Sharks, Snakes, Bears And More.... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This piping hot new page is from our friends Linda and Bunni. It not only gives some gorgeous eye candy but also some very good information as well. Be sure to check out this lovely page here... , .--'|} / /}} .=\.--'`\} //` '---./` || /| \\| | |\_\\/ \__/\\ \\ jgs \| A Flower A Day! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flowerday.html --- ...Thank You Linda! Reminds me of why I love Perfume so much! Very fitting too as a sweet memory of our dear friend Bunni. ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy Two friends are talking. One says to the other, "I am so tired of people not understanding what I'm talking about". His friend turns to him and says, "What do you mean?" -<>- A man walked into a bar with a banana on his head. As he served him, the bartender said: "Look, I don't know if you realize this, but you've got a banana on your head." "That's ok," said the man. "I always wear a banana on my head on Tuesdays." "But today's Wednesday," said the bartender. "It's not, is it?" groaned the man. "Oh no! I must look like a complete idiot!" -<>- One rainy evening, a couple emerged from a restaurant only to find that they had locked the keys in the car. The husband insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so we went back to the restaurant to get one. There were none to be found. The husband then ran to a department store a few blocks away and returned with a hanger. After a few attempts, he got the door open and they both climbed in. As they sat there, soaked and cold, he stuck the hanger under his seat. With a smug grin, he said, "Now if this ever happens again, I'll have one." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ April 30 is Hairstyle Appreciation Day and National Honesty Day May 1 is May Day, Loyalty Day, Mother Goose Day and Save the Rhino Day May 2 is Baby Day and Brothers and Sisters Day May 3 is Garden Meditation Day, Lumpy Rug Day and World Press Freedom Day May 4 is Bird Day, International Tuba Day, National Candied Orange Peel Day, Renewal Day, Star Wars Day and Space Day May 5 is Cinco de Mayo, Free Comic Book Day, National Hoagie Day, and Oyster Day May 6 is Beverage Day, National Tourist Appreciation Day, National Nurses Day and No Diet Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: __ _-==-=_,-. /--`' \_@-@.--< `--'\ \ <___/. The wonderful thing about Tiggers, \ \\ " / is Tiggers are wonderful things. >=\\_/`< Their tops are made out of rubber, ____ /= | \_/ their bottoms are made out of springs. _' `\ _/=== \__/ They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, `___/ //\./=/~\====\ Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. \ // / | ===: But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is, | ._/_,__|_ ==: __ I'm the only one. \/ \\ \\`--| / \\ | _ \\: /==:-\ `.__' `-____/ |--|==: \ \ ===\ :==:`-' _> \ ===\ /==/ /==\ | ===\__/--/ <=== \ / ====\ \\/ _`-- \/ === \/--' | \ ==== | -`------/`--' / \___-' unknown >Open House Appreciation To show his appreciation to the community, our base commanding officer held an open house. This included a free meal in the mess hall. I was busing tables when I noticed a family leaving a large tip. "Excuse me. We can't accept tips," I told them. "It's not for you," said the woman. "That's to help send your cook to culinary school." -<>- >Emergency Numbers Our new phone book arrived with a handy blank emergency-number form attached to the front page. I guess everyone's notion of an emergency is different. The categories for phone numbers were listed in this order: 1. Pizza 2. Takeout Restaurants 3. Taxi 4. Poison Control 5. Doctor -<>- >Mathematically Speaking A high-school geometry teacher started a lesson on triangles by reading a theorem. "If an angle is an exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure is greater than the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior angles." He noticed that one student wasn't taking notes and asked him why. "Well," the student replied sincerely, "I was waiting for you to start speaking English." -<>- >Auto-Body Repair One of my first assignments as a trainee in an auto-body shop was a car needing a new fender and some door repairs. I spent hours doing a perfect job, but when the owner came to pick it up, he wasn't pleased. "What's wrong?" I asked. Pointing to the side of the car, he complained about the paint not matching, uneven gaps between panels, and a host of other problems. He demanded an explanation. "The repairs were to the other side," I noted. -<>- >Stuck in an Elevator The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day, leaving several of us stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, I dialed the first and explained our situation. After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, "I don't know what you expect me to do for you. I'm a psychologist." "A psychologist?" I replied. "Your phone is listed here as an emergency number. Can't you help us?" "Well," he finally responded in a measured tone. "How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) .---._ _.-'"""'-._ _.---. :.---._`.: .- -. ;.'_.---.; : ' `.': .`.' ` ; `....-':'::. 0 0 .' :;`-....' :.:'_:---:_`::; .--._ `:_( )_:' _.--. .----. ``-.' \ / `.-'' .----. : : .---'': `-.-' :--''''-. : : ___: :____.--''`. : .'``--._____: :_____ : :_.'| ' | `''"'|"'' | ` `._; : ____`-'____|_______|_______|_______|_______|___`-'______ | | | | | | | ______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|___ | | | | | | | _|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|________ jgs | | | | | | | ____|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_____ >SMILES Rosy and Shirley had been out of touch for years until they met at the mall one day. Rose said, "Shirley, it's been so long. I heard you got married." "Yes," said Shirley, "I married a lawyer, and an honest man, too." "Hmmm," said Rosy, "isn't that bigamy?" ---------- A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you." The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. No answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for supper?" She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, are you deaf! ---------- Last Sunday, the Gospel was the one about the ten bridesmaids. The five good bridesmaids remembered to take plenty of oil for their lamps; five bad bridesmaids did not. The priest at our church is always very fiery and his sermons always end on a high note. Last Sunday the priest ended with... "Where would you rather be? In the light with the five good bridesmaids or in the dark with the five bad bridesmaids?" I wasn't the only one who got it wrong! ------- >Reunion At Our Age - The 60th High School Reunion He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years, having been high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past, without fail. This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high, with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table and the widow smiling coyly back at him. Finally during one dance, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me? After about 6 seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes.... yes I will!" Needless to say, the evening ended on a happy note for the widower. However, the next morning he was troubled. Did she say Yes or did she say No? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over-and-over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response. With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say Yes or did you say No?” "Why you silly man, she replied, I said Yes. Yes I will! And I meant it with all my heart!" The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat. Then she continued. "And I'm so glad you called, because I couldn't remember who asked me.” --- ...HaHa! Good Ones! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >Stats No wonder Washington, DC is in a turmoil. Trump's picks are bosses who expect their employees to work. The percentage of each past president's cabinet who had worked in the private business sector prior to their appointment to the cabinet. You know what the private business sector is: A real-life business not a government job. Here are the percentages: 38% T. Roosevelt 40% Taft 52% Wilson 49% Harding 48% Coolidge 42% Hoover 50% F. D. Roosevelt 50% Truman 57% Eisenhower 30% Kennedy 47% Johnson 53% Nixon 42% Ford 32% Carter 56% Reagan 51% GH Bush 39% Clinton 55% GW Bush 8% Obama 90% Trump This helps explain the bias, if not the incompetence, of the last administration: ONLY 8% of them had ever worked in private business! That's right! Only eight percent - the least, by far of the last 19 presidents! And these people tried to tell our corporations how to run their businesses? How could Obama, president of a major nation and society, the one with the most successful economic system in world history, stand and talk about business when he had never worked for one? Or about jobs when he has never really had one? The same for 92% of his senior staff and closest advisers? They've spent most of their time in academia, government, and/or non-profit jobs or as "community organizers." Probably a good idea to pass this on, because we'll NEVER see these facts in the main stream media, or from the alphabet networks. --- ...Trump has been turning this economy around! Thanks LouiseAu! Obama really didn't have a clue! He messed up bad when he said this - Obama: If You've Got A Business, You Didn't Build That https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKjPI6no5ng He knew how to irritate us small business owners! We worked super hard to build up our small computer business - nobody gave us money, education, equipment or customers - we had to build it all by ourselves and we had to keep it going all by ourselves and we had to pay the extra high self-employment taxes to the government just for the privilege of working 12-16 hours every day and even most weekends. All by our own SELF made business instead of working for someone else! That is what SELF-EMPLOYMENT TAXES meant - we built it our selves! OUR BUSINESS Not Government owned! Grrrr. President Trump gets it! It is why America is so great! We have lots of people willing to work hard for a better life for themselves and their children. President Trump proclaims Small Business Week: Today marks the beginning of Small Business Week. The U.S. Small Business Administration under Administrator Linda McMahon has been committed to expanding opportunity for entrepreneurs and job creators across the country. In addition to other events this week, SBA is hosting a 3-day virtual conference beginning tomorrow. https://tinyurl.com/y79x322c “Small businesses are at the heart of our Nation,” President Trump writes in his Proclamation. “Our country’s 30 million small businesses employ nearly 58 million Americans — 48 percent of the labor force. Each year, small businesses create two-out-of-three net new, private- sector jobs in the United States.” The Administration’s economic program reflects that fact. In addition to ongoing regulatory rollback across the Federal government, the United States now operates “under a globally competitive tax system for the first time in decades,” according to Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross. Learn more about Small Business Week 2018. https://tinyurl.com/ybwn3eyf ========================================================= >-->From Our Friends Linda And Geniann :) ,-=-. / ) ( c/=( `-( _/ _/ (_ / `-- ) < , ) )> / \/ \ (/\ / ,' ) \ \ -=` / / | \ \-` / | '\| <_./ \ / | / , \ <,_./ | / | /_ | | ``--.__.-='! | / \ ! '`'"' ("" '`'`"' `) \_'"'`"" "``''"''`" "'"`''' (_ \_ '"`=-'`" `" " '"" `-'`" '"'`' '`'"' '""`'" __ __ / . ) _ gpyy/ .' | /|/ / \ /ejm ` __|/ o ( .\ ``'"'""' \ | \___ '`'"`)| \__`-. '""'` >Thoughts - just for laughs ...The Importance of walking: Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $6,000 per month. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the heck he is! I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing... I joined a health club last year, spent about 250 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there! Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate. I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he?' If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, - Just getting over the hill. We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. Hey - That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a pub with a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine. You could run this over to your friends... But just e-mail it to them! It will save you the walk!!! --- ...LOL! These are rich! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Trump Greets Wounded Warrior Project Soldier Riders at White House - CBS News - For the second year in a row, President Trump welcomed participants from the Wounded Warrior Project’s Soldier Ride to the White House on Thursday. The Soldier Ride brings together wounded veterans and service members for a four-day adaptive cycling program. https://tinyurl.com/ydyswhua Apple’s Tim Cook Meets with Trump in Oval Office - Bloomber https://tinyurl.com/ybdn595y WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: Sharks and Snakes and Bears, Oh My: Talk about your bad luck. A Colorado man vacationing in Hawaii survived a bite from a shark -- after previously being attacked by a bear and a rattlesnake. Dylan McWilliams of Grand Junction said he was surfing during his two-week vacation on the island of Kauai when a shark bit his leg. "I was looking around and saw a lot of blood and I saw a shark underneath me," he told local news. "I started kicking at it." McWilliams said he rushed back to shore. "The scariest part was swimming back," McWilliams said. "There was blood behind me. I didn't know where it was." McWilliams, who is recovering from some deep cuts to his leg, said the shark bite was not his first brush with near-death from an apex predator -- he was attacked by a bear last summer while working as a survival instructor at a Boulder County, Colo., camp. The bear "pulled me into its mouth and then it grabbed me with its teeth," McWilliams said last year. "When it pulled, it tore the skin and scraped along my skull which was like the cracking noise that I heard." Before that, McWilliams said he survived a bite from a rattle- snake. McWilliams, who considers Steve Irwin to be one of his heroes, said his experiences haven't scared him away from wildlife. "I'm out with the animals all the time. To me, it's like, I was in the wrong spot at the wrong time," he said. -<>- MacGyver Mommy: You can learn a lot by watching YouTube; how to fix a leaky faucet, how to make a quiche, and apparently, how to self- deliver your own baby. Tia Freeman, a 22-year-old member of the Air Force, found herself in a predicament when she started to go into labor while in a Turkish airport. In a series of tweets Freeman told the whole story. She said she didn't realize she was pregnant until her third trimester. By that time she had made plans for a trip to Germany, but rather than cancel she decided to go anyway. Unfortunately for her, during a 17-hour layover in Turkey the baby decided to start the final countdown. Freeman tweeted, "I am NOT having a baby in this airport." Freeman said she left the airport for a hotel, where she watched a YouTube clip on how to deliver a baby. She filled a bathtub with warm water, grabbed a towel to bite down on and began timing her contractions. "Luckily it happened pretty quickly," Freeman wrote. "I only had to push about 5-6x before a baby popped out. Lol now let me tell you babies are buoyant. That little joker said bloop and floated right on up to the top of the water." The MacGyver Mommy then used a shoelace to clamp the umbilical cord before cutting it with a knife. And after all that Freeman and the baby almost didn't make it out of the country. When she returned to the airport customs thought she was a human trafficker trying to smuggle the baby out of the country. But after being interviewed by customs, the police, and a doctor, she was finally allowed to leave. Freeman named the boy Xavier Ata. *------------ Sticking To His Guns ------------* The New York Police Department said that they have arrested 59-year-old Gregory Price of Brooklyn after catching him in the act of committing a robbery with a glue gun. Price has been charged with robbery and criminal possession of a weapon [shouldn't that be criminal possession of a crafting tool?]. According to the police investigation, Price used black tape to make a glue gun look like a real firearm. Price is accused if going into a 7-Eleven in Manhattan, pointing the glue gun at the cashier and demanding cash. On another occasion in Brooklyn, Price approached a woman who was driving her car and asked for money. He then pointed the glue gun at the woman and robbed her. He managed to flee the scene before police arrived. Most recently, police followed Price and watched as he attempted to rob the cashier at Vivi Bubble Tea in Brooklyn. Police then entered the store and arrested him. *-------------- Neigh Means Neigh --------------* A homeless man broke into a woman's property and s%*ually assaulted her horse, according to police in Oregon. Washington County police said that they have arrested 20-year-old Kenneth Lijah Duyck after being accused of having s%*ual contact with the woman's horse. The woman who owns the property called the police to report that Duyck, who is homeless, asked her for permission to camp on her property. She denied his request. One morning, she woke up and found that her horse named Ellie was tied up at a different place from where she left him the prior evening. The woman believed that Duyck s%*ually assaulted her horse. A vet also confirmed it. When questioned, Duyck admitted to breaking into the woman's property, and he later admitted to having s%*ual contact with the horse. If convicted, Duyck faces up to 5 years in prison and fines of up to $125,000. *--------------- Killer Strippers ---------------* You can't buy this kind of publicity. How exciting does a stripper have to be to kill a guy? A man from the United Kingdom went to Thailand to enjoy himself only to suffer a massive heart attack and die. 61-year-old James Downing fell over and died while watching women dancing naked at a popular strip club in Bangkok. Multiple women told police that Downing was sitting next to the stage and watching the strippers dancing. He had a foam baton and waved it in the air when he suddenly fell to the floor. At first, people thought that Downing was drunk. Paramedics who arrived at the scene attempted to revive Downing, but their efforts were unsuccessful. He was declared dead at the scene. *--------------- Tarzan He's Not ---------------* A woman was thankful to be reunited with her boyfriend and her cat who were both stuck up a tree. Nichole Ashikis of Norfolk, Virginia, said that she woke up and wanted to feed her cat but her pet was nowhere to be found. Ashikis began searching for the cat and discovered that it had climbed about 50 feet up the tree. Ashikis believes that her cat was up there for about a day and a half. She called PETA and animal control to ask for help, but they do not have services to rescue animals from trees. The worried cat owner's boy- friend, Jeremy Petersen, decided to take matters into his own hands. He climbed up a ladder, but he too soon got stuck in the tall tree and was unable to get down. The couple called 911 and firefighters came to their rescue. They first took Petersen down and then turned their attention to the cat and brought it to safety. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: . \ | / _\|/_ .' ' ' '. ___ _.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-. .'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'` .'.' ||()|()|| .___..-'.' / \ `----'"` / .-. \ (.'.(___).'.) `.__.-.__.' jgs |_| |_| `.`-'.' `"` >Good News and Bad News Two green beans were crossing the highway when one of them was hit by a truck. His buddy scraped him up and rushed him to the hospital. After hours of surgery the doctor came in and said, "I have good news and bad news." The green bean started to rejoice and the doctor said, "The good news is that he's going to live...The bad news is he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life." -<>- >Bathroom Troubles Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps." The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps." Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up." -<>- >Don't Mind Me... Pregnant with my third child and experiencing morning sickness, I was resting on the living-room couch. Workmen were doing some minor repairs in the house. As one walked by, I explained, "Don't mind me. I'm in my first trimester." "Oh," he said. "What's your major?" -<>- >The Formula for Water One day, a young boy was asked by his teacher to tell him what the chemical formula for water was. The boy replied with, "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O". The Teacher was stunned. "That's not right, how did you come up with that?" The boy said, "Last week you said it was H2O!" -<>- Q: What animal has more lives than a cat? A: A frog. It croaks every night. Q: Why did Sally give up on her ballet lessons? A: Because they were too too difficult. >Q and A Quickies Q: Where would you look when purchasing felines via mail order? A: In a Cat-a-log. Q: What kind of school does a carpenter go to? A: Boarding school. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ,-._,,_,-. ((`,-""-.')) |=,'""`.=| |=|O__O|=| ;`-'(__)`-'; ',_ -. _,` > ,`--',-. >; ;=-=\ =| ;,='| =| | ==| =| }`=-| =| |`==| =| ;===| '| | \-. '| \ `--< (=\ \_)-' |=`.___/=| |`=|`=-j=| hjw ,-'`_|`=-|=( (i_,' `==(-=\ (i_i_____)==\ __)`=) (`.`=/ `--' Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library. "You know," said Melba, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don't use the word 'obey' anymore." "Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little humor to the occasion." -<>- In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking. "Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?" I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, "How do you spell 'intellectual?'" -<>- During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" an anonymous voice yelled from the back of the room. Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self- restraint, meekness, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't need if you had stayed single." -<>- My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and regulations that customs officials must follow. But when it comes to the law, well, that's a different story. We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting a smuggler. The judge asked the court, "Who is making these allegations?" My boss stood up and proclaimed, "I am the alligator, your honor." -<>- Pauly walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Pauly, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, eh?" Pauly says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!" Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?" -<>- We had a power outage last week and my computer, TV, and games console shut down immediately. It was raining hard and I couldn't play golf either so I just talked to my wife for a few hours. Seems like a nice person. ========================================================= >-->From TheJokester: ______ ___ _(_____ )__)_ (________ ____) @@@ (________) @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@ @@@@@@@ ||\._ _./| | || \ `-.______.-' / | | || \ / | | || `-._ _.-' | | || `--' | | || | | /|\\|\|| /|||/\\|/||/|\\\/| |\\||//| VK After pulling a farmer over for speeding, a state trooper started to lecture him about his speed, pompously implying that the farmer didn't know any better and trying to make him feel as uncomfortable as possible. He finally started writing out the ticket, but had to keep swatting at some flies buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there are ya?" The trooper paused to take another swat and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they are. I've never heard of circle flies." The farmer was pleased to enlighten the cop. "Circle flies are common on farms. They're called circle flies because you almost always find them circling the back end of a horse." The trooper continues writing for a moment, then says,"Hey, are you trying to call me a horse's behind?" "Oh no, officer." The farmer replies. "I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers for that." "That's a good thing," the officer says rudely, then goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer added, "Hard to fool them flies, though." -<>- >I Am a Princess An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. "Tray-up!" -<>- >Famous Last Words * I'll get a world record for this.. * It's fireproof. * He's probably just hibernating. * What does this button do? * It's probably just a rash. * Are you sure the power is off? * Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it? * The odds of that happening have to be a million to one! * Pull the pin and count to what? * Which wire was I supposed to cut? * I wonder where the mother bear is. * I've seen this done on TV. * These are the good kind of mushrooms. * I'll hold it and you light the fuse. * Let it down slowly. * Rat poison only kills rats. * It's strong enough for both of us. * This doesn't taste right. * I can make this light before it changes. * Nice doggie. * I can do that with my eyes closed. * I've done this before. * Well, we've made it this far. * That's odd. * You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you? * Don't be so superstitious. * Now watch this. ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: ."`". .-./ _=_ \.-. { (,(oYo),) }} {{ | " |} } { { \(---)/ }} {{ }'-=-'{ } } { { }._:_.{ }} {{ } -:- { } } jgs {_{ }`===`{ _} ((((\) (/)))) >What The New Job-Lingo Really Means JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY - We have no time to train you. CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE - We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED - You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED - Some time each night and some time each weekend. DUTIES WILL VARY - Anyone in the office can boss you around. MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL - We have no quality control. CAREER-MINDED - Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way). NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE - We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE - You'll need it to replace three people who just left. PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST - You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS - You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS - Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. -<>- . .. . . . . . . T h i s i s t h e g a l a x y o f . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _________________ ____ __________ . . / | / \ . | \ . / ______ _____| . / \ | ___ | . . \ \ | | / /\ \ | |___> | . \ \ | | / /__\ \ . | _/ . . ________> | | | . / \ | |\ \_______ . | / | | / ______ \ | | \ | |___________/ |___| /____/ \____\ |___| \__________| . . ____ __ . _____ ____ . __________ . _________ \ \ / \ / / / \ | \ / | . \ \/ \/ / / \ | ___ | / ______| . \ / / /\ \ . | |___> | \ \ . \ / / /__\ \ | _/. \ \ + \ /\ / / \ | |\ \______> | . \ / \ / / ______ \ | | \ / . . . \/ \/ /____/ \____\ |___| \____________/ LS . . . . . . . . . . >What Your Favorite Movies Were Almost Called 1. Pretty Woman - was almost called "3000" (the amount of money paid for a week's worth of the hooker's "company"). 2. Back to the Future - was almost called "Spaceman from Pluto" because the studio believed that no movie with the word "future" in the title had ever succeeded at the box office. 3. Tootsie - was almost called "Would I Lie to You?" because of several scripted rewrites. 4. Boys Don't Cry - was almost called "Take It Like a Man", but thanks to a Cure song on the soundtrack "Boys Don't Cry" came out a winner. 5. Help! - was almost called "Eight Arms to Hold You" because Help was already registered so they added an exclamation point. 6. The Grapes of Wrath - was almost called "Route 66" due to the use of the historic highway during filming. 7. Annie Hall - was almost called "Anhedonia" which is the scientific term for the inability to experience pleasure. That's Woody Allen for you. 8. Blazing Saddles - was almost called "Tex X" as a play on civil rights leader Malcolm X. [From mentalfloss.com] ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Rarely Seen Africa!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/africa.html MacGyver - How To Do It!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver.html All Occasion Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/allcar.html Thailand's Tigers!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tiger.html Maxine Humor 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxinehumor2.html Tierpark Leopard Cubs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopardcubs.html Life's Little Oops 11!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops11.html Menu Bloopers!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menubloopers.html Longleat's Monkey Shines!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monkeyshines.html Pandas After The Earthquake!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pandae.html Junkyard Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/junkart.html UPDATED: Moms And Dads INDEX! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/momsanddadsindex.html UPDATED: Fun URL LINKS http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/urls.html -<>- >Please Visit/Follow Me On StumbleUpon: https://tinyurl.com/y7cu2x97 Some of Shangrala's Best Pages http://www.amazfamily.com/index.html -<>- The Most Popular '80s Movie In Every State From Johnjay and Rich: Some of the greatest movies ever made came out during the 80s. The decade was filled with gripping action films, hysterical comedies and striking dramas, and the wizards at HowToWatch.com did enough research to figure out which one of those amazing films is the favorite in each state. https://tinyurl.com/y9cmh322 33 Things That Are Insanely Satisfying (That Shouldn't Be) From Cracked.com: There are entire businesses dedicated to transporting people into a state of pure joy. And the hilarious irony of that is, it's often the dumbest, most mundane things that bring us the most happiness. Bubble wrap. Peeling the plastic off a new smartphone. We asked readers for their best examples of mundane things that are disproportionately satisfying. https://tinyurl.com/y7dcot77 Awkward Family Photos This sites duty is to spread the awkwardness around. Why keep it in the family? http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/ CLUMSY CROOKS Some days you just can't pull off a heist. Ask the crook who nabbed a purse from a lady out walking her poodle and found its only contents to be a bag of dog poop. Or the luckless law-breaker who offered two undercover cops some crack cocaine if they'd give him a lift. This site tells all the hapless stories: like the robber who, after careen- ing out of the bank with a sack of loot, was promptly run over by his getaway driver. Du-uuh. Didn't his mother teach him to look both ways? http://www.clumsycrooks.com/ Only in Korea - Seoul's Meerkat Cafe! In all of our years of living in South Korea, we've experienced dog cafes, cat cafes, cafes where fish eat the dead skin off of your feet, sheep cafes, and even last year's latest: Raccoon Cafes. Recently, though, on a trip to Hongdae, we stumbled across an advertisement for the most ridiculous of the animal cafes we've heard of in Seoul: a Meerkat Cafe! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRbynzaY_gc An owl is cute and funny. Owls are awesome. Check out these funny owls and cute owls in this funny and cute owl videos compilation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYOSKYWg-5E The Glass couldn't stop it - in other words - 'If I could, I'd get you and hurt you - I am a wild animal!' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0FQjcu7eiY The Hunger Site - Free click to give - use the Greater Good banner for more items to 'free click to give to': https://tinyurl.com/y8qwjas8 -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) A compilation of lucky moments involving cars, motorcycles, basketball players, soccer players and even bank robbers... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD19Os5oUTg --- ...Oh My! Hard to watch! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Smartest State in the USA https://www.truthorfiction.com/missouri-illegal-aliens/ --- ...Wow! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "This weekend is the 80th birthday of Superman. Now that he's 80, Superman is rendered helpless by Kryptonite and his email password." -Conan O'Brien "A group of scientists in Singapore built a robot that can put together Ikea furniture. That's when you know something's wrong, when it's easier to build a robot than an Ikea dresser." -Jimmy Fallon "You know how sometimes when priests go to the Vatican they bring gifts for the Pope from their home region? Recently, a priest from Kentucky decided to give Pope Francis 10 bottles of whiskey. He got 10 bottles of whiskey, which explains why this morning's 9 a.m. Mass was held at 2 p.m." -James Corden "In Florida, an 87-year-old man has donated 100 gallons of blood throughout his lifetime. And the weird thing is, only half of it is his." -Conan O'Brien "Today, Prince William and Kate Middleton welcomed their third child, a baby boy. A lot of people were betting on the name of the new royal baby. And those people have a name too--they're called gambling addicts." -Jimmy Fallon "A Colorado woman was given an apple on her flight home from Paris, she put it in her bag and forgot about it, and now she's facing a $500 fine for not declaring it at customs. I'd be suspicious of this woman, too. I mean, who eats an apple at the airport when there's a Cinnabon right there?" -James Corden "Old Navy has announced plans to open 60 more stores this year. This is great news for guys who say, 'I love khakis, but I just wish they fell apart faster.'" -Conan O'Brien "A man who was bitten by a shark, a bear, and a rattlesnake in less than four years and survived. The man thanked God he's still alive, while God said, 'What do I have to do to nail this guy?'" -Jimmy Fallon "According to a new report, Amazon is working on a robot that follows its owner around the house. It's basically an Alexa on wheels. This is going to be a hot item. Here's how you get one: You leave your Alexa and your Roomba alone in a bedroom and let nature take its course." -James Corden "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas A. Edison "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." - George Carlin "The price of greatness is responsibility." --Sir Winston Churchill >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************