Signs Of The Times And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->OoooWEeeee!! oo 8 "} > @ < .8 .-._/| .'_'`')`_.' \| ) / (>'/ |_,_ | (,| .' ,'\| `._/ ) \| '`- -- ''-- --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another donation from our Shangrala Angel, Cloie from NH! Bless her heart! This is their FIFTH month of stepping up to the plate to help Keep Shangrala Alive with a sweet donation! We sure do thank God for her and all our past wonderful angels! If you'd like to help too and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ _ _|_|_ ,|_| |_|_ || | | |_| || | | | | || | | | | _|| | | | | ||)\ ^ ^ ^ | || | | || | | || | | \\ | \\ / ejm )\ ( / \ \ / \ \ \ \ *~* Our Thoughts and Prayers Go Out To All Those Affected by Hurricane Harvey In Texas. May God Bless And Help Them through This horrific Time In The Name Of Christ Jesus Our Lord. >From our friend Melody :) Check out Hurricane Harvey: The damage https://www.news4jax.com/news/national/hurricane-harvey-the-damage --- ...Wow! Sad. What a mess. Lots of work to clean up. Thanks Melody! >In The News: Ongoing Federal Support for Hurricane Harvey http://tinyurl.com/ycp7uz3g President Trump Approves Texas Disaster Declaration http://tinyurl.com/y79n9xla President Trump Approves Louisiana Emergency Declaration http://tinyurl.com/yd4vbv5g Heartwrenching - 'Need help asap': The Story Behind The Hurricane Harvey Photo That Went Viral - ...Thank God Somebody listened! http://tinyurl.com/y9k3jw3p Two Hurricane Burglars Forgot They Were In Texas . . . Last Time They’ll Be Robbing Anyone! http://tinyurl.com/y8et8gy3 Deranged CNN Host Claims God Intervened In Hurricane Harvey To Hurt Trump [VIDEO] - ...Maybe God did it to save lives - duh! http://tinyurl.com/yb2wwxmc -<>- >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) With all the craziness and chaos going on in the world today, it seemed like a good time for a romantic getaway. So with that in mind, what better place then a virtual visit to Paris? Our first getaway is from our friend Linda. A lovely, untouched by the ravages of time, woman's Paris apartment dating back to the prewar era when all was carefree. Check this one out here: ^ | + | | | | | A === ________ /EEE\ |______| //EEE\\ |*( )*| ejm 97 ___//_____\\_____________|O| |O|_______ bye bye ---------- __o _ ~ ,_ ==c/ -------- _ \<,_ (*)\/(*) (\/\ ------- (*)/ (*) Paris In 1940 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parisin1940.html --- ...Aww, I melt and get lost in the intricacy of the furniture! I want to touch every fine carved line and sink into the chairs! A beautiful exquisite softness! Thanks Linda! Our next virtual vacation is from our friend LouiseAu and takes us on a virtual getaway through the magnificent City Of Lights, Paris. Many wonderful monuments and sights to enjoy. Check it out here: | | A _/X\_ \/X\/ |V| |A| |V| /XXX\ |\/\| |/\/| |\/\| |/\/| |\/\| |/\/| IIIIIII |\/_\/| /\// \\/\ |/| |\| /\X/___\X/\ IIIIIIIIIIIII /`-\/XXXXX\/-`\ /`.-'/\|/I\|/\'-.`\ /`\-/_.-"` `"-._ \-/\ /.-'.' '.'-.\ jgs /`\-/ \-/`\ _/`-'/`_ _`\'-`\_ `"""""""` `""""""` Beautiful Paris! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beautifulparis.html --- ...I've always held Paris in high regard. Such an awesomely gorgeous city! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: _ /_) _.-===-._ / .; `_-.'- .'. _ __ _/ /.'\ ._ '. , \ (_\ /\_( \ |.`.-._'- . '| \ |_) / |/` `'--'`\| _\__ \_)_| /` ._. ._. `\ / )(_\ )/ ( \_ _ _/ \' (_| / / \ / _) (_/ | `',_ _'._'---'_.'_ _,.' | \ \ / \ \ `"""` / / / / \ \_.' \ \ / / | .' `--., \ \ / / _;-'` `| \ \ / / | .;--""```````""--;. /( )\ \_`'-------------'`_/ | `';-----;-----;'` | | / : \ / : \ / : \ | |V.','.V.','.V.','.V| \`./_\.;./_\.;./_\.`/ ';..___________..;' jgs | _ | ; | ; \ | / ', _ _ | __ _,' /o____|____o\ |::::|::::| |::::|::::| \:::|:::/ ,`-' Y '-`, / / \ \ (___.' '.___) There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child. One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums. This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar. A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions. The third person offered the neighbors plugs for their ears; A fourth gave the boy a book; A fifth gave the neighbors books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback; A sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and docile. None of these attempts worked. Eventually, a wise person came along with an effective motivation. He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked, "I wonder what's inside the drum?" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ August 28 is Daughter's Day and Race Your Mouse Day August 29 is More Herbs, Less Salt Day August 30 is Frankenstein Day and Toasted Marshmallow Day August 31 is National Eat Outside Day and National Trail Mix Day September 1 is Emma M. Nutt Day, (the first woman telephone operator) and National Cherry Popover Day September 2 is International Bacon Day and VJ Day, WWII September 3 is Skyscraper Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ________ / ______ \ || _ _ || ||| || ||| |||_||_||| || _ _o|| (o) ||| || ||| |||_||_||| ^~^ , ||______|| ('Y') ) /__________\ / \/ ________|__________|__ (\|||/) _________ hjw /____________\ `97 |____________| >New Doorbell We needed a new doorbell, so my handy brother-in-law helped us install one. A few days later, very early in the morning, the doorbell rang. We got up to check the door and nobody was there. About a half hour later, the doorbell rang and again nobody was there. Convinced it was a practical joke, we camped out by the door. It rang again, and this time we could see there was definitely nobody there. We knew that a doorbell uses low voltage supplied by a transformer. We traced the wires and noticed that my brother-in -law had wired the doorbell into an existing transformer that was also hooked to the furnace thermostat. As a result, whenever the furnace turned on, the doorbell rang. We purchased a dedicated transformer for the new doorbell and are now sleeping in on weekends. -<>- >Medical Reason A mother said to her grown-up daughter: "Honey, I don't want you to think I have diabetes because I'm fat. I have diabetes because it runs in our family." The daughter shook her head in despair, "No, Mom," she replied, "you have diabetes because no one runs in our family." -<>- >Learning My daughter was six and excited about learning all the wonderful things about the world that first-graders learn. She turned to me one day and asked, "Mom, back in the old days when you were a kid, had they learned how to make the wheel yet?" I replied, "No, Sweetie, back then we were just grateful to have fire." -<>- >Teaching Math Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she called the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s: Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M". The set "C", the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M". Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits? Teaching Math in 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. Teaching Math in 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers. (If you feel like crying, it's OK) Teaching Math in 2000: By laying off 40% of its loggers, a company improves its stock price from $80 to $100. How much capital gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his stock options at $80. Assume capital gains are no longer taxed, because this encourages investment. Teaching Math in 2005: A company outsources all of its loggers. They save on benefits and when demand for their product is down the logging work force can easily be cut back. The average logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had 3 weeks vacation, received a nice retirement plan and medical insurance. The contracted logger charges $50 an hour. Was outsourcing a good move? Teaching Math in 2010: A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to its Indonesian subsidiary and lays off the corresponding half of its US workers (the higher-paid half). It clear-cuts 95% of the forest, leaving the rest for the spotted owl, and lays off all its remaining US workers. It tells the workers that the spotted owl is responsible for the absence of fellable trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from the Endangered Species Act. Congress instead exempts the company from all federal regulation. What is the return on investment of the lobbying costs? -<>- >You Look Tired A coworker told me that I looked tired. "I am," I said. "I just finished 50 push-ups." "Oh really? When did you start doing push-ups?" "Well, I did the first one in 1986." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ,---,_ , _> `'-. .--'/ .--'` ._ `/ <_ >,-' ._'.. ..__ . ' '-. .-' .'` `'. '. > / >`-. .-'< \ , '._\ / ; '-._> <_.-' ; '._> `> ,/ /___\ /___\ \_ / `.-|(| \o_/ \o_/ |)|` jgs \; \ ;/ \ .-, )-. / /` .'-'. `\ ;_.-`.___.'-.; >SMILES It was a typically busy day at the bank. After a glance at the line of waiting customers, a harried-looking man came up to the side counter and demanded, "What do I have to do to change the address on my account"? Without missing a beat, the clerk replied, "Move." -------- "Teacher," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figger out." "What's that Joey?" asked the Sunday school teacher. "Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?" "Right." "An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?" "Er--right." "An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?" "Again you're right." "An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?" "All that is right, too," agreed the teacher. "So what's your question?" "What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown- ups doin'?" -------- An FBI agent was talking to a bank teller after the bank had been robbed for the third time by the same bandit. "Did you notice anything special about the man?" he asked. "Yes, he seems to be better dressed each time," said the teller. -------- >THINGS THAT IRRITATE A SANE PERSON You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them. The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle. The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on. There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address. You open a can of soup and the lid falls in. It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug. The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you. There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING. You can never put anything back in a box the way it came. Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth. You slice your tongue licking an envelope. Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading. A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away. There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray. You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint. The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing. A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling. You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am. The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song. You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out. People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up. Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire. You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it. You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing. You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it. You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up. ------- (\ _\_(`\_ `/` _ `/,-'=/` _,'|`._ /' `/` ,-' |||._ `-._ i_i _,-' ,-' || `__ `-._ "=(. .)=" _,-' _,-' --||- (..=`/._ `-/#\ ( i_i ,\ _,-' | )|_|-==` \_)`-/ /v "=(. .)=" ,' ,|/ \ |__||\ //|\\ / / #/ ,/ \ ( ,' ,' ((_.--._)) || )(/|\)' /# ; ,/ #,/v ,' ,' |`- -' ||/ (/\\ / #; ,/# ,/ ,' ' / | \ */"-._ |/ _____,-''"/_)/__ / ,',---|((_.--._(__/ _.--""_____)-//_______"-. (,-.)| `- -( _,"_.--"" |||(( __ "-.: ___,/ ;| \ */ _\'_," (\__/) |||\\\ |__`,()() . \ (,_.) (_| (__/,'_,' /_/)=\.\. = |||||| | `( ` ``\|\)\ ( ;.__| _,-'_,' =//. ==> _7)< |||||| |`` , ` * "") ___\ _,--'_,-' //_(7__/) ////\ |||||| |``` \___.--' \_"""_,--' <*)_//'"" )/_/-"""":|||||,""""(("-._/ | """" ) ( _(-' _.---"\___,----. |||||| | ,' "`._ ,(( | ) ( \_/' ,' _"" "_ `.||||| |,"\\'--._) "._ \ \_/<. .>""( ( . .) )|||| |\\ \/,"\\ /`--._) <. .>|_/\| \/ ) \,-( \(||||| | \\)"\\ \) ||_/( ( | |\/ /, \ \ )\\(:|||||,()""""-.:| | \ `-\ | |__\/, :`/-`._____,-""_,' ctr:| |"""\___,""""""""""""""\(_,( (__,-"||---""""""; \---""""---------""""""""````/////))----""""/ ~~~\ ~///////~ ~/~~~~~ \ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ /~~~~/ ~~/ ~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >THINGS OVERHEARD ON NOAH'S ARK...... 10. "Did anyone think about bringing a couple of umbrellas?" 9. "Hey, there are more than two flies in here!" 8. "Wasn't someone supposed to put two shovels on board?" 7. "OK, who's the wise-guy who brought the mosquitoes on board?" 6. "Help! I need some Pepto for the elephants, QUICK!" 5. "Don't Make Me Pull This Ark Over And Come Back There!" 4. "No Ham, you cannot eat the Pig!" 3. "And whatever you do, DO NOT pull this plug out." 2. "Nice Doggie!" AND THE NUMBER ONE THING OVERHEARD ON NOAH'S ARK..... 1. "Are We There Yet?" --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend Melody :) Check out BREAKING: William Shatner Risks His Career, Gives Liberals History https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mZ2yDkfkEo --- ...Love it! Thanks Melody! -<>- Famous Artist Unveils Amazing Powerful Painting of Trump and Those Who Elected Him: ‘You Are Not Forgotten’ http://tinyurl.com/yc334qxv Hannity List of Trump Accomplishments so far: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwBre0DdOwY Charlie Daniels Comes to the Rescue After Dolly Parton Becomes Victim of Confederate Statue-Gate [VIDEO] http://tinyurl.com/y7e5gouf For Soros and those that hate America, I can see them saying this: Protesters Now Rally To REMOVE Statue Of Christopher Columbus From Manhattan As “symbol of hate” [VIDEO] http://tinyurl.com/y8n8zlv2 The Ink Was Barely Dry On Sheriff Arpaio Pardon Before Paul Ryan SLAMMED Decision http://tinyurl.com/y92xk7pg Roger Stone To John McCain ‘Karma about to get you and you will burn in hell for all eternity’ http://tinyurl.com/y96udrpy Brent Bozell: The Trump Hating GOP Congress Is Committing Suicide http://tinyurl.com/yd9qf835 Hypocrite Pelosi Incites Violence and Sets Trap To Shut Down Patriot Prayer Freedom Rally [VIDEO] http://tinyurl.com/y7lv8c3t CNN Commentator: Martin Luther King Jr’s Niece, Alveda, A ‘Token Black Woman’ http://tinyurl.com/yc7tp6ck John Kasich Just Made A Shocking Party Switch In Order To “Unite Our Country”, And It’s Not What You Think - ...He never got over loosing! A RINO for sure! http://tinyurl.com/yd6zlgfm 167 Year Old California Catholic School Removes Statues of Mary and Jesus to be More Inclusive - ...To Whom - evil? http://tinyurl.com/y8lbxfvp Scott Baio Fired Up: If Trump Cured Cancer, They’d Hate Him For ‘Putting Oncologists Out of Business’ http://tinyurl.com/y8gelfdo -<>- >From BizarreNews: Police in Germany announced they seized about 5,000 ecstasy tablets modeled after the head of U.S. President Donald Trump. Osnabrueck Police said they searched a car during a traffic stop about 9 p.m. Saturday and discovered the approximately $12,900 worth of ecstasy tablets, which bore the image of Trump's face on one side and his name on the opposite side. Police said they also seized a large amount of cash from the vehicle, which was registered in Austria. The driver, a 51-year-old man, and his 17-year-old son were detained and are expected to be charged with drug trafficking, police said. Police said the pair had been coming from Amsterdam, where the drugs are believed to have been produced. -<>- Police in Florida, have released a video, showing a wanted thief engaging in s#@ acts with a woman during a burglary. The incident unfolded at around 9:15 p.m., in the parking lot of Twin Lakes Pool and BBQ in Cooper City. The suspect was seen on surveillance video backing a truck into the parking lot. According to detectives, before he stole the trailer, the suspect "dived into some adult behavior with a companion." In the video, the man was seen standing at the door of the vehicle while the woman was performing acts on him. Once that deed was done, the man was seen pulling his pants up and walking towards the trailer. He removed the trailer from the fence on which it was chained, and hooked it up to his pickup. The man then drove away with the $1,200 trailer. Police said that the male thief wore a baseball cap, long sleeve shirt and a s#@t-eating grin. He was driving a silver two-door pickup with a retractable bed cover. *----- Car Thief Stopped to Look At Eclipse -----* Authorities in Florida said they arrested a suspected car thief who pulled into a store while being pursued so he could buy a welding mask and look at the eclipse. The Orange County Sheriff's Office said members of the Auto Theft Unit were pursuing a car driven by Jocsan Feliciano Rosado, 22, when the vehicle pulled into a parking lot in Kissimmee. Deputies said Rosado went into the store and bought a welding helmet with blue flame decals on it. He was arrested while standing next to the stolen car and looking at the solar eclipse. "He never saw it coming," the sheriff's office said. "That only happens every 99 years." *- Waiter Draws Straight Line in the Ice Cream -* A restaurant in Washington, has come under fire after a gay couple claimed that a waiter refused to serve them an ice cream with two spoons for them to share. 55-year-old Ron Gage and 58-year-old Henry McKinnon said they went to the Prime Rib restaurant to enjoy a romantic night out. They said that everything went fine until they asked for a single serving of ice cream with two spoons. The waiter's mood soured, and he refused to serve them the ice cream in a single serving, saying that it would not sit will with ambiance of the restaurant. Gage and McKinnon were speechless, and did not say anything to the waiter or the manager. The following day, the couple made their story public on social media sites after which James MacLeod, the manager of the Prime Rib restaurant, fired the waiter. *------- The Clothes Make the Shop-Lifter -------* Police in Louisiana released security camera footage of a shoplifter taking 18 bottles of wine and liquor from a store by shoving them in her clothes and purse. The security camera footage from the Thrifty Liquor Store in Shreveport shows a woman concealing 18 bottles of wine and liquor in her purse, pants and bra before paying for a single bottle of alcohol and leaving the store. The video, posted to YouTube by the Shreveport-Caddo Crime Stoppers, led to the Shreveport City Marshal's Office and Louisiana State Probation and Parole Office identifying the woman in the footage as Sekonie Jones, 37. Jones was contacted by investigators and surrendered. She was arrested on a count of misdemeanor theft. *------- The Right Tool For The Right Job -------* Police in Arkansas shared security camera footage of a thief using a forklift to steal an entire ATM from the drive- through lanes at a bank. The Conway Police Department posted a video showing a person in a forklift using the construction vehicle to uproot the ATM from its foundation and lift it into the air before it was loaded onto a truck and hauled away. Police said a worker at the First Service Bank discovered the ATM was missing and the drive-through area was damaged when she arrived for work. A review of the security camera footage revealed the 3 a.m. theft. Police said they suspect the thieves work in the construction industry. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ >ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS An Elementary School Teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well- known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. 1. Don't change horses until they stop running. 2. Strike while the bug is close. 3. It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time. 4. Never underestimate the power of termites. 5. You can lead a horse to water but how? 6. Don't bite the hand that looks dirty. 7. No news is impossible. 8. A miss is as good as a Mr. 9. You can't teach an old dog new math. 10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning. 11. Love all, trust me. 12. The pen is mightier than the pigs. 13. An idle mind is the best way to relax. 14. Where there's smoke there's pollution. 15. Happy the bride who gets all the presents. 16. A penny saved is not much. 17. Two's company, three's the Musketeers. 18. Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed. 19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose. 20. There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder. 21. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded. 22. If at first you don't succeed get new batteries. 23. You get out of something only what you see in the picture on the box. 24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way. 25. A bird in the hand is going to poop on you. And the WINNER and last one! 26. Better late than pregnant. --- ...HahAhA! Thanks Geniann! ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _....._ /::::::.\ /xx::::::.\ |#xx|n|:xx| \##x/xxxx#/ | |\-.-.|\#/#####/ | . |.-,-/| /\__V_\'|B""""|\-.-|| :o. /_v_=\ \ \ /, |0| o,o|/ / /==o=|\ \ \|o.- |0|_.O-- |||\_|=_=/]/ ||o.o|| \[\_v_|.-'\.' |(_)=)-=== \]=-=|/ | @ \-' \ '=: \V| m|--e-+------ |=O==| '._|=._\| |\_\_v_E)| '/\ '/==..__ / |//'. | |=>o<=| |-\"\ /-=/ '. | './-\_/-\ |_o| '.___.' _/._/ |-|_ _|._/ \_.| \_/\ /:__o| |o_:\ /:_o| |o_:. /:_o| l42 I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other, which I assumed was my tip. To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza. "Could that have been a tip?" I asked, trying not to sound accusatory. "Yep," he replied proudly. "not bad for just a walk from the living room and back!" -<>- We had to have our garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a large enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two." We haven't used Sears repair since. -<>- One day in the army I was assigned KP duty. I reported to the Mess Hall and was told by the sergeant in charge that he wanted me to make 100 gallons of soup for tonight's dinner. I told him I didn't know how to make soup. He handed me a book and told me to follow the directions carefully. A couple hours later I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came up and tasted the soup. He took a second spoonful and stood there staring at me. I thought I had really messed up the soup and was waiting for a reprimand. Instead he said, "This tastes good... are you sure you followed the recipe?" -<>- A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!" The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!" The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way. So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is....MOLASSES!" -<>- The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking." -<>- Signs of the times SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE: "We will heel you We will save your sole We will even dye for you." Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." On a Septic Tank Truck: "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels" At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push." In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up." In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." In a Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak." ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: + (|) _____.___.|_|. | / \ |===| | / \ | o | |__/__v__\|, ,| | | | | | || || |/| . . . |','| ||| A A A | , | ||| M M M | | wtx --------------------- >GROANERS: Our church was looking for a new minister, and the selection committee finally recommended a young man just out of the seminary. Many older church members protested that a more experienced man would have been preferable. Committee members retaliated with the argument that a younger minister might breathe fresh life into the congregation. At the end of the meeting, I commented to an older man that this marked the beginning of better things for our church. "Yes," he said with a wry smile. "Moving on to greener pastors." (Jerry Riggs/ Reader’s Digest) Then of course there's the sub-atomic particle physicist who, when examining a piece of basaltic nickel-iron meteorite, noticed some hitherto unknown particles, which, when accelerated to relativistic velocity, became gravitic and acquired an intense electromagnetic field. "Eureka!" he exclaimed. "I have discovered Leptons of Mass Induction in a Rock!" Grateful but misunderstanding, President Bush at the time rewarded the scientist with his fondest wish, which consisted of a one year paid sabbatical, a luxuriously appointed Recreational vehicle and a blonde bimbo left over from the Clinton Administration as his traveling companion. In other words, The Mobile Piece Prize. (Charles Plato) Patrick and Mary, being good Irish Catholics, had so many children that they didn't know what to do. Paddy says to Mary, "Sure, and we have to get some advice from the parish priest. We can't keep on with any more children." So they went to see the priest and the priest says to Patrick, "Now, my boys, you know the church only allows two ways to limit the little ones. One is to abstain altogether and the other is the rhythm method." Patrick scratches his head and says, "Well, now, Father, how in the heck am I going to find a band at 4:00 o'clock in the morning?"(Training 2 Laugh) When two single people who have been given power of attorney over several prominent citizens—but cannot currently remember their gambling losses for the 2016 fiscal year—meet, they have no choice but to proxy mate. (The Big Pun) There was once a beautiful fairy who yearned to be a ballet dancer. When she heard that the Royal Ballet was holding auditions in a nearby town, she harnessed 100 white pigeons to her chariot and flew to the theater. The director took one look at the fairy's spectacular entrance and told her to go away. "But why," she wailed "Because we've got enough pigeon-towed dancers in the company already. (Kathlene Shoemaker) According to the American Medical Association, sleeping less has been linked to big guts on men. They say getting more quality sleep creates lean tissue. So women, next time you see your man sprawled on the couch over the weekend, Leave him alone, he's working out. (Patricia) A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping." Asa thought, "They must be bored again Christians." (William Brabant ) While I was dining in the restaurant of a large hotel, I heard a loud crash. A waitress had dropped a whole tray of coffee cups, plates, and dishes. Suddenly, I felt a stinging pain in my hand. There was a small cut from the scattered debris. I was immediately escorted to the hotel doctor. "What happened?" he asked. "Attacked by a flying saucer," I replied. (Douglas Helsel) At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. "Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'" "And then what happened?" the officer interrupted. "From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'" (Dosti Yarri) When my son was around nine, we had a very wet spring causing several of his baseball games to be cancelled or postponed. Finally a make-up game was scheduled for one of the games. I told my six year old daughter that if she had any homework that day she needed to be sure to complete it during aftercare at school because her brother had a make-up game. That night since it was still too wet for her to play, she moved from lap to lap. While she was in my lap, she looked at her brother's dug-out and then she looked at the other dug-out. She turned to me and asked, "Are we wearing make-up or is the other team?" (Richard Sissel) When the owners of sled-dog teams in Alaska got to arguing endlessly about whether or not their huskies would run faster if given periodic snacks during their runs, instead of just one big meal a day, it was just a case of Mush Ado About Noshing. (Tyler Kaus) I overheard my father telling a family friend about my newly- assigned mission in the U.S. Coast Guard. I work on a cutter that escorts all cruise ships and international vessels under the bridges in California's Bay Area. But what my father told his friend was, "She's involved in some sort of escort service." (Fred Rouse) Consider, if you will, the case of the awkward bumble-bee who became ill while gathering pollen but continued to work. Unfortunately, he thus infected all the flowers with his virus. The consequences are recorded in the annals of horticulture as ... the blight of the fumble bee. (Carol's Humor) As the seventh of eight children, my son Isaac is used to hand-me- downs. He was very excited on his eighth birthday, therefore, when we took him to a store to choose a watch. A clerk demonstrated the features to him: "This is the hour hand, this is the minute hand, and this is the second hand." With that, Isaac's face fell. "SECOND hand? I thought we were buying a NEW one!" (Training 2 Laugh) -<>- _\|/_ /--\ |[]| _] \/ [_ /_ `==' _\ \\| |// l\ __/j `|-'##| |#||#| |#||#| _|#||#|_ `==" "==` as Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor covering in 1the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done... As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place. The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract. I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van. I told them my fee: $45. -<>- >*Thoughts On Geneology* ~ Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people. ~ I trace my family history so I will know who to blame. ~ Can a first cousin, once removed, return? ~ Searching for lost relatives? Win the lottery! ~ Do I even WANT ancestors? ~ Genealogy: Where you confuse the dead and irritate the living. ~ Every family tree has some sap in it. ~ Friends come and go, but relatives tend to accumulate. ~ Genealogists never die, they just lose their roots. ~ Genealogy: A haystack full of needles. It's the threads I need. ~ Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools. ~ I think my family tree is a few branches short of full bloom. ~ Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we're all related. -<>- _|_ | / \ //_\\ //(_)\\ |/^\| ,%%%% // \\ ,@@@@@@@, ,%%%%/%%% // \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@, @@@%%%\%%//%%%// === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@ @@@@%%%%\%%%%%// =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%#####, @@@@%%%\%%/%%// === \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%######, @@@@@%%%%/%%//| |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%#/#### '@@@@@%%\\/%~ | | ~ @|| %\\//%%%#####; @@\\//@|| | __ __ | || %%||%%'###### '@|| || | | | | | || ||##\//#### || || | | -|- | | || ||'#||###' || || |_|__|__|_| || || || || ||_/` ======= `\__||_._|| || jgs__||_/` ======= `\_||___ >Murphy's Church Laws 1) If it wasn't for committee meetings, nothing would ever get done. 2) If you can't get a sermon done working 20 hours a day, work nights. 3) When the Deacons talk about improving the churches spiritual life, they are never talking about their own. 4) In a committee meeting, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. 5) There will always be empty soft drink cans rolling on the floorboard of your car when your head deacon asks for a ride home from church. 6) No matter how many sermons you prepare, you never prepare enough. 7) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard, a camera, or a Bible. 8) You are always doing something trivial when the Deacon Chairman drops by your office. 9) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. 10) It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do. 11) Keep the deacon chairman's wife off his back and you will succeed as a pastor. 12) Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous." 13) Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a fellowship activity involving food. 14) Real Deacons/Elders realize that a clean desk is not necessarily a productive desk. 15) Any church employee can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she has been assigned to do. 16) Any great Sermon that contains no errors will develop errors when transmitted to your printer. 17) If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. 18) The more garbage you put up with, the more garbage you are going to get. 19) After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. 20) When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. 21) Following the rules will not get the job done. 22) Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules. 23) A Youth Pastor with a clean desk has way too much free time. 24) Every sermon idea shalt beget another sermon idea. 25) When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would Batman handle this?" 26) The last person that quit or was fired will be blamed for everything that goes wrong for at least a year. -<>- _|_ | _|_ //_/\ __| ||____ ////////////\ /////////////\\ |^^^^^^^^^^||+| | # # # |||| .... ....". ||||||||||||||||| unknown >"Off-the-church-walls" Humor "Oh, I sure am happy to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother on his dad's side. "Now maybe mother will do the trick she has been promising us." The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked. "I heard him tell daddy," the little boy answered, "that she would climb the walls if you came to visit." +++++++++++++ Although there were only enough cookies for each child to have three at a party for little folks, young Bobby took four. "You're supposed to get only 3 cookies, Bobby," said the hostess. "You ought to put the fourth one back." "Can't," exclaimed Bobby. "I ate that one first." +++++++++++++ A student timidly handed his report card to his father. His grades were very low. "Do you reckon," the boy asked his father, "it's heredity or environment?" +++++++++++++ One little boy was complaining about the surprise package at his house - a new baby brother: "He's got my mother's eyes, my daddy's forehead, and my room." +++++++++++++ A preacher was telling his Bible class the story of the Prodigal Son and wishing to emphasize the disagreeable attitude of the elder brother on that occasion, he laid especial stress on this phrase of the parable. After describing the rejoicing of the household over the return of the wayward son, he spoke of one who, in the midst of the festivities, failed to share in the jubilant spirit of the occasion. "Can anybody in the class," he asked, "tell me who this was?" A small boy, who had been listening sympathetically to the story, put up his hand. "I know," he said beamingly. "It was the fatted calf." ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Comedy In Nature!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/comedyinnature.html CATtitude!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cattitude.html Identity Theft 6!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft6.html Pet Confessions!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petconfessions.html Dog-Tired Dogs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogtired.html Lioness And Fox!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lionessandfox.html Animal Friends 5!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends5.html Big Baby Big Dogs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigdogs.html Taking A Cat Bath!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catbath.html Bobcat On A Cactus!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bobcatoncactus.html Goose Calls For Cops!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mothergoose.html Pets Left Home Alone!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petshome.html Animals And Windows!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalsandwindows.html My How You've Grown!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grown.html Adorable Animal Selfies!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalselfies.html Look Who's Talking Now!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking.html Morning After The Party!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/afterparty.html Adorable Baby Elephants!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babyelephants.html -<>- >Follow/Visit Me On StumbleUpon: http://tinyurl.com/ybgxgzsm -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Watch a 40 Ton Humpback Whale Leap Entirely Out of the Water! Cool! It was a rare clear, crisp, cold, winter day offshore Mbotyi in Pondoland, Eastern Cape province, South Africa (formerly Transkei). The seas were unusually calm that day on the Indian Ocean. That wouldn't last ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhfIpUgxgm8 --- ...Wow! Spectacular! Thanks Geniann! Reminds me of this one... Whale Rescue 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html -<>- >From Our Friend Victor :) The Australian Exorcist https://www.australianexorcist.com/ --- ...Hopefully never needed. Thanks Victor! [OFFICIAL VIDEO] Hallelujah - Pentatonix https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRP8d7hhpoQ --- ...Beautiful! Thanks Victor! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) What to avoid... TBS' newest program, "The Guest Book," http://tinyurl.com/y6wxhor5 --- ...Gross! Thanks for the heads up Melody! Macropinna microstoma: A deep-sea fish with a transparent head https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RM9o4VnfHJU Top 10 Recently Discovered DEEP SEA Creatures https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzIPjLwNgmo --- ...Wowsers! It is amazing what we don't know exists! Thanks Melody! Reminds me of these... Ocean Exploration http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ocean.html SCIENTISTS UNVEIL NEW SPECIES! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newspecies.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Typical NY Subway ride https://www.youtube.com/embed/47e3vjA_4uc?feature=player_embedded --- ...HahA! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "According to a new study, people who live near trees are richer, smarter, and healthier - and people who live in trees make more cookies." -Seth Meyers "A new study came out that reveals some dangerous side effects from childbirth. The dangerous side effects women suffer include pelvic injuries, muscle tears, and children." -Conan O'Brien "A new poll found that women in America are angrier about current events than men. And if you want to make them even angrier, just tell them they seem angry." -Jimmy Fallon "The jackpot is up to an enormous sum. Playing the Powerball is a great way to spend quality time with strangers outside gas stations." -Jimmy Kimmel "A Florida man was arrested for throwing potato salad at a nail salon. During his arrest, he said, 'I've been drinking and taking Xanax. What do you expect me to do?' Well, not that, although I do sympathize. When I was trying to give up carbs, I once threw a bowl of spaghetti at a karate studio." -James Corden "A New Jersey restaurant is offering a special menu this month that doesn't list prices, but instead asks customers to pay what they think is fair. According to the sign in the window, the restaurant is called 'This Space for Rent.'" -Seth Meyers "China just installed new public bathrooms in Beijing that actually offer Wi-Fi. Yeah, a Wi-Fi-enabled bathroom. Or as we call that here in America, Starbucks.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Wal-Mart is testing out an app that would allow shoppers to skip the checkout line. Currently that service is known as shoplifting." -Conan O'Brien "Brace yourself, because Kraft has announced that they've gone natural. I first assumed that natural meant they were doing their products in the buff. But they mean they have removed all artificial preservatives, flavors, and dyes from their classic Mac and Cheese recipe. I don't get it. I was not aware, first of all, that a packet of orange dust was technically a recipe." -Stephen Colbert >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************