Sherlock Holmes And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) I've been working hard with my son to get his website going with some of the best of Shangrala to make these pages more accessible. We came up with 36 pages. Be sure to check it out - Are there any of your favorites here? ___ ,-'" "`-. ,'_ `. / / \ ,- \ __ | \_0 --- | / | | | \ \ `--.______,-/ | ___) \ ,--"" ,/ | / _ \ \-_____,- / \__-/ \ | `. ,' \___/ < ´--------' \__/\ | Wny \__// AmazFamily http://www.amazfamily.com/index.html If you have other favorites, Please let me know so maybe I can add them here as well! -<>- & |\ | /~\ |~\ | |_~ |_~ |_~ |~) |_~ |\ | /~ |_~ _____(_)____ | \| \_/ |_/ | | | |__ |~\ |__ | \| \_, |__ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ -by Shel Silverstein /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Small as a peanut, /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Big as a giant, /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ We're all the same size /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ When we turn off the light. /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Rich as a sultan, ^^^^^^^^^^^^^\^^/^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Poor as a mite, )(==D We're all worth the same / \ When we turn off the light. /__ _\ {=_==_=} Red, black or orange {_==_==} Yellow or white, {==_==_} We all look the same {_=_==_} When we turn off the light. )__ _( / \ So maybe the way _)_ __ _(_ To make everything right _/_ ___ __ _\_ Is for God to just reach out jgs [______________] And turn off the light! --- ...Or make them invisible? >HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle new page is from our friend LouiseAu. It is amazing how truly 'invisible' these animals are! They are masters at hiding in plain sight! See if you agree! How many can you spot? 'Invisible' Animals 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/invisible2.html --- ...Love this! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: _____ (((\\\\\ )_ \\\| / \\|\/ \\( ), & \) ( (( |` \\ ))) _ | \` __| ` | , \ ` , \ | \ ,\ , \ ' \/ \_ \/ \ `_,`-._ ` \ ejm / `-. _ \ ` / ,`. \ === / '== =`. | ==== / | === ` / /========= / | / , /______| / , ======== __-' | = === / ,======= ' - -- ( \ \ \ ` \ ` \ ` \_____ \ / ` _/ / '-- ' >All-Purpose Apology Form Dear a) Mom, b) Dad, c) Love of my life, d) Assistant Principal, e) Local Police Chief, Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your a) Car b) House c) Pet d) Mother-in-law e) Left arm was severely damaged by my a) infantile b) puerile c) inept d) comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic e) woefully under appreciated prank. How could I have known that the a) car b) jet ski c) large helium balloon d) Patriot missile e) Zamboni I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your a) house b) wife c) Cub Scout troop d) 1/16th sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete with lightbulb in the torch e) priceless collection of Rolling Rock beer cans You must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to a) imagine b) fathom c) comprehend d) appreciate e) pay for and I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to a) hate me b) sue me c) spank me d) take my firstborn e) gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the fish in your koi pond but I ask you to remember all the good times we've had, joshing around at a) school b) work c) church d) the bowling alley e) the municipal jail and to remember that I am first and foremost your a) friend b) child c) sibling d) lease co-signer e) only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant. I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that a) was so stupid b) was so silly c) would have been funny if it worked d) you would have done, if you had thought of it first e) I'm going to use again on someone else. Sincerely, (your name here) ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ January 29 is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day, National Puzzle Day and National Cornchip Day January 30 is National Inane Answering Message Day January 31 is Backward Day and Inspire Your Heart with Art Day February 1 is National Freedom Day and No Politics Day February 2 is Bubble Gum Day, Candlemas, and Ground Hog Day February 3 is Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day, Feed the Birds Day and The Day the Music Died - Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper died in a plane crash in 1959. February 4 is Create a Vacuum Day, Stuffed Mushroom Day and Superbowl Sunday - Superbowl 52, date varies February 4 is Thank a Mailman Day - odd since no mail on Sunday ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _zzzzzzzz_ ]@@z__a@@@ ~~@@@@@~" _a@~@ze @@" ]@[ @@z_a@[ `-@@@ _zzzzzz .a@z_ _d@@~@@[~ Not My Fault! ____zd@@@@@zzz@@~ "" )a@@@~~"]@`~~~~~ `~@zz_ ]@ ~@@z]@ `@@@@ )d@@@ `]@@' ]@@@z_ ]@L~@@z ]@@ ~@@@_ ]@[ `]@[ "@@ )a@' ]@[ ]@@ )a@')a@' ]@@ ]@@ KANGAROO .a@' -@@zzzze ]@@@@@@[~~~~" `~ >System Outage (Translation) Last week an outage affected a large number of Yahoo users. Yahoo issued a statement explaining the outage: "Our network operating center alerted the Mail engineering team to a specific hardware outage in one of our storage systems serving 1% of our users. The Mail team immediately started working with the storage engineers. However, the problem was a particularly rare one and the resolution for the affected accounts was nuanced. Different users were impacted in different ways. Further, messages sent to those accounts during this time were not delivered, but held in a queue. Over the remainder of the week, we worked around the clock to restore access and all messages to inboxes." Translation: Our network operating center alerted the Mail engineering team to a specific hardware outage [a disk drive failed] in one of our storage systems serving 1% of our users [we have no clue how many users were affected; 1% complained] The Mail team immediately started working with the storage engineers [as opposed to their normal habit of working against them] However, the problem was a particularly rare one [TWO disk drives failed] and the resolution for the affected accounts was nuanced [all of the employees who knew how to deal with the problem had long since left to work for Google or Apple] Different users were impacted in different ways [some lost all of their messages, some only lost most of them]. Further, messages sent to those accounts during this time were not delivered, but held in a queue [as long as the Great Wall of China]. Over the remainder of the week, we worked around the clock [we have since removed the clock from the center of our conference table -- it didn't help much] to restore access and all messages to inboxes [ads, that is. The messages are lost forever]. -<>- >Proving Citizenship Before I could start my first job right out of college, I had to present evidence that I was a U.S. citizen. I showed up with my drivers license and birth certificate. The clerk looked at my drivers license and copied down some information. She then picked up my birth certificate and gave it a long look. "Is anything wrong?" I asked. "Yes," she said. "I can't find the expiration date." -<>- >Thinking About You Janice was going away for a few days and left her husband a list of chores. For fun, she put down Item 5 as: Think about your wife a lot. After she returned, her husband proudly reported that he had completed every job. When Janice saw the list, however, each item except No. 5 had been crossed off. "What's this!" she exclaimed. "Didn't you think about me while I was gone?" Her chagrin vanished when he replied cheerfully, "I started to, but just never finished." -<>- >Puppies An effusive client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. She loved them so much, she couldn't keep from remarking about their cute habits. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I never realized they had to be baptized." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ,N. _/__ \ If you eliminate all other possibilities -/o\_\ the one that remains, however unlikely, __\_-./ is the right answer. / / V \`U-. ()) /, > o < \ Elementary my dear Watson. <\.,.-._.-" [-\ o /__..-' |/_ ) ) _.-"| \o/ | \ o!0 `'-'-" >SMILES Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Homologically Homologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?" "Watson you idiot," said Holmes, "Someone has stolen our tent!" ---------- A woman buys several gallons of milk from the milkman one day. "Why do you need so much milk?" the mailman asks. The lady replies, "I heard that taking baths in milk makes you healthier and prettier." The milkman asks, "Would you like the milk pasteurized?" She answers, "No, just up to the neck." ---------- I couldn't help overhearing a man at a nearby pay phone. "I know it's something you want," he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing. As long as you're living in my house, I think you should respect my wishes." I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly firmness. Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Mom, you're 75 years old! You don't NEED a tattoo!" ---------- Q: How do you sink a submarine filled with blondes? A: Knock on the door. ---------- When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..." ---------- During a Coffee Break, two men were talking: "My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market garden." Replied the first man. "So were you able to find some?" the second man, asked. "Well when I got to the market, I asked the gardener, 'These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?'." "The gardener said 'No, you'll have to do that yourself.'." ---------- The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, and had fastened the seat belt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, man," he said, "but I think it's too late! ---------- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. "Hardly worth going home, isn't it?" ---------- A marriage broker goes to see Mr. Cohen, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr. Cohen, don't let it get too late. I have exactly the woman you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the marriage broker. "Don't bother," replies Mr. Cohen, "I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs....I am happy with that arrangement." "That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife." "I said 'two sisters'.... I didn't say they were mine!" ---------- A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St. Luke’s hospital saying that, after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in making love. A hospital spokesman replied: Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology – All we did was correct his eyesight. ---------- Mark loses his rare and valuable dog and advertises in the newspaper offering a very generous $1,000 reward for its return. After a few days of no replies, he goes to the newspaper for some information. He says to the receptionist, "I'd like to see Jim, the advertising manager, please." "I'm sorry sir, but he's out," says the receptionist. "Ok, so how about his secretary?" "She's out too sir. In fact everyone from his department is out." "Oh dear me," says Mark. "Where is everybody?" "They're all out looking for your dog." ---------- Little Johnny's dog was hit by a car, and unfortunately, died. Mom and dad tried their best to console their young son. "You know, Johnny, it's not your fault the dog died, it was just fate." But Little Johnny would have none of it. So, in a last gasp attempt, Little Johnny's dad said, "He's probably up in Heaven right now with God. He'll be happy there, so you don't have to feel bad anymore." Standing there thinking as Little Johnny does he looked up and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?" ---------- Four mothers got together and were discussing their sons. "Our family has a Royal blood." said the first proud woman. "When my son enters a room, people look at him and say, 'Oh, Your Highness'" The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, Your Excellency'" "My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, Your Eminence'" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is short, weighs 285 pounds, and is bald," she said, "When he enters a room, people look at him and say, 'Oh My god !'" ---------- A friend told the blonde, "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blonde then said, "Lets hope it's not the 13th." ---------- "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Tracy the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Good, what are we having for breakfast," said Dewey, the new husband. "Toast and juice," Tracy replied. --- ...LOL! Great! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ............. .... .... .. .. .. .. . ___ ___ . . / , \ / , \ . . \___/ \___/ . .. . .. . .. O . . | | . . \ / . . \ / . .. \______________/ .. .. \_____\ \ \/ .. .... | \ |.... ...... | | | Derek S. Tan \___/ *-- Anything You Want --* A man came home from work and was greeted by his wife dressed in a teddy. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went out for a round of golf. -<>- *-- Science and Nature --* A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?' -<>- *-- Please Forgive Me... --* A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." "Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant." -<>- *-- Bad Back? --* Quasimodo goes to a doctor for his annual checkup. "I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says. "What makes you say that?" Quasimodo asks. "I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch." -<>- Q: Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? A: He's all right now. Q: What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles? A: U.C.L.A. Q: How do you make a bandstand? A: Take away their chairs. Q: What did Ernie say to Burt when asked if he wanted ice cream? A: Sure-Burt! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ 'We want peace and prosperity' says Trump as he storms Davos with offers of better trade deals and pleas for big business to invest in America - Daily Mail https://tinyurl.com/ybl4h4hd U.S. heads for 3% growth trifecta on spending, investment punch The U.S. economy continues to accelerate, with the “longest stretch of 3 percent-or-better growth since 2005.” - Bloomberg News https://tinyurl.com/ya8vpoba Melania Trump pays respect to Holocaust victims in recognition of Remembrance Day First Lady Melania Trump visited the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum on Thursday to pay respects ahead of today’s International Holocaust Remembrance Day. “My thoughts and prayers are with the people whose lives and families were broken by the horrors of the Holocaust. Yet it is also through our shared humanity that we come together now in commemoration, strength, and love,” the First Lady said. - The Daily Caller https://tinyurl.com/ybxcnl6e Home Depot hourly employees to receive up to $1,000 bonus due to tax reform Home Depot joined a growing list of corporations “using new tax benefits to invest in their workers” by offering bonuses to employees of up to $1,000. As the U.S. labor market tightens, bonus payments and wage increases can “help incentivize current employees to stick around.” - CNBC https://tinyurl.com/y7kar7hv Trump comments lift dollar, Dow hits record high On Thursday afternoon, the U.S. dollar “staged a comeback” on a “show of support” from President Trump, while the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at a new record high. - Financial Times https://tinyurl.com/ybqvk34o Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: A police officer is facing years behind bars after allegedly planting drugs and arresting an innocent man, according to prosecutors in Maryland. The Baltimore District Attorney's Office announced that the indictment of Baltimore police officer Richard Pinheiro, 29, on charges of fabricating evidence and misconduct. The Public Defender's Office in Maryland has used a police body cam to get drug charges dropped against a client. The man, a suspected drug dealer, was arrested after a video showed Officer Pinheiro finding drugs in an empty can of soup that was in a pile of trash near the suspect's home. However, when the public defender's office reviewed the entire video of the incident that occurred at their client's home, they were shocked by what they saw. The incident, which the officer accidentally recorded with his body cam, shows him standing at the exact spot where the drugs were found 30 seconds later. The officer apparently did not know that the body cam saved the last 30 seconds of footage before it was manually activated. In that 30-second footage, the officer was seen holding a plastic bag with pills and placing it in a pile of dirt. A short time later, the officer returned with the suspect and "searched the area" before finding the hidden drugs. He has been suspended and his two colleagues, who were also at the scene, were placed on desk duty. If convicted, Pinheiro faces up to 3 years in prison. -<>- A man who made headlines over his loves of donuts was arrested for breaking into Dunkin' Donuts. 27-year-old Bradley Hardison of North Carolina participated in the police-sponsored anti-crime donut eating contest despite the fact that he was wanted on suspicion of several break-ins. During the contest, Hardison reportedly devoured eight glazed donuts in two minutes. Elizabeth City police said that after making headlines for winning the contest, Hardison was arrested for crimes, which he committed 9 months prior in Camden County. In that case, he received a 3 year suspended sentence. Hardison apparently did not learn from his mistakes as he is making headlines over donuts again. However, this time, it is not over his impressive eating skills, but rather over his break-in at a Dunkin' Donuts. Hardison was charged with felony breaking and entering, safecracking, and larceny. He is being on $7,000 bond. *--- Something Smells Fishy About This Story ---* Police in Florida said they arrested a man who was caught on camera stealing exotic fish from a pet store by shoving them down his pants. The Clearwater Police Department said Cruz Garcia Jr. and accomplice Crystal Dixon walked into the Pet Safari store and Dixon quickly set about distracting store clerk Kayla Kraut. Kraut reported Dixon was asking "just random questions. Anything to keep me occupied." The security cameras recorded Garcia taking Electric Blue Acaras and Blue Ram Cichlids from display tanks, bagging them and shoving the fish-filled bags down his pants. "The boyfriend came to this fish tank over here, pointed at a fish and said, 'Oh, that's a really cool fish' and then ran out the door," Kraut said. "I immediately went to where I saw them last and I noticed there were droplets of water coming from the tank. I knew there was missing fish." The store said the fish ranged in price from $18 to $20 each. Kraut was able to get the license plate number of the pair's getaway vehicle and turned it over to police with the security camera footage. "I think it's the first call you ever heard where somebody stuffs live fish down their pants and flees the scene," police spokesman Rob Shaw said. The fish have not been recovered, police said. *----- He Should Have Asked for Medium Rare -----* Authorities in New Jersey are investigating the death of a man who was found in a tanning bed at a gym. It happened Monday in a Crunch Fitness on South Broad Street in Hamilton. Police say that the body of Nicholas Ricigliani, 27, of Hamilton was found in the tanning-bed room by an employee of the gym. Investigators said that there was no indication that foul play was involved but did not elaborate. Ricigliani's body was transported by the Middlesex County Medical Examiner's Office to determine the exact cause of death. *----- For My 12th Birthday I Got An Atari -----* Police in Mexico launched an investigation after a man hired strippers to dance for his 12-year-old son. Police said that they launched the investigation after a video of the stripper dancing with the topless boy went viral on the Internet. The boy, who was celebrating his 12th birthday, was seen placing his hands on the stripper's behind. The other stripper then pushed her breasts into the boy's head while his father laughed nearby. People at the party recorded the strippers dancing with the boy and caressing his body. At one point, one stripper forced the boy's hands onto the breasts of the other adult performer. Police said that they are investigating the strippers for s#&ual assault on a child while the boy's father might face a child endangerment charge. The father defended his action, saying that he just wanted to turn his son into a man on his 12th birthday. *-------------- Oddly Appropriate --------------* An event that started as a joke on Facebook turned into a real candlelight vigil for a Taco Bell eatery in Alabama that was destroyed by a fire. The Taco Bell burned and partially collapsed after a small room containing electrical distribution equipment sparked a fire in the building, Montgomery Fire/Rescue said. An event cropped up on Facebook a few days after the fire calling for a "candlelight vigil" to remember the fast food eatery. The event began as an apparent joke, but led to about 100 people congregating at the location night to pay tribute to Taco Bell. The owners of the Taco Bell thanked the community for their support. "We are already planning our comeback and will rebuild!" the owner said. "We will have a true celebration upon re- opening and hope that all of you that Quiero Taco Bell will Run to the Border on Zelda and LiveMas with us!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) ___ ___ _____/___\_____ __|___|__ """"("-_-")"""" ( o_o ) ~ /\_)=o~/ _\~-~/_ _ _~ / /\\\///\ ~ / \/|\/ \/\(|_| \__|\\//\ \ ~ / |. .|\_/ __________|//\\/_/___~______\_\_____|_____ _______ |_|) _______ \_____/ \_____/ jro >Bad Day There is a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making biker steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The biker dude says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison." -<>- .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' Teacher: "Kids, what does the fat chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the fat pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!" -<>- .===================================================================. || __ _ __ __ __ __ __ .. __ || || -=]|__ /_\ |__) |__ |__) / \ |\ /| |__) | | |__/ |__ |\ | || || -=]| / \ | \ | | \ \__/ | \/ | | \__/ | \ |__ | \| || || ___ || || .' '. || || / \ oOoOo || || | | ,==||||| || || \ / _|| ||||| || || '.___.' _.-'^|| ||||| || || __/_______.-' '==HHHHH || || _.-'` / """"" || || .-' / oOoOo || || `-._ / ,==||||| || || '-/._|| ||||| || || / ^|| ||||| || || / '==HHHHH || || /________""""" || || `\ `\ || || \ `\ / || || \ `\/ || || / || || / || || jgs /_____ || || || '===================================================================' >The Wonders of Beer Or Why We Have So Many In AA Sometimes, after playing golf, I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." - Babe Ruth "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." - Winston Churchill "When I read about the evils of drinking after golfing I gave up reading." - Paul Horning "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." -H. L. Mencken "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" - George Bernard Shaw "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." - Dave Barry BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE S@% SINCE 3000 B.C.! - W. C. Fields Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser. - Professor Irwin Corey To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! - Leo Durocher One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson: "Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this.. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! ; In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers. --- ...Oh Geesh! HaHa! Thanks Geniann! ================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: .-------. _|~~ ~~ |_ =(_|_______|_)= |:::::::::| |:::::::[]| |o=======.| jgs `"""""""""` We had been up in the attic together doing some cleaning. The kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked, "Hey Mom...what's this?" "Oh, that's an old typewriter," she answered, thinking that would satisfy their curiosity. "Well what does it do?" they asked. "I'll show you," she said and returned with a blank piece of paper. She rolled the paper into the typewriter and began striking the keys, leaving black letters of print on the page. "WOW!" they exclaimed, "that's really cool...but how does it work like that? Where do you plug it in?" "There is no plug," she answered. "It doesn't need a plug." "Then where do you put the batteries?" they persisted. "It doesn't need batteries either." she continued. "Wow! This is so cool!" they exclaimed. "Someone should have invented this a long time ago!" -<>- One night at about 3 a.m. my wife was getting up from the toilet to return to bed when she heard a little noise. It was a suspiciously rodent like sound that seemed to be right in the bathroom with her. She, of course, froze and listened attentively for any further sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that she was alone, she took a step for the door. Rodent scratchy sounds again! She froze, not breathing. Silence. Her heart beat fast as she once again tried to retreat from the bath- room. This time the noise was accompanied by something touching the back of her leg! That was too much to bear. She literally flew the 8 feet to the bed, clearing the foot board by a couple feet, to land screaming by my side. The culprit was right there in plain sight, a trail of toilet paper neatly marked the path from bed to the bathroom. -<>- When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me. -<>- A literature buff, my friend Larry installed an answering machine on his telephone. Instead of the usual instructions about leaving a message, Larry recorded a parody of Hamlet's famous soliloquy: "To speak, or not to speak, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to leave a message after the beep, or to take arms against a sea of answering machines, and by opposing, end them. To dial, to speak, no more. Thus answering machines do make cowards of us all." -<>- ____ ___ | _ \ ___ _ _.' _ `. _ | [_) )' _ `._ _ ___ ! \ | | (_) | _ |:;.| _ <| (_) | \ | |' _ `| \| | _ | .:;| | `.[_) ) _ | \| | (_) | | | | |.',..| ':. `. /| | | | | _ | |\ | | |.' :;::' !::, `-!_| | | |\ | | | | | \ !_!.' ':;! !::; ":;:!.!.\_!_!_!.!-'-':;:'' '''! ';:' `::;::;' '' ., . `: .,. `' .::... . .::;::;' `..:;::;:.. ::;::;:;:;, :;::;' "-:;::;:;: ':;::;:'' ;.-' ""`---...________...---'"" Bugbyte The banana loaf I was making was in the oven when my 16-year- old came into the kitchen where the family had gathered. "That bread smells about done don't you think, Mom?" he asked. I told him I had set the timer and it still had five minutes. A little later he repeated his suggestion. "Mom, I really think that loaf is done. Maybe you should check it." Always quick to come to my defense, my 13-year-old son said, "Eddie, Mom's been burning that banana bread for 20 years now. I think she knows when to take it out." -<>- A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a 'compromising position.'" "See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." She wasn't selected for the jury. ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: _________________________________________________________ ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||.--. .-._ .----. || |||==|____| |H|___ .---.___|""""|_____.--.___ || ||| |====| | |xxx|_ |+++|=-=|_ _|-=+=-|==|---||| |||==| | | | | \ | | |_\/_|Black| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |\ \ .--. | |=-=|_/\_|-=+=-| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |_\ \_( oo )| | | |Magus| | ^ ||| |||==|====| |H|xxx| \ \ |''| |+++|=-=|""""|-=+=-|==|---||| ||`--^----'-^-^---' `-' "" '---^---^----^-----^--^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| || ___ .-.__.-----. .---.|| || |===| .---. __ .---| |XX|<(*)>|_|^^^||| || , /(| |_|III|__|''|__|:x:|=| | |=| Q ||| || _a'{ / (|===|+| |++| |==| | | |Illum| | R ||| || '/\\/ _(|===|-| | |''| |:x:|=| |inati| | Y ||| ||_____ -\{___(| |-| | | | | | | | | | Z ||| || _(____)|===|+|[I]|DK|''|==|:x:|=|XX|<(*)>|=|^^^||| || `---^-^---^--^--'--^---^-^--^-----^-^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||_______________________________________________________|| Qryz >Great Books That Were Never Written 1. 20 yards to the Out House by Willie Makit (Illustrated by Betty Wont) 2. The Yellow River by I.P. Daily 3. Caulking Made Easy by Phil McKrevis 4. I Was Prepared by Justin Case 5. The Nudist Colony by Seymour Skin 6. The Numbers Game by Cal Q. Later 7. Supporting Athletes by Jacques Strappe 8. Under the Bleachers by Seymour Butts 9. Falling Off A Cliff by Eileen Dover 10. Rusty Bed Springs by I.P. Freeley -<>- . b A $b Vb. '$b V$b. $$b V$$b. '$$b. V$$$$oooooooo. .. '$$P* V$$$$$""**$$$b. .o$$P " .oooZ$$$$b..o$$$$$$$$$$$$C .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ .o$$$o$$$$$$$$P""*$$$$$$$$$P"""*$$$P .$$$**$$$$P"q$C "$$$b .$$P $$P "$$$b "$ . .$$$$$b. *" $$ $$$. "***$$$$$$$b. A. V$b . Z$$b. . "*$$$$$b$$: V$$. "*$$$b. b. "$$$$$ "$$b "*$. *b. "$$$b "$$b. "L "$$o. "*" .ooo.. "*$$o. "*$$o. .o$$$$$$$$b. "*$$b. "$$b. .$$$$$*" ""*. "*$$o. "$$$o. $$$$$' "$$o "$$$b. "$$$$ ...oo.. "$b. "$$$$b. "$$$$$$$P*""""" . "$$ "$$$$b "$$$$P" L."$. .$$$$$. $$$$ .. $$$; o$$$$$$ $$$$ . $.l "$$' .$$$$$$$P $$$P .I .$b b '. "P .P*""*$$$$; $$$ .$P $$o ". ". . " ." $$$$ $$; .$$; $$$. "A "$. ". ' o$$$P .$P .$$$b $$$$. *$. "$$$$o. .$$$$P $" .$$$$$ $$$$$. "$$o."**$$$$o.' .o$$$$P" P $$P"$$b $$$$$$o "*$$$$boooooc$$$$$$$P" . $$ $$$."$$$"*$$. "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$C .o" I" $P"$."$$b. "*$. "**$$$$$*"*$$$$$$$" ' $ "$."$$$. ""' "*$$* $. "."$$$$o mls "I "$$$$b. . "$$$b."$o. "*$$."$$$o. "$$o $$$$b. '$$o'$$$$$b. '$$.'$$$**$o '$$.$$$. '$$ $$; $$$o. "$. "$: $$ "*o ". L $$ $P l '. $. .$$ $; ;$.$$P $ "$$$$ P' $$$;: $$P o$P $P I' ' >Things you don't want to hear in a tattoo parlor "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE." "We're all out of red, so I used pink." "There are two O's in Bob, right?" "Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy." "That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie." "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups." "Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here." "I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before." "The flag's all done and, you know, your folds of fat make a nice waving effect." "Oops ... " ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Koala's Up Close! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas3.html World's Tallest Treehouse! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouse.html Nanny Animals 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nannyanimals3.html Playing With Food 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html Fun With Nature! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nature.html Whale Rescue 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html Deer Rescue! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deerrescue.html Humor In Religion 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion3.html Parenting No-No's 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting2.html Morons At Work! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html Life's Little Oops 10! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops10.html Germany's Water Bridge! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wbridge.html Nation's Tallest Flagpole! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flagpole.html Humor With Cars! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carhumor.html Weird Old Vehicles! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oldvehicles.html Got A Nanosecond 4? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano4.html -<>- >Please Follow/Friend Me on StumbleUpon :) https://tinyurl.com/y8s9htp3 -<>- >From DoYouRemember.com: One of the most beloved movies of all time, one of Steven Spielberg's earliest masterpieces, and the 7th highest grossing movie of all time, Jaws has left a major mark on the entertainment industry. Not only have it's then-cutting-edge use of effects, it's terror-inducing writing, and game-changing cinematography left a lasting impression on audiences around the world, the production was wrought with complications and secrets never before revealed... until now. Let's take a look at 40 facts and secrets from the set of Steven Spielberg's Jaws! https://doyouremember.com/62828/40-things-probably-never-knew-jaws/ >From Cracked.com: Between social media and advance screenings, it's getting harder and harder to avoid movie spoilers. But even if you manage to escape all that, your movie experience might still be spoiled ... by the studio itself. https://tinyurl.com/y74bp9vw Get the latest TV News: http://www.tv.com/ In this video, you'll watch how a man kayaking attracts a small school of Beluga Whales. The man belted out a few notes and sure enough the Belugas swam up to him and started singing along! Eventually the man jumped in and they had their own little underwater quartet. https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=6&v=t4BiwzqcV3s -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Hollywood-based magician John Lovick performs a torn and restored handbill trick that magic icons Penn and Teller can't explain. John Lovick is an American magician, writer, director, and actor. Since the 1990s he has performed as a magician and actor throughout the United States and Canada, as well as England, Australia, New Zealand, and Malaysia. His performing alter ego, Handsome Jack, is a regular performer at the world-famous Magic Castle in Hollywood, where he has served on the Board of Trustees and has been nominated for the "Parlour Magician of the Year" award eleven years in a row. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCn4ZHzSHkw --- ...Wow! Thanks LouiseAu! Revisiting... The boys from Top Gear are up to their usual craziness again, this time in the form of a drag race between a Euro Fighter and a Bugatti Veyron to determine the crown for speed king. Who will emerge victorious? Will it be the supercar or the jet plane? Enjoy the high-octane fueled show. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7NZ9X9A2efA Right now this cat is top dog, but you give this bulldog a bit of growing time, and pretty soon I don't think the cat will mess with him. Watch what happens when a cute puppy tries to reclaim his bed from a stoic cat. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssC1JDCXk2M&feature=player_embedded If you're not using this cool hack, you're probably using those little paper ketchup cups at fast food places all wrong! It's simple and it only takes seconds, and you can improve your ketchup experience and cut down on waste. Watch and see how this crazy Russian hacker does it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=PgZtZ9qs3yY This is so adorable. This parrot not only rips out paper to make itself a tail, but actually attaches it on. Who said animals don't wear jewelry? https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=CJIUNNssSVg --- ...TeeHee! So Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu! A walk through Washington (They will never show this on the news) Have a cup of coffee, sit back and relax and click on this. http://tinyurl.com/p5uoug4 --- ...Love This! Thanks LouiseAu! Pres. Obama never got this - But Our New President Trump sure does: President Donald J. Trump Proclaims January 16, 2018, as Religious Freedom Day https://tinyurl.com/y7wag5yw Trump Administration Reverses Obama-Era Policies on Religious Freedom https://tinyurl.com/y7uoejm3 Obama was what inspired my page... Who is WE? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoiswe.html ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Congrats to Sen. Tammy Duckworth who will become the first U.S. senator to have a baby while in office! That's right, she's having a baby, so at least we've got ONE senator who'll deliver." -Jimmy Fallon "China has banned hip hop from Chinese television, which is bad news for China's biggest hip hop star, the Notorious MSG." -Conan O'Brien "The Taj Mahal is currently undergoing its first cleaning since its construction in the 1600s. 'Maybe we should do that,' said New York." -Seth Meyers "Good news for Washington - the government shutdown is over. The bad news for us - our government is back to work." -Conan O'Brien "A new report found that 20 percent of people over 45 had to dip into their retirement savings last year. And the other 80 percent said, 'retirement savings?'" -Jimmy Fallon "According to a new report, by 2050, the world's oceans will contain more plastic trash than fish. So the next time you get dumped, remember: There's plenty of trash in the sea." -Seth Meyers "Two new ax-throwing bars will open in Boston this year. Boston is getting a new bar where people can try ax-throwing. So far, all the customers give it one-and-a-half thumbs up." -Jimmy Fallon "A Florida man has been arrested for stealing a $1,500 dog from a pet store and trading it for crack. On the plus side, we finally have an answer to the question: How much is that doggie in the window?" -Seth Meyers "Professional race car driver Danica Patrick is dating again, after breaking up with her previous boyfriend, a NASCAR driver. When asked why that relationship didn't work out, Patrick explained, 'We were just going in circles.'" -Conan O'Brien "Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning." --Marlo Thomas "Everyone is as God has made him, and oftentimes a great deal worse." --Miguel de Cervantes "When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody." --W. S. Gilbert "The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible." - David M. Ogilvy "I have learned that to be with those I like is enough." - Walt Whitman "Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body." - Sir Richard Steele >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************