Sheriff Darwin Awards And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first scorcher is from our friend Geniann. So beautiful and heartwarming I couldn't resist sharing it with all of you. Check this one out here... /T /I / |/ | .-~/ T\ Y I |/ / _ /T | \I | I Y.-~/ I l /I T\ | | l | T / T\ | \ Y l /T | \I l \ ` l Y __ | \l \l \I l __l l \ ` _. | \ ~-l `\ `\ \ \\ ~\ \ `. .-~ | \ ~-. "-. ` \ ^._ ^. "-. / \ | .--~-._ ~- ` _ ~-_.-"-." ._ /._ ." ./ >--. ~-. ._ ~>-" "\\ 7 7 ] ^.___~"--._ ~-{ .-~ . `\ Y . / | <__ ~"-. ~ /_/ \ \I Y : | ^-.__ ~(_/ \ >._: | l______ ^--.,___.-~" /_/ ! `-.~"--l_ / ~"-. (_/ . ~( /' "~"--,Y -=b-. _) (_/ . \ : / l c"~o \ \ / `. . .^ \_.-~"~--. ) (_/ . ` / / ! )/ / / _. '. .': / ' ~(_/ . / _ ` .-<_ /_/ . ' .-~" `. / \ \ ,z=. ~( / ' : | K "-.~-.______// "-,. l I/ \_ __{--->._(==. //( \ < ~"~" // /' /\ \ \ ,v=. (( .^. / /\ " }__ //===- ` / / ' ' "-.,__ {---(==- .^ ' : T ~" ll -Row / . . . : | :! \\ (_/ / | | j-" ~^ ~-<_(_.^-~" Feeding The Eagles http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglefeeding.html --- ...So Stunning! Thanks Geniann! Our next hot tottie page comes from our friend PatDeE. Now this one has lots of glamorous beauty. The photography is quite awesome. Give this one time to load and check it out here... ^ ,' \ L""/ ` | J | J L | | . , | |.`v_L.' // ,>-(-\'_ \`' \ - /-. / /`""| ),' `- ( ,-' \ ) ,' ,' h / / / `)--.. \/ / \ <) < , L<' F/ _/ ,' L ,-' \ | ___L / ( F J ___,' L | ,' | F ,' | (_,--..__ mt-2|_ ,' `"`--.._\ ,' / \ / (_ (diddled by b'ger} New York At Night http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyork.html --- ...Wow! Lots of Ooos and Awwws here! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Hiring A New Cashier .::::, {{{{{;}}}} The bank manager was in the final stages of {{{{/ `}}}}} hiring a cashier and was down to two final {}}}}} _ _| applicants -- one of which would get the job. {{(`--(./-\.) {| _\ | The first one interviewed was from a small | \ __ / college in upstate New York. A nice young man, | '.__/ but a bit timid. .'` \ |_ jgs '-__ / `- Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale." "That's very good ... excellent. Your hired!" "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called." Jim answered" I don't care ...Yim ... or Mr. Yonson." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ April 22 is National Jelly Bean Day April 23 is Read Me Day and World Laboratory Animal Day April 24 is National Pigs In A Blanket Day April 25 is National Zucchini Bread Day April 26 is Richter Scale Day and National Pretzel Day April 27 is Tell A Story Day April 28 is Great Poetry Reading Day and Kiss-Your-Mate Day ======================================================= __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' >-->Top 12 2012 Sheriff Darwin Awards: Darwin Awards are presented unofficially and arbitrarily to those cases, culled from the files of the Sonoma Police Department and the Sonoma County Sheriff’s Office, that represent the highest level of low-functioning behavior by people whose actions may retard the forward progress of human evolution. Thursday, Jan. 12: 12:57 a.m. – So near and yet so far. When a 27-year-old Sonoma woman left her cellphone in the bathroom of a Plaza bar, someone apparently offered it a new home in an apartment complex in the 700 block of First Street West. The woman assumed that was where her phone ended up because she tracked it their via its built-in GPS. But while global positioning provided an address, it did not provide an apartment number. So the cellphone owner called police to report it stolen and asked to have it recovered. When a police officer arrived at the scene he discovered there were several apartments at the address and, given the very early morning hour, he declined to rouse all the residents and search every apartment. The cellphone owner, however, insisted, and her insistence, according to the police report, became boisterous and belligerent, prompting the officer to ask how she had arrived at the apartment complex. She said she drove, indicating the 2006 Honda Ridgeline parked nearby. The officer conducted a field sobriety test, the woman registered a .109 blood alcohol level, and was cited for DUI. She was released to a sober friend, still minus her cell phone. Monday, Jan. 16: 9:56 a.m. – And while you’re here… Police responded five times to 9-1-1 calls from an 81-year-old woman in the 600 block of First Street West. The first three times she asked to be picked up off the floor. The second two times she wanted police to change her TV channel. Officers asked dispatch to explain to the woman the meaning of the word “emergency.” Thursday, Feb. 16 6:15 p.m. – ‘Am I going to jail?’ ‘Yes you are.’ A 30-year-old frequent flyer, arrested so many times that he has been charged with violating the terms of a probation imposed when he violated a previous probation that was itself imposed for being drunk in the Plaza, was spotted by a police officer staggering along West Napa Street, less than a block from the Plaza. Since the officer knew that the staggering transient was still on probation from a previous arrest, and that the terms of that probation included the prohibition against possessing or consuming alcohol, he stopped to more precisely verify the man’s condition. When he shined his flashlight on the unsteady flyer it was instantly clear the man was heavily intoxicated. Extremely familiar with the routine by now, the serial probation violator asked the officer, “Am I going to go to jail?” “Yes you are,” the officer replied. Whereupon, instead of turning to be cuffed as the officer instructed, the man pulled a bottle of Skye vodka out of his backpack and raised it to his lips for a final slug before the inevitable incarceration. The officer, in turn, swung his flashlight, deftly smashing the vodka bottle, and then cuffed the disappointed tippler and placed him in the patrol car for a trip to the county jail. Sunday, April 15: 1:48 p.m. – Unwise storage site. Not all Darwin awards go to lawbreakers. Sometimes their victims demonstrate equal levels of ignorance. A guest at a downtown motel told police his Toyota FJ Cruiser had been broken into sometime during the previous night. When he went to the car at 8:20 the next morning, he told police, he discovered that a 17-inch Mac Powerbook was missing, along with a Qualcom digital tablet, an iPod, two silver mini-RAID drives, an iPad, a Canon 5D camera, a Canon 24-105 lens, a Canon 100 macro lens, a Canon 70-200 lens (all of them Canon’s ‘L’ series, professional lenses), a Swiss Army knife and a white plastic shopping bag with an X-Acto knife inside. The 53-year-old victim, from Ojai, told police he had left the Toyota locked overnight. There was no sign of forced entry to the vehicle. The loss was estimated at $10,000. Tuesday, April 17: 9:28 a.m. – Wire woman. Police received a report that someone was trying to steal wire in broad daylight from a West MacArthur Street construction site. The reporting party described a white male with a white SUV. When police arrived at the site they did not see a white SUV or a white male, but they did see a Hispanic female pulling a 124-foot section of wire through the site. When police asked her what she was doing, the woman dropped the wire and said she was “just moving it,” according to the police report. She didn’t explain where or why. The woman denied knowing a white man who might recently have been at the site, but claimed she had seen a man in a white truck who left. The woman said she was in the area because her car battery had died somewhere near Sonoma Valley Hospital, but she wasn’t sure quite where. A background check revealed that 30-year-old Megan Figueroa, of Petaluma, was on probation for burglary and had an outstanding warrant from Contra Costa County. She was arrested for attempted grand theft of wire, the probation violation and the warrant, and because of her probation status, which allows search and seizure, the arresting officer called a Petaluma Sheriff’s deputy to conduct a search of her Petaluma home. There, deputies found a methadone pill, some hydrocodone pills, for which there were no prescriptions, and a glass pipe with methamphetamine residue. In the garage they found several lengths of plastic-coated wire, stripped copper wire and, in the bed of a Toyota pickup, numerous brass couplings and wire strippers. Property crimes detectives from the sheriff’s office were able to identify some of the items as belonging to PG&E. Figueroa was booked into the Sonoma County jail with additional charges of possessing controlled substances and controlled substance paraphernalia. Tuesday, June 19: 5:36 p.m. - Eggs at 10 paces. A 50-year-old Sonoma man and his 53-year-old fiancé employed a unique set of weapons when their domestic dispute turned physical. Police were called by the woman’s daughter and when they arrived, they found both combatants heavily egged and dripping yolks and bits of shell. As the story emerged, it appeared that the female partner, who had driven the man home after finishing some grocery shopping, had refused his request for a ride in the car, because he had no license after a DUI conviction. The ensuing argument got heated, the recently purchased eggs came readily to hand and an exchange of projectiles followed. The man allegedly tried to push the woman’s head to the floor and, although neither party wanted to press charges, police were obliged to arrest the male partner as dictated by domestic violence protocol. Tuesday, July 10: 2 a.m.–Beer foray unravels for Valley trio Running out of beer before dawn can lead to bad judgment, especially if you’re only 15. So it was with three thirsty souls – aged 15, 21 and 23 – who decided to rectify their brew deficit and slake their thirsts with an impromptu, apparently impulsive and poorly-planned visit to Safeway. According to the police report, the 15-year-old instructed his older associates to stop outside the store while he went inside and conducted an after-hours extraction. Moments later, the jamming juvenile came running out the front door with a case of Budweiser, a case of Corona and a Safeway employee in pursuit. There was a brief altercation with the employee before the fleet-footed beer snatcher hopped into the car and the trio pulled away, leaving the Safeway clerk with a clear view of the black Chevy Malibu. The description was quickly passed to police who caught up with the car on Fifth Street West near Verano Avenue. When an officer arrived, the driver was out of the car and standing by the open trunk emitting alcohol fumes from his lungs. As additional officers arrived, the driver was asked to perform some field sobriety tests, on which he did poorly. A preliminary breath test produced a blood alcohol level of .147, at which point he was handcuffed and charged with DUI. In the backseat of the Malibu, meanwhile, sat the 15-year-old with two cases of beer. The Safeway employee was escorted to the scene where he positively identified the teen as the one who had struggled with him and threatened bodily harm. The young suspect denied any involvement in the alleged crime, which prompted a police officer to show him a photo from the security camera showing him exiting the store with two cases of beer in his arms. Confronted with this evidence, the suspect, suggested, “F*** you.” Questioned further about his threats to the store employee, the indignant youngster explained, “I only said, ‘I’ll beat the f*** out of you.’” Further investigation revealed the would-be thief was on probation and wearing a GPS ankle monitor. The three master criminals – the 23-year-old driver from Boyes Hot Springs, the 21-year old passenger from Agua Caliente and the 15-year-old mastermind from Sonoma – were charged with conspiracy to commit a crime and robbery. The two adults were booked into the Sonoma County jail and the juvenile was taken to juvenile hall. Wednesday, July 18: 7:02 p.m. – Never annoy a police dog. A canine police unit was assisting with an investigation at Jamie Lee Lane near Polly Lane in the Springs, when officers heard agitated barking from the back of the canine unit and the sound of someone banging on the vehicle where the dog was confined. When officers responded to the noise they found a 29-year-old El Verano man yelling at the dog, “Shut the f*** up.” Police approached the man and detained him, while discovering he smelled strongly of alcohol. A search of his person produced a piece of plastic bag containing .04 grams of cocaine. Police charged Paul Anthony Garcia with felony possession of cocaine, misdemeanor annoying of a police dog and misdemeanor being drunk in public. He was booked into the county jail. Saturday, Aug. 4: 4 a.m. – The case of the shape-shifting stranger After responding four times in one night – the last time at 4 a.m. – to a report from a resident of Fryer Creek Drive that a suspicious man was sleeping on his lawn, Sonoma police conducted a more thorough questioning of the reporting party. The alleged victim of the nocturnal trespass said that a strange man had been curled up on the grass at one side of his front door. The resident explained that when he turned his head away for a moment, and then looked back, the man had somehow disappeared. Then, after looking away and back a second time, the man would mysteriously reappear. This happened numerous times, he explained to police, who had begun to notice a strong chemical odor emanating from the alleged victim. They also noticed, upon close examination, that the man’s pupils were heavily dilated. Those observations led officers to ask if, by chance, the man had been smoking methamphetamine. As a matter of fact, the man responded, he had been smoking meth earlier in the evening. Finding no evidence of a shape-shifting stranger about the resident’s home, police concluded he was hallucinating and charged the 40-year-old Sonoma man with being under the influence of a controlled substance and booked him into the Sonoma County jail. Friday, Sept. 14 9:20 p.m. – Can this marriage be saved? That question has been a staple feature of the Ladies Home Journal for decades, a magazine probably not read by a San Mateo couple who had a rather public marriage test at the Lodge at Sonoma, involving a small dog, a hot tub, a missing bikini top, quite a lot of alcohol and, allegedly, some mutual punches to the face. Sonoma police were called to investigate a case of domestic battery and arrived to find a very intoxicated man lying on the grass with a hotel security guard standing over him. The man’s wife was taking refuge in a nearby room, but not a room the two had rented. Questioned about what happened, the 33-year-old wife told police she and her husband were having drinks at the bar when she decided to go to the facility’s outdoor hot tub while her husband stayed behind. She said that when she got into the hot tub she decided to take the top of her bathing suit off and had done so when her husband arrived, saw her topless, became enraged, grabbed her by the hair, pulled her out of the water and punched her two or three times in the face. Police said the woman had a bloody lip and was also quite drunk. When officers questioned the husband, he explained he had been drinking at the bar with his wife when she got up and ran off. He said his wife had once attempted suicide so, out of concern, he followed her to a room – again, not their own – into which she had locked herself. Fearing that she might be at risk, the man explained, he proceeded to kick the door in. At that point, the husband reported, his wife yelled at him to “get the f*** out of here,” and hit him in the face. He then hit her, he said, and walked away. But there was at least one more version of the story, because there was a witness in the hot tub when the woman arrived with – the witness said – a small dog in tow. The witness, a woman, reported that the wife started to put her dog in the hot tub but that she, the witness, told her not to. The wife then took her swimming suit top off, whereupon the witness insisted, “Put your clothes back on.” In response, the wife allegedly pulled the witness’s hair. At that point, said the witness, the husband arrived, told his wife to put her clothes on, the wife refused, the husband pulled her out of the tub and hit her. Where the room figured into the drama, whose room it was and how the wife gained entry remained unclear. Because the woman had a bloody lip - and thereby a visible injury - the 47--year-old husband was necessarily charged with felony domestic assault and, because he was on probation for an earlier DUI conviction, he was charged with a probation violation and was booked into the county jail. But the wife did not require medical treatment and the husband’s felony charge was reduced to a misdemeanor, so perhaps there was still hope for a happy marriage. Friday, Sept. 21: 10 a.m. – That’s soo cool, Dude. No one will ever notice. Two 17-year-old high school seniors decided to share some tequila in woodshop class by concealing it in a bottle of Arrowhead drinking water. Their clever deception unraveled when one of the two consumed enough to be noticeably drunk. The boys were detained, a breath test was administered, and one of them registered a blood alcohol level of .087. His father arrived and indignantly refused to let his son sign the citation, refusing as well to sign it himself. He insisted instead that his son be transported to Sonoma Valley Hospital for evaluation. Police complied, the son still had a sizeable BAC, but, according to the police report, the father’s refusal to allow signing of the citation precluded release of the son to this father. He was therefore necessarily booked into juvenile hall for being under-aged and intoxicated in public. The youth’s 17-year-old accomplice was charged with violation of Sonoma’s social host ordinance for making the tequila available, although his breath test indicated he had consumed little or none of the booze. Sunday, Dec. 23: 4:55 p.m. – One bike, one shotgun, seven counts There are times when a crime, or a series of crimes, crosses so far over the threshold of common sense that it falls into the one-word category suggesting a blind alley in the process of evolution. The word, of course, is “Darwin.” In this case it involved a bicyclist who failed to obey a stop sign at Fifth Street West and Andrieux while in view of a Sonoma police officer. The officer made a routine traffic stop and might have simply issued a warning but for the fact that the man riding the bicycle had a long narrow object wrapped in a garbage bag and taped to his handlebars. Asked what was in the bag, the man explained it was a shotgun, and that immediately changed the equation. The officer had the rider dismount and conducted a pat-down search that yielded four Lorazepam pills, a meth pipe and a small amount of methamphetamine. Compounding the legal consequences for the cyclist was the fact that he was a convicted felon and there was a bench warrant out for his arrest. Convicted felons are generally not allowed to own firearms. But the cyclist demurred, explaining that the 12-guage, pump-action Mossberg shotgun belonged to his girlfriend’s father and he was simply taking it to be cleaned. The officer promptly contacted the girlfriend, who said the gun was not her father’s and, furthermore, she reportedly claimed, her boyfriend had stolen it from a barn at the Sangiacomo Family Vineyards. Police were thus faced with the following circumstances: • A convicted felon in possession of a firearm. • A felon convicted of a drug charge in possession of a firearm. • A person in possession of stolen property (the shotgun). • A person wanted on a bench warrant. • A person in felony possession of a controlled substance. • A person in possession of a narcotic controlled substance. • A person in possession of controlled substance paraphernalia. Thirty-eight year-old David Yount did not provide police with a plausible explanation as to why he was riding his bike with the shotgun taped to it, but they suspect he was planning to sell it. He was charged with the seven offenses listed above and was booked into the Sonoma County jail. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ______________________________________________________ __________|___________,_______________________________ __________|__________//,______________________________ __________|__________\|/;..___________________________ __________|___________\\//\,._________________________ __________|___________/ '\/_________________________ __________|__________/,* _ |_________________________ __________|_________( ) ( ) (_________________________ __________|__________\( " \________________________ __________|____________) \\______________________ __________|___________( \\\___________________ __________|____________\ ( \\ \\\_________________ __________|____________(\ \\ \\ \\\_______________ __________|_____________\\ \\ \\ \\\_____________ __________|______________\\ \\ \\ \\____________ __________|_______________\\ \\ \\ \\___________ __________|________________\-\ \\\ \\\\___________ __________|_________________\ /\_ \\\ \\___________ __________|__________________(( \-___- \\\__________ __________|___________________\ \_______ \\\_________ __________|____________________\ \_______ \\\________ __________|_____________________\ \________\\\_______ __________|______________________\ \________\\\______ __________|_______________________\ \________\\______ __________|________________________(--)_______________ __________|___________________________________________ __________|___________________________________________ bni >A Parrot A man received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown, with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. The man tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, the man put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute. The man was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto the man's extended arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness." The man was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?" --- ...LOL! Love this classic! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >Actual Signs These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships: " DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS " At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: "Belt your family. It's the law." Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: "Broken English spoken perfectly" At an Applebee's restaurant: "NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!" Fitness Center sign: "Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts." In a restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends." On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: "Rome wasn't built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor." A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: "Caution: Nuts crossing road." A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: "A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS" --- ...HaHa! Good ones! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a beautiful girl and he fell madly in love with her. When it was apparent that they would marry he thought to himself, "She is such a sweet and lovely girl, she will never go for this carrying on." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up his beloved beans. They were married shortly thereafter. Some months after his marriage, his car broke down on his way home from work. Since he and his wife lived in the country, he phoned her to say he wouldn't be home at his usual hour because he had to walk the rest of the way home. On his way home he passed a small cafe and the odor of freshly baked beans was overwhelming. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home, so he stopped at the cafe. Before leaving he ate three large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted and after arriving home, felt he had putt-putted his last. His wife was somewhat agitated and excited to see him and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner this evening." She then blindfolded him and led him to his seat at the head of the table. He sat down and just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned. She left him to answer the phone. Seizing the opportunity, he shifted his weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud but as ripe as rotten eggs. He took his napkin and vigorously fanned the air around him. He felt another urge coming on, shifted to the other leg, and let go again. This was a prize winner! While keeping one ear on the phone conversation, he kept on for another ten minutes. Upon hearing the phone hang up, he placed his napkin in his lap, folded his hands on top of it and smiled contentedly to himself, the very picture of innocence. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked and he, of course, assured her that he hadn't. At this point she removed the blindfold and there was his surprise--twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a birthday party! --- ...LMAO! Rich! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) An elderly woman was being honored at the senior citizen home. She was asked by a local reporter, "At your age, you're the OLDEST person in the State of Oklahoma! Are you proud of being able to say that?" "No," the woman replied. "See, I have always liked going out with the 'older guys....' she added, "But at 108, there ARE no 'older guys' to go out with any more!" --- ..TeeHee! Good one! Thanks Geniann! -<>- ,. |`:. | `:. m1a | |`.`:;@. | |;.`.`;| ; `.';| || ,(`;.`.| || /8o (`:. || /o8888o `; || /@o8888888o (`;| (`.()oO888888o (< `.`.;:oO08c{)/ | `.`.(),0 / / `.`.`/ / `.( / >Murphy Laws of Computing 1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete. 3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you'd least expect to find it. 4. When the going gets tough, upgrade. 5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. --- ...LOL! So true! Thanks Geniann! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) .-~*~--,. .-. .-~-. ./OOOOOOOOO\.'OOO`9~~-. .`OOOOOO.OOM.OLSONOOOOO@@OOOOOO\ /OOOO@@@OO@@@OO@@@OOO@@@@@@@@OOOO`. |OO@@@WWWW@@@@OOWWW@WWWW@@@@@@@OOOO). .-'OO@@@@WW@@@W@WWWWWWWWOOWW@@@@@OOOOOO} /OOO@@O@@@@W@@@@@OOWWWWWOOWOO@@@OOO@@@OO| lOOO@@@OO@@@WWWWWWW\OWWWO\WWWOOOOOO@@@O.' \OOO@@@OOO@@@@@@OOW\ \WWWW@@@@@@@O'. `,OO@@@OOOOOOOOOOWW\ \WWWW@@@@@@OOO) \,O@@@@@OOOOOOWWWWW\ \WW@@@@@OOOO.' `~c~8~@@@@WWW@@W\ \WOO|\UO-~' (OWWWWWW@/\W\ ___\WO) `~-~'' \ \WW=*' __\ \ \ \ \ __\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\ \\ \ \ >*TEXAS BEER JOINT SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!* A bar called Drummond's (in Mt Vernon, Texas) began construction on an expansion of their building, hoping to "grow" their business. In response, the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding - petitions, prayers, etc. About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck the bar and burned it to the ground! Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer". The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church "was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct actions or indirect means." Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise. The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply. He then opened the hearing by saying: "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that what we have here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not." *True story !! --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! Of course, this one is considered a 'legend' being posted in various forms since 2001. But the judge gives us the MORAL of thought here - Stand up for what you believe in even when it may get you in trouble. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without forgetting. | |/ | ,,,,, ,+ /| / \ () | || \ C '\ /|_() || ) _| .'___/,,,// || .'=. (____E.' / / \ || | \)`-\ _F_.' \ c `\ || \ \ !'__/ ) _| || \ \,' / /`._( || |`. .' / \ \ || \ `-' | .-. | | \ E || >====[] | \ |__| | O OE || / |_/ | |___)| `.__j____ \|E || \_ | || __`.________ `. |""|\| \ |\ ||| \///_ _|__|_| \ __ | \ ||`""\\""""//"' \`. \ | |[__]| \ ||.---\\__//---. | | \____| ||__|/ / \|____________|\ |/ | | | / || || /| | | -----| |/------------||-||-/`| |----------| /| | || ||/`-|___| | /\| | || \\._ [____] h| /`.|____| || \\ `-/ '`._ j| `=.\____/ || \\__`-.____) w| ) '`--. _.-||-._ `""""""" | `='====' ,-' ' ` `-. | `-.________.-' | >The Haircut One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, “I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week”. The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop came in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, “I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week”. The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, “I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week”. The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON! --- ...LOL! Thanks Linda! =============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: I haven't been in a fist fight since college, and that was a long time ago, but I do remember the exhaustion that comes after the adrenaline rush of physical combat. Which is why I find this story so bizarre. Authorities say a woman attempting to rob an 86-year-old man ended up brawling with him for eight hours in his southern New Jersey home. Eight hours! A Millville man let 46-year-old Kay Carty into his home after she knocked asking for a glass of water. Authorities say the man asked Carty to leave when she attempted to take items from his home. Police say the two then brawled on and off for nearly eight hours until the victim's son came home and found the man holding Carty down on the floor. I have trouble sitting upright for eight hours, I can't imagine the titanic effort it would take to wrestle for that long...even with a woman. Both Carty and the alleged victim were hospitalized with broken bones. Police have charged Carty with burglary, assault and weapons possession. All I can say is that is one stubborn old man. *-- Record-breaking bass may be only one of thousands --* HOUSTON - A 12 1/2-pound bass caught in Texas may be only the first of thousands of record-breaking fish sportsmen can expect to catch, researchers say. The fish, hooked recently in an East Texas lake, has been genetically linked to a 14-pound largemouth bass caught in December 2004 in a lake 450 miles to the south, the Houston Chronicle reported Friday. Jerry Campos caught the 14-pound fish on Falcon Lake in Laredo near the Mexican border. The bass, later named ShareLunker370, was entered into a program at the Texas Freshwater Fisheries Center in Athens, Texas, in which fishermen share their prize catches with others. At the center, ShareLunker 370 bred with a female bass that produced 12,699 fingerlings. Some of them were retained at the center but 173 offspring were released into Lake Naconiche in East Texas. There's where the 12 1/2-pounder was caught by Allen Lane Kruse, whose catch set a water- body and catch-and-release record. The center releases fingerlings into more than 60 reservoirs in Texas, so another record-breaking catch is probably just waiting to be pulled out of the water. *-- Bus drivers to strike over tight uniform pants --* MARSEILLE, France - Bus drivers in a French city said they will go on strike because, among other grievances, the uniform pants they are required to wear are too tight. The drivers, who work for the public transport authority in Marseille, said Friday the company's 1,600 employees will strike for 24-hours June 3 because they don't approve of "the quality, the color or the fit" of their new uniform pants, The Local.fr reported Friday. "I won't be wearing them," a Marseille bus driver told the La Provence newspaper. "You'd think we work for [car repair company] Speedy! The shirts are alright, but these pants are far too tight." CGT union leader Bernard Gargiolo said union leaders are upset they weren't consulted in choosing the uniforms. "The employees don't want to wear a uniform that was chosen unilaterally by [RTM's] management, without taking into account the reflections of our clothing committee," Gargiolo said. *-- Sandy's floods left fish in New Jersey man's pool --* BELMAR, N.J. - A New Jersey man said the floodwaters of Hurricane Sandy left something unusual in his in-ground pool -- a tiny school of live fish. Robert Castellano said his Belmar neighborhood was flooded for several days following the October storm, with 3 feet of water in his back yard, and when he pulled the cover from his in-ground pool this month he discovered a school of about 15 fish living in the water, the Asbury Park (N.J.) Press reported Tuesday. "I don't know how they got under the cover," Castellano said. "When the water was on top of the pool, it may have lifted the edges. Some are so small, they may have been just eggs. Or born in here. "They're very quick," he said. "I don't know what they've been eating, probably the algae. To survive in this water they have to have one heck of a will to live." Bob Mathews of the Fishermen's Den tackle shop identified the fish. "It looks like it's a white perch," Mathews said. "They're slightly anadromous fish -- they can live in fresh and brackish water." *-- Police: Chicago man tried to sell gator online --* CHICAGO - Authorities said they arrested a Chicago man who allegedly tried to sell a live baby alligator for $300 on Craigslist. The Illinois Department of Natural Resources said an undercover officer responded to the ad posted by Juan DeJesus, 19, and went to the man's home Monday while posing as a potential buyer, the Chicago Tribune reported Tuesday. DeJesus brought the alligator out of his home and was arrested on a misdemeanor possession of wildlife charge, police said. The alligator was seized by the officer. DeJesus is due to appear in court May 31. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: [\ .----' `-----. //^^^^;;^^^^^^`\ _______//_____||_____()_\________ /826 : : ___ `\ |> ____; ; |/\><| ____ _<) {____/ \_________________/ \____} \ '' / \ '' / jgs '--' '--' The tourist in London climbed into a cab and noticed by the license that his cab driver's name was "Winston Churchill." Trying to make conversation, he said, "I see your name is Winston Churchill." The driver simply said, "Yep. That's my moniker." The passenger, not willing to give up yet on some banter said, "That's a pretty famous name." The driver responded with: "As well it should be too. I've been driving a cab here for over thirty years." -<>- Ever wonder what medical personnel scribble on those clip- boards attached to the foot of the bed? Here are some incredible comments taken from hospital charts: "The patient refused autopsy." "The patient has no previous history of suicides." "She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night." "She is numb from her toes down." "Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities." "Discharge status: Alive but without my permission." -<>- A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. -<>- A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store. The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children!" Then he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought, but MAYBE..during one of the fraternity parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child! He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we had a little too much to drink and spent the night together but I never called you again afterward?" "No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's Sunday School teacher." -<>- Famous Movie Quotes (The First Drafts) The Godfather: "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse. Well, he can refuse it, of course. I just know that if some- one were to make me an offer like this, I'd jump all over it. But who am I to impose my feelings on someone else?" The Terminator: "I'll be back. Do you need anything while I'm out?" Dirty Harry: "You've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? I ask myself that every day, and you know what? I feel so very lucky. Loving family, steady work..." Taxi Driver: "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Sorry, it looked like you were talkin' to me. My mistake." -<>- Bob hadn't been to a class reunion in twenty years. When he walked into this latest one, he thought he recognized a woman over in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting, saying, "You look like Helen Brown." "Well," the woman snapped back, "you don't look so great in blue, either!" ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: .---. / :""| .;;;;;, |:`..| (((((((\\ C` _\ ..`\\)\\) \ _| /_ ))))) ) / \_= ((((( /`\\ \(`)))) || |Y| //`\((( || |.| / | ||))) || |.| \ | ||(( || |.| / | || :| |=: / |_|\ ||_|,| | |_| \ \)))/ \ ((( | | | `\ | | || |____| | || | || | || | || | || | || |_||__ /~)) jgs (____)) /_/YY >Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds." "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Anderson had a baby!" "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl." "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt." "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!" "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of child- birth?" "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?" "Get your *own* ice cream, Buddha!" "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!" "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water." [Courtesy of topfive.com] -<>- .---. ."""-. // \ \ | .\\\ )' )_| \__/ -( \__ / \ _/ .-;___;-. .-;_(-. / \ / \ /-/| |\-\ /_/| |\_\ \ \| |/ / \ \|___|/ / \ \_____/ / )/\ /|\ /|\ |\\ | | | | | |_____| | | | | | | |_ | _| |-|-| | | | \ | / | | | jgs /-T-\ |__|__| (_/ \_) (_/ \_) >** Top Ten Signs That You're Not Romantic ** 10. You ask the waiter for a seat near the kitchen so it minimizes the time it takes for your food to arrive. 9. She doesn't like the "I'm The Property of Jason" t-shirt you got her for your anniversary. 8. You take your date out for dinner that consists of a coupon for free nachos and half price on drinks. 7. Her candlelight dinners really irritate you 'cause it's so hard to read the sports-page while eating. 6. You apologize with a dozen dandelions. 5. After a romantic dinner, you offer to do the dishes by letting the dog lick the plates. 4. You consider pig latin the "language of love". 3. Some say it with flowers, you say it with spark-plugs. 2. When your boyfriend got down on one knee and proposed, you said, "Shhh!... talk to me during the commercial." 1. "I thought cubic zerconia looked prettier than real diamonds." -<>- ___ /:""| |:`66|_ C` _) \ ._| ) / /`\\ || |Y| || |#| || |#| || |#| :| |=: ||_|,| \)))|| |~~~`-`~~~| | | |_________| |_________| | || |_||__ jgs (____)) >** Advantages of Being a Temp ** 1. You're only lending your soul, not selling it. 2. You won't be there when the fruits of your labor turn rotten. 3. Trying on a different personality at each new job site. 4. You don't have to continually fork over part of your pay- check for co-workers' weddings, babies, birthdays and anniversaries, or children's school, scouts, athletic, and band fund-raising efforts. 5. No one gives you clothes emblazoned with the company logo and then expects you to wear them. 6. You can avoid the internal "war." I once Temp'd at an office so divided and filled with hate, one half wouldn't even speak with the other... it was my job to convey messages between the enemy camps. 7. Your true Pointy-Haired Boss is usually miles away...and the "customer" PHB can (often) be ignored. 8. Overtime at time and a half! Woo-Hoo! 9. Leaving at 4:30. 10. You get to hear the words, "Good job" and, 'Please stay" frequently. 11. You don't give a rat's hoohaa what the stock is doing. 12. Eight Words: "It was like that when I got here." -<>- __.__ .-' `-. :` . . . `: :.` `.` `.` `.: \ \ / / `\ \ / /' `\ Y /' `|' () --[]-- // jgs \\ `` >Top Ten U.S. Airways Shooting Excuses 10. Thought it would be fun to shoot empty liquor bottles 9. Air traffic controller's "Clear to land" misheard as "Squeeze off a round" 8. Media never reports when plane takes off and pilot's gun doesn't go off 7. Pilot thought he saw one of them "Cloverfield" Godzillas — Buy "Cloverfield" on DVD April 22nd 6. Oh, like you've never fired a weapon on board a passenger plane before 5. Don't worry — His parole officer was in the cockpit 4. Chillax, bro 3. This is what happens when you let Dick Cheney fly a plane — Did you see it coming folks? 2. If you didn't want gunplay, maybe you should have flown United 1. Pilot distraught after picking Duke to win it all ======================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Fried Chicken With Gravy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html Life's Little Oops 7 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops7.html Dominic And Jobe http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobe.html Boeing 727 Suite http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/727suite.html Extreme US Spas http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/topspas.html Day And Night http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayandnight.html Chalk Art 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart4.html Advertising Truck Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/truckart.html Keep On Smiling http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smiling.html Top Reasons To Smile http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smile.html -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) She sent us one we have here... Spring In The Netherlands http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/netherlands.html --- ...Lovely! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) Get free directory assistance 1-800-FREE411 Free Online Dictionary ttp://www.thefreedictionary.com/ Audio Bible http://www.audio-bible.com/bible/contents.html Teenager fights off shark with board http://tinyurl.com/cwu5xjd Nature - Absolutely Beautiful! https://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=WEl2IAIuj60&vq=medium Healthy Pets - Health Questions - Advice, Tips, Issues, Diseases http://www.realage.com/pet-health/ --- ...Great Info and Links! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From Our Friend KarenF :) "'Tis better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." Abraham Lincoln. She sent us one we have here... Humor in Religion 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion3.html --- ...LOL! A funny reminder! Thanks KarenF! CANADA'S NATIONAL ANIMAL! Well worth watching. Such a close-up view of nature. http://biggeekdad.com/2011/06/the-beavers/#.UOB0qzJP9a0.gmail --- ...Adorable! Thanks KarenF! -<>- >From Our Friend JoeL :) WALKING INTO MORDOR http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqNVpACRLaI&feature=em-share_video_user Oikophobia -- fear and hatred of one's own culture and people. It has brought down civilizations since there have been civilizations. And now we're infected, too. Find out how the negativity and self-loathing of modern Hollywood is just a small gear in the machine that brings down entire nations. What can we do about it? Well, we can walk right into the heart of Mordor and destroy the Ring of Power. http://herbotique.com/ Melissa's new web site My oldest daughter pic of girl on table is Melissa. --- ...Cool! Thanks JoeL! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster 13 in the con- stellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress." --Ransom K. Ferm "The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be." -Paul Valery "There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened." -Douglas Adams "Health experts have named Mississippi the fattest state in the Union. The state bird of Mississippi? The fried chicken." -Jay Leno "This week in New Zealand, a man who lost his wedding ring in the ocean found it in the water over a year later. The man says the most amazing thing about the story is that his wife fell for it." -Conan O'Brien "China is pitching in for green week. From now on, all toys from China will be made with recycled lead." - Jay Leno "Philadelphia has a new plan to ticket pedestrians who text without looking up while they walk. As opposed to the previous punishment: lamp posts." -Jimmy Fallon "There's an event being held in New York over the weekend by a group that's working to get yoga as an Olympic sport. NBC is pulling out all the stops to get us to not watch the Olympics, aren't they?" -Jimmy Fallon "You know when it comes to organic food, the USDA is very tough. You can't have anything that ends in 'eetos.'" -Craig Ferguson "We lose an hour with daylight-saving time. I don't condone jumping ahead in time in any form, unless it involves a DeLorean, stolen plutonium, and a soundtrack by Huey Lewis." -Jimmy Kimmel "There was a sign at the gas station near by my house that said, 'We take Visa, Mastercard, Discover Card, and American Express.' After I filled up they took my Visa, Master Card, my Discover Card, and my American Express." --Jay Leno >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************