Signs, Frogs And Laundry - Oh My! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This flaming hot new page is from our friends Linda, Johanna and LouiseAu. It is one to tickle your funny bone and give you plenty of smiles for your day. Be sure to check it out here... _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ Look Who's Talking 15! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking15.html --- ...Teehee! I do love this series! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: \\\ ____ ________``` \ =|- [________] \ | =| | _ | | \ __ ejm |__=|- O--(_) `.______.' \ O=======(__) /|\ (/(|(\ >Signs Found In The Kitchen 1. So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! 2. Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! 3. I clean house every other day. Today is the other day. 4. If you write in the dust, please don't date it! 5. I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener! 6. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life. 7. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it! 8. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out. 9. If you don't like my standards of cooking ...lower your standards. 10. Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. 11. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse. 12. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious. 13. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand! 14. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 15. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. 16. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives. 17. My next house will have no kitchen ... just vending machines. 18. I'd live life in the fast lane, but I'm married to a speed bump. 19. Mother does not live here any more, clean up your own mess. 20. Martha Stewart doesn't live here either!! ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ November 18 is Push Button Phone Day November 19 is Have a Bad Day Day November 20 is Absurdity Day, Beautiful Day and Universal Children's Day November 21 is False Confession Day, Great American Smokeout and World Hello Day November 22 is Go For a Ride Day November 23 is Eat a Cranberry Day, National Adoption Day, National Cashew Day and National Espresso Day November 24 is All Our Uncles are Monkeys Day, Evolution Day and Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: /|\ [] |"""""""""""--__ /| |\ / | \ || |____________--"" ( |__| ) | ( ) | || | | \ / | .-. | || | | |12| ]( 0 )[ || | | | | / `-' \ || | | | | / /' `\ \ || | | | | | | | | |%%| | | | | | | | | ,'`, | | | | | | | | |||| | | |14| | | | | |||| | | / __ \ \ \ / / |||| | | ( | | ) `-' `-' `--' `-' \| |/ pb >Fix-It Skills So this guy has the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home-repair project. For example, his garage was littered with the pieces of a lawn mower he once tried to fix. One day his wife found him in the living room, attacking the vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver. "I can't get this thing to cooperate!" he exclaimed. His wife replied, "Why don't you drag it out to the garage and show it the lawn mower?" -<>- >Accepting Authority A woman in our office was promoted to supervisor and some of the older male workers were having difficulty accepting her authority. While she instructed one such subordinate, he interrupted with, "Young lady, I'm old enough to be your father." "And," she replied, "I'm old enough to be your supervisor." -<>- >The Right Filling A little boy was having a dental visit. Examination revealed that he had a cavity, which needed filling. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth, amalgam or composite?" "I would prefer chocolate, please," he replied. -<>- >Workaholic As an attorney in a major law firm, I have many colleagues who work long hours. However, the reputation of one of my partner's workaholic ways even extended beyond the office. He not only had to leave work early one day because of a medical problem, but was also told by his doctor to stay home until the end of the week. My colleague grudgingly agreed to comply. In the middle of the week, our receptionist received a call for him. She announced that the partner was out of the office until Friday. "Good," the caller said. "That's all I wanted to know." It was the partner's doctor. -<>- >Speech Therapy My grandfather had a stroke a few years ago, and since then he hasn't been able to speak much. Hospitalized after a recent heart attack, he was visited by his speech therapist. As if talking to a child, she said, "All right, I'm going to put three items in different places in the room, and I want you to tell me where I put them." My grandfather answered, "The pen is on the table, the book is on the bed and the glass is on the nightstand." "Very good!" said the therapist in the same patronizing tone. "I'll be back to see you again in two days." As she reached the door, my grandfather added, "And your keys are on the window ledge." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) | |/ | ,,,,, ,+ /| / \ () | || \ C '\ /|_() || ) _| .'___/,,,// || .'=. (____E.' / / \ || | \)`-\ _F_.' \ c `\ || \ \ !'__/ ) _| || \ \,' / /`._( || |`. .' / \ \ || \ `-' | .-. | | \ E || >====[] | \ |__| | O OE || / |_/ | |___)| `.__j____ \|E || \_ | || __`.________ `. |""|\| \ |\ ||| \///_ _|__|_| \ __ | \ ||`""\\""""//"' \`. \ | |[__]| \ ||.---\\__//---. | | \____| ||__|/ / \|____________|\ |/ | | | / || || /| | | -----| |/------------||-||-/`| |----------| /| | || ||/`-|___| | /\| | || \\._ [____] h| /`.|____| || \\ `-/ '`._ j| `=.\____/ || \\__`-.____) w| ) '`--. _.-||-._ `""""""" | `='====' ,-' ' ` `-. | `-.________.-' | >Smiles The man says to his hair stylist, "My hair is falling out. What can I use to keep it in?" The stylist replies, "Might I suggest a shoebox?" ---------- Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW TABLET..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!" ---------- We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and its beautiful maple doors became available for sale as salvage items. We bought several and had them installed in our 19th-century home. Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out, "You know, these doors are from the Piedmont Hotel." He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take towels." ---------- An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?" ---------- A man who hadn't attended church in years suddenly began attending faithfully on Sunday mornings instead of going fishing as was his normal habit. The pastor was highly gratified and at the end of service one morning told him, "How wonderful it makes me feel to see you at services with your good wife!" "Well, Preacher," said the fisherman, "Quite honestly, it's a matter of choice. I'd much rather hear your sermon than hers." ------- A priest and nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available. Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed. Nun: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold. Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does) Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does) Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night. Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own darn blanket. ---------- ,-. _,-' - `--._ ,'.: __' _..-) ,' /,o)' ,' ;. ,'`-' _,) ,' :. _.-',' ,' . . ( / ; .:' .. `-/ ,' ; ,' _,/ . , .,' , ,',' . . . .\,'..__ ,',' .:. ' ,\ `\)`` `-\_..---``````-'-.`.:`._/ ,' '` .` ,`- -. ) `--..`-.. `-...__________..-'-.._ \ ``--------..`-._ ``` `` SSt Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome price, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young price that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so." That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: "I don't think so!" ---------- The pilot announces the plane, due to faulty gauges, is running out of fuel, and they're going to crash into the ocean. A woman jumps up and yells, "If I'm going to die, I want to die like a fulfilled woman." She rips her clothes off and screams, "Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a fulfilled woman?" A man jumps into the aisle, tears off his shirt and hands it to her, demanding, "Here, iron this!" ---------- The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I am going to give you a prescription for some tranquilizers that I want you to start taking regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down any?" "Oh, yes" the mother answered. "They do wonders for me." "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" she replied. --- ...Oh Gee! HahAha! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: |\ | \ | ____________ ____________ | / O * maytag \ / O O maytag \ | |____________| |____________| | | ____________ || | | || ||| | | || ]||| | | /\ ____ || ||| | _______ | [| ||Tide|||____________||| | |#####| | __|__||____||______________||______________|__|#####|___| |#####| jro\ The lifespan of an average washing machine is around a decade. Same with your dryer. But if you're doing these things, you could be cutting it short. * You're over-stuffing your machine Neither washers nor dryers work optimally when overstuffed, and worse, they have to work harder than they should when they're too full. That increases wear and tear on the machine's mechanisms such as the washing machine's central agitator. Plus, if you pack too many clothes into the machine, some detergent residue could be left behind. * Using too much detergent Using more detergent than recommended is bad for your washing machine. Using too much soap leads to more suds, which could cause your washer to overflow. Have a high- efficiency washer? They require even less soap to wash clothing properly, so be sure to skimp on the detergent and only use soaps marked safe for HE washers. * Not regularly maintaining your dryer vent Maintaining your dryer vent (the tube that directs moisture and lint out of the dryer drum and out of the house) is crucial to keeping your dryer in good working order. A good rule-of-thumb is to have your dryer vent inspected and cleaned out once per year. * Overusing dryer sheets Dryer sheets might make your clothing soft, static-free, and smell fresh, but they have a waxy layer that melts in the dryer. Using too many can gum up the appliance. But no matter how many dryer sheets you use, you need to be cleaning your lint trap on a regular basis--not just cleaning out the lint but actually removing the lint trap and soaking it in sudsy water every couple of months (or more often if you're also using fabric softener in the washing machine, which also leaves a residue in the dryer). -<>- _ ( | | __,--./|.--,__ .` \ \ / / `. .` \ | / `. / / ^|^ \ \ / / | |o | \ \ /===/ | | | \===\ /___/ | |o | \___\ | | | | |o | | | | | |o | | | | | |o | |_____/\_____| jgs Considering that 100 years ago, doing the laundry involved some serious muscles, we are pretty lucky to be able to toss clothes into a machine and have them come out clean. Even still, keeping a busy household in fresh garments, sheets and towels isn't always easy. Following are a few tips to make laundry easier and more efficient. * Do laundry more often. This may be counterintuitive, but if you count laundry among your least favorite chores, saving it up to do all in one go will ruin your day. Try dividing the task into smaller chunks throughout the week. The job will be much less intimidating. * Do separate loads for each person. One of the more time- consuming parts of doing laundry is sorting out whose clothes are whose when they come out of the dryer. Avoid this issue entirely by giving each person their own laundry basket and only running one person's clothes at a time. * Turn clothes right side out before folding. This is a habit that some people will pick up faster than others, but it can make a big difference in the speed with which you can fold a load of clothing. * Put socks in mesh bags. If trying to match socks from the laundry is your idea of hell, treat yourself to a few zippered mesh bags - they will change your life. Each person puts his or her socks into a mesh bag, zips it up and tosses it in the laundry. When the bags come out of the dryer, the socks are all together and ready to be returned to their rightful owner. * Keep your washer fresh by leaving the door ajar after each load. Washing machines, especially the new high-efficiency models, have a very tight seal, which means that moisture trapped after running a load of laundry can't escape, leading to mildew (and stinky smells). Prevent this problem by leaving the washer door open a crack after each load. Some new models come with a magnetic door latch for this purpose. --- ...My laundry is fairly easy compared to how my mom made me do it. Her way was twice a week and separate all the clothes into like colors and fabric. Then do as many as 3 loads on each laundry day. One person (me) had to gather, wash, dry by dryer or by hanging out on the clothes line, fold, iron, sort and finally put all the laundry away in its proper place in every one's room and bathroom. Now, I do not separate clothes. Each person puts their own clothes and towels in the washer when dirty. Once the washer is full, I do the load up, dry the load, separate every one's clothes out so they can put them away, and then fold and put the towels away. If an item requires ironing, we don't buy it. I do separate loads only for bedding. -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: If your washing machine has a setting for the amount of clothing you're washing, choose a low setting--you'll use less water and your clothes will get just as clean. Using cold water can save up to 80% of the energy required to wash clothes. Use less hot water. Washing your clothes in cold or warm instead of hot water can save as much as 500 pounds of carbon dioxide per year. The average washing machine uses about 41 gallons of water per load, whereas newer, high-efficiency models use less than 28 gallons of water per load. -<>- Conserving water by only washing full loads and saving energy by using cold water instead of hot are not the only ways you can be environmentally conscious in the laundry room. * Detergents. Components such as colorants really aren't necessary - they are often just there to make them pleasing to the eye as you pour them out. Fragrances are of particular concern as companies often aren't required to detail what these are comprised of. Just about every supermarket these days offers "earth friendly" detergents and usually you'll find they are quite a bit cheaper too due to the no-frills, low active chemical approach - yet they can be just as effective. * If you need a bit of extra punch to your wash in terms of bleaching, consider adding a 1/2 cup of lemon juice to the rinse cycle. By the way, a teaspoon of lemon juice thrown into your wash can also help your clothes to smell fresher. * Other more environmentally friendly alternatives to brightening are a half cup of baking soda thrown into the wash, or half a cup of borax. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Five stories President Trump doesn’t want you to miss https://www.whitehouse.gov/ Westwing News: It’s Democracy — Not Trump — That’s on Trial on Capitol Hill: “Public impeachment hearings have begun in Washington, but nothing has changed. The Ukraine ‘rebound’ scandal simply follows from the Russia collusion probe as the latest front in a smoothly operating, taxpayer-funded, propaganda war of political intimidation: an attempt not only to undermine President Trump, but also to demoralize and break the will of those who voted for him,” Augustus Howard writes in the New York Post. “Democrats, trying to ‘move on’ from the disastrous testimony of Robert Mueller, offer us a new cadre of government-insider witnesses, most of whose evidence would be laughed out of any courtroom in America.” House Democrats’ real goal is to tell President Trump’s supporters that “those who dared challenge the permanent, elite government class — to know they can never win.” - read more: https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: Huge drop in border apprehensions https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Beef, Poultry, Microwaves http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: These Infections Are Killing Twice as Many Americans as Once Thought http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: A New Jersey man who walked into a deli in Lower Township and allegedly threatened workers with a samurai sword has been taken into custody. The incident started when Ryan Crump walked into American Deli with his sword and demanded that store employees give back his cellphone. "I thought we were going to get killed. He said he was going to slice all of us up," deli employee Lee DeBiase reported. "He told us he was going to jump across the counter and that we better find his cellphone fast." When the cellphone didn't appear, Crump brought out the sword. "He took it out like he thought he was a samurai master. He started pointing it at everybody and swinging it around. He came pretty close to our faces and everything," said American employee Mike Houseman. "I thought he was going to cut my face open with it." "Another inch or so, Mike wouldn't have an eye or a nose," added deli worker David Valley. Someone called 911 and Lower Township Police arrived on the scene. Crump was arrested and charged with three counts of aggravated assault, terrorist threats and other weapons offenses. Luckily no one was injured. "When you look down at the blade of a samurai, your whole life changes," DeBiase said. -<>- We have all read those stories about some druggy who calls the police because his dealer ripped him off (or the story of the pot grower who called the police because somebody broke into his grow-house and stole a bunch of his pot plants). There was even a story about a guy who called the police because a hooker "stole" his money without providing service. But today's story is a new one on me. A Houston woman who says she is a stripper is being sued in small claims court by one of her customers. Her stage name is Nomi. She says she works in a Houston strip club and admits she went out a few times with one of her customers named Robert. "I've never heard of a customer suing a stripper," Nomi said. "I just don't understand how this person can sue me for money that he freely gave. I would never have even taken it had I known I had to pay it back." I'm sure. Robert wouldn't say much, but confirms he met Nomi at a strip club. He says she owes him about $3,000 worth of DVDs, a laptop and cash, and he's suing to get it back. I didn't know strippers accepted laptops. How do you fit it in the G-string, I wonder. Gerald Treece, attorney and law professor at South Texas College of Law, said it comes down to whether it was all gifts. "It has no really great legal value," he said. "It was 'wow' value, and it all depends on whose facts the court believes." -<>- *--- Mmmm, That's Good Poop Gin ---& The makers of a South African gin infused with elephant dung swear their use of the animal's excrement is no gimmick. The creators of Indlovu Gin, Les and Paula Ansley, stumbled across the idea a year ago on a safari after learning that elephants eat a variety of fruits and flowers and yet digest less than a third of it. "As a consequence, in the elephant dung, you get the most amazing variety of these botanicals," Les Ansley said. "Why don't we let the elephants do the hard work of collecting all these botanicals and we will make gin from it?" They described the gin's flavor as "lovely, wooded, almost spicy, earthy" and one that changes subtly with the seasons and location. They decided to name the gin Indlovu, which means elephant in the Zulu language. The couple did not say how much of the gin they have sold. A bottle sells for around 500 rand, or about $32. *--- The City of Angels ---* A homeless man dumped a bucket of "hot" diarrhea on a Los Angeles woman near the Hollywood Walk of Fame - an unprovoked attack that's left her with PTSD, she said this week. Heidi Van Tassel said she was about to drive home from a Thai restaurant near the famed tourist area when the alleged assailant, Jere Blessings, dragged her out of her vehicle. He pulled her into the middle of the street, where he dumped a bucket of feces over her head, she said. "It was diarrhea. Hot liquid," Van Tassel reported. "I was soaked, and it was coming off my eyelashes and into my eyes." Referring to the amount of feces used in the attack, paramedics who treated her said that it "looked like the man was saving it up for a month." Blessings - who was described as a transient who suffers from mental illness - was sent by a judge to a residential facility for people with mental health issues. *--- Too Much Exercise Will Kill You ---* Sometimes people die for a reason. Some people just get sick and die for no reason at all. Then there are the people who get run over while doing pushups, naked in the street. The unfortunate fitness enthusiast was 43-year-old James Earl Hunter of Oregon. Portland Police were called to a report of a man running naked in traffic at 4 a.m. As officers responded, a second report came in that the naked man was doing push-ups in the street. Then, a third report that he'd been struck by a vehicle. Officers and emergency medical workers found the man, deceased, according to the Portland Police Bureau. The driver of the vehicle that struck the man remained at the scene and was cooperative. The driver was not impaired by alcohol or drugs, according to police. *--- Pervert Pilot Gets $300,000 Payday ---* The nerve of some people. Andrew Collins, who works as a pilot for United Airlines, decided to show off his goodies while staying in a Westin hotel at Denver International Airport. The veteran pilot said when he woke up in the morning he opened the curtains and began walking around his room naked. Someone saw him and decided to complain. "That didn't mean I was standing there doing any lewd behavior," Collins reported. "I just had an expectation of privacy." Probably because his room was on the 10th floor. Sounds like deviant behavior to me. Collins' attorney said the two responding Denver police officers went too far when they entered the room without a warrant and arrested the captain for indecent exposure. The case was eventually dismissed, but not before Collins was suspended for half a year from his job. The City of Denver agreed to pay $300,000 for the wrongful arrest. Not bad for showing off your willie. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ~ ~ ( o )o) ( o )o )o) (o( ~~~~~~~~o ( )' ~~~~~~~' ( )|) |-. o| _ |-. \ o| |_||_) | \ \ | | ||_) | | | o| | / / | |." " | |- ' .========. mb >A Case of Beer A guy is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend stops him and asks, "Hey! Whatcha got that case of beer for?" "Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" the guys answers. "Wow," exclaims his friend, "Great trade." -<>- >My Son Swallowed A Quarter One day, at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!" A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his arms around the boy's abdomen, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened. "Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?" "No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS." -<>- >I Knew the Answer! A boy comes home and proudly announces to his parents, "Mom, Dad, the teacher asked the class a question today and I was the only one who knew the right answer!" The parents are very happy and ask, "That's amazing Lenny! And what was the question?" Sticking out his chest, the boys says, "Who farted?" -<>- _..._ ___ .:::::::. `"-._.-''. , /:::::::::\ ': \ _._ \:-::::::::::::\ :. | /|.-' /:::\ \::::::::\:::::| ': | | / |:::| `:::::::|:::::\ ': | `\ | __ |\::/\ `-:::-|::::::| ': | .`\ .\_.' `.__/ | |::::::\ ':. | \ ';:: /.-._ , / |:::::::| :. / ,`\;:: \'./0) |_.-/ ;:::::::| ': | \.`;::. `` | | \::::::/ :' / _\::::' / / \::::| :' / ,=:;::/ | \:::| :' | (='` // / | \::\ `: / '--' | /\ | \:::. `:_|.-"""-. \__.-'/::\ | '::::.:::...:::. '. /:::| | '::/::::::::::::. '-.__.:::::| | |::::::::::::\::..../::::::| / |:::::::::::::|::::/:::::::// \:::::::::::::|'::/::::::::/ /\::::::::::::/ /:::::::/:| |::';:::::::::/ |::::::/::; |:::/`-:::::;;-._ |:::::/::/ |:::| `-::::\ `|::::/::/ jgs |:::| \:::\ \:::/::/ /:::/ \:::\ \:/\:/ (_::/ \:::;__ \\_\\___ (_:/ \::):):)\:::):):) `" `""""` `""""""` >(Et-Ahems!) Q and A Quickies Q: How can you tell if a woman's wearing pantyhose or knee-high's? A: If her ankles swell when she farts. Q: What do you call it when someone eats refried beans and onions? A: Tear gas. Q: What did the mother skunk say to her teenage skunk? A: Don't stink and drive. Q: Why couldn't the skeleton fart in front of his friends? A: He didn't have the guts. Q: Why doesn't Chuck Norris fart? A: Because nothing escapes Chuck Norris. Q: Why should you never fart on an elevator? A: It's wrong on so many levels. Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office? A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps! Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette,....? A: A blond doing cartwheels. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A: "Are you sure it's mine?" ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _____ (((\\\\\ )_ \\\| / \\|\/ \\( ), & \) ( (( |` \\ ))) _ | \` __| ` | , \ ` , \ | \ ,\ , \ ' \/ \_ \/ \ `_,`-._ ` \ ejm / `-. _ \ ` / ,`. \ === / '== =`. | ==== / | === ` / /========= / | / , /______| / , ======== __-' | = === / ,======= ' - -- ( \ \ \ ` \ ` \ ` \_____ \ / ` _/ / '-- ' A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist's office and declares, "Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!" The hypnotherapist shakes his head and says. "Not again..." -<>- A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered. "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. The man quickly answered. "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack." -<>- A member of a diet club bemoaned her lack of will-power. She had made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she explained, and they had eaten half of it. The next day, however, the uneaten half beckoned. She cut herself a slice. Then another, and another. By the time she had polished off the cake, she knew her husband would be disappointed. "What did he say when he found out?" one club member asked. "He never found out," she said. "I made another cake and ate half." -<>- One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" "University of Oklahoma," he yelled back. -<>- My husband and I decided to take our two children, then ages seven and three, to our favorite "adult" restaurant for the first time. The younger child refused to stay in her seat and danced around our table. Her sister, tears rolling down her face, laughed loudly at the three-year- old's antics and pounded the table. Beet-red with embarrassment, my husband warned them through clenched teeth, "If you don't start behaving, you'll never eat out with us again!" The man at the next table leaned over to his wife. "Look dear," he said. "Quality time!" -<>- [This is an old, old one, but still one of my favorites...] A fifth generation farmer has determined that his son will be the first in their family to go to college. So he and his wife save every penny for years and when the big day comes for junior to leave for school, the old man is the proudest he's ever been. After the first semester junior comes home for Christmas break and the old man sits him down for a talk. "Well, boy, you been at school for three months now, I want you to tell me some of that fancy book learnin'." So junior says, "My favorite class is math, pa. Just last week we learned a new formula...Pi r squared." At hearing this the old man screws up his eyes and smacks his forehead, "Dog gone-it! I spent all that money on schooling and all you can tell me is Pi r squared? Why everybody knows pie are round...CORNBREAD are squared!" ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: ___ .- \ / _ \ | / \ \ \| \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ _\ \ \ / \ \| | \ ~ | \.__ ~ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ._=_\ \/ > ` \\\ . \\\\ . . |||| . . _________________ <_________________> \ _________o___ / \ o . / \ . / \ / | | | | | | | | ___| |___ _-- --_ ----------- >Housewarming Gift When we moved into our new home, the first one we owned rather than rented, two of my husband's old collage roommates gave him a bottle of champagne. In the hustle and bustle of getting settled, the gift was tucked away and temporarily forgotten. Three years later we held a naming party for our third child, a daughter who had just been born. Champagne flowed in celebration until, running short, we remembered our housewarming gift. In front of our guests, I opened the attached card and read it aloud: "David, take good care of this one, it's yours!" -<>- Last time I stepped on the scale it said, "to be continued". Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest -<>- , (`-.-/( .:::::., `-.__) ``:\:: . /7_.-, '. -. - - `:::' .- ( `_.= \ `--._ / _?'` ___.-' -`"' \ - / )----'''' - .-' `--.. `--' ,' .-' `\ --' )---'' ) ) | _| ( \ L / | \ )__ _ \ \ `---' `--' L \ | \ \ \ L ) L_ ( \ | \ . J a:f | `. \ _.-`--=' \ ) ( _-' `--'\ '"' / ' J (,_./ >You might live in Florida if: You exhibit a slight twitch when introduced to anyone with the first names of Charley, Frances, Ivan or Jeanne. Your freezer never has more than $20 worth of food in it any given time. Your freezer in the garage now only has homemade ice in it. You're looking at paint swatches for the plywood on your windows, to accent the house color. You think of your hall closet/saferoom as "cozy." Your pool is more accurately described as "framed in" than "screened in." You no longer worry about relatives visiting during the summer months. You, too, haven't heard back from the insurance adjuster. You now understand what that little "2% hurricane deductible" phrase really means. You're thinking of getting your wife the hardhat with the ear protector and face shield for Christmas. You now think the $10000 whole house generator seems reasonable. Your therapist refers to your condition as "generator envy." You know how to "back-feed" the 220 line through the dryer plug. You look forward to discussions about the merits of "cubed, block or dry ice." You're putting a collage together on your driveway of roof shingles from your neighborhood. You have a 5-gallon bucket of roofing tar in the garage. You were once proud of your 16" electric chain saw. Now, you're considering upgrading your 16" to a 20" chainsaw. Your street has more than 3 "NO WAKE" signs posted. You now own 5 large ice chests. You can cook "anything" on a propane grill. You own more than one 5-gallon gas can. You know what "Bar chain oil" is. You've spent more than $20 on "tall white kitchen bags" to make your own sandbags. Your parrot can now say hammered, pounded and hunker down. You recognize people in line at the free ice, gas and plywood locations, and you have the personal cell phone numbers of the managers for: plywood, roofing supplies and generators at Home Depot or Lowes on your speed dialer. You stop what you're doing and clap and wave when you see a convoy of power company trucks come down your street, but you're depressed when they don't stop. You fight the urge to put on your winter coat and wool cap and parade around in front of your picture window, when you finally get power and your neighbor across the street, with the noisy generator, doesn't get electric. And finally, you might be a Floridian if: You ask your sister up north to start saving the Sunday Real Estate classifieds! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Humorous Signs 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns5.html Only ONE Job 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob4.htm A Little Froggy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frogart.html Lion And Tiger Sheep Herders http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lionandtiger.html Life's Little Oops 14! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops14.html Big Boy Toys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigboytoys.html Awesome Bikes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebikes.html Salute To Texas! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/salutetexas.html Fun With Seniors! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seniorfun.html High Tech Toys 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys2.html Only In Australia! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australia.html Stainless VS Gold! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/stainlesscar.html Humor With Golf! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golfhumor.html Men Will Be Boys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html IRONIC Isn't It 3? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony3.html Morons at Work 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork5.html Great White Shark! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html Dangerous Critters! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dangerouscritters.html Grizzly Bear Killed! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grizzly.html Shopping With Men! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menshopping.html Most Expensive Cars! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/expensivecars.html Fall/Vets/Thanksgiving Index! https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) A wonderful look at the ocean and the creatures that inhabit it narrated by Sir David Attenborough. If you enjoy watching the wonderful Planet Earth series from the BBC then you'll be happy to know that Blue Planet II will be coming to BBC America in early 2018. The soundtrack for this teaser video is (ocean) bloom from Radiohead and has been orchestrally reimagined by Radiohead and Hans Zimmer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2f9SItUEtJ8 --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu! Every single Donald Trump film and TV cameo ever. https://youtu.be/yosAVMB47-Y --- ...TeeHee! Fabulous! I had no idea! Thanks LouiseAu! Magician Juan Tamariz from Spain leaves Penn and Teller speechless and becomes the fastest fooler in the show's history. https://youtu.be/EQAtqeXCWEk Nokulunga Buthelezi - the star of the musical 'Africa! Africa!' - has an amazing talent for twisting into impossible positions. https://youtu.be/Qz4bX9fJ1FQ --- ...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The salad dressing company Hidden Valley is now offering actual kegs of ranch dressing. When you buy one of these kegs, the cashier is legally required to put their hand on your shoulder and go, 'Everything OK, man?'" -James Corden "A South Carolina elementary school's lunch program has added a food truck that serves the kids buffalo wings, tacos, and mac-and-cheese. It's all in keeping with the school's motto: 'It's Never Too Early To Give Up.'" -Conan O'Brien "A new study found that ancient cave art from 40,000 years ago was mostly done by women. So even back then men didn't have a say in decorating." -Jimmy Fallon "Researchers say that they've figured out how to get around Apple's new face-scanning security feature. They did it by using a mask that mimics the user's face. The mask they used is made of plastic, silicone, and makeup. Or as they call that here in Los Angeles, a face." -James Corden "In Boston, experts believe they have found Paul Revere's outhouse and they say they are excited to examine his fecal matter. These experts have been described as 'single.'" -Conan O'Brien "There's a lot of talk about how global warming will be a disaster for future generations. When you think about it, it's hard to care. What have these future generations ever done for us?" -Jimmy Kimmel "There's an event company that specializes in fake weddings. The idea is that many young people don't want to get married but they do want a wedding, so the company puts on a fake ceremony and a fake reception. I can't imagine writing 'Will attend' on an RSVP for a fake wedding. There are already weddings for people who don't want to get married - they're called weddings." -Jimmy Kimmel "A Colorado man has been fined $1,000 for allegedly feeding bears for the third time in eight years. Said the man, 'Oh great, this is going to cost me another arm and a leg.'" -Seth Meyers "Over the weekend a woman gave birth in a Barnes & Noble bookstore. Out of habit the parents briefly looked over the newborn baby and then went home and bought a cheaper baby on Amazon." -Conan O'Brien One is never more on trial than in the moment of excessive good fortune. -Lewis Wallace Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle. -Ken Hakuta >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************