCH: President Trump’s message to West Point’s graduating cadets "You chose to devote your life to the defense of America.” “You have come from the farms and the cities, from states big and small, and from every race, religion, color, and creed. But when you entered these grounds, you became part of one team, one family, proudly serving one great American nation.” “The survival of America and the endurance of civilization itself depends on the men and women just like each of you. It depends on people who love their country with all their heart and energy and soul.” See this video on our newest page here... .---. ___ /_____\ /\.-`( '.' ) / / \_-_/_ \ `-.-"`'V'//-. `.__, |// , \ |Ll //Ll|\ \ |__// | \_\ /---|[]==| / / \__/ | \/\/ /_ | Ll_\| |`^"""^`| | | | | | | | | | | | | L___l___J jgs |_ | _| (___|___) ^^^ ^^^ Famous US Veterans 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/famousveterans4.html --- ...Awesome to see who have served! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: __. /-7 k .-' o.-'/ / .; \ ( [ ) \ [.---. ;/ \ ) \ (/ ) | AsH / \ ( [_' \_~ Max went into the doctor's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. Max told the Doc that his suit must have shrunk over the last year, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sitting in a closet. You probably put on a few pounds." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" asked Max. "That's when your chest starts sliding down into your drawers." -<>- ,_ ,' `\,_ |_,-'_) /##c '\ ( ' |' -{. ) /\__-' \[] /`-_`\ ' \ hjm >Words of Wisdom 1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 22 is National Chocolate Eclair Day, National Onion Ring Day and World Rain forest Day June 23 is International Widows Day, National Columnists Day and National Pink Day June 24 is International Fairy (or Faery) Day and Swim a Lap Day June 25 is Chinese Dragon Boat Festival, Log Cabin Day and National Catfish Day June 26 is Beautician's Day, Forgiveness Day, National Canoe Day and Take Your Dog to Work Day F June 27 is National Onion Day and Sun Glasses Day June 28 is Insurance Awareness Day, International Body Piercing Day and Paul Bunyan Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ( ,&&&. ) .,.&& ( ( \=__/ ) ,'-'. ( ( ,, _.__|/ /| ) /\ -((------((_|___/ | ( // | (`' (( `'--| _ -.;_/ \\--._ \\ \-._/. (_;-// | \ \-'.\ <_,\_\`--'| ( `.__ _ ___,') <_,-'__,' jrei `'(_ )_)(_)_)' >In the Old Days My daughter was six and excited about learning all the wonderful things about the world that first-graders learn. She turned to me one day and asked, "Mom, back in the old days when you were a kid, had they learned how to make the wheel yet?" I replied, "No, Sweetie, back then we were just grateful to have fire." -<>- >Spider A three-year-old boy threatened to drop a spider on his grandmother. She pleaded, "Don't. That would scare me to death." "That's okay," he said. "I have another grandma." -<>- >One-Year-Old Daughter A father held his one-year-old daughter in his lap. She was jabbering in baby talk as she flipped the pages of a picture book. Nearby, his five-year-old son said, "Daddy, make her read in English instead of Baby." -<>- >Revenge is Sweet I live in New Jersey and I'm used to having people cut me off on the highway. But this one time I was cut off by a convertible -- he missed my car by inches -- and the driver made an obscene gesture to boot. Still steamed, I noticed that we had gotten off at the same exit and the convertible's driver had pulled into an office complex parking lot. I pulled my car over and waited for the driver to leave the parking lot and enter the building. Then I entered the lot and pulled up next to the car. Well, as my luck would have it, I had just made a stop at the supermarket and had a loaf of bread that I was willing to donate to the cause. So I did. I tore up a few slices of bread and threw the pieces into the front and back seats of the open convertible. Then I drove out of the lot and pulled off across the street to watch. It didn't take long for the seagulls to start descending. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) .--..-""""-..--. ///`/////////\`\\\ ||/ |///""\\\| \|| ## ( 6. 6 ) ## /_\ \ _. / /_\ _`) (`_ /` '--' `\ >SMILES Out shopping, my friend Darin noticed a mother with three little girls and a baby. The woman's patience was wearing thin as all the girls called "Mama" while she tried to shop. Finally, Darin heard her say, "I don't want to hear the word MAMA for at least five minutes." A few seconds went by, then one girl tugged on her mom's skirt and said, "Excuse me, miss." ---------- Some people are extremely impressed when you tell them you're a US Navy SEAL. Case in point: My grandson's pre-K class on Career Day. I regaled them with stories of my exploits in the military. After I finished, hands shot up into the air all over the classroom. The kids were eager to ask questions. "So," asked one little girl, "can you balance a ball on the end of your nose?" ---------- I walked past a white kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and asked, "Any change?'" I responded, "Nope, you're still white." ---------- A blonde was reading the directions on the size of a box containing a pregnancy test. The clerk was wondering why she was interested in details. After all, either you're pregnant, or you're not. What is there to doubt? The clerk went up to her, and remarked, "Yes, Ma'am. Is there something I can help you with?" The customer looked at the clerk, and replied, "This is a home pregnancy test. Can you tell me if it will work if I use it at work?" ---------- "There you go, tracking mud all over the house. Didn't I tell you to wipe your feet before you came in!" "Oh, nobody's blaming you, Mom. You did all you could." ---------- A well off young man was moving from one house to another, a few streets away. Observing with dismay the care-free way in which the moving crew yanked his cherished antiques about, he was filled with a desire to save from possible damages a tall grandfather clock which he prized highly. Taking the clock in his arms he started for the new house. But the clock was as tall as its owner, and heavy besides, and he had to put it down every few feet and rest his arms and mop his streaming brow. Then he would clutch his burden and stagger on again. After half an hour of these strenuous exertions he was nearing his destination, when an intoxicated person who had been watching his labors from the opposite side of the road took advantage of a halt to hail him. "Mister," he said thickly, "could I ash you a question?" "What is it?" demanded the exhausted young man. "Why on earth don't you carry a watch?" ---------- _ __/") __ ________(___/__(_ \ \ \ (") _ ( \ ) ) ("/ _ / ) ( ( \") \.|\/|./ _________________\ /________________________________________VK_ Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. "No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to convince him further she noted, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby worm." "No, she isn't," said Johnny. "How do you know she's not?" said the mother. "Because I ate her first!" answered Little Johnny. ---------- A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out, "Aces!" ---------- One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy, stupid and cheap but have you ever heard me say a bad word about about him?" ---------- My father always loved fast cars. Taking advantage of the empty roads one morning, he accelerated down a wide-open stretch. Unfortunately, a young police officer was waiting at the other end, and Dad was flagged down. He greeted the officer with a cheery "Good morning." "And a good morning to you, Wing Commander," replied the officer. "Having trouble taking off??" ------- The neighbor dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room. "What's wrong, Marge?" she asked. Marge told her that she had "morning sickness". Surprised the neighbor said, "I didn't even know you were pregnant." "I'm not," the harried woman replied. "I'm just darn sick of mornings." ---------- Tech Support: "What does the screen say now.." Cindy: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support: "Well?" Cindy: "How do I know when it's ready?" ---------- Morris, a mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife Hanna; so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so he gave him a book on assertiveness, which Morris read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house. Morris stormed into the house and walked up to Hanna, his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that *I* am the man of this house and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my hot bath so I can relax. And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" "Moscowitz...the funeral director," said his wife. ---------- "I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy." "Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends. "I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had." ---------- A surgeon was invited to Thanksgiving dinner at a friend's house. The host deftly carved the turkey and said, "I'd make a pretty good surgeon, don't you think?" The surgeon replied: "Anybody can take it apart. Let's see you put it back together again." --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! That's what I think of the devil - he sure can destroy things real easy but only God can create something out of nothing! -<>- ___________________________________________________________________ _-\ \ \\ \ _VOL._3302 ___ _ _ _ _ _ ___ _ _ NO._415721__\ \\ : | |_||_ (_ | || || \|_)\ / | ||V||_(_ : :: :___________ | | ||_ _ _)|_||`||_/| \ | __ | || ||_ _) ____________| || | _ ___ | || | |_) _ _ | _ | _ _ _|_ _ _ | _ . _ | || | | |_|| |_)|(/_ | (/_| | | (_|(_ |(/_ |_\ | || | | _ | || | |V| _ _ _ _|_ _|_|_ _ \ / _ _ _ | || | | |(_|| | (_) | | | |(/_ | (/_(_|| | || | _______________________ | || | Tentacle Visits White House | ||||| ||||||| ||SSt| | || | | ||||`. ||||||| |||||| | || | ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ | ||||(O)||||||| |||||| | || | ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ | ||_| _`.||||| |||||| | |; : ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ |_|`-. (O)\'''''-._|||||| ' ; ; ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ |""'_| ,-.|------|%%%|__| . / ' ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ |___`-.`-'-'____________| ; `./__________________________________________________________________/ >Sixty-one years ago people said it will NEVER happen Look where we're today-hum! Amazing how much things have changed. Unfortunately some people don't see it or don't want to see it. Khrushchev's Message 61 years ago Khrushchev also said "We [Communism} will bury you!” A quick read but a lasting thought. Pretty scary now. Khrushchev's Message 61 years ago: THIS WAS HIS ENTIRE QUOTE: A sobering reminder. Almost exactly sixty-one years ago since Russia’s Khrushchev delivered his Do you remember September 29, 1959? THIS WAS HIS ENTIRE QUOTE: "Your children's children will live under communism, You Americans are so gullible. No, you won't accept communism outright; but we will keep feeding you small doses of socialism until you will finally wake up and find you already have Communism. We will not have to fight you; We will so weaken your economy, until you will fall like overripe fruit into our hands." "The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." Do you remember what Russia's Khrushchev said in 1959? Remember, socialism leads to Communism. So, how do you create a Socialistic State? There are 8 levels of control; read the following recipe: 1) Healthcare - Control healthcare and you control the people. 2) Poverty - Increase the poverty level as high as possible, poor people are easier to control and will not fight back if you are providing everything for them. 3) Debt - Increase the debt to an unsustainable level. That way you are able to increase taxes, and this will produce more poverty. 4) Gun Control - Remove the ability to defend themselves from the Government That way you are able to create a police state. 5) Welfare - Take control of every aspect (food, housing, income) of their lives because that will make them fully dependent on the government. 6) Education - Take control of what people read and listen to and take control of what children learn in school. 7) Religion - Remove the belief in God from the Government and schools because the people need to believe in ONLY the government knowing what is best for the people. 8) Class Warfare - Divide the people into the wealthy and the poor. Eliminate the middle class This will cause more discontent and it will be easier to tax the wealthy with the support of the poor. --- ...Wow! Eye opening! Thanks LouiseAu! I was able to vet this one! Yeah! The left sites like snopes.com said it was unproven, but I kept digging. First I found this article on Fox News from 2015: How Did Communism Become Cool? By Glenn Beck https://www.foxnews.com/story/how-did-communism-become-cool And from there I was able to find a video for the source of the full quote... President Ezra Taft Benson 1966 Warning on Socialism https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnbX5E2EiKo The trouble is that the left search engines make it really hard to find anything they do not promote. They want to destroy America and all capitalist countries from within - just call it socialism. ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: ____ /^\ / -- ) / | \ (____/ / | | \ / / /_|_|_|_/ / | / / __ __ __ | / /__ __ __ [ ]__[ ]__[ ]. / /[ ]__[ ]__[ ] |__ ____/ /___ __| | / .------ ) | | / / / | | / / / | ~~~~~~~~~~~~-----------~~~~~~~~ldb~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Summer officially started this weekend! And with summer comes hot, sweaty weather and the bug bites and rashes that come with it. But you can beat warm weather health hassles with a few natural, convenient and inexpensive remedies you likely already have at home. Deter mosquitoes with clove oil If you feel like a mosquito magnet take heart. There is a quick fix that works nearly as well as many DEET containing repellents. Simply mix 2 drops of clove essential oil into 2 tsp. of your favorite unscented lotion and apply to bite- prone areas like ankles. The warm, sweet scent repels mosquitoes. In fact, researchers say the aroma will keep them away for hours. Or plant catnip Make your yard a mosquito-free zone by planting catnip in your garden. A member of the mint family, catnip contains an oil called nepetalactone that repels 50 percent more mosquitoes than DEET! -<>- Prevent poison ivy rash with dish soap If you accidentally grab a poison ivy shoot while weeding your garden you don't have to suffer through an episode of itching and irritation. Thoroughly washing the exposed area of skin with Dawn, Joy or Palmolive dish soap cuts your risk of developing a rash by 60 percent. The degreasing compounds in the liquid bread down the plant's rash- producing oils so it rinses clean from your skin. Or apply a vinegar compress Pressing an apple cider vinegar-soaked cloth to your skin for 2 minutes also breaks down the itch-inducing oils. -<>- Soothe itchy feet with a black tea soak Soaking your feet in black tea can eliminate itchy athlete's foot in just days. The tea's tannic acid kills infection- causing fungi. Steep six tea bags in a quart of hot water. When cool. pour into a basin and soak feet for 30 minutes. Treat 6 or 7 days as needed. -<>- . : . . : | : . . | | | , \ | | / . ,-'"""`-. . "- / __ __ \ -" |==| I |==| - --- | _`--^--'_ | --- - |'`. ,'`| _- \ "---" / -_ . `-.___,-' . / | | \ .' | | | `. : | : . : . Have you pulled your summer outdoor furniture out of storage yet? A few simple tips and tricks will take your backyard furniture from winter-weary to ready-to-lounge with a minimum of cost and effort! Revive wood and wicker with coconut oil After a long winter wood and wicker furniture can look dried out. The solution? Sprinkle some coconut oil on a clean cloth and rub it onto furniture. Let it sit for 15 minutes the give it a quick buff. The oil moisturizes while its antibacterial properties help clean and deodorize. Renew your umbrella with tree oil Even a mildew-resistant patio umbrella can succumb to mustiness. To spruce it up mix 1 gallon of water, 1 cup of white vinegar and 20 drops of tea tree oil, and spritz the umbrella liberally with the solution. The vinegar and tea tree oil attack the mold and mildew that build up in the umbrella's folds. After a few minutes rinse with your garden hose and let dry. Remove rust buildup with a cream of tartar paste If your metal table and chairs are starting to look a little rusty, the fix is probably already in your pantry. Just make a paste from equal parts cream of tartar and lemon juice. This combination creates a chemical reaction that breaks down rust. Simply apply and let sit for a few minutes. Then wipe off. Brighten plastic furniture with baking soda and toothpaste. Good, old-fashioned toothpaste works magic on plastic furniture. Look for a paste that includes baking soda which makes it mildly abrasive. That's what helps it gently scrub away dirt and grime without damaging the surface. Just use a clean rag and buff it into your furniture. Rinse with your garden hose and your chairs will look fresh and clean! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Conservatives fear Supreme Court decision will mean elimination of women's sports https://tinyurl.com/y8yw9hys Protesters tear down statues of Union general Ulysses S. Grant, national anthem lyricist Francis Scott Key https://tinyurl.com/ybaqt3a7 Massive Black Lives Matter (BLM) and Democrat Party Money Laundering Scheme Unveiled - Black Lives Matter has an entire agenda dedicated to re-electing Democrats instead of saving black lives. (go figure) https://tinyurl.com/yd34pq7z BLM should care about these people and the many little ones thrown in the garbage during abortions: “Chicago saw its highest number of gun violence victims in a single weekend this year with 102 people shot across the city from Friday evening to Monday morning, 14 of them fatally. Five of those killed were minors,” the Chicago Sun-Times reports. https://tinyurl.com/yaony9ef MyHealthVet: Doctors’ advice for better Secure Messaging; how to sleep better during COVID-19 https://tinyurl.com/yadrf5j7 William Barr hits establishment media for ‘bovine silence’ on collapsed Russiagate narrative https://tinyurl.com/ya5gfowq Seniors are becoming COVID-19 collateral damage. They're dying because of it, not of it. https://tinyurl.com/y9vkvm87 Maybe why kids are mostly immune - they are vaccinated: ‘Protection against lethal infections’: Researchers say they can help prevent severe effects of coronavirus A team of researchers in Louisiana has proposed a method of combating the coronavirus: issuing booster doses of the measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) vaccine, CNN reported. https://tinyurl.com/ybwya47v Media outlets band together, give AG Barr a roadmap showing how Google is allegedly crushing journalism (and small websites) https://tinyurl.com/yanhjg74 ‘Lacking courage’: US Attorney says Virginia leaders ignore MS-13 problem because of political correctness https://tinyurl.com/y9yfjbds Cop Saving a choking baby at a protest https://www.foxnews.com/us/police-officer-cop-hero-good-video-save Assault on Open Speech is an Attack on America -Washington Examiner https://tinyurl.com/y8wmhq3k On Daca, Obama Can but Trump Can’t -The Wall Street Journal https://tinyurl.com/y9dndzkw Trump Signs Police Reform Executive Order in Rose Garden Ceremony -Fox News https://tinyurl.com/y75cmaau Trump Initiative Aims to Reduce High Suicide Rate Among Veterans -The Daily Signal https://tinyurl.com/y87pmmdv Lockdowns Hit Minority Businesses -The Wall Street Journal https://tinyurl.com/ybnmozp5 Westwing News: Dr. Alveda King: Trump Is Moving the Nation Toward Police Reform and Racial Justice https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Juice, Cough and Cold Medicine, Furniture http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: There are some benefits to drinking alcohol, moderate amounts can be good for your health, immoderate amounts can give you a warm fuzzy feeling of fraternity with the whole human race, but there are disadvantages too, not the least of which is doing really stupid things when pulled over by the police. A 40-year-old man is facing multiple charges after New York state police say he tried to eat his DWI test results. Troopers say Kenneth Desormes, of Greenwich, Connecticut, was stopped for speeding at 5:30 a.m. After speaking with him, the troopers determined he was intoxicated and arrested him. Desormes was transported to the state police barracks to be processed. Troopers say when his breathalyzer tests results were printing, Desormes grabbed the paperwork and tried to eat it. He is charged with driving while intoxicated, obstructing governmental administration, and criminal tampering. -<>- Well, that's one way to get somebody's goat. A pair of what appeared to be skinned goat heads were found dangling from a street light at a busy Park Slope intersection in New York, police said. At least one witness called 911 after spotting the bloody animal heads attached to a piece of twine hanging above Ninth Street and Fifth Avenue - sparking a police investigation. The skulls dangled in the wind until shortly before noon, when a staffer from a nearby car service company carried a ladder to the pole and knocked them down with a stick. That's what they call a New York Pinata. Some wondered whether it was Santeria or voodoo. "Maybe it's some of those wackos who go for Santeria or voodoo," said local resident Louis Katenzakes. "It's the occult. They do rituals. They kill animals." The sighting wasn't the first example of animal body parts discovered in the area. In March, severed goat heads and rooster heads were found in Prospect Park. Other locals said they were unmoved. "It's New York. I've seen the towers come down, so beyond that, nothing really stings that bad," said J. Sapp, who works in the area. *--- Soap opera employs blow-up doll ---* The head writer for perennial CBS soap opera The Bold and the Beautiful said the show will be using a blow-up doll as a stand-in for love scenes amid the COVID-19 pandemic. The show is resuming filming this month after shutting down amid the coronavirus outbreak in March. Bradley Bell, the soap's head writer and executive producer, said measures are being taken to keep the cast and crew safe while making new episodes. "When we were reviewing the scripts we started taking out all the romantic scenes and [the scripts] just fell flat," Bell said. "We put our heads together trying to figure out a way to make these scenes work without breaking the eight-foot [distancing] rule... and we brought out a doll we used years ago as a corpse. "We posed it and it was very convincing," Bell said. "It's a great doll and we'll be using her with hair and makeup as a stand-in to match some of our leading ladies." He said the show currently has only the one blow-up doll, but producers might look into obtaining more artificial actors if the shots turn out well. *--- Officer allegedly sought to sniff woman's feet ---* Texas prosecutors said a former school district officer told a woman she could go if she let him smell her feet or handed over her underwear. The Harris County District Attorney's Office said Cy-Fair School District Officer Patrick Quinn, who has since been fired, pulled over a woman at 3 a.m. for an expired sticker and told her that her vehicle smelled of marijuana. Quinn, who prosecutors said should not have been conducting traffic stops as a school resource officer, claims to have found a marijuana grinder in the woman's car. The woman told authorities Quinn put her in the back of his patrol car. She said the officer told her she could go free if she allowed him to smell her feet or if she gave him her underwear. However, Quinn apparently had a change of heart and told the woman to "forget about it," the district attorney's office said. The woman, who Quinn allowed to leave the scene, reported the incident the following day. Quinn was charged with two counts of official oppression. *--- This is not a Police Academy movie ---* The San Diego County Sheriff's Office said deputies responded to a 911 call reporting two cars driving recklessly in Lemon Grove. The deputies attempted to stop the vehicles, but both sped off from the scene, the department said. Deputies called off the chase out of safety concerns before one of the vehicles crashed into the back yard of a home, the sheriff's office said. The vehicle ended up submerged in the home's swimming pool, but the driver fled the scene before deputies arrived. No injuries were reported. *--- The system works ---* When the protesters in Seattle, Washington took over the Capitol Hill neighborhood and created the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone, or 'CHAZ', they wanted to create a space free from the police and their influence. And that's exactly what they got. A Capitol Hill auto shop was broken into overnight by protesters and a suspect tried to start a fire and stole cash, as well as car keys. The business owner, John McDermott, says he and his son managed to detain the suspect - but despite more than a dozen 911 calls, police and fire never showed up. "I'm told 19 times," he said. "They alluded they were sending someone, finally said they weren't going to send somebody," McDermott said. He said while they had the suspect detained, protesters rushed over and demanded they let the suspect go. "It was either that, or they were coming over and it was going to turn into mayhem beyond mayhem," McDermott said. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ^^^ ^^^ |\ |\ |\ |\ || .---. || .---. || .---. || .---. ||/_____\ ||/_____\ ||/_____\ ||/_____\ ||( '.' ) ||( '.' ) ||( '.' ) ||( '.' ) || \_-_/_ || \_-_/_ || \_-_/_ || \_-_/_ :-"`'V'//-. :-"`'V'//-. :-"`'V'//-. :-"`'V'//-. / , |// , `\ / , |// , `\ / , |// , `\ / , |// , `\ / /|Ll //Ll|| | / /|Ll //Ll|| | / /|Ll //Ll|| | / /|Ll //Ll|| | /_/||__// || | /_/||__// || | /_/||__// || | /_/||__// || | \ \/---|[]==|| | \ \/---|[]==|| | \ \/---|[]==|| | \ \/---|[]==|| | \/\__/ | \| | \/\__/ | \| | \/\__/ | \| | \/\__/ | \| | /\|_ | Ll_\ | /|/_ | Ll_\ | /|/_ | Ll_\ | /|/_ | Ll_\ | `--|`^"""^`||_| `--|`^"""^`||_| `--|`^"""^`||_| `--|`^"""^`||_| | | ||/ | | ||/ | | ||/ | | ||/ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | L___l___J L___l___J L___l___J L___l___J |_ | _| |_ | _| |_ | _| |_ | _| jgs (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ >3 Days in the Army Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. -<>- >Think About It I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. -<>- >The Invisible Patient Psychiatrist's Nurse: "There's a man in the waiting room who claims to be invisible." Doctor: "Tell him I can't see him right now." -<>- ______ \ \. |`\_____\ |` | | __-====-__ | | | (~< >~>_| | | {~~-====--~~: \ | | !~~------~~/----`+----/ \ \___ / >------\ \ < Unknown <_________________> >Rules of A Plumber The four most important things that an apprentice plumber needs to learn: 1. Hot is on the left, cold is on the right. 2. Crap flows downhill. 3. Payday is on Friday. 4. Don't chew your fingernails. -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: What is a horse's favorite sport? A: Stable Tennis! Q: What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? A: Look, grandpa, no hands! Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: How do hair stylists speed up their job? A: They take short cuts! ____ /_,-'\ \_Oo'/ gee.. thanks __),~(__ (-'_,-'_,) \'_,-'_/ )_,-'( ( _,-'_) \_,-'/ ),-( (_,-') _,-'_,-<_ _ _,-'_,-(_/\__) [_]_,-' mic Q: What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say? A: "Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back." Q: How does the man in the moon eat his food? A: In satellite dishes. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ,;/ \`. ,'/ \`. ::( ) : : ( ) : |:::._____,' | | `._____,' | |::::::: | | | |::::::: _ | | _ _ | |:<)_(>:<)_(> | | <)_(> <)_(> | |::::::| | | | | |::::::| | | | | :::|.`:|,'/| : : |.`.|,'/| : :::| `-'-' | ; : | `---' | ; \:: ; / \ : ; / \:\ / / \ \ / / \::-.-' / \ `---' / `::| ,' `. ,' `:' SSt `.' SSt >Wearing A Mask I don't think everybody is taking this mask business seriously. I ran into a liquor store the other day to buy a 6-pack of beer (okay... a case) and the guy behind the counter stopped me as I walked past. He said, "Hey buddy, you have to wear a mask inside the store." He said this while wearing his mask down around his chin, completely exposing his mouth and nose. What could I do? I went back out to my truck and got my PP. When I walked back in I was wearing my mask exactly like he was wearing his; around my chin. When I got back to the counter with my beer the cashier said, "Sorry about that, but those are the rules. Everybody's got to wear a mask." I said, "No problem. I understand. Safety first, right?" He nodded in agreement before he wiped his nose and handed me my change, "Absolutely." Remember the good ol' days when wearing a mask into a liquor store meant you were robbing it? -<>- ___ # /_,/\ |/ ? /" ( | , )\ .Y___ / /__/\ \____ \(__ ,- / \_/ \ / (\ |/| / < _____ _> \ |. ||\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\------'-----' '-' |\/ b'ger Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is. "Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home." "What kind of question?" asked Tom. "My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly." "That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'". "Yeah," said Eric, "That's what I did, except I said, 'Of course I DO....'" -<>- I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?" -<>- A pretty young blonde stood at the bank cashier's window and smiled. "I'd like to cash this check, please," she said, handing it over. The teller examined the check and said: "Could you identify yourself, Miss?" For a moment the lovely girl's brow creased over, then with a bright look she fumbled in her handbag and producing a mirror, glanced in it and with relief said, "Yes! It's me, all right!" The clerk said, "No Ma'am, you misunderstood me. We require a photo identification." The girl searched her bag again and found a picture with a group of people. "This is a recent family photo," she explained. "That's me, third from the left." -<>- A young city boy visiting a dude ranch wanted to be appear macho, so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried to begin a conversation, "Say, isn't that fine-looking bunch of cows over there." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' it's 'herd.'" "Heard what?" "Herd of cows." "Sure, I've heard of cows!" finished the city boy excitedly, "there's a big bunch of 'em right over there." -<>- . . . .'. \ / \ / .'. .' '.' ' -= o =- -= o =- .' ' / | \ / | \ | | | | | | .=====| |=====. |.---.| |.---.| ||=o=|| ||=o=|| || || || || || || || || ||___|| ||___|| |[:::]| jgs |[:::]| '-----' '-----' >If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything: Stamps - Lickie Stickie Defibrillators - Hearty Starty Bumble bees - Fuzzy Buzzy Pregnancy test - Maybe Baby Bra - Breasty Nestie Fork - Stabby Grabby Socks - Feetie Heatie Hippo - Floatie Bloatie Nightmare - Screamy Dreamy -<>- .--, .--, ( ( \.---./ ) ) '.__/o o\__.' {= ^ =} > - < / \ // \\ //| . |\\ "'\ /'"_.-~^`'-. \ _ /--' ` jgs ___)( )(___ >A FEW SIMPLE RULES FOR HAPPY LIVING: Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. Avoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. For high blood pressure sufferers - simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You'll be afraid to cough. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and it does, use the duct tape. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem. Daily thought: Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for much but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs. ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: ,="=-. ,`'oo' \o`. ( .88 |^||^)) ) , ) ) `@ (@' (. ( ` , `C ' ) `) `-=' ,/ ._c/ `-=' ,-( `-.,')-. gpyy `( ) `' '` >Hi Daddy A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, hon." "Thank God, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!" -<>- _____ _/__|_,\__ aaaah _O |,-.___,-. ) _____ _o' @ __ (` ( O ) ( O ) _/__|_,\__ /` __( `> ____|_,\_ |> ,`-'/_~`-'/) |,-.___,-._) /> )-.)/\-. |,-.___,-.| ,|. `===---===-' `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' >It's About Time The traffic light wasn't working on the corner of Broadway and 72nd Street, so the blonde stood with a large crowd of people waiting to cross, while a cop directed traffic. Finally, the cop blew his whistle, motioned to the crowd, and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!" The throng surged across Broadway -- all except the blonde, who stayed on the corner. When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection. Half a minute later, he stopped the cars on Broadway and sent the 72nd Street traffic into motion. Again, he got around to the blonde's corner, where by this time she had again been joined by a crowd of people. Tweeeeeeeet! "Okay, pedestrians!" The crowd crossed the street, but again the blonde stayed put. She looked at her watch and tapped her foot but never budged from the sidewalk. Finally, after the cop yelled "Okay, pedestrians!" for the third time, the blonde shouted across traffic, "Yo! Officer! Isn't it about time you let the Catholics cross?" [I'm not sure if this is a slight at blondes or Catholics.] -<>- >The Verdict The DA stared at the jury, unable to believe the "not guilty" verdict he'd just heard. Bitterly, he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?" The foreman answered, "Insanity." The attorney responded, still incredulous, "I could understand that. . .but - all twelve of you?" -<>- (\,/) oo '''//, _ ,/_;~, \, / ' ikas "' \ ( \ ! ',| \ |__.' '~ '~----'' >The Statue A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?" "Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," said the owner. The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story." As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him down the street. This was disconcerting; he began walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. He began to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after it, and were all drowned. The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," said the owner, "You have come back for the story?" "No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze politician?" -<>- >Taking The Cure WHILE waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend's check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check. "Why not?" my friend asked incredulously. "I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000." "It can't be!" he cried. "You have to be kidding!" "Yes, I am," she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your hiccups are gone." -<>- ,////, /// 6| // _| _/_,-' _.-/'/ \ ,/;, ,-' /' \_ \ / _/ `\ / _/\ ` / | /, `\_/ | \' pb /\_ /` /\ /' /_``--.__/\ `,. / \ |_/` `-._ `\/ `\ `. `-.__/' `\ | `\ \ `\ \ \_\__ \___) >Setting The Pace The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.' With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving the truck." -<>- >Older Than Dirt My Dad was cleaning out my grandmother's house and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old. ********************************************************** Circa 1946 Nickel JukeBox _______ _.-'\ /'-._ _.-' _\ .-. /_ '-._ .-' _.-' |/.-.\| '-._ '-. .' .-' _|| ||_ '-. '. / .' .-' ||___|| '-. '. \ / .' .-' _.-'-----'-._ '-. '. \ / / .' .-' ~ ~ '-. '. \ \ / / / .' ~ * ~ ~ '. \ \ \ / / /.'........ * ~ * ~'.\ \ \ | / //:::::::::: ~ _____._____ \\ \ | | | |/::::::::::: * '-----------' \| | | .--.|__||_____________________________||__|.--. .' '----. .-----------------------. .----' '. '.________' |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| '________.' .'--------. |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| .--------'. '.________' |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| '________.' .'--------. |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| .--------'. '.________' |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| '________.' | | || ____ |:| | | | | |:| ____ || | | | | || | ||:| | | | | |:|| | || | | | | || |____||: Wurlitzer :||____| || | | | | || | /|:| | | | | |:|\ | || | | | | || |_.` |:| | | | | |:| `._| || | | | | || .---.-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-.---. || | | | | || | |\ /\ / \ /\ /| | || | | | | || | |~\/ \/ ~ \/ \/ | | || | | | | || | | /\ ~/\ ~ /\ ~/\ | | || | | | | || | |/ \/ \ / \/ ~\| | || | | | | || | |\~ /\~ / \~ /\ /| | || | | | | || | | \/ \/ ~ \/ \/ | | || | | | | || | | /\~ /\ ~ /\ ~/\ | | || | | | | || |===|/ \/ .-. \/ \|===| || | | | | || | | ~ /\ ( * ) /\ ~ | | || | | | | || | \ / \/'-'\/ \ / | || | | /-._|__|| \ \ ~ /\ ~ /\~ / / ||__|_.-\ |-._/__/| \ './ .-. \.' / |\__\_.-| | | | || '._ '-| |-' _.' || | | | | | | || '._ | | _.' || | | | | | | || '-._| |_.-' || | | | | | | || __ | | || | | | | | | || O__O |_| || | | | '.|_|__||_____________________________||__|_|.' | | |-----------------------------| | | | | [_____________________________] | | | | |/ LGB \| | | '._|__.' '.__|_.' >How Many Do You Remember?? * Head lights dimmer switches on the floor * Ignition switches on the dashboard * Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall * Real ice boxes [Ask your Mom about that] * Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. * Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner. * Using hand signals for cars without turn signals. ******************************************* ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >Older Than Dirt Quiz Count all the ones that you remember- not the ones you were told about! Ratings at the bottom. 1. Blackjack chewing gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottle 5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P.F. Flyers 10. Butch wax 11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933) 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15. S&H Green Stamps 16. Hi-fi's 17. Metal ice trays with lever 18. Mimeograph paper 19. Blue flashbulb 20. Packards 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins 24. Studebakers 25. Wash tub wringers If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age, If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt! Don't forget to pass this along!! Especially to all your really OLD friends. -<>- >Story Time My friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales at night. Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he often ad-libs parts of the stories for fun. One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade class as the teacher was reading the story of the "Three Little Pigs." She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home. She said, "And so the pig went up to the man with a wheel barrow full of straw and said 'Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?'" The teacher then asks the class, "And what do you think that man said?" My friend's son raised his hand and exclaimed, "I know! I know! - _ |\_,,____ ( o__o \/ /(..) \ (_ )--( _) / ""--"" \ ,===,=| |-,,,,-| |==,== |d | WW | WW | |s | | | | | 'Holy smokes! A talking pig!'" Apparently the teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. -<>- >Staying Overnight... We Three Are A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn." "No problem," spoke the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door. The farmer opened the door, and there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal." His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes late the same scene occurs. There is a knock on the door. "What's wrong, now?" the farmer asked. The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!" Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood the pig and the cow. -<>- >How Long??? "Doctor, can you help me? Every time I sit down I see visions of Mickey Mouse and Pluto, and then when stand up I see Donald Duck!" "I see. Tell me, how long have you been suffering these DISNEY spells?" -<>- >BABYSITTING A young man volunteered to babysit one night so his mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping down the stairs but the young man kept sending him back. At 9pm, the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbor Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. The young man brusquely replied, "No". Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted, "I'm here Mom but he won't let me go home." -<>- . | . \ | / `. \ ' / .' `. .-*""*-. .' "*-._ /.*" "*.\ _.-*" : ; ____ """"': .. ; _.-*" \ `.__.' / "*-._ .' `-.__.-' `. bug .' / . \ `. / | \ ' | ` >HOW TO BE HAPPY --1. Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things. --2. Make the best of your circumstances. No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears. --3. Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't think that somehow you should be protected from misfortune that befalls other people. --4. You can't please everybody. Don't let criticism worry you. --5. Don't let your neighbor set your standards. Be yourself. --6. Do the things you enjoy doing, but stay out of debt. --7. Never borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than real ones. --8. Since hate poisons the soul, do not cherish jealousy, enmity, grudges. Avoid negative people. --9. Have many interests. If you can't travel, read about new places. --10. Don't hold postmortems. Don't spend your time brooding over sorrows or mistakes. Don't be one who never gets over things. --11. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself. --12. Keep busy at something. A busy person never has time to be unhappy. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Amazing Bonsai Forests!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bonsai.html Hey, If It Fits 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fits2.html Creative Bathroom Signs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/toiletsigns.html When Sandman Attacks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman.html World's Beautiful trees!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worldstrees.html Germany's Waldgeist Restaurant!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/germanyr.html Look Who's Talking 14!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking14.html Big Baobab Tree!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/baobabtree.html All Occasion Cakes!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aocakes.html Animal Friends 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends4.html Wishing Lamp!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wishinglamp.html Great Banyan Tree!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/banyan.html Chocolate Train!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chocolatetrain.html Mysterious Black Forest!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blackforest.html Decorating A Man Cave!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mancave.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) 'Let's Twist Again' (1961) by the great Chubby Checker - including dance clips from the early 60's along with movie and television scenes. https://youtu.be/KxQZQ86jJHg Dancers Jason Colacino and Katie Boyle entertain us with this dance to Honky Tonk Woman that is simply wonderful. These two talented dancers show us what we’d all like to look like dancing in jeans. Their dancing partnership ended when Jason passed away unexpectedly in 2009 from cardiac arrest due to pneumonia and an enlarged heart. He was only 31 years old and the world lost a talented and vibrant dancer way too soon. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7XfKf46iZY Put your dancing shoes on and do a little Rockin’ and Rollin’ as you watch this entertaining dance video featuring some great dancers and music. This fun dance video was filmed at the International Lindy Hop Championships. performed by dancers Jessica Lennartsson and Remy Kouakou Kouame. https://youtu.be/COH0hnyOHOk --- ...Fun Ones! Thanks LouiseAu! Revisiting... >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Illusionist Vitaly Luzkar lives in Kiev, Ukraine. As a child he got inspired by David Copperfield, when he watched him perform one of his incredible magic tricks. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqfADuuXsck David Copperfield magically floats among the clouds and stars in one of the greatest illusion of all time. Flying illusion - Live The Dream. (1992) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgN-Ac5EH1Y --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu! This is why they say huskies are stubborn! They're very smart but they have low motivation to please their owners. Zeus loves playing in the water in the bathtub and wants the water turned on. Even though it's time for his walk he howls in protest because he wants to play in the water! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aw5M-4Fo2wE Does this 11-month-old husky look like any human children you know? He says "no" to his kennel just like a kid says "no" to bedtime! You have to see (and hear) it to believe it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=hCRDskZrUMU --- ...LOL! SO funny! Thanks LouiseAu! Pardo's Phantom Push took place in the skies over North Vietnam on March 10, 1967 when Air Force pilot Bob Pardo and his Weapons Systems Officer Steve Wayne performed an amazing act of flying. Their effort to save fellow pilot Earl Aman and his weapons system officer Bob Houghton is known as "Pardo's Push" and was an act that they weren't exactly congratulated for at the time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRNbcPS3A9c&feature=player_embedded --- ...Pretty Spectacular! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Fran :) Look at yourself after watching this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE&feature=youtu.be --- ...Amazing! Thanks Fran! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) This is a real good summary of CO2. Most people are poorly informed or are driven by suspect agendas. This 3 min Australian video puts carbon dioxide in perspective. You get the whole message in the first 30 seconds https://www.youtube.com/embed/BC1l4geSTP8 --- ...Wowsers! Pretty interesting! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "It was 90 degrees in New York City today. Yeah, you know it's bad when you get that dirty gust of wind from the subway and you go, 'Aaahh!'" -Jimmy Fallon "An Ohio man was recently arrested after attacking his roommate with a rolling pin. And I find it amazing that two male roommates actually owned a rolling pin." -Seth Meyers "Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It's perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun." -Conan O'Brien "A new study has found that people who run marathons have less arthritis than non-runners. Responded non-runners: 'This. This is why no one wants to hang out with you.'" -Seth Meyers "Applebee's is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month of June. So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee's, get them to a hospital." -Jimmy Fallon "A clothing company is going to release a $99 wedding dress. The $99 wedding dress is the perfect way to tell your man, 'I do, I guess.'" -Conan O'Brien "Microsoft is working on technology that removes the need for cashiers and checkout lines. This cutting-edge technology is known as 'shoplifting.'" -Conan O'Brien "Nordstrom is launching a new home and wellness collection that features a marijuana-scented candle. You can use it to cover up the smell when you get stoned on vanilla." -Seth Meyers "This Sunday is Father's Day. With the big day coming up, a lot of people are shopping for the perfect Father's Day card, and while there are lots of good choices, there are also some very unpopular cards out there. For example, this card says, 'Dad, you taught me everything I know.' Open up, it says, 'That's why I'm so messed up.'" -Jimmy Fallon "People everywhere enjoy believing things that they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know." -Brooks Atkinson "A lot of energy is wasted in adversarial relationships. Unless you are in a life or death situation, it's often better to disengage from someone who is set against you rather than try to defeat or outdo them. Your time and effort is better spent finding, and working, with those who are aligned to your purpose." - Isabel Parlett "In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." -- Thomas Jefferson "Life is not measured by the breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away." -- Anonymous >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************