She Was So Blonde And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This one comes from not one or two or even three but from five of our friends! Tells me I needed to get busy! It is a wonderful one just in time for Spring from Linda, Genann, LouiseA, Karen and Bunni. Give it time to load and check it out here... .-. ,-( o )-. ( o )-( o ) .-\-'.|,`-/-. .-. ( o )--*--( o ) ,-( o )-. `-/-.'|`,-\-' ( o )-( o ) ( o )-( o ) .-\-'.|,`-/-. `-( o )-' _( o )--*--( o ) `-' \/_/ `-/-.'|`,-\-' __ | ( o )-( o ) \_\| .'`-( o )-' | .'\ `-' |/ |\ __ | \| \_\| | Beautiful Rare Flowers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rareflowers.html --- ...I love the monkey flowers and the gorgeous rose! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Just Call Me Earl , __ _.-"` `'-. /||\'._ __{}_( This guy was driving down the highway and |||| |'--.__\ was pulled over by the cops. The cop asked | L.( ^_\^ the man for his name and the guy replied, \ .-' | _ | "Earl." | | )\___/ | \-'`:._] "You got a last name, Earl?" \__/; '-. | |o __ \ "Nope. It's a long story, Officer." | |o )( | jgs | |o \/ \ "I got time." Earl sighs and says, "Well, Officer, at first I was known as Earl Doo- Daa. I was going to school to become a doctor, and I did, so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD. I got bored just being a doctor so I went to dental school, graduated, and became Earl Doo-Daa, M.D., D.D. After a little more time I fooled around with this girl and got VD. So I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD, DD, with VD. When the medical board found out about my VD they took away my MD so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, DD with VD. The dentistry board also found out about the VD and took away my DD making me Earl Doo-Dah with VD. Finally, the VD took away my Doo-Dah so I'm now just Earl." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ April 7 is International Beaver Day, No Housework Day April 8 is Draw A Bird Day, International Roma Day April 9 is National Cherish An Antique Day April 10 is National Sibling Day, Safety Pin Day April 11 is Barbershop Quartet Day, International "Louie Louie" Day April 12 is D.E.A.R. Day (aka Drop Everything And Read) April 13 is Scrabble Day, World Youth Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: . . . . . ) \ ( ( / / ' ) ) \ ( './ / ._.) \ '.-.' \ (\ /' _) '( . -_.' | | | ||| --------. _____|||_____ '. / \ | | | | \ ___________/ ._| / \ / ' | |--' \ ____________/ / \ | | \ ___________/ / \ | | \ ___________/ ||| ||| || Julus | >Anything Else? As a waitress, I stopped at a table to see if anyone needed anything. The mother seated there asked, "May I have some more dressing for my salad?" "Anything else?" I replied thinking I could avoid making two trips. The little girl at the table knew how to take a hint. "Please," she added. -<>- >Cosmetics Joe's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Joe replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. "Hey, wait a minute!" Joe interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet." -<>- >Overweight A new report suggests that being overweight is not as harmful as is commonly believed, and actually confers some surprising benefits. Being five to ten pounds overweight could protect people from ailments ranging from tuberculosis to Alzheimer's disease, research indicates. Those carrying 15 to 25 extra pounds are better able to recover from adverse conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia, and various injuries and infections, states the report. Thirty to forty pounds of flab could help fend off breast, kidney, pancreatic, prostate, and colon cancer. And an extra fifty pounds on the scale may improve eyesight, reverse baldness, cure the common cold, and reduce global warming. In general, the report concludes, overweight people are happier, more successful in business, smarter, and friendlier. -<>- >Qualified A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The man, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said; "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine." -<>- >Strengths and Weaknesses A job applicant was asked, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?" "Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality--sometimes I have a little trouble telling what's real from what's not." "Okay," said the interviewer. "And what are your strengths?" "I'm Batman." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) Time to smile........... / | | | | | Have you been playing | | | | | on Daddys computer again?| |__|__| | ( ; ; ) .). __ '| , |' qPjPp (\/) Shake! | | | (@) ;)'" | | | //v\// |__|__| (;,;#;, ,--,_ __ .--& | &--. __(;/";))____-O--o'___('_)-_(______|______)_-[= ############################################### >Kid Smiles NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!' OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. It read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.' KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now, she's hitting the bottle. MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?' POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?' POLICE #2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do? ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!' DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.' DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.' SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!' BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!' --- ...'Chuckles' Aren't kids cute! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- ,,,,,,,,,,---''''---,,,,,,,,,, --'''''''' ````]['''' ''''''''-- _3'''':. _ .,---------------. \\ / _________./ |[__]| o |J@"\\__ \\==o=========:; |____|[IL__|''''/_/') / `'-,._____===\=_____.,-' \ \ , """""""""""""""""""""" >More SMILES A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to descend. The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them. Just then a man gets out if his seat and runs over to open the door. The pilots screams at him, "Didn't you hear what I said, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed?!". "Of course I heard you", the man replied, "but it's also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out!!" -<>- .##. __________________________ |::| | |oooooo (<>) L_Y_Y_Y_Y_Y_Y_Y_Y_YL______ .JL,_. | |oooooo ((oYo \\ L_h_h_hih_h_h_h_h__L______ ||} { ))| H |oooooo _______Y_//_)__(_((L_h_Y__Hh_h_h_h_h__L______ Y--------///()))---------------------------- | "(("^//"` | \\(( | )) | //\\_ ~' ~ kg >She was soooooooooooooo blonde... ... she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. ... she thought a quarterback was a refund. ... she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order ... she thought Boyz II Men was a day-care center. ... she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools. ... she thought General Motors was in the Army. ... she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. ... she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. ... under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics". ... she tried to drown a fish. ... she tripped over a cordless phone. ... she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate". ... she got stabbed in a shoot-out. ... she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK". ... they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade. ... at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius". ... she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. ... it takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes". ... she studied for a blood test-and failed. ... she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train". ... she sold the car for gas money. ... when she saw the movie rating "NC-17: under 17 not admitted", she went home and got 16 friends. ... when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. ... she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. ... when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. ... when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left", she turned around and went home. ... she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. -<>- __________ |DAILY NEWS| |&&& ======| |=== ======| |=== == %%$| |[_] ======| |=== ===!##| ejm97 |__________| >Allegedly Actual Classified Ads: Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale 3-year-old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00 For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. Great Dames for sale. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend Karen :) _ _.--. __ _ | | ) \ `.,' \| | | | (`' | : | | | _..-.-.-.-._ ) ,),'. | | | |('. __..-' ) ) ) ) ) )``-' _.-| \ | | | | \ `...------''``--'''' \ )_____....--- ,'' ; | | |_(_..-......_________..._,-'_,..__....____..-'.._________..'| | | |____________________________________________________________| | __|_|_________________________________________________________SSt|_|__ An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an Internal Revenue Service agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled because the pastor had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them. Finally, the Lawyer asked, Pastor, why did you ask the two of us to come here? The old pastor mustered all his strength, and then said weakly, Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I'd like to go. --- ...Ooo - that was bad! TeeHee! Thanks Karen! -<>- _ .-. .--''` ) _ | |/` .-'` ( `\ /` _) _. -'._ /` .' .-.-; `).' / \ \ (`, \_o/_o/__ / .-''` ``'-. { /` ,___.--''` { ; '-. \ \ _ _ { |'-....-`'.\_\ / './ '. \ \ `"` _ \ \ | \ \ ( '-.J \_..----.._ __) `\--..__ .-` ` `\ ''--...--. (_,.--""`/` .- `\ .__ _) | ( } .__ _) \_, '. }_ - _.' \_, '. } `'--' '._. ,_) / | / .' \ | _ .-' \__/;--.||-' _|| _||__ __ _ __.-` "`)(` `" ```._) jgs (_`,- ,-' `''-. '-._) ( ( / '.__.' `"`'--' >[An Et-Ahem!} THE CHICKEN FARM . . . John was in the egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters to fertilize them. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells. John's favorite rooster, "Obama", was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed Obama's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. To John's amazement, Obama had thought of a way to do it without ANY work . . . He had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Obama, he entered him in the Chicago County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded Obama the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly Obama was a politician. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention. --- ...AGAIN! Oh My! LOL! Thanks Karen! =============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From Our Friend PatDeE :) "THE MAGICAL, MYTHICAL, SEVEN MILLION" and "THE CHURCHILLS: WARD & WINSTON" We have heard Obama blathering for so long about seven million sign-ups to the Affordable Care Act being a sure sign of success that, like the audience at a magic show, we have fallen for the misdirection that is the secret of every magician’s sleight-of-hand. Read More... http://tinyurl.com/mkmp4t2 --- ...yeppers - most Interesting! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From BizarreNews: Now here is a bad day. A senior-living housing complex clerk named Ronald Benjamin found a "human shape" lying on a patio when he stepped out for a smoke. Since it was April Fools' Day he assumed it was a mannequin left out as a gag and ignored it. Two hours later, another complex employee asked Benjamin about the shape, and he assured her it was just a prank. It was when the newspaper boy and his mother came to deliver the papers and asked about the body that's when Benjamin finally decided to do something about it. Enlisting the boy's help they picked the figure up and chucked it into a nearby dumpster. Since this is Bizarre News I think you can guess where this story is going. It wasn't until later that night that a maintenance worker looked into the dumpster realized that it was actually the body of a resident who had jumped to her death in the night. "I'm telling you, I swear to God, the face looked like a rubber mask," Benjamin told the press. "If I thought for one instant it was a real person I would have called the police." Apparently Mr. Benjamin has never touched a mannequin before (or a woman). Fortunately for him, being an idiot is not a crime. Police said they believe his account and are not planning any criminal charges, however Benjamin was fired from his position by the complex. *-- Michigan police are on the lookout for a 'mystery pooper' --* YPSILANTI, Mich. - Michigan police are still searching for a "mystery pooper" who has been using children's slides at a popular park as their bathroom for about half a year. The unknown suspect has been defecating on slides at Ypsilanti's Prospect Park at such a frequent rate that police have installed a hidden camera. The head of the Friends of Prospect Park, council Member Pete Murdock, called the purposeful pooping "weird and deliberate." "We most definitely need to get this under control before school (recess) and park season starts," Murdock told the Ann Arbor News. "It's hard to deal with because it's so unbelievable to begin with. When somebody called me and told me what happened I said 'What? You gotta be kidding me!'" According to Murdock, the deliberate defecator usually strikes at night. "We have a problem in Prospect Park with a miscreant that does not understand the difference between a children's playground slide and a toilet," Ypsilanti Police Chief Tony DeGiusti wrote in an email to his staff. "Apparently this extremely misguided individual feels the need to defecate on the slide despite the cold weather. This has been an ongoing problem at this location. Please make frequent checks in the area and record them on your daily log." The Friends of the Prospect Park may stake out the park once the weather warms up. "We need to get him or her and get them the help they need," Murdock said. *-- Woman left by lover after falling down a well during love making --* CIUDAD REAL, Spain - Paul Simon missed this one in "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover." Spanish police are hoping to speak to a man who allegedly left 21-year-old Edelia Aponte at the bottom of a well after she fell in while they were making love. Aponte got stuck in the water at the bottom of the 15-foot hole for about a half hour after failing to notice that the wood covering the well's opening was loose. Police found out about the young woman's situation after they received an anonymous phone call alerting them about her whereabouts. It's possible that the man, whom she had only just met that evening, placed the call. If Ciudad Real police are able to track him down, the man could be charged with failing to aid someone in need of assistance. Firefighters rescued Aponte from the well and she was taken to a hospital and treated for hypothermia. "It could have ended in tragedy," fire service spokesman Leni Portillo told El Crisol de Ciudad Real. "Luckily, she could swim and she wasn't knocked out as she fell." *-- Busted for drinking and driving? There's an app for that --* Although it would be preferable to never have to use it, motorists who get pulled over for drinking and driving can now rely on the "Oh Crap App" for help. The app, which was created by an Iowa law firm, is designed to "educate the public regarding their legal rights when being investigated for a criminal offense." The "DUI Defense App" also has "the emergency 'Oh Crap' button designed to be used in emergency situations where a person is being stopped or questioned by law enforcement." Pressing the button dispenses advice like "The less you say the better," and also starts a voice recorder to tape any potentially incriminating conversations. "One of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking that they know their rights," Bob Rehkemper, an attorney and co-creator of the smartphone app, told KCRG. "That initial interaction is documented and is recorded so it's not a matter of what somebody remembers, or he said, she said." Any conversations the app captures are uploaded to a secure server for later access. The app has been downloaded about 4,000 times already and is available for both Apple and Google smartphones. "People end up in positions, and their rights become very important to them, to their family members, to their children. That's the purpose of this app, to understand what they do, and what they don't have to do," Rehkemper said. (UPI) *-- Darth Vader announces he is running for president of Ukraine --* A fresh face on the political scene in Ukraine is hoping the country will be open to embracing the power of the dark side. Darth Vader of Star Wars fame has announced he is running for the presidency of Ukraine as a candidate for the Ukrainian Internet Party. "I alone can make an empire out of a republic, to restore former glory, to return lost territories and pride for this country," Vader said in a statement released by the UIP. The party, founded by Dmitry Golubov, is looking to eliminate the use of paper and create a "government by Internet." The party was officially registered in 2010. "After winning intra-party primaries by a landslide, comrade Vader will be our party's candidate," Golubov said. According to the UIP, Vader won three percent of the votes in 2012 parliamentary elections. The Voice of Russia said Vader is a candidate "whose force should definitely not be underestimated." Ukraine's presidential election will be held on May 25. (UPI) ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _.. /}_{\ /.-' ( a a )-.___...-'/ ==._.== ; \ i _..._ /, {_;/ {_// fsc Our cat, Figaro, comes home between 10 or 11 at night to eat. If he's late, I turn on the carport light and call him until he appears. One day my daughter was explaining to a friend where we live, and her friend said, "Is that anywhere near the house where the woman stands on her steps late at night and sings opera?" -<>- 'Writing: For the Sell of It' was the theme of our community college's annual writers' conference. When I called a widely published author and asked him to be our keynote speaker, my request was met with a long silence. He finally said, "I don't know what I would say to that audience." "You're just being modest," I replied. "I'm sure you're ex- tremely qualified to speak on that subject." He suddenly broke into laughter. "I thought you said, 'Writing for the Celibate!'" -<>- One of our patients wasn't taking any chances. Prior to her operation, she taped notes to her body for the surgeon... "Take your time," "Don't cut yourself," "No need to rush," "Wash your hands..." After surgery, as I helped the patient back into her bed, we discovered a new note taped to her, this one from the doctor, "Has anyone seen my wristwatch?" -<>- I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of our employees. After reviewing the different plans and monthly deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000 worth of life insurance. But he had one last question. "Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect the money?" -<>- ._ .-' `-. .-' \ ; .-'\ ; `._.' ; | | | ; : ; : ; : / / ; : , ; | .-"7| .-'" : .-' .' : .-' \ .' .' `. .' `-. ""-.-'`"" `",`-._..--"7 ; . `-.J `-, ;"`.;|,_, ; _.' | `"" `. ."""--. o \:.-. _.' ."" : ,--`; , `--/}o,' ; ; .___.' / ,--.`-. `-..7_.- /_ \ : `..__.._; .'__; `---..__.-'-.`"-, .' `--. | \_; \' `-._.-") \\ `-, `. -.`_): `. `-"""`. ;__.' ;/ ; " `-.__7" `-..._.'`7 -._;' ``"-'' `--.,__.' fsc >Helpful Tips to Make Life Simple [NOT!] * Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know. * Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. * Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally. * No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off. * Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected). * If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed. * Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall. -<>- An elderly patient paid me a wonderful compliment. "You're beautiful," she said. I must have looked skeptical because she was quick to assure me that she was sincere. "It's just that I rarely hear flattering comments about my looks," I explained. She smiled understandingly. "That's because you're fat. But it doesn't mean you aren't pretty." -<>- Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway. "You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years." -<>- ,. ,_> `. ,'; ,-`' `' '`'._ ,,-) ---._ | .---''`-),. ,' `. \ ; / _,' `, ,--' ____ \ ' ,' ___ `-, _> /--. `-. .-'.--\ \__ '-, ( `. `.,`~ \~'-. ,' ,' ) _\ _> \ \ ,' ') ) `. / / <,. ,-' _, \ ,' ( / `. / `-, `-.,-' `.,' ` `.,' `\ ,-' ,' _ / ,,, ,,, \ `-. `-._ /-, ,' ; ' _ \ / _ ` ; `. `(`-\ /-, ; (o) (o) ; `'`, ,~-' ,-' \ ' ` / \ <_ /-. ,' \ / \ ,-' '`, ,' `-/ \-' `. `-. < /_ / / (_ _) \ \ `, `-._; ,' | .::.`-.-' :.. | `-. _\ _/ \ `:: ,^. :.:' / `. \,-' '`. ,-' /`-..-'-.-`-..-'\ `-. >_ / ; (\/( ' )\/) ; `-. _< ,-' `. \`-^^^-'/ ,' \ _< `-, ,' `. `"""""' ,' `-. <`' ') `._.,,_.' \ ,-' '._ '`'`' \ < > ,' , `-. <`' `,/ \ ,-` `, ,' | / / '; / ; ( _)| ` ( `') .-' <_ \ / hjw \ /\( `;/ ` A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?" The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife." "What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. "My ex-wife." replied the hunter. ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: ///"\ |6 6| \ - / .@@@. __) (__ @6 6@/ \./ \ @ = @ : : : \ _) (_'| : |) ) /' \./ '\ : |_/ / /\ _ /\ \=o==|) \ \ ) (/ /%|%%' '7/ \7%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | | %%|%% |_.._| /_|_\ pjb >Laws of Life: * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five. * Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed. * The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. * Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens. * First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing some- thing else. * Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references. * Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale. * The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag. * Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot. -<>- _____ / _))) / / 6 6 ( ( \ / ,' __= What? / _ ) /_ ) ( /\__~__|( /\/__)__) ) ( /\ (_ \| \__'/ \ :o / \ /\ _/ ) \/ | >Not Their Brightest Moments... I saw a lady at work today putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as to what she was doing and she said she was shopping on the internet, and they asked for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy". Tech Support: "What does the screen say now.." Person: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support: "Well?" Person: "How do I know when it's ready?" Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. "What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies. I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large new motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went in back to make a sandwich. After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?" I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there. I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed. The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "Why on earth are blind people driving?" ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Detroit Autorama http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/detroitauto.html Pucker Up, Baby! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babypucker.html Men Will Be Boys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html MacGyver - How To Do It 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver3.html Life's Little Oops 8! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops8.html Volvo Lego Car! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/legocar.html Undersea Restaurant! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html World's Best Husband! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/husbands.html Thoughts Into Action! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action.html Baby Thoughts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babythoughts.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) "Gravity" was a harrowing thrill-ride of a film where every bad situation kept getting worse and worse! Even when you thought Sandra Bullock had hit rock-bottom, there was always another deadly peril right around the corner. If only she'd had a hero to save her - the movie would have been a lot shorter. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Gw79smKZB9E "A Boy and His Dog" is the wonderful story of a little boy named Owen and his dog Haatchi. Owen is seven years old and has a very rare generic disorder called Schwartz Jampel Syndrome that leaves his muscles in a constant state of tension. His Dog Haatchi is a rescue dog who has bonded with Owen like only a dog can. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ZIXoYHYEnkg --- ...Heartwarming! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) A Hummingbird's tongue works... http://www.evolutionnews.org/2013/06/the_genius_of_b073491.html --- ...Wowsers! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "If women have excessive belly fat and a muffin-top, it can be fatal. Especially if you mention it to her." -Jay Leno "It's hot in August. August got its name from the Roman emperor, August. Augustus must have been a good emperor because he got a whole month named after him. All Julius Caesar got was a salad." -Craig Ferguson "More Americans can name the three stooges than the three branches of government. Well, that's because the three stooges are more likely to get something done." -David Letterman "A school in New Zealand discovered that a model skeleton for an anatomy class was actually a real human skeleton. Yeah, they made the realization when they noticed they hadn't seen their anatomy teacher in about eight months." -Jimmy Fallon "Health experts have named Mississippi the fattest state in the Union. The state bird of Mississippi? The fried chicken." -Jay Leno "This week in New Zealand, a man who lost his wedding ring in the ocean found it in the water over a year later. The man says the most amazing thing about the story is that his wife fell for it." -Conan O'Brien A farmer in Idaho unknowingly watered and fertilized more than 300 marijuana plants. He should have realized something was up when his alarm went off and his rooster was like, 'Bro, I'm trying to sleep over here!'" -Jimmy Fallon "Just the other day I sent the girlfriend a huge pile of snow...I rang her up and said, 'Did you get my drift?'" --Peter Kay "Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." --Wendell Johnson "There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terres- trial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all." --Ogden Nash --- Back In Time 2005 Quotes --- "Researchers at an Austrian university are facing ethics charges for using human corpses as crash test dummies. See, that's what happens if you don't have a good Social Security system - you have to keep working even after you're dead." --Jay Leno "The average price of gas is now $2.11 a gallon, and here in California, it’s $2.30 a gallon. Here in L.A., it is liter- ally cheaper to buy a new car than to fill your gas tank. Oprah tried to give away a car to someone in her studio audience today, and the woman spit in her face." --Jimmy Kimmel >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************